Abuela, Don't Forget Me

Free Lunch

by Rex Ogle

In his memoir Free Lunch, Rex Ogle’s abuela features as a source of love and support. In this companion memoir-in-verse, Rex captures and celebrates the powerful presence a woman he could always count on—to give him warm hugs and ear kisses, to teach him precious words in Spanish, to bring him to the library where he could take out as many books as he wanted, and to offer safety when darkness closed in. Throughout a coming of age marked by violence and dysfunction, Abuela’s red-brick house in Abilene, Texas, offered Rex the possibility of home, and Abuela herself the possibility for a better life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Poetry, LGBT, Audiobook, Middle Grade, Biography

208 pages, Hardcover

Published September 6, 2022

About the author

Holy moly! I am so humbled and honored for y'all to read my books. Big hugs to all of ya.

Also, check out graphic novels under my pen name REY TERCIERO.

Bio:
REX OGLE is an award-winning author and the writer of nearly a hundred children’s books, comics, graphic novels, and memoirs—most notably Free Lunch, which won the ALA/YALSA award for Excellence in Non-Fiction.

Born and raised (mostly) in Texas, he moved to New York City after college to intern at Marvel Comics before moving over to DC Comics, Scholastic, and Little Brown Young Readers. As an editor, he championed over a dozen NY Times Bestsellers and worked on (and often wrote) major brands such as X-Men, Justice League, Star Wars, LEGO, Power Rangers, Transformers, Minecraft, Assassin’s Creed, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Neil Patrick Harris’s Magic Misfits.

Rex has written under a lot of pen names, including Trey King, Honest Lee, and Rey Terciero (a nickname given by his Abuela, being Español for “third king”, which is apt since Rex is Latin for “king”, and he is the third “Rex” in his family).

Now, Rex lives in Los Angeles where he writes in his spare time—that is, when he’s not outdoors hiking with his dog Toby, playing MarioKart with friends, or reading.

Reviews

[Jan Agaton · Rating 5 out of 5]

highly recommend the audiobook

[Tamsyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another fantastic book from Rex Ogle in his trilogy of memoirs, this one in verse. Overall, this book was much easier to read because it focused on his abuela, one of the only positive constants in his life (despite his resentful/mental-health-challenged mother trying to prevent or undo her efforts). He is even able to finally move out of the abusive home thanks to her. There are still frustrating and upsetting scenes with his mother in this book, but the books themselves are proof that she did not triumph in the end and Rex has been able to build a better life for himself. Now I'm looking forward to reading his fiction and graphic novel. :-)

[Mery ✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5

The rawness of the character’s voice and the reality of some situations in this story will resonate with many readers. It's a magnificent reminder that kids all need someone to nurture them, support them, guide them, and accept them. The more the story unfolded, the more grateful I was that Rex had his Abuela. While this book isn't a long one, it made a very large impact on me.

[Deborah Zeman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful tribute to the one person in his life that accepted him for who he was and would become. The only way Rex can escape the abuse of his mother, Steph father and father is by staying with his Abuela. As the years go by, she may be losing a bit of herself, however she still knows how important and how much she loves her grandson. This novel in verse tells the story of one woman who gives so much of her heart, without ever expecting anything in retutn. This was an amazing follow up to Rex’s two previous books, Punching Bag and Free Lunch.

[Rod Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everyone should have at least one person in their lives who loves them unconditionally. For Rex Ogle, that was his grandmother, Catalina Caldwell.

A victim of physical and emotional abuse in his own home, Ogle writes a very moving ode in free verse to the occasional and temporary harbor of understanding and peace that his grandmother provided throughout his turbulent youth.


Side note: This is a companion book to Ogle's series of memoirs and revisits events from the first two books, Free Lunch and Punching Bag. I read this before Ogle's third memoir, Road Home, since it was published first, and it seems to have spoilers for developments coming in that book. Other readers may want to hold off reading this book until after they've read that one.


FOR REFERENCE:

Contents: Foreword -- 1. Abuela's House -- 2. To and From -- 3. Gifts and Fists -- 4. An Education -- 5. Senior Year -- 6. There and Back Again -- 7. Now

[Mariella Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those books that's...it's just for me. It's probably not as good as I think it is, but this book both fed and opened my soul in a way that no book has done in a long time. It was hard to read, full of reminders of both good things and bad, but it was worth reading. It's a memoir of this young person, Rex, raised by his grandmother's love as he tries to escape physically and emotionally abusive parents. It's a combination of love and cultures and memories, all smashed together and written down so that a woman now aging with Alzheimer's won't forget all the good she did in his life. There were so many places that I wanted to stop and pull phrases and sentences and pieces out of the book and hold them up alongside my own memories and wonder at how alike they felt. But I think that this one, in some ways, means the most:

"I am not sure if I believe in God
but I believe in angels,
or at least one angel.
Her name is Abuela."

CW for those sensitive to on screen neglect, abuse, and racism.

[Dee Turner · Rating 4 out of 5]

PHOTO: Rex Ogle, right, at home with his husband

I read this to do another student review for pageturnerbooks.org--you can find others there under the heading "News" in the toolbar. Ogle has written a series of books about his life: Free Lunch, Punching Bag, Road Home (release date May 14, 2024) , and this one. He's also written other books, including Pizza Face, Four Eyes (series), and another series: The Supernatural Society, among others. Two of his books are Junior Library Guild selections: Free Lunch (2019) and Punching Bag (2022). This book is composed in free verse.

The only star in the deep night of his life as a child was his grandma (mine, too, so I really relate). His dad had left the family when he was very little, replaced by an alcoholic stepfather who beat his mom. She herself was viciously violent and snide, so Rex grew up with cigarette burns and other scars from both. But his abuela, who lived in another state, always helped him out, buying them food when none was available, sending them furniture when they had not a stick to sit on, and having Rex live with her whenever his mother, who apparently hated her mother, would allow. He couldn't understand how his abuela could work 8 different jobs while between the two of them, his mother and stepfather had none. AGain and again his mother left her mother in the lurch. First, she commandeered--stole--the car his Abuela had bought for him. He'd been paying the monthly bill and insurance, and his mother didn't pay those, so abuela had to, or lose her good credit. His abuela even bought a house for his mother and stepfather, but they never paid rent and she soon lost her good credit because of their determined neglect.

At school, Rex got into fights as other kids called him names for being partly Mexican. He wore clothes that had no style and couldn't afford what other kids had, which further isolated him. And he often showed up with a black eye, or bleeding, from yet another beating. By high school, he was convinced he wouldn't survive to graduate. He even tried moving to Alabama to live with his father, who kicked him out and disowned him after learning Rex is gay.

In this book, he is much older and settled into a good life because his abuela had taught him to study hard, and he'd won scholarships to college. But now, his beloved abuela has dementia:

"My abuela is having a hard time remembering things because she—the most important person in my life—is living with dementia...She is the woman who offered her home to me when the violence at my mom’s became too much. Abuela is the woman who got me off the streets after my father kicked me out for being gay. She told me if I wanted to be a novelist, then I should pursue it, that if I worked hard, I could accomplish anything. By every definition of the word, my grandmother is an angel. My own personal fairy godmother. Abuela is the only parent I’ve ever known who showed me truly unconditional love, kindness, and support. And now she is forgetting me.

"I can be strong for her, because she was always strong for me . . . though when I get off the phone, or leave her house, I cry long and hard, feeling like a forgotten child...She may forget. And one day, I may forget too. But for now, the memories are captured, like insects in amber, ready to survive for millions of years. My memories of a wonderful woman are written in words and verses and fragments in this book, unable to be unwritten. And if it is forgotten, it can always be read again."

Writing saves him. "If I write in a journal, my ideas might bloom like a garden of stories, to make my life worth something, To matter, to be someone more than my mother’s son, or my father’s forgotten child, more than a punching bag of bruises, more than the butt of jokes at school where my lunch is free."

Everyone can benefit from keeping a journal. Rex's mother punches him over and over as she wrests the one his abuela had bought for him, with its gold edges and leather cover. But she could not prevent him from learning Spanish to talk with his grandma in her own language, and he could not prevent her from recording the worst she did to him until he freed himself. And he did, beautifully:

"Decades have gone by. But abuela and I still speak often. She does not always remember the pecan trees or the geese or even the hamper, but when Abuela and I speak, she says, 'Te amo.' And I say, 'Te amo siempre.' And she says, 'I love you more.' And I say, Impossible.' And I mean it."

For the sake of limited space, I haven't reproduced his words here in verse. I'm sorry about that, as verse provides far greater impact. It's a book that deserves a spot on every teen's bookshelf, or in their ereaders. This book is best for ages 12-18, or grades 8 and up.

[nery · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. There’s no words that i can use to describe my feelings with this one. it was beautiful.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautiful story about a relationship between grandson and grandma. Heartbreaking, heartwarming, resilience in a abusive upbringing, friendship, racism and illness. We follow Rex who has to understand his mother’s abuse and finding refuge in his grandmother’s care.

His story from a young boy to adulthood. It made me happy that even though he went through hell from his mother he realized how special and important he is.

Recommend ❤️🥰

[Danielle Ruiz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a quick and easy read! This book was a love letter to his abuela and is exactly what my soul needed right now. One of the most memorable things he wrote is, “She may forget. And one day, I may forget too. But for now, the memories are captured, like insects in amber, ready to survive for millions of years.” I cried at multiple points in the book because I don’t want my nana to forget me, I never want to forget her, and my nana is my angel just like Rex’s is to him. *sigh* I loved it!

[Tara Piña]

This book! My heart 😭 it's so sweet and so heartbreaking and you just want to squeeze Rex, his sweet grandma, life really is unfair sometimes

I stopped giving memoirs star rating because it felt weird to me, but this one is really good and I recommend it

[Andrea Beatriz Arango]

he memoir ABUELA, DON'T FORGET ME made me cry so many times I stopped keeping track.

Partly because of the heaviness of Rex's childhood (abuse, homophobia, racism, neglect) and how, truly, his grandmother changed his life. But also partly because of my awareness of the context of the book's creation - this being Rex's tribute to her that he started when she had dementia. (She is gone now 😩.)

Trigger warnings abound here, and it's definitely a YA that is firmly a YA (I would probably not give this to a young middle schooler), but wow. What a read. It reminded me a bit of Heavy by Kiese Laymon, but for a younger crowd.

Seriously, Rex did a beautiful job with this book 😭. I hadn't read his other memoirs, but now I'll definitely be checking them out.

[Alexis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Norton Young Readers for a chance to read this book! Rex Ogle’s books are so powerful and I am so thankful that he opens his heart and shared his experiences with the world. His life has not been easy and I hurt so much for him. Thank you Rex for sharing your stories. Readers will find solace in reading something that is similar to their lives and others will grow from experiencing your life.

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was similar to Ogle's earlier middle grade memoirs, with the added bonus that he wrote it in prose. This was my favorite work of his so far. This illustrates the power a safe attachment figure can have in the life of a child; I wish his grandmother had been able to have him come live with her when he was younger, as it sounds like she wanted, but it's lovely that she was a refuge after his father kicked him out of his home. This also illustrates the problems our citizens face with issues of racial and sexual discrimination. Speaks to profound influence grandparents can have on their children.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rex Ogle writes about the trauma of his life and the love that sustained him with such brutal, heartbreaking, uplifting honesty. I highly recommend reading the three books that tell his story in order and with plenty of tissues handy! ❤️😭❤️

[Shubham Roy Choudhury · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this memoir was a profoundly moving experience for me. The way Ogle captures the essence of his relationship with his grandmother pulled at my heartstrings, evoking a deep sense of nostalgia for the times I spent with my own grandma, whom I miss dearly. The book felt like a warm hug, offering solace and connection through its heartfelt reflections on family and memory.

[Bethany Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

The way Rex loves his abuela gives me hope.

[Elise Chandler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rarely do I read a book filled with such genuine emotion. An Ode to his Abuela. A beautiful honor to her. I think this is one of my top 10 books of all time.

[Donna Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heart wrenching true story about a young boy growing up in an abusive family and his abuela was the only one that took care of him. She was his “angel.”

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Over the thousands of books I read, I can count on one hand the times I've actively cried over a book. This is one of them. The final page pulled up everything from the last two books he's written about his lived experiences and then he writes what amounts to a love letter to his grandmother, who is slowly starting to forget him but was stoically there for him throughout every trauma of his existence, for better and worse, in good times and bad, patiently waiting out her completely unstable daughter to provide Rex (and then also Ford when he came along) with access to activities, experiences, and things that he needed to be hopeful he could come through it.

This verse novel is an eloquent family story about overcoming and working through trauma and hardship. It's about how helping others in turn helps us and shines brighter when it's the love and support of a grandmother. It hits differently that his other two books because it takes a different perspective-- one of a doting grandson who can't say thank you enough other than to write a book for and about the one person who kept stability in his tumultuous life.

The book is segmented but revisits his life chronologically but inserts his grandmother more specifically in the experiences where she might not have been fully-realized in his first two.

Thank you Rex Ogle for your story, your vulnerability, your way with words.

Bookmarked lines TK... but I had this gem already...

"What are those? Tree eggs?" "They are nuts," Abuela answers....

[Dinah Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

if there’s one person whom I’ve never met but lives rent free in my mind, it’s Rex Ogle. I’ve read almost all his books, even the ones written under a pseudonym.

His Free Lunch series is just unforgettable. I’ve read the three books many times. They’re written in verse.
Middle grade-YA.
Nonfiction.
All the emotions.

“She may forget. And one day, I may forget too. But for now, the memories are captured, like insects in amber, ready to survive for millions of years. My memories of a wonderful woman are written in words and verses and fragments in this book, unable to be unwritten.
And if it’s forgotten, it can always be read again.”

“Decades have gone by. But Abuela and I still speak often. She does not always remember the pecan trees or the geese, or even the hamper, but when Abuela and I speak, she says. ‘Te amo.’ And I say ‘Te amo siempre.’ And she says, I love you more.’ And I say, ‘Impossible.’ And I mean it.”
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#abueladontforgetme #rexogle #nortonyoungreaders #wwnortonandcompany #ireadmg #mgbooks #ireadya #yabooks #projectlitbookclub #projectlitcommunity #getunderlined #weneeddiversebooks #stopthebookbans #stopbookbans #readdiversebooks #diversespines #kidlit #nonfiction #nonfictionbooks #memoirs #memoirs #booksinverse #iread #bookstagram #justbooksbookstagram #readersofinstagram #bookquotes #bookrec #trilogy #bookseries #shereadsalot

[Evan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rex Ogle breaks my heart every time. This love letter to his grandmother brought the waterworks.

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a powerful read. It was tough to get through because it was so sad.

[Sherry · Rating 5 out of 5]

2023 ALA YALSA finalist for Excellence in Nonfiction for Young Adults
Rex Ogle’s memoir-in-verse honors his beloved Abuela, now stricken with dementia his mother’s mother, was literally, physically and emotionally his safe port during his childhood from the domestic abuse that is his life with his mother and her boyfriend Sam.
Mexican- born Abuela is his Angel. She validates that he is loved, that he is smart, that he can do anything he wants if he works hard enough. Abuela worked multiple jobs, earned college and master’s degrees while bringing up f children after her husband died fighting in Vietnam. She continues to work to support herself, her beloved grandson, her family back in Mexico.
These brief poems recall moments in a young boy’s life, good and bad, the horrors that are his mother and home life, the love, care, nurturing and financial support his Abuela provides always telling him, “Te ami. Te ami siempre.” I love you. And I will love you forever. She encourages him, inspires him, helps him overcome his anger, and feeling of being worthless, and left out and always telling him that he can do what he wants to achieve. When his mother screams at Abuela for spending money on a book for him with no words, Rex screams back, “cause I want to put MY words in it.” Defying her beating him, “These are my words! They matter! Hit me all you want! I will write! “

And write he does, recreating the love between a child and his grandmother, and how he will now always be there for her, as she was for him throughout his childhood. Bravo. So well done.

[Rebecca Shelton · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir that tugs at the heartstrings in a way that's both beautiful and heart-wrenching. It's a journey through the eyes of Rex, who finds solace in the warm embrace of his abuela. Her presence is a beacon of love and safety in a life marked by challenges and hardships.

Rex's storytelling is intimate and raw, pulling you into the red-brick house in Abilene, Texas, where his abuela's love and wisdom shine like a lighthouse in the dark. Her hugs, ear kisses, and lessons in Spanish are painted so vividly that you can almost feel them yourself. And the way she brings Rex to the library, igniting his passion for books, is just so touching. It's a reminder of how a single person's influence can shape a life.

What's really amazing about this book is how Rex portrays the family dynamics. It's not sugar-coated or idealized – it's real and it's messy, but it's also incredibly beautiful. Through all the violence and dysfunction, Abuela's house remains a sanctuary, a place of possibility and hope.

I felt that the book could delve deeper into certain aspects of their relationship, perhaps offering even more insights into how Abuela's influence helped Rex navigate his challenges. But overall, this book is a powerful tribute to the unbreakable bond between a grandson and his grandmother. It's a story that resonates with warmth, love, and the enduring power of family. Definitely worth the read!

[Kelsey Dangelo-Worth · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this book-in-verse tribute to his Abuela, Rex Ogle, who detailed his childhood and adolescence in abuse and poverty at the hands of his mother and step-father in Free Lunch and Punching Bag, describes how he was able to escape, go to high school and college, find love and acceptance with his grandmother who always fed him, clothed him, housed him, provided for him, encouraged his education, and offered a safe space. The book is beautifully crafted with imagery of peace and joy, Spanish language, and heroic triumph in the face of bullying and cruelty and neglect. An excellent book about difficult issues, written in a strong, painful, and unique voice. A great book for upper middle school-high school readers and serve--as all good literature does--as a mirror and a window. A powerful portrait of a heroic woman.

[Lauren R · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful story written beautifully. This book was incredible. It’s filled with happy and sad moments and makes you inspired that no matter what happens in your life, if you struggle you can still do good things. The repetitiveness of some verses were so beautiful and really captures the feeling of the book.

Quote I adored:

When it is my turn, I cannot speak, my lips quiver, until I burst into tears, blubbering, sobbing,
unable to catch my breath,
even as my fellows surround me with hugs, and love, and
audible prayers.
After, many of them come to me, and say,
"You were amazing."
"That was beautiful."
"Thank you for sharing."
"I was a mess."

"No. That was god's light shining through you,
making you strong enough to bare your true feelings in front
of us.
You are a hero.
So brave."

[Emmmm💅✨😎🤩🥳 · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ok so I checked out this book thinking it was gonna be a novel…it’s not. Ok. Second poetry book for me, so I can’t be judging too hard but…I’ve read the other books and…the descriptions and plot line was just more rich there. I feel like here, it was all word dumped without editing, and it was poorly written. Free verse poetry is just as equal as any other kind (rhyming, presented, etc), but here, it was like paragraphs into stanzas with terrible word choice and all his thoughts crammed into the lines. I did like SOME of the character development with Abel, but him coming out and stuff, that was all really blurry on the plot line. Like when did he discover this…? There was many confusing timing and character aspects of this book.

I understand that this is non fiction, but I felt like more description was needed, as well as character development and a plot line. Also, I felt like the poetry could have been MAJORLY EDITED and word choice could have been improved. But I admire Ogle’s bravery in this situation.

[apollo! · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stunning. A collection of poems that show life and love and trauma, Rex Ogle conveyed the story of his childhood into adulthood with heart and sincerity.

I cried. Many times. This book tore into my heart the way not many books have. I cannot wait until it is fully published and I can buy a physical copy to decimate with highlighters and ballpoint pen.

Everyone should read this book. It is so beautiful, but it is also so important to show culture and trauma wrapped up with a bow.

Thank you for sharing your story, Rex Ogle.

[Shirley Kiddo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Que el universo siempre proteja a las abuelas como la abuela de Rex.

Where would we be without the protection and guidance of our elders who love us? This is a beautiful yet heart wrenching story where the tineline allows you to go through it with the writer. You feel their sadness, their child like innocence and curiosity, their joy, their sorrow. Ugh. I loved this so much. The poems read more like short stories, with each poem being like it's own chapter. A good read nonetheless. Prepare to cry. 😭❤