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The Big Silence: A Daughter's Memoir of Mental Illness and Healing
Quiet your mind, and the silence will help you hear your inner voice—the one that says, “Stay strong enough to forgive, to heal, and to have hope.”
In her stirring, vulnerable new memoir, Karena Dawn reveals what it was like to grow up with a mother suffering from severe mental health issues, and how, during her teenage years, she desperately tried to escape her own inner demons. Addicted to pain-numbing drugs and crippled by severe depression, Karena learned how to use grief as a teacher, releasing herself from guilt and shame and finding the inner strength to go from abandonment to forgiveness, from hopelessness to healing.
Karena’s bold and brave memoir shows us how staying silent about mental illness only reinforces the stigma. At the heart of her story is the eternal struggle we all share—how to move past the pain and suffering of our personal battles to experience life’s joys. Through the healing power of nature, meditation, and fitness, Karena was able to forge a path to self-discovery and find peace.
Ultimately, The Big Silence reveals how a journey of self-love can lead to a renewed sense of identity and a life filled with hope and optimism.
In her stirring, vulnerable new memoir, Karena Dawn reveals what it was like to grow up with a mother suffering from severe mental health issues, and how, during her teenage years, she desperately tried to escape her own inner demons. Addicted to pain-numbing drugs and crippled by severe depression, Karena learned how to use grief as a teacher, releasing herself from guilt and shame and finding the inner strength to go from abandonment to forgiveness, from hopelessness to healing.
Karena’s bold and brave memoir shows us how staying silent about mental illness only reinforces the stigma. At the heart of her story is the eternal struggle we all share—how to move past the pain and suffering of our personal battles to experience life’s joys. Through the healing power of nature, meditation, and fitness, Karena was able to forge a path to self-discovery and find peace.
Ultimately, The Big Silence reveals how a journey of self-love can lead to a renewed sense of identity and a life filled with hope and optimism.
360 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 26, 2022
25 people are currently reading
318 people want to read
About the author
Karena Dawn
9 books31 followersNew York Times bestselling author and co-founder of the popular women's fitness and lifestyle brand Tone It Up.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
February 9, 2022
Mental illness exacts a heavy toll on those inflicted as well their near and dear ones. This is the story of Karena Dawn (founder of Tone It Up) and her family coping with her mother Linda’s paranoid schizophrenia.
When Karen and her sister Rachel were in school in Indiana, symptoms of mental illness in her mother started showing up. This manifested as religious and political delusions – satanists working through her family and others, as well as a devious government set to harm citizens such as by poisoning water. There were several episodes of her mother taking off suddenly and being away for days and weeks at times. There were periods when she lived in her car as a homeless person. Their dad tried his best to cope but after several years they were divorced. There are also brief sections on Karen’s family background. Her grandparents on her dad’s side were immigrants who moved to the US after the second world war. Her mother’s father also had mental illness and was abusive.
All this has an impact on Karen as well. She moved to LA, but was addicted to drugs and alcohol for a period. It took some shocks including being jailed briefly for her to resolve to break out of it. She did that and was later married to Bobby who emerged as a stable pillar of support. Later, the responsibility of caring for her mother fell on her, and she moved her to an assisted living place in California, and with treatment she was also able to live on her own.
The descriptions of the episodes of paranoia her mother exhibited make for painful reading. While the recount of what happened were good, the inner feelings of Karena, her sister and dad and not very well described. Overall, the book could have been much better written especially since mental health is such a vital subject.
When Karen and her sister Rachel were in school in Indiana, symptoms of mental illness in her mother started showing up. This manifested as religious and political delusions – satanists working through her family and others, as well as a devious government set to harm citizens such as by poisoning water. There were several episodes of her mother taking off suddenly and being away for days and weeks at times. There were periods when she lived in her car as a homeless person. Their dad tried his best to cope but after several years they were divorced. There are also brief sections on Karen’s family background. Her grandparents on her dad’s side were immigrants who moved to the US after the second world war. Her mother’s father also had mental illness and was abusive.
All this has an impact on Karen as well. She moved to LA, but was addicted to drugs and alcohol for a period. It took some shocks including being jailed briefly for her to resolve to break out of it. She did that and was later married to Bobby who emerged as a stable pillar of support. Later, the responsibility of caring for her mother fell on her, and she moved her to an assisted living place in California, and with treatment she was also able to live on her own.
The descriptions of the episodes of paranoia her mother exhibited make for painful reading. While the recount of what happened were good, the inner feelings of Karena, her sister and dad and not very well described. Overall, the book could have been much better written especially since mental health is such a vital subject.
March 19, 2022
Wow! This is a book that will stay with me for a long time. I did not anticipate how honest and raw it would be. I am in awe of Karena's strength, bravery, and spirit.
I love the small details and descriptions. It was a very visual book.
There were some extremely emotional and overwhelming parts that I would warn readers in advance in case someone is triggered by certain things. Mental illness is the central theme of the book. She goes into the topics of self-harm, heavy substance use, emotional abuse, and suicide.
It is extremely important to make mental health and illness a larger discussion. We have come a long way in the last few decades however, there is still so much more to be done in terms of understanding and resources.
I am proud of Karena for being a voice and advocate for mental health on top of her already incredible achievements of helping others with physical health.
I love the small details and descriptions. It was a very visual book.
There were some extremely emotional and overwhelming parts that I would warn readers in advance in case someone is triggered by certain things. Mental illness is the central theme of the book. She goes into the topics of self-harm, heavy substance use, emotional abuse, and suicide.
It is extremely important to make mental health and illness a larger discussion. We have come a long way in the last few decades however, there is still so much more to be done in terms of understanding and resources.
I am proud of Karena for being a voice and advocate for mental health on top of her already incredible achievements of helping others with physical health.
February 25, 2024
As a fan and follower of the sweet and beautiful Tone it Up co-founder, I was excitedly anticipating this memoir. I made sure my library ordered it, and I made sure I was the first one with my hands on a copy. But I let that copy sit in my beside basket for almost a year. I knew that Karena's story was a really tough one, and I wasn't sure I'd ever be ready to actually open it up and know every detail. I've listened to some of her podcasts, seen her social media posts, even heard her speak at an event in Denver, so I knew a lot of tidbits of her story, but she really lays it all out in this memoir. The description says it perfectly, from heartbreak and hopelessness to healing. I'm always curious about people who have had struggles with mental health and addiction choose to keep going. I think it's why I'm such a huge memoir reader. People's stories and experiences are so important, and it's powerful to learn that someone so successful had to first wake up in a park covered in vomit before committing to this better life. Better doesn't always mean easier though, and she wakes up daily and chooses for her hard thing to be wellness, and helping and inspiring others to do the same. I am really grateful that she was willing to share her full story with us and I hope she will consider writing more in the future as she is an artist with her words. For now I will continue to listen to The Big Silence podcast, and I recommend that and this memoir for everyone who has been touched by mental illness.
August 16, 2022
What could have been a moving account of mental illness and addiction comes across as little more than trauma dumping. The most interesting parts of the narrative, how a family tries to confront schizophrenia, are rendered into painfully dull re-imagined conversations. Dawn hints at her own addiction but doesn’t face it fully and never managed to give a compelling description… of anything. Instead of tapping into how the family is feeling, we’re told what they all order for breakfast (avocado toast!).
The narrative is disjointed and the writing is sloppily done. It is full of vagaries and broadly empty self-help mantras. An example, this description of how party drugs made her feel, “The lights looked softer, and I started feeling really, really good. I mean really, really, really good.”
And I really, really, really think this book would have benefited from some serious workshopping. I had a better sense of the author from her bio at the end than I got from the entire book. Yikes.
The narrative is disjointed and the writing is sloppily done. It is full of vagaries and broadly empty self-help mantras. An example, this description of how party drugs made her feel, “The lights looked softer, and I started feeling really, really good. I mean really, really, really good.”
And I really, really, really think this book would have benefited from some serious workshopping. I had a better sense of the author from her bio at the end than I got from the entire book. Yikes.
May 22, 2022
Wow. I have followed Karena’s journey for years because of Tone It Up but I never knew her backstory. I was purely shocked and heartbroken at the things she has gone through in life.
Karena doesn’t just tell you what happened, she makes you feel it. The chapters were so detailed that I felt like I was living what she went through. I would have never guessed that she came from a home like that and that she wasn’t the perfect child growing up. This really opened my eyes. This was a beautiful memoir dedicated to her mom but it’s very heavy read so beware.
Karena doesn’t just tell you what happened, she makes you feel it. The chapters were so detailed that I felt like I was living what she went through. I would have never guessed that she came from a home like that and that she wasn’t the perfect child growing up. This really opened my eyes. This was a beautiful memoir dedicated to her mom but it’s very heavy read so beware.
August 15, 2022
Loved reading Karena's story as Ive been a huge Tone It Up fan for over a decade. This story of her life is real, raw and vulnerable. I do wish there was a little more about her healing process or her transformation to life without drugs but overall her story is powerful and moving. Well done!
June 16, 2022
Wauw, this book blew me away! There was so much I didn’t know about the struggles Karena dealt with and now I am even more impressed with her journey, her strength and resilience! It’s empowering and inspiring and it included so many lessons I needed to be made aware of, be reminded of and it helped me in this time of deep grieving and huge loss myself! Absolutely recommend this to anyone!
January 16, 2022
With frank, open honesty, Karena Dawn, brings us into her relationship with her mother and how it affected her as she has grown. Most know Karena as half of the famed Tone It Up duo, but this book invites us to get really personal with Karena, as she explores the mental health struggles of her mother, and her own struggles therein. She is compassionate, transparent and leads the reader to think deeply.
Thank you to NetGalley for a preview copy of this book!
Thank you to NetGalley for a preview copy of this book!
September 3, 2022
I was really looking forward to this book, the author and the story are both inspirational. However, the editing and final writing leaves much to be desired.
January 13, 2022
Karena Dawn pens a harrowing memoir of growing up with a Linda, mother who suffers from extreme schizophrenia and manages to overcome the family (and her own) demons to not only survive but thrive. Her mother's mental illness spins out of control when Ms. Dawn turns 12 and then spirals downward into homelessness, religious delusions, mental & physical abuse and multiple hospitalizations. In her teen and young adult years Ms. Dawn copes with vast quantities of drugs, Raves and men. She finds way back to sobriety & clean living via therapy , Yoga & healthy workouts and is now the successful owner on a large membership website, a sought out speaker and and a best selling author.
The Big Silence is also a scathing criticism of the American Mental Health System. It's unbelievable ( but sadly all to common) that a woman who is clearly unable to care for herself physically or mentally is turned loose on her own recognizance . Both Ms. Dawn and her father repeatedly try to "cure" and then giving up on a "cure" at least manage Linda's illness but are always meet with failure after failure. I didn't admire all the actions of her father who spends his days at work and his night paying music in pubs leaving his daughters to fend for themselves and cope with their mother's illness. The entire family did quite a lot of ignoring the elephant in the room. The father escaped into work and music, Ms. Dawn into drugs and her sister just plain leaves and has as little to do with her mother.
The Big Silence is a compelling page turner of a book and a story of triumph . If you've any mental illness in your family you will find that both of you have traveled the same road.
Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review. .
The Big Silence is also a scathing criticism of the American Mental Health System. It's unbelievable ( but sadly all to common) that a woman who is clearly unable to care for herself physically or mentally is turned loose on her own recognizance . Both Ms. Dawn and her father repeatedly try to "cure" and then giving up on a "cure" at least manage Linda's illness but are always meet with failure after failure. I didn't admire all the actions of her father who spends his days at work and his night paying music in pubs leaving his daughters to fend for themselves and cope with their mother's illness. The entire family did quite a lot of ignoring the elephant in the room. The father escaped into work and music, Ms. Dawn into drugs and her sister just plain leaves and has as little to do with her mother.
The Big Silence is a compelling page turner of a book and a story of triumph . If you've any mental illness in your family you will find that both of you have traveled the same road.
Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review. .
August 21, 2024
Karena shares her direct experience as a teen growing up with the changing nature of her mother, succumbing to her mental illness. She gives an honest recounting of what her experience was and what her unmet needs were which is unique seeing as many of these memoirs are more about direct experience of being an outsider, she shows the othering that can happen with mental illness as a daughter, and at the end of the book recounts how her perspective has grown as shifted with her own age and life experience. Her party scenes were fun to read, and I am still curious about her journey into greater wellness and building the Tone It Up empire, however, it's clear this memoir was intended not to be an overview of her life, but to focus on the destruction mental illness can have within families through ayoung woman's perspective and experience. She has gone on to found the big silence which provides therapy to those in need.
August 23, 2023
I discovered Tone It Up in my early college years still very newly recovered from an eating disorder. I found the way that Karena & Katrina lead workouts to be so physically and mentally healing for me. I always somehow knew that Karena had more of a story to tell, and I’m so glad she decided to share it with us. This book was hard to read most of the time, because it is about mental, emotional, and physical struggle both of Karena and her family, but it is a story I’m thankful I heard. I have so much respect how Karena has used the pain in her life and turned it into a way of inspiring and lifting up other women. If you’re a Tone It Up girl, or simply want to learn more about mental health or schizophrenia I would recommend reading this book. Thank you Karena for your vulnerability and willingness to share your life with us.
January 21, 2025
I first learned who Karena was through using the Tone It Up app, and really enjoyed her yoga and meditation sessions. After reading her memoir, it’s clear why her classes were some of my favorites - she had so much passion and joy for what she did. I really did not care for the way this book was written; it very non-linear, both between chapters and within them. I would have been able to immerse myself more in her story if it felt more cohesive. Needed some editing for sure.
May 11, 2022
This memoir was most beautiful touching story I have ever read! So much hope for those who don’t see that there is life within after heart ache. ❤️💫💫
Karena thank you for Sharing, her life of raw and painful events made me cry- seeing reading & highlighting all the important chapters/paragraphs in this book was incredible! I will read over and over again!!
Inspired by YOU and your “Big Silence” E V E R Y D A Y!!
Karena thank you for Sharing, her life of raw and painful events made me cry- seeing reading & highlighting all the important chapters/paragraphs in this book was incredible! I will read over and over again!!
Inspired by YOU and your “Big Silence” E V E R Y D A Y!!
May 23, 2022
This is such a beautifully written memoir that truly expresses how mental illness has a lingering effect on many involved, not just the ill one. It also shows how mental illness and poor mental health is not a death sentence. It can be overcome. Slowly, and painfully at times, but it can be overcome.
July 22, 2024
Hard read where it can get dark at times but so good! I used to be really into ToneItUp for a long time so when I found out that one of the CEOs of the company wrote a book I just had to read it. This HAD to be hard for Karena to write and I can’t thank her enough for being vulnerable. ❤️ Highly recommend reading!
June 30, 2025
Meh. I was curious about Karena's story, and it's clear her life has been challenging and traumatic. My review is pointed at the writing style - it didn't feel like important details were fleshed out, and insignificant memories were too detailed. The ending was entirely abrupt - just wasn't my favorite.
May 9, 2022
Karena’s story was so raw and real and didn’t feel sugar coated at all. I can’t believe everything she endured and overcame in her life. It’s a constant reminder and perfect example to always be kind because you never know the battle someone may be facing
July 7, 2022
Thank you Karena for breaking the stigma on mental illness. This is truly a difficult heartbreaking journey for Karena. I am inspired by her strength to overcome and be stronger from this. I wish we got to hear a little bit more about her meeting Katrina and starting Tone it Up. I love Tone it Up!
March 7, 2023
This book was incredibly powerful, vulnerable, honest— a really helpful read for anyone going through loss and grief, but also for anyone navigating the good and bad and complicated of life. I have long been a fan of Karena but I recommend this to anyone.
December 13, 2024
The timeline wasn’t consistent and much of the writing was repetitive. I felt like the ending was rushed. I really wanted to read more about the author’s healing journey and how she built her current successful life.
June 27, 2025
I don’t usually read memoirs, but I’ve followed Karena for some time. I couldn’t put this down. The way she approached everything with love was so inspiring. Would recommend everyone read this - I took away a lot from it.
August 10, 2022
Loved this powerful story of strength and forgiveness. Her story really resonated with me and I appreciated the helpful tips at the end.
January 2, 2023
Why
This is one of my favorite books. It tells also how this mother's mental illness affected her daughters life and caused them psychological problems from it.
This is one of my favorite books. It tells also how this mother's mental illness affected her daughters life and caused them psychological problems from it.
January 28, 2025
A book with a lot of negative energy
February 16, 2025
A book about living with a mother with mental illness A sad story about a young girl needing a mother's love
July 4, 2025
Poignant, raw, and beautiful account of a daughter who has grieved the loss of a predictable childhood and relationship with a mother with schizophrenia.
January 30, 2023
I wanted to read Karena’s memoir as I’ve been following her for 7 years with Tone It Up. Wow.
I knew she grew up with struggles with her schizophrenic mom but it was shocking to learn the many years of pain and abandonment she suffered.
She has an amazing strength and resilience.She overcame a lot of demons and found success and happiness.
I knew she grew up with struggles with her schizophrenic mom but it was shocking to learn the many years of pain and abandonment she suffered.
She has an amazing strength and resilience.She overcame a lot of demons and found success and happiness.
June 18, 2023
I really enjoyed reading Karena’s story. She was vulnerable, honest, and open. She has a gift when it comes to writing, which you see in her poems she wrote as a teenager and through the telling of her story. Though my life story is very different from her’s, I found in her ability to articulate the pain, hurt, and fear I could relate to her. But through the pain and hurt she shares, is also a story of healing, growing, and taking that to help others. Inspiring story.
May 30, 2023
She describes the experience of being raised by a mother with mental illness. As someone with a similar story, her thoughts and feelings were validating and remind me that I’m not alone. And most importantly, she offers hope.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews