I wanted to like this book. I wanted to love this series. But this book isn’t what it says it is.
I can do dark. I was in the mood for dark, dubcon/noncon, totally messed up fiction hopefully with HEA/HFN because I can separate fiction and reality and sometimes i like to read that kind of badwrong where the characters are just that fucking hot for eachother and somehow it ends up perfect. So let me be clear, my problem with this series is not coming from a moral high ground issue.
I could look past some typos, occasionally awkward word choices, sometimes-stilted dialogue- i’ll forgive a lot if the writer really makes me feel for the characters. And the series did definitely suck me in (despite those things.) I had to see how it ended, because the ending was going to make or break the whole thing.
Again, I can do flawed characters hurting eachother, screwing up, consent issues, all that dirty-but-intense stuff. I can do redemption and learning/growing/changing even after all that.
This is not that book. This is not that series. It might work for some people. But you should know what you’re getting into.
This is a horrifyingly realistic description of two well-meaning people sucked deeper and deeper into an escalating pattern of domestic abuse. They separate. They try so fucking hard to work their issues out. Then they get back together and it’s okay at first, so good, things are different now, he’s changed…
For a little while. And then the cycle starts again as jealousy, violence, gaslighting, controlling behavior escalates until the guy does something extreme that seems unforgivable. And he’s so sorry, he’s so fucking guilty, he tries to make it better, it’s only because he loves her so much, needs her so much, he just can’t bear the thought of losing her, that’s the only reason he goes so crazy. If she would just not talk to other men, not have other men look at her, just understand that he just can’t trust her not to leave him. He’s trying so hard to be better, he has had a rough life and too much responsibility too young and he just needs her, needs to have sex with her any time he wants because it’s his love language, it just hurts him so much and makes him crazy when she cries, screams, says no, goes numb or tries to dissociate.
And he can be gentle when she just gives him what he needs! If she loves him enough, reassures him enough, says and does the right things…everything’s perfect when it’s just the two of them in their own little bubble without the rest of the world or their family who just don’t understand their connection. Also, in every book in the series there’s always some family member who needs to be protected from the details of just how bad it got because that would tear the family apart.
Spoilers follow.
The last secret, which everyone keeps, is that the guy lost it and attacked and choked his 17-year-old sister when he thought she was a threat to the relationship.
He’s very torn up about it, just snapped, they moved on, and he never has to tell the woman he loves about it because she says it��s enough to know he was willing to tell her something really awful. So she ends the book believing what everyone has reassured her, that him choking his sister was an awful lie, she knows he’d never do that.
Look, I get that dangerous jealous angry flawed antiheros can be hot. But, to me, it’s not hot to read about a woman cowering in the corner of a room clutching her beloved dog as the man she loves systematically destroys everything in their rooms in a rage that said dog was a gift from his brother. It’s so fucking sad to read about a woman who’s become so familiar with managing her partner’s rages that she’s using all the little tricks to handle an abusive partner. She waits until he’s past the violent destructive stage, then it’s time to try soothing him with sex, which gets painful enough (in a bad way) that she tries to make him come as quick as possible. Because this is their relationship; she has learned to endure rather than say slower, softer, please stop you’re hurting me and it isn’t fun anymore.
This is 3/4 of the way through the third book. Growth? Change? Hard work to improve? They’ve been trying for that so hard, hundreds of pages, and this is where they are at this point.
I think the author wrote themself into a corner. How do you have these two end up together when the horribly realistic abusive cycle starts all over each time they get together and try to make it work?
If you’re Dretha Anis, you try to recast it as triumphant, not toxic. You have them declare that their love is incredible and right because there’s every reason for it not to work but they stayed together anyway. The whole abusive destructive cycle is overcome because they didn’t give up.
Their love is real because it’s unconditional, because no amount of trauma or hurt they caused eachother or anyone else kept them apart. Because (this is an actual line) both of them would rather be dysfunctional together than healthy with anyone else.
The insane violent jealousy? Gets better because she keeps reassuring him and loving him and telling him that. She loves him unconditionally enough, she says the magic combination of words that he “needed to hear all along” to finally convince him she loves him, she stays with him enough and initiates sex when he needs it enough that he can finally believe her and moderate his jealousy to where it’s controllable (mostly).
Their HEA is heartbreaking. They get married. They have kids. Jealousy, manipulation, and gaslighting are just Daddy being a charmingly incorrigible rascal - the epilogue has a cute moment of the father intimidating and gaslighting his three-year-old’s teacher (referred to as ms stick-up-her-butt) for having the audacity to call a parent- teacher meeting about the child’s swearing in the classroom. You see, Dad thought it was funny to teach the kid to swear from his first word - but don’t worry, he convinces the teacher it’s her fault. Successfully intimidated, she apologizes and leaves, and our happy couple fuck. (Right there at the school.)
Last words of the epilogue? Their 3 year old, angry at his younger sister’s fussing, screams his “favorite obscenity” at her: “FUCK YOU!”