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Struggle Between Two Lives
My name is Jade Xiu, and I exist in two worlds, but I don’t feel like I belong to either. I was born to an American father and an Asian mother, with dreams of being free and independent but am bound by the rules of Chinese traditions instead. My everyday life is a constant contradiction, and I can’t take it anymore.
My overbearing mother wants me to forget about my dreams and become a pharmacist. I can’t do that. I won’t.
It goes against all the rules, but rebellion is my only option. I resist at every turn. It drives my mother crazy, and all but ruins our relationship. I naively believed a little strife wouldn’t cause long-term damage or years of regret… until life dealt me a devastating blow that sent me into a spiral of depression, anxiety, self-loathing, and shame.
It turns out my inability to fit in, and resistance to my mother’s desire to make me see my worth, my potential, and my natural born gifts, weren’t the worst things that ever happened to me. The worst thing that ever happened to me was my failure to accept and love who I am, not despite my differences but because of my differences.
I wish I didn’t have to learn these truths the hard way.
I wish I could take it all back.
I love you, Mom.
My overbearing mother wants me to forget about my dreams and become a pharmacist. I can’t do that. I won’t.
It goes against all the rules, but rebellion is my only option. I resist at every turn. It drives my mother crazy, and all but ruins our relationship. I naively believed a little strife wouldn’t cause long-term damage or years of regret… until life dealt me a devastating blow that sent me into a spiral of depression, anxiety, self-loathing, and shame.
It turns out my inability to fit in, and resistance to my mother’s desire to make me see my worth, my potential, and my natural born gifts, weren’t the worst things that ever happened to me. The worst thing that ever happened to me was my failure to accept and love who I am, not despite my differences but because of my differences.
I wish I didn’t have to learn these truths the hard way.
I wish I could take it all back.
I love you, Mom.
198 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 29, 2022
2 people want to read
About the author
Lena Ma
25 books8 followersThe world is a dark and destructive place, and the mind is constantly flawed. Through personal traumatic and emotional experiences, such as domestic abuse, infidelity, and hospital-ridden adventures,
Lena Ma brings her stories to life by exhibiting raw emotions that plague, not just her, but many others living in this world. "Broken & Abused: The Imprisoned Mind" brings out the painful experiences she encountered while living with a man with Asperger's, a love that was never meant to flourish. "Shamefully Vanished: A Memoir of a Girl Out of Control" documents her years under the grasps of a debilitating eating disorder that robbed her from nearly six years of her life.
In one of her most recent stories, "#obsessed: Instagram Destroys Humanity", she explores deep into the dark sides of social media, influencers, and how the Internet is far from what it seems. As an aspiring author, Lena hopes to make a difference in the lives of others by exposing the truths of psychological warfare and the manipulation of the modern world.
Lena Ma brings her stories to life by exhibiting raw emotions that plague, not just her, but many others living in this world. "Broken & Abused: The Imprisoned Mind" brings out the painful experiences she encountered while living with a man with Asperger's, a love that was never meant to flourish. "Shamefully Vanished: A Memoir of a Girl Out of Control" documents her years under the grasps of a debilitating eating disorder that robbed her from nearly six years of her life.
In one of her most recent stories, "#obsessed: Instagram Destroys Humanity", she explores deep into the dark sides of social media, influencers, and how the Internet is far from what it seems. As an aspiring author, Lena hopes to make a difference in the lives of others by exposing the truths of psychological warfare and the manipulation of the modern world.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
May 8, 2022
“Part of me wished I could turn back the clock and tell young Jade that it would be okay. Another part of me understood that the decisions I made when I was growing up were necessary; they helped make me the girl I am today, and I should never want to change a thing.”
✮✮✮✮✮
Based on a true story. Jade Xiu is half Chinese and half American. While she lives in America, she speaks Chinese at home, and is expected to teach her mother English from the age of just seven. Being a female in a Chinese household comes with a responsibility, and her parents expect her to be the good Chinese girl. Jade on the other hand, just wants the dream American life and to become a rockstar. She starts hiding stuff from her family, and starts leading a double life that ends in a downward spiral.
It has been a long time since I’ve connected with a book on this level. The teenage angst, the want to fit in, but feeling like you don’t fit in anywhere. The need to feel like you’re pleasing everyone, when you can’t even please yourself. This really is a story worth reading. Told from Jade’s viewpoint, the story shows exactly how parents ideals can be taken in the wrong way by children, and how everything they say shapes the future choices of the children, especially coming from a background where so much was expected of children.
The characters were really well developed, and the relationships between them were incredible. Aaron was one of my favourite characters, because he would have gone to the end of the earth for Jade and that was clear from the very scene when he entered the story, unfortunately just not to her. The relationships and things happening throughout this tale can be seen in so many ‘youngsters’ in real life, and how it is a real issue when you feel like you can’t open up.
Lena Ma has written a masterpiece here, and I honestly don’t think any review I write can do it justice. My emotions were all over the place!
✮✮✮✮✮
Based on a true story. Jade Xiu is half Chinese and half American. While she lives in America, she speaks Chinese at home, and is expected to teach her mother English from the age of just seven. Being a female in a Chinese household comes with a responsibility, and her parents expect her to be the good Chinese girl. Jade on the other hand, just wants the dream American life and to become a rockstar. She starts hiding stuff from her family, and starts leading a double life that ends in a downward spiral.
It has been a long time since I’ve connected with a book on this level. The teenage angst, the want to fit in, but feeling like you don’t fit in anywhere. The need to feel like you’re pleasing everyone, when you can’t even please yourself. This really is a story worth reading. Told from Jade’s viewpoint, the story shows exactly how parents ideals can be taken in the wrong way by children, and how everything they say shapes the future choices of the children, especially coming from a background where so much was expected of children.
The characters were really well developed, and the relationships between them were incredible. Aaron was one of my favourite characters, because he would have gone to the end of the earth for Jade and that was clear from the very scene when he entered the story, unfortunately just not to her. The relationships and things happening throughout this tale can be seen in so many ‘youngsters’ in real life, and how it is a real issue when you feel like you can’t open up.
Lena Ma has written a masterpiece here, and I honestly don’t think any review I write can do it justice. My emotions were all over the place!
February 13, 2022
Struggle Between Two Lives by Lena Ma
I decided to read a memoir about a culture different from my own. I thought, with the Chinese New Year and the Chinese Winter Olympics occurring at similar times, it would be great to read a coming-of-age memoir. While this book goes beyond the coming-of-age time period in her life, it shows the anxiety and mental anguish of growing up different.
I found the story interesting and different from others that I have read this year. Her story was very similar to a best seller about a Korean daughter and mother relationship.
Her wants of being a musician, rock star, and trying to pursue it without the families’ knowledge, I can only offer my sympathies. To not have the backing of my parents as I pursued many different careers and opportunities would be horrible.
The meanness of girls can never be overlooked. It creates such sadness for so many women growing up, no matter where they live. I applaud her for talking about it, re-remembering how she felt, and explaining it to us.
The reason this is a four star rather than a five star is because of the ending. It just seemed so abrupt. I also did not like how the table of contents was at the beginning and at the end of the book. I do not know if that is something that Kindle does or if it is some other formatting issue, but it is annoying as I try to flip to the end of the book, and go to the middle by mistake. There were some other formatting problems, but I think that was Kindle/Amazon’s mistake rather than the author’s mistake.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
I decided to read a memoir about a culture different from my own. I thought, with the Chinese New Year and the Chinese Winter Olympics occurring at similar times, it would be great to read a coming-of-age memoir. While this book goes beyond the coming-of-age time period in her life, it shows the anxiety and mental anguish of growing up different.
I found the story interesting and different from others that I have read this year. Her story was very similar to a best seller about a Korean daughter and mother relationship.
Her wants of being a musician, rock star, and trying to pursue it without the families’ knowledge, I can only offer my sympathies. To not have the backing of my parents as I pursued many different careers and opportunities would be horrible.
The meanness of girls can never be overlooked. It creates such sadness for so many women growing up, no matter where they live. I applaud her for talking about it, re-remembering how she felt, and explaining it to us.
The reason this is a four star rather than a five star is because of the ending. It just seemed so abrupt. I also did not like how the table of contents was at the beginning and at the end of the book. I do not know if that is something that Kindle does or if it is some other formatting issue, but it is annoying as I try to flip to the end of the book, and go to the middle by mistake. There were some other formatting problems, but I think that was Kindle/Amazon’s mistake rather than the author’s mistake.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
January 26, 2022
I received an advance review copy of this eBook for free from the author and BookSirens, and I am leaving this review voluntarily as a courtesy.
This poignant and sweet coming-of-age memoir of a young Asian American woman excellently portrayed the struggle between the desire to be a "normal" American teenager and the generational expectations of continuing Chinese traditions. This story also takes us on a journey into the complex, yet loving, relationship between young Jade (Yu) Xiu and her strict, overbearing Chinese mother. Torn between a personal want to be a rock-star or following her parent's wish that she become a pharmacist, Jade navigates the world of an all girl's Catholic primary school, to a co-ed Catholic high school, and into college. Jade's story is not only unique to her, but also relatable with the friendship and love issues that she eventually comes to terms with. I truly enjoyed this story and have to admit that I shed tears more than once during my read.
*CW: depression, self-harm, cutting, death of parent
This poignant and sweet coming-of-age memoir of a young Asian American woman excellently portrayed the struggle between the desire to be a "normal" American teenager and the generational expectations of continuing Chinese traditions. This story also takes us on a journey into the complex, yet loving, relationship between young Jade (Yu) Xiu and her strict, overbearing Chinese mother. Torn between a personal want to be a rock-star or following her parent's wish that she become a pharmacist, Jade navigates the world of an all girl's Catholic primary school, to a co-ed Catholic high school, and into college. Jade's story is not only unique to her, but also relatable with the friendship and love issues that she eventually comes to terms with. I truly enjoyed this story and have to admit that I shed tears more than once during my read.
*CW: depression, self-harm, cutting, death of parent
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 1, 2022
ARC review :
Book: Struggle between two lives
Genre: YA
Rating:
This book has multifold emotions.. and touches so many topics,trigger points.
This story is about Jade Xiu.. A Chinese girl..her story from being a small girl with strict Chinese parents, having strict house rules, torn between her traditions and American culture. Her struggle to fit into a world which is quite opposite to what her family beliefs are.
As she grows up.. she is distant from her family..frustrated that she is not free to take decisions of her own life.. angry with her parents who doesn’t support her dreams and ambitions.. Eventually trusting wrong people and making wrong choices.. she ends up in depression. Finally when she comes across the worst phase of her life.. she finds her parents who were always distant from her are the ones supporting her.
The emotions with which this book has been written is incredible. Every trigger point.. every situation.. every emotion is real.. makes you think that whatever happens at the end its for the best. All situations in life comes with a lesson which one should embrace with open arms.. When people are at the brink of a worst situation they realise its only your family who can pull them out of it..
Your parents might not say everything that you like but its the best they always wish for you. One may not realise this at young age but eventually agree as they mature in life.. cherish each moment with your loved ones as life is uncertain.. actions taken by loved ones that look selfish might help in shaping the future..
Spend time with family.. in understanding each other as thats the greatest gift we all have..
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
Book: Struggle between two lives
Genre: YA
Rating:
This book has multifold emotions.. and touches so many topics,trigger points.
This story is about Jade Xiu.. A Chinese girl..her story from being a small girl with strict Chinese parents, having strict house rules, torn between her traditions and American culture. Her struggle to fit into a world which is quite opposite to what her family beliefs are.
As she grows up.. she is distant from her family..frustrated that she is not free to take decisions of her own life.. angry with her parents who doesn’t support her dreams and ambitions.. Eventually trusting wrong people and making wrong choices.. she ends up in depression. Finally when she comes across the worst phase of her life.. she finds her parents who were always distant from her are the ones supporting her.
The emotions with which this book has been written is incredible. Every trigger point.. every situation.. every emotion is real.. makes you think that whatever happens at the end its for the best. All situations in life comes with a lesson which one should embrace with open arms.. When people are at the brink of a worst situation they realise its only your family who can pull them out of it..
Your parents might not say everything that you like but its the best they always wish for you. One may not realise this at young age but eventually agree as they mature in life.. cherish each moment with your loved ones as life is uncertain.. actions taken by loved ones that look selfish might help in shaping the future..
Spend time with family.. in understanding each other as thats the greatest gift we all have..
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews