If We Break: A Memoir of Marriage, Addiction, and Healing

by Kathleen Buhle

Kathleen Buhle shares her story of resilience and self-discovery after her marriage to Hunter Biden unraveled in the wake of substance abuse and infidelity in this intimate, astonishing memoir.

This is not a story about good versus evil. Or who was right. Or who was better. For decades, Kathleen Buhle chose to play the role of the good wife, beginning when, as a naïve young woman from a working-class family on the South Side of Chicago, she met the dashing son of a senator at the Jesuit Volunteer Corps in Oregon. Within months of falling in love, Kathleen found herself pregnant and engaged, living a life beyond anything she’d ever known.

Determined to build her family on a foundation of love, Kathleen was convinced her and Hunter’s commitment to each other could overcome any obstacle. But when Hunter’s drinking evolved into dependency, she was forced to learn how rapidly and irrevocably a marriage can fall apart under the merciless power of addiction. When the lies became insurmountable, Kathleen was forced to reckon with the compromises she had made to try to save her marriage. She wondered if she could survive on her own.

The result is a memoir that is page-turning and heart-breaking. Here Kathleen asks why she kept so much hidden—from her daughters and herself—for so many years, why she became dependent on one man, and why she was more faithful to a vow of secrecy than to her own truth. This inspiring chronicle of radical honesty and self-actualization speaks to women who have lost part of their identity and want to reclaim it.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Biography, Biography Memoir, Autobiography, Politics

320 pages, Hardcover

First published June 14, 2022

Reviews

[Rachel Hanes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would first like to thank my lovely neighbor across the street for bringing this book over to me, or else I probably would have never read it. I looked at the cover and thought “Wow, that book looks interesting”- but had I known the author, Kathleen Buhle was married to Hunter Biden, I probably would have skipped it. Truth to be told, I am not a fan of Hunter Biden AT ALL, but this is Kathleen’s story, and how her life was when she was married to him, and I have to say that this was one of the best memoirs that I’ve read in a long time. I am SO glad that I read this wonderful, emotional story.

If We Break was written in such a tasteful manner. Yes, Kathleen did talk about Hunter having addiction issues. She also mentions his infidelity. But each issue that she talked about she was always trying to find a way to save her marriage. Always trying to find a way to help Hunter before herself. Kathleen seemed to be naive and gullible to a lot of what was going in with Hunter and the Biden family, but she seems to be such a nice, kind hearted woman so that’s probably why. Throughout the pages, you’ll see that she did some things that she’s not proud of (acting manic and doing a little spying),but when you are in love and you are hurting, I think we all find ourselves doing things we normally would never do.

I would have given this book five stars, but I’m left with quite a few questions- which makes sense because I’m sure that Kathleen was only allowed to write about so much… One question I wonder about is how Kathleen and Hunter Biden’s three daughters relationship is with Hunter? or even the rest of the Biden family? Do they still keep in contact with their aunt Hallie (Beau’s widow who Hunter had an affair with)? I know I sure wouldn’t! Even so, this is a must read and I highly recommend reading this book. It does not matter what side of the political fence you stand on, because this book is not about politics, it’s about relationships, heartbreak, and family.

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm soooo exhausted -- reading faster than I can get words on paper --and in dire need to get outside --Paul is pulling my leg --"get off this computer already"......lol

THIS was an OUTSTANDING AUDIOBOOK!!!!!!

I learned a lot --thought about a lot -- and I highly admire the dignity in which Kathleen Buhle wrote it.--

There is truth, addiction, infidelity, healing --(just as the book says) --but its NOT a SLAM NASTY BLAME- type novel. Its VERY KIND ---(considering)

Ha....
another person might have attacked hard, and they might have even been justified.
Hunter Biden didn't make happy family choices --that's for sure.

but what is interesting to me --is that I'm reading ANOTHER NON FICTION book about Addiction --
--- soooo when I listened to this book --too -- seeing exactly the ways in which addiction plays out --with lies -and more lies -- out of control --- shameful acts of hurt.....against a more academic book about addiction --(the two books together are a great match)

Bottom line -I never expected to like this book as much as I did --I liked it a lot!!!!
I felt the entire experience!

Bless this woman--Kathleen Buhle!

Can I go outside and play now? (homework done) lol

Hugs you lovely people!!!!!!!

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very well written. I think avid readers often make the best writers when they finally decide to publish. As with many books involving addiction, the secrets and lies are often worse than the using. She is lucky to be rid of him and I wish her well.

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I started this book MONTHS ago. I was excited to read this book. I saw an interview with Kathleen on CBS' Sunday Morning show. I wanted to read the dirt. I thought this would be a nice juicy read...

It was not.

From reading the reviews of others, this book just isn't for me. Middle aged white women really seem to enjoy this book and that's great. Not every book is for everybody. And this book was certainly not for me.

Kathleen Buhle(formerly Biden) is the ex wife of President Biden's fuckboy son Hunter. If you follow right-wing media than you've heard of Hunters laptop and you might have seen the trailer for a God awful film "about" Hunter. For everybody else you probably know him as the not dead son...the crackhead.

Hunter Biden is a mess. He apparently loves alcohol, cigarettes, crack, sex workers, guns and having sex with his dead brother's widow. And yet he somehow came across as more likeable than Kathleen. Kathleen has the personality of a soggy cardboard box...the brain of Swiss cheese. Hunter could have done crack in front of her and she would have still been completely oblivious. At one point her alcoholic husband and her are at a party and Hunter leaves to go back to the hotel. Later she arrives at their room and finds empty alcohol bottles in the trash and she instantly thinks that it must have been the cleaning lady. Yes let's blame the probably poor POC cleaning person and not your alcoholic husband.

After I read that I had to put this book down and I didn't pick it back up for months. This woman was doing her damnest to fray my only remaining nerve. How are you so awful that I'm rooting for your piece of shit ex husband????

This woman complains about how rich and powerful the Biden family is multiple times like she didn't know they were rich and powerful when she married into the family. I support women staying home to raise their kids, my mom was a stay at home so I love stay at home moms....but some women should work outside of the home or at least get a hobby. Kathleen's biggest problem wasn't the train wreck she married, it was the fact that she was very obviously bored. Kathleen needed something that was just about her to focus on.

I'm not married, yall know I don't believe in marriage and I don't have kids because I hate them...So I'm not the audience for this book. If you've been married to a garbage human, I think you'll feel this on a different level. If you have 0 self esteem, you will really understand Kathleen. If you've ever spent days crying in your summer house by Ocean, then this is for you.

Now unfortunately I have to read Hunter's book next...I paid for it and I might be able to get that $10 back but I'm gonna still read it first...I don't have high hopes...but it might give me the train wreck juicy gossip that I've been craving. Either way I'm reading it so you don't have to.

[Tracey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kathleen survived The Bidens. America? Not so much.

[Neha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started drafting a snarky review at the halfway point of this book but ended up deleting it because Kathleen (mostly) won me over by the end.

I'll start with the bad stuff. It's hard to empathize with a wealthy woman who chose to be financially illiterate and ignore some glaring red flags in order to maintain her WASPY lifestyle. I cringed so hard when she brought up buying a beach house like it was nothing or paying close to $50k per year x 3 to send her kids to a fancy DC private school.

The second half was much better. I've read Hunter's book and Kathleen did a great job differentiating hers by filling in the gaps and providing her perspective on addiction and its effects on their family.

I would even argue that she let him off easy...

[Jenny Nichols · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciated Kathleen sharing her experiences and also coming to the realization of her codependency and moves on to over come and cultivate a life of her own. I feel this is her motivation to share her story in order to help others- a turning point in the book was where she decided no more secrets and began to speak her truth and live with transparency- this empowers others to do the same. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a spouse suffering from addiction and/ or narcissism.

