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I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye: A Memoir of Loss, Grief, and Love
In this deeply emotional memoir, a longtime ESPN writer reflects on the suicide of his son Max and delves into how their complicated relationship led him to see grief as love.In February 2015, Ivan Maisel received a call that would alter his life his son Max's car had been found abandoned in a parking next to Lake Ontario. Two months later, Max's body would be found in the lake. There’d been no note or obvious indication that Max wanted to harm himself; he’d signed up for a year-long subscription to a dating service; he’d spent the day he disappeared doing photography work for school. And this uncertainty became part of his father’s grief. I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye explores with grace, depth, and refinement the tragically transformative reality of losing a child. But it also tells the deeply human and deeply empathetic story of a father’s relationship with his son, of its complications, and of Max and Ivan’s struggle—as is the case for so many parents and their children—to connect.I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye is a stunning, poignant exploration of the father and son relationship, of how our tendency to overlook men’s mental health can have devastating consequences, and how ultimately letting those who grieve do so openly and freely can lead to greater healing.
241 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 26, 2021
58 people are currently reading
680 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 80 reviews
July 8, 2021
I read an early copy of this and cannot recommend it enough. I will admit - I am biased (as his daughter)! But I deeply believe this is a moving memoir about what it’s like to lose a child and all the ways that loss reverberates through your life - and the lives of those you love. I think anyone can learn from the book, and the writing is incredibly moving.
March 29, 2023
Ivan Maisel's book is Fairfield Public Library's 2023 One Book One Town (OBOT) selection. That's the library I work at. I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye is an honest, emotional, truthful account of one man's journey through grief from the death of his son to suicide. I loved the book and left with many thoughts. But one keeps coming back to me: no matter who we are, no matter how different we are from each other, we all share grief. And to have open, honest conversations about grief and death are so important for our personal mental health, and the health of our society. So proud our library committee selected this book and excited to see Ivan speak in person on March 28, 2023 at Fairfield University's Quick Center.
Watch Ivan recorded live on March 28, 2023 for our OBOT author event.
https://youtu.be/Bml0G4637XM
Watch Ivan recorded live on March 28, 2023 for our OBOT author event.
https://youtu.be/Bml0G4637XM
September 7, 2021
This book took me on a journey that I did not expect. It was visceral and immediate. I find the story deeply moving, tender and raw at the same time. More than that, it is something that any reader can relate to. This is an odd statement since is the story of the author's account of his mentally ill's son death by suicide, and the journey back from grief.
Reading it was much like having a band aid ripped off to expose my own experiences. This book provides a truly safe space for the reader to open a Pandora’s Box of their own grief, while following the path of the author's healing. The relationships bring hope as we are walked though choices on how best to communicate to others in the midst of tragedy, be gentle with one another and celebrate the author's son Max in big and small ways. Do not miss this book.
Reading it was much like having a band aid ripped off to expose my own experiences. This book provides a truly safe space for the reader to open a Pandora’s Box of their own grief, while following the path of the author's healing. The relationships bring hope as we are walked though choices on how best to communicate to others in the midst of tragedy, be gentle with one another and celebrate the author's son Max in big and small ways. Do not miss this book.
September 19, 2021
I was able to read an early copy of this book and highly recommend it. Maisel takes readers on his personal journey through the grief of losing his son. Maisel is highly aware that grief hits everyone differently, including the members of his family. As a writer by trade his way of dealing with the grief is to write about it. His prose is at times heart wrenching but throughout the book very relatable to those who have faced a major loss in their life. Maisel speaks candidly of the way that life continues to move forward for the living while his deceased son will forever remain 21 years old. He explores the hurt that comes with knowing his son will never grow and develop into adulthood.
July 5, 2021
Poignant and compelling! Maisel lays bare his personal devastation on the suicide of his son, Max. He shares his reflections on his struggle to cope and offers hope and insight to those who’ve had similar experiences. I found this book to be brutally honest but was intrigued that he came to understand that grief is an expression of love. It is an engaging read and a learning experience to anyone that has experienced loss.
