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When I See Blue
New town, new school, but the bully is in Ben's head ...
There are 4 things you should know about Ben:
1. He's 12 years old
2. He's the new kid at school
3. His special number is 4
4. He has a bully in his brain
Sometimes Ben's brain makes him count to 4 to prevent bad things happening. Sometimes it makes him tap or blink in 4s. Mostly it makes the smallest things feel impossible. And with a new school, a moody big brother, an absent dad and a mum battling her own demons, Ben feels more out of control than ever. But then he meets April, and with his new friend, Ben might finally figure out how to stand up to the bully in his brain, once and for all.
An authentic and affecting #ownvoices story about living life with OCD, from the inspiring author and mental health activist, Lily Bailey. Perfect for readers of A Kind of Spark and The Goldfish Boy.
There are 4 things you should know about Ben:
1. He's 12 years old
2. He's the new kid at school
3. His special number is 4
4. He has a bully in his brain
Sometimes Ben's brain makes him count to 4 to prevent bad things happening. Sometimes it makes him tap or blink in 4s. Mostly it makes the smallest things feel impossible. And with a new school, a moody big brother, an absent dad and a mum battling her own demons, Ben feels more out of control than ever. But then he meets April, and with his new friend, Ben might finally figure out how to stand up to the bully in his brain, once and for all.
An authentic and affecting #ownvoices story about living life with OCD, from the inspiring author and mental health activist, Lily Bailey. Perfect for readers of A Kind of Spark and The Goldfish Boy.
352 pages, Paperback
First published June 9, 2022
25 people are currently reading
574 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 92 reviews
June 7, 2022
'When I see Blue' is a true godsend for middle grade fiction.
As someone who suffered from moderate OCD throughout my childhood, this is the book I wish I had had. I spent so many hours convinced I was 'crazy', or a bad person, and this book would have been so helpful in being able to understand myself and my illness. Like Ben, my parents often assumed these traits were just quirks and something I would grow out of, with no real idea of the inner turmoil behind these compulsions.
There are so few examples of good OCD representation in children's fiction, and this book is such a breath of fresh air. I loved the focus on numbers, and wishful thinking, rather than the stereotypical germaphobia we usually see. Overwhelmingly, though, what stood out to me was the use of actual diagnostic criteria and terminology. I cannot even properly express how helpful this will be for younger children unknowingly suffering. I know how helpful it would have been for me to see this side of myself not only represented, but not shied away from or brushed away. Although Ben himself is embarrassed by his compulsions, the helpful ways his therapist explains everything, is beautiful. OCD is never presented as anything other than OCD. There are no blurred lines, or vague mentions. OCD is OCD. And that is just so great to see.
As much as I wish I'd had this book growing up (and I truly do--so many scenes just made me weep for ten year old me, and all the other young children with OCD, who have no real understanding of their mental illness), I'm so so grateful it exists for children today. I truly think this book will make a difference. And I cannot thank Lily Bailey enough for writing this.
Thank you so so much to the publishers, for sending me this beautiful proof copy.
As someone who suffered from moderate OCD throughout my childhood, this is the book I wish I had had. I spent so many hours convinced I was 'crazy', or a bad person, and this book would have been so helpful in being able to understand myself and my illness. Like Ben, my parents often assumed these traits were just quirks and something I would grow out of, with no real idea of the inner turmoil behind these compulsions.
There are so few examples of good OCD representation in children's fiction, and this book is such a breath of fresh air. I loved the focus on numbers, and wishful thinking, rather than the stereotypical germaphobia we usually see. Overwhelmingly, though, what stood out to me was the use of actual diagnostic criteria and terminology. I cannot even properly express how helpful this will be for younger children unknowingly suffering. I know how helpful it would have been for me to see this side of myself not only represented, but not shied away from or brushed away. Although Ben himself is embarrassed by his compulsions, the helpful ways his therapist explains everything, is beautiful. OCD is never presented as anything other than OCD. There are no blurred lines, or vague mentions. OCD is OCD. And that is just so great to see.
As much as I wish I'd had this book growing up (and I truly do--so many scenes just made me weep for ten year old me, and all the other young children with OCD, who have no real understanding of their mental illness), I'm so so grateful it exists for children today. I truly think this book will make a difference. And I cannot thank Lily Bailey enough for writing this.
Thank you so so much to the publishers, for sending me this beautiful proof copy.
January 17, 2024
Beautifully and sensitively written. It was an honour to meet Ben, and I hope this book is opened and absorbed by, well, pretty much everyone but especially people who work with kids. Thank you for telling the story.
July 17, 2022
This book feels very authentic and moving (as an adult with diagnosed OCD).
The story follows Ben as he tries to deal with the 'bully' in his head, always telling him he can't do things, or that he has to do them again and again and again...
But that isn't all of what Ben is dealing with. His mum is struggling with an alcohol addiction and his dad and brother are constantly AWOL, leaving Ben feeling responsible for everyone and everything but ill-equipped to deal with those heavy feelings.
Until he meets April and discovers that not only can someone care about how he feels and want to be friends with him exactly as he is, but maybe the whole world isn't on his shoulders and maybe he isn't the only one facing daily battles.
Along with the addiction and mental health issues, the story also deals with bullying and ostracism in school, and touches on the benefits of therapy and communication in dealing with all of the above.
While the content and issues would be suitable for my 9 yr old daughter and useful to her in some ways, I felt the overall absence of parental support in the book would be too stressful for her (she struggles with anxiety), so while I wold definitely want her to read this story, I will probably wait until she is a little older.
I do feel it is an ideal book as a school or SEND resource for children/adults struggling with OCD or family addiction issues, and also that it is an entertaining, believable and emotional story for adults and older children alike.
The story follows Ben as he tries to deal with the 'bully' in his head, always telling him he can't do things, or that he has to do them again and again and again...
But that isn't all of what Ben is dealing with. His mum is struggling with an alcohol addiction and his dad and brother are constantly AWOL, leaving Ben feeling responsible for everyone and everything but ill-equipped to deal with those heavy feelings.
Until he meets April and discovers that not only can someone care about how he feels and want to be friends with him exactly as he is, but maybe the whole world isn't on his shoulders and maybe he isn't the only one facing daily battles.
Along with the addiction and mental health issues, the story also deals with bullying and ostracism in school, and touches on the benefits of therapy and communication in dealing with all of the above.
While the content and issues would be suitable for my 9 yr old daughter and useful to her in some ways, I felt the overall absence of parental support in the book would be too stressful for her (she struggles with anxiety), so while I wold definitely want her to read this story, I will probably wait until she is a little older.
I do feel it is an ideal book as a school or SEND resource for children/adults struggling with OCD or family addiction issues, and also that it is an entertaining, believable and emotional story for adults and older children alike.
April 4, 2022
Exhausting to watch Ben fight the bullies in his brain.
Lots of other issues included here. But all resolved thank goodness.
Lots of other issues included here. But all resolved thank goodness.
May 8, 2025
Na to že jsem to četla anglicky, tak mi to ani nevadilo, nepřišlo mi to divný. Ten nápad mi přijde skvělý, celkově je to good. Nikdy jsem nečetla podobnou knížku. Je i druhý díl, myslím že je to z pohledu druhé hlavní postavy, určitě si to chci přečíst. A ten konec? To jsem fakt nečekala.
September 23, 2022
I loved this book so much! It was so raw and honest and sad and wholesome. It was amazing to read the fictional mind of a 12 year old boy with OCD. I could not recommend this book more
March 21, 2024
For anyone who has a young person in their life who has OCD it is a brilliant read and for siblings too.
December 6, 2021
Thank you Netgalley for this early review book in return for an honest review
Now we still have a wait for this book as it doesn’t come out till June! But boy are you in for a treat.
This book focuses on a boy, Ben, who has just moved schools and is also dealing with OCD and an unsettled home life. He is in year 8 and loves Doctor Who and struggles to fit in with others. That is until April, a girl who has bright red hair and loves to draw, sits next to him and adopts him as her friend.
I really loved this book! First of Doctor Who! I know it’s not the main point of the book, but as a whovian it made this book so much fun for me on a personal level and I could fan girl whilst reading.
Second this book tackles a really important and tough topic that is often not talked about, misunderstood and often joked about. This book talks about the reality of living with OCD, how it effects a child’s daily life and their relationships with friends and family. Instead of just seeing the physical OCD reaction, it talks about what is actually causing it, the intrusive thoughts and stress and panic that people who have OCD have to go through. It does a good job of tackling a few other difficult topics too and how these can affect our main character too.
A well written, enjoyable and at time, sad story that is emotional and heart warming too. I loved the doctor who references and the way the character uses the doctor to be brave. An insightful and informative look at a topic that is vastly misunderstood.
Only thing I didn’t completely understand was the school system, is it a private school? The times the school end were quite late and the same teacher teaching multiple subjects is not what I’m familiar with in secondary schools. Either way it didn’t completely take away from the story but did have me questioning a bit more about the story.
Now we still have a wait for this book as it doesn’t come out till June! But boy are you in for a treat.
This book focuses on a boy, Ben, who has just moved schools and is also dealing with OCD and an unsettled home life. He is in year 8 and loves Doctor Who and struggles to fit in with others. That is until April, a girl who has bright red hair and loves to draw, sits next to him and adopts him as her friend.
I really loved this book! First of Doctor Who! I know it’s not the main point of the book, but as a whovian it made this book so much fun for me on a personal level and I could fan girl whilst reading.
Second this book tackles a really important and tough topic that is often not talked about, misunderstood and often joked about. This book talks about the reality of living with OCD, how it effects a child’s daily life and their relationships with friends and family. Instead of just seeing the physical OCD reaction, it talks about what is actually causing it, the intrusive thoughts and stress and panic that people who have OCD have to go through. It does a good job of tackling a few other difficult topics too and how these can affect our main character too.
A well written, enjoyable and at time, sad story that is emotional and heart warming too. I loved the doctor who references and the way the character uses the doctor to be brave. An insightful and informative look at a topic that is vastly misunderstood.
Only thing I didn’t completely understand was the school system, is it a private school? The times the school end were quite late and the same teacher teaching multiple subjects is not what I’m familiar with in secondary schools. Either way it didn’t completely take away from the story but did have me questioning a bit more about the story.
July 21, 2022
i've barely read any books with accurate OCD representation and i don't think i've ever seen OCD in a children's book. the way OCD is presented in this book felt so real. i can imagine how relieving it might be for any young person struggling with OCD to read a book like this, and i certainly wish i had had this book when i was younger.
i basically read this book for the 12-year-old me who was, just like the main character ben, not very good at making friends, super into doctor who and, most importantly, suffering with OCD without knowing that it had a name.
i'm so happy to see that themes like mental health are appearing in children's and middle grade books more these days. i would have loved more representation like this when i was a kid. feeling seen and represented means the world to everyone, and especially young people whose struggles with mental health might often go unseen or misunderstood.
i basically read this book for the 12-year-old me who was, just like the main character ben, not very good at making friends, super into doctor who and, most importantly, suffering with OCD without knowing that it had a name.
i'm so happy to see that themes like mental health are appearing in children's and middle grade books more these days. i would have loved more representation like this when i was a kid. feeling seen and represented means the world to everyone, and especially young people whose struggles with mental health might often go unseen or misunderstood.
July 31, 2024
a really sweet middle grade book following a tween boy with magical thinking ocd through diagnosis and treatment, as well as making friends and coming into his own. this really beautifully shows the move towards values-led living that ocd recovery aspires to and it was very lovely. this comprehensively and clearly explains the basics of erp therapy through the narrative, which is very valuable not only for any middle grade readers but even older readers looking to build an understanding. there are also powerful discussions about bullying and difficult family life to be had from this book. the only downside was one section where the mc and another character basically invent the ancient aliens conspiracy theory (very debunked and also racist) as part of a school project, which is a bit funny when you put it like that. otherwise it's a really lovely book and an amazing intro to one flavour of ocd for tweens, in the realm of a kind of spark for autism.
July 23, 2022
I really enjoyed Lily Bailey’s memoir Because We Are Bad, and was intrigued to learn that Lily had written a fictional children’s book.
When I see Blue is as tender and heartfelt as it gets. My nephew struggles in some of the ways Ben does and for me, it was an enlightening read, giving me the opportunity to live my life through his eyes. As an adult, the threads of the story unfolding about Ben and the fight against the bully in his brain also resonated. After all, most of us suffer from moments of negative self-talk, anxiety, worry and that constant inner critic in our everyday lives.
When I See Blue is a sensitive, nuanced must-read for any child or adult struggling with OCD and anxiety.
If you enjoyed Space Hopper and Lenny’s Book Of Everything When I See Blue should be your next read.
When I see Blue is as tender and heartfelt as it gets. My nephew struggles in some of the ways Ben does and for me, it was an enlightening read, giving me the opportunity to live my life through his eyes. As an adult, the threads of the story unfolding about Ben and the fight against the bully in his brain also resonated. After all, most of us suffer from moments of negative self-talk, anxiety, worry and that constant inner critic in our everyday lives.
When I See Blue is a sensitive, nuanced must-read for any child or adult struggling with OCD and anxiety.
If you enjoyed Space Hopper and Lenny’s Book Of Everything When I See Blue should be your next read.
December 22, 2021
Thank you to Netgalley for the advance copy in exchange for an honest review.
Much is being done about diversifying school libraries and this book needs to be on every school library shelf. An 'own voices' account of OCD.
Ben is in Y8 - new school, new city. As if this weren't complicated enough, things at home start to unravel. It offers an unflinchingly honest view of OCD - allowing us in to Ben's thoughts and actions. It is clearly well researched and seeking to address the many, many misunderstandings around OCD and it presents a full and vivid picture without crossing into non-fiction or preaching.
Ben's character is well fleshed out - as are his family and his best friend, April.
I will be adding this to our school library the day it comes out!
Much is being done about diversifying school libraries and this book needs to be on every school library shelf. An 'own voices' account of OCD.
Ben is in Y8 - new school, new city. As if this weren't complicated enough, things at home start to unravel. It offers an unflinchingly honest view of OCD - allowing us in to Ben's thoughts and actions. It is clearly well researched and seeking to address the many, many misunderstandings around OCD and it presents a full and vivid picture without crossing into non-fiction or preaching.
Ben's character is well fleshed out - as are his family and his best friend, April.
I will be adding this to our school library the day it comes out!
September 14, 2024
4 stars
Tbh as i was reading the start/middle of the book i thought it was kinda meh, like it was alright but not really that great either, plus i thought it was really repetitive throughout the middle which didn’t exactly make it thaaat enjoyable plus there were a few pointless characters imo. But the ending was soo good and although it was predictable as to what would happen, I still really enjoyed reading the ending. ONE other thing though the mum was like really different from the start into the middle? Like her character really didn’t match up that much but its ok ig
Tbh as i was reading the start/middle of the book i thought it was kinda meh, like it was alright but not really that great either, plus i thought it was really repetitive throughout the middle which didn’t exactly make it thaaat enjoyable plus there were a few pointless characters imo. But the ending was soo good and although it was predictable as to what would happen, I still really enjoyed reading the ending. ONE other thing though the mum was like really different from the start into the middle? Like her character really didn’t match up that much but its ok ig
August 10, 2025
Every child with OCD should read this book. Even as an adult whose OCD works differently, it was completely relatable and it also displays how very distressing, overwhelming and painful it is to have a bully in your head, telling you what to do.
June 22, 2022
This book is so important for OCD representation! The book i needed when I was younger and suffering from OCD without actually knowing that’s what it was or the people around me knowing.
Especially the parts of the book talking through the diagnostic criteria and even some of the contents of Ben’s therapy sessions are really good and will be helpful to kids currently suffering with OCD, or for others to learn what it is.
Especially the parts of the book talking through the diagnostic criteria and even some of the contents of Ben’s therapy sessions are really good and will be helpful to kids currently suffering with OCD, or for others to learn what it is.
August 6, 2022
3'75⭐
October 20, 2025
A nice feel good read giving an insiders perspective of OCD.
January 7, 2024
This was my first middle grade with OCD rep, and I really liked it! Recommended to young readers and adults alike :)
December 18, 2022
I love when middle-grade fiction takes a less-talked-about topic and makes it relatable, insightful, and conquerable - Lily Bailey did just that with When I See Blue .
Like everyone, Ben gets thoughts. But his Thoughts are scary, dominant, and controlling. Terrified that his Thoughts will take over and cause a disaster, Ben tries to counteract them by counting in 4s, touching his toes (in numbers divisible by 4), opening and closing his door (in 4s) - you get the picture. 4 is his magic number. 6 is his enemy. Green is ok but red and blue are bad. Black is safe. Writing is hard. Maths is great, but school is near impossible to navigate. And people? They’re another thing entirely.
So when April befriends Ben in his new class, he tries to hide his compulsions, afraid April will find him weird. But April is fighting her own battles and to help save her, Ben will have to confront his Thoughts once and for all.
I love how this book shines a light on OCD and how it affects young people - while I know a little about the illness, I’ve only really attached it to adults, so seeing it from Ben’s perspective was very eye-opening. It also removed the stigma around counselling and made it a normal part of Ben’s life that he didn’t need to feel embarrassed about. His counsellor was also an empowering character who really took the time to understand Ben’s compulsions and, in turn, educated Ben (and the reader) about OCD. He didn’t force Ben into being “normal” but instead, gave him small goals to aim for without overwhelming him, gradually helping him to ignore his compulsions. He was like a friend to Ben and super approachable which I think most people would not associate with counsellors and in fact, should.
I hope this book helps spark conversations between young (and older) readers and their friends/family. It’s a really powerful story written by an own voices author who clearly understands and addresses the frustrations of living with OCD. The best part is that nobody has to suffer in silence and the author explored this brilliantly through the counsellor, April, and Ben’s family. I’d love to see this book in school libraries and on school reading lists to help educate kids, teachers, and parents as well as give kids suffering from OCD a voice.
Thank you to Hachette for sending me a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Rating breakdown
Plot/narrative - 4.2
Writing style/readability - 4.3
Characters - 4.4
Diverse themes - 4.6
Ending - 4.2
Overall - 4.3
Like everyone, Ben gets thoughts. But his Thoughts are scary, dominant, and controlling. Terrified that his Thoughts will take over and cause a disaster, Ben tries to counteract them by counting in 4s, touching his toes (in numbers divisible by 4), opening and closing his door (in 4s) - you get the picture. 4 is his magic number. 6 is his enemy. Green is ok but red and blue are bad. Black is safe. Writing is hard. Maths is great, but school is near impossible to navigate. And people? They’re another thing entirely.
So when April befriends Ben in his new class, he tries to hide his compulsions, afraid April will find him weird. But April is fighting her own battles and to help save her, Ben will have to confront his Thoughts once and for all.
I love how this book shines a light on OCD and how it affects young people - while I know a little about the illness, I’ve only really attached it to adults, so seeing it from Ben’s perspective was very eye-opening. It also removed the stigma around counselling and made it a normal part of Ben’s life that he didn’t need to feel embarrassed about. His counsellor was also an empowering character who really took the time to understand Ben’s compulsions and, in turn, educated Ben (and the reader) about OCD. He didn’t force Ben into being “normal” but instead, gave him small goals to aim for without overwhelming him, gradually helping him to ignore his compulsions. He was like a friend to Ben and super approachable which I think most people would not associate with counsellors and in fact, should.
I hope this book helps spark conversations between young (and older) readers and their friends/family. It’s a really powerful story written by an own voices author who clearly understands and addresses the frustrations of living with OCD. The best part is that nobody has to suffer in silence and the author explored this brilliantly through the counsellor, April, and Ben’s family. I’d love to see this book in school libraries and on school reading lists to help educate kids, teachers, and parents as well as give kids suffering from OCD a voice.
Thank you to Hachette for sending me a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Rating breakdown
Plot/narrative - 4.2
Writing style/readability - 4.3
Characters - 4.4
Diverse themes - 4.6
Ending - 4.2
Overall - 4.3
January 12, 2022
When I see Blue by Lily Bailey is a masterpiece! I know this is quite a dramatic statement to make, but it is such a wonderful example of how Middle Grade stories can delight, inspire and open up our understanding of the experiences of others, or offer reassurance, reflection and advice to those who live the experience too.
Sharing Ben’s journey as he experiences a new school, new home, new friendship, challenging home life and therapy sessions for his newly diagnosed OCD, was an emotional journey and I was cheering him on (and aching for him to speak up) on the sidelines. I imagine children will fall in love with Ben too and his rebel friend April - their budding friendship is written with genuine warmth. April is a fabulous character – a real inspiration, but with her own troubles and flaws as we all have.
There is something for every reader to connect with – we all have brains that don’t always do right by us after all – but I can’t imagine what a book like this could mean to a child and family who are living with OCD. The way it captures the experience and follows Ben’s therapy is fantastic, while never feeling forced – it’s all about the story, and there is so much to take from this story, not least the warm, lovable characters that I think may have taken up permanent residence in my heart (it’s getting busy in there 😊),
It is pitched perfectly for an upper middle grade audience (10-12) and is the kind of story I wish I could have read when I was a bubble of adolescent uncertainty in need of some reassurance! A window of compassion and understanding in an often huge, scary world, and a jumbled, growing mind.
There is so much going on – Not only does it shine a light on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and particularly how this manifests in children. but it also delves into the complexity of family and parental relationships, friendship, alcoholism, bullying and more. But above all, it is such a gorgeous novel, handled with sensitivity and warmth.
It’s also a massively satisfying story with compassion at its heart and I encourage teachers and parents everywhere to buy, borrow and share this with the children in your life (and enjoy it yourself too!)
Sharing Ben’s journey as he experiences a new school, new home, new friendship, challenging home life and therapy sessions for his newly diagnosed OCD, was an emotional journey and I was cheering him on (and aching for him to speak up) on the sidelines. I imagine children will fall in love with Ben too and his rebel friend April - their budding friendship is written with genuine warmth. April is a fabulous character – a real inspiration, but with her own troubles and flaws as we all have.
There is something for every reader to connect with – we all have brains that don’t always do right by us after all – but I can’t imagine what a book like this could mean to a child and family who are living with OCD. The way it captures the experience and follows Ben’s therapy is fantastic, while never feeling forced – it’s all about the story, and there is so much to take from this story, not least the warm, lovable characters that I think may have taken up permanent residence in my heart (it’s getting busy in there 😊),
It is pitched perfectly for an upper middle grade audience (10-12) and is the kind of story I wish I could have read when I was a bubble of adolescent uncertainty in need of some reassurance! A window of compassion and understanding in an often huge, scary world, and a jumbled, growing mind.
There is so much going on – Not only does it shine a light on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and particularly how this manifests in children. but it also delves into the complexity of family and parental relationships, friendship, alcoholism, bullying and more. But above all, it is such a gorgeous novel, handled with sensitivity and warmth.
It’s also a massively satisfying story with compassion at its heart and I encourage teachers and parents everywhere to buy, borrow and share this with the children in your life (and enjoy it yourself too!)
December 26, 2022
I was drawn to "When I see Blue" after reading Lily Bailey's EXCEPTIONAL autobiography "Because we are Bad."
It is near impossible for anyone without OCD to understand the leaps the mind will make to find even the smallest bit of grounding. "Blue" does an excellent job describing this behavior from the perspective of a burgeoning adolescent.
"When I see Blue" offers the reader a realistic and unique view of a young boy wrestling with OCD. Its authenticity is a breath of fresh air describing how the increased stress of a chaotic home environment likely uncovers a biological predisposition (exhibited by his mother's self-medicating and withdrawal behaviors). As I read, I wondered which characters represented pieces of the author.
What I appreciated most about the book was how the author presents Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) techniques. When I was in graduate school studying as a clinician, ACT had not yet been widely known. Today, it is the gold standard for OCD treatment, often paired with medication when necessary. Years ago, prevailing theories suggested that you must disrupt the thought process (obsession) to inhibit the behavior (compulsion). Today we know that it is the compulsive behavior that acts as the reinforcer of the obsession(s), this was a major change in how we understood OCD treatment.
As a clinician, my favorite parts of the story involved the therapist. These read authentically and accurate - which is often not true for such stories.
"Blue" belongs in every middle school library. The author clearly understands how many children suffer in silence, and this book would be uniquely helpful for them to read.
It is near impossible for anyone without OCD to understand the leaps the mind will make to find even the smallest bit of grounding. "Blue" does an excellent job describing this behavior from the perspective of a burgeoning adolescent.
"When I see Blue" offers the reader a realistic and unique view of a young boy wrestling with OCD. Its authenticity is a breath of fresh air describing how the increased stress of a chaotic home environment likely uncovers a biological predisposition (exhibited by his mother's self-medicating and withdrawal behaviors). As I read, I wondered which characters represented pieces of the author.
What I appreciated most about the book was how the author presents Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) techniques. When I was in graduate school studying as a clinician, ACT had not yet been widely known. Today, it is the gold standard for OCD treatment, often paired with medication when necessary. Years ago, prevailing theories suggested that you must disrupt the thought process (obsession) to inhibit the behavior (compulsion). Today we know that it is the compulsive behavior that acts as the reinforcer of the obsession(s), this was a major change in how we understood OCD treatment.
As a clinician, my favorite parts of the story involved the therapist. These read authentically and accurate - which is often not true for such stories.
"Blue" belongs in every middle school library. The author clearly understands how many children suffer in silence, and this book would be uniquely helpful for them to read.
June 11, 2022
Ben spends his life being attacked by a bully - and what makes it worse is that the bully is in his brain.
Ben's brain makes him count to 4 to stop bad things happening and to avoid certain colours.
He can only write words if they have 4, or a multiple of 4 letters in them. He can only eat his cereal out of the yellow bowl. And he absolutely wants to stay invisible in his new school.
But when April decides to sit next to him, Ben begins to realise that having a friend can be a good thing.
Ben struggles to fight the bully in his head, to ignore the kids at school who think that he and April are freaks, and to navigate his family life with an alcoholic mother, an absent father and a moody older brother.
When Ben begins councilling he begins to realise that he is not a super hero, he is not magic, and that whether he does his rituals or not has not effect on the people around him and what happens to them.
But the obsessive compulsive thoughts in his head are not easy to ignore and do not give up their hold on him easily.
Read this book - you will love Ben and April, and you will gain an insight into the everyday challenges that people with Obessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) go though on a daily basis.
OCD is not a well understood mental health condition. Most people just think you like to keep things obsessively tidy or you wash your hands a lot. But OCD is a complex and debilitating condition that makes the lives of people living with it complex and exhausting.
Highly recommended.
Thanks to Hachette Australia for the review copy of this book.
July 30, 2022
When I see Blue by Lily Bailey is a powerful children’s novel that explores the condition of OCD. It is perfect for ages ten years and over. I found it such a powerful insight into this paralyzing condition.
The novel is told in the first person from the point of view of twelve year old Ben. The reader really gets to know him as we witness the conflicts that play out in his head.
Lily Bailey shows the way thoughts, routines and fixations can really run amok in a mind. There is no ‘quick fix’. The person suffering from OCD really cannot help it and needs love, care, understanding and professional help to be able to cope with day to day life which we all take for granted.
The reader accompanies Ben to counselling. It helps us to better understand what is going on in the mind of a young sufferer.
Ben feels isolated. He feels an outsider and alone. School can be a cruel and lonely place as there is a pack mentality.
The novel is about friendship. It is about supporting each other through the tough times. It is about anticipating the needs of another.
We see the bravery needed to do the ordinary things we take for granted but which is massive if you suffer from OCD. It is being incredibly brave daily.
There are also problems within a family. It seems to be imploding as each family member struggles alone.
When I See Blue was a novel that consumed me. It was such a powerful read, sensitively portrayed by Lily Bailey. I loved her style of writing and want to read more, more more!
The novel is told in the first person from the point of view of twelve year old Ben. The reader really gets to know him as we witness the conflicts that play out in his head.
Lily Bailey shows the way thoughts, routines and fixations can really run amok in a mind. There is no ‘quick fix’. The person suffering from OCD really cannot help it and needs love, care, understanding and professional help to be able to cope with day to day life which we all take for granted.
The reader accompanies Ben to counselling. It helps us to better understand what is going on in the mind of a young sufferer.
Ben feels isolated. He feels an outsider and alone. School can be a cruel and lonely place as there is a pack mentality.
The novel is about friendship. It is about supporting each other through the tough times. It is about anticipating the needs of another.
We see the bravery needed to do the ordinary things we take for granted but which is massive if you suffer from OCD. It is being incredibly brave daily.
There are also problems within a family. It seems to be imploding as each family member struggles alone.
When I See Blue was a novel that consumed me. It was such a powerful read, sensitively portrayed by Lily Bailey. I loved her style of writing and want to read more, more more!
March 29, 2022
This book shows Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in the most detailed way I have ever come across in children's fiction. As a sufferer, I can relate to Ben from the first chapter.
Ben is a really likable and relatable character. He also suffers from OCD which means he deals with stressful situations (or tries to prevent them) by avoiding certain colours or repeatedly counting or doing movements related to the number four. These compulsions take over his day and decisions. But everything starts to change for the better when he makes a new friend at school, April, who recognises the disorder in Ben, accepts him and encourages him to get help.
I love the early moments in this story when Ben is distracted from his compulsions/thoughts because he is having fun with April. They are glimpses of a life not controlled by OCD: 'I realise I had so much fun I forgot all about the door.'
There are many difficult things that Ben has to face both at school and at home. But this story focuses on him recognising that 'challenging the fear in your head is the bravest thing you can do.' This message leaves me inspired and will inspire any struggling reader also.
Lily has written a very detailed, important book that will help young and adult readers alike.
Ben is a really likable and relatable character. He also suffers from OCD which means he deals with stressful situations (or tries to prevent them) by avoiding certain colours or repeatedly counting or doing movements related to the number four. These compulsions take over his day and decisions. But everything starts to change for the better when he makes a new friend at school, April, who recognises the disorder in Ben, accepts him and encourages him to get help.
I love the early moments in this story when Ben is distracted from his compulsions/thoughts because he is having fun with April. They are glimpses of a life not controlled by OCD: 'I realise I had so much fun I forgot all about the door.'
There are many difficult things that Ben has to face both at school and at home. But this story focuses on him recognising that 'challenging the fear in your head is the bravest thing you can do.' This message leaves me inspired and will inspire any struggling reader also.
Lily has written a very detailed, important book that will help young and adult readers alike.
December 4, 2022
From a first person stance, Ben shares his journey as he experiences starting at a new school, moving into a new home, developing a new (and first ) friendship, navigating a challenging and disruptive home life with an alcoholic mother and a father who has moved out, along with therapy sessions for his newly diagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
That's a lot to take in with some challenging themes, and this makes for a fairly intense read. Although reviews recommend this for upper primary students I feel it is more a crossover between primary and secondary, in line with Ben being at high school and dealing with a range of issues through the lens of his OCD. Lily Bailey has drawn on her own experiences and done an admirable job in portraying the trials and challenges of living with OCD, exploring Ben's behaviours and their impact on family and those he must socialise with. There are places where the writing becomes very intense with the repetitive behaviours, and a little didactic to incorporate sufficient factual information for the reader. The gradual positive influence of the therapy and how, in a crisis, Ben overcomes severe compulsions provides a positive note, but one that may not ring true for some readers and families where management is not so successful.
That's a lot to take in with some challenging themes, and this makes for a fairly intense read. Although reviews recommend this for upper primary students I feel it is more a crossover between primary and secondary, in line with Ben being at high school and dealing with a range of issues through the lens of his OCD. Lily Bailey has drawn on her own experiences and done an admirable job in portraying the trials and challenges of living with OCD, exploring Ben's behaviours and their impact on family and those he must socialise with. There are places where the writing becomes very intense with the repetitive behaviours, and a little didactic to incorporate sufficient factual information for the reader. The gradual positive influence of the therapy and how, in a crisis, Ben overcomes severe compulsions provides a positive note, but one that may not ring true for some readers and families where management is not so successful.
May 15, 2022
This book is ... Wow! I could not put it down. It is so well written. Ben and April jump off the page and from day 1 you are rooting for them. As a teacher, I am very aware that the children I teach can have a whole world going on at home that we don't know about, but this book really brings this home. It covers so many hard topics, alcoholism, family separation, bullying, feelings of being an outsider and of course most importantly OCD. The way Lily Bailey paints the picture of how much Ben struggles with his compulsions, how much he hates the control they have on him and how hard it is for his family and friends to work out how to help him is so thoughtful and thought provoking. And then the pride as he starts to stand up to his bully brain and realistic way Lily Bailey has written about slip backs just gives hope that there are ways out. It is hard and the path isn't straight, but every step forward, no matter how small, is progress. This book is one that should be in every school library and I will definitely be adding it to my school collection.
June 30, 2022
4.5/5
A fascinating, heartbreaking read that shines a light on the experiences of a young boy navigating family difficulties and moving to a new school while experiencing intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviours. Written by an author who has personal experience of growing up with OCD this middlegrade story offers valuable insight into the challenges faced by young people who have this condition, highlighting the work that they must do to overcome it and the importance of a good support system who understand and accept the reality of living with ocd.
An excellent option for reading aloud/Class novel in senior primary classrooms (with pupils aged 10+) there is loads of scope for rich discussion here on ocd, alcoholism, sibling disconnect, absent parents, bullying, embracing your unique identity and more!
Definitely one I will be adding to my class library next year.
Thank you to NetGalley.co.uk and Hatchette Children’s Group for the free eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
A fascinating, heartbreaking read that shines a light on the experiences of a young boy navigating family difficulties and moving to a new school while experiencing intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviours. Written by an author who has personal experience of growing up with OCD this middlegrade story offers valuable insight into the challenges faced by young people who have this condition, highlighting the work that they must do to overcome it and the importance of a good support system who understand and accept the reality of living with ocd.
An excellent option for reading aloud/Class novel in senior primary classrooms (with pupils aged 10+) there is loads of scope for rich discussion here on ocd, alcoholism, sibling disconnect, absent parents, bullying, embracing your unique identity and more!
Definitely one I will be adding to my class library next year.
Thank you to NetGalley.co.uk and Hatchette Children’s Group for the free eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
October 16, 2022
4.5 Stars
So glad I decided to randomly buy this! It was just a random purchase because I have no self-control when it comes to books, but #worthit.
I’ve only read a couple of books about OCD, but I think this may be the first one that is middle grade.
For a while I think I’ve avoided middle grade, but this year it’s a come-back clearly, and I hope to continue making it something I read more on the regular.
‘When I See Blue’ was masterfully crafted, and the characters ripped my soul in two.
In the past I used to have certain rituals that I couldn’t get out of and it was really frustrating, so even though it was on a much smaller scale, I definitely related to Ben!
Plus, I have to say that April was everything! Everyone should have an April in their lives.
I also just realised that I own one of Lily Bailey’s other books - ‘Because We are Bad’. My mum randomly picked it up from an op shop for me a while ago, so it’s been sitting on my shelf for a short bit. Now I’ll definitely be picking it up soon!
So glad I decided to randomly buy this! It was just a random purchase because I have no self-control when it comes to books, but #worthit.
I’ve only read a couple of books about OCD, but I think this may be the first one that is middle grade.
For a while I think I’ve avoided middle grade, but this year it’s a come-back clearly, and I hope to continue making it something I read more on the regular.
‘When I See Blue’ was masterfully crafted, and the characters ripped my soul in two.
In the past I used to have certain rituals that I couldn’t get out of and it was really frustrating, so even though it was on a much smaller scale, I definitely related to Ben!
Plus, I have to say that April was everything! Everyone should have an April in their lives.
I also just realised that I own one of Lily Bailey’s other books - ‘Because We are Bad’. My mum randomly picked it up from an op shop for me a while ago, so it’s been sitting on my shelf for a short bit. Now I’ll definitely be picking it up soon!
March 20, 2022
I devoured this book in one very short sitting and afterwards I just sat thinking for a short while. It was such a good read that had an impact on me and so I think it will definitely resonate with children and will be such an important book for them to read.
Mental health is everywhere - I myself suffer really bad from anxiety that provides almost ocd tendencies at times - and so the reality is that most children will know someone who is affected by mental health, or affected themselves by it and this book will provide a resource that shows them how to deal with it.
It was well written with a beautifully poignant narrative, engaging storyline and well developed characters that I loved, especially Ben.
This book had some really uplifting and heart-warming moments and a good amount of humour which I think will be especially important for any children that are reading this because they can relate with Ben,
A rea;lly good read.
Mental health is everywhere - I myself suffer really bad from anxiety that provides almost ocd tendencies at times - and so the reality is that most children will know someone who is affected by mental health, or affected themselves by it and this book will provide a resource that shows them how to deal with it.
It was well written with a beautifully poignant narrative, engaging storyline and well developed characters that I loved, especially Ben.
This book had some really uplifting and heart-warming moments and a good amount of humour which I think will be especially important for any children that are reading this because they can relate with Ben,
A rea;lly good read.
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