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Scrupulous: My Obsessive Compulsion for God
I predict that Scrupulous will become an important resource for Latter-day Saints and others who struggle with a crippling anxiety disorder. It will give parents, teachers, counselors, and ecclesiastical leaders the tools they need to minister to people who are suffering tremendously. And it will help us all shift our conversations away from sin and repentance and towards mental disorder and treatment. This shift is essential, as it is impossible to break free from the chains of scrupulosity by simply repenting more and trying not to sin. Scrupulous: My Religious Compulsion for God by Taylor Kerby is an abounding grace to those of us who are tired of being the chief of sinners.
--Michael Austin, from the Foreword
--Michael Austin, from the Foreword
228 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 10, 2021
15 people are currently reading
98 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
December 19, 2021
It's wonderful that Taylor Kerby has written this book. Scrupulosity is too common and too unseen in LDS culture. Mine really started in my late teenage years and burst into flame on my mission, diminishing through resignation, redirection, and new obsessions; it's great to know that I'm not alone, and some of his suggestions — like a God of scrupulosity being cruel and unworthy of worship — are a balm for my second-guesser's soul.
As we all have different experiences, I want to add a few observations that Kerby hints at or that didn't factor into his struggle with scrupulosity:
1. It's not always about purity and sin. Scrupulosity can be about correct knowledge versus error and ignorance; doing the most right thing (effective, efficient, meaningful) versus doing anything that's less right; deserving blessings versus missing out on blessings; and perfection versus falling short of employing one's God-given gifts or failing to achieve one's full potential in whatever small degree.
2. Scrupulosity isn't always binary: doing good or ill, being pure or impure. It can manifest in spectra, too: needing an A+ instead of just an A, or even just a passing grade; worrying about not achieving the highest degree of glory in the hereafter.
3. Sadly, scrupulosity can, at least superficially, be other-oriented. On my mission, I worried that acting in suboptimal (distracted, inefficient, ineffective) fashion would mean that I wouldn't reach people whom I was meant to reach; that people wouldn't hear the gospel until later; that others would be turned off from the church or led into misdeeds by my poor example; that I would be receiving ease, comfort, fun, and relaxation by trading off the temporal well-being of fellow missionaries (trainees, peers, leaders), members, and non-members. I, like Corianton, would be guilty of leading them into sin.
4. Scrupulosity can even masquerade as love. For instance, we can believe that "reproving betimes with sharpness" is itself a high manifestation of love, doing what we can to help a loved one avoid misdeeds. One example could be the person in CS Lewis's The Great Divorce who was constantly driving their spouse forward, shocked that anyone would feel resentment at being improved and congratulating themself for the achievements into which they pushed their spouse. Kerby does mention that LDS Church culture is focused on preventing adolescent misdeeds, but doesn't (to my memory) explore that parents and leaders can, in their scrupulosity and supposed love, hurt those under their stewardship. After all, if we do not intervene with those under our influence, are we not denying them the degree of God's love we have received?
5. This is one he wouldn't have covered, as (for all he lets on) he's heterosexual; I certainly don't expect him to speak of others' experiences. So I'll mention here that, for the non-heterosexual folks among the Saints, scrupulosity and sexuality can take on stranger shades, as there isn't anything church-approved to which our orientations point. Of course, some of his suggestions (like God just wanting him to get a decent night's sleep) are soothing, but this is a note I'm able to contribute and bring to people's awareness.
Thank you, Taylor Kerby, for sharing your story and the fruits of your spiritual labor.
As we all have different experiences, I want to add a few observations that Kerby hints at or that didn't factor into his struggle with scrupulosity:
1. It's not always about purity and sin. Scrupulosity can be about correct knowledge versus error and ignorance; doing the most right thing (effective, efficient, meaningful) versus doing anything that's less right; deserving blessings versus missing out on blessings; and perfection versus falling short of employing one's God-given gifts or failing to achieve one's full potential in whatever small degree.
2. Scrupulosity isn't always binary: doing good or ill, being pure or impure. It can manifest in spectra, too: needing an A+ instead of just an A, or even just a passing grade; worrying about not achieving the highest degree of glory in the hereafter.
3. Sadly, scrupulosity can, at least superficially, be other-oriented. On my mission, I worried that acting in suboptimal (distracted, inefficient, ineffective) fashion would mean that I wouldn't reach people whom I was meant to reach; that people wouldn't hear the gospel until later; that others would be turned off from the church or led into misdeeds by my poor example; that I would be receiving ease, comfort, fun, and relaxation by trading off the temporal well-being of fellow missionaries (trainees, peers, leaders), members, and non-members. I, like Corianton, would be guilty of leading them into sin.
4. Scrupulosity can even masquerade as love. For instance, we can believe that "reproving betimes with sharpness" is itself a high manifestation of love, doing what we can to help a loved one avoid misdeeds. One example could be the person in CS Lewis's The Great Divorce who was constantly driving their spouse forward, shocked that anyone would feel resentment at being improved and congratulating themself for the achievements into which they pushed their spouse. Kerby does mention that LDS Church culture is focused on preventing adolescent misdeeds, but doesn't (to my memory) explore that parents and leaders can, in their scrupulosity and supposed love, hurt those under their stewardship. After all, if we do not intervene with those under our influence, are we not denying them the degree of God's love we have received?
5. This is one he wouldn't have covered, as (for all he lets on) he's heterosexual; I certainly don't expect him to speak of others' experiences. So I'll mention here that, for the non-heterosexual folks among the Saints, scrupulosity and sexuality can take on stranger shades, as there isn't anything church-approved to which our orientations point. Of course, some of his suggestions (like God just wanting him to get a decent night's sleep) are soothing, but this is a note I'm able to contribute and bring to people's awareness.
Thank you, Taylor Kerby, for sharing your story and the fruits of your spiritual labor.
January 27, 2022
Gets better as it goes along. I recommend it to LDS readers, especially bishops and youth leaders, and not just those suffering from scrupulosity...
June 26, 2022
tl;dr seek professional help for OCD
TW: self harm, OCD, suicidal ideation
First, please don't read this book. If you read anything, just look to the last 2-3 sections of the book. The rest is literally the same personal narrative repeated for too many pages.
Second, there are so many typos in this book, as well as an insanely convoluted quasi-structure of internal dialogue, that if you do endeavor to read this book, you need to make sure you take ibuprofen beforehand. The person who wrote it notwithstanding, this entire publishing team failed. For someone like me who struggles with internalized self harm thoughts, I don't recommend reading this if you have the same thoughts because You Will Be Triggered.
Finally, whether or not you believe in a deity, the essential thesis of this book is simply for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to accept a slightly more "loving" view of its members. If you're in the community, I guarantee you that watching any short TikTok from your struggling LGBTQIA+ teens would be more impactful than devoting your time and money to this word vomit.
Honestly, it's just another Protestant American Pulp Nonfiction Memoir.
If you struggle with any mental issues, emotional issues, or crippiling religious issues, seek professional psychiatric help.
If you are struggling with suicide, please call (800) 273-8255.
If you are a veteran with mental health issues, make sure your local VA is taking care of you!
TW: self harm, OCD, suicidal ideation
First, please don't read this book. If you read anything, just look to the last 2-3 sections of the book. The rest is literally the same personal narrative repeated for too many pages.
Second, there are so many typos in this book, as well as an insanely convoluted quasi-structure of internal dialogue, that if you do endeavor to read this book, you need to make sure you take ibuprofen beforehand. The person who wrote it notwithstanding, this entire publishing team failed. For someone like me who struggles with internalized self harm thoughts, I don't recommend reading this if you have the same thoughts because You Will Be Triggered.
Finally, whether or not you believe in a deity, the essential thesis of this book is simply for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to accept a slightly more "loving" view of its members. If you're in the community, I guarantee you that watching any short TikTok from your struggling LGBTQIA+ teens would be more impactful than devoting your time and money to this word vomit.
Honestly, it's just another Protestant American Pulp Nonfiction Memoir.
If you struggle with any mental issues, emotional issues, or crippiling religious issues, seek professional psychiatric help.
If you are struggling with suicide, please call (800) 273-8255.
If you are a veteran with mental health issues, make sure your local VA is taking care of you!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 3, 2022
This book was exhausting.
It was triggering.
It was painful.
It was also very very cathartic.
A huge thank you to the author for putting their traumatic childhood experiences with scrupulosity down on paper—thank you from a little LDS girl who truly thought she was the only one jumping out of bed dozens of times per night to pray for forgiveness for the tiniest infractions. Who believed every fleeting thought was a prompting and she would lose the spirit if she ignored it. Who didn’t enjoy her first kiss because she was so worried about plummeting down the slippery slope. I saw so much of my childhood in these pages that I’m truly overwhelmed. It was like reading a diary.
If you struggle with scrupulosity, this is a must-read. If you work with teens or children at church, please please read this. Everything you say to a scrupulous child is being metaphorically recorded in ink.
Although the author has retained their participation in the LDS faith and I have not, I found their theological discussions simple, liberating, and beautiful. I think this book is helpful for discussions about scrupulosity whether you belong to the LDS tradition or not.
Thank you again to the author for this deeply personal book. I feel like someone punched me in the stomach but in a productive way.
It was triggering.
It was painful.
It was also very very cathartic.
A huge thank you to the author for putting their traumatic childhood experiences with scrupulosity down on paper—thank you from a little LDS girl who truly thought she was the only one jumping out of bed dozens of times per night to pray for forgiveness for the tiniest infractions. Who believed every fleeting thought was a prompting and she would lose the spirit if she ignored it. Who didn’t enjoy her first kiss because she was so worried about plummeting down the slippery slope. I saw so much of my childhood in these pages that I’m truly overwhelmed. It was like reading a diary.
If you struggle with scrupulosity, this is a must-read. If you work with teens or children at church, please please read this. Everything you say to a scrupulous child is being metaphorically recorded in ink.
Although the author has retained their participation in the LDS faith and I have not, I found their theological discussions simple, liberating, and beautiful. I think this book is helpful for discussions about scrupulosity whether you belong to the LDS tradition or not.
Thank you again to the author for this deeply personal book. I feel like someone punched me in the stomach but in a productive way.
January 29, 2023
I was recently diagnosed with OCD and I know that some of my obsessive thinking is religiously oriented. However, I haven't suffered with compulsions to the same extent that Kerby did. His compulsions of praying and hitting himself are not compulsions I've experienced. But some of his thoughts are the same as mine.
BCC Press recently spotlighted his ending recommendations for LDS leaders to adjust their teaching to be kinder to scrupulous people. Things like "Admonitions to 'heed the first prompting' or narratives about how listening to the Holy Spirit's voice saved one from mortal (or moral) danger can exacerbate [confusion between spiritual promptings and obsessive thoughts in scrupulous people]." And "help those in your care, especially the youth, understand that not every decision has eternal weight." I identified so strongly with these recommendations at the beginning of December. It was one of the many things that made me start to wonder if I could have an anxiety disorder like OCD.
Do you remember the Mormonad with the ice cream sundae that has a cockroach in it? And it says something like... it was great, except for this one part, implying that anything bad in a piece of media ruins the whole thing. Kerby relates that when he was taught this, he was like... "that means NOTHING is good because EVERYTHING has something bad in it." Yes, finally, someone who gets it. I look back on how I almost exclusively listened to classical music in my teenage years and I wonder if this was part of my own rigid thinking about how to observe religious instructions to only listen to "uplifting" music.
Kerby develops the idea of essential impurity further in the later chapters, arguing that we cannot remain sinless because simply by living in this world, we are sinning ("the love of money is the root of all evil"; yet we live in a world that requires us to some extent to care about money to survive). This is a good thing, because it kind of takes the pressure off us to be perfect, or to perfectly ask for forgiveness for every bad thing that we do. He discussed how he believes that his compulsions were meaningless, and that God doesn't want us to make weird made-up sacrifices for him: "I'd rather have a bad god send me to hell than worship a god not worth worshipping." He also discusses how personal purity is a false idol, and believes that the way to get around it is to focus his religion outward. I have had to adjust my own religious practice to focus less on my personal "worthiness" and it has improved my spirituality (no Mom, I'm not breaking any commandments).
I'm not sure how to say this without sounding like a jerk. Scrupulosity is a form of religious OCD and it is a chronic condition. Sometimes when Kerby discusses his adjusted religious beliefs, it sounds like the same rigidity, but created to disallow the idea that God wants people to perform scrupulous compulsions. I think it could suffer from some of the same problems as the beginning religious beliefs--that they don't make sense taken to their extreme. If God loves us, he does care about our compulsive behavior, in the sense that he wants us to get help for our mental illnesses. That said, I know a little where Kerby is coming from because of my own struggles to reconcile all the religious teachings I've been taught. This book helped me to recognize when my religious thoughts become unhelpfully obsessive.
I received this book for free from the publisher.
BCC Press recently spotlighted his ending recommendations for LDS leaders to adjust their teaching to be kinder to scrupulous people. Things like "Admonitions to 'heed the first prompting' or narratives about how listening to the Holy Spirit's voice saved one from mortal (or moral) danger can exacerbate [confusion between spiritual promptings and obsessive thoughts in scrupulous people]." And "help those in your care, especially the youth, understand that not every decision has eternal weight." I identified so strongly with these recommendations at the beginning of December. It was one of the many things that made me start to wonder if I could have an anxiety disorder like OCD.
Do you remember the Mormonad with the ice cream sundae that has a cockroach in it? And it says something like... it was great, except for this one part, implying that anything bad in a piece of media ruins the whole thing. Kerby relates that when he was taught this, he was like... "that means NOTHING is good because EVERYTHING has something bad in it." Yes, finally, someone who gets it. I look back on how I almost exclusively listened to classical music in my teenage years and I wonder if this was part of my own rigid thinking about how to observe religious instructions to only listen to "uplifting" music.
Kerby develops the idea of essential impurity further in the later chapters, arguing that we cannot remain sinless because simply by living in this world, we are sinning ("the love of money is the root of all evil"; yet we live in a world that requires us to some extent to care about money to survive). This is a good thing, because it kind of takes the pressure off us to be perfect, or to perfectly ask for forgiveness for every bad thing that we do. He discussed how he believes that his compulsions were meaningless, and that God doesn't want us to make weird made-up sacrifices for him: "I'd rather have a bad god send me to hell than worship a god not worth worshipping." He also discusses how personal purity is a false idol, and believes that the way to get around it is to focus his religion outward. I have had to adjust my own religious practice to focus less on my personal "worthiness" and it has improved my spirituality (no Mom, I'm not breaking any commandments).
I'm not sure how to say this without sounding like a jerk. Scrupulosity is a form of religious OCD and it is a chronic condition. Sometimes when Kerby discusses his adjusted religious beliefs, it sounds like the same rigidity, but created to disallow the idea that God wants people to perform scrupulous compulsions. I think it could suffer from some of the same problems as the beginning religious beliefs--that they don't make sense taken to their extreme. If God loves us, he does care about our compulsive behavior, in the sense that he wants us to get help for our mental illnesses. That said, I know a little where Kerby is coming from because of my own struggles to reconcile all the religious teachings I've been taught. This book helped me to recognize when my religious thoughts become unhelpfully obsessive.
I received this book for free from the publisher.
Read
October 27, 2023Recommended by BCC Press. When I initially saw it I thought it was from one of the OCD accounts I follow but realized it was from a Latter Day Saint publishing account I follow instead. I was intrigued to read such a uniquely personal cross of topics and ordered the book immediately.
Fascinating. Parts were very relatable. Hopeful. Comforting to feel understood.
Fascinating. Parts were very relatable. Hopeful. Comforting to feel understood.
July 20, 2025
Excellent insights into scrupulosity from someone who has lived with it. I appreciate his theological reframes and recommended resources. There are a surprising number of editing errors in this book, but the content is worthwhile.
October 25, 2023
I’m a Catholic, but
This book helped me quite a bit, even though it was written by a Mormon. Through Taylor Kirby’s thoughts and words I was able to apply them to my Catholicism and my 50 year plus struggle with OCD and scupulosity. I highly recommend this book and will reread it in my journey to freedom. That you Taylor Kirby!
This book helped me quite a bit, even though it was written by a Mormon. Through Taylor Kirby’s thoughts and words I was able to apply them to my Catholicism and my 50 year plus struggle with OCD and scupulosity. I highly recommend this book and will reread it in my journey to freedom. That you Taylor Kirby!
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews