Swimming for My Life: A Memoir

by Kim Fairley

Former elite swimmer Kim Fairley smashed national records, competed in the Olympic Trials, was the second woman ever to receive a full scholarship for swimming at USC, and trained alongside some of the greatest swimmers of her time. But at what cost?

In Swimming for My Life, Fairley tells the riveting true story of what she—and many other elite and female swimmers—endured on their teams. From abusive coaches and workouts that stretched the limits of what the body could endure to daily weigh-ins and extreme dieting, her journey brought not only triumph but also trauma. And the trauma was not limited to the pool: at home, Fairley and her four younger siblings were often left alone to fend for themselves, without even money for food, as their neglectful and emotionally immature parents traveled the Midwest selling imported wooden ornaments from their motorhome.

A peek into the dark side of elite swimming as well as a tale of family bonds, Swimming for My Life offers a rare, up-close look at struggles that are often obscured, and how the very events that scar us most deeply can also save our lives.

Genres: Sports, Memoir

352 pages, Paperback

Published October 11, 2022

Reviews

[Coral Medina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this memoir. It is heart breaking and angering, and Kim does a great job of helping you feel the weight she felt her whole swimming lifetime. I felt a tinge of sad nostalgia with her athletic career ending, while remembering mine as well. Highly recommend if you like memoirs/ true accounts.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent memoir that follows a young girl that as early as the age of nine was pushed to become a competitive swimmer, all the way through high school, college, and then on to the Olympic trials. Success came at a cost, with abusive coaches, unhealthy workouts and diets and a dysfunctional family pushing her to the edge of her mental and physical capacity. There are similar memoirs of neglect and abuse and most paint a very obvious black and white picture of victim and villain. What is refreshing about this story is that Kim Fairley draws a fine balance between the love and respect she has for her family and even her abusive coaches and the anger she feels over their manipulative, self-motivations. She also does a great job of showing us the close relationship between an athlete's high points during victory and the agony it takes to get there and the feeling of defeat when you know you have to cut your losses and let others down. It's flows quickly through each phase of her swimming career and not easy to put down.

[Frances Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must confess that Kim was a member of my high school class. It was a huge class - about 400 students - and we did not know each other well, but we just saw each other at our reunion. She graciously gave me a copy when I expressed an interest in reading it. I had already read and loved Shooting Out the Lights.

Since I'd flown to Cincinnati for the reunion, I had some time at the Greater Cincinnati airport while waiting for my return flight to Oregon. I meant to take a quick peruse of the book while I waited at my gate. What I thought would be a quick look turned into a reading marathon. It's a cliche, but I could not put it down. This is a thoroughly engrossing read, as I'm sure it would have been even if I had no acquaintance with the author.

The story is riveting and the writing style is what I call "clean," meaning it's clear and it flows smoothly; there's no bullshit or ornamentation, but it's also not terse. She writes with clarity and candor about the challenges she faced from coaches, teammates, and her family dynamic, and manages to do so without self-pity.

When I finished the book, I was not ready to pick up another one and start right in reading another story. This book caused me to take some time to reflect on how I spent my own youth - the choices I made, the choices my parents made for me, and the things foregone because of those choices. I suspect many others who read this book will have a similar after-effect, especially because Kim does a bit of introspection in the last two chapters. It seems to invite the reader to do the same.

I always say that I read for four reasons, and they all happen to start with the letter E - entertainment, escape, education, and enrichment. I give this book the highest marks in all of those categories, but particularly, enrichment. I'm grateful that this book came into my life. Highly, highly recommended.

[D J McKay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recently read and thoroughly enjoyed Kim Fairley’s memoir, “Swimming For My Life”. Since one of my sons is dating a woman swimmer on a college scholarship, I wanted some insight into a sport that I never paid much attention to other than during the Olympics. I found the book enlightening and entertaining. The story of the author’s upbring as one of five very young children raising themselves, while the parents were traveling salespeople, was at times hilarious in the vein of “Little Miss Sunshine” with the kids writing checks to cover expenses and treating home struggles as adventures in the absence of adults. However, it was also heartbreaking to hear of the injuries and calamities that the father dismissed as experience that made the kids tougher, even though the neglect would have justified a CPS visit nowadays. The author’s path as a competitive swimmer and national champion was extremely educational because I learned about the quirky coaches, the hours and hours of brutal practices that competitive swimmers have to deal with from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood. The book, via the description of the author’s father, also forced me to examine some of my own sins as the parent of an athlete son as it’s easy to allow our pride to blind us to the fact that our offspring often have their own dreams that may not include another title or championship. Too often, parents of high achievers push too hard to feed our fantasies of success rather than listen to the needs of our children and respect their wishes. As a wise person once said “God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.” All in all, I found the book to be very informative, absorbing and a very worthwhile read.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Won a digital copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway. 4.25/4.5 stars rounded up to 5!

