On Failure: How to succeed at defeat

by The School of Life

A guide to the art of failing well—with actionable tips and a gentle approach This is a hopeful, consoling, gentle book about failure. Our societies talk a lot about success, but the reality is that no one gets through life without failing – in small and usually also in large ways. Sometimes our failures are very obvious, at other times, we feel we have to conceal them out of shame. This book encourages us to accept the role that failure plays for all of us and to feel compassion for ourselves for the messes we can’t help but make as we go through our lives. Full of actionable tips on how to approach life's inevitable failures from small to large, this is the perfect volume for anyone who has ever gone through a breakup, suffered a career crisis, made enemies, fumbled a project, or wasted their time. (In other everyone.) There is nothing more human than failing—and nothing wiser and more necessary failing well.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Philosophy, Mental Health

213 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 10, 2022

About the author

The School of Life is a global organisation helping people lead more fulfilled lives.

We believe that the journey to finding fulfilment begins with self-knowledge. It is only when we have a sense of who we really are that we can make reliable decisions, particularly around love and work.

Sadly, tools and techniques for developing self-knowledge and finding fulfilment are hard to find – they’re not taught in schools, in universities, or in workplaces. Too many of us go through life without ever really understanding what’s going on in the recesses of our minds.

That’s why we created The School of Life; a resource for helping us understand ourselves, for improving our relationships, our careers and our social lives - as well as for helping us find calm and get more out of our leisure hours. We do this through films, workshops, books and gifts - as well as through a warm and supportive community.

Reviews

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you, The School of Life, for the advance reading copy.

I have been reading this book for the past few weeks ever since I got the advance reading copy. Yes, this is a book you just cannot read and absorb in one sitting. As the title says, the book defines all types of failure we might face and what we can do about it; how to handle them and actually how to face them.

I find this collection a little towards the spiritual as well as to the philosophical side at times. However, most basic parts are practical which I really appreciate.

It's totally insightful and helpful.

[Nadhira Paramawasti · Rating 4 out of 5]

(4.5) This is one of the books that you can not simply read once. This book gives the same effect as when we tell our dearest friend or family that we have failed in life and this book is their reply. It acts as an understanding friend with ears to listen attentively to your thoughts as well as offering “uh huh, yeah, I understand,” every 5 minutes. As well as reminding you that your world is not ending just because you make a humane mistake or two. This book will give us clarity that is our lives are not our failures. As well as taking our hands and guides us to look at ‘failure’ closely and in a different set of eyes.

This book contains abundant lessons and understandings on failure in every spectrum, that will still be compatible no matter in which spectrum your failure fall into. The analogies and histories that are being depicted makes every sense and very helpful. I highly recommend this book to anyone that has experienced failure or anyone with loved ones that needed a lending hand.

[Marys.bookgarden · Rating 2 out of 5]

If failure had a textbook written for it...this would be it.
Came back to this book after being unsure of it. Not an easy read and definitely not something you can read in one sitting. It may take you a few weeks to properly absorb the book. It's very philosophical and makes you think. There are some spiritual connections as well that some may relate to. "On Failure" breaks down the different types of "failures" and goes into depth about each "failure" and tells about why we feel them and how you can learn to cope and understand the feeling. For the most part, I read this book like it was a textbook. I didn't really enjoy reading it. At first, I wasn't going to give any feedback but I decided against it. I wanted to keep going and see if it was just me. I think this book just isn't for me. It was black and white. I wasn't super intrigued. I kept having to go back and read because I was getting confused or lost. This book may be good for someone who enjoys "textbook" reading. I did learn a few things from reading and for that I am grateful. However, this is not a book id read again.

[Imena Ginac · Rating 3 out of 5]

The School of Life is about learning to fail and to learn how to continue when you fail. As everyone fails in their life and failure is a part of our journey to grow, having actionable steps to implement is very helpful. Failure is not avoidable and everyone experiences it all the time. The question is though How do you continue afterwards? The book isn't though intended to be read in one sitting. You can of course if you want to, but it is split into different Chapters so you can look at different types of failures whenever you need to. While in situations where you need to deal with a lot of emotions, this book can help to move forward and to understand your emotions better.

