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I Love a Man in Uniform: A Memoir of Love, War, and Other Battles
An all-American love story about a former punk-rock stripper and her unlikely marriage to an officer in the U.S. Army.
In this brave, eloquent, and often funny memoir, critically acclaimed author Lily Burana writes about love, war, and the realities of military marriage with an honesty few writers would dare.
A former exotic dancer who once had a penchant for anarchist politics and purple hair dye, Lily's rebellious past never would have suggested a marriage into the military. But then she met Mike, a Military Intelligence officer, and fell hopelessly in love, resulting in a most unorthodox romance-poignant, passionate, and utterly unpredictable.
After Lily and Mike said "I do" in a brief, pre-deployment City Hall ceremony, Mike left for Operation Iraqi Freedom, and Lily was left in a strange town to endure his absence alone, with no support system and little knowledge of the vast and confusing military world into which she had married.
Upon Mike's return from the war, the couple moved to historic West Point, where Lily found that life on base had its own challenges. As the war continued and the past intruded unexpectedly into the present, Lily and Mike found themselves plunged into the nightmare of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Struggling to cope in a community where admitting weakness is the ultimate tabooand "suck it up" is the suggested response to emotional pain, Lily suffered from depression so severe, it almost ended their marriage. With the help of a revolutionary therapeutic technique, the couple made their way out of the darkness and back to each other. Through it all, Lily wrangled with her preconceptions about the military and found her place within the uniquely supportive sisterhood of military wives.
From harrowing emotion to the dishy details of life on base, Lily Burana bares her heart and soul as a modern military spouse. I Love a Man in Uniform is a profoundly moving story of how a woman can locate, and heal, her true self as a dedicated Army wife, free spirit, and freedom-loving American.
In this brave, eloquent, and often funny memoir, critically acclaimed author Lily Burana writes about love, war, and the realities of military marriage with an honesty few writers would dare.
A former exotic dancer who once had a penchant for anarchist politics and purple hair dye, Lily's rebellious past never would have suggested a marriage into the military. But then she met Mike, a Military Intelligence officer, and fell hopelessly in love, resulting in a most unorthodox romance-poignant, passionate, and utterly unpredictable.
After Lily and Mike said "I do" in a brief, pre-deployment City Hall ceremony, Mike left for Operation Iraqi Freedom, and Lily was left in a strange town to endure his absence alone, with no support system and little knowledge of the vast and confusing military world into which she had married.
Upon Mike's return from the war, the couple moved to historic West Point, where Lily found that life on base had its own challenges. As the war continued and the past intruded unexpectedly into the present, Lily and Mike found themselves plunged into the nightmare of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Struggling to cope in a community where admitting weakness is the ultimate tabooand "suck it up" is the suggested response to emotional pain, Lily suffered from depression so severe, it almost ended their marriage. With the help of a revolutionary therapeutic technique, the couple made their way out of the darkness and back to each other. Through it all, Lily wrangled with her preconceptions about the military and found her place within the uniquely supportive sisterhood of military wives.
From harrowing emotion to the dishy details of life on base, Lily Burana bares her heart and soul as a modern military spouse. I Love a Man in Uniform is a profoundly moving story of how a woman can locate, and heal, her true self as a dedicated Army wife, free spirit, and freedom-loving American.
368 pages, Hardcover
First published July 1, 2007
About the author
Lily Burana
13 books50 followersLily Burana is the author of three books, including Strip City: A Stripper's Farewell Journey Across America, Try, and a memoir entitled I Love a Man in Uniform. Strip City was named Best Memoir in 2008 and Best Book of the Year in 2001 by Entertainment Weekly.
Burana also works as a journalist and has freelanced for The Washington Post, GQ, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, Self, Glamour, Entertainment Weekly, Details, The Village Voice, and The New York Observer. She serves as a contributing editor for New York Magazine and Spin.
Burana married a Lieutenant Colonel in 2002. In 2008, she founded Operation Bombshell, a burlesque school for military wives. She currently lives with her husband in New York.
Burana also works as a journalist and has freelanced for The Washington Post, GQ, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, Self, Glamour, Entertainment Weekly, Details, The Village Voice, and The New York Observer. She serves as a contributing editor for New York Magazine and Spin.
Burana married a Lieutenant Colonel in 2002. In 2008, she founded Operation Bombshell, a burlesque school for military wives. She currently lives with her husband in New York.
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April 6, 2009Following her memoir/travelogue/burlesque history, Strip City, Lily Burana met and married Mike, a historian and active-duty Army major who taught at West Point. Burana, a former stripper, punk, and all-around questioner of authority, suddenly found herself in a new world that seemed to have all kinds of rules she had to learn to follow. She also had to confront a knee-jerk distrust of the military and a hatred of all things twee.
In the course of making a marriage (Mike deployed to Iraq shortly after they tied the knot), figuring out how to fit into a new culture, and learning to love the real Army, not the one she imagined existed, Burana also was forced to confront childhood demons that had long plagued her. She didn't get there without a struggle -- at one point she and Mike separated, both undergoing therapy and trying to overcome intense difficulties. But by the end of the story, Burana has built strong relationships with both her husband and the military, and she has even found a way to use her past as a stripper (a past she often worried would leave her an outcast among the military wife ranks) to bring joy to other Army wives.
Part guide to the unvarnished truth about military wifedom, part personal history, part love letter to her husband, Burana's book is told with wit and grace.
In the course of making a marriage (Mike deployed to Iraq shortly after they tied the knot), figuring out how to fit into a new culture, and learning to love the real Army, not the one she imagined existed, Burana also was forced to confront childhood demons that had long plagued her. She didn't get there without a struggle -- at one point she and Mike separated, both undergoing therapy and trying to overcome intense difficulties. But by the end of the story, Burana has built strong relationships with both her husband and the military, and she has even found a way to use her past as a stripper (a past she often worried would leave her an outcast among the military wife ranks) to bring joy to other Army wives.
Part guide to the unvarnished truth about military wifedom, part personal history, part love letter to her husband, Burana's book is told with wit and grace.
March 26, 2009
Lily Burana, author of Strip City, is back with I Love a Man in Uniform, a book about her marriage to a West Point officer. Not the most likely candidate for my reading tastes, but that is the wonder of reading beyond your horizons! I picked this book up to pass along to my friend Ryan, an officer in the U.S. Navy, and his wife, when I had the unexpected chance to meet Burana at the author reception at Winter Institute, where she was seated next to Brandon Sanderson. That odd couple may not be as book-worthy as Burana and her husband, an officer in the U.S. Army, but it did illustrate the point (and counterpoint) of the book. Burana was all poise and no punk at the reception, but her book recounts the psychological gauntlet she had to battle through to reach that level of self-assurance. This memoir is as candid as they come, coming from a woman who’s not afraid to bare it all. Burana is a former stripper but unlike Tila Tequila she is also a capable writer, as evidenced by her work for The Washington Post and her multiple books. In today’s world of armed conflicts and PTSD, this is a book that is both pertinent and poignant.
June 5, 2016
Burana's previous memoir is about stripping, and at a first glance, I Love a Man in Uniform seems quite the about-face—Burana fell for and eventually married a military officer, and when his posting took him to West Point, she was engulfed in military-wife culture. It was something of a shock to her system, but she went into the relationship and the posting with as open a mind as she could manage: But what did I have to lose? Maybe he would surprise me. As much as I had been invested in seeing uniformed people as stereotypes, I knew a bit about being stereotyped, myself. I was a former stripper who could use her words—compound words, even!—and a good share of getting to know someone involved proving that I wasn't necessarily who they thought. The least I could do was show up and see who he was apart from the camouflage cover. (16)
This is a book about struggling to fit into the military world as a civilian partner (though Burana makes it clear from the outset that she does not mean to generalise her experience to anyone else's), but that ended up not being the part I found most compelling. In some ways the military end is incidental—more crucial was that, while this marriage was still very young, Burana fell into a depression that she struggled to pull herself out of, one that stemmed in part from abuse she'd experienced as a child. She's blunt about that depression (and abuse) in ways that sometimes felt like the best representations I'd seen of it in a book not explicitly about depression: I was fully, voluptuously miserable, and though I wouldn't admit it to anyone, I still dreamed of suicide. I guarded this secret, sweet as stolen candy. I could kill myself at any time. The only thing in my life that seemed entirely within my control was the ability to end it (261).
I don't know if I'd recommend this to someone interested in a military-wife sort of read, but if you're interested in people's experiences dealing with adulthood depression and/or coping with childhood trauma, it's worth a go.
Bits and pieces:
Grown-ups encourage kids who are mistreated to "tell an adult you trust." Are you kidding me? Do you think a violated kid trusts any adult? Kids aren't stupid—I know I sure wasn't. He convinced me that I was a troublemaker, so telling would only get me in more trouble. Keeping the secret was a practical survival decision. I did not believe the "truth would set me free." The truth would detonate a bomb in my life, opening me up to the added humiliation of embarrassment and trashed privacy, and everyone would know I was a bad kid and a thief, whereas if I just kept my mouth shut, it would pass. People who take advantage of other people—perpetrators of any harm or violation—know this. They count on it. The convenience of secrecy is the climate that allows them to thrive. (217)
I know shrinks are supposed to keep a neutral face, but I was gratified to see that she was clearly disgusted on my behalf.
Deep down, I think I was reluctant to talk about the abuse—as a child or as an adult—because I was afraid that people would think it wasn't really all that bad, and that I shouldn't complain. Or, even worse, I was afraid that people wouldn't believe me. (244)
I had never considered my memories of being shaken or yelled at to be "flashbacks" because they were perfectly accessible in my memory bank. They didn't show up in nightmares that woke me up screaming, and they didn't pop up during stressful situations, like a Hollywood movie montage. They sat there like grim pages in a childhood scrapbook that held a fair share of happy memories, too, like ballet class, and swinging on the swings with my sisters, finding Easter eggs, and starring in the third-grade class play. There was no emotional charge. (250)
This is a book about struggling to fit into the military world as a civilian partner (though Burana makes it clear from the outset that she does not mean to generalise her experience to anyone else's), but that ended up not being the part I found most compelling. In some ways the military end is incidental—more crucial was that, while this marriage was still very young, Burana fell into a depression that she struggled to pull herself out of, one that stemmed in part from abuse she'd experienced as a child. She's blunt about that depression (and abuse) in ways that sometimes felt like the best representations I'd seen of it in a book not explicitly about depression: I was fully, voluptuously miserable, and though I wouldn't admit it to anyone, I still dreamed of suicide. I guarded this secret, sweet as stolen candy. I could kill myself at any time. The only thing in my life that seemed entirely within my control was the ability to end it (261).
I don't know if I'd recommend this to someone interested in a military-wife sort of read, but if you're interested in people's experiences dealing with adulthood depression and/or coping with childhood trauma, it's worth a go.
Bits and pieces:
Grown-ups encourage kids who are mistreated to "tell an adult you trust." Are you kidding me? Do you think a violated kid trusts any adult? Kids aren't stupid—I know I sure wasn't. He convinced me that I was a troublemaker, so telling would only get me in more trouble. Keeping the secret was a practical survival decision. I did not believe the "truth would set me free." The truth would detonate a bomb in my life, opening me up to the added humiliation of embarrassment and trashed privacy, and everyone would know I was a bad kid and a thief, whereas if I just kept my mouth shut, it would pass. People who take advantage of other people—perpetrators of any harm or violation—know this. They count on it. The convenience of secrecy is the climate that allows them to thrive. (217)
I know shrinks are supposed to keep a neutral face, but I was gratified to see that she was clearly disgusted on my behalf.
Deep down, I think I was reluctant to talk about the abuse—as a child or as an adult—because I was afraid that people would think it wasn't really all that bad, and that I shouldn't complain. Or, even worse, I was afraid that people wouldn't believe me. (244)
I had never considered my memories of being shaken or yelled at to be "flashbacks" because they were perfectly accessible in my memory bank. They didn't show up in nightmares that woke me up screaming, and they didn't pop up during stressful situations, like a Hollywood movie montage. They sat there like grim pages in a childhood scrapbook that held a fair share of happy memories, too, like ballet class, and swinging on the swings with my sisters, finding Easter eggs, and starring in the third-grade class play. There was no emotional charge. (250)
April 23, 2009
You all know how I feel about memoirs: don't trust 'em. Not my fault, I've been hurt before. BUT, I found this book absolutely charming, brutally honest (sometimes more than I think I needed to know) and very entertaining. It starts off strong, giving you a picture of the "perfect" Army Wife and then Burana tells you she is not that woman. Usually, the best compliment I can give to a memoir is that it "reads like fiction". This, to me, means that it isn't slow or overly detailed or dry like some memoirs, but is fast paced with snappy dialogue like the best fiction books. This book is fast paced with snappy dialogue, but you never get the feeling that it isn't real. There is always something there, lingering in the background, that tethers you to the reality that this is someone's life.
The Iraq War looms large over this book. First in anticipation of Major Mike going, then while he is gone, and then when he comes back. Burana was mostly very respectful of the Army, both as an institution and the political leadership thereof, so if you're looking for a book that bad talks the military, or something along those lines, best to move along. It doesn't happen here. What you get here is a wonderful insight into her life as an Officer's wife, and the adjustments she had to make. The chapters on West Point were fascinating and informative, but there was also plenty of humor to be found in the book. I'd always wondered what real Army wives think of the show Army Wives for instance. (She is an addict. Like me.) And calling the military "Uncle Sugar" cracks me up for a reason I still cannot identify.
One of my favorite parts came near the end where Burana, sick about the atrocities at Abu Ghraib, came face to face with Donald Rumsfeld at the Army-Navy football game.
I'm glad she chose to break that silence to write this book. Very well done.
The Iraq War looms large over this book. First in anticipation of Major Mike going, then while he is gone, and then when he comes back. Burana was mostly very respectful of the Army, both as an institution and the political leadership thereof, so if you're looking for a book that bad talks the military, or something along those lines, best to move along. It doesn't happen here. What you get here is a wonderful insight into her life as an Officer's wife, and the adjustments she had to make. The chapters on West Point were fascinating and informative, but there was also plenty of humor to be found in the book. I'd always wondered what real Army wives think of the show Army Wives for instance. (She is an addict. Like me.) And calling the military "Uncle Sugar" cracks me up for a reason I still cannot identify.
One of my favorite parts came near the end where Burana, sick about the atrocities at Abu Ghraib, came face to face with Donald Rumsfeld at the Army-Navy football game.
Shifting back and forth, I weighed the possible outcome of saying something to her husband, and no matter how angry I was over the hell that Rumsfeld and his crw had wrought, all I could envision were my words casting a long, dark shadow over my husband. For all my fury and indignation I would not win this war with a personal attack, and by Rumsfeld on the spot, I would be serving no one but myself. What he did to our contry might be unforgiveable, but so, too, would be turning a football game into my own personal bully pulpit. My husband committed to a vocation of selfless service and sacrifice. I would match his sacrifice with discretion. For the first time in my loudmouth life, I chose impassioned silence.
I'm glad she chose to break that silence to write this book. Very well done.
February 6, 2011
I appreciate the brevity of this book, and this officer's wife was incredibly brave to bare her family's problems to the entire world. Coming from a military family, I understand how difficult it is for an officer's wife to portray her marriage as anything other than perfect. However, her problems are not new problems among military families; they are actually quite common. There are literally thousands of families that deal with the stresses of military life every single day. Some spouses are from military families, and some aren't, but the time soldiers now have to spend apart from their families has been greatly increased due to U.S. commitments in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Being someone who has grown up in the military, I feel like Mrs. Burana was a bit whiny. It's never easy, but thousands of other spouses find a way to deal with the stress of being married without their family collapsing, so I have difficulty sympathizing with her experiences.
I do not recommend this for military wives. While her problems happen to military spouses, her way of dealing with her problems were unhealthy and counterproductive. If you marry into the Army, you know what you're getting into, and I have difficulty sympathizing with her plight considering her husband deployed once and spent the rest of the time in the book in a cushy job at West Point. I know families that have gone through 3 or 4 deployments, dealing with the same problems, and are not as whiny as Burana.
I do not recommend this for military wives. While her problems happen to military spouses, her way of dealing with her problems were unhealthy and counterproductive. If you marry into the Army, you know what you're getting into, and I have difficulty sympathizing with her plight considering her husband deployed once and spent the rest of the time in the book in a cushy job at West Point. I know families that have gone through 3 or 4 deployments, dealing with the same problems, and are not as whiny as Burana.
September 26, 2012
This book was a joke. Ms. Burana does NOT represent the Army wife community in any aspect. Well, maybe the fact she was a former stripper, as some Army wives are. The similarities stop there. While her experiences are... Interesting, there is not a shred of "typical" anywhere in them. She marries an officer, has no children, yet still manages to whine about being "so depressed " about living in strange places and not fitting in. The whole time I read this book I wanted to take it and pound someone over the head with it. As an Army wife myself I wanted to tell Ms. Burana to try being an enlisted wife, on a small income, with five kids to feed and clothe and take care of alone while your husband deploys over and over and over, instead of the pitiful one deployment her husband had- where he mainly stayed on the FOB. Her selfishness that resulted in the separation from her husband turned my stomach. The next time someone puts out a book on what it's like to be an Army wife, please do not use an author who is such a whiny, selfish woman with almost zero responsibility. We have special names for these kinds of wives. And none of them are good.
March 7, 2009
Great memoir! Burana wrote about so much more than a man in uniform. Painfully honest, Burana shares her soul and writes about love, absence, stripping, life-altering changes, childhood abuse, depression, and post traumatic stress disorder. Beautifully written, incredibly engaging, heartbreakingly sad yet ultimately triumphant – it was a roller coaster of emotions but Burana is eloquent and clear. I was captivated by the details of Army life, the stripping industry, and PTSD.
September 1, 2009
Although I claim to be a big fan of the memoir genre, I will admit that eventually in every memoir, I find myself irritated. I start reframing the story the author was trying to tell in coulda, woulda, shoulda. Memoirist authors re-construct their feelings and reactions into a narrative arc, and we get so deep into their thought processes that I face the threat of the too familiar, and that kind of knowing kind of becomes annoying. This was particularly the case with I Love a Man in Uniform (cute title). Why was I so bothered by a former stripper/Playboy model who married an Army Officer and their bouts with PTSD and depression? Then it hit me. I didn’t want to know. I don’t want to think about the men and women who actively serve and fight in our country’s name (and indirectly for me and my children). It is hard to confront the idea that while these men are risking their lives that the marriages they’ve built and the women that they love are falling apart.
These women are expected to endure long lapses away from their husbands, are forced to constantly fear for their loved ones safety, and are routinely subjected to the deaths of friends and colleagues. Military women must hold strong when there husbands come home changed. They alone answer their children’s difficult questions. They do all of this while single handedly maintaining a household which they are expected to do perfectly and with a smile. What is the likely outcome of that sort of pressure? Of course it is depression.
The book’s first half starts with a lot of details of military life and the expected protocol for a wife, and there is also the obligatory ‘perspective thoughts on stripping’ chapter. While these stories are entertaining, it takes some time for Bettina to come to the meat of her story. So all the cute kitschy titles and anecdotes aside, this book is an honest look at the long term costs of war and service. Honestly told as only someone who was accustomed to putting herself out there could tell. So as well-written, and smart as this book is, it is still tough to read. Eye-opening, though-provoking, and gratitude inducing--this story works its heart breaking affects long after you’ve finished reading.
These women are expected to endure long lapses away from their husbands, are forced to constantly fear for their loved ones safety, and are routinely subjected to the deaths of friends and colleagues. Military women must hold strong when there husbands come home changed. They alone answer their children’s difficult questions. They do all of this while single handedly maintaining a household which they are expected to do perfectly and with a smile. What is the likely outcome of that sort of pressure? Of course it is depression.
The book’s first half starts with a lot of details of military life and the expected protocol for a wife, and there is also the obligatory ‘perspective thoughts on stripping’ chapter. While these stories are entertaining, it takes some time for Bettina to come to the meat of her story. So all the cute kitschy titles and anecdotes aside, this book is an honest look at the long term costs of war and service. Honestly told as only someone who was accustomed to putting herself out there could tell. So as well-written, and smart as this book is, it is still tough to read. Eye-opening, though-provoking, and gratitude inducing--this story works its heart breaking affects long after you’ve finished reading.
September 7, 2016
This was one of the most unlikely things I'd ever have guessed I would read. I found it in my favorite home-town used book store, and I read the blurb on the back. Huh. Might actually be interesting.
Though I myself come from a family with lots of military folk, I have opposed every war in which the US involved itself, and I consider the American Civil War the last truly righteous US war. But I could see that this memoir had an outsider's point of view, and from my (strangely many) friends who do come from military backgrounds, I had figured out that the military is a culture unto itself. So...how would a former stripper accommodate herself to a military lifestyle? And just how does a former exotic dancer end up marrying into the military...to an officer, no less?
See what I mean? It really does leave a swirl of question marks dancing in the air around it.
I can't quote from the book, because I bought it, read it, and gave it to (who else?) a friend whose family was military, before I found Goodreads. But I will tell you this: it is a story like no other. And if, like me, you want to avoid smut in your reading material, relax. This story is not about sex. It's about the fear many of us have of what would happen if someone important to us finds out who we really are, or at least, used to be.
In the author's case, the problem is exponential. Not only is her marriage on the line (because she kept this nugget to herself until after they'd both said "I do"), but all of the new friendships she has found on the base may fold up around her and exclude her, talk about her if this thing becomes known.
It's enough to drive a woman to a nervous breakdown.
Whether you are military, a peacenik, or just a person who loves an absorbing memoir, this is unique and very readable. Recommended for all, except children.
Though I myself come from a family with lots of military folk, I have opposed every war in which the US involved itself, and I consider the American Civil War the last truly righteous US war. But I could see that this memoir had an outsider's point of view, and from my (strangely many) friends who do come from military backgrounds, I had figured out that the military is a culture unto itself. So...how would a former stripper accommodate herself to a military lifestyle? And just how does a former exotic dancer end up marrying into the military...to an officer, no less?
See what I mean? It really does leave a swirl of question marks dancing in the air around it.
I can't quote from the book, because I bought it, read it, and gave it to (who else?) a friend whose family was military, before I found Goodreads. But I will tell you this: it is a story like no other. And if, like me, you want to avoid smut in your reading material, relax. This story is not about sex. It's about the fear many of us have of what would happen if someone important to us finds out who we really are, or at least, used to be.
In the author's case, the problem is exponential. Not only is her marriage on the line (because she kept this nugget to herself until after they'd both said "I do"), but all of the new friendships she has found on the base may fold up around her and exclude her, talk about her if this thing becomes known.
It's enough to drive a woman to a nervous breakdown.
Whether you are military, a peacenik, or just a person who loves an absorbing memoir, this is unique and very readable. Recommended for all, except children.
August 11, 2012
This book couldn't have come at a better time for me. My mom actually recommended it to me because the general story reminded her of my life. No, I'm not a former stripper, but I am a very liberal, some might even say radical, in love with an Army officer. Believe me, if you told me in 2003 when I was in the streets of Austin protesting the Iraq invasion that 6 years later I would be plastering a yellow ribbon on my car in support of my boyfriend going off to Afghanistan I not only would have laughed in your face, but probably would have spit in it too. Nowadays, I read this book as I watched a battalion pack for war, and understood way too much of what Ms. Burana described, from first hand knowledge. I too know Mrs. PerfectArmyWife, she is watching everything that I do too. She is judging me because my boyfriend and I have been living in sin and refuse to marry just because he is going to war. She is there at every coffee I go to, reminding me that I shouldn't say such and such, because it will get back to my boyfriend's boss. She is there at the deployment, reminding me that the commanders wife (read girlfriend) shouldn't cry, because that sets a bad example). Ms. Burana, however, isn't judging me...she's on my side...talking back to Mrs. PerfectArmyWife and telling her that support comes in all varieties, and Army wives (and girlfriends and fiancees) can not all be placed in perfect little packages...we're as unique as the soldiers that we love.
February 10, 2012
I discovered Lily Burana when I read her rodeo romance Try, so when I got the chance to read I Love a Man in Uniform, I had to take it. I'm very glad I did even though it wasn't the book I was expecting. The cover and the blurb led me to believe I was going to get a fun read, and there were parts of it that were. I mean, come on, an ex-stripper wild child marrying an Army Military Intelligence officer? That's gotta be one of the ultimate worlds-collide stories. And it is. Lily didn't have an easy time adjusting to life as an Army wife. There's lots of rules--both written and unwritten--for the wife of an officer. Also a lot of loneliness when he ships of the Middle East soon after their marriage. When he gets back the trouble really starts. I learned a lot about PTSD that I didn't know because not only was he suffering from it, but so was Lily (though hers was of the developmental type--which I knew nothing about.)
An added bonus was the glimpses of West Point, where he was stationed after returning. (And if you like that sort of thing, I highly recommend Soldier's Heart: Reading Literature Through Peace and War at West Point.
An added bonus was the glimpses of West Point, where he was stationed after returning. (And if you like that sort of thing, I highly recommend Soldier's Heart: Reading Literature Through Peace and War at West Point.
April 5, 2010
This memoir was a roller coaster that I enjoyed, hated, enjoyed, cried on and enjoyed again.
My husband served in the Army for 8 years. He stayed on two years more than his required six, leaving only when I was pregnant with our second son. I related to so very much in this book, from the feelings of alienation to being different to the constant feeling of fear.
I feel that Burana is a wonderful, witty writer and, as a freelance writer, I loved how she said she got writer's block with her first assignment. (I can write until the cow's come home unless I have a BIG PROJECT on the line. Figures!) I felt that the way she described so many things was spot on and I commend her bravery in attempting this book. Personally, I haven't written much about my time as an Army Wife. Even though my husband is no longer in the Army, I still have a healthy fear, which any military wife understands.
I do love this book. I almost wish I had purchased it instead of borrowing it from the library. I just wish I could meet Burana and tell her my own story, share a bit and give her a great big hug. While I may not have been a stripper, I had my own skeletons in the closet that I deeply feared being found out at the time. I think, perhaps, so many of us, Army wives or otherwise, feel that fear so deeply. We're never alone and this book hits that truth so perfectly.
My husband served in the Army for 8 years. He stayed on two years more than his required six, leaving only when I was pregnant with our second son. I related to so very much in this book, from the feelings of alienation to being different to the constant feeling of fear.
I feel that Burana is a wonderful, witty writer and, as a freelance writer, I loved how she said she got writer's block with her first assignment. (I can write until the cow's come home unless I have a BIG PROJECT on the line. Figures!) I felt that the way she described so many things was spot on and I commend her bravery in attempting this book. Personally, I haven't written much about my time as an Army Wife. Even though my husband is no longer in the Army, I still have a healthy fear, which any military wife understands.
I do love this book. I almost wish I had purchased it instead of borrowing it from the library. I just wish I could meet Burana and tell her my own story, share a bit and give her a great big hug. While I may not have been a stripper, I had my own skeletons in the closet that I deeply feared being found out at the time. I think, perhaps, so many of us, Army wives or otherwise, feel that fear so deeply. We're never alone and this book hits that truth so perfectly.
June 30, 2009
I feel a little cruel . I know what Lily Burana experienced was remarkable to her. But in her telling, it's far less remarkable for this particular reader.
I picked this up based on reviews positioning it as a story of opposites--riot girl former stripper and military guy--falling for each other and struggling with love and war. But Burana and her husband seem like two peas in a pod from the very beginning, so no tension there. Burana apparently falls immediately in love with the military tradition thus offering a superficial insider's tour lacking the depth and detail that would make it feel authentic.
Then her husband leaves for Iraq and everything blurs together. This very well may be how it felt to her, but that's not so swell for the reader.
Then he comes back and surprise! It's Burana who has the meltdown. And here's where I feel cruelest of all. I'm sure her depression was quite painful. But I've not only read a bunch of accounts of depression, I've suffered it myself. And there was nothing new here.
I just didn't find what I was looking for in this book. Maybe that's my problem.
I picked this up based on reviews positioning it as a story of opposites--riot girl former stripper and military guy--falling for each other and struggling with love and war. But Burana and her husband seem like two peas in a pod from the very beginning, so no tension there. Burana apparently falls immediately in love with the military tradition thus offering a superficial insider's tour lacking the depth and detail that would make it feel authentic.
Then her husband leaves for Iraq and everything blurs together. This very well may be how it felt to her, but that's not so swell for the reader.
Then he comes back and surprise! It's Burana who has the meltdown. And here's where I feel cruelest of all. I'm sure her depression was quite painful. But I've not only read a bunch of accounts of depression, I've suffered it myself. And there was nothing new here.
I just didn't find what I was looking for in this book. Maybe that's my problem.
April 30, 2009
I found this memoir a little annoying. While the begining is fast and gets you going along. You find yourself falling in love with both the author and her husband, soon enough you are BORED. You can only read about her stuggles with depression for fifty pages before you want to throw the book down (which I almost did). I'd suggest military spouces read it if you are bored, other then that I wouldn't suggest it.
April 15, 2025
I found this book at my local thrift shop and decided to read it out of curiosity. I enjoy the art of storytelling and definitely learnt more about PTSD and how it affects both soldiers and civilians. However, I would have appreciated more depth to the story and more reflection. I know as a military wife you probably can't go too in-depth about your true feelings towards war and the particular war her husband was fighting but I think it would have appreciated more insight on that and how that might have challenged her own personal views and values. it would have been nice to also have seen her challenge and reflect on stripping and its implications (not just for her but also in a societal sense). From my understanding, she has another book which might uncover the latter a bit more (?) but I just felt this book lacked something for me. I also felt I was unable to connect to some of the references made throughout the text, such as pop culture comments.
January 27, 2018
As a retired Navy wife, I read this book for insight into the other service. Burana is an excellent writer with clever turns of phrase. I enjoyed sections a great deal, but didn't want to read about the stripping life.
The book is insightful as a reminder that not all military wives are alike and the challenges of finding who you can best be within your husband's career. Her chapters about enduring a deployment are important for any military spouse--it's incredibly difficult, emotionally draining, and full of challenges you could never anticipate. Having children makes it both easier and harder.
The book is insightful as a reminder that not all military wives are alike and the challenges of finding who you can best be within your husband's career. Her chapters about enduring a deployment are important for any military spouse--it's incredibly difficult, emotionally draining, and full of challenges you could never anticipate. Having children makes it both easier and harder.
July 16, 2022
Read the first two chapters and knew this book was not for me. Title should have been, I married a Man in Uniform and became a Drama Queen.
April 16, 2020
This book was recommended to me by a friend who NEVER recommends books. I figured, if she loved it enough to take time out of her busy day to message me and tell me to read this, then it must be wonderful! Unfortunately, I didn't quite get that feeling. Now, I'm going to TRY and word this review so I don't sound like a completely insensitive jerk, but I may fail. Ok...here goes.
I don't know much AT ALL about Army life. My husband is a Navy Officer aboard submarines. My father served over 20 years as an enlisted crew member on subs, having joined literally, the day after I was born (I'm 29). So every single day of my life I have been surrounded by the United States Navy and its submarine fleet. That said, it was very difficult for me to relate to Lily coming into the military life so late in the game. I did, however really enjoy the beginning chapters of the book. Her outlook on the military is much like my own. I can't stand the snooty officer wives who wear their husbands rank, or the pressure some commands can put on you to be the 'Perfect Military Spouse'.
She lost me however with the whole mental breakdown (this is where I'm going to end up sounding like a jerk). I understand it can be tough to deal with big changes. I also understand people get depressed, or bummed, or have bad days/weeks. But what she did to her husband absolutely infuriated me. So much so that I had to put the book down for a while (I'll admit though, when I picked it back up and continued reading, she did redeem herself a bit in the end). My outlook on military marriages is (I have been married 7 years now)...Our husbands have ENOUGH to worry about at work, whether they're Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marines...they should NEVER have to question the ONE thing they should always be able to take solace in...their marriage. Now, (before y'all bite my head off), I understand military couples go through rough patches and many get divorced (I myself am divorced from an enlisted submariner who I married while still VERY young), but for EIGHTEEN MONTHS Lily didn't want to be with her husband, yet she also didn't want to divorce him. THAT is what I had such a problem with. That for eighteen months her husband had the added stress of wondering day after day, night after night whether or not his wife was ever going to come back home.
Anyway, as I said, in the end, my anger at her subsided a bit. Her and her husband worked through their problems (this info can be found on the flap, I'm not putting out any spoilers here) and she was able to finally get comfortable in her role as Officer's Wife. I don't know how many times I thought while reading this 'Wow, she sounds REALLY cool. I sure wish some of my fellow wives were as laid back as she was.' While I may not have agreed with how she handled some things, I overall, really liked her. You may be thinking, 'Well, it's HER marriage and who the heck are YOU to judge her?'...you're absolutely right. However, she did write this book about it, so that kinda opens her up to other people's opinions.
Would I recommend this? Well, it really depends on who you're recommending it to. A die-hard military spouse who's been living this lifestyle for years? Absolutely not. It would only make them very angry. A new wife who's struggling to fit into the crazy life of the United States Military? Most definitely. I think Lily's book will help many wives get a grip on all the changes they're experiencing, and the thoughts that are going through their heads...it just wasn't up MY alley.
I don't know much AT ALL about Army life. My husband is a Navy Officer aboard submarines. My father served over 20 years as an enlisted crew member on subs, having joined literally, the day after I was born (I'm 29). So every single day of my life I have been surrounded by the United States Navy and its submarine fleet. That said, it was very difficult for me to relate to Lily coming into the military life so late in the game. I did, however really enjoy the beginning chapters of the book. Her outlook on the military is much like my own. I can't stand the snooty officer wives who wear their husbands rank, or the pressure some commands can put on you to be the 'Perfect Military Spouse'.
She lost me however with the whole mental breakdown (this is where I'm going to end up sounding like a jerk). I understand it can be tough to deal with big changes. I also understand people get depressed, or bummed, or have bad days/weeks. But what she did to her husband absolutely infuriated me. So much so that I had to put the book down for a while (I'll admit though, when I picked it back up and continued reading, she did redeem herself a bit in the end). My outlook on military marriages is (I have been married 7 years now)...Our husbands have ENOUGH to worry about at work, whether they're Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marines...they should NEVER have to question the ONE thing they should always be able to take solace in...their marriage. Now, (before y'all bite my head off), I understand military couples go through rough patches and many get divorced (I myself am divorced from an enlisted submariner who I married while still VERY young), but for EIGHTEEN MONTHS Lily didn't want to be with her husband, yet she also didn't want to divorce him. THAT is what I had such a problem with. That for eighteen months her husband had the added stress of wondering day after day, night after night whether or not his wife was ever going to come back home.
Anyway, as I said, in the end, my anger at her subsided a bit. Her and her husband worked through their problems (this info can be found on the flap, I'm not putting out any spoilers here) and she was able to finally get comfortable in her role as Officer's Wife. I don't know how many times I thought while reading this 'Wow, she sounds REALLY cool. I sure wish some of my fellow wives were as laid back as she was.' While I may not have agreed with how she handled some things, I overall, really liked her. You may be thinking, 'Well, it's HER marriage and who the heck are YOU to judge her?'...you're absolutely right. However, she did write this book about it, so that kinda opens her up to other people's opinions.
Would I recommend this? Well, it really depends on who you're recommending it to. A die-hard military spouse who's been living this lifestyle for years? Absolutely not. It would only make them very angry. A new wife who's struggling to fit into the crazy life of the United States Military? Most definitely. I think Lily's book will help many wives get a grip on all the changes they're experiencing, and the thoughts that are going through their heads...it just wasn't up MY alley.
January 13, 2011
The book really illustrates some of my conflicting views on supporting the troops, but being troubled with what they do. It was really relevant to my life when I read it.
Here are some quotes that resonated with me:
You know what's hot about soldiers? They know things, important things about protection and survival. The great outdoors is the great unknown to me, and to revere my man as a sage of this realm had real meaning. He taught me about chewing match heads so mosquitoes don't bite you-- they are repelled by the sulfur in your bloodstream, and how to scare away coyotes nosing around your tent by making a coyote shaker out of a handful of pennies in an empty soda can sealed up with duct tape.
You know what else is hot about soldiers? They've done things. When we met, Mike's accomplishments were a big attraction, and that only ramped up when we knew he was leaving for the war, which would not be called The Iraq War by the military conversant, but rather, it would be folded into the larger, ongoing Global War on Terrorism, a.k.a. GWOT, sounding in its pronunciation-- "G-WOT!" -- like a sound effect from Japanese anime. He was about to accomplish yet another significant feat.
Within the soldier's outsize capability and experience is the humble element of purpose. There's something deeply stirring about a man responding to the call of duty, and in hearing war stories delivered with a strong dose of modesty. At the core, being a soldier means possessing an unself-conscious capability. Selfless service is one of the Army values. It's also a powerful aphrodisiac. A firm body catches your eye, but firm beliefs capture your heart.
While "no one hates war more than a soldier," as Mike frequently reminded me before he left, and I knew he didn't want to go, it would have been infinitely worse if he hadn't. He didn't become an Army officer because he wanted to slack. He wanted to serve, and to be deprived of that opportunity, by fate or circumstance, would be a gut-shot to his well-being, to his identity as a soldier. "Devotion is not a uniform to be worn on certain days and then to be put aside," the spiritual leader Sri Sathya Sai Babe once said. Anybody can mosey down to the Army/Navy surplus and pick up some camouflage or a dress blue to wear, but it wouldn't have the same effect as the real deal. The uniform itself is not what attracts us, it's the character of the man who wears it."
"I'm not one to advocate a retro gender politics -- I want to see women as surgeons and soldiers, politicians and mothers and more. But after two centuries of feminism, I still prefer a man to open the car doors and the pickle jars. There are politics and then there are preferences, and all desire for equality aside, I'd be bereft without the masculine touch. It's that cavewoman thing, a crazy howl from the primal depths. In the wild jungle of the female heart, it's two steps forward, one step back in this ancient mating dance -- I like a strong lead, as both a standard to meet and a guiding light to follow. Parity between the sexes is one thing, respect for essential difference is quite another. The two exist, like man and woman, in ways that flatter and complement each other. I'm woman enough to boldly state my appreciation for male strength as embodied by the American soldier. For those of us who love a man in uniform, might makes Mr. Right.
Here are some quotes that resonated with me:
You know what's hot about soldiers? They know things, important things about protection and survival. The great outdoors is the great unknown to me, and to revere my man as a sage of this realm had real meaning. He taught me about chewing match heads so mosquitoes don't bite you-- they are repelled by the sulfur in your bloodstream, and how to scare away coyotes nosing around your tent by making a coyote shaker out of a handful of pennies in an empty soda can sealed up with duct tape.
You know what else is hot about soldiers? They've done things. When we met, Mike's accomplishments were a big attraction, and that only ramped up when we knew he was leaving for the war, which would not be called The Iraq War by the military conversant, but rather, it would be folded into the larger, ongoing Global War on Terrorism, a.k.a. GWOT, sounding in its pronunciation-- "G-WOT!" -- like a sound effect from Japanese anime. He was about to accomplish yet another significant feat.
Within the soldier's outsize capability and experience is the humble element of purpose. There's something deeply stirring about a man responding to the call of duty, and in hearing war stories delivered with a strong dose of modesty. At the core, being a soldier means possessing an unself-conscious capability. Selfless service is one of the Army values. It's also a powerful aphrodisiac. A firm body catches your eye, but firm beliefs capture your heart.
While "no one hates war more than a soldier," as Mike frequently reminded me before he left, and I knew he didn't want to go, it would have been infinitely worse if he hadn't. He didn't become an Army officer because he wanted to slack. He wanted to serve, and to be deprived of that opportunity, by fate or circumstance, would be a gut-shot to his well-being, to his identity as a soldier. "Devotion is not a uniform to be worn on certain days and then to be put aside," the spiritual leader Sri Sathya Sai Babe once said. Anybody can mosey down to the Army/Navy surplus and pick up some camouflage or a dress blue to wear, but it wouldn't have the same effect as the real deal. The uniform itself is not what attracts us, it's the character of the man who wears it."
"I'm not one to advocate a retro gender politics -- I want to see women as surgeons and soldiers, politicians and mothers and more. But after two centuries of feminism, I still prefer a man to open the car doors and the pickle jars. There are politics and then there are preferences, and all desire for equality aside, I'd be bereft without the masculine touch. It's that cavewoman thing, a crazy howl from the primal depths. In the wild jungle of the female heart, it's two steps forward, one step back in this ancient mating dance -- I like a strong lead, as both a standard to meet and a guiding light to follow. Parity between the sexes is one thing, respect for essential difference is quite another. The two exist, like man and woman, in ways that flatter and complement each other. I'm woman enough to boldly state my appreciation for male strength as embodied by the American soldier. For those of us who love a man in uniform, might makes Mr. Right.
July 27, 2010
Lily Burana: reformed punk rocker, child rebel, former stripper, Army Officer's wife. Wha-what??? If you are like me, you just had to do a double take there. But that's right Lily Burana is all of those things and more.
I Love a Man in Uniform is Lily's memoir of how she met, fell in love with and married Mike, her Army Officer husband.
But this is not simply a love story. This is not one of those gooey novels that make you feel sticky just reading it. This story includes a lot of self doubt, hurt, anger, sacrifice and loss.
Lily and Mike's story is like so many others. But what separates them is that Lily talks about it. She talks about the uncertainty of being a 'war bride.' She reveals the struggles with depression during deployment. She dives head first into the controversial topic of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Lily never planned to marry a soldier. In fact, the day she met Mike she had no idea that was the moment that would change her life forever. But when love hits, it hits hard. There's no stopping it. That's exactly what happened to Lily and Mike.
In true military fashion, the courtship and marriage were on no one's time line but the military's. However, Lily would endure for the man she chose as her life's partner. She gave up her home, her security, her dream wedding, her confidence. Just to be married to Mike.
Lily has a voice that is raw, real and emotional. She leaves nothing out. She describes the scathing looks and criticism she faced from the 'higher ranking wives.' She offers a glimpse into the truth behind the 'perfect military family.' And she constantly runs from the 'Perfect Army Wife' and her never ending disapproval.
Through it all - the condemnation, depression, deployment and self hatred there is finally a chance for healing, acceptance and ultimately...happiness.
Lily's story is one that so many military spouses experience but very few are brave enough to admit. She is honest, revealing, heartfelt and genuine. This book offers merely a glimpse into the difficulties military spouses face on a day to day basis.
That being said, I realize that I cannot truly generalize. I identified with this woman so much that her story and hardships resonate within my soul. So maybe I'm wrong. Maybe other military spouses do not experience these same issues. But I have. I do. As have several of my closest military spouse friends. Do you? I challenge you to read Lily's story and find out.
I Love a Man in Uniform is Lily's memoir of how she met, fell in love with and married Mike, her Army Officer husband.
But this is not simply a love story. This is not one of those gooey novels that make you feel sticky just reading it. This story includes a lot of self doubt, hurt, anger, sacrifice and loss.
Lily and Mike's story is like so many others. But what separates them is that Lily talks about it. She talks about the uncertainty of being a 'war bride.' She reveals the struggles with depression during deployment. She dives head first into the controversial topic of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Lily never planned to marry a soldier. In fact, the day she met Mike she had no idea that was the moment that would change her life forever. But when love hits, it hits hard. There's no stopping it. That's exactly what happened to Lily and Mike.
In true military fashion, the courtship and marriage were on no one's time line but the military's. However, Lily would endure for the man she chose as her life's partner. She gave up her home, her security, her dream wedding, her confidence. Just to be married to Mike.
Lily has a voice that is raw, real and emotional. She leaves nothing out. She describes the scathing looks and criticism she faced from the 'higher ranking wives.' She offers a glimpse into the truth behind the 'perfect military family.' And she constantly runs from the 'Perfect Army Wife' and her never ending disapproval.
Through it all - the condemnation, depression, deployment and self hatred there is finally a chance for healing, acceptance and ultimately...happiness.
Lily's story is one that so many military spouses experience but very few are brave enough to admit. She is honest, revealing, heartfelt and genuine. This book offers merely a glimpse into the difficulties military spouses face on a day to day basis.
That being said, I realize that I cannot truly generalize. I identified with this woman so much that her story and hardships resonate within my soul. So maybe I'm wrong. Maybe other military spouses do not experience these same issues. But I have. I do. As have several of my closest military spouse friends. Do you? I challenge you to read Lily's story and find out.
July 21, 2010
I’ll start off by readily admitting, I am probably not completely objective when it comes to books about military wives. But I do believe this one is particularly appealing to a broader audience than others. This is not a how-to-be-a-milspouse book, rather a fascinating memoir.
After writing her critically acclaimed memoir Strip City: A Stripper's Farewell Journey Across America, about her previous life as a punk-rock stripper, Lily Burana met and fell in love with Mike, an Army Intelligence officer stationed at West Point. This book is about her journey into the world of all things Army. Although it does have many humorous moments, this memoir is so much more. In fact, I think you should read this even if you have nothing to do with the military, because of Burana’s powerful recanting of her own struggle with PTSD. Yes, you read that right, not her husband’s struggle with PTSD from deployment to a war zone, but Burana’s battle with PTSD from events that happened to her as a very young child. Her illness manifests itself after her husband’s first deployment and the stress of trying to be a “perfect” military wife, but it stemmed from her childhood. As she struggled with her own past and fears, Burana learned how to accept who she is and address her anxiety in a pro-active manner using a revolutionary new therapeutic technique called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). (Read more about EMDR here.)
This book is easy to read, but will still move you to tears and laughter. I don’t think I can say it any better than Diablo Cody, the Academy Award-winning writer of Juno, “Equal parts cultural studies professor and bombshell geek, Lily Burana teases words into impossibly satisfying configurations. Her sparkling prose is like brain tonic in a coconut shell—it’s packaged so whimsically we forget we’re being schooled.”
After writing her critically acclaimed memoir Strip City: A Stripper's Farewell Journey Across America, about her previous life as a punk-rock stripper, Lily Burana met and fell in love with Mike, an Army Intelligence officer stationed at West Point. This book is about her journey into the world of all things Army. Although it does have many humorous moments, this memoir is so much more. In fact, I think you should read this even if you have nothing to do with the military, because of Burana’s powerful recanting of her own struggle with PTSD. Yes, you read that right, not her husband’s struggle with PTSD from deployment to a war zone, but Burana’s battle with PTSD from events that happened to her as a very young child. Her illness manifests itself after her husband’s first deployment and the stress of trying to be a “perfect” military wife, but it stemmed from her childhood. As she struggled with her own past and fears, Burana learned how to accept who she is and address her anxiety in a pro-active manner using a revolutionary new therapeutic technique called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). (Read more about EMDR here.)
This book is easy to read, but will still move you to tears and laughter. I don’t think I can say it any better than Diablo Cody, the Academy Award-winning writer of Juno, “Equal parts cultural studies professor and bombshell geek, Lily Burana teases words into impossibly satisfying configurations. Her sparkling prose is like brain tonic in a coconut shell—it’s packaged so whimsically we forget we’re being schooled.”
September 1, 2011
Lily Brana delves into just about every aspect of the military life in one enjoyable and fun read. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the humbling. The dynamics of military wives and the, at times, ancient practices of the military community. Rank, the Army alphabet, protocol, and so much more. this book was eye opening and really gave me a greater understanding for what I would face in the military world. As a military spouse you give up just about everything to play the role as devoted and loyal Army wife. Burana points out that you don't have to sacrifice who you are for your country and that loving a man in uniform doesn't have to mean losing yourself.
I read this book as a new Army wife. It was eye opening and thought provoking. The tone was funny and relatable and felt more like a conversation with a fellow Army wife then it felt like I was reading a book.
The military life is highly misunderstood. The role as a military wife is even more foreign. military wives can be painted in one of two lights. The unfaithful woman who cheats when her husband deploys and mooches off the system...often naive and unprepared for the struggles she'll face. Or the proper, perfect military wife who is the support and heart of her military man. The military spouse is greatly underestimated and this book really delves into what we are military wives are capable of. And in addition, it portrays the struggle we face in a true and honest light.
We're not all perfect and patriotic; providing endless support and zero resistance. We feel the tug at our hearts when or soldier deploys or trains for lengths of time. We feel the sacrifice when we move away from what we know and put our careers on the back burner. This book doesn't encourage Army wives to rebel by any means, it simply lets them know that they're not alone and that it does get better if you make the proper steps in the right direction. Lily Burana brings to light the fact that military spouses can do both. Be a supportive wife and stand on her own two feet.
Above all else, this book lets military spouses know that they don't have to sacrifice who they are to be there for their soldier.
I read this book as a new Army wife. It was eye opening and thought provoking. The tone was funny and relatable and felt more like a conversation with a fellow Army wife then it felt like I was reading a book.
The military life is highly misunderstood. The role as a military wife is even more foreign. military wives can be painted in one of two lights. The unfaithful woman who cheats when her husband deploys and mooches off the system...often naive and unprepared for the struggles she'll face. Or the proper, perfect military wife who is the support and heart of her military man. The military spouse is greatly underestimated and this book really delves into what we are military wives are capable of. And in addition, it portrays the struggle we face in a true and honest light.
We're not all perfect and patriotic; providing endless support and zero resistance. We feel the tug at our hearts when or soldier deploys or trains for lengths of time. We feel the sacrifice when we move away from what we know and put our careers on the back burner. This book doesn't encourage Army wives to rebel by any means, it simply lets them know that they're not alone and that it does get better if you make the proper steps in the right direction. Lily Burana brings to light the fact that military spouses can do both. Be a supportive wife and stand on her own two feet.
Above all else, this book lets military spouses know that they don't have to sacrifice who they are to be there for their soldier.
September 26, 2012
Another fave from this week was I Love a Man in Uniform, by Lily Burana. As you know, I’m engaged to someone in the military, so I am somewhat obsessed with reading about military spouses. This book didn’t disappoint.
Burana was an exotic dancer, a punk rocker, and generally a wild child. Yet despite her preconceived notions of conservative, straight-laced military guys, she ends up falling in love with a man in the Army. She describes their courtship, how her assumptions about him were wrong, and their subsequent relationship and marriage. Burana was, and still is, her own person and very much so. I loved how strong she was in her convictions and how she embodied so many contradictions. She was unapologetic about her past stripping with her husband, but worried about how her history might affect his career if others found out. She also worried about whether she was too “out there” for the other military wives, something I’ve often wondered myself.
This is not to say that Burana didn’t experience any hardship. Despite her kickass attitude, she still experienced difficulty during her husband’s deployment. The couple also faced a huge conflict when they each dealt with emotional and mental health issues.
But in the end, Burana comes across as a strong woman and someone who adds a splash of pizazz to an otherwise vanilla-seeming Army life. Her Operation Bombshell sounds like a total success and she clearly found a way of turning her talents and past into something that can enhance the lives of the wives! She’s an inspiration, and gives me hope that I’ll find some kickass friends when I’m a military wife too!
Burana was an exotic dancer, a punk rocker, and generally a wild child. Yet despite her preconceived notions of conservative, straight-laced military guys, she ends up falling in love with a man in the Army. She describes their courtship, how her assumptions about him were wrong, and their subsequent relationship and marriage. Burana was, and still is, her own person and very much so. I loved how strong she was in her convictions and how she embodied so many contradictions. She was unapologetic about her past stripping with her husband, but worried about how her history might affect his career if others found out. She also worried about whether she was too “out there” for the other military wives, something I’ve often wondered myself.
This is not to say that Burana didn’t experience any hardship. Despite her kickass attitude, she still experienced difficulty during her husband’s deployment. The couple also faced a huge conflict when they each dealt with emotional and mental health issues.
But in the end, Burana comes across as a strong woman and someone who adds a splash of pizazz to an otherwise vanilla-seeming Army life. Her Operation Bombshell sounds like a total success and she clearly found a way of turning her talents and past into something that can enhance the lives of the wives! She’s an inspiration, and gives me hope that I’ll find some kickass friends when I’m a military wife too!
August 2, 2011
I Love A Man In Uniform: A Memoir of Love, War and Other Battles by Lily Burana was at times funny, at other times heart-breaking, and all-of-the-time honest and true. Ms. Burana, a former stripper, meets an Army officer and falls in love. They get married soon before Mike, her husband, deploys following 9/11, and this is their story of pain, recovery, and the meaning of love.
I read this book in a day. Granted, I had a day off so there was a bit of free time there, but I loved reading Ms. Burana's story. It's a mature book, and by "mature" I don't mean old people, and I don't mean not-for-children. What I mean is that Ms. Burana has been able to take a step away from the events of the book and see them as what they are--events in her life that have made her who she is. Which I have to say, is not an easy thing to do.
Ms. Burana is clearly a writer and she has a way with her story that makes her feel like an everywoman. My heart hurt for her when Mike was deployed, and I felt her intensity as she rushed to see him one last time before his plane took off. I waited with her by the phone for Mike to call, and I felt a rush of joy when she watched her husband walk off the plane at the end of his tour.
I would recommend this story to anyone who loves a good read. I wouldn't call it juicy, and I wouldn't call it riveting. But I would call it satisfying, and I would tell you to read it if you love a great story of self-discovery. I sure do. And I loved this book and the sense of satisfaction I felt when I closed the book after the last page.
I read this book in a day. Granted, I had a day off so there was a bit of free time there, but I loved reading Ms. Burana's story. It's a mature book, and by "mature" I don't mean old people, and I don't mean not-for-children. What I mean is that Ms. Burana has been able to take a step away from the events of the book and see them as what they are--events in her life that have made her who she is. Which I have to say, is not an easy thing to do.
Ms. Burana is clearly a writer and she has a way with her story that makes her feel like an everywoman. My heart hurt for her when Mike was deployed, and I felt her intensity as she rushed to see him one last time before his plane took off. I waited with her by the phone for Mike to call, and I felt a rush of joy when she watched her husband walk off the plane at the end of his tour.
I would recommend this story to anyone who loves a good read. I wouldn't call it juicy, and I wouldn't call it riveting. But I would call it satisfying, and I would tell you to read it if you love a great story of self-discovery. I sure do. And I loved this book and the sense of satisfaction I felt when I closed the book after the last page.
Read
February 14, 2016I had previously read "Strip City" and first read "I Love a Man..." about 2 years ago. This was my 2nd read. I think I enjoyed it slightly less then 2nd time, but it's still a good read.
What happens when a former stripper/punk rock writer marries a military man? The results are not always pretty, especially when you add in post-war PTSD for the guy and clinical depression for the gal.
Lily Burana has a forthright and snappy writing style and I found her candid memoir to be refreshing. There are other military wives out there who are penning books and blogs, but likely none as colorful as Burana. No, she's not your typical Army wife. She isn't arranging potlucks, she isn't always towing the line, but I bet there are a lot more military wives and moms who feel as she does - out in left field - than would admit it.