*Tiny spoiler below*

I was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to read this memoir! It flowed well and was quite engaging. I had anticipated a BIG EVENT involving Paul Bergen or one of the other male coaches to happen; of course, as this is nonfiction, it’s a good thing nothing did in terms of Kim's experience (!), but given the tense build up, I felt a little deflated that the story simply moved on to following her at university. (Arguably, we could have learned more about things at the end when she does mention Bergen again, but this is HER story, so I can see why it wasn't a priority/focus.)

That said, the author does a fantastic job at slowly and meticulously sketching a nuanced, vivid picture of both her childhood and young adulthood, and as a reader I felt wonderfully invested in her story. I really enjoyed this read and would recommend it to folks in the swimming world as well as those of us on the outside. I now have a much better understanding of the sports world for young folks (children and university-age alike) and how sports often function as great extracurriculars but can simultaneously serve as manifestations of parents' and society's unhealthy and, frankly, dangerous expectations for others, particularly concerning perceptions of determination, resilience, dedication, commitment, etc. On this note, I was glad to read of Kim's "breakdown" (for lack of a better word), as though she wanted to pretend it didn't happen at the time, acknowledging it and trying to unpack its cause and effect on her life and the lives of those around her, especially her family, helps normalize how detrimental sports can be in addition to all of the positives.

[Roxann · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book left me with an uneasy feeling of sadness. It is mostly the story of five children who were born to narcissistic parents, who basically abandoned them; verbally, emotionally and mentally abused them and, and there are hints of sexual abuse to some degree. The author continually tries to please her parents, which is an impossible goal. They revel in her success, but really that seems more like the parents patting themselves on the back for the great job they feel they have done. The author continually makes excuses for her mother and father as we await a light at the end of a tunnel, which never really comes. Even on page 340, she write, "I cannot stop loving my parents for the gifts they gave us," and she lists speaking her mind, humor and material to write about. But, these are not gifts--they are defense mechanisms to ensure survival.

While the author credits the abuse of her coaches in swimming (all but the USC coach, "Pokey") and her horrible family life as making her strong and able to tackle adversity, it misses the point that mental health, and an upbringing without mental and emotional abuse, would have prepared her better to handle those issues.

The family photo at the end of the book, all smiles, seems inappropriate when I now know the story behind the parents. Even at the end of their lives the parents had no realization of the neglect and abandonment they forced on their children.

I gave it four stars because Fairley's writing is exceptional and it is her story to tell even though it is a difficult story to read. I think she tells the story honestly and doesn't hold back with the truth, and for that she deserves the four stars.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kim Fairley has written the must-read memoir for any parent whose child is or aspires to be a top level athlete and the athletes themselves. Her distinguished career in swimming at the highest levels provides insights to the consequences of parents handling a talented athlete badly. Even if Kim had not been an athlete, her parent's absence to go on business trips was neglectful to such young children and put responsibility on the kids way beyond their years. Kim grew into an adult who has worked decades to be able to tell this story. As the mom of two college level athletes, I look back and see both the sacrifices my kids made as well as the incredible life skills they gained in time management, organization skills, navigating difficult situations and the maturity to handle it all. But it could have easily gone sideways and there are parenting lessons to be learned from Kim's story. Highly recommend Swimming for My Life."

[Juliet Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love swimming auto/biographies and memoirs- and this is excellent.

It makes a refreshing change to read about a non-olympian. Usually only gold medal winning Olympians are deemed publishable. Although KP was an elite swimmer who swam to a very high level, her story is all the more relatable to me as a former age grouper because she's NOT some ex-Olympian telling a PR-approved glossy tale of glory.... This story REALLY and HONESTLY expresses what it is like to be "A Swimmer".

Sure, I would have enjoyed more swimming details... race times, training sets, yardage etc but not at the expense of the dysfunctional family relationships. I grew up in the 70s and parents were much less involved in their children's lives than they are today, but Kim Peters suffered enormous neglect and abuse, even by 70s standards.

Great writing (the beach lifeguard trial swimmers "a monstrous shoal of men"), a great read, a great addition to my collection of swimming auto/biographies.

[Anna Suttle · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 ½ ⭐️

As someone who grew up swimming competitively in Ohio, so much of this book mirrored my own experiences; pool decks, brutal workouts (hello 👋 OG 4-mile IM🪦), and a social world that revolved entirely around the sport. I recognized places, routines, and the unspoken understanding that swimming isn’t just something you do, it’s who you are.

What made the story truly heavy, though, was Kim’s home life. Financial instability, an abusive father, blurred and uncomfortable boundaries, disordered eating, and adult responsibilities placed on a child all shaped her experience outside the water. Swimming wasn’t just a sport—it was an escape, a structure, and sometimes the only place she felt safe.

I did find myself rushing through the ending because it felt like the story couldn’t quite find a conclusion. Overall, it’s a thoughtful, reflective memoir that will resonate most with competitive swimmers. 🏊🏼‍♀️

[Evelyn LaTorre]

Ever wonder what the life of an elite athlete might be like? Swim alongside the author year-by-year from age four to adulthood and you’ll find out. Kim spent some seventeen years in chlorine pools, with a few dips in the Pacific Ocean. Ironically, in terms of enjoyment, the latter body surfing adventures outweighed the thousands of structured practices, anxiety-producing competitions, and harsh directives—barked at her by demanding coaches and an abusive father. Metaphors such as “we were like two halves of a broken vase glued together in a somewhat fragile way,” delighted this reader. I felt Kim’s tension and angst through each new challenge. The author’s insights into the dysfunctions of both her family and those in the competitive swimming community is eye-opening. When, like me, readers drown themselves in this book for a day, I suspect that they’ll rarely want to surface for air.

[Georgiacyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

When a memoir is filled with quotes, it feels to me like it is a novel, and often a YA novel. My gut reaction to this is to not trust the author. In my opinion, this author far overuses quotes, many dating back over 50 years. I don't see how they can all be accurate. I would have found it far more relatable if she summarized situations in her own voice. She alludes to a many serious situations, but never explains them in depth. This leaves me with the feeling that this book was therapeutic for her to write, but that she forgot about the audience. I really wanted to love this book, since I was a swimmer not long after this timeframe and could strongly relate to what the summary portends the author will describe. Instead I found myself thinking that she was far off the mark. While I find most books by swimmers and other athletes to be very interesting, this one missed the mark for me.

[Linda Sienkiewicz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Memoirist Kim Fairley takes a deep look into what created her obsession for a sport she initially dislikes. At first she swims to please her alcoholic father. Over time, she discovers an elite swim team gives her the structure and discipline she doesn't get from her pre-occupied parents, who are on the road for weeks at a time, leaving five children under the age of ten to fend for themselves. Eventually swimming becomes an escape when she finds her determination and strength can survive her father’s drunken badgering and a demanding coach’s theatrics. As a young adult, though, Kim wonders, when will it ever be enough? Beautifully written, compelling, and heartbreaking, yet triumphant, this memoir will have you cheering for Kim as she dives for her last swim.

[Peg Conway · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kim Fairley's exploration of her childhood and adolescence as a competitive swimmer takes the reader on a journey to self-understanding and healing. Besides the rigors of her sport, Fairley faced significant challenges from her abusive and neglectful parents, relying on her close-knit siblings for stability. Written with wonderful detail and searing honesty, the book invites parents, coaches, and others who work with young people to consider if they are listening to them and responding to their actual needs rather than pursuing the adults' agenda. It also sheds interesting light on the growth of swimming as a national sport during her years of participation, both the high points and the dark sides.

[Karli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kim Fairley's new memoir gripped me from the outset. I often found myself holding my breath, and not just during the grueling swim workouts the author so vividly depicts. The descriptions of life in the fast lane of competitive swimming had me right there with her--I could almost smell the chlorine-- and her portrayal of life at home as the eldest child of neglectful parents who often left her and her four siblings alone for weeks at a time, made me weep for the childhood innocence her upbringing never allowed. This story of neglect, abuse and--ultimately--resilience, by a talented and perceptive writer, will stay with you long after the last page. Highly recommended.

[Anna Lynch · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a former high school swimmer (with little talent and a non-demanding coach), Kim’s account was captivating. I continue to swim near daily decades later - unlike her - and in no small part attribute (and am grateful for) that to my lax early swimming career. My heart broke for her often, but more often wanted to cheer and hug her on.
A thought-provoking and fast read for a memoir-lover interested in mental health and the details of swimming, down to yardage and splits, like me, but likely too niche for the average reader.

[Abbie Read]

This is such a well written, attention getting memoir of childhood by the author of Shooting Out The Lights. I found the story both fascinating and appalling, a riveting mix, due to the dysfunction of the parents in their parenting of their five children. How they all survive without mishap is due to the caring parenting of the children. I read this book in one day, absorbing the details and not able to put it down.

[Dory · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very readable memoir, somewhat reminiscent of The Glass Castle in terms of the impact of dysfunctional parents on their children.I was struck by Fairley's analysis of her upbringing, such as it was, and the endless demands of her career in swimming at the highest levels; she notes that her memoir is impacted by 40 years worth of distance and therapy, and indeed the therapeutic element runs through the entire book. I think the book could have benefitted by a bit tighter editing.

[Gretchen Staebler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kim Fairley has written a stunning book of childhood trauma and neglect in the name of parental love, and of the sport of competitive swimming at the time of Title IX. Swimming for My Life is every bit the page turner Jeanette Walls' memoirs are. A magnificently written story of courage and resilience, I loved this book.

[Holly Kersten · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars for the author's ability to confront and make sense of the intense turmoil in her early years. Seems author still is going through emotional, spiritual and physical healing today. It seems AAU nor USA swimming will ever give all victims justice. Author also validated some of my experiences as a young swimmer in the late 197o's early 198o's. All my thanks to the author!

[John Schwarz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kim Fairley’s Swimming for My Life is a coming of age story that gives a peek into the dark side of elite competitive swimming with coaches crossing the line to abuse and a family struggling to stay afloat…I couldn’t put this one down. Highly recommend!!!

[Patti Eddington · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this memoir, although it was uncomfortable to read at times; so much sympathy for that little, resilient, girl. An engrossing, cautionary tale about what is asked of young people training to be elite athletes.

[Karyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting book since I grew up in Cincinnati as well as in a swimming home and swam myself until the age of 15. My sister was a high school state competitor and college swimmer so I knew the names of a lot of these people.

[sophie marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

i liked this book it was just a little long for me

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

The story of a dysfunctional family and the young woman that becomes an elite swimmer.

[Ellie Kraemer]

As a former swimmer, I really enjoyed this

[Kelley Holland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Swimming For My Life draws you in gradually, starting in the shallow end of the pool and gently leading you deeper. The financial stress Kim Fairley's parents faced led them to a life on the road selling goods from their motor home - despite their having five young children. As the oldest, Fairley had to step up at home, even as her parents were urging the kids to take up swimming at a local pool. Elite swimming became a way of life for Fairley and with it, rigid self-discipline and unyielding drive - until life intervened in a brutal way. Honest and unflinching, this memoir is hard to put down.

[Katie Peters · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who doesn’t typically read/enjoy memoirs, I really enjoyed this one. The family dynamics are fascinating and the story is unique. I couldn’t put it down!

[Patricia Grayhall · Rating 5 out of 5]

With an overbearing, abusive, alcoholic father and an acquiescent mother, Kim the oldest of five children sought refuge in the mind-numbing, exhausting rigor of competitive swimming. The children often left alone to fend for themselves, Kim longed for a parent to provide nurture and structure. Instead, she found the structure, but not the nurture in a swimming culture that was abusive and sometimes bizarre. Fairley’s writing seamlessly pulls you into her world telling her story of dedication, endurance, and the hardship of competitive swimming as she strives to please her intrusive father and volatile coach. Though swimming robbed her of a normal childhood, it partially shielded her from her dysfunctional family and gave her the strength to resist. With the suspense reminiscent of Boys in the Boat, Fairley weaves her story with captivating detail as we follow her rocky coming of age and root for her triumph both in and out of the water.