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False Assumptions: Relief from Twelve Christian Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy
Did You Grow Up With These Ideas?
- It's selfish to have my needs met.
- If I'm spiritual enough, I will have no pain or sinfulness.
- If I have God, I don't need people.
- Guilt and shame are good for me.
- Just doing the right thing is more important than why I do it.
These false assumptions, often taught by well-meaning Christians, can have devastating effects on the mental, spiritual, and even physical welfare of those who live by them. They seem true because they are taught with religious language in Scripture verses. But they are emotional heresies. False Assumptions identifies 12 teachings that sound plausible because they contain a nugget of truth. At some point, however, when Christians try to apply the truth, a breakdown occurs. The result is needless suffering, shame, and guilt.
This book shows how the Bible, properly understood, brings emotional health and wellness. God and his Word are part of the solution -- not part of the problem. Avoiding the "easy answers" of many self-help books, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend show the way to true spiritual and emotional growth with the same kind of healing wisdom that characterizes their best-selling book, Boundaries.
- It's selfish to have my needs met.
- If I'm spiritual enough, I will have no pain or sinfulness.
- If I have God, I don't need people.
- Guilt and shame are good for me.
- Just doing the right thing is more important than why I do it.
These false assumptions, often taught by well-meaning Christians, can have devastating effects on the mental, spiritual, and even physical welfare of those who live by them. They seem true because they are taught with religious language in Scripture verses. But they are emotional heresies. False Assumptions identifies 12 teachings that sound plausible because they contain a nugget of truth. At some point, however, when Christians try to apply the truth, a breakdown occurs. The result is needless suffering, shame, and guilt.
This book shows how the Bible, properly understood, brings emotional health and wellness. God and his Word are part of the solution -- not part of the problem. Avoiding the "easy answers" of many self-help books, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend show the way to true spiritual and emotional growth with the same kind of healing wisdom that characterizes their best-selling book, Boundaries.
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First published January 1, 1994
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767 people want to read
About the author
Henry Cloud
210 books2,181 followersDr. Cloud has written or co-written twenty-five books, including the two million-seller Boundaries. His most recent books are Boundaries for Leaders and Necessary Endings. He has earned three Gold Medallion awards, and was awarded the distinguished Retailers Choice award for God Will Make A Way.
As president of Cloud-Townsend Resources, Dr. Cloud has produced and conducted hundreds of public seminars around the country. He speaks on relationships—marriage, parenting, dating, personal growth, and spirituality. His seminars are often broadcast live to over two thousand venues at a time.
As president of Cloud-Townsend Resources, Dr. Cloud has produced and conducted hundreds of public seminars around the country. He speaks on relationships—marriage, parenting, dating, personal growth, and spirituality. His seminars are often broadcast live to over two thousand venues at a time.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews
May 30, 2018
Excellent advice that busts through a lot of beliefs many of us, even non-Christians, take for granted.
January 10, 2018
This book would've been perfect, had I read it when it came out in 1995. All 12 of these non-Christian beliefs were commonplace growing up. As an adult, we now parody many of these word-for-word. "Just give it to God" or "I can solve this by praying and going to church more." This isn't to say that Christian culture as a whole doesn't still struggle with holdovers of these beliefs. However, they do not seem to have as widespread acceptance as they did over 20 years ago.
I love Henry Cloud and believe that a lot of Christianity can benefit from insights learned from counseling. That being said, in the books of his that I've read, he has a horrible habit of Biblical proof-texting. That is to say, he finds some truth that he learns in counseling and then in order to hand that truth to a Christian audience, he uses out of context scriptures to give himself the authority. While I think a lot of what he's saying is true, anyone can play this game. Hence why I'm not a fan of proof-texting.
Finally, several of these beliefs are rehashed again, in a way I much preferred, in his book on Boundaries.
Overall, I did like some material for this book, but I ended up quitting less than halfway through because of the issues mentioned above.
Here are the 12 myths:
1: It's selfish to have my needs met
2: If I'm spiritual enough, I will have no pain or sinfulness
3: If I change my behavior, I will grow emotionally and spiritually
4: I just need to give it to the Lord
5: One Day I'll be finished with recovery
6: Leave the past behind
7: If I have God, I don't need people
8: 'Shoulds' are good
9: Guilt and Shame are good for me
10: If I make right choices, I will grow spiritually
11: Just doing the right thing is more important than why I do it
12: If I know the truth, I will grow
I love Henry Cloud and believe that a lot of Christianity can benefit from insights learned from counseling. That being said, in the books of his that I've read, he has a horrible habit of Biblical proof-texting. That is to say, he finds some truth that he learns in counseling and then in order to hand that truth to a Christian audience, he uses out of context scriptures to give himself the authority. While I think a lot of what he's saying is true, anyone can play this game. Hence why I'm not a fan of proof-texting.
Finally, several of these beliefs are rehashed again, in a way I much preferred, in his book on Boundaries.
Overall, I did like some material for this book, but I ended up quitting less than halfway through because of the issues mentioned above.
Here are the 12 myths:
1: It's selfish to have my needs met
2: If I'm spiritual enough, I will have no pain or sinfulness
3: If I change my behavior, I will grow emotionally and spiritually
4: I just need to give it to the Lord
5: One Day I'll be finished with recovery
6: Leave the past behind
7: If I have God, I don't need people
8: 'Shoulds' are good
9: Guilt and Shame are good for me
10: If I make right choices, I will grow spiritually
11: Just doing the right thing is more important than why I do it
12: If I know the truth, I will grow
July 27, 2011
So this book didn't tell me anything I didn't know, but for someone who's been in the church a while and has been brainwashed by stupid, well-meaning people who say idiotic things like "you must not be praying hard enough or God would have intervened for you," it's a very practical, truth-filled book. Cloud addresses lots of dumb things Christians say to each other and exposes them for the crap they are by backing up his reasons with scripture. It's really good. I'm sending it to my mom.
February 12, 2018
If you are thirsting for freedom and life in the Christian faith, this book could shake away some rusty, heavy cobwebbed chains that hold you down. And you will be relieved to find that those chains didn't even bind you, they were just wrapped around you and weighing you down -- and God will be the first one to help remove them.
Lies, false assumptions, and misuse of Scripture -- even by those so well-intentioned -- are the chains. Be free!
Lies, false assumptions, and misuse of Scripture -- even by those so well-intentioned -- are the chains. Be free!
May 29, 2017
I think the points brought up in this book are important. The "truth" behind these beliefs are what set me free and dramatically changed my relationship with Christ a few years ago. When I first realized these, well intentioned but false, beliefs it was a huge eye opener to me. I listened to the audio version of this book so that may play a factor in my review. I rated it lower than I would have liked because it seemed a little dry and perhaps less effective at communicating the points. For the content and what it's at least trying to say, I would definitely give it 5 Stars - I think it's important for every Christian to hear and understand.
I also appreciate that it's written by Christian psychologists who can approach from both the "practical" (I.e. Counseling) perspective as well as the "Christian" ( spiritual) perspective. The writers are not saying these particular beliefs are lies, but rather that they have to be seen in a big picture - understanding context of scripture as well as complexities of situations. Yes, prayer and relationship with God is important but some things need to be worked through, AND people are part of God's solution to the believer; not just prayer and bible reading. Knowledge without application is fruitless.
I also appreciate that it's written by Christian psychologists who can approach from both the "practical" (I.e. Counseling) perspective as well as the "Christian" ( spiritual) perspective. The writers are not saying these particular beliefs are lies, but rather that they have to be seen in a big picture - understanding context of scripture as well as complexities of situations. Yes, prayer and relationship with God is important but some things need to be worked through, AND people are part of God's solution to the believer; not just prayer and bible reading. Knowledge without application is fruitless.
March 22, 2009
Not a bad book, but I just didn't find it all that interesting as most of the issues dealt with I had seen dealt with better in other books (and the use of scripture in this book wasn't particularly well done). However if you're looking for a book that covers a lot of wrong things Christians believe at a high level, this is the book.
July 3, 2012
One of the most life changing books for many of my patients. Breaks the grip that rigid, rules based Christianity can have on people and leads them to a faith with Relationship and Values as its core beliefs and attitude.
September 27, 2014
Every Christian should read this. I have had many well intentioned people reinforce these incorrect belief. I think this would make a great small g OUP discussion.
November 13, 2017
I feel like this is a rough draft version of the Boundaries book. It's interesting, Boundaries is much smoother and better written.
September 21, 2024
Perhaps the most important lesson that Christians (to whom this book is specifically directed) can learn from this book is that becoming a Christian does not automatically insulate them from spiritual or emotional turmoil; nor is it a panacea for all life’s problems and challenges. The assumptions addressed here are all attempts to deal the the fact that the old “sin nature” is still present and that just because someone is a Christian does not mean that he or she is free from needs and vulnerabilities and always makes the right choice between right and wrong and can go skipping merrily along the narrow path leading to the Kingdom of Heaven. Any one of these assumptions can easily become an obsession and a spiritual stumbling block, and the advice given in each section will go a long way toward helping readers not fall into these traps.
More attention could have been paid to the question of how to deal diplomatically (or perhaps not!) with people who constantly criticize or give probably-unwanted advice relating to the 12 assumptions. Are they simply trying to help? Do they have a mean and critical spirit, striving to establish a sense of superiority since they are not affected (as they see it) by the particular assumption? Or are they trying to manipulate or emotionally blackmail or control because they want something? A judgment must be made, perhaps based on simple common sense (which is often just as efficacious as professional counseling) as to the soundness of the advice. This reviewer feels that in all these cases, a distancing from the advice-giver, to a greater or lesser degree depending on circumstances, would be appropriate—perhaps a bit harsh, but nevertheless necessary in order to prevent the development of a codependent relationship.
Another disappointment is that no attention was paid to a response typically given when a prayer request (most often for physical healing) is not answered: “You didn’t have enough faith.” This can be discouraging, hurtful or even insulting, depending on the spirit in which the response is given. Perhaps the authors avoided this issue because trying to quantify faith and decide how much faith is necessary from one occasion or issue to the next is like trying to dig a hole in the ocean. Perhaps the authors will deal with this question in a future volume devoted exclusively to this subject, since the response of “not enough faith” is just as widespread, if not more so, than those discussed in the present work.
***** review by Chuck Graham *****
More attention could have been paid to the question of how to deal diplomatically (or perhaps not!) with people who constantly criticize or give probably-unwanted advice relating to the 12 assumptions. Are they simply trying to help? Do they have a mean and critical spirit, striving to establish a sense of superiority since they are not affected (as they see it) by the particular assumption? Or are they trying to manipulate or emotionally blackmail or control because they want something? A judgment must be made, perhaps based on simple common sense (which is often just as efficacious as professional counseling) as to the soundness of the advice. This reviewer feels that in all these cases, a distancing from the advice-giver, to a greater or lesser degree depending on circumstances, would be appropriate—perhaps a bit harsh, but nevertheless necessary in order to prevent the development of a codependent relationship.
Another disappointment is that no attention was paid to a response typically given when a prayer request (most often for physical healing) is not answered: “You didn’t have enough faith.” This can be discouraging, hurtful or even insulting, depending on the spirit in which the response is given. Perhaps the authors avoided this issue because trying to quantify faith and decide how much faith is necessary from one occasion or issue to the next is like trying to dig a hole in the ocean. Perhaps the authors will deal with this question in a future volume devoted exclusively to this subject, since the response of “not enough faith” is just as widespread, if not more so, than those discussed in the present work.
***** review by Chuck Graham *****
January 20, 2025
The first review I read of this book said it was dated and no one says these things anymore - which made me chuckle. I’ve had almost all of these things said to me from someone at church in the last few years. This book is amazing. This book is also probably not for everyone. If you haven’t experienced some the things others in this book have experienced, it’s going to seem like a big “well duh.”
What I loved about this book the most was its faithful interpretation of scripture. Some said they were proof texting and I don’t agree. This is not an exhaustive Bible study, getting into every verse that deals with these sayings. That book would be ridiculous. What they’re doing here is getting at the heart of what it means to be a Christian. Too often, we’re trying to make the outside of the cup clean while ignoring the inside. We have a form of godliness but our insides are a mess. Many beautiful, well-meaning people say things in an attempt to help others that are not only unscriptural but are also dangerous and legalistic. It always makes me wonder, what are we really afraid of? If someone is struggling through an issue, are we afraid it will make God or Christianity look bad? If so, have we actually read the rest of the Bible? It’s all a mess.
We’re whole people and healing needs to be holistic as well. Who cares if someone does the right things but has no peace on the inside?
I could go on and on. lol
What I loved about this book the most was its faithful interpretation of scripture. Some said they were proof texting and I don’t agree. This is not an exhaustive Bible study, getting into every verse that deals with these sayings. That book would be ridiculous. What they’re doing here is getting at the heart of what it means to be a Christian. Too often, we’re trying to make the outside of the cup clean while ignoring the inside. We have a form of godliness but our insides are a mess. Many beautiful, well-meaning people say things in an attempt to help others that are not only unscriptural but are also dangerous and legalistic. It always makes me wonder, what are we really afraid of? If someone is struggling through an issue, are we afraid it will make God or Christianity look bad? If so, have we actually read the rest of the Bible? It’s all a mess.
We’re whole people and healing needs to be holistic as well. Who cares if someone does the right things but has no peace on the inside?
I could go on and on. lol
July 9, 2019
Cette oeuvre est intéressante de par sa construction, ce livre est fondé sur 12 piliers que l’auteur s‘efforce de déconstruire, il va aller de manière méthodique montrer à chaque fois la subtilité de l’erreur et seulement ensuite proposer une alternative plus correcte. Deux choses m’ont marqué essentiellement, la première c’est l’importance de l’action et la deuxième la place des autres. L’ouvrage couvre principalement les thèmes de la croissance spirituelle et émotionnelle, pour l’auteur la communauté joue un rôle majeur dans le processus de rétablissement, il met une emphase de taille sur l’action que l’homme entreprend vers les autres et entre autres les spécialistes de la relation d’aide. Pour lui la croissance est fortement ancrée dans l’échange humain et le partage communautaire. Un ouvrage que je recommande à quiconque veut être une source de repos pour son entourage.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 23, 2018
I greatly appreciated this book as I have either been taught or heard teachings my entire life based on the crazy making beliefs dispelled in this book. It is amazing that we can spend our lives living by and believing in such silly rules and regulations.
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July 23, 2019
Quite a helpful read. Looks at the gospel through beliefs that sound good, but are actually unbiblical. For many of them, I found myself at least partially embracing them in the past. This book does a nice job of articulately and dismantling them.
November 21, 2019
Crazy beliefs
I love how the authors explained all the biases that many churches implant to their congregation to control people. It's a relief to know that life and the Christian life is a journey where continuous growing takes place .
I love how the authors explained all the biases that many churches implant to their congregation to control people. It's a relief to know that life and the Christian life is a journey where continuous growing takes place .
December 16, 2019
Excellent book for anyone who wants to follow Christ while seeking to escape the abusive mindset so prevalent in many churches. I couldn't believe how many of these "Christian" beliefs had been taught from the pulpits in churches I've attended. It made so much of my life make sense.
April 30, 2018
Even though this book was published over 20 years ago, all 12 of these "Christian" beliefs exist in the church today in various forms.
August 28, 2018
This is a helpful book from Cloud and Townsend. I should have read with more focus, seeking to apply its lessons as I went through it.
May 22, 2020
What you know about your Bible is not enough, what you do from your Bible is the important thing
August 2, 2023
Excellent. Very helpful
March 20, 2017
I could not have read this book at a better time. Lots of changes in my life that I learned to deal with much better instead of heeding the "Christian" teachings that were about to drive me crazy! Listen to the audio edition sample. Good stuff!
June 20, 2023
A Great Read to illuminate Truth
There’s always different perspectives out there, but this is the one that leads to freedom from the unhealthy ones people can take. But don’t take my word for it, read it for yourself!
There’s always different perspectives out there, but this is the one that leads to freedom from the unhealthy ones people can take. But don’t take my word for it, read it for yourself!
June 26, 2009
Henry Cloud and John Townsend do an excellent job exposing some of the nonBiblical advice that well-meaning Christian pastors and teachers often give.
They explore statements such as, "It is wrong to do good things for yourself," "Shoulds are good," and "Guilt and shame can be good." They examine these statements in light of God's Word and explain how wrongly applying them can negatively affect emotional health and healing.
I often found myself reading the "crazymaker" and saying, "But, wait, that is Biblical." But, as I read on, I saw how the wrong application of some of those statements can be really devastating. I was challenged to examine things I've always heard and accepted in light of God's Word- always the best place to go to find the truth.
They explore statements such as, "It is wrong to do good things for yourself," "Shoulds are good," and "Guilt and shame can be good." They examine these statements in light of God's Word and explain how wrongly applying them can negatively affect emotional health and healing.
I often found myself reading the "crazymaker" and saying, "But, wait, that is Biblical." But, as I read on, I saw how the wrong application of some of those statements can be really devastating. I was challenged to examine things I've always heard and accepted in light of God's Word- always the best place to go to find the truth.
February 7, 2017
This book is awesome - rebuttles every little ridiculous "Christian" belief and statements that are thrown at people from self-righteous Christians.
June 27, 2011
For someone with a 'churched' background, this book was invaluable in clarifying some of the typical misconceptions of scripture that are often passed on by well-meaning Christians, pastors or not. Oftentimes trying to reconcile certain Biblical 'teachings' with your real life experiences IS crazy-making. Should be in every Christian's personal library: if not for you, then to help you understand where others may be getting hung up.
January 28, 2008
I would recommend this book to anyone who has been in the Christian church long enough to have been taught some false applications from the Bible. One example is "it is selfish to have my needs met." The authors explain why these assumptions were developed, but more importantly, what the Bible really has to say about each one.
October 4, 2023
This is an excellent book that will free you from a number of spiritually debilitating falsehoods that hinder your growth. Get out of the strongholds of legalistic garbage. This is a well-thought-out, well-written book that is an easy read and very relatable. We all can identify with these common struggles. Now get free of them!
February 12, 2014
Very easy and concise read that practically deals with several false assumptions that I have heard personally during my life as a Christian. Highly recommended to those who want to further their walk with God at a deep level and for those in recovery from compulsive and addictive behaviors.
May 2, 2016
This was a great book full of lots of wise words and helpful information. I've struggled with many of these and it helped a lot to see a different perspective. I'm planning to read more by this author since I struggle with many of the things he writes about.
April 26, 2008
The title speaks for itself. We believe false truth with good intention. This book freed me from rigid thinking that kept me stuck for many years. FREEDOM!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews