The Muslim Narcissist

by Mona Alyedreessy

Narcissism is a personality disorder that is essentially a by-product of deeply rooted issues from childhood and an over-inflated ego that pursues evil desires at the expense of one's faith, morals and the feelings of others. For years, psychologists, sociologists and mental health experts have dived deeply into the phenomena of narcissistic behaviour, providing a great scope of knowledge from their extensive studies. Some of these observations come from a Christian perspective, but within the context of Islamic psychology, knowledge about where narcissism comes from is scarce. It is important to understand why narcissism is becoming more prevalent among Muslims, when in fact there are teachings in Islam that guide us on how to identify, avoid, deal with and overcome it.

Patriarchal societies are primarily associated with men who have narcissistic tendencies, however more and more women are displaying similar behaviours in their relationships too. If you are one of the many people who have come into contact with Muslim narcissists, you will know how difficult it is to maintain relationships with them. As a British Muslim sociologist and counsellor, I often see that many men, women and children have been suffering for years as a result of other Muslims distorting the meaning of various teachings from The Qur'an and Hadiths into justifications for their religious and spiritual abuse and oppression. There are many detrimental consequences for this, the major one being the depletion of faith from the hearts of those who associate problematic attitudes and characteristics with Islamic teachings, due to a lack of awareness of narcissism.

In this book, I will share with you what the Islamic faith tells us about narcissism and where it comes from, how people develop this disorder, how to recognize and avoid Muslim narcissists and how to help and deal with them, enabling you to move on from a toxic situation. I will give you fascinating insights as to why you attract them and how to break the cycle of being a victim, so you can attract healthy people and relationships into your lives. This book will also serve as an eye-opener for those who possess strong narcissistic traits for them to see the negative long-term impact their behaviour has not just on the lives of others and the community, but on their own lives if left unaddressed. I truly believe when people face their demons and heal from their traumas, our Muslim homes and communities will be healed and saved too.

"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves."

(Al-Qur'an, Al-Ra'd: 11)

Genres: Islam, Nonfiction, Self Help

522 pages, Paperback

First published December 1, 2021

Reviews

[Meghan Davis strader · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked up this book as a potential source for a paper I am writing about spiritual abuse for a comparative religion course. This book is full of damaging, abusive, and problematic messages. Victim blaming is primary though. The thesis of the book is if “beautiful, intelligent and kind Muslims” just had a better understanding of Islam and an awareness of narcissism, they would not “remain unmarried into their thirties and forties.” Also problematic is the secondary thesis which is a logical fallacy and tautology. It basically states: if you are in a toxic relationship, you have failed to be a true Muslim, this is evident because you are in a toxic relationship and no True Muslim is in a toxic relationship. Uh, what?!?

[Sami · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really excellent book, I came across it online by chance when I was looking for something else. It is about a lot of problematic Arabs and Muslims and I found it to be extremely informative. I learned many new things about Islam, myself and others from it and it’s shifted my mindset to a much better and healthier one. No one I’ve come across has written about the subject like this author and I found it to be written from the heart and with honesty that was refreshing. She brings the hidden dirt to the surface so it’s dealt with and that’s exactly what we need. I’m going to buy this book for my friends, it’s truly amazing I really enjoyed it.

[berkan berghahn · Rating 3 out of 5]

i advice anyone before reading this to do research on the development of narcissism and that narcissism isn’t just “i love myself so much”. there are more layers to that mental disorder - and the author briefly mentions them. this book in particular talks about narcissistic abuse in relationships. pious muslims are not expected to be narcissistic so there isn’t much study on the development of it and that unresolved trauma is the root of it all. the author was blaming a bit too much. the abuse is real and devastating yes, but it’s important to highlight the development and how one can help make people aware of this issue.

[Simo911 · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is very excellent book I recommend it for everyone to read it

[sarah a. minhas · Rating 1 out of 5]

this is such a deeply, deeply problematic book... a book on muslim narcissists, from a muslim narcissist; a book that claims to heal your spiritual trauma, & in the same breath, reinforces it.

i am desperate to articulate everything that is wrong with this book, but i find i am left speechless. as a member of the community that has suffered greatly from generalisations & stereotypes, particularly since the 'war on terror' (do not get me started), i would hope muslims with academic accolades worth including in the suffix of their name would at least have the sense to not further propagate that same harmful rhetoric... IN THEIR OWN COMMUNITY!

this book reeks of holier-than-thou energy, & if you have any spiritual trauma that you are attempting to recover from, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS. this was so triggering for me to read as a victim of spiritual abuse, & i left this book feeling far less empowered in my faith than i expected. people do not fit into the stringent criteria of the self-created categories of muslims this author pushes over & over; human beings are never black & white, always shades of grey. you cannot be shaming people for 'wearing fitted clothes & heavy make up with a hijab' (especially when you have done the same thing???), using divisive language to describe levels of faith, othering people on the basis of their sins...

the most toxic kind of muslim is the one who turns people away from their (weak, limited, ~liberal~) faith, by making them feel as if their efforts are not enough.

[Annalisa Abdul · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing!! I learned so much about different types of narcissism. I love the fact that the author discussed about Islam in the beginning so people can be aware that Muslims are good people and also get people to learn about Islam especially for newly Muslims and reverts. I would highly recommend this book to every Muslim in the world that is going through narcissistic abuse from a narcissist or find themselves in a toxic marriage. Thank you for writing this book!!❤️❤️

[Eliana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’d been looking for a book talking about NPD from an Islamic perspective, and this book answered some questions I had and so much more. This book addresses Narcissistic Personality Disorder (obviously), patriarchy, misogyny, abuse, intergenerational traumas and how it affects us today, and how we play a role in a dysfunctional system. As some trauma survivors are privileged enough to attend therapy, we understand that we don’t attend therapy to change others but it will eventually change us for the better, God willing. “Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves.” (Quran 13:11)

This is a great book to educate oneself about NPD, and would also make a great gift for someone who you know is in an abusive relationship with someone with NPD.

[Huda Abbasi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely amazing book. There’s so much knowledge on 1) Islam and 2) the psychological part of Islam. Narcissism in Islamic perspective isn’t talk about often and I think this book covers a lot on this subject. I feel as though every Muslim should read this book to understand narcissism, co dependency, and empathy. It’s a very important read for those who are looking to get married as well

[Kimmii · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me realize what I have already known. that the type of man that I like, are a bit of trash, unfortunately😭😭

[Mohammad · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST-Read Guide for Muslims Navigating Marriage and Halal Relationships

I came across Dr. Mona Alyedreessy’s book, The Muslim Narcissist, after watching a few of her YouTube podcasts, and it quickly became one of those books that deeply influenced how I view halal relationships and emotional health. Recently, I bought a copy for my sister because I wanted her to be well-prepared for future marriage proposals and to know how to spot red flags early on.

What really sets this book apart is that Dr. Alyedreessy combines practical psychological advice with authentic Islamic teachings. For example, she explains how cultural expectations can sometimes push us into unhealthy relationships without us even noticing. Another section talks clearly about empathy and respecting ourselves spiritually—things that made a huge impact on how I approach personal boundaries now.

The practical advice in the book was extremely helpful. One part I showed my sister described subtle signs of narcissistic behavior and gave specific tips on how to handle manipulative situations while keeping self-respect intact. This made it easier for her to understand potential pitfalls in relationships clearly and practically.

The book also gives sincere guidance on healing from spiritual and emotional abuse, making it feel like more than just another self-help guide. It genuinely supports readers by combining psychological principles with Quranic verses and teachings from the Hadith. This blend has provided comfort and strength to my family during tough times.

Dr. Alyedreessy’s podcasts build nicely on this book, which feels like just the beginning of a deeper journey into understanding narcissism in our community. It’s not just a book you read and put away—it’s something that helps you reflect and grow continuously.

Overall, I genuinely recommend The Muslim Narcissist. Whether you're preparing for marriage, facing family difficulties, or recovering from past emotional hurts, this book offers real support and practical wisdom that every Muslim should consider reading.

[Nadia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good but very long read on Narcissism through a religious viewpoint and understanding. Narcissism is very prevalent in today’s society and is fed through social media. Things and people are not always as they seem and this book gives you more understanding on narcissists, co-dependents, and empaths. Sadly, while there is no “cure” since narcissists lack the ability to truly look within and see themselves at fault in any way because of their extreme insecurity, I do think it’s important to learn more about this personality disorder so that we may learn to manage ourselves more around them.
While this book won’t solve anything, extra knowledge on this topic can stay with you throughout your life.

The goal of religion is to purify your soul, to constantly look inward, and remove arrogance, hatred, and jealousy.

Books like this are also very subjective and your thoughts will be based on your own experiences. Certain things in this book may stand out and resonate with me while certain aspects may trigger you based on your life experiences. Read it with an open mind and take with it what you agree with (as is important with all psychology or self help books.) This is one authors take on the subject. I did skim parts that didn’t apply or didn’t interest me.

[Nadia · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is the perfect recipe for destroying families ! It’s all about blaming others not taking responsibility for one’s action and using Islam as a way of justifying that it’s ok to do so ! Quite frankly this book is fitna ! Creating a sect and promoting hate speech . one thing we forget is it take tow to create a problem . I hope this sister will have her content reviewed by a person of knowledge and would stop spreading the msg of hate and promoting divorce as a solutions . I do not recommande please if your looking for information get it from a reliable source and especially when it comes to Islam seek it from a person of knowledge!

[Rifa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bismillah. I started reading this book in 2023 and I am so grateful I read the book, I have also watched all the podcast and the Author Dr Mona has been amazing with her responses on instagram any question she would answer and then to my amazement I would be on the section she just explained to me. It really helps to understand Narcissism and the types there are and how there are so many sections that dives deep into understanding narcissism! I highly recommend people read this to understand people’s behaviour and also to help you and to take you into a higher level to become an empath. Subhanallah!

[Umar · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is good for anyone who wants to understand Muslim narcissists or just religious narcissists, which most of us encounter with, can be anyone, parents, spouse, relatives, friend, etc., but I didn't like how they made empathy into something superpower lol. Kinda odd for something bare minimum.

[sarah dough · Rating 1 out of 5]

The message of this book is straight-up irresponsible, even if the main thesis wasn't that mental illness comes from not being spiritual enough the author showcases a media literacy on par with the parents who say "video games cause violence."

[Rezwana Nazri · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting read.

[Sami · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really excellent book, I came across it online by chance when I was looking for something else. It is about a lot of problematic Arabs and Muslims and I found it to be extremely informative. I learned many new things about Islam, myself and others from it and it’s shifted my mindset to a much better and healthier one. No one I’ve come across has written about the subject like this author and I found it to be written from the heart and with honesty that was refreshing. She brings the hidden dirt to the surface so it’s dealt with and that’s exactly what we need. I’m going to buy this book for my friends, it’s truly amazing I really enjoyed it.

[Simo911 · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is very excellent book

[Samy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another thing theyre known is telling you about their paimful experiences with exes

They enjoy chipping away at your happiness until you feel worthless

Need to tear others down to feel powerful