How to Understand Your Sexuality: A Practical Guide for Exploring Who You Are

by Meg-John Barker

Gay, straight, queer, pansexual, demisexual, ace...? Sexuality is complex and diverse, but it doesn't have to be confusing.

This down-to-earth guideis the ultimate companion for understanding, accepting and celebrating your sexuality. Written by two internationally renowned authors and therapists, the book explains how sexuality works in terms of our identities, attractions, desires and practices, and explores how it intersects with our personal experiences and the world around us.

With activities and reflection points throughout, it offers space to tune into yourself and think deeply about your own sexuality. You'll hear from people across the sexuality spectrum and in different relationship set-ups, and be inspired by the ideas of scholars, activists and practitioners. Sexuality is a vast and wonderful landscape - let this book guide you on your journey!

Genres: Queer, Sexuality, Nonfiction, LGBT, Gender Studies, Self Help

348 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 18, 2021

About the author

Dr. Meg-John Barker is a writer, therapist, and activist-academic specialising in sex, gender and relationships. Their popular books include the (anti-)self-help relationship book Rewriting the Rules, The Secrets of Enduring Love (with Jacqui Gabb), Queer: A Graphic History (with Julia Scheele), and Enjoy Sex, How, When and If You Want To (with Justin Hancock). Meg-John is a senior lecturer in psychology at the Open University and has published many academic books and papers on topics including non-monogamous relationships, sadomasochism, counselling, and mindfulness, as well as co-founding the journal Psychology & Sexuality and the activist-research organisation BiUK. They were the lead author of The Bisexuality Report – which has informed UK policy and practice around bisexuality – and are currently co-editing a book on non-binary gender with similar aims in that area. They are involved in running many public events on sexuality and relationships, including Sense about Sex and Critical Sexology. Meg-John is a UKCP accredited psychotherapist working with gender, sexually, and relationship diverse (GSRD) clients.

Reviews

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really excited to assign this in an Intro to Sexuality course I'm teaching in the spring. It is centered around individual experience but addresses systems, society and relationship really expertly while still being accessible and readable. It has useful activities peppered throughout and I appreciated the breaks built in to check in with yourself and breathe.

[Cornelius · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to the friend who recommended this book to me!! ~

[Meep · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a much deeper book than ‘am I gay?’ And indeed does not explicitly tell you how to answer that question. Instead MJ and Alex invite us to think about all aspects of sexuality and our relationship to this, including asexualities and other ways of intimately connecting that go beyond ‘sex’.

This isn’t quite the book I was expecting but it was definitely a book I enjoyed and I look forward to reading the third in the series ‘relationships’ when that comes out.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up from the library without much thought, though the title suggested a personal self-help guide about understanding your own sexuality. I was pleasantly surprised to discover this book is so much more than that.

It is an informative and inclusive discussion covering relationships, communication, consent, desire, self-consciousness, pleasure, kinks, and identity (plus more). These themes are examined on both an individual/personal level, but importantly, on a broader societal and cultural level which helps place the individual/personal in context, dissecting cultural norms and expectations, and explaining the history and evolution of multiple sexualities in the process.

The respectful and embracing tone of the authors, along with optional reflection activities can allow you to better understand yourself and be more comfortable in your own identity and practices. I found the personal anecdotes from the 'Multiple experiences' sections to be particularly helpful with that.

Thank you for an excellent read, and I look forward to the other books in the trilogy.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's educated me about how to educate my kids on the topic. And it also made me realise some biases about hetero normativity that I grew up with and how far it extends into culture.

However, I do feel like there are some things about consent that should be explicitly said, that weren't in this book.

[Stephen Tuck · Rating 1 out of 5]

Mostly it’s undergraduate-level liberal-arts hooey with a sprinkling of pop-psychology. The material on activism reads like it was slapped together to make up the word count. Likely to do more harm than good to an impressionable reader.

[Gemma Lawson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Boring

[Milk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent as always from this author. Completely loved the gentle journey I was taken on. Can't recommend this book enough - for anyone!!

[Boka]

Some time for myself

[Courtney]

Have to return this before I was able to finish it; left off on page 52.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book truly helped me explore various aspects of my sexuality without fear, or shame, and I am excited to continue reflecting on various ideas brought up in this book.