Mrs. Robert E. Lee: The Lady of Arlington

by John Perry

Many know about her husband, Robert E. Lee, and her great-grandmother, Martha Washington; many have visited the cemetery that now occupies her family estate. But few today know much about Mary Custis Lee herself. Chronically ill and often in excruciating pain, Mary raised seven children, faithfully witnessing to her husband for years before his conversion. She retained her dignity and faith throughout a fruitless, heartbreaking attempt to win compensation for the confiscation of her home and possessions. History is never more powerful than when it provides a role model for enduring hardship with sturdy and radiant faith. Mary Custis Lee is such an example.

Genres: Biography, History, Nonfiction, Civil War, American History

400 pages, Paperback

First published June 29, 2001

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

John Perry has coauthored books with John MacArthur, Richard Land, Mike Huckabee, among others and written historical books about Charles Colson, the Scopes Monkey Trials, and more. He is a two-time Gold Medallion Award finalist and lives in Nashville, Tennessee.

Reviews

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. Mrs. Lee was a very strong, courageous and interesting woman. She had 7 children and her husband was often away; that alone makes anyone strong in my book. The saga of her family home of Arlington was so sad and has piqued my interest; I will certainly visit there the next time I'm in DC.

The patriotism shown by her father, who was raised by George Washington, and by Mary are refreshing. Patriotism barely exists anymore and what does resembles little of Mary's brand of it. What a nice book to read during my Independence Day celebration.

Here are words by George Washington Custis, Mary's father. They speak of a type of patriotism and love of country that is rarely seen now:

"When the right of opinion, the liberty of speech, and the liberty of the press are prostrated at the feet of lawless power, the citadel of freedom must soon surrender...Near the cradle of my sleeping child stands the musket and bayonet; near the pillow of my wife the sharpened sabre. And why? Because I will enjoy freedom of speech and the liberty of the press - those sacred privileges I inhaled with my first breath, and will only lose with my last!"

Mary was also a devout Christian. She prayed for her husband, Robert E. Lee and for her children, whom all eventually became followers of Jesus:

"You must pray for your sister & for your brothers who are out of the fold of Christ. Think what a happiness to your Mother to be able to present all of her children at the throne of God & to be able to say, 'Here I am Lord & the children Thou hast given me.' Pray for your Mother that she may be more faithful in her prayers & example..."

Mary had much tragedy, illness, disability and sadness in her life, yet was always described as cheerful and giving.

[Stefanie Robinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mary Anna Custis was the daughter of George Washington Pike Custis, a grandson of Martha Washington. She married Robert E. Lee, her third cousin, at the home of her parents: Arlington. Many people assume that Robert E. Lee built and owned Arlington, but that is not the case. Despite the fact that they were cousins and came from many prominent colonial families, Arlington came into the Lee's possession through Mrs. Lee. She was very interested in politics, and was well educated, which helped her debate and understand a variety of topics. She was deeply religious, and fiercely loyal. She enjoyed painting, and many of her paintings are still on display at Arlington. She did not participate in abolitionism, but did educate her slaves and did support abolition in theory. It is unfortunate that her husband was her husband.

Since my current classes are about American Slavery and African American history, and my upcoming class is about the Civil War, I have been trying to get through what remains of my unread Civil War era books. I have had this one for quite some time, and I am glad to be getting the rest of these off my shelf and out of my house in preparation to move. The book was informative and provided an interesting history of Arlington before it became a National Cemetery. I would love to visit one day, and it is definitely on my 1000 Cemeteries Bucket List.

[Louis Craig · Rating 4 out of 5]

This biography is a good match for me since I was raised in D.C. and have an ongoing fascination with its history. Mrs. Lee’s life is intimately entangled not only with the history of D.C. but with this nation. Some areas of interest for me: Mary’s relationship with the approximately 200 slaves kept by the family on that property, her father’s infatuation with collecting George Washington memorabilia and kept in the house, how the decision was made to side with the Confederates, how the Union soldiers took over the property and what happened to all the George Washington collectibles, and also how Mary treated the intersection of God (Religion) and the institution of Slavery. The treatment of “traitors” after the war: how Gen. and Mrs. Lee were honored (worshipped?) at Washington College in Lexington, Virginia. The author provided lots of material and excerpts to show Mary’s thoughts on all these subjects. This book also is a reminder of how far we have come in medical knowledge: sickness and disease was a constant visitor throughout the book.

[Lee Murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful read about a person not often found in literature. This book was written to counter the often portrayed image of Lee’s wife being slow, not extremely intelligent, and lazy.

The material was taken from Mary Lee’s personal journals
and other materials it previously examined.

I read this book in coordination with Michael Korda’s “Clouds of Glory”, his biography of Robert E. Lee. The two books in combination gave a very beautiful picture of their lives together and the lives they lived with a professional soldier and a person with a debilitating disease.

Their family was one of very tragic circumstances, with several of their children dying before the age of 40.

I enjoyed both books very much and recommend this one eagerly. Written strictly from Mary Lee’s point of view, the book emphasizes her life, loves, struggles, and challenges.

[Michelle Tebow · Rating 5 out of 5]

EXCELLENT!

[Lynda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I knew next to nothing about Mrs. Robert E. Lee before starting this book at the recommendation (and gift) of a great friend. Such a strong, interesting character - the granddaughter of Martha Dandridge Custis Washington and George Washington (via marriage.)

Excerpts from her prayer journal, correspondence and descriptions from her contemporaries really flesh out Mary Custis Lee and teach us so much about life as a married Christian woman in the 1800's and about the origin of our infamous national cemetary, Arlington.

This was written by a Southener and at times this Yankee reader detected at the least sympathy but at times defense and understanding of the slave holding population. The book provides enough personal information in a positive light to make me feel that I knew and liked Mrs. Lee but also so that when I read a negative or disappointing comment by or about Mrs. Lee - such as when she remarked that Reconstructionists should go home (North) and take their "pets" (freed slaves) with them - I was angered or felt betrayed.

Would I recommend this book to others? Yes!

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did not care for the first two-thirds of this biography. Felt that the numerous quotations from her journal became tedious and that the author's style of detailing one trip after another of Mary Lee and her children was boring. However once the Civil War began, the drama of her life captured me. Choose to borrow this book because I will be making a trip to Arlington later; now will have excellent appreciation for all that occurred there. I also became more sympathetic to the plight of the South during these years. I like books that raise more questions for me to explore and this one certainly did.

[Allison Caylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

I haven't much experience reading biographies, and expected to work hard at finishing this one, so I was caught off guard by how engaging a read it was. I went through it quickly like I do novels, even the first part, which recounts the stories of several of Mrs. Lee's progenitors. Altogether, I found the book very well-written - both informative and inspiring. I also greatly appreciated the author's respect of Mrs. Lee's obvious salvation and Christian faith - he didn't try to gloss over or diminish it at all, and her spiritual life is a large part of the book (as well it should be!).

I highly recommend it.

[Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

This biography of Mary Lee was a wonderful account of a remarkable woman who lived through the turmoil of the Civil War, loosing her home, wealth and friends while maintaining a wonderful gracious spirit. Although she chafed under the injustice of the taking of Arlington, she resigned herself to the will of God in her life and continued her remarkable life of industry and hospitality under the constraints of painful rheumatoid arthritis. Although it took me a long to time to get through this book, that doesn't reflect on how much I enjoyed it.

[Graceann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This biography of Mrs. Robert E. Lee corrects a great number of false assumptions and sheds light on someone who was not terribly well known, even in her own day. The lady whose house was confiscated and her land used as the first National Military Cemetery is examined in as much detail as possible, and it's all terribly interesting.

[Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating read about Mary, her life and family, and Arlington. Most books are about her husband and to learn about her was really interesting. I had no idea that Arlington was her property and not her husband's. It gave me a better understanding of the Civil War and the senitiments of the people of that time.

[Britt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Attending Washington and Lee made me interested in the many quirks of this family. Not much is known about Mrs. Lee but wow... she was quirkier than her husband! A very interesting read on a very interesting woman. Surprised to learn how intertwined this woman was with the founding years of the US and the men who shaped our nation.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't imagine living in such a hostile environment where everything that you loved, lived and adored was taken away and you were treated as a criminal when you had done nothing wrong. To have read about such a strong woman's life, loves, losts, and reckonings was fascinating. I strongly recommend this book.

[Sydney · Rating 4 out of 5]

A slice of history about a woman's perspective and the life a woman of her status led during the civil war. The historical aspect was very interesting and enjoyable to read. Insight gained into the sacrifices the women of civil war officers made both during and in the aftermath of this great and terrible war. Arlington will never be viewed in the same way to me now.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just started this book and so far it's wonderful. It's a biography of Mary Custis Lee. She's the great-granddaghter of George Washington and wife of Robert E. Lee. It's been interesting to learn so much about an incredible woman and the history of the Lee House at Arlington Cemetery.

[Jocelyn Green · Rating 4 out of 5]

This lady was a devout Christian! Enlightening sections from her journal and letters. Yes, she was wrong about slavery, too. Interesting to see how she could be so right-on about some things and dead-wrong about others. I suppose we are all like that in some ways.

[Gingergerlach · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned a lot about Civil War history from this book. I never knew Arlington Cemetery was originally Robert E Lee's plantation. Such an interesting family and one of the best books written about them.

[Carrie-Anne O'Driscoll · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is actually written by my Mother's cousin. His attention to detail is incredible and chronicles the life of a little known woman in American history. Thanks to his knowledge, my first trip to Washington DC was that much more incredible.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting perspective.

[LRK · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thoughtful and touching look at Mrs. Lee. Well-researched and delightfully written. The story of this great lady is a fascinating one, and Perry tells it in a very engaging manner.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Writng style could have been better. historically interesting.

[Michelle Riley Marsh · Rating 4 out of 5]

I remember really liking this book, but I read it years ago. I want to re-read it before our trip to Arlington.

[Salvatore Leone · Rating 5 out of 5]

An especially well done biography of a very strong likable woman. Lots of detail and very well written.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book on the Lee family.

[Eklundthree · Rating 4 out of 5]

Exquisitely Written. Loved it. Made it that much more special for me to visit D.C and Arlington area.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting perspective on the Civil War. Sometimes bogged down in the lengthy details about traveling season.

[Autumn Klepper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book....full of rich historical information! The author did an excellent job of bringing this biography to life for the reader.

[Margaret Boehm · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorites

[Sue Nall · Rating 4 out of 5]

A terribly important character at a terribly important time in history. I loved the book!

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bought this when we visited Fort Monroe while in Virginia for Robin's wedding. Didn't know anything about Mary but now can picture her living at Arlington House and her grief and anger at losing it to the Union army. What a miserable life (crippled with rheumatoid arthritis, made homeless by the Civil War, separated from a beloved husband much of her marriage and raising her seven children mostly alone). Amazing that she was able to be as stoic, generous and friendly as she was throughout her troubles.