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kathleen Buhle, the ex-wife of Hunter Biden, shares the story of her marriage to the President's son in this memoir. She met him right after college while both were volunteering in Oregon, and they married quickly after she got pregnant, thus she didn't truly see him for who he really was. Relying on his family name, wealth and charisma to gain well-paying jobs, their heady first years of marriage blinded her to his narcissism. Eventually, his addictions took over their family life, which now included three daughters, and Kathleen coped by trying to manage or control the situations that Hunter got into. Ultimately his cheating, poor money management and continued relapses doomed the marriage and they divorced. Truth be told I was hoping for a bit more heat to the story, but she gives a pass to President Biden and his wife (they truly were good in-laws) and doesn't disparage her ex-sister in law who had an affair with Hunter once her husband Beau died. She gave her all to Hunter and it says a lot about what a trash person he is in how he treated her. I wish her well in the future.

[TracyGH · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not put this down and according to other Goodreads reviews I wasn’t the only one.

I I loved that throughout this book the author took the classy road, so if you are looking for mud-slinging and dirt on the Biden family this isn’t the book for you. In fact, the Biden element was not the reason I even picked this book up. I don’t really have a dog in the U.S. political arena.

This was just an authentic read about anyone trying to navigate living with a person they love and their addiction. Even though addiction hasn’t been close to me 🙏🏻 I have seen so many others go through it and I think this book will make me better at emphasising with their situation.

Highly recommend.

[Tina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read a lot of addiction books and this is one of the most frustrating ones I have ever read

First off, I did not know that this book was written by a Biden. I just saw the word "addiction" on the description and had to read it. I have zero interest in the political side (+plus I am Canadian and so I have no horse in that race).

At times, I would have gladly smacked Kathleen upside the head. She was just so frustrating. How does a smart woman end up accepting and even be willing to continue taking as much crap as she did?

So many signs....starting with "accidentally" getting pregnant. I had to roll my eyes at this one because it is easy NOT to get pregnant.

Followed closely by letting Hunter Biden do basically what he wanted in their life together and this from day 1.

Also, can someone explain to me how this couple had enough $ to buy all these houses? She never worked outside the home and while he had good jobs, I doubt he was earning enough. Sure, Kathleen mentions that she really just went along with whatever he wanted I was still dismayed that Kathleen never bothered to get financially informed. Really??!!

She sounds more like one of those women born "just to serve her man".

For someone who was feeling uncomfortable, at times, in that family, she certainly grew accustomed to the good life quickly.

This is a theme throughout the marriage. He works and lies and she is highly co dependent. She never had to work a day in her life and has very little undertanding of what financial hardship truly is.

Travelling and living in expensive hotels right down to the most recent I phones for the kids, I really felt as though they were both clueless.

The constant "I love you" even though Hunter was horrible to her and even slept with her ex sister in law, coupled with her constant fear that she could not live without him was grating grrrrrrr.

Why do some women accept to be treated like that ? Trying to fix their relationship while he has affairs?

I won't even go into how despicable Hunter Biden is throughout the book.

Yes, he is an addict, but he was such an a@@ to his wife. She did not deserve any of it.

The writing is so good. Raw, honest and frustrating. The author does a great job with pacing while making sure that we have the info we need.

I am glad that she did not get into any polical issues and kept the details to a minimum in the few sentences where she talks about it.

Finally, I am so happy to see that she can, in fact, live without him.

Writing a memoir is a brave thing and writing one about her life with Hunter Biden is even braver.

Since I have never even seen Hunter Biden, I decided to Google him. Wow! just wow!

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very real, difficult read considering it is authored by the former daughter-in-law of President Biden. It evoked a wide range of emotions in me, mostly admiration for the courageous author.

[Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir told in a respectful manner. No tawdry details. Just the story of a marriage that was good until it wasn't anymore.

[HR-ML · Rating 3 out of 5]

Finished 08/30/22.

This was personal and hard to read @ times. What
happens when love withers?

