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12 pages, Audible Audio
First published October 21, 2021




“Your closest friend is a ghost?” he asks, sounding a bit incredulous.
“If you had someone who haunted you, went everywhere with you, and watched you pee on occasion, you’d just give in and make them your friend too.”
I open the first aid kit and look in to see his “wide” selection. “This is what you have?” I ask as I hold up a teeny Band-Aid.
“Yes, you just have to use fifteen of them for a papercut-sized wound,” he says.
“Why the hell didn’t you say that you didn’t have anything and to go to my house?”
“I have Scotch tape if you want it,” he says with a grin.
“To tape your mouth shut?” I grumble.
“Oh! Thank you for the birthday cake,” I say.
He holds his hands up. “I didn’t get it for you, Maddox did, but he’d probably skin your ass if you thanked him, so you’re welcome,” he says.
I look at him in surprise then dread. “Oh no… it looks so good too. There’s poison in this, isn’t there?”
“It depends. Are you going to tell me all of your embarrassing secrets?” I ask. “Dude, I’ve already sat before you while carrying on conversations with imaginary friends, rolled around with imaginary friends, crawled around on the ground after imaginary birds… I’m not sure how much more embarrassment I can take. Oh wait… I also vomited on you.”
“Can you (Natalie, the ghost) go see what Detective Booker is doing?”
“Sure, sure. I’ll be back as quick as a lick of a dick,” she says as she floats upward since homicide is on the second floor. She’s gone not even ten seconds before floating back down.
“He’s in the bathroom and his penis… Hiro… his dick…” Her eyes get extremely wide.
Oh. My. God.
I am being possessed by a ghost. Haunted. Tortured.
“Natalie, go find his desk. See if there’s anything interesting on it.”
She eyes me for a long moment.
“Don’t you want to know how big it is?”
“His desk?” I ask, knowing full well what she’s talking about.
“Dick.” Kind of.
“No! What the hell, Natalie. Go!”
