I See The Elephant

by Barbara J. Martin

Her father insists that she can't do anything right. Her mother mocks and ridicules her. One older brother torments her with his sadistic "games" while her other older brother ignores her.
Lost and confused, Barbara fails in school, chooses abusive relationships and unfulfilling careers, until one day, emotionally exhausted and utterly defeated, an unexpected encounter with a stranger provides sudden clarity.
Be inspired by this true story of how a determined, resilient woman spent years searching for her self-worth in others, only to find it within herself.

Genres: Nonfiction

ebook

Published December 8, 2021

Reviews

[Gill D. Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I See The Elephant: A Journey Through Madness by Barbara Martin is a poignant albeit disturbing read. As a child protection social worker and the daughter of a narcissistic mother myself, this story was sadly relatable on so many levels to my own life and to the work that I do.

I loved Barbara's resilience in the face of constant adversity, yet wanted to cry at the missed opportunities in her life too. I was hoping the kind police officer she met when she was young would miraculously re-appear when she was older and wiser but he didn't. Maybe there is still time!

This memoir provides a glimpse into the life of a little girl whose emotional scars never left her no matter how old she grew. They would never disappear but she would learn to manage them. This is a tragic true story that will help anyone in the same position to learn that hope does exist and that self-worth must never be based on external factors or people. Although when caregivers emotionally abuse and neglect children in their formative years as Barbara's parents did, it is extremely difficult to feel seen or worthy within relationships with others even as an adult.

I wanted to cry for this little girl who had no one to turn to while growing up, her parents were emotionally distant and cruel and one brother appeared to be a psychopath while the other was completely disassociated.

Barbara has an inner strength that she taps into when at a crossroads in life, but she loses it again as she easily doubts herself when it comes to the men in her life. I wanted to shake Barbara when she kept giving her all to both of her husbands who did not deserve her, and I struggled when she initially left her daughter behind. But I also realised I have never walked in Barbara's shoes and so who am I to judge. I can only imagine how her poor self-esteem kept her in an endless loop of attracting those who made her feel worthless.

I'd love to know what Barbara's own parents experienced as children, I have no doubt there would be some familial patterns playing out here. Maybe that could be the next instalment if the author is privy to that information (unlikely given how closed off they were).

It was great to see that Barbara finishes off strong as a self-reliant and capable lady who now enjoys life to the fullest. What an amazing lady you are Barbara. You are kind and strong and this tale will give so many others the strength and hope they need. Bravo, thank you for sharing your powerful story of hope with others.

[Callie Woodridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I See The Elephant: A Journey Through Madness" by Barbara Martin is a powerful and deeply emotional memoir that delves into the author's tumultuous life and her remarkable journey towards healing and self-discovery. This memoir offers readers an unfiltered look at the author's experiences growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive family, navigating toxic relationships, and ultimately finding the strength to overcome adversity.

Barbara Martin's storytelling is brutally honest and emotionally charged. She takes readers on a rollercoaster of emotions as she shares her struggles, fears, and triumphs. Her narrative serves as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of self-empowerment. The author's ability to articulate her experiences with such clarity and vulnerability is both commendable and relatable.

What makes "I See The Elephant" stand out is its profound exploration of the lasting impact of a toxic upbringing and abusive relationships. Martin's journey isn't just about enduring pain; it's about her path to recovery, hope, and empowerment. She reveals the depths of despair but also showcases the incredible inner strength we all possess to overcome adversity.

The book is written in a compelling and engaging style. Martin's words have the power to immerse readers in her world, allowing them to feel the depth of her emotions. As you read through the pages, you'll find it challenging to put the book down, captivated by her story and eager to witness how she reclaims her life.

"I See The Elephant" is more than just a memoir; it's a testament to the strength of the human spirit and a call for understanding and compassion for those who have faced mental health challenges and abuse. Barbara Martin's courage to share her story contributes to the important conversation around mental health and the impact of toxic family dynamics.

In conclusion, "I See The Elephant: A Journey Through Madness" is a remarkable and inspiring memoir that offers an intimate perspective on one woman's journey to healing and self-discovery. Barbara Martin's story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of self-empowerment. This book will touch your heart, stir your soul, and leave you with a profound sense of hope and inspiration. It is a must-read for anyone seeking insight, understanding, and the strength to confront their own challenges.

[Elle Sie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Barbara Martin's memoir is written in such an accessible style that it reads like fiction. It reveals a sad, lonely and harrowing journey at the start and the author's difficult journey towards healing later as an adult. With her neglectful father, emotionally abusive mother, sadistic older brother David and beaten-down brother Tom, she was forced to navigate childhood with a sadness beyond her years.

The whole book is written through a lens of someone who has overcome trauma and reflects with mature knowledge and perspective. In that sense, I felt kept at a distance by the writing style during the childhood and teen parts; Martin's
six year old self had a seeming maturity and insight into the adults around her, both family and teachers, and an understanding of narcissism and emotional abuse that a child couldn't have possibly understood. This made her child-self come across as precocious; almost like an adult trapped in a child's body with fully adult maturity. I feel it would've worked better if the earlier parts had been written in the child's voice, maybe showing confusion about the adult negativity and feeling lonely because of the hostility - and then the adult Martin linking back to contextualise this in later chapters. The teen years were the same, which created a conflict; on the one hand there was a disengaged teenager engaging in antisocial things, but on the other hand, she had enough self-awareness to know that she had "loser friends" and deserved better. I really feel that tearaway teens don't see themselves or their peers as "losers" until maybe much later in life as a fully adjusted adult; again I think the teen chapters would have been much more harrowing and impactful if written from the adolescent perspective.

The adult chapters worked better because the mature voice framing the narrative made sense to explain her journey to heal herself, and try to renew bonds with those close to her. I was happy to see her overcome divorce, bankruptcy and to have a stronger bond with her own daughter than the one her mother provided to her. I also liked how there was a follow up to family relationships with David and Tom as well as her parents, which tied nicely back to the start of the book.

[Leroy Malloy · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I See The Elephant: A Journey Through Madness" by Barbara Martin is a profoundly moving yet unsettling narrative. The story resonated deeply with my own experiences and professional life. Barbara's resilience amidst relentless challenges is admirable, yet there's a poignant sense of missed opportunities that tugs at the heartstrings. The hope for the return of the kind police officer from her youth is palpable but remains unfulfilled. This memoir opens a window into the life of a young girl whose emotional wounds persist into adulthood. While the scars endure, Barbara learns to navigate and manage them, offering a tragic yet hopeful story for those in similar circumstances. The narrative unveils the impact of emotional abuse and neglect on a child's development, making it challenging to establish self-worth in adult relationships. The emotional distance and cruelty of Barbara's parents, coupled with the disturbing dynamics among her siblings, add layers to her struggle for recognition and value. The story is a rollercoaster of emotions, from empathy for the lonely girl to frustration at her choices in relationships. Barbara's inner strength emerges at a crossroads, but doubts resurface, particularly in her interactions with men. Despite the urge to intervene in her choices, the complexity of her experiences reminds me that judgment is an outsider's perspective. The desire to understand Barbara's parents' own childhood experiences arises, anticipating potential familial patterns. Witnessing Barbara's transformation into a self-reliant and vibrant woman is uplifting. Her journey, marked by trials and triumphs, resonates as a powerful testament to resilience and hope. Barbara's strength and kindness radiate, making her an inspiring figure. This is a compelling story, offering strength and hope to many through its powerful narrative. Highly recommended.

[Megan Bushree · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the grand tradition of The Glass Castle, Educated and I’m Glad My Mom Died, comes another beautifully written and heartbreaking memoir of a person who persists with the strength and resilience to overcome abusive parents. I See The Elephant: A Journey Through Madness follows the journey of Barbara Martin growing up in New Hampshire with her astoundingly horrific childhood filled with narcissistic parents, a physically abusive brother, David, and her equally lost and tormented brother, Tom. To make matters worse, her school is filled with dismissive and insulting teachers who only further cement the untrue and horrible things her parents tell her daily. I cheered for Barbara when she escaped her town to make her way to California and start a life for herself but unfortunately; the pain continued, but she persisted. Through a series of failed relationships with cruel men, and the unexpected life turns (some of which I will not spoil for you), Barbara finds peace within herself rather than relying on how others act toward her. There were many moments where I was furious with the way these people treated Barbara. Why couldn’t she see how special she has always been and shut out everyone who said differently? But that’s the problem and great tragedy with lifelong abuse. It takes so long to truly see those truths when you’re in the middle of them. I felt a deep kinship with Barbara with so many of these moments.

This is a stellar memoir with a clear voice and sublime imagery. I could feel, smell, and see the things the author writes about. I highly recommend this book and hope to see many more books to come by Barbara Martin.

[Anita Dow · Rating 5 out of 5]

A haunting memoir of hope, forgiveness and finding peace
This utterly absorbing memoir had me immersed from the first page. Author Barbara Martin writes simply but beautifully in this emotive reflection on how her dysfunctional family moulded her, and how she ultimately came to find peace. In the book's preface she explains, gently and without accusation, how writing this book has helped her to make sense of her struggles and arrive at a place of clarity and acceptance. She hopes that others who have experienced the difficulties of living with controlling, narcissistic people, might see that they can find a way to become the person they were destined to be and fulfil their potential.

Some of the incidents described here shocked me, making me grateful to have come from a loving, nurturing family, and to be more understanding of those I have known, who did not have such a good start in life. I thought about the issues in this book a great deal, even when I wasn't actually reading it, for it got to me. The phrase 'nature versus nurture' came to mind frequently. Anyone who grew up with a dysfunctional family is sure to find much to inspire and comfort them in this book, for it contains compassion, hope and ultimately, peace and forgiveness. It has much in it to deepen any reader's understanding and empathy for others in situations that initially we might want to dismiss. The writing is accomplished and almost had the feel of a fictional story, and I would have given it 5 stars but for a handful of typos and small proofreading errors. I found it difficult to put this book down and highly recommend it.

[CJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t judge a book by its cover

I had to remind myself that Barbara Martin’s memoir, “I See the Elephant”, is autobiographical: it reads much like a fictional piece. The writing style is excellent, making for an easy and enjoyable read—which is very surprising given the challenging material. The book follows Martin’s progression from a distressed, side-lined childhood through to maturity and a new life, despite everything her emotionally absent father, psychologically abusing mother, overbearing older brother (David), and equally damaged other sibling (Tom). The book has different voices to cover her growth over time, and it is the adult voice that shows us how Martin managed to overcome these difficulties and find a way to rebuild broken relationships.

I would not have normally selected this book due to the simplistic cover, which bears little resemblance to the title or the content, but do not be confused. Martin has delivered a compelling tale—albeit her own, true story—which is well-presented despite a few editorial gotchas.

Martin’s book is crammed with the author’s recollections concerning her family, but these are not biased or condemning, nor does she diminish the enormity of the events she endured. It demonstrates to the reader how resilient someone can be growing up with difficult parents and how to recover from childhood wounds. Despite how much “I See the Elephant” might push the reader, it still has moments of beauty and even laughter. This is a book for those who need to understand how important love and determination are, even in the most terrible of situations. Definitely worth the read!

[Eduardo · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I See the Elephant" is a gripping and deeply personal memoir that delves into the profound impact of narcissistic parents on an individual's life. Barbara J. Martin bravely shares her journey of enduring emotional abuse, feelings of inadequacy, and the desperate search for self-worth. The author's poignant narrative takes readers on a tumultuous path, filled with heartbreaking moments and unexpected encounters that ultimately lead to self-discovery and empowerment. What sets this memoir apart is its unflinching honesty and the raw portrayal of the long-lasting effects of narcissistic parents. Barbara's candid storytelling immerses readers in her emotional struggles, allowing them to witness the devastating impact of parental manipulation and invalidation. The author's vulnerability is both brave and captivating, inviting readers to empathize with her experiences and reflect on their own relationships. This book also highlights the resilience and strength inherent in every individual. Through her compelling story, Barbara reminds us that we possess the power to overcome adversity and reclaim our self-worth. Her journey serves as a beacon of hope, inspiring readers to confront their own demons and seek personal growth. In this memoir, Barbara J. Martin bares her soul, offering a profound exploration of the human spirit, resilience, and the transformative power of self-empowerment. Overall, this is a captivating and thought-provoking read that sheds light on a topic often shrouded in silence, leaving a lasting impact on its readers.

[Susan Day · Rating 5 out of 5]

I See the Elephant is an autobiographical story that shares the emotional suffering of one woman’s life. In it, author Barbara J Martin, reveals the inner struggles that ensued from generations of people who seemed unable to love.

The narrative is simply told, but strong enough to hold the reader’s attention. It delves deep into the reoccurring issues that were common for this generation. As well, the author writes beautiful passages that describe her experiences. She captures the extraordinary sense of freedom of riding a horse into the ocean waves; the power of the animal, the smell and the sensations that are only present at the beach.

I was moved by the author’s honesty throughout this book. She tells her story plain and simple. No embellishment and no exaggeration. It is a story of one person’s struggle to be loved, find love and the continual heartache associated with the failure of finding the right kind of love.

I understood how the story was a cathartic experience for her. How writing healed her and allowed her to move forward and find peace. I felt a similar sense of peace as she shared her life as it is now and how she has come to terms with her past.

This book presents a lot of painful memories that many readers will identify with. Its power lies in its relatability and truth. In particular, the warning in the preface of the dangers of not loving and supporting our children and the impact that has on them, and also on our society as a whole is a lesson we all need to be reminded of.

[Carole Parkes · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating autobiography. It’s interesting how members of the same family see everyday events so differently, both when they are occurring and, later, when they are reflecting on their earlier lives. This is one of the reasons that make autobiographies so readable. How we perceive things has a lot to do with our own personalities. In this case, the young Barbara appeared to have a really sensitive, needy nature. She desired to be noticed and fussed over by everyone, even by her teachers, yet she failed to give the same attention to her brother Tom who she recognised was also suffering in his own misery.

Despite feeling unloved, Barbara describes how her mother regularly took them to the beach, took her to horse riding lessons every Tuesday, made curtains with tassels for her bedroom, made her dresses, and bought her ice cream whenever she heard the ice cream van. Even if her mother didn’t show love by hugging her, her affection was evident in other ways. Judging from her mother’s view on sex, her mother obviously wasn’t a tactile person. Perhaps Barbara could have reversed the no-hug situation by hugging her mother first. It’s so sad when family relationships are difficult.

On the whole, this is a great autobiography. Barbara tells her story straight from the heart and her words flow smoothly making this a quick read. I’m so pleased she finally found peace within herself and realised she shouldn’t depend on anyone else to make her happy. I’ll be recommending this book to others.

[Marlene Cheng · Rating 5 out of 5]

"It takes a village to raise a child."
Where were the villagers who should have noticed and offered help to troubled Barbara Martin? Her teachers. The next-door neighbors. Her classmates' parents. The dance teacher. They were all dismissive and insulting. Everywhere Barbara turned, her malfunctional family's treatment of her was further cemented. Is it any wonder she believed herself to be stupid, hopeless, and incapable?
It begs me to wonder just what has become of village life.
How fortunate Barbara was to be able to feel and hang on to a small spark of her 'real' self.
She suffered unbelievable pain, but, thank goodness, eventually, certain things triggered an understanding, a clarity of who she was destined to be--a compassionate, caring, forgiving, capable individual.
Courageously, with unrelenting determination, she fought to become her 'real' self and to be at peace.
Barbara J. Martin, in her compelling memoir, I See The Elephant, in a simple, readable style of writing, bears her soul and hits us emotionally. She teaches us that we all have what it takes to overcome adversity. She gives us hope. She's an inspiration. Thank you, Barbara. You have left an impact on me. Well done. Very well done. Marlene Cheng--author

[Carmel Audsley · Rating 5 out of 5]

How tempting it would be, if we had the chance, to go back in time and ‘fix’ the things in our past that still cause us angst or confusion. Complicated family relationships can haunt us all our lives, even when we cut ourselves off from the toxic environment they create. Martin clearly, and with great honesty, lays bare the struggles she had with narcissistic parents who wouldn’t allow her the freedom to be herself. This line in the book - ‘what they don’t tell you is that by being authentic, you pose a threat by revealing inner strength they do not possess’ – resonated with me, and will with anyone who takes the time to sit down and read this true story. She paints her oldest brother David as sadistic and dangerous, the middle child Tom as withdrawn and distant, a mother cold and disinterested and a fearsome father whose rage he could not contain within. And amongst them all is a little girl, a flower, trying to reach through a crack in the concrete path, to feel the sun upon her face. I could feel the author’s despair and desperation to be accepted and loved. Martin has chosen to exorcise the demons from her dark childhood, and let the light in by talking and writing about her difficult start in life. The story is heart-warming and heart-breaking, and well worth a read.

[Chriseee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Barbara is a sensitive child growing up in an emotionally stunted family. This has severe consequences for her emotional development and subsequently on her choices as a grown-up. At home, Barbara is used to being teased and hurt a sadistic older brother who constantly thinks up new ways to torment her. Her other brother is emotionally absent, just trying to keep a low profile to not be bullied. Her parents either ignored her when she complains about her older brother or even ridiculed her when they perceive her as stupid. It is quite clear from the descriptions that her parents are also emotionally wounded from their own childhoods.
A heart-wrenching and brutally honest story of struggling with low self-worth, the author describes her experiences growing up.
She chooses jobs she hates, men who disrespect her and struggles to escape the vicious circle that she was taught at home. At the beginning of the book Barbara expresses the wish that her story will help others heal.
The story is extremely well written and kept me spellbound. I would like to commend Barbara Martin for her writing talents. She should definitely pursue those further.

[Keenan Morris · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I See the Elephant" by Barbara Martin is a captivating personal story that takes you on a profound journey alongside a strong and determined woman. Growing up in a family marked by dysfunction and narcissism, Barbara faced enormous challenges. This memoir isn't just a tale of hardship; it's an emotional rollercoaster painted with vivid words that vividly depict her struggles and triumphs.

What makes this memoir stand out is its relatability. Barbara opens her heart, sharing her fears and moments of courage in a way that feels incredibly genuine. Through her story, you'll not only understand the impact of toxic family dynamics but also witness the resilience, hope, and empowerment that can emerge from such situations.

More than a narrative of pain, this memoir is a beacon of hope. It sheds light on the enduring effects of narcissism while highlighting the inner strength required to overcome life's toughest challenges. Barbara's journey serves as a powerful reminder that no matter how dire the circumstances, individuals can find the strength within themselves to not only survive but also thrive.

[Gloria Goldsmith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Barbara Martin’s book, I See The Elephant: A Journey Through Madness, was a deep delve into disturbing and pathological behaviors of her family, parents and sibling. It created anxiety for me just reading it. Barbara was so insecure as a young child but knew from experience not to say something, not to shout at her parent’s uncaring behavior, not to make waves.

I was pure agony to read that she sensed that her older brother was dangerous to her yet each time she gave in time to participate in his sadistic schemes to hurt her.

Martin shows us what a strong person she truly is and finally can proudly see it for herself. However, it took many years of repeating relationships with men who had no real affection for her. Men who were at best parasites, living off her small joys, using her hard work and income for their own gain.

I am happy she wrote this memoir. It must have been cathartic to finally speak the truth about a life’s worth of emotional torture and to finally shed the pain and disappointment, coming out stronger and more resilient.

[Cathy Lynn Brooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absorbing Read

This was a well-written and totally absorbing story. I couldn’t put it down. I wanted to find out how Barbara finally broke free of her abusive and dysfunctional family but it was a difficult book to read because the reader feels as helpless as the little girl.

Barbara’s brother, mother and father are all abusive in their own ways. You can understand why David, her older brother is mean because he takes the brunt of the father’s beatings and is protected by their mother. It’s difficult to see Barbara being hurt physically and emotionally by him. Her narcissistic mother cares only for herself, David and the family dog, Mussels. She ignores Barbara and the middle, brother, Tom, who is also being bullied by David. Her father is a tyrant and emotionally.

