Being Quilly: A Continued Struggle

by Cain Quillman

Losing his twin was devastating for Quilly.

Being alone was thrust upon him as he began adulthood. How could he continue life when his mother and brother were gone forever? Where would he get the courage to make difficult decisions? Who would protect him from harm? And who would be there to wipe away the tears?

Quilly had built up an instinct for survival through a neglected childhood which would assist him on his journey through life. Determination would keep him alive as he moved from temporary homes to places where prison life was the norm. Workplaces were a battle zone, romance was a myth, and solidarity was a necessity. Failed sexual exploits and drug induced decisions were a regular occurrence for him.

Could Quilly find a safe place to call a home? Would he find an answer to his internal struggles and find someone who could understand his torment? Or would his turbulent youth become too much of an obstacle to overcome?

Being Quilly wasn't a choice, it was a sufferance.

Kindle Edition

Published February 16, 2021

About the author

Cain Quillman is a U.K. Author living in Durham. He was raised in the North East, alongside his twin - Neil.

Burning one school, and being expelled from the following one, Cain left school education with no qualifications. As a result, he spent his youth searching for employment, love, and a friendship that would replace the sudden absence of his twin.

Cain eventually settled down in a small town called Durham, which is situated in the North East of England and started writing in 2020 after his psychologist explained it would be a good healing process. Since that advice, he spends his evenings battling with persistent cats (Ninja and Bop), finding appropriate words for his next book, and persevering with his neurological condition - M.E. (chronic fatigue syndrome).

I enjoy chatting with my followers on Instagram. Head over to @cainquillman and say hi.

Reviews

[BookAddict · Rating 5 out of 5]

We first met Quilly as a young boy in Dragged Up and Torn Apart. While the initial offering was poignant, heart-rending and touching, this book is the story of Quilly’s next stage of life in all its raw, awkward, self-deprecating glory. This is the coming of age story of a boy who is ill-prepared for life on his own. Left to fend for himself, alone and with little resources, he struggles to survive and find his place in the world along the way to becoming a man.

His story is bawdy, crass and outrageous, and probably not for the faint of heart. Boys will be boys, as they say, and while explicit descriptions are reined in, we’re given the unvarnished truth of any improprietous activities. If you have delicate sensibilities, this book won’t be for you. But if you're not easily offended, you'll laugh your fanny off through the indecorous retellings.

Don’t mistake the humor to mean there is no heart or emotion, because this story is brimming with both, sometimes in the midst of the laughter, creating the most delicious emotional discord. With subject matter and events that are weighty and serious, this story takes every emotion you might have, jumbling and tumbling them throughout its pages, making for a sensational, satisfying ride. The objective narrative then leaves it to the reader to feel the raw emotion while seeking out the subtle nuance.

There are far too many new adults in our world today in similar circumstances as our Quilly. And while he is far from perfect and makes missteps along his path, his story offers a spirit of gratitude, enlightening insight and, most of all, hope. Gratitude for kindnesses shown to a struggling young man along his journey, insight to become that kindness for another whenever possible, and hope that others who are struggling to find their way will be met with kindness as they seek to find their place in this world.

As masterfully written as the first book, this story is equally as profound and relevant. It's one that can be read a hundred times and still offer something new. A new insight, a new life lesson, a new bit of humor, or a nuance so subtle it was previously missed.

In a society that denounces free thinking and self-reliance, Quilly’s message is vital. Contrary to popular discourse, this story is the imperfectly perfect parable that each of us is responsible for what our life becomes. Its humor will make you laugh out loud, its evocative poignance will indelibly mark your soul and its timely, enlightening message will live in your heart long after the last page. Vulnerable, honest, compelling, and pivotal, this remarkable story will be one of the very best you'll ever read.

[Valerie Poore · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book on a recommendation, even though it isn’t the kind of memoir I normally read, and surprised myself by finding it a compulsive page turner. It is an exceptionally well written account of a young guy’s struggle to find his place in life. Coming from a somewhat dysfunctional family and being one of twins with a complicated bond, Cain goes through a hectic time and a number of jobs and relationships to reach a place where he can hold his head and heart high. Engaging, spirited, sometimes shocking and often heart-rending, this is a book that will leave a lasting impression. Highly recommended.

[Barbara Kellyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abandoned by his mother and separated from the twin brother who was both weighing him down and keeping him buoyant during their turbulent childhood, Cain has little choice but to make his way in the world alone. Out of necessity, he grows up fast from mischievous adolescent to misfit young adult, and as readers, we pray he finds a steady path even as the soft sands of destiny unfairly shift beneath his feet.

In this captivating sequel to Quillman’s first riveting memoir, Dragged Up and Torn Apart, Cain struggles to find acceptance and belonging – including a place he can finally call home. No longer a boy but not yet a man, Cain continues to thumb his nose at authority, dabbles in drugs and grapples with toxic relationships as part of his awkward sexual awakening, but he also finds comfort and consistency in the mundane, from eating mounds of mashed potatoes to playing darts at the pub. Whether seeking solace in the arms of another or finding a bit of fulfillment at work, Cain’s longing for connection is apparent as he fights to forge ahead in his quest for love, security and acceptance. Thankfully, there are also some delightful moments of levity along the way, and the engine driving the story is Quillman’s trademark blend of naughty humour, humility, and above all, humanity.

English novelist John Fowles wrote “Adulthood is not an age, but a stage of knowledge of self.” This truly sums up Cain’s journey. As he matures into adulthood and his confidence grows, Cain comes into his own by coming to terms with his (still) dysfunctional family of origin, discovering what it means to be unconditionally loved, and finally accepting that he is ultimately the captain of his own fate. As a reader, Cain’s full-circle evolution from boy to man is truly satisfying. I, for one, am grateful that the author took the chance on making his life an open book in order to share his deeply personal and profound journey with us.

[Chava Weaver · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being Quilly is a continuation of Dragged Up And Torn Apart, following the author from age 17 to 30.

Through trials and tribulations, soul searching, and even the discovery of love, I was sucked in from the first page.

Unlike with book one, which touched more on mental health, as well as trauma and recovery, this is a story of growth. While it still had its emotional waves, we see a lighter side, and at times, a rather crass side. No embarrassing detail or thought is held back. This book is absolutely raw from beginning to end. A coming of age story that is sure to stick with you long after you put it down.

It's incredible the way Cain tells each event with so much wit and humor through not only the good, but also the bad. This ability is what drew me to his first book, and will be why I continue to read everything he puts out in the future. His story isn't only one of tragic events and the whirlwind of trying to figure out his place in life, it holds lessons and hope. There's something between the pages he's written for everyone.

I laughed, I cried, I questioned the authors sanity at times. What more could you want from a book?

[Stevie D Parker · Rating 5 out of 5]

The struggle is real… no truer statement said after reading Being Quilly. This is an emotional, very real read with heart and soul. I felt the author bleeding onto the pages, and it was hard to put down. This is a very true and graphic story of a boy becoming a man, alone in a changing society. This is the second book I have read from this author, and once again he has done an outstanding job!

[Felicity Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest, heart felt and funny.

Cain has done it again.
The second chapter of this series is another easy, fast paced and enjoyable read.
Once again, I felt as though I was there alongside Cain, experiencing the shit that life threw at him.
This one came with plenty more giggles and a lot of love.
Very much looking forward to the next installment.

[H. Everend · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another wonderful book written by the one of a kind, Cain Quillman. I thoroughly enjoyed his first memoir about his childhood. This one continues right where the first book left off and goes until Mr. Quillman is in his early 30's. Quite the interesting life he has lived. Once more, I was entertained, laughed, cried and really related to him through his words. His unique way of telling his life story will get anyone interested in reading. 5/5!

[Camille Haynes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Second instalment of Quillman's life story, following on from Dragged Up and Torn Apart. A coming of age story of a boy separated from his mother and his best friend in the entire world, his twin Neil. It explores the life of someone no longer a boy not quite a man yet as he finds his footing in the world. This book was based very much on his relationships, pulling away form his earlier focus on friendships and spirituality.

What I do love about Quillman’s life is he shares every awkward, humiliating experience in such a light and positive way. Humour is the core theme throughout and even the worst of life lessons is portrayed in a fun, insightful manner. Another core theme is the very real struggle of growing up with little and how this begins to impact you as you venture into adulthood. Coming from nothing and meeting others who have grown up with different experiences and family structures appears to make Cain struggle to form and keep healthy relationships.

It is written with a northern voice and using colloquial terms some readers may not fully understand so I do advise to approach with caution. One of the reasons I gave this book three stars is because of the structure of the writing. Don’t get me wrong, it is well written, but the actual sentence structure is difficult to follow sometimes. There is so much description of every minute detail it does become overwhelming, and by the time I have finished reading the descriptive adjectives, I have forgotten what the sentence or paragraph was about. Similarly, it did feel like a very long journey, and I feel there were some parts that could have been left out.

It does have a somewhat happy ending as Cain finds a wife, a home and pursues a new career that fulfils him. He begins to realise that his future is not determined on his family or what he grew up with and without, but instead his future is in his own hands.

I do feel it could be improved by being a little more concise and removing the long-winded descriptions of every little event. It also felt very heavy like he was just telling one point after another, and the general plot was lost. Still, a good and interesting read.

[Helen Aitchison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being Quilly shares the turbulence of young adulthood, learning life skills and a journey through loss, love, employment and self-discovery.
We pick up from where Quillman’s first Memoir, Dragged Up and Torn Apart ended. The ongoing devastation of separation from his twin continues for Cain, as he learns to navigate around life alone. Going from one temporary accommodation to another as he finds his identity and place in society. The uncertain lifestyle goes on until a year later, the family reunion looks to be on the cards, only to be dealt another blow.
Readers experience Cain’s inner struggle and lack of self-belief but we also get glimmers of bravery, confidence and healing. With flashbacks to the past, we are reminded of those early years fuelled with turmoil, challenge and dysfunctional family life. But memories also show us some of the way Cain’s character developed into a loving young man who just wanted love back, from animals and humans.
Being Quilly shares things many young people experience, so parts are relatable and entertaining, especially for people with links to North East England. Some parts had me laughing out loud and remembering places and experiences, which was brilliant!
Cain writes with an emotional spectrum and I was rooting for his younger self to soar! A great memoir, written in a bold and sometimes explicit way but with parts that will resonate with everyone.
Highly recommended and I look forward to reading more about Cain and his journey in adulthood.