[Giuseppe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Libro molto bello, stile collana The School of Life che è composto da due parti: la prima affronta il fallimento donando una prospettiva nuova a questo avvenimento che tutti noi abbiamo sperimentato, in forme e occasioni diverse, di piccola, media o devastante entità; la seconda affronta la paura di fallire, quando il fallimento non è reale, ma è prodotto dalla nostra mente; personalmente ho adorato più questa seconda parte; un libro davvero utile anche per chi sente di non aver fallito mai (improbabile). Davvero consigliato

[Nils · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely up to the usual high standards of the SoL canon. At times was like reading a history of myself; not so much my failures but of the psychological soundtrack of my life. Packed with wisdom and insight. Essential reading and I’ll be coming back to this book many times.

[Lector Nómada · Rating 5 out of 5]

School of Life es la nueva Biblia. Exactamente lo que necesitaba.

[Cristian Rusu · Rating 4 out of 5]

How have other people managed not to mess up as badly as we have? We might be indoors, crying and hitting the walls or biting our hands, but outside, children are going to playgrounds, birds are singing, suited figures are attending purposeful meetings, families are laughing, youngsters are planning fifty years of success, shopkeepers are wishing their customers a good day and there will be parties to attend at the weekend. We feel like freakish, pitiable outcasts in a world of triumph, friendship, ease and contentment.
==========
Astonishingly, we are still inclined to trust that relationships might somehow be the fun, sweet, exciting and endearing bit of life. Let's be clear: there is no faster route to destroying ourselves than through love and sex. There is no more effective way of turning otherwise sensible and balanced lives into tragedies than through engagement with our romantic and sexual drives. No wonder people are nervous on first dates - they should be a lot more so (especially if the date goes 'well'). The chances of getting through our sex lives unscathed are negligible. No one properly informs us of the risks.
==========
Even if we have had the good fortune to know what our ideal destiny would be, we need to be very lucky indeed for the economy not to trample on our hopes. In almost every field we might consider, there are far more candidates than there are positions. The world is not waiting for yet another author or psychotherapist, furniture designer or anthropologist. Success requires a rare combination of talent and stubborn grit and relentlessness. We may fail not because we lack vision or talent, but because our hearts are too tender.
==========
Until - for some of us - our minds become our enemies. We lie in bed in the early hours and beg them to switch off, but still they continue to buzz and whirr, throwing out random worries and projects and visions as the hours turn from two to three to four - and all chances of a productive day ahead recede. Sometimes our minds get stuck on a particular loop of anxiety: they panic again and again about what might happen during a speech or a meeting, a shopping trip or dinner with a friend. Their ringing gets so loud, their worries so catastrophic, that we have to withdraw from an active life. We reassure them as best we can and still they insist on hysteria. The most minor challenges grow unbearable. We fear that everything is about to come to an end, we see terror everywhere, we have to check and recheck every point of concern - and yet the counsel and wisdom we take in can never stick.
==========
But the sad reality is that our minds are no less prone to malfunctioning than other organs of our bodies, and in no less dreadful ways. They can be instruments of torture. When our minds break down, we find ourselves unable to work, go out in public, approach any challenge with confidence, act as a responsible parent or build new relationships. We live in paranoia about disgrace and shame - we don't trust ourselves not to say something shocking or to harm ourselves or someone we care for. We fail in these instances not because of anything that has happened in the world, but because the minds through which we perceive it have turned against us.
==========
When we are proud, we stop noticing the ways in which we humiliate others; we forget to regularly remind ourselves of how flawed and absurd we are. We start to take ourselves very seriously - and we build up a store of anger in those around us. Every success we chalk up has quietly hurt someone else, and for a long time, they can't protest, because we can dominate and crush them with our power. But we have enemies, there is blood in the water - and when we make a mistake, they will be ready to turn it into an irreparable wound.
==========
A good life requires that we wrestle sincerely with the possibility that we might end it prematurely. Living should be a choice, not a command - and, especially in the wake of serious failure, we need to choose with our eyes open. If we are properly to respect life, we should never be squeamish about dallying for a while - a long and thoughtful while - with the notion that we do not have to be here.
==========
To liberate our thinking, we might start by looking back to the Stoic thinkers of ancient Greece and Rome, among them Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Zeno of Citium and Cleanthes. In different ways, these philosophers put forward the view that choosing our own end could be a realistic possibility that a self-possessed and intelligent person might opt for after a great deal of reflection, not just a momentary aberration or evidence of mental illness. Exceptionally in the history of the West, the Stoics held that there was nothing inherently shocking or forbidden about ending one's own life. It was, in their eyes, the birthright of every noble and free spirit to choose how long they wished to be here.
==========
Consider this letter Seneca wrote to a friend, sometime around AD 60: The wise man will live as long as he ought, not as long as he can … He always reflects concerning the quality, and not the quantity, of his life. As soon as there are numerous events in his life that give him trouble and disturb his peace of mind, he sets himself free. And this privilege is his, not only when the crisis is upon him, but as soon as Fortune seems to be maltreating him; then he looks about carefully and sees whether he ought, or ought not, to end his life on that account. He holds that it makes no difference to him whether his taking-off be natural or self-inflicted, whether it comes later or earlier. He does not regard it with fear, as if it were a great loss; for no man can lose very much when but a driblet remains. It is not a question of dying earlier or later, but of dying well or ill. And dying well means escape from the danger of living ill.
==========
People who take their own lives are very seldom trying to deliver an insult to anyone else, they are not trying to tell their children they don't love them or their friends that they don't matter, but this is how - despite every precaution - the act is likely to feel. Furthermore, the consequences of our death will ripple in unpredictable ways through society. When one member of the tribe decides the game isn't worth it, others - ostensibly unrelated - may also despair. The news of our end, in a few lines in the local paper, may be the final encouragement needed for someone else to despair fully of their circumstances. Suicide is catching; it weakens all of our resolve to keep going.
==========
This could feel like a dour and nihilistic philosophy: are we meant to keep going just to avoid burdening others? Is living just a socially mandated chore? It might sound dispiriting, but this idea contains a fortifying, and even releasing, message. We may indeed have nothing directly and personally left to live for, but we possess something far more important to justify our existence: the lives and happiness of other people. Living may not be our wish, but it can be something more robust: our duty.
==========
As we prepare the tool to end ourselves forever, it is necessary that we be filled with the conviction that we will always hate ourselves, that nothing about our circumstances can ever change and that the world will never shift in any way towards something more manageable and easier to bear. To kill oneself is to claim to know the future.
==========
The tragedy of suicide is that the act allows us one, and only one, mood to determine our entire future. It is therefore profoundly unfair to the many alternative or latent versions of who we are - the sweet self, the curious self, the loving self; unfair to all our selves to be murdered by the present, despairing incarnation of us that is right now dominating the control room of our minds.
==========
There are an infinite number of ways to lead a life - and it is simply part of our illness that we cannot, as yet, see beyond the one way of life that we loved and have lost. Like a grief-stricken, abandoned lover, we can't picture that there are alternative candidates; but just as we might meet someone new, so can we determine new ways to live.
==========
It is worthwhile to spend time considering how we might survive without any friends, without a reputation, without health, without any love or without much money. Only a few of us will ever write short stories for a living, but very many of us will be called upon by fate to rewrite the stories of our lives. That is the true destiny and function of the imagination.
==========
Everyone could, in theory, behave with benevolence and sensitivity. But this doesn't come naturally when a person has had to wait for the bus for forty minutes in the rain, when they haven't had sex in a month, when the boiler has broken again, when three of their good friends earn four times as much as they do, when they have a searing pain in their left knee - and when no one has been properly kind and thoughtful about their life and circumstances for many years.
==========
It is also love - the proper and most serious variety in the universe - when our partner is being plainly irrational, unfair, mean-spirited and maddening, and yet we do not, as we so easily might, launch a full dose of righteous anger their way, but instead hold back a little and wonder why this formerly sane and interesting adult should have fallen apart in this manner. When we contemplate the idea that they are not merely awful and vicious, but instead might not have slept very well last night, are perhaps panicked by what the future might bring them or might inside be dealing with feelings of lacerating self-contempt that they hardly understand, let alone know how to master. It is love to go up to them and extend our arms at precisely the juncture when we have so many reasons to slam the door in their face. However many songs celebrate the act, it is no particular feat to love someone who is on their best behaviour, who looks beautiful and who moves with grace through the world. What really cry out for our attention and our love are rather those people and things that are crooked and gnarled, damaged and self-disgusted. In this definition, love is the effort required to accurately imagine oneself in the life of another human - one who has not made it in any way easy to admire or even like them.
==========
In honour of these concerns, we might, on a future date, ask our partner: 'And how might you feel about waiting for me until I end a prison term?' Most would immediately look horrified and run away. A few will smile and utter a gentle 'but of course' - and we'll know then never to let them go.
==========
At one time, we might have had plans for happiness on an epic scale: we might have wanted to be happy 'forever'. Now we are satisfied if no further disaster strikes us before nightfall. We might once have sought out ever-increasing fame and power. Now we have been inducted into how quickly things can fall apart and won't take a quiet day for granted ever again. As newly failed beings, we may turn into people with an acute eye for small pleasures: a lemon on a windowsill, some clouds silhouetted by the evening sun, a fig, a piece of chocolate, a hot bath, a chat with a funny friend. The horizon shrinks: one comfortable lunch is something to celebrate. An afternoon in which we have not been visited by searing regrets is a triumph. It's a massive achievement not to think of killing oneself for an entire weekend. We take it a day at a time.
==========