November 3, 2021
The loss of a child
There are no words to describe the loss of a child. My son died from excessive alcohol abuse and depression. I have felt all along he struggled with a “pain” that he could never share with me. He is now free from that pain just as Max is free.
The love that we have for our children is shared in this book. It helps to know the pain is normal that I feel after losing Zach just 6 months ago.
Very helpful in understanding that we all grieve differently.
There are no words to describe the loss of a child. My son died from excessive alcohol abuse and depression. I have felt all along he struggled with a “pain” that he could never share with me. He is now free from that pain just as Max is free.
The love that we have for our children is shared in this book. It helps to know the pain is normal that I feel after losing Zach just 6 months ago.
Very helpful in understanding that we all grieve differently.
Read
August 30, 2023I wouldn't have thought to pick up a suicide grief memoir from the perspective of a father and sports writer, if the book jacket hadn't described a loss so eerily identical to my own. I had to put the book down for weeks at time in order to stay afloat...four years later, I burn down the days to fend off memory's presence, just like incense.
I'm grateful to have found it. I'm sending it home for my dad to read.
I'm grateful to have found it. I'm sending it home for my dad to read.
January 1, 2022
Mr. Maisel's story is not my story but, at the same time, it is my story. The emotions he describes are what I have felt in the 28 months since I lost my son. The ups, the downs, the missing plate at all celebrations, the hole in my heart. We have both had the worst thing that can ever happen to a person happen to us. We have both risen from the embers and are standing.
The author's writing brought me into the moment and I could feel it all. I found myself crying and laughing, occasionally at the same time. I highly recommend this book to anyone that is at least a year out from losing their child. In my opinion, it would be too hard to read any earlier. To anyone that wants to know more about what their family member or friend has/is going through, please read this book. It will give you insight into their "new normal."
Thank you, Mr. Maisel, for putting yourself out there and expressing what we, in this club we never wanted to join, are feeling.
The author's writing brought me into the moment and I could feel it all. I found myself crying and laughing, occasionally at the same time. I highly recommend this book to anyone that is at least a year out from losing their child. In my opinion, it would be too hard to read any earlier. To anyone that wants to know more about what their family member or friend has/is going through, please read this book. It will give you insight into their "new normal."
Thank you, Mr. Maisel, for putting yourself out there and expressing what we, in this club we never wanted to join, are feeling.
December 10, 2021
To say this was a wonderful read would be an untruth; to lose a child or a spouse to any death, let alone suicide, is enough to tear one's life asunder!
Max's Dad has been able to figure out his grief over the past 6 or so years since his son's death. It has not come easily; but he and his family persisted, each in their own way, to come to some kind of terms with the loss of a son and brother.
As terribly sad as this short book is, I would recommend it; if only to make one consider their life's gifts; if only to make one stop and give thanks.....or not.
It is poignant; it is sad but written with such grace and honesty.
Max's Dad has been able to figure out his grief over the past 6 or so years since his son's death. It has not come easily; but he and his family persisted, each in their own way, to come to some kind of terms with the loss of a son and brother.
As terribly sad as this short book is, I would recommend it; if only to make one consider their life's gifts; if only to make one stop and give thanks.....or not.
It is poignant; it is sad but written with such grace and honesty.
February 17, 2025
“All grief is personal, and all grief is as individual as the person doing the grieving. Love is personal, too, and there is certainly no shortage of writing about love. As I wrote, I began to understand that grief, if you get past the awkward social construct that American culture has with death, is the purest expression of love for someone who is no longer here to express it back. We mourn the deepest for those whom we love the most. We view grief warily, as an alien force that invades us when we are at our most vulnerable. I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t suffer greatly when Max died. I’m not going to tell you that I didn’t ache, that I no longer feel a void. But as I learned how to go on with my life, as I wrestled with and tried to make sense of my pain, I began to see the direct correlation between the love I had for the son I lost and the depth of my pain—my grief. Grief is love.”
“I had to learn that grief can be painful. I had to learn that in its early stages it is unrelenting. I had to learn that grief is permanent. I had to learn that accepting it helps but doesn’t make it disappear.”
“We must learn to coexist with loss. Softening the language doesn’t change that task.”
“If we made a choice, it was to continue to exist, to live our lives, to breathe. There were days when that took courage.”
“Carrying that bag of cement every day exhausted me. But I began to understand that the pain wouldn’t be acute every day. I began to see that when the pain grew acute, the next day, or maybe the day after that, wouldn’t be as bad. I just had to lean into the pain, accept it, and wait for it to recede.”
“When you grieve, you try to make sense of the loss. You search for meaning. You lunge for whatever song, poem, folktale, parable, totem, memory will sustain you as you trudge forward carrying your bag of cement.”
“I had to learn that grief can be painful. I had to learn that in its early stages it is unrelenting. I had to learn that grief is permanent. I had to learn that accepting it helps but doesn’t make it disappear.”
“We must learn to coexist with loss. Softening the language doesn’t change that task.”
“If we made a choice, it was to continue to exist, to live our lives, to breathe. There were days when that took courage.”
“Carrying that bag of cement every day exhausted me. But I began to understand that the pain wouldn’t be acute every day. I began to see that when the pain grew acute, the next day, or maybe the day after that, wouldn’t be as bad. I just had to lean into the pain, accept it, and wait for it to recede.”
“When you grieve, you try to make sense of the loss. You search for meaning. You lunge for whatever song, poem, folktale, parable, totem, memory will sustain you as you trudge forward carrying your bag of cement.”
April 4, 2023
Beautifully written memoir. Deeply moving
July 28, 2024
What a heartbreaking story, incredible view on grief and reflection on raising a child. Heavy read, but would definitely recommend.
November 3, 2021
Touching story about handling the grief associated with losing a child.
October 31, 2021
I've read two books now in 2021 by people I know from my sportswriting days about the loss of children way too young (one a son, one a grandson) and, well, wow. Glad I bought a fresh box of tissues today. I love my two children more than I can properly express and I don't know that I'd have the strength to do what Ivan has done here.
November 10, 2021
I decided to read this book to help understand how I can be a source of encouragement to anyone who may have lost a loved one to suicide. It was well worth the read, and will be a resource for me as a military spouse, neighbor, friend, daughter, minister’s wife, and mom. Maisel has shed a bright, honest light into a space that many people are afraid to look.
October 25, 2021
With complete honesty, Ivan Maisel is a gentle tour guide through his terrible pain and reckoning with the suicide of his son, Max. The author exposes his insides, telling us the story of Max, who should not be defined by his final act and instead by story of his life. Maisel buffers us with humor as well as sports and historical references as he gives us a window into his self-discovery as he grieves. The love and humanity found in this book will help many people suffering from loss.
February 25, 2022
Why as a society do we not talk about grief and loss more? I think because there are no words. Every single person will suffer the death of someone close to them- why do we not know more how this will be? One is not prepared, it's frustrating how clueless you feel, when everyone deals with this. You can not possibly grasp what you are in for until it happens to you. This book is a very personal journey, trying to convey how life goes on after a death.
This book is raw. Ivan and his family has suffered a tremendous loss, and this book conveys very well the intensity of grief and the non-linear fashion the process of dealing with grief follows. I won't say "healing", because those who have been through it knows there is no healing. Only accepting, continuing. I do not recommend this book for anyone who suffered a loss recently, there are many things you won't "get" or just have not gotten there yet. This book is good for someone after time, maybe two years or more. Reading it there is a lot of head nodding, heart clenching, tears, and agreement. I congratulate the Maisel family on their approach to dealing with grief, the sensitive topic of mental illness and suicide, and their support of each other and keeping their family together through the worst of times.
I would say it is a good book on grief and understanding. However, this book is about loss after suicide. As the parent of two teenagers, this part of it was very hard and very scary to read. This book may be of help to those who have lost others to suicide, but also not helpful to those in close contact of someone struggling. The book is so honest and open, it keeps you up at night.
I can not give this book 5 stars, because obviously, it is not a book you enjoy. As Ivan says over and over, each person's grief is individual. But as someone who has been there and needs to talk things through, he does a fantastic job of putting into words the giant pile of mashed potatoes that one turns into after a close loss- both immediate and long term.
This book is raw. Ivan and his family has suffered a tremendous loss, and this book conveys very well the intensity of grief and the non-linear fashion the process of dealing with grief follows. I won't say "healing", because those who have been through it knows there is no healing. Only accepting, continuing. I do not recommend this book for anyone who suffered a loss recently, there are many things you won't "get" or just have not gotten there yet. This book is good for someone after time, maybe two years or more. Reading it there is a lot of head nodding, heart clenching, tears, and agreement. I congratulate the Maisel family on their approach to dealing with grief, the sensitive topic of mental illness and suicide, and their support of each other and keeping their family together through the worst of times.
I would say it is a good book on grief and understanding. However, this book is about loss after suicide. As the parent of two teenagers, this part of it was very hard and very scary to read. This book may be of help to those who have lost others to suicide, but also not helpful to those in close contact of someone struggling. The book is so honest and open, it keeps you up at night.
I can not give this book 5 stars, because obviously, it is not a book you enjoy. As Ivan says over and over, each person's grief is individual. But as someone who has been there and needs to talk things through, he does a fantastic job of putting into words the giant pile of mashed potatoes that one turns into after a close loss- both immediate and long term.
Read
January 3, 2022I find memoirs about grief impossible to rate. This book is written by a ESPN Sports writer about the loss of his 21 year old son to suicide.
January 12, 2023
This was a very difficult book to pick up given its subject. I'm really happy I did, however, and I've already sent copies to friends and family who have lost a loved one and are trying to get through their grief. This honest and soul-searching book makes it clear that grief is an extension of love and that everyone needs to process it their own way while also destigmatizing mental illness.
May 29, 2022
I really wanted to like this book and find common ground, support or direction maybe? I got that in pieces, but felt overall I was kind of bored. It kind of read as a journal, and maybe that was the intent, or ok by the author, but it was not a page-turner or all that interesting for me.
December 7, 2021
Beautiful, moving memoir.
March 28, 2023
One of the most beautiful and poignant books I have read about grief. It's also a beautiful tribute to a son who found that life on this earth was just too much to bear. A stunning read.
February 10, 2022
I wanted to like this book and I'm so hesitant to judge a book about grief, something so personal. I'll just say the writing was really hard to read and the content jumped all over the place.
December 21, 2021
Father’s heartbreaking account of his son’s suicide in college.
-By not being secretive, we didn’t act as if Max’s death deserved secrecy.
-We have 2 girls, 24 & 29. Our son died 6 years ago. He was a junior in college. He went into a spiral, and we didn’t know it, and he ended his life.
-When I walked into the memorial service, I did not know Max at all. When I walked out, I did, and I missed him and I loved him. I’m deeply sad that that’s the way I had to meet Max, but I’m grateful to know him. How you made that happen is l extraordinary.
-The memorial service was the most beautiful sad affair.
-there are a few things that I want to share with you. Let me tell you about the max I know. The max I know is funny. He has a well developed sense of humor. He can quote good comedy. He gets wordplay. He gets slapstick. Anyone who can make people laugh will go a long way in life. You can make people laugh.
The max I know is smart. Sure, sometimes you get flustered in exams and make mistakes. That doesn’t mean you’re not a good student. That means you’re human. You’re doing well in school and if you’re struggling in any subject, all you have to do is ask for help. The most important thing to remember is that you’re curious and you want to learn. Those traits will take you far in life too.
The Max I know is kind. You’re nice to people. You’re respectful to me and mom. Kindness is very important to both of us. The world needs all the kindness it can get its hands on.
The max I know is sensitive. That’s OK. You come by it naturally. Your mother and I are both sensitive people. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t. When I was your age I was embarrassed by it. I used to cry as a teenager and I couldn’t control it, and I couldn’t stop it, and I just wanted to disappear. I couldn’t understand why I dissolved like that. There are times now, as an adult, that I get choked up. Sometimes they are good. Sometimes it’s embarrassing. So you are not alone. The point I’m making Max is that I believe in you. I am really really proud that you are my son. You are going to do great things in life. I like the person you are becoming. I like spending time with you. Mom and I will do everything we can to help you. I understand your trepidation about high school. High school sucks in a lot of ways. There’s no getting around it. But you have to go to grow your brain and make your way in life. You don’t have to go to Ward. You have to go to the best place we can find for you. If that’s Ward, OK. If not, that’s OK too. We will work on it together, the three of us, and figure out the best solution. In the meantime, keep working hard. Keeping the funny, smart, kind, sensitive young man you are. Someday, you’ll feel comfortable enough to let your guard down. It will happen. Trust us. More important, trust yourself.
-I have experienced one of the worst events and a human being can endure, and I am still standing.
-I am in awe of how you are doing, handling this crushing life blow. We will all continue to deal with this the rest of our lives. But I feel like we have tried to look this squarely in the eye, acknowledging the pain, being patient with each other’s grief, giving each other the space as it reverberates in our individual and family lives. I gave your dad a lot of credit for this. He has been open and realistic in facing max’s death and the fall out. You know only what type of dad you have. I’m here to say, you’re lucky. You have a great dad. This is a lifelong journey, and I obviously am devastated that it’s your journey. The path isn’t linear. You have zigs, zags, highs, lows. Know that we don’t expect you to be all better, grief box checked, life back on track. But give yourself credit. You get up every day and face the day. And that’s really something. We love you deeply, unconditionally, through whatever and wherever your life takes you. We don’t expect you to be anywhere but where you are.
-By not being secretive, we didn’t act as if Max’s death deserved secrecy.
-We have 2 girls, 24 & 29. Our son died 6 years ago. He was a junior in college. He went into a spiral, and we didn’t know it, and he ended his life.
-When I walked into the memorial service, I did not know Max at all. When I walked out, I did, and I missed him and I loved him. I’m deeply sad that that’s the way I had to meet Max, but I’m grateful to know him. How you made that happen is l extraordinary.
-The memorial service was the most beautiful sad affair.
-there are a few things that I want to share with you. Let me tell you about the max I know. The max I know is funny. He has a well developed sense of humor. He can quote good comedy. He gets wordplay. He gets slapstick. Anyone who can make people laugh will go a long way in life. You can make people laugh.
The max I know is smart. Sure, sometimes you get flustered in exams and make mistakes. That doesn’t mean you’re not a good student. That means you’re human. You’re doing well in school and if you’re struggling in any subject, all you have to do is ask for help. The most important thing to remember is that you’re curious and you want to learn. Those traits will take you far in life too.
The Max I know is kind. You’re nice to people. You’re respectful to me and mom. Kindness is very important to both of us. The world needs all the kindness it can get its hands on.
The max I know is sensitive. That’s OK. You come by it naturally. Your mother and I are both sensitive people. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t. When I was your age I was embarrassed by it. I used to cry as a teenager and I couldn’t control it, and I couldn’t stop it, and I just wanted to disappear. I couldn’t understand why I dissolved like that. There are times now, as an adult, that I get choked up. Sometimes they are good. Sometimes it’s embarrassing. So you are not alone. The point I’m making Max is that I believe in you. I am really really proud that you are my son. You are going to do great things in life. I like the person you are becoming. I like spending time with you. Mom and I will do everything we can to help you. I understand your trepidation about high school. High school sucks in a lot of ways. There’s no getting around it. But you have to go to grow your brain and make your way in life. You don’t have to go to Ward. You have to go to the best place we can find for you. If that’s Ward, OK. If not, that’s OK too. We will work on it together, the three of us, and figure out the best solution. In the meantime, keep working hard. Keeping the funny, smart, kind, sensitive young man you are. Someday, you’ll feel comfortable enough to let your guard down. It will happen. Trust us. More important, trust yourself.
-I have experienced one of the worst events and a human being can endure, and I am still standing.
-I am in awe of how you are doing, handling this crushing life blow. We will all continue to deal with this the rest of our lives. But I feel like we have tried to look this squarely in the eye, acknowledging the pain, being patient with each other’s grief, giving each other the space as it reverberates in our individual and family lives. I gave your dad a lot of credit for this. He has been open and realistic in facing max’s death and the fall out. You know only what type of dad you have. I’m here to say, you’re lucky. You have a great dad. This is a lifelong journey, and I obviously am devastated that it’s your journey. The path isn’t linear. You have zigs, zags, highs, lows. Know that we don’t expect you to be all better, grief box checked, life back on track. But give yourself credit. You get up every day and face the day. And that’s really something. We love you deeply, unconditionally, through whatever and wherever your life takes you. We don’t expect you to be anywhere but where you are.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 17, 2022
I've wanted to read this book since the day I heard it was being written. Like Ivan, I'm a sportswriter and have experienced loss myself. Having grown up reading his work, I knew it would be beautifully written. I had to laugh at the paragraph where he measured time by football seasons, as this is something I do as well. It's just in a sportswriter's nature.
Alternating between tears and laughs, I found myself earmarking certain passages.
"Even as the anniversary of Max's death has stirred painful memories, it has provided one small comfort. Only by looking backward can we see that our scars have begun to fade."
And: "There isn't much courage in talking about how you get through the day. All of us get through the day. It's just some of us have to work harder to do it. That's the point I am trying to make."
I found myself saying that I would get to a stopping point and save the rest for later, but I just kept going. It's highly relatable to anyone has experienced a loss, but also just about the ups and downs of life itself. I found myself rooting for the little successes throughout the book, angry at the hurt a child experienced years ago, and feeling as if I knew Max a little bit by the end.
It might make you cry, but it's a beautiful journey worth the read.
Alternating between tears and laughs, I found myself earmarking certain passages.
"Even as the anniversary of Max's death has stirred painful memories, it has provided one small comfort. Only by looking backward can we see that our scars have begun to fade."
And: "There isn't much courage in talking about how you get through the day. All of us get through the day. It's just some of us have to work harder to do it. That's the point I am trying to make."
I found myself saying that I would get to a stopping point and save the rest for later, but I just kept going. It's highly relatable to anyone has experienced a loss, but also just about the ups and downs of life itself. I found myself rooting for the little successes throughout the book, angry at the hurt a child experienced years ago, and feeling as if I knew Max a little bit by the end.
It might make you cry, but it's a beautiful journey worth the read.
May 28, 2024
This book is a very good book about grief. Losing a child is so very hard and only those that go through it can understand. Max was a quiet young man that had very few friends and was not very social. His parents and siblings thought that he was doing well. He was enrolled in college and liked taking photos. Little did they know about what was going on in his head. He appeared to be okay; according to what they saw of him. He seemed to be withdrawing into himself. He was seeing a therapist. Grief is something different for everyone and it is handled differently by each person. We know as survivors that we have to continue on with our lives. But knowing it and doing it is two different things. Everyone grieves at a different pace. Ivan was able to move on by writing a book, speaking at presentations and also talking to another couple that lost their son at a young age. No one wants to walk this path, but we all do someday. Remember to appreciate and love the ones you have around you. This book will help you process your journey and let you know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I love the ideas and thoughts that went into this book.
January 28, 2023
I picked this book up for Fairfield’s One Book, One Town program. I didn’t expect the book to be authored by a town resident. I didn’t expect it to grasp me the way that it did.
The book is about a grief that much of us are lucky to never experience-the unfathomable loss of a child to suicide. Ivan Maisel’s ability to go inward, to lay all of his regrets on the line, to show the reader that he knows he was flawed and fallible as a parent, to point out all of those crystal-clear hindsight moments is quite stunning.
Though most are fortunate not to truly understand what that type of grief and regret are like, much of us do know grief on some level. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one or a loss of what you thought life would be, Maisel’s writing is like a nice, warm dad hug, reminding you: you’re not alone.
Maybe that didn’t happen for Max in that quick spiral toward too-defining moment in his short life. But I hope the author can find solace in knowing that he is gifting that to everyone who reads his book.
The book is about a grief that much of us are lucky to never experience-the unfathomable loss of a child to suicide. Ivan Maisel’s ability to go inward, to lay all of his regrets on the line, to show the reader that he knows he was flawed and fallible as a parent, to point out all of those crystal-clear hindsight moments is quite stunning.
Though most are fortunate not to truly understand what that type of grief and regret are like, much of us do know grief on some level. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one or a loss of what you thought life would be, Maisel’s writing is like a nice, warm dad hug, reminding you: you’re not alone.
Maybe that didn’t happen for Max in that quick spiral toward too-defining moment in his short life. But I hope the author can find solace in knowing that he is gifting that to everyone who reads his book.
March 23, 2024
Ivan Maisel was a Reporter for ESPN for over 20 years. His son Max died by suicide, walking into Lake Ontario one frigid day in February. He was
21 years old.
Max probably had some form of autism but it was never diagnosed. He was private, loved photography and video games, but kept his cards close to his chest. This book is a story in part about Max, but mostly about Ivan’s grief journey after he died.
I had two big takeaways- 1. Ivan repeats the phrase “grief is love” and that struck me in a big way. 2. The Maisel family never shied away from the truth or tried to hide the darker parts of Max after his passing. They were upfront about his challenges and his death by suicide which to me was both honoring and authentic.
Because the book was mostly Ivan’s grief journey it didn’t compel me the way a story of someone’s life would. It was well written and would be impactful for someone experiencing recent loss or death by suicide. For me, I found myself skimming sections, ready to be done.
21 years old.
Max probably had some form of autism but it was never diagnosed. He was private, loved photography and video games, but kept his cards close to his chest. This book is a story in part about Max, but mostly about Ivan’s grief journey after he died.
I had two big takeaways- 1. Ivan repeats the phrase “grief is love” and that struck me in a big way. 2. The Maisel family never shied away from the truth or tried to hide the darker parts of Max after his passing. They were upfront about his challenges and his death by suicide which to me was both honoring and authentic.
Because the book was mostly Ivan’s grief journey it didn’t compel me the way a story of someone’s life would. It was well written and would be impactful for someone experiencing recent loss or death by suicide. For me, I found myself skimming sections, ready to be done.
November 13, 2021
An honest and thoughtful exploration of love and loss, Maisel balances themes and messages that are seemingly difficult to reconcile to create a work that is easily readable despite its emotional punch. It encourages reflection for readers confronting grief from any angle without admonishing or preaching and delves into the author's own personal journey in a way that never feels self-indulgent. The tone of chapters, pages, and even sentences turns on a dime - mirroring the whipsaw nature of grief - though the story unfolds in a clear and linear (if perhaps unfinished) way. What emerges is story that is both immensely personal and objective, hopeful and unflinchingly sad.
At times it's also downright funny - as the author perfectly captures the wit and comedic timing of his son Max. Beyond its timely messages about love and grief, the book serves as a portrait of a young man who was much more than his final act.
At times it's also downright funny - as the author perfectly captures the wit and comedic timing of his son Max. Beyond its timely messages about love and grief, the book serves as a portrait of a young man who was much more than his final act.
November 30, 2021
This is a beautiful and tender book by Ivan Maisel, a former Sports Illustrated and ESPN writer about the death of his son, Max, by suicide at the age of 21. In the opening page of one chapter, Maisel talks about a note he received from a friend that says, "Losing a child eclipses all of life's tragedies." That sums up the depth of this loss and its accompanying wisdom. With humor, grace and moments of joy, Maisel describes how the loss affected him: "In the wake of the death of my son, I understand how the idea that we have control over our lives is a story we tell ourselves to get through the day. To put a finer point on it, there is so much of our lives that we don't control." That's how I feel about life too, but what I love the most about this book is the author's main point: Grief is love. When we love someone deeply, we grieve the loss of them deeply too. More than anything, this book is a love letter to the author's son.
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