I understand some of the previous reviewers who felt that the book seemed self-involved - it is. But that isn't a negative. Burana isn't writing a how-to guide for those about to marry into the Military. She's a writer and former memoirist who simply wrote a book about her personal experiences knowing that she fell into a depressive hole and nearly lost her marriage and writes forthrightly about that experience. And she ends the book with writing about the steps she has since taken the repair her marriage, fix her standing in her community and found her unique way of helping other military wives. Kudos to her.
What happens when a former stripper/punk rock writer marries a military man? The results are not always pretty, especially when you add in post-war PTSD for the guy and clinical depression for the gal.
Lily Burana has a forthright and snappy writing style and I found her candid memoir to be refreshing. There are other military wives out there who are penning books and blogs, but likely none as colorful as Burana. No, she's not your typical Army wife. She isn't arranging potlucks, she isn't always towing the line, but I bet there are a lot more military wives and moms who feel as she does - out in left field - than would admit it.
I understand some of the previous reviewers who felt that the book seemed self-involved - it is. But that isn't a negative. Burana isn't writing a how-to guide for those about to marry into the Military. She's a writer and former memoirist who simply wrote a book about her personal experiences knowing that she fell into a depressive hole and nearly lost her marriage and writes forthrightly about that experience. And she ends the book with writing about the steps she has since taken the repair her marriage, fix her standing in her community and found her unique way of helping other military wives. Kudos to her.
June 22, 2009
This book was an impulse buy off the "new and notable" table at the local Barnes & Noble. I had been intrigued by Burana's previous novel, Strip City, and hadn't gotten around to picking it up yet. I was looking forward to experiencing her transition from the woman who undertook a cross-country Farewell Stripping tour to a Representative Army Wife.
I am the first person to admit, I am not an expert on military life. My family's line of service is as police and fire - as a result no one in my immediate family has served in our military. To this point, my experience with army life has come from the Lifetime soap Army Wives, and the incredibly interesting book it was derived from by Tanya Biank. I really enjoyed Ms. Burana pulling aside her curtains and showing the world inside her figurative living room.
She is candid, both about her past and her present. From the beginning she admits she is not the Perfect Army Wife. Watching her acclimate to her life as a military wife was definitely a journey, and one that I enjoyed taking. I can't vouch for its accuracy, but I can vouch for its enjoyability.
My best friend is from a military family (albeit air rather than land) and I look forward to her reading this, so we can discuss! I think it would be interesting to hear her point of view on the book, as a military child.
I am the first person to admit, I am not an expert on military life. My family's line of service is as police and fire - as a result no one in my immediate family has served in our military. To this point, my experience with army life has come from the Lifetime soap Army Wives, and the incredibly interesting book it was derived from by Tanya Biank. I really enjoyed Ms. Burana pulling aside her curtains and showing the world inside her figurative living room.
She is candid, both about her past and her present. From the beginning she admits she is not the Perfect Army Wife. Watching her acclimate to her life as a military wife was definitely a journey, and one that I enjoyed taking. I can't vouch for its accuracy, but I can vouch for its enjoyability.
My best friend is from a military family (albeit air rather than land) and I look forward to her reading this, so we can discuss! I think it would be interesting to hear her point of view on the book, as a military child.
September 6, 2013
I loved this book, obviously written with honesty and conviction. More than simply a story about life as a military spouse - though it fills that role impeccably - it also touches on broader themes that many of us can connect with such as finding your place when you're an outsider, reconciling the past with the present, and maintaining individuality while also giving yourself fully to a larger community. Filled with witty observations that made me chuckle, it also delves into intense, raw issues of life and death, marriage and relationships, war, politics, sex, and mental illness. Written from the perspective of a high-placed Army intelligence officer's wife who rubs elbows with the American power elite, there seemed to be less acknowledgement that the author's experience reflected that of the average serviceperson's spouse than I personally hoped for, but there can be no dispute that this memoir is written from the heart, well-researched, based on firsthand experience, and as powerful as the military force which serves as one of its main protagonists. Especially appreciated were the many anecdotes about her background in the American rebel subculture: punk rock, strip clubs, and art. I related deeply to the dichotomy between the two worlds she described, having been in both camps myself and the places in between. This one deserves a salute and a place on your shelf.
November 3, 2012
Wow, after 2 months I finally finished this book. I can't really pinpoint what exactly about the book took me so long to get through. Initially, I thought to give it 5 stars, but after some reflection, parts of it were a little disjointed.
Pros: Interesting concept; thoughtful and original language; great metaphors; Lily Burana is definitely a talented writer; will hit close to home for mil spouses
Cons: About halfway into the book things REALLY slow down and the recollections of her childhood abuse, therapy sessions, separation within her marriage were pretty tedious; the ending of the book seems like some random works that she had done that were stuck in there at the last moment; timeline is somewhat unclear in parts (not that it matters since it's a memoir, but still)
Overall, this is a really interesting read and I would recommend it to people who like to read memoirs or biographies. The author's point of view is definitely unique, but I started to get a little fed up with all of her insecurities, etc. I'm sure writing this book was a huge undertaking for her, and it shows in the way she writes...definitely a lot of time and effort devoted to this work.
Pros: Interesting concept; thoughtful and original language; great metaphors; Lily Burana is definitely a talented writer; will hit close to home for mil spouses
Cons: About halfway into the book things REALLY slow down and the recollections of her childhood abuse, therapy sessions, separation within her marriage were pretty tedious; the ending of the book seems like some random works that she had done that were stuck in there at the last moment; timeline is somewhat unclear in parts (not that it matters since it's a memoir, but still)
Overall, this is a really interesting read and I would recommend it to people who like to read memoirs or biographies. The author's point of view is definitely unique, but I started to get a little fed up with all of her insecurities, etc. I'm sure writing this book was a huge undertaking for her, and it shows in the way she writes...definitely a lot of time and effort devoted to this work.
May 13, 2009
I was not going to review this. I loved the *wink* title and was just going to check it out. Lily is an intimate and charming writer so I was soon enmeshed in her story. A former goth/stripper/risky/pierced girl (possible reasons surface later), she was enticed (somehow) to investigate her heritage and was at a ceremony for The Daughters of the American Revolution when she met Mike (in uniform. A whirlwind romance later Lily is a military bride. Mike is shipped out to Iraq-
The book focuses on their (challenging)life upon his return. So many issues, so many vignettes all illustrating military life. Mike is stationed at West Point. As time passes PTSD surfaces for Mike and Lily both and this is where for me the meat of the story lies. Dealing with demons from her past, Lily engages in therapies and treatments that illuminate the very hard psychological work that suffering people must go through to heal. A brave account of a brave family dedicated to protecting us from demons without- knowing so well the demons within.
The book focuses on their (challenging)life upon his return. So many issues, so many vignettes all illustrating military life. Mike is stationed at West Point. As time passes PTSD surfaces for Mike and Lily both and this is where for me the meat of the story lies. Dealing with demons from her past, Lily engages in therapies and treatments that illuminate the very hard psychological work that suffering people must go through to heal. A brave account of a brave family dedicated to protecting us from demons without- knowing so well the demons within.
July 28, 2012
I wanted to love this book. I think the author was so brave to write it that I hate to give it such a lukewarm write up. I felt like much of the military spousal life was given kind of a glancing overview. I felt like she was describing it from the outside. She talked about being worried about being judged by other military spouses or hurting her husband's carreer but really gave no examples or stories to back up that fear (other than being snubbed once for not having children...which, while terrible that it happened, I think that happens in a lot of other world's as well). Mid-book when her life was falling apart she never really talked about what was going on in her marriage...i.e. they were fighting a lot but about what? why? I felt like I should have cared about this woman and her story (I think she has a good story to tell and I've read some of her other pieces and thought they were good)but honestly I really didn't that much. Of course because I know this is a memoir, I wanted it to end happily for her but as for touching me deeply, it did not.
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