Modern society tends to offer us two models for our living arrangements: we can either be alone or with a romantic partner. The drawbacks of both options are well known. The first has a habit of leaving us feeling abandoned, the second stifled and restless. We're in danger of either longing for company or wishing that we weren't stuck expecting one other person to fulfil all our emotional and practical needs - and, with even the best intentions, generally failing to do so.
==========
The inner life of a properly fearful person is so tormented that an ordinary day is able to serve up more occasions for terror and trepidation than would, for most of us, a rafting trip down one of the world's angriest rapids. On the outside, the fearful person may be doing nothing more remarkable than looking after a home or going to an office, but this tells us nothing about the scale of the challenges that they will be facing internally. From the moment they wake up, they will be haunted by a succession of the cruelest 'what ifs'. What if an email has arrived overnight detailing news of an illness or scandal? What if their partner's unusually severe or distracted manner is the first sign of a problem that ends in separation? The questions never stop and nor does the worried person's inability to find any satisfying and calming answers to them. Their worries flap and bang in the winds of the mind all day and night like a badly fastened shutter in a winter storm.
==========
If we drill into our core, it becomes apparent that many worries are essentially efficient ways of beating ourselves up and of doubting whether we are good enough to deserve anything satisfying and desirable. By worrying, we are finding a highly efficient way of depriving ourselves of the right to be content. Somewhere inside our worried mind is a sense of being an unworthy person. Our fears are plugged into boundless subterranean stores of self-hatred.
==========
So dreadful can the idea of failing be in our eyes that we may spend much of our lives - and expend titanic energies - trying to avoid it. We work with ferocity, scheme relentlessly, ingratiate ourselves with people we loathe and fill every minute of the day with schemes to raise our income and highlight our name. We scan the horizon fearfully for enemies and risks. We are, in the end, engaged in an exhausting race, in which we only ever feel a few moments away from what scares us above all: the beast of failure. For a long time, we may manage to stay just ahead of the spectre, until one day, wholly of our own accord, we come to an abrupt and surprising stop. We can't get out of bed; we can hardly speak; we can't be bothered to move or fight any more. We don't care what people are saying or what they will think. Despite everything we're meant to do and all the places we're expected to be, our deep selves are refusing to cooperate with our societal obligations. After a lifetime, something inside us can't take it any more. We're having a breakdown. In a way, it's the very worst thing that could happen. We're about to lose all our hard-won advantages. Our boss is shocked. Friends and family may try to remain sympathetic, but the disappointment on their faces is evident; this is extremely inconvenient for everyone who depends on us. Surely we were meant to be above this sort of thing? There are panicked attempts to contact doctors and psychiatrists and hopes that some pills might quickly bring this unfortunate episode to a close. Everyone longs for normality and a return to the treadmill of success. We are a truly terrifying sight, in our pyjamas at midday, wandering around the kitchen, talking about how meaningless most of what we have ever done has really been, gazing into the middle distance at a vase of lilac flowers and mumbling how we might want to change things, and be someone else. Breakdowns are undoubtedly frightening and a bore for those around us, but - within bounds - they can also be extremely useful. They can be occasions in which long pent-up or denied truths (about what we are angry about or deeply long for, what we want to do or who we hope to be with) punch through the veil of ordinary life and insist on being heard. A repressed authenticity fights the forces of inertia and the emotional status quo. We dare, in a way we perhaps have never done, to declare our true wishes. A breakdown may be a prelude to a breakthrough. From our earliest years, we might have felt that if we were to gain the support of people around us, we would have to succeed on their terms rather than our own. We sensed a choice between being loved and being real and - understandably enough - chose the former. We ticked boxes of their making. We jumped through their hoops. We became practiced at precisely meeting their expectations. We put our sincere selves away and bowed to their service. We developed world-beating expertise at people-pleasing. In our careers, we likely chose a safe but honourable profession where we could be sure of applause. We led blameless, honourable lives; we toed the line, we laughed when we needed to. We did what was expected. But the charade could only be expected to go on for so long. At some point, a deeper and more sincere part of us realises that we are going to die soon and declares that enough is enough. If this is the price of success, we want to fail. We may be scared of poverty and disapproval, but we are now even more scared of fakery. We cannot spend the whole of our lives in hock to the demands of people we secretly despise. We want to have lived at least a little before we have to die. And so we set about smashing the edifice of prestige and respectability that we have built up. We quit our job, we tell a few false friends to go away, we sit on our own for hours looking at the sky - and we weep at how insincere and lost we have been. We tell another few friends that we have at last found our path - and they ask us how long it might be until the medication starts to work. We have wilfully brought about failure in some areas of our lives in order to allow for a deeper, slower, quieter sort of success in another. From the prevalence of breakdowns, we can conclude that we don't simply fear failure; we also - in a strange way - long for it, because in certain incarnations, it can provide us with the energy to clear out the false gods we have been worshipping for too long. At this time, we make a resolution to stop pleasing everyone else in order to have a last, very overdue attempt at paying attention to the true self we have neglected for so long.
==========

[Mark · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not sure what people liked about this book. Sufficiently inadequate to keep me from considering any more of the School of Life books. Too superficial to be useful, and certainly lacking anything reminding me of school.

[Melpomeni Papadimitriou · Rating 1 out of 5]

A very weird and with abnormal messages book. I disliked ig and i would say that it might even be dangerous for someone who is not in a good mental place

[Diana Espin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel like there are better self help books out there.

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

My thanks to both NetGalley and The School of Life for an advanced copy of this book on trauma of failing ourselves and others both real and imagined.

The siren song of failure is one that has dragged many people down into the depths of depression, where all we can see, and think about is how much of a screw-up in life, love, family, career, basically all ways human. It's hard sometimes nigh on impossible to escape it's grasp once it has a hold on one's psyche. And in failure I mean both the real, say a business going under because of bad decisions. Also the failure of being a success, that one does not deserve that raise, that dream job, because of fear of being a loser. Sadly both these ideas can exist in the same space. On Failure: How to Succeed at Defeat by The School of Life, is a book that tries to help us deal with these thoughts and other thoughts on failure, a problem that seems to effect a lot of people.

Right at the top there are no false claims that this book will help a person in anyway. True change lies with the person, the book can only help make these changes possible. This is not a self improvement book where a writer has a plan that in 50-120 days your life will change, your skin will clear and love will be all around you. This is more a philosophy, psychology and advice tale, with stories and ideas to help a person deal with things. Failure is real. A person can lose a job or a companion, or family member, sometimes physically by making the wrong decision, ignoring the facts, or just bad luck. This is life. Imagined failings, I'm not smart enough for this job, i'm a failure and everyone knows that is similar but sometimes harder to discuss or deal with. The book is broken in various chapters about these subjects with ideas, advice, and sometimes brutal honesty, which makes the book refreshing.

The writing can seem mean sometimes. However they book is honest about what it can and cannot do. There is no magic wand, no special word that will make it all go away, or turn a failure feeling into a successful feeling. However what comes across most in the writing is, you are not alone, this has happened, and is happening to others. Talking might, or might not help. Asking for forgiveness might help, and asking for forgiveness of yourself is always a possibility. Appearance is everything in this country and world. If you unmarried, don't look successful, but happy, well you might be viewed as a failure. Divorced, working 90 hours a week, but with a great car and house and suicidal thoughts, the world will consider that a success. One never knows the inner struggles that a person faces, only our own. This book kind of helps to understand it.

Before reading this I read the Paul Newman biography, one that he had worked on for years and eventually shelved, due to many reasons. What came across, and Newman even admitted it, was that he felt like a loser, a fraud and a failure, as a son, a father, a husband, actor and man. Maybe this feeling changed but for the first 50 years of his life this was a constant. So if Paul Newman, heartthrob, actor, man's man, can feel like a failure, what hope do we mere mortals have. And yet he persisted. That's all we can do. This book will help a person keep fighting. And persisting.

[Domenica Puglisi · Rating 3 out of 5]

In Fallire e vivere felici l'autore, divide il testo in due parti, dove nella prima elenca e spiega i vari tipi di fallimenti in cui si può incorrere nella vita, come gestire le reazioni "cattive" delle persone che si confrontano con chi ha perso o sbagliato, come gestire il paragone con gli amici o le persone in genere che sembrino non fallire mai. Spiega come gestire l'amore e l'affetto famigliare e il concetto di rispettabilità borghese, su come anch'esso influisca sulla prospettiva del fallimento. E infine la conclude dando delle possibili vie per affrontare tutto ciò, prendendo in considerazione il cosmo, l'intero universo per ricordarci che in fin dei conti non siamo nulla rispetto a tutto ciò che c'è fuori come le stelle e le galassie lontane anni luce e che, di conseguenza, anche le azioni e le relative conseguenze che hanno portato al fallimento sono nulle. Oltre a questo fa gli stessi paragoni con la storia, con i numerosi eventi che si sono susseguiti nei millenni e che, per forza di cose sono stati dimenticati, nonostante tutto. Ed ancora il paesaggio che ci circonda, prendendo ad esempio i deserti, dovrebbero ricordarci, anche in questo caso quanto siamo piccoli.
Anche il tempo, così come per la storia, porta a far dimenticare a chi ha fallito ma soprattutto a chi giudica, l'oggetto stesso del fallimento e dovrebbe farci capire che alla fine, tutto passa e può essere accettato.
Questo concetto finale si ripete anche nella seconda parte dove si parla dell'ipotetico fallimento o meglio di quello definito immaginario, delle paure e delle frustrazioni, dei traumi che si ripercuotono sulla vita adulta e su come conviverci e soprattutto su come avere una vita meno stressante, prendendosi del tempo per riflettere, riposare la mente quando non ne può più osservando la natura, passando gli amici ma quelli "giusti", cioè quelli che capiscono il nostro dolore, che non lo scherniscono e non lo condannano, coloro che sanno amare e perdonare.
Se in un primo momento ero un po' sbalordita e perplessa, gli esempi riportati mi sembravano troppo lontani da me, e per questo il libro mi stava annoiando un po' facendomi andare a rilento, mi sono ricreduta nella seconda parte, ho ritrovato parti che mi hanno fatto riflettere e pensare ad alcuni eventi che, a volte mi provocano ansia e mi sono "rivista" in alcune descrizioni.
Sarà servito a qualcosa? Non lo so, forse in parte si, perché è vero, preoccuparsi prima, immaginare mille scenari serve solo a stare male e poi, alla fine, non si verifica tutto ciò che si pensa e che, se anche qualcosa non va per il verso giusto, si sopravvive, si va avanti e le cose a poco a poco migliorano.

[Dierregi · Rating 3 out of 5]

For those already attuned to the insightful musings of The School of Life's YouTube channel, "On Failure" promises an expanded foray into the ever-popular subject of... well, failure. And let's face it, in a world inundated with self-help books on how to succeed, it's quite a refreshing change to be handed a handbook on how to embrace your inevitable downfall. Yes, you read that right – if you've somehow dodged life's curveballs so far, brace yourself. This book kindly informs you that failure is not just a possibility; it's a certainty.

But don't worry, it's probably not going to be a colossal catastrophe. No, it’s more likely to be a series of minor disasters that remind you of life's unpredictability. The book mirrors the channel's stoic realism, diving into various types of failure before kindly offering up some solutions. One particularly quirky suggestion involves befriending ex-convicts. Apparently, these seasoned veterans of life’s harsher lessons make for the best companions for us mere mortals grappling with failure. It’s an interesting take, to say the least, though one might find it slightly eccentric.

After an exhaustive exploration of "real" failures – losing your job, going broke, getting caught in a scandal, or landing in jail – the book shifts gears to discuss the "metaphysical" kind. Let's jump into the mental torment of potential, imagined disasters, because why only suffer real failures when you can worry about hypothetical ones too?

As always, there's a generous nod to the damaging legacies left by our ever-blameworthy parents, and the Herculean task of overcoming childhood traumas as adults. It’s a familiar tune if you've read any of Alain de Botton’s previous works – the man behind The School – whose tone here feels more mature, perhaps a touch more melancholic, yet unwaveringly stoic in confronting life's harsh truths.

While I appreciate de Botton's efforts to offer solace through his body of work, both online and on paper, this book might just skim the surface for those well-versed in the art of failure. In summary, "On Failure" is a decent read, particularly for those new to the topic, but seasoned veterans of life's downfalls might find it a tad too superficial.

[Charles Francis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once again, I thank NetGalley for the opportunity to read this wonderful book. It is one of the best books I have read this year. If you are ready to have your emotions rocked, to have a lifeline thrown to you, to re-examen your life, to step back from the ledge, then I encourage you to pick this gem up.

The book starts off with the many types of failures, addresses suicide, the meanness of the world, etc., with many examples. It also, which is very important outlines a path forward, how to cope and deal with your failure.

I had a lot of trepidation when I first started to read. Frankly, I was afraid of what I would uncover in my own self-examination. As the introduction states, this is a book about failing, messing up, disappointing others, letting ourselves down and ruining our lives. The introduction goes on to say it is a book that is intended to be read at desperate moments: when we can't stop crying, when all our hopes have been dashed and when we are too ashamed of ourselves to reach out for help. I would say, you don't have to be in that dire of of need to read this book, but if you are, it is a balm for the psyche and the soul.

For those who read this and say I have not failed and I don't need to read this, my question to you is, are you so sure? Perhaps it was a marriage, raising a kid, not being there for a friend, abandonment, a scandal at work, etc. We have all failed, some more that others and if you think you have not, live long enough and you will. Some failures are life altering and others may not alter your life on the outside, but resonate for a lifetime inside, either way it is failure and how to deal with it the book addresses. It offers hope to all of us.

[Benjamin Hare · Rating 4 out of 5]

My soul was scooped out and souffled by this little book designed to be read at the worst possible moments of life; when all hope is lost, every penny is spent, all bridges are burned, and non-existence seems a preferable alternative to suffering. The introduction makes it clear this is going to be a rough ride: "This book aspires to be read in lonely hotel rooms and on the platforms of deserted railway stations. Its intended audience are those who bewail their fate, who wish they had never been born, who are going out of their minds with worry and who can barely remember a day when they were last not in agony." Some of the text will haunt me forever. I was not—emphatically not—ready for this book. The second chapter is titled "Should I kill myself?" and the question is taken seriously. The chapters on Imposter Syndrome, self-hatred, and fear are triumphs of mental distress put into prose. Each essay is a protracted, throat-sore scream that draws breath and then repeats periodically for 273 pages. I simultaneously adore and despise the way each subject is given a respectful, compassionate analysis. Some days the material was so depressing, the lessons so real, that I could only make it through a few pages. Highly recommended, but steel yourself to undergo some tough introspection.

[Cassidy · Rating 3 out of 5]

So I picked this book up initially to find some wisdom and learning in the times of failure that are more apparrent to us in the everday. That meetign that didn't go so well, the job application that didn't work our, the grades you didn't get or even just a conversation that you wanted to have differently. These moments that can inhabit our day to day lives and that we don't have to make devastating becausr they will be visited on us again and again. So learning how to deal with them and live them makes them more into a learning experience. This didn't include much of that, well it included some and enough to keep me interested. It preceded to talk about coming back from great infamy and wanting to kill yourself, which are far greater failures if you can call them that than most people will find in their daily life. What kind of infamy are we coming back from too? I would like to know given that the book presumes this to be a central tenet of the potential reader base. Still there is some wisdom here, although I do not think that network of great failures and the failing can mentor each other. It might become too much of a fest of self-pitying to wallow in, which this book would do well to avoid.

[Jitendra Vishen · Rating 5 out of 5]

When you are messed up , when you have disappointed others , when you have let yourself down, when you have ruined your own life. What do you do when all your hopes have been dashed and when we are too ashamed of ourselves to reach out for help. What do you do ?

The closer you look at a true, lived tragedy; the harder it is for words to have any useful impact. What can be said to a person who has just lost their livelihood, who has witnessed a loved one die, Who has ruined his professional career, Who will never be able to set foot in his home town again ? The challenge is so large. The psych is so ruined that they might simply prefer silence.

I think this book can change a life and give courage to move on with dignity.

[Chris Boutté · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was just strange. It’s been a while since I’ve read a School of Life book, but I was curious so grabbed a few, and I’m hoping the others are better. Based on the title and the synopsis, you’d think this book is about dealing with failure. While it sort of is, it oddly discusses suicide quite a bit. It’s like, “Hey, let’s calm down a bit. People can fail without being suicidal.”

The tone lightens up a bit about halfway through this short book. There’s some practical advice, but the main issue with this book is that they tried to cast too wide of a net with the audience. Something I learned a long time ago was that if you write for everybody, you write for nobody. This book could be worse, but I’m also sure there are plenty of better books on failure.

[Dione Hanke · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about learning to fail well! What?
Failure is nothing that I ever dreamed would be something I would want to learn to do well. It was always something I wanted to avoid at all costs.
Unfortunately, failure is something that we all do and have to deal with. We might as well learn to turn it into something positive. This book has actionable tips to help us do that. This book also reminds us that we are not alone when we fail - everyone fails.
The book is divided up into two sections - types of failure and fear of failure. The table of contents is detailed so you could use the book when you need it and just read the chapters that are related to your current issues.

[Greg Oxenham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not your traditional book. This book doesn't really have a narrative and isn't intended to be read as a complete work in one sitting. Instead, it is split into chapters which look at different types of failures individually. Each chapter has truly insightful and humane things to say about the moments which crush us and the nature of feeling like we have failed. It is written with a lot of warmth and understanding while dealing with some of the hardest emotions we might otherwise face in solitude.

[Felasiana Nurjihan · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s a wholesome book that is very much needed by everyone who has been experienced by FAILURE. Maybe this book isn’t that only book of self-help, where you can find bunch of solutions. Beside, this book is the one to help you dealing with your failure and how to overcome it. Every single words are therapeutic and calming making you want to lose deeply inside its words. Like I always said, TSoL always be a accompaniment for us who lose way and sense of life.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Non ti dice “andrà tutto bene” e neppure “gne gne”.
Offre un punto di vista diverso e interessante che può essere difficile da digerire.
Letto oggi nel 2025, dalla prospettiva storica nella quale viviamo, é un po’ classista.
Un borghese arricchito non accetta il fallimento ma si riprende.
Uno che non arriva alla fine del mese e con questo mercato del lavoro… damn!

P.S. Comunque ho scoperto altri traumi infantili. Yeah!

[Sym · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting read. I particularly enjoyed the practical focus on actual and perceived failure. It covers different areas of life, thoroughly, and sympathetically. This is a good title to dip into when times are good and I think would provide a much needed boost when life is a struggle. It offers solutions and is a title I would highly recommend everyone reads.

[Ann T · Rating 3 out of 5]

Failure, we all experience it, it’s part of life. This little book shares what failure is and the meaning that is often attributed it to. Is there a better way we can reframe these experiences ? The authors answer this question and more on failure, through their school of life.
A thought provoking, interesting read.

[Kathleen Duffy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks, NetGalley, for an advanced copy of this book. The writing style was dry and clinical, and I often found myself reading it in my head in monotone. But it had some interesting points within it; just felt like a mildly cynical textbook on failure.

[Murali Veeraiyan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book on how to make friends with failure so that you are able to control your anxiety. Will be of great help to people who currently are considered “failures” and those who are constantly dreading “future failures”.

[Aichurok Nurbaeva · Rating 4 out of 5]

A philosophical, melancholic, yet hopeful book on how to cope with different types of failures and defeats in life. Many of the ideas in the book are not new to me, but it was still nice to read this wholesome and grounding book at this point in my life.

[Jessica Min · Rating 3 out of 5]

Soft and comforting in its gloomy take on how to deal with failure - accept that we are all flawed and life is full of much more futility and lack of sense then we try argue it is. A bit depressive but a healthy dose of acceptance can be helpful in most circumstances

[Mohamed Feddad · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting, but not that philosophically insightful, probably I was expecting too much given it's the school of life.