Lifesaving: A Memoir

by Judith Barrington

In 1963, when poet Barrington was 19, an event sliced her life in two: the cruise ship Lakonia departed Southampton, England, with her parents aboard. Three days later, north of Madeira, a fire broke out, and 131 passengers, including her parents, were left stranded without lifeboats and drowned. (Her mother had often predicted she would die at sea, yet Barrington's father had been fond of egging his wife into sailing races and other water sports.)

In this accomplished memoir, Barrington recalls the three years that followed this incident, in which she fled to a small town in northern Spain; her book doubles as the lesbian coming-out story of a young woman who must resolve her truncated relationship with her parents. Flashbacks to a lonely childhood in which she couldn't connect with either parent and particularly despised her "pigheaded" father give way to a future in which Barrington is finally able to achieve a degree of resolution around her loss. And as Barrington recounts her adventures in Catalonia, where she worked as the tour guide at a busy winery, the narrative reveals the complex ways in which she began to find, and accept, herself.

Throughout, her writing is superb; she evokes smalltown Spain under Franco in lush detail with solid philosophical insight into the tragedy that changed her life: "What I had gleaned from my parents' death was not that ships are dangerous, but that what you fear most is." Among the growing number of memoirs, this is a gem. -- Publishers Weekly

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir

192 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2000

Reviews

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gem of a memoir that depicts village life in Spain and the ways, as a young woman and an expat, she grapples with (or more like, suppresses) the tragic deaths of her parents and her coming to understand she's a lesbian. Beautiful writing that just keeps getting better as you go.

[Liralen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Barrington was nineteen when her parents died—nineteen and utterly unprepared for their loss. At loose ends, and in no small part blaming herself for not having been there to save them, she moved to Spain, where nobody knew her and where she could piece her life back together.

Lifesaving was published long after their death and long after the bulk of the events of the book, and that distance has served Barrington well. Most of the time her grief is solely in the background, informing her actions but taking a very small role itself. Gradually she is able to look at it more directly—at loss and at guilt and at the now what of the story. She grapples also with her sexuality and the fact that she'll never have to, or be able to, come out to her parents. Better, while she doesn't spare herself, she looks back upon her younger self with compassion.

Thoughtful book, nicely done. I made the mistake of reading this a few weeks before a Channel crossing by ferry (to be fair, I didn't know I would be making said crossing when I read the book), and if you're boat-nervous as I am I really can't recommend that, but it made for a worthwhile read.

Later this scene became so familiar that it was almost invisible. It was hard them to recapture this first impression: how foreign yet how comfortable it all seemed. How much I was an outsider, yet how immediately I knew I belonged. (37)

Though I certainly didn't think about it at the time, I now see that I was meant to agree [that no girl is tough like a boy]: to giggle like a girl, maybe to argue ineffectively and defer to his masculinity. I suppose this was just one of several openings he created through which I could have embarked upon a spectacular but doomed affair. But I never saw the possibility—at least, not on those terms. I didn't have it in me to giggle and assent to the assumption of my feminine weakness. (61)

In those days I looked at my life as if it were a novel or a movie, in which I was the star.... These stories kept me living in a present I could make up as I went along; there was no room in them for the past. (86)

Most people don't have safe opportunities to feel. (97)

[Marge · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this book up after really enjoying Barrington's classic on writing memoir, "Writing the Memoir: From Truth to Art." Her own memoir is a fine example of a book focused on a particular issue - in this case, dealing with her parents' death by drowning when Barrington was 19. I found the end particularly moving.

[Corrie Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a beautiful summer surprise. Do you know that book you randomly pick up and find yourself wondering why you've never heard of this book before? that's Lifesaving! Save this book for a breezy sunny day that you can leisurely enjoy in a hammock or by a lake, it'll enhance the glowing imagery and transport you to the 1960's southern coast of Spain.

[Kathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love to read memoirs, and I really wanted to like this book, but something about the way the author tells her story made it hard for me to connect with her. The book deals primarily with her summers in Spain, both as a child and later, after her parents have died in a cruise ship sinking, as a young adult who clearly has no idea what to do with herself. She appears to have no support system (which is certainly true in Spain), but I would have liked to know more about how she spent her time in England , which she apparently returned to every year. I do realize that the matter of fact way in which she described her experiences mirrors her mental and emotional states during those years, being so careful not to look to closely at the feelings she has buried, but it doesn't make for a fascinating read.

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Haunting. Honest. Vivid.

[Izabella Counts · Rating 3 out of 5]

Absolutely devastating epilogue, most painful I've ever read.
Left me wanting more. What happens between 23 and 40?

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gorgeous and thoughtfully-written memoir. I loved it.

[Theresa · Rating 3 out of 5]

When the author was 19 her parents both drowned as a result of a fire on a cruise ship. This is the author's story of her attempt to make sense of her life by taking refuge in Spain, where her parents spent time during their early married life and during holidays. The pacing is good, the writing is clear and the writer enfolds the story in a way that keeps the reader's attention.

Now that I'm finished, I have to say that I liked the first half of the book better than the second. The narrator bogged down a little in descriptions of family movies and other details that were not as interesting as her desperate rush to avoid the grieving process.

[Reiden · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading Lifesaving reminded me of visiting an art gallery and being inspired to paint. Judith Barrington makes creative writing appear so fun and effortless. I ended up reading the book in two days only because I couldn’t put it down, well until the last 20 pages that is. I guess I was hoping that it would end on a happier note. But then again, I guess that’s the reality of memoirs - they’re not always meant to have happy feel-good endings.

[Jeremiah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this a lot more than I did. I felt like there were a lot of unfinished thoughts and tales in the book.

[Alissa]

Interesting book. I just love reading about people's lives and experiences.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots of lyrical language and descriptions.