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I Wish My Dad: The Power of Vulnerable Conversations between Fathers and Sons
"I Wish My Dad . . .": what a simple way to start a sentence. But those four words hold the power to heal wounds men may not even know they carry. From author, speaker, and social entrepreneur Romal Tune and his son, Jordan, comes this tour de force for fathers and sons about healing the unfinished business between them. What do sons wish they had received from their fathers? What might honest, healing conversations between fathers and sons look like? Tune was raised mostly without a father. He and his dad connected briefly when he was a teenager, and then had no relationship for decades. After years of inner work via therapy and faith, Tune realized that neither he nor his dad possessed what they needed to live up to each other's expectations. He began to wonder if other men also longed to have vulnerable conversations with their fathers--about good memories, about pain, and about what their relationship could still become. So he sat down with seventeen men of diverse ages, ethnicities, and socioeconomic backgrounds for "I Wish My Dad" conversations. In the pages of this book, he invites us into the room as the men unpack relationships with their fathers, learn to work through emotional pain, recount moments of tenderness and care, and describe risks they took to heal and connect with their fathers. Tune also offers us strategies and prompts for initiating our own "I Wish My Dad" conversations. And with no pretense, he and Jordan recount their own "I Wish My Dad" interview, which helped them chart the way toward a transformed relationship. I Wish My Dad helps fathers, and their sons move through the past to find deep connection in the present. The lessons in these pages will free us to have--and become--the kind of dad we wish for.
233 pages, Hardcover
Published October 11, 2022
10 people are currently reading
67 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
March 17, 2025
Obviously, I am not the target audience for this book. It's meant to be a "Guys Read" kind of thing. But men are people, and I find people fascinating, so I thought this would be an interesting book. And it was, briefly. And I think it might be more interesting to men. The idea of having a deep conversation with your dad, no matter what your particular relationship is like, seems very worthwhile. But the author promised diversity in his interviews, saying he had deliberately chosen to interview men from different cultures, ages and socioeconomic environments.
But I swear that after a while, all of these stories seemed to run together. The men profiled here were always introduced as an amiable pillar - or integral part of - his community, and mostly in the 40-50 year age range it seemed. Though some had grown up in poverty, most now seemed comfortably middle- or upper-middle class; I mean, the author seemed to have met a bunch of them at conferences and retreats, places where low-income folks are rarely to be found. They pretty much all seemed to have good relationships with their sons. and to a man, they were ALL self-identified Christians, several of them pastors/ministers or otherwise strongly involved in their church.
I don't know, I would have been interested in hearing from an atheist, or a Muslim, or a first-generation immigrant from China, or Pakistan, or Australia. Just to see what kind of impact actual different cultures, and/or different religions have on this question of relationships between fathers and sons. There was one man whose Dad was from Puerto Rico, and he did talk about how Puerto Rican culture affected his relationship with his dad. But that was it. I had to stop reading about halfway through because all the men and their stories were running together for me. I put it aside for about a week before resuming and finishing the book.
After a while, I also started to get "parent-blame fatigue". Some of these guys did have really bad dads. Neglectful, absent, abusive. And it was impressive that they were able to forge strong relationships with their own children. But even the ones whose dads were involved, loving, supportive, had gripes. "He didn't hug me enough". "He didn't say "I love you" enough. "I wish he'd been home more." I mean, really? You felt loved, but didn't hear the words often enough?
NO ONE has perfect parents. The luckiest of us had parents who did their best on any given day, and gave us a sense of security and love while mostly providing a safe place to grow into who we were meant to be. My parents rarely told me they loved me. I knew they did. My personal "I Wish My Dad" would be "I wish my dad had lived longer".
But I swear that after a while, all of these stories seemed to run together. The men profiled here were always introduced as an amiable pillar - or integral part of - his community, and mostly in the 40-50 year age range it seemed. Though some had grown up in poverty, most now seemed comfortably middle- or upper-middle class; I mean, the author seemed to have met a bunch of them at conferences and retreats, places where low-income folks are rarely to be found. They pretty much all seemed to have good relationships with their sons. and to a man, they were ALL self-identified Christians, several of them pastors/ministers or otherwise strongly involved in their church.
I don't know, I would have been interested in hearing from an atheist, or a Muslim, or a first-generation immigrant from China, or Pakistan, or Australia. Just to see what kind of impact actual different cultures, and/or different religions have on this question of relationships between fathers and sons. There was one man whose Dad was from Puerto Rico, and he did talk about how Puerto Rican culture affected his relationship with his dad. But that was it. I had to stop reading about halfway through because all the men and their stories were running together for me. I put it aside for about a week before resuming and finishing the book.
After a while, I also started to get "parent-blame fatigue". Some of these guys did have really bad dads. Neglectful, absent, abusive. And it was impressive that they were able to forge strong relationships with their own children. But even the ones whose dads were involved, loving, supportive, had gripes. "He didn't hug me enough". "He didn't say "I love you" enough. "I wish he'd been home more." I mean, really? You felt loved, but didn't hear the words often enough?
NO ONE has perfect parents. The luckiest of us had parents who did their best on any given day, and gave us a sense of security and love while mostly providing a safe place to grow into who we were meant to be. My parents rarely told me they loved me. I knew they did. My personal "I Wish My Dad" would be "I wish my dad had lived longer".
January 10, 2025
This book was awesome as a fatherless father and as a clinician. This book is a great tool for healing. I personally will exposed a lot of men to this material as a resources to help them be healed.
February 4, 2023
I am surprised no one has reviewed this book. Am I really the first person to write a review here? Maybe I am not seeing right lol. Anyway, here is my review.
It was this book's title that drew me in. I thought to myself, what an interesting title, let me give it a try.
I'll try not to spoil this book for you if & when you decide to buy & read it for yourself. It is February & I can confidently say this is the best book I have read this year. No other book will top this one up.
The author of the book has interviewed 'sons' from different age groups & backgrounds to find out what they wish they had got from their fathers. The author being a father himself, interviewed his own son to find out what he wished he as a father would have done/provided for him. It was intense. This whole book is intense, honest & raw - in a painful but healing kind of way. I might have shed a tear or two.
As I was reading, I was struck by the fact that even the sons who had 'perfect fathers' still desired certain things from their fathers that they never got. & then we had those sons who truly had fathers that weren't 'fit' to be fathers.
What I loved the most is how some of the 'sons' in this book got restoration in their lives. They were able to rebuild healthy relationships with their fathers where others weren't able to. BUT for all them; they are now INTENTIONAL about being better fathers to their own children & not passing on the dysfunction & trauma to the next generation.
I loved what Joel Osteen said in his sermon 'Breaking negative cycles' - the negative cycle run in your family until it ran up on you & you broke the cycle. How powerful is that? To see & acknowledge the dysfunction & decide it ends with you. I am proud of the sons in these stories that are intentional of being better men, husbands & fathers in their families 🖤.
This is a worthy read & one I have no problem recommending you to buy & read it!
It was this book's title that drew me in. I thought to myself, what an interesting title, let me give it a try.
I'll try not to spoil this book for you if & when you decide to buy & read it for yourself. It is February & I can confidently say this is the best book I have read this year. No other book will top this one up.
The author of the book has interviewed 'sons' from different age groups & backgrounds to find out what they wish they had got from their fathers. The author being a father himself, interviewed his own son to find out what he wished he as a father would have done/provided for him. It was intense. This whole book is intense, honest & raw - in a painful but healing kind of way. I might have shed a tear or two.
As I was reading, I was struck by the fact that even the sons who had 'perfect fathers' still desired certain things from their fathers that they never got. & then we had those sons who truly had fathers that weren't 'fit' to be fathers.
What I loved the most is how some of the 'sons' in this book got restoration in their lives. They were able to rebuild healthy relationships with their fathers where others weren't able to. BUT for all them; they are now INTENTIONAL about being better fathers to their own children & not passing on the dysfunction & trauma to the next generation.
I loved what Joel Osteen said in his sermon 'Breaking negative cycles' - the negative cycle run in your family until it ran up on you & you broke the cycle. How powerful is that? To see & acknowledge the dysfunction & decide it ends with you. I am proud of the sons in these stories that are intentional of being better men, husbands & fathers in their families 🖤.
This is a worthy read & one I have no problem recommending you to buy & read it!
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews