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Beyond Any Experience
Olivia Northman’s world shattered the day she lost her wife to a drunk driver. Three years later, she still struggles with grief and the demands of being a single parent to their autistic son, Ben. After her first attempt at a new relationship crumbles, she retreats to the simple, the predictable. It’s what’s best for her son, and her heart.
Ellie Vasquez isn’t simple or predictable. In fact, she’s charmingly impulsive, as well as gregarious, confident, and attracted to Olivia, which she reveals in an unguarded moment. Olivia doesn’t know what’s more surprising—Ellie’s interest, or her own—but a quiet conversation over drinks soon spins into something more. As Olivia’s caution gives way to hope, she sees another chance at love, both for her, and for Ben, who takes to Ellie with a tender openness. Ellie is fearless about love in a way that makes Olivia want to be brave, but the deeper their passion, the closer she gets to drowning—in grief, in fear, in guilt. To have a future with Ellie, Olivia must come to terms with her past. If she can’t, she risks losing the second love of her life.
Anne E. Terpstra’s BEYOND ANY EXPERIENCE is an intimate, emotional debut that explores grief, parenting, neurodiversity, and the vulnerability of love after loss.
Tags: #ownvoices, age gap, Autism, children, contemporary, family drama, grieving, hurt-comfort, interracial/intercultural, lesbian, LGBTQ+ literary fiction, lit/genre fiction, mothers and children fiction, neurodiversity, occupational therapist, over 40, parenting, PTSD, romance, tear-jerker, women’s domestic life fiction, women’s fiction
Word Count: 92,300
Sex Content: Explicit
Cover Artist: Jaycee DeLorenzo
Cover Photo by Anne E. Terpstra
Ellie Vasquez isn’t simple or predictable. In fact, she’s charmingly impulsive, as well as gregarious, confident, and attracted to Olivia, which she reveals in an unguarded moment. Olivia doesn’t know what’s more surprising—Ellie’s interest, or her own—but a quiet conversation over drinks soon spins into something more. As Olivia’s caution gives way to hope, she sees another chance at love, both for her, and for Ben, who takes to Ellie with a tender openness. Ellie is fearless about love in a way that makes Olivia want to be brave, but the deeper their passion, the closer she gets to drowning—in grief, in fear, in guilt. To have a future with Ellie, Olivia must come to terms with her past. If she can’t, she risks losing the second love of her life.
Anne E. Terpstra’s BEYOND ANY EXPERIENCE is an intimate, emotional debut that explores grief, parenting, neurodiversity, and the vulnerability of love after loss.
Tags: #ownvoices, age gap, Autism, children, contemporary, family drama, grieving, hurt-comfort, interracial/intercultural, lesbian, LGBTQ+ literary fiction, lit/genre fiction, mothers and children fiction, neurodiversity, occupational therapist, over 40, parenting, PTSD, romance, tear-jerker, women’s domestic life fiction, women’s fiction
Word Count: 92,300
Sex Content: Explicit
Cover Artist: Jaycee DeLorenzo
Cover Photo by Anne E. Terpstra
370 pages, ebook
Published May 31, 2022
30 people are currently reading
1073 people want to read
About the author
Anne E. Terpstra
1 book46 followersAnne E. Terpstra (she/her) writes heartfelt, sex-positive fiction that is grounded in realism and centers LGBTQ+ characters. Her debut novel, Beyond Any Experience, will be published in May 2022 with Ninestar Press.
Anne graduated from the University of Missouri-Columbia and has degrees in journalism and technical theater. She has worked as a copy editor/proofreader, and she is a member of the Chicago Writers Association. In addition to being an author, Anne is a potter and photographer. In all of her pursuits, she enjoys exploring the unexpected angle or unappreciated detail.
Anne and her wife live in Chicago with their son. When she isn’t writing, throwing pots, or taking photos, she procrastinates by baking and gardening.
Anne graduated from the University of Missouri-Columbia and has degrees in journalism and technical theater. She has worked as a copy editor/proofreader, and she is a member of the Chicago Writers Association. In addition to being an author, Anne is a potter and photographer. In all of her pursuits, she enjoys exploring the unexpected angle or unappreciated detail.
Anne and her wife live in Chicago with their son. When she isn’t writing, throwing pots, or taking photos, she procrastinates by baking and gardening.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 88 reviews
June 16, 2022
I read a lot of books, and love a lot of books. I am constantly amazed at how far we’ve come, at how much the quality has risen in the twenty-five or thirty years since I started reading sapphic fiction. I mean no disrespect to anyone but some of the books I read then wouldn’t stand a chance today and yet I loved them for existing. Others were objectively awesome and even if they don’t all stand the test of time, they’re classics for good reasons. What I’m trying to say, however, is that there’s so much choice now, so many books that have it all – a good story, a good plot, good characters, good writing, good editing – and still, once in a while, I’ll read one and feel it shine brighter.
Almost from the first sentence, I knew I would add Anne E. Terpstra to my list of authors whose writing style makes my brain cells sing. And on top of that, the story filled my heart with warmth even as it repeatedly broke it, each time with a promise to make it whole again.
For the last three years, Olivia Northman has been trying to recover from the car accident that killed her wife and left her alone with their autistic son Ben, trying to find a balance between moving on – mostly for his sake – and not letting go – for his sake as well as hers. A short-lived relationship with a former classmate reawakened her desire for physical connection but her needs and desires will always come second to Ben’s. Ellie Vasquez didn’t expect her new job as an occupational therapist to bring a potential love interest into her life. Falling for very white and very blond Olivia seems unavoidable, however, despite the ten-years difference, despite Olivia’s restricted availability, despite everything.
Don’t start this book thinking you’ll read a few pages before bed. You won’t stop at a few pages. Strangely enough, Beyond Any Experience is the opposite of a sad book, even if the premise is as tragic as can be (it’s my nightmare scenario, to be honest). Yes, there are moments that made me cry, scenes that were hard to read. These are the breaking-my-heart parts. It’s a journey and truth be told, if I let it get inside me, it’s a journey from hell. And that’s why it’s so full of hope. Hell isn’t a dead-end. One can come back. The journey itself is fraught with danger and littered with hurdles (navigating scars, an age gap, a newly-heavier body, cultural differences, overprotective families…) but it is possible.
Anne E. Terpstra wields words with a delicate and intimate touch. Ellie’s determination, her almost immediate love for both Olivia and Ben, her respect for their past, for their love for Olivia’s first wife Sophia, her patience, her joie de vivre are the perfect counterbalance to Olivia’s walled-up heart, her sense of duty, her willingness to protect her eleven-year-old child and give him the best possible life.
The book opens with Olivia attempting to get an upset Ben to verbalize the reasons for his frustration. Later on, it becomes obvious that Olivia too struggles with words and feelings when she’s overwhelmed. Her physicality, her love of sex as a connection comes as a surprise to her lovers but it makes complete sense. She uses it as both a way to express love and to escape. The author depicts Olivia’s conflicting emotions in an impressively relatable way. Nothing is black and white and certainly not Olivia. Or love.
Surrounding Ellie, Olivia and Ben, are a few striking secondary characters: Ellie’s family, best friends, and former colleagues, Olivia’s mother, Sophia’s family, but my favourite of them all is Olivia’s best friend of forty years, Arti. She brings welcome relief and just the right amount of inappropriate sauciness. She’s one hundred per cent there for Olivia, including when Olivia needs to be called out. I love her.
I’ve said it before, there’s not much I love more than a debut novel that blows my mind. Beyond Any Experience did and will most definitely be one of my favourite books of 2022.
I received a copy from the publisher and I am voluntarily leaving a review.
Read all my reviews on my blog: Jude in the Stars
Almost from the first sentence, I knew I would add Anne E. Terpstra to my list of authors whose writing style makes my brain cells sing. And on top of that, the story filled my heart with warmth even as it repeatedly broke it, each time with a promise to make it whole again.
For the last three years, Olivia Northman has been trying to recover from the car accident that killed her wife and left her alone with their autistic son Ben, trying to find a balance between moving on – mostly for his sake – and not letting go – for his sake as well as hers. A short-lived relationship with a former classmate reawakened her desire for physical connection but her needs and desires will always come second to Ben’s. Ellie Vasquez didn’t expect her new job as an occupational therapist to bring a potential love interest into her life. Falling for very white and very blond Olivia seems unavoidable, however, despite the ten-years difference, despite Olivia’s restricted availability, despite everything.
Don’t start this book thinking you’ll read a few pages before bed. You won’t stop at a few pages. Strangely enough, Beyond Any Experience is the opposite of a sad book, even if the premise is as tragic as can be (it’s my nightmare scenario, to be honest). Yes, there are moments that made me cry, scenes that were hard to read. These are the breaking-my-heart parts. It’s a journey and truth be told, if I let it get inside me, it’s a journey from hell. And that’s why it’s so full of hope. Hell isn’t a dead-end. One can come back. The journey itself is fraught with danger and littered with hurdles (navigating scars, an age gap, a newly-heavier body, cultural differences, overprotective families…) but it is possible.
Anne E. Terpstra wields words with a delicate and intimate touch. Ellie’s determination, her almost immediate love for both Olivia and Ben, her respect for their past, for their love for Olivia’s first wife Sophia, her patience, her joie de vivre are the perfect counterbalance to Olivia’s walled-up heart, her sense of duty, her willingness to protect her eleven-year-old child and give him the best possible life.
The book opens with Olivia attempting to get an upset Ben to verbalize the reasons for his frustration. Later on, it becomes obvious that Olivia too struggles with words and feelings when she’s overwhelmed. Her physicality, her love of sex as a connection comes as a surprise to her lovers but it makes complete sense. She uses it as both a way to express love and to escape. The author depicts Olivia’s conflicting emotions in an impressively relatable way. Nothing is black and white and certainly not Olivia. Or love.
Surrounding Ellie, Olivia and Ben, are a few striking secondary characters: Ellie’s family, best friends, and former colleagues, Olivia’s mother, Sophia’s family, but my favourite of them all is Olivia’s best friend of forty years, Arti. She brings welcome relief and just the right amount of inappropriate sauciness. She’s one hundred per cent there for Olivia, including when Olivia needs to be called out. I love her.
I’ve said it before, there’s not much I love more than a debut novel that blows my mind. Beyond Any Experience did and will most definitely be one of my favourite books of 2022.
I received a copy from the publisher and I am voluntarily leaving a review.
Read all my reviews on my blog: Jude in the Stars
June 19, 2022
5 ⭐️
Every so often I discover a novel that knocks my socks off. That it's a debut book is all the more impressive. Anne E. Terpstra gifts us with an incredibly powerful story about loss, grief, and anger, but also hope and a second chance at love. This author is already after one book one of my favorites, this story will stay long in my mind and heart.
Olivia had a happy life with her wife Sophia, and the common son Ben - until, with a big bang, it was over. A drunk driver ended the life of the whole family by a hair, miraculously Olivia and Ben had survived, but Sophia had not. I don’t know if I could hold myself back if some drunk would kill my wife. For me, this is pretty much the worst that could happen. How can you go back up after such a low blow? The emotions are strangling Sophia’s heart. The pain is brutal, both physically and emotionally. And yet she knows, she has to go on, because there is Ben, her autistic son, who had never needed her as much as he does now. An extremely difficult balancing act is trying to let go so she can get back to life, and at the same time preserve the memories of her wife and her son's mommy. And at home everything, I mean everything is reminding her of what she has lost.
After three long years of Olivia trying to get her life back on track, Ellie enters her life - and unexpectedly turns everything upside down. Olivia's emotions resemble a roller coaster, or rather a rope-pulling competition. On one side Sophia and the fear of forgetting her, and on the other side Ellie and the hope for new happiness she never expected. And there's Ben, how will he react to a new woman in their lives? Would he accept Ellie? Because one thing is as clear as day, Olivia's is only available in a double pack with Ben.
Ellie, the new occupational therapist at Ben's school, is attracted to Ben's mom from the very first moment. She is eager to get to know this fascinating woman better. She quickly gets on well with Ben, something that doesn't happen that fast with every child. Cheerful, charming, and outgoing, Ellie, who wears her heart on her sleeve, is a strong and sometimes stubborn woman, but also soft and vulnerable, especially about her somewhat fuller body.
Since the story is told from the point of view of the two MCs, we also experience Ellie's emotional world firsthand. Since the story is told from the point of view of both MCs, we also experience Ellie's emotional world firsthand. She falls head over heels in love with Olivia, although many warn her against a relationship with a widow who is several years older and has a child with special needs. For Ellie, it is quickly clear that Olivia is the one she wants. She knows very well that she must have a lot of patience, and must not force anything.
The author has done an extraordinary job of showing the despair, struggles, and emotions of a deeply wounded woman. Olivia vacillates between hope for something new and wonderful with Ellie and guilt and grief for her dead wife. She feels that she needs Ellie, but at the same time can stand her closeness the longer the less. It's heartbreaking to witness how she withdraws emotionally from Ellie. But spirited Ellie is a lioness, she doesn't give up, she fights for the little family she wants to be a part of.
One of the highlights of this story was Ben with his questions, his tantrums, his worries but also his joy and happiness. The conversations he has with his mom and Ellie seem natural and real, and often surprising. Another plus is the secondary characters, especially Arti, Sophia’s best friend ever, she made me laugh more than once. Also, the families and other friends are not simply supporting characters, but play an important role.
Although the story has very sad moments, sometimes life is just brutal, it is a story full of hope and a wonderful love story that I highly recommend to everyone. A story that will stay in your heart.
ARC was provided by the author to LezReviewBooks.com in exchange for an honest review.
Every so often I discover a novel that knocks my socks off. That it's a debut book is all the more impressive. Anne E. Terpstra gifts us with an incredibly powerful story about loss, grief, and anger, but also hope and a second chance at love. This author is already after one book one of my favorites, this story will stay long in my mind and heart.
Olivia had a happy life with her wife Sophia, and the common son Ben - until, with a big bang, it was over. A drunk driver ended the life of the whole family by a hair, miraculously Olivia and Ben had survived, but Sophia had not. I don’t know if I could hold myself back if some drunk would kill my wife. For me, this is pretty much the worst that could happen. How can you go back up after such a low blow? The emotions are strangling Sophia’s heart. The pain is brutal, both physically and emotionally. And yet she knows, she has to go on, because there is Ben, her autistic son, who had never needed her as much as he does now. An extremely difficult balancing act is trying to let go so she can get back to life, and at the same time preserve the memories of her wife and her son's mommy. And at home everything, I mean everything is reminding her of what she has lost.
After three long years of Olivia trying to get her life back on track, Ellie enters her life - and unexpectedly turns everything upside down. Olivia's emotions resemble a roller coaster, or rather a rope-pulling competition. On one side Sophia and the fear of forgetting her, and on the other side Ellie and the hope for new happiness she never expected. And there's Ben, how will he react to a new woman in their lives? Would he accept Ellie? Because one thing is as clear as day, Olivia's is only available in a double pack with Ben.
Ellie, the new occupational therapist at Ben's school, is attracted to Ben's mom from the very first moment. She is eager to get to know this fascinating woman better. She quickly gets on well with Ben, something that doesn't happen that fast with every child. Cheerful, charming, and outgoing, Ellie, who wears her heart on her sleeve, is a strong and sometimes stubborn woman, but also soft and vulnerable, especially about her somewhat fuller body.
Since the story is told from the point of view of the two MCs, we also experience Ellie's emotional world firsthand. Since the story is told from the point of view of both MCs, we also experience Ellie's emotional world firsthand. She falls head over heels in love with Olivia, although many warn her against a relationship with a widow who is several years older and has a child with special needs. For Ellie, it is quickly clear that Olivia is the one she wants. She knows very well that she must have a lot of patience, and must not force anything.
The author has done an extraordinary job of showing the despair, struggles, and emotions of a deeply wounded woman. Olivia vacillates between hope for something new and wonderful with Ellie and guilt and grief for her dead wife. She feels that she needs Ellie, but at the same time can stand her closeness the longer the less. It's heartbreaking to witness how she withdraws emotionally from Ellie. But spirited Ellie is a lioness, she doesn't give up, she fights for the little family she wants to be a part of.
One of the highlights of this story was Ben with his questions, his tantrums, his worries but also his joy and happiness. The conversations he has with his mom and Ellie seem natural and real, and often surprising. Another plus is the secondary characters, especially Arti, Sophia’s best friend ever, she made me laugh more than once. Also, the families and other friends are not simply supporting characters, but play an important role.
Although the story has very sad moments, sometimes life is just brutal, it is a story full of hope and a wonderful love story that I highly recommend to everyone. A story that will stay in your heart.
ARC was provided by the author to LezReviewBooks.com in exchange for an honest review.
July 3, 2022
Wonderful written and very moving story about loss and grief. And how to live a life after such great loss and the additional difficulities with the special needs of an autistic son. I loved both MC but especially Ellie who was the one to held on to the relationship when it was tough and didn’t give up easily. It was refreshing in regards to other books where there‘re often immediate splits.
Would like to read more from this author in the future. Highly recommend.
Would like to read more from this author in the future. Highly recommend.
January 25, 2023
Briefly, Ellie gets a new job as an occupational therapist at a center for children. She meets Olivia and her son, Ben, who is autistic. They fall in love.
I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book. Without a doubt, it’s an amazingly carved out story. To say that grief and loss are an additional character is not an exaggeration. Olivia is a widow and is still seeking peace or at least solace. Time has passed since the car accident but also stood still for Olivia. That is what is impossibly brilliant and excruciating to read. We watch Olivia deal with days of gaps and silence which have taken the place of her late wife. Only the love of family, friends, and especially, Ben, tether Olivia and keep her from being engulfed by sorrow. The author does not look away. She walks right into the fire and writes Olivia’s struggle in a way that is honest and brutal but filled with dignity, never using her pain as a prop but shared as a story that needs to be told. Likewise, the anguish of Ellie and the rest of Olivia’s circle who witness and open their hearts in the hope that that will be enough, is often equally painful.
The book does have lighter moments of humor and devastatingly intense intimacy (sex) which give respite and add nicely to the pace. Secondary characters are phenomenal and fully drawn which add even more depth. Finally, I thought the ending was breathtaking.
Also, a big shout out to this Chicago author who gave our neighborhoods and our people their due.
I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book. Without a doubt, it’s an amazingly carved out story. To say that grief and loss are an additional character is not an exaggeration. Olivia is a widow and is still seeking peace or at least solace. Time has passed since the car accident but also stood still for Olivia. That is what is impossibly brilliant and excruciating to read. We watch Olivia deal with days of gaps and silence which have taken the place of her late wife. Only the love of family, friends, and especially, Ben, tether Olivia and keep her from being engulfed by sorrow. The author does not look away. She walks right into the fire and writes Olivia’s struggle in a way that is honest and brutal but filled with dignity, never using her pain as a prop but shared as a story that needs to be told. Likewise, the anguish of Ellie and the rest of Olivia’s circle who witness and open their hearts in the hope that that will be enough, is often equally painful.
The book does have lighter moments of humor and devastatingly intense intimacy (sex) which give respite and add nicely to the pace. Secondary characters are phenomenal and fully drawn which add even more depth. Finally, I thought the ending was breathtaking.
Also, a big shout out to this Chicago author who gave our neighborhoods and our people their due.
March 20, 2023
An impressive debut novel filled with warmth, heartbreak, love and healing. Nothing is black and white in Olivia and Ellie's love story and I loved that the author didn't shy away from the hard questions, unpleasant scenes showing fear, anger and devastation. A book that will stay with me long after I've read it.
June 24, 2022
A single word instantly came to me the moment I finished the book: beautiful !
Chemistry and then some...!
Loss, grief, romance, commitment, family, happiness.., life itself.
Beautiful read
4.5 rounded to 5
Chemistry and then some...!
Loss, grief, romance, commitment, family, happiness.., life itself.
Beautiful read
4.5 rounded to 5
May 20, 2022
You read the blurb and know this book is about finding love after loss; what you didn't expect is this emotional journey you will go through, and it turned me into a sobbing mess.
Beyond Any Experience is Anne E. Terpstra's debut. She's an incredible storyteller, and her story will dig deep inside your heart. What happens to Olivia is a tragic story; it's heartbreaking and suffocating, but then there's Ellie, who's gentle and soft and very understanding; she'll make you feel heartwarming and full of hope and love. And there's more that I don't want to spoiler, but I also want to mention the sex scene in the book is so powerful; it's emotional and sensual (and steamy lol)
I love this book, and I can't stop thinking about it. I'd really love to read anything Anne writes in the future.
Thank you NetGalley and NineStar Press for an ARC ebook in exchange for an honest review
Beyond Any Experience is Anne E. Terpstra's debut. She's an incredible storyteller, and her story will dig deep inside your heart. What happens to Olivia is a tragic story; it's heartbreaking and suffocating, but then there's Ellie, who's gentle and soft and very understanding; she'll make you feel heartwarming and full of hope and love. And there's more that I don't want to spoiler, but I also want to mention the sex scene in the book is so powerful; it's emotional and sensual (and steamy lol)
I love this book, and I can't stop thinking about it. I'd really love to read anything Anne writes in the future.
Thank you NetGalley and NineStar Press for an ARC ebook in exchange for an honest review
June 27, 2022
A word is dead
When it is said,
Some say.
I say it just
Begins to live
That day.
Never such words by Emily Dickinson were so appropriate for a novel.
I don’t want to spoil to anyone the plot, because it’s so meticulously thought that saying anything would give away that element of surprise in finding it out and the raw feeling of being “almost there” when the story is told. I felt it on my skin, in my heart and in all the bitter and happy tears I shed while reading it. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, and it all starts with the absence of words.
Words that belong to the past. Words that you don’t dare to say anymore. Words that you crave for. Words and their loss, their pain, their anger, their guilt, their impossibility to be reached. When words are dead, they will turn into dust and dance around your mind like ghosts, until, one day, they will be reborn, ready to be told once again. And words are what Olivia is missing. Words have been stolen from her, and what all is left is silence, interrupted by harsh, metallic, haunting sounds.
The silence of Beyond Any Experience by Anne E. Terpstra is never the absence of sound as such, there’s always more into it. It’s silence that is “charged”, vibrating between bodies; it’s “empty”, crushing a body with its weight; it’s silence that you can never forget, because it simply means the end of everything. Silence becomes a tangible element turning into “fog”, “a wall”; “an iron mask”. Silence carries so many emotions in this novel. It is painful, awkward, pensive, and yet, Silence has never been so talkative. It speaks volumes.
