Becoming the One: Heal Your Past, Transform Your Relationship Patterns, and Come Home to Yourself

by Sheleana Aiyana

Spiritual writer and founder of Rising Woman, Sheleana Aiyana takes you on a transformational inner-work journey to heal life-long relationship pattens and reclaim power over your life.Romantic relationships have the ability to infuse our lives with the magic of intimacy and connection. But for many of us, that magic is fleeting–over and over, our relationships don't last, or if they do, they fail to make us happy. We find ourselves chasing unavailable love, sublimating our needs in service to others, or trying to save our partners from themselves, all the while abandoning the one who needs us most–ourselves.If you find yourself struggling to let go after a relationship ends, or you keep hitting the same wall in dating and relationships with emotionally unavailable people, this is not a sign that you are broken. It is a sign that somewhere along the way, you learned to sacrifice yourself in order to be loved. In Becoming the One, spiritual leader and visionary founder of the Rising Woman community Sheleana Aiyana offers a roadmap for transforming your relationship patterns to end the cycle of self-abandonment and move into the light of self-discovery. You'll learn • build a secure, loving relationship with yourself.• connect with your inner child.• challenge your core beliefs about love.• set self-affirming boundaries.• discover and celebrate your true desires.• recognize red and green flags.Sheleana's revolutionary lessons, based on wisdom from the traumas of her past and years of guiding thousands of women around the world in her internationally acclaimed "Becoming the One" program of spiritual and therapeutic healing practices, teach you to embody the qualities you are seeking in others so that you can become "the one" for yourself. You'll learn how to trust your body, make peace with your past, and clear the path for healthy, conscious love–one that returns the authority to you to choose how to live and whom to love.The desire for love is wired into the very fibers of our being, but before you can create rewarding bonds with others, first you must stand wholeheartedly in self-acceptance. Becoming the One is an invitation to find your way home to yourself. 

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Spirituality, Relationships, Psychology, Personal Development, Personal Growth

313 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 14, 2022

Reviews

[superbookishbabe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy moly.

I read this book a month after ending a serious relationship to recalibrate, step back into myself again. When the author disseminated why she does not subscribe to the concept of "the one", I felt my third eye open: ultimately, the concepts of soulmates, twin flames, and "the one" can easily divorce people from loving and prioritizing themselves too far if interpreted and taken a certain way, which is often what happens. What this book means that "the one" is really about becoming the best version of yourself to feel whole without the need to see external validation, and the people you allow in your life just enhance what you already have and/or bring new perspectives.

I found exactly what my relationship type was and how to play with my strengths, train my weaknesses, and now know how to honor what I can give and remain open to the love I can receive from not just other romantic partners, but from my friends and family. This is easily one of the best self-help and relationship books I have ever come across, though bear in mind that true change doesn't come from passively reading or listening to it over and over again. I'm not saying to purchase her program or take time off from dating--the journal prompts and Rising Woman Instagram account were sufficient for me (and I still go back to them)--but it's one of those books that prompts you to take action outside of the book by looking within and coming back to who you are and want to be.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Was lucky to have read an advanced copy of this, and all I have to say is THIS BOOK WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. It helps to build self-awareness, start the process of healing relationship patterns, and help you get to know yourself on a deep level. I wish everyone would read a book like this—the world would certainly be a different place. ❤️

[Lorena Schuth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I struggled to get through this to be honest.

It’s actually really informative and I would probably recommend it to people who are in the beginning of their self love + healing journey, but for me personally, there was just nothing that I didn’t already know / hadn’t already worked through. I also found it very dry to read and really had to force myself to finish reading.

Still giving it 3 stars because I believe it’s a good pick for beginners. :) Wish I could give it more!

[Books Bliss and Biscuits Karolina & Natasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for my free copy!

I have been following Risingwoman on Instagram for a few years now so I was really excited when I saw Sheleana Aiyana's new book on NetGalley. I immediately requested it.

This book is such an important one. There are a ton of gems in it. I am so glad to have a copy so I can revisit it. It's one of those books that needs to be read by everyone. It affects each and every one of us. Who doesn't want to have a better relationship with ourselves and others. Shaleana gives you a step-by-step process to start your path of self-awareness. It's also interwoven with her own story and how this exact process changed her life and allowed her to have the beautiful relationship she has with her husband. A must-read for everyone!

[Ann 🦢 · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are on a journey of healing your inner child or just healing in general this is the book for you. She has provided good journaling prompts/exercises to help me understand why i am limiting myself in friendship, relationships and the relationship with myself.
I definitely recommend everyone to read this book because it bring you to a place of self discovery, self awareness and healing patterns you may not know you have.

In summary: everything starts with self 🤍

[Elliott · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

the “come home to yourself” phrase of the subtitle captures the essence of BECOMING THE ONE. this book gently guides the reader back to their essence, their true self, shining light on what to notice and witness within.

what makes this book special from other self-help books is the clear, intuitive way in which sheleana writes, and the way in which it is edited.

first, sheleana weaves the story of her own life into the book so that it reads like a divine download; she sprinkles her lived-experience throughout each chapter, which brings a sense of fellowship to the topics and questions she raises. she does this without telling the reader what the “right” answer is or “how to” feel, react, or respond.

perhaps more importantly, the editing of this book shines. it reminds me of brene brown’s THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION. i’ve heard a lot of the ideas before, but the way in which they’re organized is *chef’s kiss.* it’s concise and avoids unnecessary repetition of ideas; the information builds in a way that respects the reader’s ability to follow along and their commitment to do the work. logically, the organization expects that readers will dip back in and makes it easy to do so, for it is split into parts and then chapters; each chapter concludes with a bullet-pointed recap to allow easy reentry since the process of BECOMING THE ONE is unending.

this is one that i will pick up again, again, and again.

[FollowtheEnergy · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author of becoming the one had extensive trauma as a young child and also deep into her adult life. So she knows what she is writing about. The book has truly certain value however it says at surface level, and it does not go very deep in certain subjects. The book also felt as separate books and not a consistent well written book.

However I do find value that the author speaks candidly and with candor about her experiences. How she overcame these trauma is something she did not discussed in the book.

A radical awakening from Dr. Shefali Tsabary is touching on exactly the same topic but it is written much better and it truly goes into the deep. Becoming the one does not reach this same level

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

“While I full heartedly believe we can find a partner who connects to us on a soul level, the idea of search for our “one” holds a major self-limiting message. And that message is that we are somehow incomplete without another.”

As humans, we are often desperate for connection and partnership and measure our successes by having those things. This book encourages the reader to find love within yourself, because that is the longest relationship you will ever have. A relationship with yourself. And if you don’t love yourself, you won’t be able to connect with The One, being you.

I have been a fan of Rising Woman for years and was so happy to stumble upon this book! Highly recommend this for everyone! Excellent audio book as well, read by the author herself.

[Amy Ray · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. I enjoyed her course more but this was a good refresher

[Ilona J · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very powerful when it comes to healing our relationship wound. I feel that this book opened my eyes for a lot of things, such as boundaries, forgiveness (especially to yourself), recovery after breakup, enter ring new relationships from holistic point of view and simply loving yourself. Thank you.

[Adeline ✨ · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ve been fighting with this book for over 4 months now. It’s time to DNF around 65% in and just read “Things to remember” at the end of each chapter.

Overall, this book doesn’t go very deep and because the author has very traumatic past, this book would be relatable only to people with similar past. And in that case they will need real therapy, not only this book to get past your trauma.

Basic concepts that I was already aware of. I highlighted a bunch of phrases that resonated, but I didn’t resonate with 80% off the book. Could be an eye opener to completely new people into this inner work and inner child work. For me it’s too much focus on finding the perfect relationship rather than looking inside.

[Kirsty L · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really wanted to love this book after all the great reviews but I just found it extremely repetitive and far too focused in the past.

I do believe that certain past experiences can have an effect on how you navigate future experiences but the author literally spent over 100 pages yapping on about a mother and father wound….which is what the book should be titled. The title becoming the one is far too misleading as I thought I would be reading up on techniques for the present, instead it’s numerous tasks about writing letters to people from the past.

Definitely not worth the money I paid for it, I stopped 50% the way through which is a first for me. I just couldn’t stand to hear blame on the past for the millionth time 🙄

[Marissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been following Sheleana on Instagram for a few years now and would stop scrolling to read through her posts every so often. When I saw she was writing this book, I went out and bought it the day it was released because I knew it was going to hold an abundance of valuable information and wisdom. I’m working on connecting with myself on a deeper level and setting aside the time to do things for myself and by myself because I’ve always struggled with that. I’m so glad I read this not only for the relationship with myself, but for all the relationships in my life. So many great takeaways and so many thought provoking questions to strengthen your connection with yourself and others.

[Bex · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ooft. I didn't realise just how much I needed this book (and to be honest I wish it had been around in my early thirties!). I listened to the audiobook and often found myself, mouth open, completely agog at how many profound revelations I had about my patterns and behaviours and past trauma whilst on the bus, or walking down the street. I think this is definitely one I will return to again and again. There is healing to be found in this book for anyone who has been frustrated with the patterns they've repeated through life, wondering how on earth to grow and evolve.

[Morgan Radley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was interested to read a book like this because it's a very unique concept. My problem with it is the feminist messaging. Men are not the primary reason why women value marriage. And considering marriage has been practiced in every culture for thousands of years, it's not exactly a "status symbol". It's a normal desire to not be alone and to share your life with someone. Why do I have to accept this feminist messaging in order to become the best version of myself that I can be? Why can't my growth be founded on who I am as a person and what I want? That's my main problem with this book.

[Emily A. Spahr · Rating 5 out of 5]

12/10 Recommend

This book is simple yet powerful in its message. There is so much depth and so many takeaways that are thought provoking with A-HA moments pretty much on every page. The book offers grace, explanation, guidance and steps for growth that feel tangible. For someone whose patterns cause them to act codependently, this book is a must read. This will be a book I read and draw on frequently.

[Elisabeth Höhne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think it is great when you want to start figuring out your relationship pattern and work on it.

I just felt like I heard most already and missed a bit more individual spark.

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Embodying our values means getting to the point where you no longer only say, ‘I desire these qualities’ but ‘I am these qualities.’ When we practice this, we become magnetic. We draw people into our field who complement our lives and share similar values. More than that, we can experience true inner freedom and contentment because the world we've created for ourselves reflects who we are at our core.”

Even though this isn’t Christian-based, I was easily able to connect my own personal faith to the overall spiritual messages in this book. The author didn’t step on any toes and kept things almost “neutral” in the best way possible, so that everyone can connect to the book (regardless of their spiritual standpoints). The entire time I was reading felt like one big therapy session… and I mean that to be taken as a positive. It’s the perfect stepping stone for someone that is ready to take responsibility and control of their own happiness and create the life they’ve always wanted. I highly recommend taking notes while reading, whether that’s highlighting, underlining, or note taking, either directly on the page or in a journal. Absolutely a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ book!

“When we know our values, relationships are no longer about other people choosing us. We're the ones choosing.”

“Be the kind of person you would want to date by embodying the qualities you seek in others.”

“There is also a quiet confidence, an inner knowing that you are worthy of having the life you want, a knowing so deep and connected to Spirit that you do not require anyone's approval or permission.”

[Paulina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love the premise of this book - prioritising the relationship with yourself as a vehicle for a major transformation and healing in life. Becoming the One. This idea has resonated with me for years. I just didn't have the tools before to really see it through.

What's great about this book is that it holds your hand in looking at key patterns in life - such as relationship with parents (the familial conditioning) and also at other relationship patterns (with friends, past partners) and really helps you see them from a new perspective, with fresh eyes.

Some parts of the book felt more revelatory, some I'd already worked through. The book's structure as well as its storytelling is strong and compelling.

What I appreciated most about it though, is that the tone is grounded and comes from a place of depth, acknowledging the complexity of life and healing, rather than pretending there is one solution you need recreate to make your relationship problems go away (a narrative used in many self-help books).

If you're open to going deep and creating intimate connection with yourself - one that has strong boundaries and clarity in terms of values and expectations - this book is for you!

[Sarah Freudson · Rating 5 out of 5]

“There are no such things as good feelings and bad feelings. Emotions are energy; they come and they go.”

One of my favorite things to do to start a year has been to read a self help book as a way to come back to myself. The end of the year is always so chaotic; beginning the year by reflecting and going inward aligns perfectly with the lull of winter and the post whirlwind of end of year. I decided to read this book as my start of year venture back to me because I liked the theme of coming home to the one - myself. Aiyana’s real life accounts was a reminder that everyone has a story but no matter how rocky, you can always find safety in yourself. My biggest takeaway is remembering that I should be the type of person who I want to be around (romantically and in all types of relationships). Authentic. Unique. Vulnerable. Kind.

The concepts in this book are hopefully not new to people but they are a healthy reminder. No matter what is going on in your life, if you’re at the peak or pit, your spirit will appreciate this book.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Strength and selling point: narrated by the author in a tender, kind, and authentic style that equally manages reliable authority and generates trust.

Challenge: part of the offerings in this book are journaling cues and suggestions for reflection. I listened while walking in nature, which I recommend; however, that is not the best way to take advantage of the journaling cues.

Recommend: both versions/dual reading methods. Listen and reflect in nature, but also have a paper copy for the journaling cues, plus to refer to some lists.

[Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

My therapist recommended I read this, so I wasn’t surprised that it was so helpful to my specific issues. I didn’t agree with all the spiritual stuff, but otherwise everything else was incredibly important for me to read and I hope I continue to put what I’ve learned into practice.

[Angela Culver · Rating 5 out of 5]

Favorite book I’ve read this year :)

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not a cringe dating book. Valuable healing exercises. Enjoyed the chapter on parents.

[Brooke Bayliss · Rating 5 out of 5]

one of my fav self-help books to date. easy to read and practical. there are journal exercises if you're interested, too! really love what the author had to say.

[Annie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The ideas and examples in this book have helped me discover patterns, past unhealed wounds, and projections so that I can have more insight and a clearer and healthier path forward with future relationships.
Worth a re-read I’d imagine.

[Jillian Ferguson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible. Want to eventually purchase a hard copy and journal my way through this book again.

[Mallory Parris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not about finding someone or dating or anything like you think. It’s about becoming the best authentic YOU, period. Every human who wants to grow needs this book, I will be purchasing abc re-reading.

[Sabine Kurth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sehr interessantes Buch mit vielen Fragen zur eigenen Kindheit. Ich werde es sicher noch einmal lesen!