Vaikka luin kirjan suomeksi, englanti on itselle paljon helpompi kieli millä ilmaista tunteita ja ajatuksia niin sillä päätin tämän arvostelun kirjoittaa.
*note: I do apologise for this review being a bit all over the place, but I just had to get all my thoughts down right after I finished reading.
Immediately I have to say this book made me giggle, sob uncontrollably, curse out loud, and just be so deeply immersed in the story I finished the whole book within 2 days.
I'm a TCK (third culture kid) myself and although I've been familiar with the term for a few years now, this brought to light a whole new level of relatability and understanding I haven't yet come across before. I'm "from" Finland, but have lived abroad for 15 years of my life between Europe and the Middle East. I'm currently living in Finland whilst my parents and sister are located in South East Asia.
I have never felt more out of place in my life as I do right now, and there aren't enough words to describe the level of comfort this book gave me while reading it. It's like someone showed me that they've been through exactly what I'm going through and everything turned out fine in the end for them, so surely it will for me too.
In addition to feeling comforted by the story of a fellow TCK, this was an especially important story for me to find because of these reasons:
- it's told by a fellow woman whose parents are Finnish, like mine. Hearing how you feel about Finland and living here made me feel so validated in my experiences and justifying how suffocating it can feel being surrounded by the silence, unfamiliar culture that's supposed to be familiar, the frustratingly difficult language, depressive dark seasons, and realizing that it wasn't the fairytale land which it seemed to be when we were kids.
- Lottie is an eldest daughter like myself and I really related to the part where she helped guide her sister by encouraging her to pursue arts and theatre in lukio. I also have a younger sister and although I am incredibly proud of her and everything that she has accomplished, I feel like she had a lot more guidance in her life than I ever did, both from schools and our parents, making it easier for her to pursue her dreams faster and with a clearer path.
- this feeling of homesickness for places that either don't exist or no longer exist as you once knew them is all too real. The familiarity of an airport and that comfortable space between cultures was something I had never thought of but could relate to the moment she put it into words.
And here are some other general points and thoughts that I came across while reading that I could relate to as a TCK:
- mixing 4 different languages with family and close friends.
- being used to counting the time zone difference when calling my parents and best friends.
- not quite knowing where home is or how to answer to the question "where are you from?"
- immediately getting along better with fellow TCKs than people from your "home" culture.
- family is one of the only stable things in your life so they become more important to you than anything else.
- you're left with this constant need to keep moving. Being able to get along fine everywhere in the world but not quite feeling at home anywhere.
- goodbyes and funerals for lost friendships and past homes has become all too familiar.
- having the tendency to avoid building long lasting friendships because you're so used to picking up and leaving it all behind. I personally love meeting people and talking with anyone I can, but I rarely make the effort to build anything stronger than that. It's just what feels most natural to me while my Finnish friend & roommate feels the complete opposite - she despises small talk and deeply values and cares for her friendships that have lasted two decades.
- the endless questions to yourself about "how would things be different if our family had never moved abroad?"
My final conclusion is that although growing up as a TCK brings and immense amount of tough and complex feelings that take years to unpack, the experiences (with all the highs and lows) make it all worth it because that's a type of cultural richness in life that stays with you till the grave. And even after all the goodbyes and new beginnings, I would never change my TCK background for anything.
Thank you Lottie/Lotta for sharing your story, reminding me the importance of dreams and staying true to yourself. You helped me put together pieces of my own identity that I've been fumbling around with for years, not knowing quite how to piece them together on my own.