If ever in your life you felt like words abandoned you, you would know that when they suddenly start to reappear you will be scared to say them again. A word is never only a word. A word has a history behind it. And when that history is so painful, you can’t make yourself think of that word again.
How much sorrow can a heart endure before it’s so broken beyond any possibility to return to a whole.
The story of Olivia, Sophia, Ben and Ellie is indeed a story “Beyond Any Experience”.
It will keep your heart “tight”, “Too tight! Too tight!” into a grasp of mixed feelings.
It will be an open window into what it means to be autistic and to have a child that is autistic. With the challenges, the unconditional love, and a lot of surprise element in seeing and hearing how their eyes look at the world. It’s different, it takes time to be at the same level, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking in the magic it creates when emotions are involved, because where the physicality of it ends, the use of words and the need to know what a word relating to emotion means is so intense. Everyone sees the world in a different way, but some of us have their own special way, and it’s beautiful to learn about it. Ben has all my heart. I had to cry so many times at the end, that I lost count. So adorably beautiful.
And the dichotomy of Ben and Olivia… between the need of having silence to calm the spirit and yet have words to make that silence bearable. Noise has never thought with Silence so much. Until finally Silence speaks. It is like coming back to life. It is like breaking all the walls that keep the words in a prison and letting them free. And those words are the metaphor of a past, represented by Sophia, and a future, represented by Ellie. An Italian and a Mexican. An ocean and more separating two cultures, and yet so much joins them.
I loved how Anne E. Terpstra has managed to embed multiethnicity in this novel. Being an Italian, I could relate so much to Sophia and Nonna. And my heart ached so much for Sophia. But I also fell in love with Ellie and Abuela. My grandmother, who I lost when only 14 years old, used to play the same LP many times a week and make us dance with her, and that memory is something that is so dear to me. When I read how also Abuela would dance with Ellie, my heart ached. Family bonds are deeply rooted in my culture, and even if they can be hard sometimes, they can never be erased, and I loved to see this represented in the novel. There’s such a respect for every culture. It’s beautiful to see. I think it’s the first time I saw it represented in a sapphic novel, where most of the characters are either American, British or Australian.
I only have love and admiration for this debut novel. I don’t think my words will make justice to it. There’s so much of it that hit me hard. I’ll just make a list because I want to remember them:
The conversation on the porch. The safety of it. The sorrow of a house filled with memories. The continuous climbing reaching the top, only to realize you are still standing at the edge of a ravine. The darkness threating to embrace you and never let you go anymore. The weight of grief in making your life lose all its color, and when color appears again, you try to hide in the darkness, because that is what you are familiar with now. The exceptional luck of falling in love not once, but twice in your life. The fear of losing everything once again. The power of true love that will fight against everything to be heard.
A love so precious you can’t but surrender to it, in all its fulfilment.
A love that is as spiritual as carnal. A passionate encounter between someone who lost her words and someone who’s afraid of speaking her words too soon.
I only loved one woman my whole life. But I fell in love twice with her. Darkness tried to take me away. I know what that ravine Olivia saw feels like. I know what it feels like when words elude you. I don’t think I can make myself think of what my darkness felt through the eyes of my wife. The guilt of it will always be with me. She didn’t stop fighting for me. She helped me get my words back. Because, between the two of us, I’ve always been the one blurting out words, and she knows what silence does to me.
Amazing book. Amazing. Once again, Judeinthestars was right. I should have known. So poetic.
Ps. I'm in love with Arti! But she's Greek! She's a Goddess!!
When it is said,
Some say.
I say it just
Begins to live
That day.
Never such words by Emily Dickinson were so appropriate for a novel.
I don’t want to spoil to anyone the plot, because it’s so meticulously thought that saying anything would give away that element of surprise in finding it out and the raw feeling of being “almost there” when the story is told. I felt it on my skin, in my heart and in all the bitter and happy tears I shed while reading it. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, and it all starts with the absence of words.
Words that belong to the past. Words that you don’t dare to say anymore. Words that you crave for. Words and their loss, their pain, their anger, their guilt, their impossibility to be reached. When words are dead, they will turn into dust and dance around your mind like ghosts, until, one day, they will be reborn, ready to be told once again. And words are what Olivia is missing. Words have been stolen from her, and what all is left is silence, interrupted by harsh, metallic, haunting sounds.
The silence of Beyond Any Experience by Anne E. Terpstra is never the absence of sound as such, there’s always more into it. It’s silence that is “charged”, vibrating between bodies; it’s “empty”, crushing a body with its weight; it’s silence that you can never forget, because it simply means the end of everything. Silence becomes a tangible element turning into “fog”, “a wall”; “an iron mask”. Silence carries so many emotions in this novel. It is painful, awkward, pensive, and yet, Silence has never been so talkative. It speaks volumes.
If ever in your life you felt like words abandoned you, you would know that when they suddenly start to reappear you will be scared to say them again. A word is never only a word. A word has a history behind it. And when that history is so painful, you can’t make yourself think of that word again.
How much sorrow can a heart endure before it’s so broken beyond any possibility to return to a whole.
The story of Olivia, Sophia, Ben and Ellie is indeed a story “Beyond Any Experience”.
It will keep your heart “tight”, “Too tight! Too tight!” into a grasp of mixed feelings.
It will be an open window into what it means to be autistic and to have a child that is autistic. With the challenges, the unconditional love, and a lot of surprise element in seeing and hearing how their eyes look at the world. It’s different, it takes time to be at the same level, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking in the magic it creates when emotions are involved, because where the physicality of it ends, the use of words and the need to know what a word relating to emotion means is so intense. Everyone sees the world in a different way, but some of us have their own special way, and it’s beautiful to learn about it. Ben has all my heart. I had to cry so many times at the end, that I lost count. So adorably beautiful.
And the dichotomy of Ben and Olivia… between the need of having silence to calm the spirit and yet have words to make that silence bearable. Noise has never thought with Silence so much. Until finally Silence speaks. It is like coming back to life. It is like breaking all the walls that keep the words in a prison and letting them free. And those words are the metaphor of a past, represented by Sophia, and a future, represented by Ellie. An Italian and a Mexican. An ocean and more separating two cultures, and yet so much joins them.
I loved how Anne E. Terpstra has managed to embed multiethnicity in this novel. Being an Italian, I could relate so much to Sophia and Nonna. And my heart ached so much for Sophia. But I also fell in love with Ellie and Abuela. My grandmother, who I lost when only 14 years old, used to play the same LP many times a week and make us dance with her, and that memory is something that is so dear to me. When I read how also Abuela would dance with Ellie, my heart ached. Family bonds are deeply rooted in my culture, and even if they can be hard sometimes, they can never be erased, and I loved to see this represented in the novel. There’s such a respect for every culture. It’s beautiful to see. I think it’s the first time I saw it represented in a sapphic novel, where most of the characters are either American, British or Australian.
I only have love and admiration for this debut novel. I don’t think my words will make justice to it. There’s so much of it that hit me hard. I’ll just make a list because I want to remember them:
The conversation on the porch. The safety of it. The sorrow of a house filled with memories. The continuous climbing reaching the top, only to realize you are still standing at the edge of a ravine. The darkness threating to embrace you and never let you go anymore. The weight of grief in making your life lose all its color, and when color appears again, you try to hide in the darkness, because that is what you are familiar with now. The exceptional luck of falling in love not once, but twice in your life. The fear of losing everything once again. The power of true love that will fight against everything to be heard.
A love so precious you can’t but surrender to it, in all its fulfilment.
A love that is as spiritual as carnal. A passionate encounter between someone who lost her words and someone who’s afraid of speaking her words too soon.
I only loved one woman my whole life. But I fell in love twice with her. Darkness tried to take me away. I know what that ravine Olivia saw feels like. I know what it feels like when words elude you. I don’t think I can make myself think of what my darkness felt through the eyes of my wife. The guilt of it will always be with me. She didn’t stop fighting for me. She helped me get my words back. Because, between the two of us, I’ve always been the one blurting out words, and she knows what silence does to me.
Amazing book. Amazing. Once again, Judeinthestars was right. I should have known. So poetic.
Ps. I'm in love with Arti! But she's Greek! She's a Goddess!!
April 16, 2023
My full review for this book is on The Lesbian Review website but I just wanted to say a few things here.
GO READ THIS BOOK! honestly this book is unbelievably beautiful! The writing is stunning and I literally couldn’t put it down, I read 90% in a day!
It’s a truly remarkable debut and this is going to be and author to look out for.
GO READ THIS BOOK! honestly this book is unbelievably beautiful! The writing is stunning and I literally couldn’t put it down, I read 90% in a day!
It’s a truly remarkable debut and this is going to be and author to look out for.
May 19, 2022
This is a complex and well-layered piece of fiction. The storytelling is exceptionally well done; the characters get under one’s skin. It’s an emotional story though, and its brutal honesty squeezes the heart at times. However, its tenderness is so warm and sweet, one can’t help but smile. This is one of those love stories that grabs readers. It’s the kind that readers enjoy a second or even third time. Why? Because it’s driven by emotions readers can understand and easily relate.
Besides being easy to fall into, Beyond Any Experience is well-mapped and character driven. The internal conflict is laid bare within the first chapters and readers are hooked. They clearly understand Olivia’s fears as well as her desires. They can also see that the two are in battle with one another. Olivia’s constant blame-game with herself over her wife Sophia’s death holds her back from truly living. In turn, it holds her son Ben back too. As a result, readers are glued to the pages watching the struggle play out. They appreciate the power of blame and guilt and understand the effect it has on Olivia’s grief. Furthermore, they want Olivia to push through this dark tunnel of despair and loneliness so that she can embrace joy and happiness again.
Ellie is the heroine in this heartfelt romance and a nice counterbalance to the strong personality of Olivia. She is everything this story needs. Most importantly though, she is everything Olivia and Ben need. Readers fall in love with her; she simply and effortlessly charms them. She is strong without being hard, vulnerable without being weak and more generous with her love than she probably should be. Readers are sympathetic to her. Ellie only wants to care for this fragile family. It’s a two way street though; Ellie has some emotional scars of her own that need healing, past hurts that have cut her deeply. By caring for Olivia and Ben, she restores her confidence and patches her heart. Moreover, her willful spirit provides a conduit for them all to recover and return to life.
Though the story construction and character development is beyond solid, it’s the honesty that really attracts readers. Terpstra has an uncanny ability to peel back the emotions in a straightforward way, one that feels real and authentic. She doesn’t shy away from illustrating the pain experienced by grief or hesitate to dig into the messiness it. It’s ugly, and she doesn’t pretend otherwise. She flays it wide open and these characters’ actions expose the realities that exist under its weight. And since it’s a part of Olivia and Ben’s life, she makes it a part of their journey. Because it is a part of their journey, it is also a part of their growth. Readers see them change and transform, an imperative part of this story. Their acceptance of Sophia’s death rehabs their ability to engage life, not sleepwalk through it.
Final remarks…
This is an emotional and heartfelt story, one that’s compelling as well as affecting. Readers are drawn to the characters inside these pages. They relate to their past hurts and deepest desires. Terpstra does an excellent job spinning this story. She infuses it with the right amounts of sadness, hope, joy and love, making it believable and beautiful. This is definitely one for the must-read pile.
Strengths…
Well-written
Solid character development
Wise, likable secondary characters
Relatable
Sticks with readers after they’ve finished
Re-readable
Compelling
Engaging
Besides being easy to fall into, Beyond Any Experience is well-mapped and character driven. The internal conflict is laid bare within the first chapters and readers are hooked. They clearly understand Olivia’s fears as well as her desires. They can also see that the two are in battle with one another. Olivia’s constant blame-game with herself over her wife Sophia’s death holds her back from truly living. In turn, it holds her son Ben back too. As a result, readers are glued to the pages watching the struggle play out. They appreciate the power of blame and guilt and understand the effect it has on Olivia’s grief. Furthermore, they want Olivia to push through this dark tunnel of despair and loneliness so that she can embrace joy and happiness again.
Ellie is the heroine in this heartfelt romance and a nice counterbalance to the strong personality of Olivia. She is everything this story needs. Most importantly though, she is everything Olivia and Ben need. Readers fall in love with her; she simply and effortlessly charms them. She is strong without being hard, vulnerable without being weak and more generous with her love than she probably should be. Readers are sympathetic to her. Ellie only wants to care for this fragile family. It’s a two way street though; Ellie has some emotional scars of her own that need healing, past hurts that have cut her deeply. By caring for Olivia and Ben, she restores her confidence and patches her heart. Moreover, her willful spirit provides a conduit for them all to recover and return to life.
Though the story construction and character development is beyond solid, it’s the honesty that really attracts readers. Terpstra has an uncanny ability to peel back the emotions in a straightforward way, one that feels real and authentic. She doesn’t shy away from illustrating the pain experienced by grief or hesitate to dig into the messiness it. It’s ugly, and she doesn’t pretend otherwise. She flays it wide open and these characters’ actions expose the realities that exist under its weight. And since it’s a part of Olivia and Ben’s life, she makes it a part of their journey. Because it is a part of their journey, it is also a part of their growth. Readers see them change and transform, an imperative part of this story. Their acceptance of Sophia’s death rehabs their ability to engage life, not sleepwalk through it.
Final remarks…
This is an emotional and heartfelt story, one that’s compelling as well as affecting. Readers are drawn to the characters inside these pages. They relate to their past hurts and deepest desires. Terpstra does an excellent job spinning this story. She infuses it with the right amounts of sadness, hope, joy and love, making it believable and beautiful. This is definitely one for the must-read pile.
Strengths…
Well-written
Solid character development
Wise, likable secondary characters
Relatable
Sticks with readers after they’ve finished
Re-readable
Compelling
Engaging
June 28, 2022
This is a debut author folks. What I read just now? That's NOT what a debut author reads like. This is without question, the best book of the 106 books I've read so far this year. Hell it's the best book I've read in recent memory. It's like the author ripped my heart out of my chest and held it just out of reach saying, "You'll get this back when you're done." I was so completely 100% invested in this that I put off finishing it. I can't even number the amount of times I teared up while reading this. Masterwork. Pure and simple.
December 20, 2023
Olivia's love Sophia died in a car accident. Leaving her a single mother of Ben their autistic son. Taking him to a center that works with autistic children she meets Ellie.
Ellie makes her attraction to Olivia known. And they start seeing one another on Olivia's porch, while Ben sleeps inside.
This follows the love story of both women and Ellie's love of Ben. It is a heartwarming and loving story. Should be more than 5 stars.
Ellie makes her attraction to Olivia known. And they start seeing one another on Olivia's porch, while Ben sleeps inside.
This follows the love story of both women and Ellie's love of Ben. It is a heartwarming and loving story. Should be more than 5 stars.
November 22, 2022
Even though I’ve finished this book I feel like I’m still immersed in it’s world and don’t want to leave. I think the best word to describe this story is intense. The romance, intimacy, and grief was so emotional and so well done. The author did an excellent job making me feel everything the characters were feeling. I really loved this story, and truly felt like I knew and loved Ellie and Olivia (and their cast of family and friends). I wish I could have stayed with them longer. One of the best books I’ve read this year. Oh, and expect to cry. A lot.
May 16, 2022
^Beyond Any Experience
^Anne E. Terpstra
^MC Olivia Northman & Ellie Vasquez
Review
Olivia is going through various stages of emotions since losing her wife. Her Autistic son is going through ups and downs at school, and trying to express himself. Olivia is a wonderful mother, she wants to give Ben a good life and teach him out to communicate his needs with others.
Olivia allowed her guilt and grief to sink her into a deep black hole. She was becoming unrecognizable.
Grief is a black hole. A piece of your heart leaves with the person who dies. Olivia was struggling. One of my godsons has autism and I love and adore him. He was non verbal, so I understand the pain Olivia was going through.
Ellie Vasquez is the new occupational therapist at Ben’s school. Who lights ignites a fire under Olivia.
Olivia has a strong desire for Ellie. She can’t control the fire between them. They spend time together and there connection begins to grow deeper.
I felt like Olivia had a hard road ahead of her. Being a single parent of an Autistic child, you could feel at times she was tired and really needed a shoulder to rest on. Someone who would be there and understand the struggles. She loved Ben with her whole heart, it pained her to see the emotional challenges Ben was expressing.
Ellie wanted to know Olivia and she wanted to support her, be her safe space. She was fascinated by her strength and beauty .
The love scenes were hot and sexy and very intimate. Olivia touched each part of Ellie’s soul. She made her feel so special and worshipped. Tender but insistent.
I loved how well Olivia and Ellie communicated with each other. They told each other the good, bad and their insecurities.
Ellie was very kind to Ben, and certain situations that he required more care and consideration.
This debut book is a story of love , raising above your fears, letting go of old demons and having those conversations that may cause pain. Plus, let’s not forget those steamy scenes in the book. Omg! I highly recommend this book, please give the author a chance you will not be disappointed. The book is available on Amazon May 31 , 2022 ! 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Thank you to the author for the arc.
^Anne E. Terpstra
^MC Olivia Northman & Ellie Vasquez
Review
Olivia is going through various stages of emotions since losing her wife. Her Autistic son is going through ups and downs at school, and trying to express himself. Olivia is a wonderful mother, she wants to give Ben a good life and teach him out to communicate his needs with others.
Olivia allowed her guilt and grief to sink her into a deep black hole. She was becoming unrecognizable.
Grief is a black hole. A piece of your heart leaves with the person who dies. Olivia was struggling. One of my godsons has autism and I love and adore him. He was non verbal, so I understand the pain Olivia was going through.
Ellie Vasquez is the new occupational therapist at Ben’s school. Who lights ignites a fire under Olivia.
Olivia has a strong desire for Ellie. She can’t control the fire between them. They spend time together and there connection begins to grow deeper.
I felt like Olivia had a hard road ahead of her. Being a single parent of an Autistic child, you could feel at times she was tired and really needed a shoulder to rest on. Someone who would be there and understand the struggles. She loved Ben with her whole heart, it pained her to see the emotional challenges Ben was expressing.
Ellie wanted to know Olivia and she wanted to support her, be her safe space. She was fascinated by her strength and beauty .
The love scenes were hot and sexy and very intimate. Olivia touched each part of Ellie’s soul. She made her feel so special and worshipped. Tender but insistent.
I loved how well Olivia and Ellie communicated with each other. They told each other the good, bad and their insecurities.
Ellie was very kind to Ben, and certain situations that he required more care and consideration.
This debut book is a story of love , raising above your fears, letting go of old demons and having those conversations that may cause pain. Plus, let’s not forget those steamy scenes in the book. Omg! I highly recommend this book, please give the author a chance you will not be disappointed. The book is available on Amazon May 31 , 2022 ! 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Thank you to the author for the arc.
October 23, 2025
Every so often I'm reminded why I love reading so much. This book slapped me in the heart with the love story of Olivia, Ellie, Ben and Sophia. The synopsis covers what this excellent story is about. So I'm going to tell you about all the feels this book put me through. Loving and losing someone is a hard road and grief knows no time limit. When Olivia loses her wife Sophia in a car accident, she's left living a shell of herself as grief takes over. Ellie is an aide at Olivia's son, Ben's school. Ellie is smitten and plays the long game trying to win Olivia and her son Ben who is on the spectrum. What unfolds is touching, spicy, loving, angsty and a long game win. I teared up often reading this. Loving to have my heart put through its paces and a box of tissues nearby, I heartily recommend this book 10+stars.
July 1, 2022
Superb!
It's unbelievable that this is a debut novel. The writing style is top-notch and it gripped me from the first sentence. The feelings of emptiness, despair and yearning, the special moments with the autistic son, but also the hope, the true friendship and heartwarming love, it all makes it a superb story. Beyond Any Experience is an unforgettable novel and it is therefore impossible for me to write a review that does this story justice. All I can say is, my hats off to this author. I highly recommend it.
It's unbelievable that this is a debut novel. The writing style is top-notch and it gripped me from the first sentence. The feelings of emptiness, despair and yearning, the special moments with the autistic son, but also the hope, the true friendship and heartwarming love, it all makes it a superb story. Beyond Any Experience is an unforgettable novel and it is therefore impossible for me to write a review that does this story justice. All I can say is, my hats off to this author. I highly recommend it.
July 13, 2022
Super emotional and angsty. Which I love. So you know it is 5 stars for me.
June 23, 2022
An angsty, lovely romance.
October 2, 2022
Skip read this, gave it 4 stars but it sort of burrowed in, I left it and then I started again and read it fully. Very powerful, hard read, but worth it. Recommended.
October 29, 2022
3.75 stars. Enjoyable and well written debut
I really enjoyed this book. Olivia‘s grief and struggles just trying to hold her life together for her autistic son seemed genuine and realistic. You really felt for her.
The author did a great job bringing Sophia’s memory into the story. As a reader, I had a really good idea of the type of person and mother that she was and because of that the grief and sadness. Olivia felt really hit home.
Ellie was a great character and a good counterbalance to Olivia’s more conservative personality. You could feel how she was bringing the lightness back to Olivia’s life. I loved how confident and fierce she was. It’s rare when an MC is as sure of their feelings as she was, but it was perfect for the story.
Really impressed with this debut and will definitely be looking out for additional books by this author.
I really enjoyed this book. Olivia‘s grief and struggles just trying to hold her life together for her autistic son seemed genuine and realistic. You really felt for her.
The author did a great job bringing Sophia’s memory into the story. As a reader, I had a really good idea of the type of person and mother that she was and because of that the grief and sadness. Olivia felt really hit home.
Ellie was a great character and a good counterbalance to Olivia’s more conservative personality. You could feel how she was bringing the lightness back to Olivia’s life. I loved how confident and fierce she was. It’s rare when an MC is as sure of their feelings as she was, but it was perfect for the story.
Really impressed with this debut and will definitely be looking out for additional books by this author.
December 4, 2022
Many feels, but didn't quite hit the five star mark for me. Honestly, I would have appreciated, as always, the wronged MC to give the person space and let them decide if they actually want to be in a healthy, happy relationship rather than insisting that they will be there even if pushed away.
November 3, 2022
[I received a digital copy from PrideBookTours for an honest review]
Beyond Any Experience by Anne E. Terpstra is a beautiful and moving wlw contemporary romance.
"I think everything of you. Which is why I want to try."
Olivia's life forever changed when she lost her wife in an accident. She now raises their autistic son on her own. The first time she tries dating, it turns her off attempting another relationship. She doesn't expect the connection she forms with Ellie, a new OT at her son's therapy clinic. Ellie is younger than her and wears her heart on her sleeve, while Olivia guards hers tight. As they slowly build their relationship and both Ellie and Olivia's son Ben start forming attachments, moving on suddenly becomes real to Olivia. She realizes maybe she's not quite ready to move on from her late wife and buckles under the weight of her grief. Ellie proves that she's all in by being there when Olivia needs her the most.
"Hard, easy, it doesn't matter as long as I have you." Ellie drew her into a strong hug, and she returned it with fierce intensity. "You have me."
I don't even know where to start with this book, because I honestly loved every moment of it. I'll start with the characters. Olivia is a widowed single mother raising a preteen autistic son. She puts everything into raising her son and making him the best life possible. So much so that she buries her own struggles and grief, which she eventually has to face. She's fiercely protective, real and relatable to me. Ellie is a bright character, who is caring, patient and loves hard. I loved her close relationship with her abuela and her brother, every time they interacted it brought a smile to my face. Then we have Ben, who is the sweetest and reminded me so much of my own son. The bond he forms with Ellie is completely heartwarming.
"I think you're incredible. I just want to be enough for you. I want to make you happy."
The book does a good job balancing Olivia's life as a single parent to a preteen child with autism with her starting a new relationship. It focuses primarily on the relationship romance, but doesn't ignore the fact that she has a son. And the further they get in their relationship, the more he becomes a part of the story. The first half of the book focus' on Olivia and Ellie, one-on-one building and exploring their connection. Ben's not on page much at first,, but when they take that next step in their relationship there are more scenes with the three of them all interacting. The intimate scenes are lovely, beautiful, steamy and passionate. I love that they both have flaws and that they both have their own insecurities, and they each take the time to highlight how beautiful they find each other and make each other feel sexy. There is a whole lot of intimate scenes in this one, since at one point Olivia uses sex to avoid talking about her feelings. Holy moly they are hot , probably the best written wlw scenes I've come ever read, with toys, vibrators, and anal play 🔥🔥
"There isn't a part of you I'd change." A tongue laved her arch. "There isn't a piece of you that doesn't take my breath away ." Teeth nipped her heel. "And I will prove it by licking every square inch of your luscious skin."
The autism representation was wonderfully done. I'm a mom to a 12-year-old on the autism spectrum and while Olivia's son is much more verbal than mine , I go through so many of the same struggles she faces in the book every day. Many books tend to do extremes when it comes to portraying autism in kids, but this one hits it right on the hed , at least compared to my experience. Everything from the meltdowns due to routine changes and over stimulation felt like I was reading about my own son. I couldn't imagine doing it on my own, which left me in awe of Olivia's character.
Ellie's lips curled into a smile she hadn't seen before, soft and tender, the kind that whispered secrets across pillows and shimmered beneath a fluttering sheet.
Overall, Beyond Any Experience by Anne E. Terpstra worked for me in every single way. A wlw romance with a second chance at love for a single parent with hurt-comfort, an age gap, high steam, grief, love, meet-the-family, porch dates, hot baths, and a fought for happy ending.
Beyond Any Experience by Anne E. Terpstra is a beautiful and moving wlw contemporary romance.
"I think everything of you. Which is why I want to try."
Olivia's life forever changed when she lost her wife in an accident. She now raises their autistic son on her own. The first time she tries dating, it turns her off attempting another relationship. She doesn't expect the connection she forms with Ellie, a new OT at her son's therapy clinic. Ellie is younger than her and wears her heart on her sleeve, while Olivia guards hers tight. As they slowly build their relationship and both Ellie and Olivia's son Ben start forming attachments, moving on suddenly becomes real to Olivia. She realizes maybe she's not quite ready to move on from her late wife and buckles under the weight of her grief. Ellie proves that she's all in by being there when Olivia needs her the most.
"Hard, easy, it doesn't matter as long as I have you." Ellie drew her into a strong hug, and she returned it with fierce intensity. "You have me."
I don't even know where to start with this book, because I honestly loved every moment of it. I'll start with the characters. Olivia is a widowed single mother raising a preteen autistic son. She puts everything into raising her son and making him the best life possible. So much so that she buries her own struggles and grief, which she eventually has to face. She's fiercely protective, real and relatable to me. Ellie is a bright character, who is caring, patient and loves hard. I loved her close relationship with her abuela and her brother, every time they interacted it brought a smile to my face. Then we have Ben, who is the sweetest and reminded me so much of my own son. The bond he forms with Ellie is completely heartwarming.
"I think you're incredible. I just want to be enough for you. I want to make you happy."
The book does a good job balancing Olivia's life as a single parent to a preteen child with autism with her starting a new relationship. It focuses primarily on the relationship romance, but doesn't ignore the fact that she has a son. And the further they get in their relationship, the more he becomes a part of the story. The first half of the book focus' on Olivia and Ellie, one-on-one building and exploring their connection. Ben's not on page much at first,, but when they take that next step in their relationship there are more scenes with the three of them all interacting. The intimate scenes are lovely, beautiful, steamy and passionate. I love that they both have flaws and that they both have their own insecurities, and they each take the time to highlight how beautiful they find each other and make each other feel sexy. There is a whole lot of intimate scenes in this one, since at one point Olivia uses sex to avoid talking about her feelings. Holy moly they are hot , probably the best written wlw scenes I've come ever read, with toys, vibrators, and anal play 🔥🔥
"There isn't a part of you I'd change." A tongue laved her arch. "There isn't a piece of you that doesn't take my breath away ." Teeth nipped her heel. "And I will prove it by licking every square inch of your luscious skin."
The autism representation was wonderfully done. I'm a mom to a 12-year-old on the autism spectrum and while Olivia's son is much more verbal than mine , I go through so many of the same struggles she faces in the book every day. Many books tend to do extremes when it comes to portraying autism in kids, but this one hits it right on the hed , at least compared to my experience. Everything from the meltdowns due to routine changes and over stimulation felt like I was reading about my own son. I couldn't imagine doing it on my own, which left me in awe of Olivia's character.
Ellie's lips curled into a smile she hadn't seen before, soft and tender, the kind that whispered secrets across pillows and shimmered beneath a fluttering sheet.
Overall, Beyond Any Experience by Anne E. Terpstra worked for me in every single way. A wlw romance with a second chance at love for a single parent with hurt-comfort, an age gap, high steam, grief, love, meet-the-family, porch dates, hot baths, and a fought for happy ending.
March 29, 2023
A book about finding love after loss. And an autistic son.
I think those two lines sum this book up perfectly. I'm not sure how I feel about this book. At times I was lost in the timeline, I'm still not sure how much time has passed over the span of this book.
The way Ben, the autistic son, is used as an excuse or as a storytelling tool bugs me a little. I feel this book can be all about romance and grief at some points and others all about Ben’s autism. I guess that's the way it works in real life as well, for me it didn't necessarily work in this book. Too many “storylines” vying for attention.
What I liked is the diversity in the characters, all from different backgrounds, all different professions, and all different shapes and sizes. The body positivity message in this book is awesome. For a debut the writing is excellent, actually, it's just excellent, doesn't matter how many books someone has written. The grief and how someone else is taking up the space of the person who died is well-written and beautifully done. It's just the other things I can't make sense of, somehow I liked this book, but at the same time, I didn't.
While I'm writing this and thinking about how this book made me feel I just can't find the exact words to describe it. It certainly isn't bad, it wasn't a negative reading experience, something about this book just didn't work for me.
I think those two lines sum this book up perfectly. I'm not sure how I feel about this book. At times I was lost in the timeline, I'm still not sure how much time has passed over the span of this book.
The way Ben, the autistic son, is used as an excuse or as a storytelling tool bugs me a little. I feel this book can be all about romance and grief at some points and others all about Ben’s autism. I guess that's the way it works in real life as well, for me it didn't necessarily work in this book. Too many “storylines” vying for attention.
What I liked is the diversity in the characters, all from different backgrounds, all different professions, and all different shapes and sizes. The body positivity message in this book is awesome. For a debut the writing is excellent, actually, it's just excellent, doesn't matter how many books someone has written. The grief and how someone else is taking up the space of the person who died is well-written and beautifully done. It's just the other things I can't make sense of, somehow I liked this book, but at the same time, I didn't.
While I'm writing this and thinking about how this book made me feel I just can't find the exact words to describe it. It certainly isn't bad, it wasn't a negative reading experience, something about this book just didn't work for me.
June 20, 2025
This is the story about Olivia grieving the love of her life and trying to love and letting herself be happy again. Having an autistic 11 year old son makes it extra hard to let someone new completely in. For Ellie it is also hard to capture a place in Olivia's life, knowing how much she loved her late wife Sophia and her son Ben always coms first and asks a lot of attention. It's an honest and heartfelt story but it certainly isn't always sad. It's also beautiful and the physicality of their blooming relationship adds some seriously sexy moments.
June 12, 2022
Lovely turns of phrase
I truly enjoyed reading this debut novel. Anne painted lush scenes with her words. The storyline kept me interested until the very end. I thought her portrayal of autism and the challenges and joys of parenting was well done.
I truly enjoyed reading this debut novel. Anne painted lush scenes with her words. The storyline kept me interested until the very end. I thought her portrayal of autism and the challenges and joys of parenting was well done.
May 30, 2022
This was a delightfully satisfying book. It’s lovely, sad, sexy, intermittently joyful, full of complicated emotions, and thought-provoking.
May 7, 2024
Terpstra is an incredible writer and this is one hell of a debut book.
The characters are richly developed, with distinct personalities and behaviors- and this includes the multiple side characters. Even characters that are no longer living when the book begins are fleshed out and their places within the family structures are established and touched on beautifully throughout.
We get to see not only the ties that have bound Olivia and Ellie to their own families throughout their lives, but how those ties extend beyond death, and how those connections can still be honored while new bonds are being formed. I loved that we were shown intergenerational relationships, those between in-laws and found family, and how all these different kinds of relationships inform one another and weave together for the MCs. The inclusion of Italian and Mexican family dynamics was a nice bonus to these layers.
Other things I really enjoyed were the handling of grief and how it affects various people differently, the accurate depictions of parenting an Autistic child and *being* an Autistic child, the nuances of moving through trauma, and the framing of body positivity, especially in relation to attraction and feeling safe/seen during intimacy.
There were so many different things going on in the plot, with so many various characters moving through their own healing, and yet, no plot point or character ever felt like it was too much or undeveloped. Everything came together masterfully and I really have a sense that I know and love these characters.
This is a book that will stay with me and that I'll surely revisit. I can't wait to see what Terpstra writes next.
The characters are richly developed, with distinct personalities and behaviors- and this includes the multiple side characters. Even characters that are no longer living when the book begins are fleshed out and their places within the family structures are established and touched on beautifully throughout.
We get to see not only the ties that have bound Olivia and Ellie to their own families throughout their lives, but how those ties extend beyond death, and how those connections can still be honored while new bonds are being formed. I loved that we were shown intergenerational relationships, those between in-laws and found family, and how all these different kinds of relationships inform one another and weave together for the MCs. The inclusion of Italian and Mexican family dynamics was a nice bonus to these layers.
Other things I really enjoyed were the handling of grief and how it affects various people differently, the accurate depictions of parenting an Autistic child and *being* an Autistic child, the nuances of moving through trauma, and the framing of body positivity, especially in relation to attraction and feeling safe/seen during intimacy.
There were so many different things going on in the plot, with so many various characters moving through their own healing, and yet, no plot point or character ever felt like it was too much or undeveloped. Everything came together masterfully and I really have a sense that I know and love these characters.
This is a book that will stay with me and that I'll surely revisit. I can't wait to see what Terpstra writes next.
February 16, 2024
I don’t really have words for this book. Like it was generally so beautifully written and I’m glad I excused the age gap in this because this book was perfect.
May 27, 2022
This book is labeled as literary fiction and women’s fiction, but don’t be fooled — it’s every bit as much of a lesbian romance as the others. It just takes on a deeper subject. It still follows the exact same formula as lesbian romance, though, including some sex scenes that were so hot they almost crossed over into being too much.
The heartbreak of becoming a young widow can’t be known by any of us who haven’t experienced it. But this book definitely put it into context as far as the emotions involved with the entire thing. I felt sorry for Olivia, and I could understand where some of her lesser impulses came from. I also found it beautiful that it took a woman 10 years younger to bring her back to herself.
This was a very emotional story, and it’s pretty much guaranteed to make you cry. Be aware of that going into it.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an ARC. This review contains my honest, unbiased opinion.
The heartbreak of becoming a young widow can’t be known by any of us who haven’t experienced it. But this book definitely put it into context as far as the emotions involved with the entire thing. I felt sorry for Olivia, and I could understand where some of her lesser impulses came from. I also found it beautiful that it took a woman 10 years younger to bring her back to herself.
This was a very emotional story, and it’s pretty much guaranteed to make you cry. Be aware of that going into it.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an ARC. This review contains my honest, unbiased opinion.
January 26, 2023
Thank you to netgalley for the arc. Before I start this review, I just want to say that this book has some very heavy trigger warnings, such as death of a loved one, blood, and suicide to name a few.
Beyond Any Experience is a literary romance novel about second love and dealing with the grief of losing a loved one. It is well written, and achingly sad. It also has some extremely spicy scenes, that, while being very well written, I found jarring when compared to the rest of the book which was a very different tone. I found this book very triggering, I was shaking and crying at one point, and found I had to put the book down a lot. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it definitely affected my ‘enjoyment’ of the book. I knew it was about grief going into it, but I didn’t realize exactly how detailed it was going to get. And boy did it get detailed about Sophia’s death in some spots. This really triggered my anxiety.
I found the development of Olivia and Ellie’s relationship really well done, but I also found myself getting frustrated with Olivia and the way she treated Ellie (even though I know it’s because of her trauma, she still had some pretty shitty moments.)
Olivia’s son is autistic, and as an autistic reader, I was on high alert for any negative representation. And while I didn’t see any out right bad representation, I still felt iffy about it.
Overall, 3.5/5 stars.
Beyond Any Experience is a literary romance novel about second love and dealing with the grief of losing a loved one. It is well written, and achingly sad. It also has some extremely spicy scenes, that, while being very well written, I found jarring when compared to the rest of the book which was a very different tone. I found this book very triggering, I was shaking and crying at one point, and found I had to put the book down a lot. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it definitely affected my ‘enjoyment’ of the book. I knew it was about grief going into it, but I didn’t realize exactly how detailed it was going to get. And boy did it get detailed about Sophia’s death in some spots. This really triggered my anxiety.
I found the development of Olivia and Ellie’s relationship really well done, but I also found myself getting frustrated with Olivia and the way she treated Ellie (even though I know it’s because of her trauma, she still had some pretty shitty moments.)
Olivia’s son is autistic, and as an autistic reader, I was on high alert for any negative representation. And while I didn’t see any out right bad representation, I still felt iffy about it.
Overall, 3.5/5 stars.
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