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224 pages, Hardcover
First published April 14, 2009
Place your hands, palms down, on your thighs, and again lower your chin slightly (there is more tendency to daydream when the chin is tilted up).
Meditation develops our basic appreciation for "what is." Our focus is usually divided - between awareness of what is happening and what we think should be occurring. "By now, I should be feeling my 'global body' - but I'm not. Thoughts are happening - and they shouldn't be. When does the exciting, ecstatic part of meditating kick in?"
A mentality of wealth, on the other hand, of abundance, involves generously allowing our feelings to be as they are. For once we're not busily trying to manipulate them so that we'll feel better. Our basic well-being is not at stake; we're not under attack from our feelings. Instead we're starting from the experience - even if only a glimpse - that our nature is, fundamentally, already whole and in fact completely filled with well-being.
I thought of another analogy: when we're bored it's like being hungry and wandering up and down the aisles of a giant supermarket looking for something to eat. There are literally thousands of items to eat in a large market, but we keep insisting on this particular product - say a new brand of cookies - that they don't have. The feeling of boredom is as though we're starving - complaining that there's 'not enough' - when all around us is a sea of plenty. Boredom is our rejection of that plenty, our insistence on the one product that isn't there.
In a sense we're learning to bear ourselves, to bear with the more difficult mountains and valleys in our emotional terrain. We're strengthening our ability to bear emotional discomfort. My friend Tony mentioned that, particularly when he was tired, he was easily frustrated and frequently lost his temper. Often we verbally lash out at others [...] because we cannot bear our own feelings of irritation. We strike out as though it will relieve an inner pressure - as though we will feel better if we can let some steam off with an angry remark.
Actually, just the reverse is the case - the next time we are feeling irritable, we are even more likely to lash out in anger again, as though a deeper groove has now been established in the pattern of our behavior. We're literally training ourselves in a karmic pattern of dealing with irritation by lashing out. Being able to bear - to embrace with loving-kindness - our "negative" and uncomfortable feelings, is the only way to break the vicious cycle or reaction, acting out, feeling irritated again, reacting.
The problem is our toxic fixation on something outside to make us feel better about ourselves. That fixation becomes the source of greed, aggression, fear, jealousy, lying, and deception. What do I have to do to get it? If I lose the object of my romantic quest, I'm left spinning, lost. If I don't get the next golden carrot dangled before me, I feel flattened into self-hatred. Then we decide to buckle down and really get serious: if anyone interferes with me getting who or what I want (what I feel I need to be happy), look out! The repercussions range from domestic abuse to warfare. As the bumper sticker asks: "How did our oil get underneath their sand?"
Are we being cowardly and weak - pretending to "go along just to get along," all the while storing up resentment that will eventually spill out in some sharply stinging remark?