“I was born and broken in Birkenhead, abused from infancy by a network of every kind of pervert from ‘thinks it’s love’ to ‘show it hurts’. I was unwanted, beaten, sold, swapped, photographed, filmed, left for dead, corrupted, blamed, betrayed, ignored and orphaned.
But I was also born with a fire inside me. I call it my Phoenix Fire. I am no victim – that word only describes what happened to me. Nor am I a survivor because that implies I am over it. I am a Phoenix – a work in progress. This is my story…”
Fantastic book, well written and sucks you in from the first chapter. I would have like to have known if Granny and Grandpa were there at the end of the book supporting but they did t get a mention. Overall a heart breaking book which would have been very difficult to write.
I hate peoples who mess with kids, I went around as a kid thinking that I had a invisible sign saying touch my private parts or rape me.Bio Grandpa Daddy’s side did bad stuff to me and I was never to speak about it. He did it to many kids. There was many others as well in family who did this to me. I hate bad men. Sad when we can’t get away from it. I need to shut up now.
I just can’t phantom how the justice system could continue to fail Shy times after time again. There were so many red flags yet each and every time they were ignored. For crying out loud a 11 year old obtaining a STD should’ve been the absolute deal breaker. Not the mention a child in kindergarten who was still wetting them self screams child abuse. I’m so grateful Shy has been able to leave her adult life in peace and with her beautiful family with the love she’s always deserved.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Such a raw and emotional book! Shy lived through such a heartbreaking young life, and the way she tells her story just grips you. There was a good level of detail about her life, and the things that happened and how she tried to simply survive. You feel so much anger for Shy and the lack of help she received, and it's astounding how she could find the strength to go on and help so many others! Thank you for sharing your story, this one really will stay with me.
This is one of the most twisted ongoing cases of a pedophilia ring I've heard of. The amount of bravery to open up over and over again to only finally get justice in her 30's is heartbreaking. In a time where a glorified pervert yells "grab em by the p****" - the amount of suffering of children and adults from sexual exploration is unnerving.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Oh my gosh!! My heart is broken for what she went through. It took me a while to read this. I had to take breaks, walk away and cry. Which shames me, because she did not get to take a break and walk away. . . . .
Hi Karen. The worst kind of horror story, I know, I went through it too. My father, who first abused me when I was just 3. I told my mum, he said that I was lying, I got sent away. Stayed with my lovely nan in Margate. I was 'allowed ' back home when I was nearly 7 as my mother was expecting her 5 baby. During the time that I was away, I had another brother and sister born. He never spoke a word to me for 4 years. He by then raped me when I was 11, and continued to do so until I was 16. The threat was always there, " you tell anyone,I will be sent to prison and your brothers and sisters will be put in a home, and it will be your fault" He's dead now, the only decent thing he ever did. I married at 17 and had 5 beautiful sons. My world. You are so very brave. God bless.
Highly recommended! The book is inspiring, a hard read, but also a must-read. I couldn't put it down till almost the end. It is certainly important for humanity and a must- be-read by as many people as possible. However, the epilogue is long, unclear and confusing, its language is completely different from that of the book itself, and it's even disappointing, after having read such an emotional novel. It seems as though someone else has written it! Therefore the four stars...however, in spite of this criticism, I truly appreciate the book itself and the courage Shy had to publish it and to expose her inner life to the world. Go grab it!
My heart goes out the this lady and her horrific story. I could not finish reading it. I think I made it to page 35 and while the story was gripping. I wanted to read her survival story ending. Hopefully she has a great life now. But the child sexual abuse was too much for me. I felt like I was doing something illegal reading this. Plus I can't read about children being hurt. I couldn't quit thinking about this story and how many children are put there right now going thru this stuff. It was way to heavy a read for me. I'm sorry for what you suffered author of this book. It took alor of courage to tell your story. I just couldn't handle it.
Your book showed a very strong person that was labeled “broken.” I disagree. I believe, the in-human justice system remains somewhat broken. You are not as broken as you believe. People will continue to follow you to make them feel whole, and unbroken.
I do not know if you have time to read your reviews? I hope to be amongst one of the first to listen to your music that has been put on hold. With all the evil on planet Earth, and our leaders involved in a computer from the underworld exposing the predator world, now is a great time to unleash your scribble notes, and sing, in my opinion. Yes, I believe there are many ready to hear your music about a very concerning area of corruption, in our society. The rich are getting richer because of the violence, but…the poor are also becoming incredibly more poor. There is not much money to speak out against the “social injustices.” I hope you release your music and fund the campaign against all inhumanity. There are people willing to hear your music, especially since your voice, “singing voice.” Is really something in high demand, currently. Your ability to find a song that described your life, and gave you great strength…is the same hope you may bring to others in releasing your musical career that was mentioned in your books.
I read this entire book over the weekend and hope you are currently doing more to help our youth and families? It is an issue even in the United States, as well as in United Kingdom. I read the entire book in admiration of your great courage to talk and never stop talking and bring the entire topic to the public to discuss.
I hope you will continue the great Phoenix Website to help others, and bring awareness. Thank you so much for creating this book, and your website, and for all your great works, and bringing others together to help better the world. I enjoyed reading.
*I do not recommend this book for MOST people. This includes true crime folks, curious folks, folks who are currently suicidal, etc.*
As a survivor of CSB (from my first memories like the writer) and the daughter of a mother who is also a survivor, etc, I went into the book skeptical but I found something about it that seemed appealing enough to stop and read. The violence is relentless and graphic but what kept me was the inner monologue and the narrator. There isn’t enough time to capture all the details that reflected authenticity and clarity. There isn’t enough time here to explore how the book focused on little things in ways I haven’t yet seen (and as someone with a MA in literature, a background in child welfare, and who currently works in behavioral health public policy - I am always happy when I find something that is framed in a new way and unlocks new thoughts and feelings).
Thank you for sharing very aptly about the lifelong struggle of feeling like a monster, how society secretly (and not so secretly) dislikes us and is biased against us despite all the feel good pretense our culture imposes through fairytales and fetishization … it’s important to know the difference between being accepted or liked and being fetishized.
Thank you for talking about the loneliness, what it is like to be trapped in webs of darkness, what it is like to never know anything else growing up and how this impacts you for decades … and all the ways it does … the details that matter … that set us apart.
Painful, anger inducing, and devistatingly real! As well as inspirational. As graphic as it is, I'm sure it wasn't as graphic as it truly was. A tale of the life that many still suffer in silence living. Some may put this book down unable to finish reading it and look away. But know that those living it don't have that luxury. We must all be more aware of people in our childrens lives. A child that comes forward to ask for help must always be believed and looked into. The courage it takes them to come forward in the first place is a strength they may not have again. And be aware of other children in your lives. Some may be silently screaming for someone to notice they need help. To the author. . .you are an amazing woman. The strength and courage you had since you were just a baby is unmatched. I'm truly sorry that you lived this horror, and even more sorry you were never believed. Just thrown into more abuse. I pray your health gets better because you are needed. To help other children in a way no one else can. U lived it, u know it, and understand what these children need to speak up and truly survive. U are an angel sent here and your life has purpose! I wish you all the good this world still has. Sincerely, Heather
The most heartbreaking book I have ever read. I almost stopped reading it after the first chapter as it was so difficult to read about how the author suffered through her young life. But I thought if she is brave enough to write about her story then I will read the words she had written. It brought back some bad memories, but I am in a good space now so I can work through these thoughts. I just want the author to know what an amazing woman she is. All I have thought about is what I would of done to help. But things were so much different back in the day. I asked my 18 year old daughter if she had ever been abused and not told me and she said no. So I did my job. To protect her. And for that I am truly thankful. It's only when you look back on your life do you realize what was right and wrong when you were a child. That lonely, vulnerable child was me. The abuse from men carried on throughout my life until around 4 years ago. Every relationship I have been abused. I always thought it was my fault but no it wasn't. If you tell a child they are not good enough then they will believe you. For their whole life. Anyway I'm waffling on. Brilliant book, the hardest read ever, but I'm glad I stuck with it. Shy Keenan you are a warrior x
Before reading (listening to the audio version of this book from Audible) I debated whether I really wanted to subject myself to a tough subject like child abuse. The life Shy (Karen) was dealt at the hands of her parents and stepfather was almost as unbelievable as it was unbearable to imagine. The language was rough but representative of her reality, and the abuse was beyond anything I could have imagined. Because of the horror she experienced and the injustices she met at almost every turn, it was difficult not to feel discouraged, hopeless, and shocked as a reader. I began to feel I couldn't recommend this book because most people do not want to believe or face the horrors of child sexual abuse, especially when the story feels so hopeless. But as I continued listening, there were glimmers of light and hope, great courage, selflessness, and determination that propelled me to keep going until I could learn how her story ended. I was so glad I stayed the course because she is an amazing woman. I now feel it's a book I could recommend, with cautionary explanation.
I have read so many memoirs, true crime, and fictional horror with extremely dark themes. I am trying to find the correct words to explain how I felt as I worked my way through the story of Shy Keenan. It can only be described as unimaginable abuse, terror, destruction, depression, and sadness. How do you even grasp this level of abuse that was allowed to continue for decades and impact so many children?
This had a greater emotional impact on me than just about every single true crime novel or memoir I have read. It is nearly impossible to not imagine yourself in the authors situation and wonder if you could survive or just what you would do to survive.
"I'm sometimes asked if I'm stronger because of what happened to me. My childhood abusers don't own any part of my survival. I'm not stronger because of them or what they did to me. I am stronger in spite them. And because of me."
Thankfully, Keenan survived and worked to help others in similar situations, but holy crap, this journey is so hard to read.
One feels very weird rating such a tale of someone's harrowing, nightmare of a childhood as a 5/5. But I think it is important to so I can help signify that this book is beautifully written and a story worth visiting for those who can muster the content. And boy, oh boy, please do not read this story unless you are mentally prepared, because Shy describes her childhood as it came.
I also must add that there are beautiful moments of unadulterated purity in Shy's story. She manages to let funny moments have little moments of levity! There were some kind and caring adults in her life that gave her beautiful, peaceful moments to be an innocent child.
This book is also important for continuing reminders and education of how law enforcement and social services can fail the most vulnerable in our societies. We have to do more to protect children like Shy and not her abusers or institutions that made mistakes in the past and try to hide them.
A book very much worth the read, but again, go in knowing that you will have to stomach a ton absolutely hellish memories.
What a life to have to lead. This is an amazing comeback story every self-pitying fool should read. It’s heartbreaking to know that humans can be so inhumane and destroy an innocent child’s life only for the child to grow up and get a little of better life after losing so much. It makes me question humanity and after some smaller problems of my own as a child, wonder why grown ups can’t just act there age and look after the child. ….just as I’m writing this a news story popped up labelled ‘Over 1000 children sex groomed’. When will it stop?!? This book is a powerful tear jerker that will break hearts. I’m just so glad that you -Shy- have come through this to become such a powerful woman. Amazing read.
Wow. This book is one of the hardest books I have ever read. Many many trigger warnings for SA survivors and child abuse survivors. Not only is what happened to her one of the most awful cases of abuse I have ever heard of, but the response from everyone around her will infuriate you. EVERY SINGLE PERSON failed her AND many kids!! Law enforcement, doctors, teachers, SOCIAL WORKERS, FAMILY!! It is just incomprehensible how long this went on for and how many times she tried to make it stop. Even though Shy’s story is extremely hard to hear, it is an important one. The change her story has made and continues to make is incredible and she is one of the toughest women I have ever ever heard of. What a book’. 10/10 recommend if you are able to get past trigger warnings.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
This book cut me to the core. It was well written and kept my attention, something that isn't often easy to do. I can't count the number of times I nodded my head in disgust and anger, while simultaneously feeling the utmost compassion for Shy and the others who were subject to such awful abuse. I found myself wanting to turn back the hands of time to completely erase their ‘horrible' memories, but I couldn't. I'll never understand how a system designed to protect could ignore the truth and fail a child in the way they did Shy. Justice isn't always served as it should be, but I guess it was better late than never. Hats off to Shy for her courage and resilience. She told us a deeply personal story, one that I don't think any of us will soon forget.
What an amazing woman and the book is just fantastically written plus heart breaking
Oh my goodness this book made me cry, shocked, heartbroken, plus giggle what a sense of humour Shy Keenan has. This lady is outstandingly brave and just amazing. The book is fantastically written and the detail Shy Keenan has put into it must have opened some wounds and I thank her for been so brave and sharing this with us. I really hope she does another book because she is a survivor and what she has achieved is just heartening to read. Get your tissues at the ready when reading this heart breaking, shocking, amazing survivor Shy Keenan what an absolute hero she is to all children and surviving adults.
Extremely raw and courageously told. I wept tears reading Shy’s painful story. From the very beginning I was hooked. Praying that there was even a slight ray of light and hope at the end. Shy’s story is so harrowing and the lack of help and support from the system completely unjust. What the f*** is wrong with this world? I could not put this book down. I wanted justice for her and her sister and all the other victims of these sick monsters. Thank you Shy, for sharing your heartbreaking story and courageously seeking justice and making such a huge difference in many peoples lives.
Childhood abuse stories are never an easy read and if this book doesn't leave you disturbed then i would question your humanity. It is the kind of read (i won't call it a story as this doesn't do it justice) that makes you want to keep reading to get to a point of relief for the tragic lives these children lived. For me, it made me want to jump right into the book, sort the abusers out, give the authorities a good shake up and rescue the children involved. I felt sad, very angry, completely bewildered by peoples inability to see the blatently obvious, but also encouraged by the hope that kept this little girl alive. Need a bit of a light fiction read to decompress now.
Wow!! Heartbreaking story, very well written and I felt every emotion for this young girl whilst reading it! It is disgusting that the people who should have loved and protected these young children were the one’s doing dreadful things! I couldn’t believe that everyone involved was very quick to label the young girl and not look further into this! I was very pleased she had a better life eventually and truly deserved to. What an amazing lady to speak about her life the way she did! Even though it didn’t change what had happened the perverts eventually got their just desserts! Although I do say let family members around them for an hour!
This book started at a level of discomfort that I wasn't sure I could read through. The intensity of the author's childhood experience and the clarity she writes it with is almost painful to read. As a mother, the main character is almost too vulnerable. That said, the end result is clarity around how vulnerable many children are, where our social organizations and services are broken, and surprisingly hope that if we pull back the curtains and tell the truth, something might change. You should know when you read this, you will be uncomfortable and it will challenge your ability to read through it in its entirety. But it is worth it.
This was a hard read, the bare bones of the disgusting world of pedophiles, monsters, scum who shouldn’t be allowed to live. Yes as you can see this book had an effect. But as hard as it was to read a inner strength and courage made it’s way to the surface in the shape of Sky Keenan, the children’s protector. Shy is an incredibly strong woman and I’m glad we have her on this earth. Read this book, it’s the reality of what is happening right now, it’s about time the sentencing fit the crime and these cowardly scumbags should be named and shamed for the world to see.
This is very powerful account of a woman who managed to survive a childhood of unspeakable sexual abuse. I felt her young mind and body suffer not only the horrific trauma by her stepfather but by his friends and acquaintances at barely four years old for over ten years. If you have lived through childhood rape and molestation may be too triggering. In telling her story and how she finally achieved some level of justice helps break the silence, lies and shame surrounding the insidious network of pedophiles. I applaud the author Shy Keenan for her bravery and for her assistance to the countless victims like herself