Sins of My Father: A Daughter, a Cult, a Wild Unravelling

by Lily Dunn

When Lily Dunn was just six years old, her father left the family home to follow his guru to India, trading domestic life for clothes dyed in oranges and reds and the promise of enlightenment with the cult of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. Since then he has been a mystery to her.

She grew up enthralled by the image of him; effervescent, ambitious and elusive, a writer, publisher and entrepreneur, a man who would appear with gifts from faraway places, and with whom she spent the long, hot summers of her teenage years in Italy, in the company of his wild and wealthy friends.

Yet he was also a compulsive liar, a delinquent, a man who abandoned his responsibilities in a pursuit of transcendence that took him from sex addiction, via the Rajneesh cult, to a relentless chase of money, which ended in ruin and finally addiction to alcohol and prescription drugs.

A detective story that charts two colliding narratives, Sins of My Father is a daughter's attempt to unravel the mysteries of a father who believed himself to be beyond reproach. A dazzling work of literary memoir, it asks how deep legacies of shame and trauma run, and if we can reconcile unconditional love with irreparable damage.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, True Crime, Audiobook, Cult Classics

245 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2023

About the author

Lily Dunn is an author, mentor and educator. Her first novel was published by Portobello Books and her memoir about the legacy of her father’s various addictions will be published by Weidenfeld and Nicolson in March 2022. She has personal essays in Granta, Litro, Hinterland, MIRonline and The Real Story, and is a regular writer for Aeon magazine. She is in her final writing up year of her doctorate at Birkbeck, University of London, and is interested in how to integrate the therapeutic power of writing with literature. She is editor of A Wild and Precious Life: a collection of stories and poetry from writers in recovery, published by Unbound in May 2021. She teaches creative writing at Bath Spa University and co-runs London Lit Lab.

Reviews

[Jennie Godfrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had been looking forward to this book, as remember a friends father when I was growing up also became involved in the same cult, but this memoir is about so much more than that. It’s an incredibly moving portrait of a man consumed by addiction, of the relationship between fathers and daughters and of the writers own struggles to find her identity outside of her fathers overwhelming personality and need. It really is very beautifully written and I found myself relating to the experiences as well as learning from them. Highly recommended.

[Felicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a powerful and beautifully written memoir, which was compelling and moving to read throughout. I found the crisp and precise language brought the author’s nuanced and complex experiences to life so vividly, and in a way which was both relatable and touching. I have not read a memoir like this, that integrates research into the subject matter, like this book does. I loved how it brought a literary and novelistic tradition to the narrative, so that it reads less like a confessional memoir, but as a true to life story, which comments poignantly on uncomfortable universal truths. I loved also how the narrative flowed. It read like poetry at times. A beautiful and unusual piece of literature, which I am thrilled to have read. This book will stay with me for a very long time, and it will inspire me, as a writer, to keep pushing the boundaries of what is possible with narrative non fiction. Brilliant.

[Nicola Ranson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well-written and poignant memoir about a daughter's relationship with her narcissistic and alcoholic father who joins the Rajneesh cult. I like how the daughter doesn't write him off, but follows that human urge for connection and understanding so we get to experience, not only her challenges, but some compassion for his. (Or at least I did!) Great character study of a difficult and troubled man.

[Felicia Solomon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautifully written and powerful memoir, that was completely compelling to read from start to finish. I found the crisp and precise language throughout so vivid, and it brought the author’s nuanced and complex experiences to life in a way that were both relatable and touching. I haven’t read a memoir like this, and I loved how it brought a literary/ novelistic tradition to the narrative, so that it read , not as a confessional memoir like many out there, but as a true to life story, which comments poignantly on uncomfortable universal truths about the human condition. An unusual and beautiful piece of literature, which I am thrilled to have read. It will stay with me for a very long time, and it will inspire me to keep pushing the boundaries of what is possible with narrative non fiction. Brilliant.

[Cindy Etherton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will stay with me possibly forever. Illuminating and fascinating. The story is told of a father, mother, their children and the impact of the father's behaviour, decisions and traits on the author and multiple others. Complex factors are explored. The quality of research brought into story was gifted to the reader. All this put together created a magical effect. It changed the way I view certain situations. Loved it.

[Natalie Grand · Rating 5 out of 5]

Captivating book! Written very well. I am the creator of Cult Girls. A newly released Indy, full color graphic novel of 4 women raised and married in the Jehovah's Witness cult. It is a comedic, romantic novel to bring awareness to oppressive cults hindering the education of women and also the shunning process that hurts children and adults, from even their own family members.
Thank you for writing this Lily and for what you provide to the anti-cult community.

[Sabha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was by far one of the best memoirs I have ever read. I devoured it in three days and I have since read it again. Dunn’s story is fascinating and her writing is so clever and touching. Her honesty makes the reader feel as though we know her and her late father with all of his foibles. Can’t recommend it highly enough.

[Brittani Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cult awareness is so important. Loved the book! I am the creator of the educational, romantic graphic novel Cult Girls.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written, this memoir is in turns heart-wrenching, unputdownable, inspiring and very funny. Lily Dunn has a wonderful eye for the significant detail in wild or incongruous situations. So much more than just a personal memoir, fascinating as the rollercoaster of her father’s and her own life may be, it’s how the author threads the individual into the universal that makes it brilliantly illuminating for every life.

It’s a story for our times where hippy parents dusted responsibility from their heels and abandoned themselves to the cult of the Self, without a backward glance at the lives and families they left behind. But as I said, it’s so much more. It’s about family love, the endurance of that love even when stretched to its limit. It’s about hope and betrayal and the wonderful force of life that carries us onwards. This is ultimately a book about love - and so important and timeless.

[Joelle Tamraz · Rating 5 out of 5]

An elegy to the author's narcissistic father, and the daughter's persistent need for his love and recognition.

A deep psychological exploration of the father's damage to himself and to his children by not growing up, by seeing himself as special, above the rest, by not assuming parental responsibility, "the emotional contract between parent and child," as the author calls it.

After focusing on her father, she draws out her compulsion to repeat unhealthy patterns--"We move towards the fire despite knowing it will burn." She excavates the emptiness that precedes and follows dangerous behaviour patterns.

The sins of the father burden the daughter until she finds release and discovers her adult identity. Neither daughter nor wife, not even mother, "she feels her aloneness, but no fear."

[Marielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

While an entertaining read, there are specific factors that prevent you from trusting the story. The narrator's lack of objectivity, sporadic opinions, and a focus on her own growth instead of her father's story makes this book read more of a book to a therapist than a retelling of a father who left his family to join a cult.

[Annette Kane · Rating 5 out of 5]

excellent writing

[Ashlyn Cordas · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book a hard read. However I find the way the author is able to look into herself and understand why she is the way she is works amazingly. At times it felt repetitive but that’s the nature of what her father did to her. Has trigger warnings but a good read.

[Laura-Lee Coombes · Rating 2 out of 5]

A very interesting memior. Felt it was poorly written at times but was a fascinating read

[Joely Collier · Rating 3 out of 5]

Was interesting about addiction.. but was so sad and not really a cute beach read

[Rob1 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book should be listed as a reference under the definition of "daddy issues".

[Elizabeth Leather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written memoir of life with a narcissist father.

[Susan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I chose this book for two reasons - I read more than one review/recommendation likening it to the brilliant 'On Chapel Sands', which I had devoured recently, and because it features a character who became involved in Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh's cult, which has fascinated me since viewing 'Wild, wild country' on Netflix. I didn't know till I got it that it was also reviewed positively by Amy Liptrot, author of another recent favourite 'The Outrun'. But it didn't live up to expectations. Maybe they were too high. It is a memoir by a daughter for a father, who abandoned her, her brother and mother in early childhood to follow the Bhagwan, but in reality to follow a life a dissipation with various women, drugs and, above all, ego and alcohol. There is some nice writing - particularly of good childhood memories with mother and sibling - but far too much, very clunky, psychoanalytical reasoning for her own and her father's actions. Above all, although trying to sell him as a perpetually glamorous figure, at least until his alcoholic descent into destitution, the father comes across as an unmitigated bore and selfish monster. It was too hard for me to take seriously a story with such an horrible man at its centre and I had not a jot of sympathy for him even at the end. I wound up cross even with Lily's long suffering mother, who permitted her vulnerable daughter unfettered access to him even knowing he exposed her to drugs and paedophiles.

[Kate Rae · Rating 3 out of 5]

Subject matter disturbing. Also trying too hard to write poetically at times. Especially last couple of pages, which just didn't make sense to me.

[Pip Murphy · Rating 4 out of 5]

beautifully complex and captivating. so brilliantly written to tug at all the intertwined emotions that come with difficult parent-child relationships.

[Adrienne Flitcroft · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF at page 83.
I just found this way too slow to continue.

[Sheena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such a selfish unlikeable man only a daughter could love and forgive. Objectively the reader can see the foolishness of giving him the benefit of the doubt time after time. I agree with her brother sad though it is he was just an arsehole. I never understand how these people can manage to live in Tuscan villas and Hampstead flats, shop in Harrods and stay in posh hotels even when they haven't a bean to rub together. Self indulgence in the end did for him and his poor cat.

[Lyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I galloped through this book finding much of interest in it: the insights into Bhagwan’s cult, life in 1970’s London, having an alcoholic parent and so on. But I sometimes grew a bit weary of the author’s psychological analysis of her feelings about her father. It’s a big ask to analyse your relationship with a parent in a memoir. But the account of his life, and her childhood and youth, is fascinating.

[Giovanna Walker · Rating 3 out of 5]

My rating has nothing to do with Dunn's personal experiences - that is not for me to criticise or critique, this is about the writing and how the story is told.
The storyline was choppy, and Dunn spent a lot of time trying to explain, or trying to work out what went wrong for him. I felt it could have been shorter (I did read the whole book).
I hope she found out what she was looking for.

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this a very sensitive and thought-provoking memoir. The description of the damaging effect of the hippy/cult/commune generation on itself as well as on the kids who were caught up in it is very strong. Also, this is explicitly an exercise in honesty, which inspires respect, as does Dunn's sensitive treatment of the people who were involved.

[Mrs S L Mayhew-Wilcox · Rating 5 out of 5]

fascinating story poignantly written

I’d watched Wild Wild Country so knew some if this sorry tale already but heard the human side from a duped follower which was very interesting coveted by his daughter. A good read if you’re struggling with drink issues as the author seeks to understand not blame too much. Thought provoking

[David Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to meet the author at the Spitalfields Crypt Trust to tell her how much I admired her frankness in this fearless memoir. It is indeed a wild ride, describing in the father a complex character, at times charming and at others repellent. There is a deeply felt and sensitive depiction of addiction, its impact on the person and those around him/her.

[lefting leftaroo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved how the transition from a book about her father to a book about her reflected the conscious and continued decisions she made to focus on herself and her life rather than her narcissistic father. it lost me with some of the forced flowery language though

[Ben Cook · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful.

[Professor Weasel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this on the train, it was interesting - the chapter about the cult was the best.