The Family Experience of PDA: An Illustrated Guide to Pathological Demand Avoidance

by Eliza Fricker, Ruth Fidler (Foreword)

Eliza Fricker gets it. Describing her perfectly imperfect experience of raising a PDA child, with societal judgements and internal pressures, it is easy to feel overwhelmed, resentful and alone. This book's comedic illustrations explain these challenging situations and feelings in a way that words simply cannot, will bring some much-needed levity back into PDA parenting. Humorous anecdotes with a compassionate tone remind parents that they are not alone, and they're doing a great job. If children are safe, happy, and you leave the house on time, who cares about some smelly socks?
A light-hearted and digestible guide to being a PDA parent covering everything from tolerance levels, relationships and meltdowns to collaboration, flexibility, and self care to dip in and out as your schedule allows to help get to grips with this complex condition.

This book is an essential read for any parent with a PDA child, to help better understand your child, build support systems and carve out some essential self care time guilt free.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Childrens, Education, Self Help, Memoir

143 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 18, 2021

Reviews

[James R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I find books written about real-life experience so much more valuable than dry academic write ups, so this book was excellent. Even more so that the writing is so digestible, conversational and accompanied by amusing illustrations. The description of parenting a PDA child mirrors almost exactly the methods I've found effective for raising my son even though he's not yet been diagnosed with PDA and I stumbled across the methods described in this book through trial and error. I wish I could go back there years and give myself this book, it would have helped me get on the right path a lot sooner.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good overview of how to parent a child with PDA. I think I had already figured out most of this through trial and error over the 14 years I have had parenting my PDA daughter. I just wish professionals understood PDA. For instance, my daughter goes to a bespoke setting within an SEN school (when I can coax her in). Today, her creative writing teacher wanted her to do something she had already done before. Mentally, she just couldn't do it. Her teacher kept asking her why she "wouldn't" do the work. My daughter tried to explain that it wasn't a choice, she honestly "couldn't" do it, but her teacher didn't get it. Now it will be harder to get her in tomorrow. It's the joys of PDA parenting.

But if you are a parent of a demand avoidant child, please, please take time to listen to them. Don't try to drag them to school. Reduce demands and you will find what makes your child amazingly special. Good luck and hang in there. 😊

[✨erica✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book resonated so much with me that I immediately reread it and then ordered a copy for my mother. You know how parents are always saying I wish parenting came with a handbook? Well this might not be a handbook to parenting kids with PDA, but I wish I could hand it to everyone who cares for my PDA kid before they interact. I related to every sentence and drawing. Fricker keeps it simple and at times even fun and cute. The book is also short and not overwhelming at all. I highly recommend it for parents who want to hear that others have been on the same journey as them and for caregivers and teachers who want to understand PDA a little more intimately.

[Vanessa Wright · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very quick, easy, not overwhelming read. It's a good introduction to PDA, probably most helpful for families brand new to the diagnosis and just starting out on their educational journey. It also includes basic tips and tricks to try.

[Gregory · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful and a huge relief

The first time I heard of PDA I immediately recognized my son. This book has been completely validating. Such a relief to know there are other kids so similar to mine. Such a relief to know we’ve been doing exactly what he has needed this whole time.

I’m so grateful for the way this author breaks it down so well.

I wanted to highlight the entire book, but ESPECIALLY the anxiety chapter.

[Krista Kovatch · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.8

Excellent quick read with illustrations and a positive approach to raising a child with PDA. Great, practical examples and can help parents feel less isolated after mainstream behavioral approaches were not as effective. Great introduction book to how best manage anxiety within ASD.

[Stephanie Hutchinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy, helpful and inciteful look into a not usual understanding of an ASD.

[Jon Whittlestone · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this.

The comic book approach is in itself a PDA friendly approach for parents and carers to understand Eliza's situation.

🫶

[Heatherjoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent and playful introduction to parenting a PDAer. I’d recommend it as a nice introduction for folks who don’t want to/don’t have time to read more deeply (perhaps grandparents, extended family, or teachers). My only disappointment is that the title made me hope there would be some insight into the siblings’ experience of PDAer since they are part of the family, but the book was entirely based on the parent-PDAer child relationship. I probably need to look more broadly at what we know about being the sibling of a disabled person and see what can be applied to the particular context of PDAer autism.

[Paul Ince · Rating 4 out of 5]

For any parent of a child with PDA, this book will make you feel seen. There’s not much understanding of what it’s like living the life you do so, when you find the exact descriptions of it, it helps you acknowledge the existence your family shares.

Fricker explains how life is with simplicity and humour. The illustrations provide nice detail. She doesn’t try to explain PDA to the neurotypical. She doesn’t need to.

[Kylie Robson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great resource for parents

Thank you for such an informative book and put in such a way every parent with a PDA child can understand and identify with. Also helping to relieve some of the guilt as Mum’s we put unnecessarily on ourselves. Fantastic read and one I will be referring back to again and again.

[Naomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is a great book for people newly discovering they are parenting a PDA child. I learned a few things even though we are further on our journey, would definitely recommend for extended family, EAs, teachers, etc. I also enjoyed that the author celebrated the same special things in her child that I see in mine.

[Ashley Newberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

A nice little, very relatable, quick read with a glimpse into life with a PDA child. I had hoped it would include things about parents with PDA as well, but it was focused around the author's experience with one child. The illustrations were spot on.

[Allison Turner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read. So relatable, I was nodding and tearing up through the whole thing. Such a positive and lighthearted approach to a calling that can sometimes feel impossible. Loved it.

[Carmen · Rating 4 out of 5]

i'm not going to give any flowery context for this other than i read this basically as soon as i woke up in one sitting. much better than the other one - the teen's guide to pda (what is it about all teen self help books being written as if we have zero brain cells? we're not idiots, we're just young??)

it's weird that i felt i resonated a lot more with this one, given it's talking about the same condition but through a different lens. maybe the easiest way to see myself (at least, psychiatrically) is through the lens of my parents because they've known me the longest, and as such, they put up with the most shit. it does make me feel guilty though, that my existence is tiring, and does stir up the feelings of "i shouldn't be here, everyone will be happier if i wasn't". also i got hints of the "i literally cannot see any future for myself" because i do feel (more) like a broken object that needs to be tended to 24/7 (which is impossible as an adult for the entirety of my life) and i can't really see a future where, as a broken adult, i can actually exist. easier to just not be here, but a book review's purpose is to discuss the efficacy and/or enjoyment of a book, not to vent about my suicidal tendencies.

while a lot of this did resonate, there were quite a few bits that didn't. i rarely get meltdowns (i could probably count the total number of full meltdowns i've had in the last year on one hand) but instead shutdown a lot, and there seemed to only be one paragraph on that. i get that this book is written specifically from the experience of parenting one particular child, who may not experience shutdowns as frequently as i do. however, it would've been nice to touch on the subject at least a little further - maybe two paragraphs instead of one? crazy, i know.

eh, i don't have much else to say about it, other than the fact that this makes me want to lower my rating for the other book down to three so that this gets a justified four stars. again, not perfect (at least as admitted in the introduction) but much better and didn't make me feel like an idiot (more like a burden but that's a limitation of any child reading parenting books, they're never the target audience). still, at least for literally any adult who has to in some way "take care" of me, i'd like to force them to read this. i want to one day find a book that says everything someone needs to know about how i function and how to interact with me for all occasions, but that doesn't exist. this is still quite a ways off, but it is getting there, and probably the closest i've gotten to finding it thus far, so take that as you will.

[Gem Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Family Experience of PDA is a necessary read if you are parenting a child with pathological demand avoidance. It might be that you have pathological demand avoidance, too, in which case the book will offer additional insight.

Years ago, the acronym PDA only ever meant public displays of affection, which incidentally is something those with pathological demand avoidance would potentially not be keen on. Now it is an acronym to describe a category within the category of autism.

Eliza Fricker touches on the family experience with her trademark humour. I enjoy seeing her illustrations every few pages, and it breaks up what can sometimes be serious content.

Fricker outlines so many truths about the PDA experience. That humour can play an important role in parenting a PDA child. That these children can be highly sensitive to criticism, which is unfortunately something they will most likely face in the school system as they push against the demands that are placed on them. Fricker also identifies, correctly, that parents need almost to be detectives when it comes to gauging their child's tolerance for activities of any kind:

"As parents, we have to be masters at gauging our child's mood, some days they will be more flexible but at other times not want to do anything at all, and it's important to allow for these days too."

In conclusion, this is actually the perfect book for anyone who has pathological demand avoidance, as it only demands a bit of your time, provides breaks via illustrations, and provides good bang for buck.

[Elizabeth Acacia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eliza Fricker really gets the struggles of PDA in a family. Even the first sentence of the Introduction links to how I felt! Before we become parents, we have pre-conceived notions of how things will work, how are child will be, and how we will parent our child. When PDA appears, everything is thrown out the window, no matter how many books you read, podcasts you listen to, therapists you talk to, nothing makes sense until you find this diagnosis. Finding PDA changed everything and Eliza Fricker helps those of us going through it find how to best navigate. This book, along with the Declarative Handbook, have been relationship-changing in our family.

And a quick note, her drawings are absolutely amazing! They are amazing visuals that get into the weeds of how PDA plays out. I wish more adult books had such great illustrations!

[Lydia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am so grateful to anyone who writes a book about PDA because there are so few and overall, it’s easy to feel like we are an abandoned group.

With that in mind, I almost gave this 5 stars just because. However, what really bothered me was the title “The Family Experience of PDA.” I expected to hear and dissect sibling experience, how the marriage was effected, maybe even something about pets—who knows. What I did not think the book would be was a 101 on PDA and all of the ways to accommodate it. Anyone who has come to find this book likely already knows all of that.

With the focus constantly on the PDAer (as it has to be), it’s common that the rest of the family’s needs are lost or back-burnered and that is what I was hoping to hear expanded on. Maybe I got that wrong, but I felt disappointed.

[Annie Donette · Rating 5 out of 5]

"... No one - and I mean no one - gets it like another PDA parent."

Eliza Fricker, thank you for your tender, honest, funny and poignant drawings that tell not just your story but ours too. Thank you for validating our experience and for sharing yours.

I nodded, giggled and cried reading this short-but-bittersweet account-come-guide. It is practical but not bossy nor judgemental, and emotional in its clarity and simplicity. I cannot get enough of the realness and expressiveness of the cartoon drawings.

This is a must-read for PDA families, and for anyone who wants to learn, understand and support them. Our lives are different, difficult, unique and beautiful. We wouldn't have it any other way.

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book as a way to support a client. It is a great book for practitioners, educators, and especially parents or family members and friends of individuals who have PDA or have a child who has PDA. It is a cute graphic novel that uses humor to explain difficult experiences a neurodivergent family goes through on a daily basis. This is a quick read, you can get through in one evening. If you find yourself struggling or doubting whether a low demand lifestyle is the answer to providing nervous system safety, this is a good resource to turn to.

[Whitney Vestal · Rating 3 out of 5]

this was a cute little book on PDA; quick read (took cumulate time of about 2 hours). but if you're trying to be concise with you reading time to gain info on PDA, I'd skip this one. if you are pretty sure it know your child has PDA, this book doesn't give much more info or help that you don't already know. although it would be good to give to a friend, family member or teacher that helps care for you kiddo to learn a little more about PDA.. but only if they already know what PDA is. it doesn't really explain WHAT it is, just goes straight into what life looks like with a PDA kid.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for anyone with a PDAer in their world. Eliza's brilliant illustrations are touching, hilarious and incredibly relatable. I love the digestible nature of this book; the text is in short sections and the language is simple, direct and affirmative. Amazing to see our family life summarised in this way, and to know we're not alone in our journey on this little-known part of the autism spectrum.

[A.P. Goodman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Title: The Family Experience of PDA
Author: Eliza Fricker

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The hook of this book is that the author "gets it," and it's right. She truly does.

I am many years into parenting my sweet PDA kiddo, so most of this was not new or revelational, but I wish I had this book when I first started.

I think this introduces a tough-to-grasp concept in a very digestible and easy to read way.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Steph Curtis · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book full of great illustrations that capture perfectly lots of different aspects of living with PDA in the family. The text offers plenty of insight on topics such as relationships, anxiety and sensory issues, and shares practical advice on how to help a PDA child. Light-hearted and positive but with lots of learning about PDA to be gleaned from it.

[Katharine Orton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in a single afternoon – it's a super quick read full of Eliza Fricker's brilliant and incredibly relatable comic strips depicting the PDA family experience. This entire book could easily have been about us... if you're a PDA parent or want to learn more, this is an excellent place to start.

[Christi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent quick little read, funny and eye-opening and I think it just really makes this autism/PDA world more understandable. I read it and thought, wow-a family reading this would really feel SEEN. I also liked her style and did I mention it's super quick? I'll be looking up more of her work.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finished quickly - under 2 hours, I think. I definitely cried while reading, but I feel much less alone now. I can imagine coming back to this book on hard days. While it has some basic tips, this book is really more important as a quick read to make one feel seen. My favourite part is how there is a fair focus on the positives of her daughter. During a bad spell they can be easy to overlook.

[Vicki Curtis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eliza gets it! Great ideas for addressing PDA, some I was already doing, but some new that I will try. Perfect parenting book because it was a quick read & written in a way that was relatable and easy to understand. Love the illustrations, too!

[Natalie Cichy · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fantastic, easily digestible, short but all-encompassing guide to explain a family’s experience of Autistic PDA. I wish I could gift and have everyone we know read this to understand us a little better, support us and help us not feel so alone.

[Marcelaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful because I felt seen and it validated some of the parenting techniques I've settled on for my child with PDA. It doesn't go into a lot of detail about what PDA is or how to raise a child who has it, but it's a good basic start and a nice pep talk. The illustrations were also cute.