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208 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1947
I overwhelmed myself with tragedy, it broke out everywhere, from all sides. And I’m to blame. At least you might think that, but I, I know that it doesn’t matter to me. There’s nothing to do about boredom, I’m bored, but one day I won’t be bored anymore. Soon. I’ll know that it’s not even worth the trouble. We’ll have the easy life.
I didn’t say anything else to Maman. But Jérôme had to disappear from Les Bugues. So that Nicolas could begin to live. It had to stop someday. That day had come.
My life: a fruit I must have eaten some of without tasting it, without realizing it, distractedly. I am not responsible for this age or for this image. You recognize it. It must be mine. I’m all right with that. I can’t do anything differently. I am that girl, there, once and for all and forever. I started to be her twenty-five years ago. I can’t even hold myself in my arms. I am bound to this waist I cannot encircle. My mouth, and the sound of my laugh, never will I know them. Yet I wish I could embrace the girl that I am and love her.
Or:
I feel the proud weariness of being born, of having come to the end of this birth. Before me, there was nothing in my place. Now there is me in place of nothing. It’s a difficult inheritance. Hence the feeling that I am an air thief. Now you know it and you welcome being in the world. I steal my place from the air, but I am happy. Here. Here I am. I sprawl. It’s beautiful out. I am flour in the sun.