The God of Wanking

by Peter Caffrey

After accidentally reviving a dormant demon, Diego is offered the deal of a lifetime. He can have his way with any woman he wishes, fulfilling his carnal desires. All he has to do in return is provide a regular supply of sperm. Like most schoolboys, he’s in the habit of regularly wanking, so he figures he has nothing to lose by agreeing to the pact.

Once the demon takes control, he manipulates the situation, leaving Diego trapped in a waking (or even wanking) nightmare. The daily duty becomes a millstone, dragging him down into an abyss of masturbatory misery.

Why does the demon want his semen, and has it anything to do with the numerous elderly women who are falling pregnant and giving birth to devil babies with unfeasibly large cocks? With the clergy and their militia hunting down the source of the impregnations, Diego finds himself a victim of the chaos.

As his world crumbles around him, his only hope is to free himself from the pact.

168 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 26, 2021

About the author

Peter Caffrey creates stories stained with the darkest of dark humour, featuring elements of splattery filth, horror, bizarro and absurdity.

Alongside numerous books, his work has also appeared in a number of anthologies including ABC’s of Terror (Vol 4), Call Me Hoop, Unamerican Trash, In Uterus, Prose in Poor Taste (Vol 2), The Best of Bizarro Fiction (Vol 2) and The Bumper Book of British Bizarro. He has also featured in many publications including Underbelly, Horror Sleaze Trash, Infernal Ink, Terror House, Frontier Tales and Schlock!

He likes apes, dislikes gravity, and is unlikely to change.

Reviews

[MadameD · Rating 5 out of 5]

The God of Wanking by Peter Caffrey is a must read for everyone who enjoy Bizarro.
This story has everything I like in a good grotesque irreverent story.
No one is untouchable in this well written tale.
Peter Caffrey is a master of irreverence. I had so much fun, and I laughed out loud. I love his sense of humor!
I highly recommend it!!

[Regina Watts · Rating 5 out of 5]

As much as I like Prunty, Caffrey has delivered the book THE SORROW KING should have been. An excellently-paced, splatteriffic encounter with a trickster god, full of sodomy, corncob cocks, and evil bastards. My favorite Godless.com title to date.

[Leeanne 🥀 The Book Whor3 🥀 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was hilarious and such a lot of fun!
Another banger from Peter Caffrey who had me LOL on every page.
Love how his mind works.....complete bonkers!!

Highly recommended!!

[Hail Hydra! ~Dave Anderson~ · Rating 4 out of 5]

A shiver passed through her at the realisation of what had happened. Demons had come to their village; real demons with malicious intentions, not the fairy tale devils the monks talked about to make the children behave. They’d entrapped Diego and made him perform unspeakable, sinful acts. They’d tried to destroy him, to damn his soul to hell...

[Peter Topside · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was fantastic! The cover and title made me think that this would be a stupid, silly, and downright mindless affair. And I was up for that today. However, what I got was so much more. Tons of plot points, a great flow, and very memorable characters, this was a unique blend of various subgenres of horror. Diego, our lead, found himself in this too good to be sort of situation. God, if I was given the same opportunity he was at that age, I would have laid more pipe than a skilled tradesman. To an adolescent boy, masturbating is as important as air. If they could harness the energy of my time in that age group alone, they could supercede nuclear power as an energy source. Anyway, his back and forths with the Fornicator were top notch. Equal parts scary, erotic, and humorous, I enjoyed all of that the most. And the depth that the author took to explain our antagonist and the religious construct that surrounded it was fabulous. Even to someone who isn’t religious, such as myself, it was really interesting. The ending caught me off guard, but made perfect sense, so it was a welcomed surprise. Peter Caffrey had a great showing here that should appeal to a wide array of readers. Wank on!

[Simon McHardy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Who ever knew wanking could be so dangerous. Diego’s sinful habit sends him on a bizzaro adventure involving well endowed demonic babies, pregnant pensioners, even more wanking and a corn effigy that can’t get enough jizz. If Caffrey doesn’t ascend to bizzaro/horror cult status I’m giving up wanking for good.

[Lindsay Crook · Rating 5 out of 5]

This my favourite Caffrey book so far. I cried laughing. Ugly short laughs. Pete's humour is awesome I laughed all the way through this absolute banger of a book.

[Corrina Morse · Rating 5 out of 5]

OK, This was awesome fun!! I couldn't put it down!! Demons, well endowed demon babies birthed by pensioners, mandatory masturbation, what more could you want? There was a perfect mix of humour, brutality, blood, sex and gore, and I found it delightfully gross!! I've also learnt a lot of new awesome insults!! 😂 This was really well written and a joy to read. I will be buying more from Peter Caffrey for sure!! 🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽

[Linh · Rating 5 out of 5]

HOOOOLYYYY FUCK (literally!)

This book is wild. It's horrifying, raunchy, absurd, and absolutely hilarious. I laughed out loud several times while reading.

The only thing that may be helpful to know before jumping in is, you'll probably need to get through the halfway mark to see that plot-roller-coaster picking up speed. But since this book is shorter than 200 pages, I didn't mind the slow start.

Also, completely related; I will not be eating corn on the cob for a while.

[Todd Love · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bizzaro at its best. This if definitely way out there and I liked the journey!

[Mw Mw · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed the visual Caffrey paints as he tells the woeful tale of a boy named Diego and the unusual predicament he finds himself in. He unfortunately and inadvertently involves the small town he lives in. All the characters are well crafted, enjoyed them all. Gore and creep value score high. Well done.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had it all...it was gross,scary, disgusting, disturbing and funny...Yes! Funny,it had me smiling at first...then chuckling to myself then laughing out loud!
Corn On The Nob...Oh Sorry!I mean Corn On The Cob will never quite seem the same ever again 🌽🌽
This was extremely well written and very different, Peter Caffrey has a very clever and sick mind...but I love it.
Highly recommended to those who like alternative horror stories.
5 Demon Stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐😈😈😈😈😈 from me.

[Ian · Rating 4 out of 5]

' Just wanted the journey to truly go 'On-an-on-an-on -an-0n...ism' forever!'

I'm pleased to report that this quite unique and often extremely humorous dark, naughty - but nice, good adult adventure proved to be one not to be missed. Phew, what a relief!

Lots of action, some great characters and a storyline that was well paced and totally unexpected.

A young boy is physically developing fast and, with the help of private experimentation, his thoughts are increasingly turning to the fairer sex and the pleasures and delights in life that may lie ahead of him. But for Diego the world is going to prove to be full of surprises, both good and bad. As was always the plan, sweet girls are on his radar, but also along for the ride he gets a foul and bitter and taste of deceit, torture, sexual exploitation, evil demons, a band of brothers, religious fanatics, death and despair. Yes folks, maybe be careful what you wish for, even when in the most private and intimate of moments - life could turn nasty...real nasty...and fast!

To grasp a flavour of the tale then just think of a melting pot containing moments of self-gratifying pleasure and pain and dark satanic disfigured devils and demons, all wrapped up with more than a touch of historical religious indoctrination - of the Spanish Inquisition variety! Expect plenty blood, gore pain, agony and, last but not least, barrels of fun and amusement along the way and, oh yes, maybe even a personal visit from a close friend of master Tomás de Torquemada himself.

Enjoy the ride as, believe me, it's definitely worth it. Highly recommended.

Rating: 4.2 bright stars...on the dark side!

[Xtina Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

IT’S CORN 🌽


DEMONIC FLAVORED CORN!!!!

[Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't know if this book was nominated for a Bram Stoker award but in my opinion it should definitely win a Bram Stroker award in the category of cornholling.

[Richard Bankey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Extreme bizarro. Not for the easily offended.

[Matthew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cornhub.
All must give to The Fornicator.
Wanting a little light-hearted entertainment I bought this by mistake before I put my reading glasses on thinking it was The Rape of Nanking and was not disappointed. It hit in all the right places and quite a few of the wrong ones too.

[John The Crippledgimp · Rating 5 out of 5]

😆😆😆.... 😆😆😆 Peter Caffrey is fucking hilarious... This book is fucking hilarious and who would have ever thought jerking off could be so fucked up and dangerous. Peter Caffrey fuckin rules. this is now my second favorite by him I laughed a lot throughout this one. Highly highly recommend this one.

[Sammm · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was significantly focused on sexual horror and a lot of it just felt like it existed for shock value.

Once again, the descriptions are really vivid and I appreciate the detail but damn they’re unpleasant lol.

I did really like how it ended but I don’t think I enjoyed much else. My curiosity was too strong for me to not finish though.

[Merrill David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Father forgive me, i read this filthy book and thoroughly enjoyed it. Surely thats a sin, but F this felt good ! Peter Caffrey ‘s God of Wanking !

#readhorror #horrorreadersofinstagram #splatterpunkhorror #extremehorrorbooks #merrilldavidhorror

[Gary Vassallo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another unique and awesome read from Peter Caffrey. I did not know what to expect from this one and it kept me guessing all the way to the end. It was totally bizarre in only the way Peter Caffrey can be bizarre. Loved it!

[Trish · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beneath the humour, the gore, the deliciously dark humour, is a young boy suffering torment. This is so well drawn and stays with you a long time after reading.

[AJRXII · Rating 5 out of 5]

That was fucking brilliant 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Oliver Behegan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beneath the somewhat polarising title lies an interesting little, if somewhat perverted, religious/ folk horror tale.