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Parenting Outside the Lines: Forget the Rules, Tap into Your Wisdom, and Connect with Your Child
No-nonsense, sanity-saving insights from the Washington Post on Parenting columnist--for anyone who's drowning in parental pressure and advice that doesn't work.
Ever feel overwhelmed by the stress and perfectionism of our overparenting culture--and at the same time, still look for solutions to ease the struggles of everyday family life? Parenting coach and Washington Post columnist Meghan Leahy feels your pain. Like her clients and readers, she grew weary of the endless "shoulds" of modern parenting--along with the simplistic rules and advice that often hurt more than help.
Filled with insights based on child development and hard-won lessons in the trenches, this honest guide presents a new approach, offering permission to practice imperfect parenting with a strong dose of common sense, empathy, and laughter. You'll gain perspective on trusting your gut, picking your battles, and when to question what's "normal" (as opposed to what works best for your child).
Forget impossible standards and dogma, and serving organic salmon to four-year-olds. Forget helicopters, tiger moms, and being "mindful" in the middle of a meltdown (your child's or your own). Instead, discover relatable insights for staying connected to your child and true to the parent you want to be (and already are).
Ever feel overwhelmed by the stress and perfectionism of our overparenting culture--and at the same time, still look for solutions to ease the struggles of everyday family life? Parenting coach and Washington Post columnist Meghan Leahy feels your pain. Like her clients and readers, she grew weary of the endless "shoulds" of modern parenting--along with the simplistic rules and advice that often hurt more than help.
Filled with insights based on child development and hard-won lessons in the trenches, this honest guide presents a new approach, offering permission to practice imperfect parenting with a strong dose of common sense, empathy, and laughter. You'll gain perspective on trusting your gut, picking your battles, and when to question what's "normal" (as opposed to what works best for your child).
Forget impossible standards and dogma, and serving organic salmon to four-year-olds. Forget helicopters, tiger moms, and being "mindful" in the middle of a meltdown (your child's or your own). Instead, discover relatable insights for staying connected to your child and true to the parent you want to be (and already are).
256 pages, Paperback
Published February 8, 2022
16 people are currently reading
339 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
January 30, 2021
I'm reading this book from the perspective of a daughter/child and as a future mother someday. Makes some solid points, but not quite enough - many of the advices are rudimentary and sort of geared at first world western countries and white moms. I particularly enjoyed the "parenting can't be transactional" bit as it spoke loudest to me. I felt it went too far with some advices that didn't make sense - I think that children should be taught appreciation and halted and explained some things like the value of a meal. Depending on their age of course. Kids mostly imitate behavior so I agreed with limiting your own tech use and being mindful of your own habits. Apologizing when lashing out or explaining yourself to your kid is also a valid point. Other than that I felt the other advices were either too irrelevant or didn't make much sense.
August 11, 2020
I've been a big fan of Meghan's for awhile now through the Washington Post - so many of her columns have helped me in my parenting over the years. So when I heard she was coming out with a book I assumed it would be a collection of these columns. But readers, it was even better.
Meghan approaches parenting from a place of compassion and consideration. The chapters and topics are thoughtful, timely and relatable. And what I appreciate most is that she acknowledges all kids and families are different. As someone with a child who likes to push every boundary, it was so refreshing to hear that parenting is not a one size fits all solution.
Early on, Meghan acknowledges "without meaning to, parenting has been turned into a business, and that business is monetizing our parental fear." This business makes us question every single decision we make and if it's the right one. When all we really need to look inwards and trust ourselves, and she's there to help us do that.
In short, I can not recommend this book enough. Her approach to parenting is so refreshing and relatable, and more importantly gives specific, actionable activities that help us look at our parenting strategies and how to make them best fit OUR families.
So get your highlighter/book darts ready because this book is full of wisdom and insight that you will return to for years to come!
Meghan approaches parenting from a place of compassion and consideration. The chapters and topics are thoughtful, timely and relatable. And what I appreciate most is that she acknowledges all kids and families are different. As someone with a child who likes to push every boundary, it was so refreshing to hear that parenting is not a one size fits all solution.
Early on, Meghan acknowledges "without meaning to, parenting has been turned into a business, and that business is monetizing our parental fear." This business makes us question every single decision we make and if it's the right one. When all we really need to look inwards and trust ourselves, and she's there to help us do that.
In short, I can not recommend this book enough. Her approach to parenting is so refreshing and relatable, and more importantly gives specific, actionable activities that help us look at our parenting strategies and how to make them best fit OUR families.
So get your highlighter/book darts ready because this book is full of wisdom and insight that you will return to for years to come!
January 31, 2021
Эцэг эх байх үнэхээр амаргүй ажил. Үүнийг хялбар гэж бодож өөрийгөө буруутгаж байгаа бол та бид эндүүрч байгаа аж. Харин ч хэцүү учир өөрийхөөрөө байж асуудлыг хамт даван туулах чингэхдээ хүүхдийн өнцгөөс асуудлыг харж өөрийхөө бусдад хүлээн зөвшөөрөгдөх хүсэлд хэт анхаарал хандуулалгүй бодитоор асуудлыг харж хүлээн зөвшөөрөх ямар чухлыг мэдэж авлаа.
April 22, 2021
Probably the most unhelpful of the parenting books so far. My takeaway was: Don’t let your kids run the show, but if they do there is nothing you can do about it? Also there was a lot of follow your heart, and I’m way too reformed to find that to be a good strategy.
Honestly the extra star was basically because she had a kind tone.
Honestly the extra star was basically because she had a kind tone.
February 12, 2022
Another one in the genre of "you read too many parenting books and are stressed about it, but haaaaaaave you tried this one?"
Honestly How to Talk So Kids Will Listen is the gold standard.
Honestly How to Talk So Kids Will Listen is the gold standard.
July 14, 2020
Review: Parenting Outside the Lines
Megan Leahy is pure entertainment. Her debut book entailed ‘Parenting Outside the Lines’ is a must-read for all parents; parents in need of guidance or family solutions, parents seeking to understand their children’s behaviours more comprehensively, parents hoping to strengthen and build a better relationship with their children and parents who think they have it all figured out. Much like the way she speaks to her audience on Facebook, Meghan’s no nonsense, tell it like it is style jumps from the pages. She doesn’t bore the reader with data and statistics of how families theoretically should function, or even how to actually parent. Rather, Megan’s book invites you to self reflect as to what type of parent you are currently and most importantly WHY. Without judgment Megan Leahy supports all types of parenting styles, all the while reminding the reader that we can change things at any moment, change ourselves, change the family dynamics and change the outcome if something is not working.
‘Parenting Outside the Lines’ is an enjoyable read, in a conversation style…so, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy.
Megan Leahy is pure entertainment. Her debut book entailed ‘Parenting Outside the Lines’ is a must-read for all parents; parents in need of guidance or family solutions, parents seeking to understand their children’s behaviours more comprehensively, parents hoping to strengthen and build a better relationship with their children and parents who think they have it all figured out. Much like the way she speaks to her audience on Facebook, Meghan’s no nonsense, tell it like it is style jumps from the pages. She doesn’t bore the reader with data and statistics of how families theoretically should function, or even how to actually parent. Rather, Megan’s book invites you to self reflect as to what type of parent you are currently and most importantly WHY. Without judgment Megan Leahy supports all types of parenting styles, all the while reminding the reader that we can change things at any moment, change ourselves, change the family dynamics and change the outcome if something is not working.
‘Parenting Outside the Lines’ is an enjoyable read, in a conversation style…so, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy.
January 31, 2021
Parenting Outside the Lines (2020) is an essential guide to forgetting everything you’ve ever learned about parenting – and following your intuition instead.
Parents are insecure and desperate to get it right.
So they need to keep searching for the perfect book or workshop that will tell them how to raise their children.
But, truthfully, there is no perfect method.
The only thing they can do is learn how to tune into themselves and their children, and respond to specific situations with flexibility and grace.
Parents are insecure and desperate to get it right.
So they need to keep searching for the perfect book or workshop that will tell them how to raise their children.
But, truthfully, there is no perfect method.
The only thing they can do is learn how to tune into themselves and their children, and respond to specific situations with flexibility and grace.
September 11, 2020
"If we're going to take responsibility for everything hard about our children, then we should take responsibility for everything good about them too."
The language and candor isn't for everyone, but I felt "called out" quite a bit. And I needed it.
The language and candor isn't for everyone, but I felt "called out" quite a bit. And I needed it.
March 12, 2021
I’ve been reading meghans Washington post articles for about three years now and really like her approach to guiding parents.
February 9, 2023
I really enjoy Megan Leahy's parenting advice in the Washington Post online. She seems so even-keeled and practical, so when I found out she had a book, I had to check it out.
Leahy's book does not disappoint. Her advice still comes across as practical, and there's a warmth to her writing. She's really positive, and even when her advice calls out the parent for unbecoming behavior (e.g. "...the parent should never wait for the child to apologize first....Never ever, ever wait for your child to be more mature than you."pp. 180-181), she doesn't leave the reader feeling bad about himself or herself.
I love that she offers personal anecdotes; that's part of what gives warmth to the writing. It's not a cold, clinical approach to parenting. Don't be thrown off by the use swear words (which we don't see in her WaPo work, of course) or the very casual, conversational writing; I think all of this works, and we see that Leahy is right there in the trenches with the reader.
I also love that she doesn't offer just one way to solve things or a one-size-fits-all approach. She offers different techniques and often suggests to try just one. I also like that the book caters to parents of teens as much as to parents of toddlers. (There are a couple of chapters on dealing with multiple children, and I skipped them at first. Skimming them now, I see that there are a few good nuggets that could be applied to an only, as well.)
I have flagged multiple pages in the book to return to and re-read. Here are some (but not all) of my takeaways from Megan Leahy's excellent, down-to-earth debut book, either directly quoted or paraphrased:
Connect with your child, be present (put down the phone and give your child full attention), don't push your kid into feelings (of remorse, or whatever), don't make bad apologies ("I'm sorry for ___, but you ___" = terrible!).
"...love [your child] for who she is, today, right now." (p. 26)
"Connect, connect, connect. Have faith, have faith, have faith." (p. 171)
Leahy's book does not disappoint. Her advice still comes across as practical, and there's a warmth to her writing. She's really positive, and even when her advice calls out the parent for unbecoming behavior (e.g. "...the parent should never wait for the child to apologize first....Never ever, ever wait for your child to be more mature than you."pp. 180-181), she doesn't leave the reader feeling bad about himself or herself.
I love that she offers personal anecdotes; that's part of what gives warmth to the writing. It's not a cold, clinical approach to parenting. Don't be thrown off by the use swear words (which we don't see in her WaPo work, of course) or the very casual, conversational writing; I think all of this works, and we see that Leahy is right there in the trenches with the reader.
I also love that she doesn't offer just one way to solve things or a one-size-fits-all approach. She offers different techniques and often suggests to try just one. I also like that the book caters to parents of teens as much as to parents of toddlers. (There are a couple of chapters on dealing with multiple children, and I skipped them at first. Skimming them now, I see that there are a few good nuggets that could be applied to an only, as well.)
I have flagged multiple pages in the book to return to and re-read. Here are some (but not all) of my takeaways from Megan Leahy's excellent, down-to-earth debut book, either directly quoted or paraphrased:
Connect with your child, be present (put down the phone and give your child full attention), don't push your kid into feelings (of remorse, or whatever), don't make bad apologies ("I'm sorry for ___, but you ___" = terrible!).
"...love [your child] for who she is, today, right now." (p. 26)
"Connect, connect, connect. Have faith, have faith, have faith." (p. 171)
September 23, 2020
Being vulnerable and connecting with our kids ... because each child and each parent is unique. It is about the relationship, and how that relationship changes over time. This is the essence of the Meghan Leahy's message that keeps weaving itself through every chapter.
While sad that I didn't have access to her nuggets of parenting wisdom for my first child 13 years ago, it's never too late to start, and I must say, my daughter seems most pleased. My son, about to be born, will reap the biggest direct benefits, but really, the whole family's connection is on the rise.
She covers a great variety of parenting attitudes, fears, and approaches. You will find yours. It will smack you upside the head and probably send you through a short grieving cycle. But then, you've owned it ... and day by day, you'll get better. It's not about perfection - it's about the connection, the honesty, the vulnerability. Yes, there's vulnerability with the child, but my big personal insight was becoming vulnerable with MYSELF.
This book is fantastic for the parents of grown children, teens, and toddlers. If there was one sentence to latch onto forever it would "never ever, ever wait for your child to be more mature than you." This books helps you get there.
While sad that I didn't have access to her nuggets of parenting wisdom for my first child 13 years ago, it's never too late to start, and I must say, my daughter seems most pleased. My son, about to be born, will reap the biggest direct benefits, but really, the whole family's connection is on the rise.
She covers a great variety of parenting attitudes, fears, and approaches. You will find yours. It will smack you upside the head and probably send you through a short grieving cycle. But then, you've owned it ... and day by day, you'll get better. It's not about perfection - it's about the connection, the honesty, the vulnerability. Yes, there's vulnerability with the child, but my big personal insight was becoming vulnerable with MYSELF.
This book is fantastic for the parents of grown children, teens, and toddlers. If there was one sentence to latch onto forever it would "never ever, ever wait for your child to be more mature than you." This books helps you get there.
May 10, 2023
Loved this book! Best parenting book I have read since “How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen.” I resonated so much with this author and had so many moments when I understood to a tee what she was talking about! What a relief to have a book advise me to trust my own instincts because I truly am the best mom for my kids and I know what works and what doesn’t work with them. The best advice from this book is that there is no one single method for best parenting…that we need to observe our kids and what is working and what is not working, and then proactively evaluate what we are going to do about issues that come up with all the knowledge we have gained over time. LOVE LOVE LOVE! I will recommend this book to anyone out there who feels like there is so much information when it comes to parenting and nothing that meets all of their needs pertaining to their children. This book gives parents the freedom to use their knowledge and skills to parent their children with wisdom in a way that meets the needs of their family. Breath of fresh air!
February 14, 2025
This was exactly the parenting book I needed right now. I usually reach for a parenting book when I’m feeling like a failure as a parent, when I’m feeling like I am doing it all wrong. This author reminds us to trust our intuition as parents and to tally everything we are doing right. We are keeping our children warm, safe, fed, rested, etc. We are providing their basic needs. It’s the striving for perfection in parenting that gets us stuck. Her approach is that almost every parenting technique has its place, but no parenting technique is right for every child in every season. We should aim for connection first, and beyond that, we should be willing to be flexible. Rigidity does not work. If we can read the room, we will instinctively know when to hold a boundary or when to let it go. And it’s ok to mess up too. We can come back from our missteps by owning them. I listened to this and will likely order the hard copy as a reference. Although, it’s not the details, but the main themes, that are most powerful.
November 30, 2020
I just finished this book and it was so beautiful & moving & just made complete sense. Even though it was written pre-pandemic, I think that it pertains perfectly to this tough situation. I have worked with children for years and feel pretty confident about parenting my own (more or less, sometimes 😅) but this was the perfect mid-pandemic read. Really thinking about developmental expectations (for children and adults!) in a FREAKIN PANDEMIC helped me step back, take a deep breath & sift through what is truly important and what isn’t. So glad I purchased it, because I definitely will re read!!
January 30, 2021
Read this book with my sis and we agreed that it offered great mindset shift. “By looking for underlying patterns when your children are acting out you can find proactive ways to de-escalate stressful situations.