This served as the memoir of Kathleen Buhle who
wed Hunter Biden, Senator Joe Biden's son, in 1993.
Joe currently is President of the Unites States. I gave
this book 3.5 stars.

She came from a working-class family in Chicago
and Hunter did not. Kathleen relayed Joe and Jill did
not spoil their kids, however at times Hunter came
across as entitled. Hunter received more attn when
Joe became Vice President to President Obama.
Kathleen reported Joe and Jill blocked off a wing of
their Delaware home to save on utility costs. They
were practical people.

Kathleen and Hunter (K+H) met in 1992 in Portland
Oregon as activists at Jesuit non-profit organization JVC.
Most were college students, all lived in the same home
and each received monthly stipends of $80. K + H wed
and had a baby while Hunter attended law school. They
eventually had 3 bright, loving daughters. Hunter worked
for the Dept. Of Commerce in DC, then a lobbying group,
then MBNA bank in Delaware, etc.

Kathleen wanted to attend graduate school. She tended
to defer to Hunter on big decisions IE where they lived &
how they spent their money. She admitted she enjoyed
their lux lifestyle IE had a home +a lake house, he drove
a Jaguar & she a Mercedes station wagon. Years later she
discovered they had no savings and were deeply in debt.
They'd lived beyond their means for years.

Hunter was very close to older bro. Beau, who eventually
died of brain CA. Hunt kept some secrets from his wife:
his substance abuse issue (alcohol + cocaine) & times
when he was unfaithful. He attended several in-patient
substance abuse programs w/ encouragement of his wife,
also of Beau. He even tried a questionable treatment in
Mexico.

Kathleen called herself "unhinged" & admitted she
looked through his pockets, his car and his smart
phone. She shadowed & stalked him when he moved
into his own apt. & sent him too many texts & acted
as his "sobriety police." A therapist later told her "you
can't force (substance abuse) recovery" on someone.
She kept most of this secret from her birth family,
daughters and friends. She was unclear did Joe & Jill
know about his substance abuse & other women?
Hunter voiced he had 2 alcoholic paternal uncles,
but Joe didn't drink.

Kathleen described Hunter as an introvert who did not
flirt. She did not realize it at the time, a drastic change
in personality, may indicate substance abuse. When
non-sober, he came home late, smoked cigarettes, had
a disheveled appearance, called her names, was impatient
or angry, acted disinterested or had a blank or glassy-
eyed look. Or impulsively connected with OW. They
eventually divorced after nearly 24 years together and
Kathleen felt relief from the secrets and had a new outlook.

I got the impression that Hunter didn't feel remorse for his
behavior, but it might have been Kathleen's POV? Beau died
in 2015. About a year later Kathleen learned that Beau's
widow Hallie & Hunter were having an affair. K+H divorced
in 2018 & she eventually changed back to her maiden name
in a court process. She went from part-time to fulltime at
the non-profit where she worked, serving domestic violence
victims. She did not ask for alimony.

ETA 09/01/22.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are looking for a memoir with dirt, this probably isn’t what you are looking for. I kinda was, and I had only planned on listening for a few hours today, but as the story went on, I was drawn in for the honesty and emotion the author puts in. Yes, I was saying “lady, this guy is a complete cad and loser” but I could tell (and cringe at the thought!) that she loved this man. She even manages to make the reader a little sympathetic to her husband, if only for a few moments at the closeness and loss of his brother. But yeah, gross let’s think about that love of his brother and the fact that he slept with his brothers widow. I laughed when Kathleen was on her first date after divorce and told the guy she was definitely not getting back with her ex and gave him the reason.

Anyway, I was going to tap out if there was any mention of politics or lectures about democrat policy and there was NONE of that. This is strictly a personal memoir and an honest look at a very troubled marriage and relationship and a little inside into the absolute MESS that is Hunter Biden. This is a very well done memoir.

[Deirdre McGuire · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not sure what she wanted to convey in this book. She clearly can’t divulge the family secrets so she tiptoes around the topics. I wanted to hear her story but I felt she was so guarded. There are a lot of unanswered questions- How is her relationship with her family? Does she regret listening to the therapists? How are her daughters? What does she want for the future? Has she spoken to Haley? Disappointing because I didn’t learn anything new.

[Ellie · Rating 4 out of 5]

fairly short read that’s definitely worth your time! not once was i bored. kathleen was very honest about her experience marrying into the biden family, how big an impact the death of beau biden had on the family glue, and the ultimate demise of her marriage to hunter. i really admire her strength and devotion to her kids.

[Jennifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was really bad, and none of it is anyone's business.

[Suzanne Mundy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bittersweet, courageous autobiography. Kathleen Buhle came into her own self without any help from her spoiled brat husband, Hunter Biden. While I admire Hunter's father, he did his son no favors by treating him like a demigod. Hunter needs help with his addiction to alcohol, drug, and prostitutes. He needs help in relating to women and his vulgar language. I read Hunter's story too. I was not impressed. However, Kathleen Buhle had emotional support and was able to rise above her troubles. Kathleen Buhle is a woman of courage.

[Manny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book. Hunter was and is a degenerate. This poor woman. It’s like if she was bread to suffer. It’s funny how the enabler blames themselves. She barely touched on the level of depravity by Hunter.

[Nansi D · Rating 5 out of 5]

A raw and emotional read, I had no idea starting this memoir that it was about Kathleen Biden, daughter in law of Joe Biden, I didn’t know much about Hunter Biden at all, a story about a woman finding her voice again and learning who she was outside of someone else’s shadow. I recommend it.

[Therese Alvarez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good memoir reflecting Kathleen’s marriage. Her ex Hunter Biden is an a******. Addiction played a major part in her marriage. She was also so nieve regarding her marital finances and standing up for herself. Also the Biden family kept secrets and did not give her support. As a native Delawarean, her insight into the family over the years also was easily turn their back on her. I was happy to see she had friends and family who truly cared about her.

[BIGNOSEINABOOK · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5 starts - this book is excellent
Kathleen writes so well

read this book
remove politics from the equation and you have a moving book about a woman that suffers through her spouses addiction and is slowly reinventing herself

kathleen is so much more than her ex-husband’s last name
she is a survivor……: i am thankful kathleen found her voice , i look forward to reading more from her , possibly under a nom de plume so as to gain the notoriety she so deserves

[Christine Shaffer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pick yourself up, woman!

Hanging on too long to a worthless man. You are strong, you are smart, take care of yourself and your children!

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

Addiction is a mighty destroyer of marriage, love,self,family..yet Kathleen Buhle,Hunter Biden's ex ,found hope and healing to rise above the tangle of toxicity it wrought. Very inspiring and open and full of hope.

[Christine McLaughlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest, vulnerable, reflective. A fantastic memoir.

[Laurie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved her writing style. Such a strong woman/mom.

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

Could NOT put this down. Memoir from Hunter Biden's ex-wife, married to him for nearly 25 years. She was very polite to this unworthy man. Great storytelling and pace. Loved it.

[Wanda Keith · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you follow the news, then you won't find much in this book that you don't already know. Hunter Biden is a disgusting human being and his ex-wife was a co-dependent mess. The author is very careful in not smearing the Bidens as I am sure she doesn't want to bite the hand that feeds her and her children. Buhle is not a very interesting person as this book shows, but it is her story and she relates it fairly well. This is a good story about how addiction can not only be a disease of the drug/alcohol user, but also that of the loved ones who are caught in the web of the user. Buhle is a prime example of the co-dependent partner. Quick read.

[Sierra · Rating 3 out of 5]

An easy to read memoir. I appreciated the level of self awareness she included with the events. She didn’t call for pity regarding the events that happened, which I found refreshing.

[Lindsay · Rating 2 out of 5]

Agonizing to read this account of a smart woman’s LONG path to leaving such a terrible marriage.