Will Barbara be able to overcome all these challenges in her life? Will she find happiness? I had to find out. Great read!

[Aaron Goodall · Rating 5 out of 5]

I See The Elephant by Barbara Martin is a fascinating memoir that is as heartbreaking as it was warming. The early chapters broke me down but the maturity of Martin's character really shines through in the later stages, leading to an authentic and engaging read.

Martin faces her past troubles head on and rather than trying to hide away she acknowledges her own and other people's mistakes. She doesn't point the blame at others or uses it as an excuse for her own problems, but addresses it and moves on. I feel for her on a personal level as her rough childhood and early adult life leads her so exposed.

The writing is engaging and absorbing, so much so that this at times felt fictional rather than autobiographical. This is what made it so captivating and I had to remind myself on occasion that this is a real person finding a place in the real world. This story of pain and recovery should be used to help others work past the difficulties they have and move on with their lives.

[Kimberly Burnstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a fast read for me. The story is a memoir about growing up with a narcissistic sibling and, sadly, both parents. It’s a heart wrenching novel, because it will resonate with all of us. Everyone wants to be loved and feel like they matter, and when you grow up in a dysfunctional family, that is nearly an impossible feat.

The author details her childhood through adulthood seeking love and attention from her parents. She also writes about her relationships as both, essentially, a child and into her forties. Not surprisingly, she finds herself in bad relationships with much the same issues as when she was younger.

Happily, the memoir ends with her finding the strength to be independent. She learns to forgive her parents and abusive brother and even forgives herself for the poor decisions she made early on in life. The book is both a tragedy and triumph about life and lessons learned.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first, I didn't understand the title of "I See The Elephant: A Journey Through Madness" by Barbara Martin, but when I did, I loved it so much! It fits the story perfectly.

I see the importance of such novels, even though I would never understand people who would let others treat them in this way. I never allow anyone, whether it's a relative or a stranger on the street, to grind me down and suppress my will. Despite my lack of understanding, I can still relate to the person and see their pain, torment, and loneliness.

This memoir is important evidence that parents with insecurities and traumas often project their anger onto their family members. It's crucial to address these issues with such parents before they start mistreating their own children.

The author definitely has talent, and I'm looking forward to reading his other book, 'The Horseshoe: Is There Life After Death?' very soon.

[HS Moon · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I See the Elephant" is a poignant memoir by Barbara Martin, that delves into the unsettling experience of a woman who survived a dysfunctional family. The author captures the essence of resilience and transformation as she navigates through a labyrinth of emotional neglect, toxic relationships, and an underlying culture of denial within her family. What makes this memoir unique is its candidness; it does not shy away from exposing the flaws and vulnerabilities that often underpin family dynamics. Heartbreaking and beautifully written...
Barbara Martin's exceptional resilience serves as a beacon of hope, illuminating the path toward healing and self-discovery. Her journey is a testament to the strength of the human spirit. The narrative, while deeply personal, resonates with universal themes of love, loss, and forgiveness, making this memoir not only a gripping read but also a profound reflection on the complexities of familial relationships and the power of resilience.

[J.S. Webb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, what a read. This is the second memoir I've read by this author, and I'm so glad I read this one, too, because it gives a much bigger picture of Barbara Martin's life story. I See the Elephant immersed me right into this little girl's cold and lonely world with her unpredictably violent father, cold mother, and troubled brothers. To me this read as being as suspenseful as any work of fiction, so to constantly remind myself that it was real was crazy. I read this in only two sittings because I found the disturbing treatment by the parents so unsettling that I had to quickly get to the parts the author presents in the prologue - that it is possible to overcome this kind of beginning in life.
I say, this memoir should be used as part of a parenting class for new parents.
I recommend this not just for someone wanting to read a memoir but... anyone who likes to read! It's vivid and emotional and inspirational. Go buy it now!!

[Val Andrews · Rating 5 out of 5]

HEART-BREAKING BUT EMPOWERING. Having read this author's other memoir, 'The Horseshoe', I was keen to read this longer memoir, 'I see the elephant'. I'm glad I did. Although her childhood story was painful and upsetting to digest, she shared it so gently, I knew the wisdom and redemption would come. And it did. Filled with empathic and insightful reflections on every member of her family, but not selling herself out for a moment, this memoir was worth its weight in gold. I found it so inspiring, I might even find the courage to bring my own memoir out of the dusty archives of my computer and do something it. I highly recommend this memoir as essential reading for anyone who has felt the black sheep in their family and ready to face the past with courage and an open mind.

[Josie Bembridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

'And last, to anyone who's too terrified to reveal the elephant in the room, consider this. Those who are hiding behind the elephant are more terrified than you.' - This quote from the beginning of Barbara's book really stuck with me, and after finishing it, I found I was still stuck in my mind and I found myself despite not knowing the author, feeling proud!

This book is a memoir which I don't usually find myself reading, but after becoming a victim of Narcissistic abuse myself (which I didn't realise for a long time!) I was immediately drawn to Barbara's story. It was hard to read about the way her family treated her, but I couldn't stop reading. I desperately wanted better things to happen for her, and I am so glad that she found peace and can enjoy her life. It gives me hope.

[Rhizome · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just loved this book. Barbara popped up one day on my YouTube algorithm and I immediately found her engaging and relatable. I too, have been on a lifetime journey from self worthlessness ( specifically self hatred and cruelty to myself learned from my childhood environment) to a place of self love and acceptance that took 50 years to reach.

I decided to buy her book and it's better than I could have imagined. She is a talented, evocative author who writes exactly as she speaks on video. No pretension. No artifice. No filter really. She is not trying to impress, not trying to make you like her or her story, she just is. And in that unfiltered existence I find profound inspiration and joy to further love and accept myself. Thank you Barbara!

[Kate Hudson-Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a deeply compelling memoir that takes the readers on a poignant and courageous exploration of the author's life. Written in an accessible style that reads like fiction, this book delves into the author's early experiences and her later path towards positive healing.

I would highly recommend this book as it is a captivating memoir that offers a powerful testament to the triumph of the human spirit over adversity. Her story is an inspiring reminder that healing and growth are possible even in the face of profound challenges. It is a book that will resonate with readers who have experienced their own journeys of self-discovery and positive change.

[Michael Stewart · Rating 4 out of 5]

I See The Elephant is a relatable journey, be it through firsthand experience or observation. “I was proud of myself for having obliterated all the false, negative beliefs from my mind, seeing myself as a survivor who’d struggled for years to climb a steep, rocky mountain and had finally reached the top. Yet one nagging question remained. Did my mother love me?” Life molds us in different ways but we all seek our parents' love and approval. Author Barbara Martin writes of her dysfunctional family, her struggles and ultimately coming to terms with her childhood. Readers will find inspiration in the book and a path forward.

[Tracy Jamieson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Riveting Read Even for Someone with ADD

This writer bears her heart and soul to us while taking us on a roller coaster ride through her life. Her story-telling skills held me captive to the point I read 271 pages in two days. Learn about this amazing woman who survived the cruelty and emotional abandonment by her family, teachers, boyfriends and husbands, while never abandoning herself. Here is a positive message of looking within yourself and realizing you have an amazing ability to overcome adversity and live your best life ever.

[Christa Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deeply personal and heartbreaking.

Deeply personal and heartbreaking. This story which is based on real events reveals the complex nature of trauma following a life with someone who is narcissistic. It's never straightforward to understand why and the motives and it leaves scars for a lifetime, it's important to have stories like this to review the realities of such trauma.

[Jan Bickford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very real and heartfwlt

Barbara's life story is familiar, which is why I couldn't stop reading. She tells of events that those who have never experienced the torment she did, would understand. I love how she could break down an event and learn from each one. I can't wait to read her next book!

[Vladimir Stepanov · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sad but very inspiring story

This book is a dramatic story on overcoming narcissistic abuse in childhood. On the other hand this story is a very inspiring. Author shares her story and through it teaches how to overcome the abuse and knowing you worth! Enjoyed this book!