Actionable advice:
Get your kids on board with changes by holding family meetings.
Introduce a change in your household, like healthier eating or less screen time, by having a family meeting. If your kids feel like they’ve had some input in the decision then they’ll be much more likely to go along with it. And remember that lasting change happens gradually. Start small, and build up slowly.0
Actionable advice:
Get your kids on board with changes by holding family meetings.
Introduce a change in your household, like healthier eating or less screen time, by having a family meeting. If your kids feel like they’ve had some input in the decision then they’ll be much more likely to go along with it. And remember that lasting change happens gradually. Start small, and build up slowly.0
March 8, 2023
3.5- This took me forever to read and it shouldn’t have. I think it would especially be great for someone who hasn’t read a lot of parenting books and/or has kids still in their younger years (elementary and younger) Some advice is pretty universal and works for older kids too. Basically - follow your instincts, remember emotionally connecting over being right or controlling, and believe that you are doing good things too and not just messing up. It reads like someone chatting with you and is not heavy handed and serious.
May 7, 2023
Better than expected. Refreshing counter-take to all the parenting technique/strategy-driven books, also a counterbalance to all the "neuroscience-ey" books about amygdala, prefrontal cortex, top -down bottom up behaviors...she doesnt necessarily say reading those books are bad, but that we should also remember our parenting intuition, and that "showing up" is what really matters, and what we can always do. She credits both Gordon Neufeld and Daniel Siegel, and she admits to a LOT of her own mistakes (as we all make mistakes...)
August 5, 2020
I was fortunate to be an early reader of Meghan Leahy's first book. Pick a page, pick a chapter, or read from beginning to end: the old rule book for parenting is replaced by Leahy's common sense approach. Filled with humor and spot-on parables, "Parenting Outside the Lines" provides a new vision for parenting our children and grandchildren. Just what we need for these extraordinary times!
October 2, 2020
A few times a year it is good for me to get a reminder to think about the patterns in my parenting, better understand my kids developmentally, and resolve, once again, to expect the emotional maturity from myself, not them. Nothing new here, certainly, but it is concise and well presented.
October 31, 2021
Some bits are helpful and give some insight. A lot sounds like wish washy Californian pish posh (no idea if the author is from there, just sounds like a stereotypical CA resident). The rest also reads as common sense to me but then I guess a lot of people from CA might lack common sense or a common sense culture :P
August 11, 2020
Finally - a parenting book worth reading. Great for anyone who has struggled to connect with their kids. The book is relatable and easy to read - so enjoyable, in fact, that I was actually a bit sad when it ended. I really hope we will see more books from this author in the future.
October 6, 2020
Can I just say I love this book. It’s like getting advice from an experienced friend, who gives great hugs! The practical approach let’s us know that she has walked in our shoes. Thank you for writing this book!
February 2, 2022
This would have been better to read in the early days of motherhood. I think the journey I’ve been on in motherhood has already taught me well to trust my instincts and go with my gut. It would be a good gift for new mothers - maybe with 10 month old babies - no one has time the first months.
August 11, 2020
One of the best parenting books I've read.
November 2, 2020
This is so good I think I need to read it again.
December 23, 2020
This book is amazing. Brutal, honest, compassionate and never once made me feel like a bad parent or person.
April 11, 2021
BEST PARENTING BOOK I HAVE EVER READ!!!!!
Read it. Read it now.
Seriously!
Read it. Read it now.
Seriously!
September 2, 2023
Must read for parents!
So much insight and helped me understand what didn’t work for the older generation. Also, gave me an insight what I can do better for my children.
So much insight and helped me understand what didn’t work for the older generation. Also, gave me an insight what I can do better for my children.
February 27, 2025
One of those hooks that I would love to recommend to people. But then they would know what I think of their parenting. Not to say I am any better. I did learn from this book too.
April 15, 2021
My first long read in English. Super helpful book for parents and grownups who want to better themselves at dealing with kids 😆 without hurting them :) very specific tips for many real situations.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews