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What it takes to lose
When Eve Allred, a high school junior, loses some weight for the first time, she is intoxicated with the compliments and praise she receives.
Then Ana shows up.
Ana, the beautiful and strikingly skinny girl who seems to come out of nowhere, insists Eve isn’t done losing weight, and for reasons she can’t comprehend, Eve feels an uncontrollable urge to obey her. Ten pounds quickly turns to twenty, which turns to fifty.
Months of hospitalization and rehab later, Eve is ready to get better. But even the smallest tasks prove difficult when Ana, the friend Eve wishes she never had, has other plans. Trying to transition back to her normal life, Eve struggles with repairing broken relationships with friends and family while trying to get back to the normal life she used to know.
Early in her recovery Eve also runs into a boy at school who gives her a tormented, pain-filled gaze that haunts her thoughts. Several more encounters with the boy and the same tortured look make Eve even more desperate to figure out how she is causing this stranger so much pain.
Eve’s struggle to balance everything—the boy, trying to recreate her old life, and vicious Ana—provides a raw look at what recovering from an eating disorder is really like and proves nothing is as simple as it seems.
Then Ana shows up.
Ana, the beautiful and strikingly skinny girl who seems to come out of nowhere, insists Eve isn’t done losing weight, and for reasons she can’t comprehend, Eve feels an uncontrollable urge to obey her. Ten pounds quickly turns to twenty, which turns to fifty.
Months of hospitalization and rehab later, Eve is ready to get better. But even the smallest tasks prove difficult when Ana, the friend Eve wishes she never had, has other plans. Trying to transition back to her normal life, Eve struggles with repairing broken relationships with friends and family while trying to get back to the normal life she used to know.
Early in her recovery Eve also runs into a boy at school who gives her a tormented, pain-filled gaze that haunts her thoughts. Several more encounters with the boy and the same tortured look make Eve even more desperate to figure out how she is causing this stranger so much pain.
Eve’s struggle to balance everything—the boy, trying to recreate her old life, and vicious Ana—provides a raw look at what recovering from an eating disorder is really like and proves nothing is as simple as it seems.
229 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 12, 2021
79 people are currently reading
235 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
April 30, 2023
3.5 ⭐️
This book was actually pretty good! It deals with some heavy topics, following a girl named Eve through her highschool life and her development and recovery with anorexia. I definitely think this is a book a lot of people should read. It gave me a better insight into what someone with anorexia deals with.
TWS:
- graphic mentions of anorexia
- self harm
- calorie talk
Look after yourselves besties 🫶🏻
This book was actually pretty good! It deals with some heavy topics, following a girl named Eve through her highschool life and her development and recovery with anorexia. I definitely think this is a book a lot of people should read. It gave me a better insight into what someone with anorexia deals with.
TWS:
- graphic mentions of anorexia
- self harm
- calorie talk
Look after yourselves besties 🫶🏻
October 7, 2025
I had an ED at uni many years ago and so much of this resonates with me, the self loathing, wanting to fit in so badly, to be and look a certain way. Of never feeling good enough.
The behaviour of Eve's mum struck a cord as well as my mum often made comments on my weight growing up and these stuck, please parents be very careful how you handle sensitive issues like weight and dieting around your kids. Joking around or making off the cuff remarks about what your kid is eating or what size they are can backfire so badly. If your child genuinely needs to lose weight always consult a medical professional. Clearly Eve's mum had her own issues with weight and passed them on to Eve.
Eve was in a high schoool, a happy healthy girl who loved to run track but always felt bigger than her team mates so decided to diet, and received praise and validation when she did. But then she met Ana, Ana is beautiful, fierce and thin, but is Eve's harshest critic, nothing Eve eve does is good enough, Ana taunts her into eating less and less, exercising more and more.
Eve becomes very good at disguising her weight loss, baggy clothes, avoiding meals, lying about her exercise. She drifts away from her family, her friends and her hobbies. All that she can think about is eating less and of pacifying Ana, who never fails to tell her how stupid, fat and weak she is.
Eventually she becomes dangerously thin, dizzy spells, lack of focus, hair loss, bone pain, no periods, feeling cold all the time, even hair starts growing on her arms and legs, and collapses at a party. She's taken to hospital and her family realise what has been going on. Eve is angry and defensive when she's admitted to an eating disorder clinic.
But she makes progress and is finally allowed home and then she meets Jason, a new boy at school who looks at her with haunted eyes.
I liked this book. I think it gives a good insight into the mind of a person with ED, anorexia is about control, its not about vanity although it can start that way. What you eat is one of the few things you can control, at a time in life when so much else is scary, unpredictable and overwhelming. Its a mental illness not a shallow attempt to look a certain way.
Eve also suffers panic attacks and depression so its a serious issue. Its a very dangerous condition which can lead to death so must be taken seriously. Much of Eve's turmoil comes from low self esteem and perfectionism which is common among ED sufferers.
I liked the fact it showed Eve's recovery wasn't linear, she had relapses which happens with many mental illnesses. Its likely she could struggle with ED for many years to come and it will always be a part of her but with support from friends, family and professional help she can keep it at bay.
The behaviour of Eve's mum struck a cord as well as my mum often made comments on my weight growing up and these stuck, please parents be very careful how you handle sensitive issues like weight and dieting around your kids. Joking around or making off the cuff remarks about what your kid is eating or what size they are can backfire so badly. If your child genuinely needs to lose weight always consult a medical professional. Clearly Eve's mum had her own issues with weight and passed them on to Eve.
Eve was in a high schoool, a happy healthy girl who loved to run track but always felt bigger than her team mates so decided to diet, and received praise and validation when she did. But then she met Ana, Ana is beautiful, fierce and thin, but is Eve's harshest critic, nothing Eve eve does is good enough, Ana taunts her into eating less and less, exercising more and more.
Eve becomes very good at disguising her weight loss, baggy clothes, avoiding meals, lying about her exercise. She drifts away from her family, her friends and her hobbies. All that she can think about is eating less and of pacifying Ana, who never fails to tell her how stupid, fat and weak she is.
Eventually she becomes dangerously thin, dizzy spells, lack of focus, hair loss, bone pain, no periods, feeling cold all the time, even hair starts growing on her arms and legs, and collapses at a party. She's taken to hospital and her family realise what has been going on. Eve is angry and defensive when she's admitted to an eating disorder clinic.
But she makes progress and is finally allowed home and then she meets Jason, a new boy at school who looks at her with haunted eyes.
I liked this book. I think it gives a good insight into the mind of a person with ED, anorexia is about control, its not about vanity although it can start that way. What you eat is one of the few things you can control, at a time in life when so much else is scary, unpredictable and overwhelming. Its a mental illness not a shallow attempt to look a certain way.
Eve also suffers panic attacks and depression so its a serious issue. Its a very dangerous condition which can lead to death so must be taken seriously. Much of Eve's turmoil comes from low self esteem and perfectionism which is common among ED sufferers.
I liked the fact it showed Eve's recovery wasn't linear, she had relapses which happens with many mental illnesses. Its likely she could struggle with ED for many years to come and it will always be a part of her but with support from friends, family and professional help she can keep it at bay.
February 25, 2025
This book was definitely a good portrayal of anorexia, from the thoughts, Ana and her behaviors. There are so many things she said or did that resonate with me. It shows that this is an actual illness, and it is not only about starving yourself.
"Ana tried to kill me in the eleventh grade, and somehow, I still can't get rid of her." This is so real because it states that the eating disorder ("Ana") was killing her, but she was not killing herself. I feel like eating disorders are so stigmatized because people think it is an active choice that you are making every day to starve yourself, but it is not about food at all. The food is used to take back control. Ana is the one who is belittling her and tearing her down every second, and she becomes so exhausted from listening to Ana that she agrees with what she says. Ana is so convincing, and it is evident in this book.
"I just think it's dumb when girls starve themselves." This is such an invalidating comment, but it is something heard SO much in today's society. It does not recognize the illness as an illness. Instead, it states that girls who "starve" themselves are attention-seeking, and it isn't flattering. When in reality, people who have an eating disorder are not doing it for attention, or so boys will like them. As shown in the book, she shut everyone out in her life because she was embarrassed.
"I'm not starving myself. I'm just being healthy." This is also said a lot in diet culture and today's society. There is no such thing as healthy foods or unhealthy foods. Everything is good for you in moderation. As shown with Eve, she didn't eat anything except fruits, veggies, and water. Fruit and veggies are "healthy" foods, yet she was still unhealthy. She was not nourishing her body. She didn't give herself any dairy, protein, carbs or fats. You need all of that to survive and be healthy. Having a healthy relationship with food is not having to think about it. No thoughts about calories, no thoughts on when your next meal is, listening to your hunger/fullness cues, and not having any anxiety around food.
"I have control over this." People with eating disorders tend to believe they are the ones in control and they can "stop" anytime. This is not true at all and not true for Eve since she collapsed.
This book had so many more memorable quotes that I saved.
I hate Eve's mom.
I do not like the times throughout the book. It time-jumped a bunch, and we didn't get to see her fully recovered.
"Ana tried to kill me in the eleventh grade, and somehow, I still can't get rid of her." This is so real because it states that the eating disorder ("Ana") was killing her, but she was not killing herself. I feel like eating disorders are so stigmatized because people think it is an active choice that you are making every day to starve yourself, but it is not about food at all. The food is used to take back control. Ana is the one who is belittling her and tearing her down every second, and she becomes so exhausted from listening to Ana that she agrees with what she says. Ana is so convincing, and it is evident in this book.
"I just think it's dumb when girls starve themselves." This is such an invalidating comment, but it is something heard SO much in today's society. It does not recognize the illness as an illness. Instead, it states that girls who "starve" themselves are attention-seeking, and it isn't flattering. When in reality, people who have an eating disorder are not doing it for attention, or so boys will like them. As shown in the book, she shut everyone out in her life because she was embarrassed.
"I'm not starving myself. I'm just being healthy." This is also said a lot in diet culture and today's society. There is no such thing as healthy foods or unhealthy foods. Everything is good for you in moderation. As shown with Eve, she didn't eat anything except fruits, veggies, and water. Fruit and veggies are "healthy" foods, yet she was still unhealthy. She was not nourishing her body. She didn't give herself any dairy, protein, carbs or fats. You need all of that to survive and be healthy. Having a healthy relationship with food is not having to think about it. No thoughts about calories, no thoughts on when your next meal is, listening to your hunger/fullness cues, and not having any anxiety around food.
"I have control over this." People with eating disorders tend to believe they are the ones in control and they can "stop" anytime. This is not true at all and not true for Eve since she collapsed.
This book had so many more memorable quotes that I saved.
I hate Eve's mom.
I do not like the times throughout the book. It time-jumped a bunch, and we didn't get to see her fully recovered.
December 27, 2021
Engaging, dynamic, thought provoking
The author does an amazing job of giving the reader a look into the life of someone with an eating disorder. She has obviously done her research. As someone who hasn't lived it but has friends that have, I appreciated being able to see things from their point of view. All the characters were well thought out with many having both strong and weak moments.
As the author states in the beginning, this book isn't for everybody as it handles topics that may be triggering. I would highly recommend that those wanting to learn more about anorexia and anxiety read it (especially parents, teachers and friends of those struggling). I think anything that allows you to live life a little more empathetically is worth the read. I gave five stars because I couldn't put the book down and feel changed in the best way since finishing. It is worth it!
The author does an amazing job of giving the reader a look into the life of someone with an eating disorder. She has obviously done her research. As someone who hasn't lived it but has friends that have, I appreciated being able to see things from their point of view. All the characters were well thought out with many having both strong and weak moments.
As the author states in the beginning, this book isn't for everybody as it handles topics that may be triggering. I would highly recommend that those wanting to learn more about anorexia and anxiety read it (especially parents, teachers and friends of those struggling). I think anything that allows you to live life a little more empathetically is worth the read. I gave five stars because I couldn't put the book down and feel changed in the best way since finishing. It is worth it!
January 26, 2022
Forget Catcher in the Rye! Read this instead. Seriously though this should be required reading. Eating disorders aren’t talked about often enough and this book does a great job of educating through story which is one of the best ways to learn. The writing is fast paced. Honestly the first 1/4th of this story could be it’s own book, but I’m glad it continued because it helped demonstrate that like addictions, eating disorders never truly go away which is TERRIFYING. Usually I’m a horror reader and there are some passages in here that even made my skin crawl. I would definitely read more from Anne Taylor.
November 17, 2025
I’ve been thinking about this book since I finished reading it. The topic was definitely heavy so I’m planning on something light for my next read. With that said, I appreciated that the majority of the book was about her ED recovery journey, and nothing was sugar-coated. By the end, Eve was still struggling and trying to find her way back to being physically and mentally healthy. I think showing her relapsing after making so much progress was incredibly sad, but also realistic. I’m rooting for this character, and I finished the book hoping she makes it. The ending was hopeful while still allowing me (the reader) to come to my own conclusion. There were some past/present tense issues with the writing style so I’ll give it 4.5 stars for that reason.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 15, 2025
Hard Read
This book details the life of a high school girl who develops Anorexia. The detailed struggle is hard to read but maybe that is why we need to read it. Who knows, it might just be what you need to help yourself or someone else.
This book details the life of a high school girl who develops Anorexia. The detailed struggle is hard to read but maybe that is why we need to read it. Who knows, it might just be what you need to help yourself or someone else.
January 20, 2024
Strong, realistic, moving, inspiring. Good read
November 17, 2025
sad but eye opening
This really puts eating disorders on display and really nightlights struggles with eating and it’s relatable to obesity
Great read
This really puts eating disorders on display and really nightlights struggles with eating and it’s relatable to obesity
Great read
July 7, 2024
Well written.
July 4, 2025
Such a good and thorough book.
Highlights the causes and effects of Ed and goes into detail about what it’s like to live with one as well as how to overcome it and get help.
Highlights the causes and effects of Ed and goes into detail about what it’s like to live with one as well as how to overcome it and get help.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews