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When I Grow Up: conversations with adults in search of adulthood
When do you become an adult? What does it mean to grow up? And what are the experiences that propel us forward — or keep us stuck?
As we get older, we pass many milestones, but for some of us it can feel as if adulthood is always just out of reach.
Journalist and psychotherapist-in-training Moya Sarner goes on a journey into what growing up really involves, and how we do it again and again throughout our lives. She draws on case studies, as well as her training, and theories of child psychology, psychoanalysis, neuroscience, and more, to explore what it means to be a ‘grown up’ and how we can meet the challenges and opportunities of every stage of our lives.
As we get older, we pass many milestones, but for some of us it can feel as if adulthood is always just out of reach.
Journalist and psychotherapist-in-training Moya Sarner goes on a journey into what growing up really involves, and how we do it again and again throughout our lives. She draws on case studies, as well as her training, and theories of child psychology, psychoanalysis, neuroscience, and more, to explore what it means to be a ‘grown up’ and how we can meet the challenges and opportunities of every stage of our lives.
304 pages, Paperback
Published May 3, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
May 3, 2025
When is a person considered an adult? It's a landmine of a question, to be sure, and one only an adult will recognize as the quandary of a child. Perhaps we are eternally twelve in some part of our psyches - eternally questing after the sort of control over Life that we once imagined came with a driver's license, a paycheck, and a home of our own. Failing to realize, of course, that the driver's license necessitates a car and car insurance and money for gas; that a paycheck necessitates a job and a boss and long hours of getting precisely nowhere; and that a home necessitates not only maintenance, repair, and tax consequences but also the dawning recognition that Mom and Dad aren't exactly as comforting as visitors as they once were when they paid the mortgage.
I think, quite frankly, that you can only really call yourself a grown-up when you take a good look around your life and say: "This is it? You've got to be kidding." Then, and perhaps only then, can you consider yourself an adult.
Moya Sarner was a British journalist who one day stumbled across psychology and promptly fell in love. She popped right off her career track and immersed, deeply. She studied hard to obtain a degree and also entered into classic analysis, which is an almost everyday hour on a couch unearthing all the pain one has defended against and feeling it now-now-now. She wrote this book in the thick of that, picking up a pen once the hour was up and unwinding in this fashion. That explains the miasmic flavor of the text, echoing as it does the recalibration of a mind from internal to external awareness. Was this a mistake? Not if one intended the book to be an extension of the therapy. Which it certainly appears to be.
Sarner studies each stage of life, from childhood through old age, for signs of maturation and the benchmark of adulthood. It's a faulty premise, but she eventually recognizes this and, on the way, explores her questions with academics, professionals, ordinary people and - primarily - herself. It's all very reminiscent of a conversation you'd have with a true believer of any sort. Everything's fresh and new and exciting and painful and you remember what it felt like to be this wonderous about something; this enraptured; this engaged.
You know, back before you took that good long look around your life and mumbled under your exhausted breath:
"This is it? You've got to be kidding."
I think, quite frankly, that you can only really call yourself a grown-up when you take a good look around your life and say: "This is it? You've got to be kidding." Then, and perhaps only then, can you consider yourself an adult.
Moya Sarner was a British journalist who one day stumbled across psychology and promptly fell in love. She popped right off her career track and immersed, deeply. She studied hard to obtain a degree and also entered into classic analysis, which is an almost everyday hour on a couch unearthing all the pain one has defended against and feeling it now-now-now. She wrote this book in the thick of that, picking up a pen once the hour was up and unwinding in this fashion. That explains the miasmic flavor of the text, echoing as it does the recalibration of a mind from internal to external awareness. Was this a mistake? Not if one intended the book to be an extension of the therapy. Which it certainly appears to be.
Sarner studies each stage of life, from childhood through old age, for signs of maturation and the benchmark of adulthood. It's a faulty premise, but she eventually recognizes this and, on the way, explores her questions with academics, professionals, ordinary people and - primarily - herself. It's all very reminiscent of a conversation you'd have with a true believer of any sort. Everything's fresh and new and exciting and painful and you remember what it felt like to be this wonderous about something; this enraptured; this engaged.
You know, back before you took that good long look around your life and mumbled under your exhausted breath:
"This is it? You've got to be kidding."
June 29, 2024
When I Grow Up: stories of adults in search of adulthood is a combination of personal memoir, semi-structured interviews, and synthesis of research into the concepts of growing up and adulthood. The author is a psychotherapist who narrates her theraputic training and personal experience of not feeling like a proper grown up, notably due to not having children or contents insurance. She writes thoughtfully about herself, while giving more attention to her interviewees. They are a lovely and truly fascinating set of people, ranging in age from early 20s to 90, and I found their thoughts on adulthood the highlight of the book.
Sarner writes in a measured, compassionate, and involving style. The only limitation I observed was lack of acknowledgement that capitalism is the main explanation for this sort of thing:
To be fair, When I Grow Up: stories of adults in search of adulthood makes no claims to be a socioeconomic critique - it is grounded in psychology in general and psychoanalysis in particular. I have in fact read a similar book on the same topic that does critique capitalism: Why Grow Up? by Susan Neiman. I think the two are complimentary; Neiman brings the philosophy and Sarner the emotions. Sarner encourages the reader to contemplate their personal ideas about what constitutes adulthood. I was particularly struck by passages on adults being able to care for themselves as well for others, having an understanding of who they are and what they want, but also still learning and changing.
I'm not sure how much of this was the book itself and how much where my head was when reading it, but I cried a lot. In fact, I don't think I stopped crying throughout the last two chapters. Apparently I find the topic of adulthood emotive. In the week since reading When I Grow Up: stories of adults in search of adulthood, I've asked any friend I spoke to or texted "Do you feel like an adult?" This proved to be a very rewarding question, as no two people had the same answer despite all the friends I asked falling into the same five-year age range. Their responses invariably provided interesting insight. Perhaps because I am a statistician, my own answer is in percentages. Although I put on a decent performance of adulthood in daily life, I feel maybe 60% adult and 40% child underneath. I recommend When I Grow Up: stories of adults in search of adulthood, with the caution that you might end up having a lot of feelings about it. If you fancy something more theoretical, try Why Grow Up? first.
Sarner writes in a measured, compassionate, and involving style. The only limitation I observed was lack of acknowledgement that capitalism is the main explanation for this sort of thing:
I wonder if there is another reason why people choose to watch netflix rather than doing something new. I think people lose themselves in their screens night after night because they don't want to engage with the reality that is confronting them. And by people, I mean me. And by reality, I mean many things, from the everyday unhappiness we feel, to the brutal, immutable fact that time passes and loss is inevitable. It seems to me that to choose to do something different, to turn away from our screens, we would have to engage with what that choice really means; the choice to come alive, to try and keep our brains and our minds alive while we can, because our time alive is limited. That, to me, is the truly troubling barrier of inertia.
To be fair, When I Grow Up: stories of adults in search of adulthood makes no claims to be a socioeconomic critique - it is grounded in psychology in general and psychoanalysis in particular. I have in fact read a similar book on the same topic that does critique capitalism: Why Grow Up? by Susan Neiman. I think the two are complimentary; Neiman brings the philosophy and Sarner the emotions. Sarner encourages the reader to contemplate their personal ideas about what constitutes adulthood. I was particularly struck by passages on adults being able to care for themselves as well for others, having an understanding of who they are and what they want, but also still learning and changing.
I'm not sure how much of this was the book itself and how much where my head was when reading it, but I cried a lot. In fact, I don't think I stopped crying throughout the last two chapters. Apparently I find the topic of adulthood emotive. In the week since reading When I Grow Up: stories of adults in search of adulthood, I've asked any friend I spoke to or texted "Do you feel like an adult?" This proved to be a very rewarding question, as no two people had the same answer despite all the friends I asked falling into the same five-year age range. Their responses invariably provided interesting insight. Perhaps because I am a statistician, my own answer is in percentages. Although I put on a decent performance of adulthood in daily life, I feel maybe 60% adult and 40% child underneath. I recommend When I Grow Up: stories of adults in search of adulthood, with the caution that you might end up having a lot of feelings about it. If you fancy something more theoretical, try Why Grow Up? first.
August 17, 2022
Jacqueline Wilson, the 76-year-old bestselling children’s author, has little time for adulthood. ‘From the way you are speaking’, she tells Moya Sarner, when being interviewed for Sarner’s book When I Grow Up: Conversations With Adults in Search of Adulthood, ‘it’s as if… when you achieve adulthood, that is somehow the pinnacle, whereas I think that’s when you start to pretend.’ Wilson thinks that the people who seem most mature ‘have just learned how to pretend to be an adult’, and that children are refreshing because they tend not to participate in this pretence. Several of Sarner’s other interviewees also reject adulthood outright. 19-year-old Sam, a Nigerian immigrant to Britain, hopes never to be an adult despite having had to take on a great deal of responsibility; he sees adulthood as defined by self-imposed constraints, by the refusal to dream, and so by the inability to imagine radical social revolution. Most strikingly, very few of Sarner’s interviewees, from those in their late teens to those reaching the end of their lives, see themselves as truly ‘adult’. ‘I truly do not consider that I have grown up,’ says Pog, who has three adult children and was a full-time carer for her late husband. ‘And I’m 90.’
Like the concept of ‘adulthood’ itself, When I Grow Up is caught between contradictions, which are acutely frustrating in its earlier, shallower chapters and become more meaningful in the later, better sections of the book. As a historian of adulthood in Cold War Britain, I would contend that ‘adulthood’ is difficult to reclaim, despite Sarner’s efforts, because it serves two main societal purposes. One – the one that Sarner is really interested in – is the idea that adulthood is an individual attitude of mind, something that we may lose and regain throughout our lives, that isn’t better than other orientations towards the world, but just different. As psychoanalyst Josh Cohen suggests in conversation with Sarner, who is herself a psychodynamic psychotherapist, childhood and adulthood can be seen as different psychic states rather than developmental stages, and hence not positioned as part of a hierarchy. I love this idea, and very much resonate with the sense of being more and less ‘adult’ at different times of life.
However, as Sarner’s book unconsciously demonstrates, it’s difficult to use the idea of ‘adulthood’ in this way when it is so embedded in modern society as a way of dividing the deserving from the undeserving; the non-citizens from the citizens; the immature from the mature. Adulthood is hierarchical, by nature, because for there to be adults there have to be non-adults, who don’t possess the same rights, capabilities and competencies as adults. As Sarner says herself, adulthood is associated with independence from others, ‘mastery and competence’, care and thoughtfulness’, ‘responsibility’ and mature moral understanding. Sarner contests this definition later in the book, emphasising that, for example, dependence isn’t necessarily a bad thing – but fails to understand that the idea of the ‘dependent subject’ is encoded in the very idea of adulthood, as historians like Holly Brewer, Satadru Sen, Corinne Field, Nicholas Syrett and Ishita Pande have shown. The most obvious victims of hierarchical adulthood are children and young people, but it also targets disabled people, who may be seen as not fully grown-up because they may not be able to live independently, and other groups who don’t fit into white heterosexual middle-class male norms. I, personally, would prefer to challenge the idea that ‘being an adult’ is meaningful rather than just trying to change what ‘being an adult’ means.
Nevertheless, the later chapters of Sarner’s book, where she more fully acknowledges that adulthood should not be a fixed goal to be achieved, contain much that is valuable. I loved the story she tells about a nursery manager who does not praise or criticise the paintings the children in her care produce but instead simply asks ‘Is it finished?’ and ‘Are you happy with it?’ Sarner suggests that this gives the picture back to the child – allowing the picture to stay in a child’s world of creation rather than in an adult world of aspiration and achievement. But as she implies, this attitude to one’s artistic work is also deeply mature – and, in my opinion, disconnected from chronological age. I was more able to occupy this headspace at 18 than I am now, at 35. Why not discard the idea of a set sequence of life stages altogether? This is kind of where Sarner gets to by the end of this book – but by not signalling this from the start, and by structuring her chapters around this familiar sequence, she undermines her own argument. Why insist that children must be protected from the world, that adolescents have to party and take risks, that adults should be ambitious, that middle-aged people should settle down, that the old are wise but obsolete? Why not let us all be people, some of whom need more or less help with their lives than other people? [3.5 stars.]
RANDOM POSTSCRIPT FOR THOSE AGED 30-40: We are used to being told that the frontal lobes of our brain, which are responsible for executive functioning, don’t fully develop until 25 or even 30. HOWEVER, Sarner reveals that they then start declining after age 40! So, fellow 30-40 year olds, this is actually the only decade we get to be adults! Make the most of it!!!
I received a free proof copy of this book from the publisher for review.
Like the concept of ‘adulthood’ itself, When I Grow Up is caught between contradictions, which are acutely frustrating in its earlier, shallower chapters and become more meaningful in the later, better sections of the book. As a historian of adulthood in Cold War Britain, I would contend that ‘adulthood’ is difficult to reclaim, despite Sarner’s efforts, because it serves two main societal purposes. One – the one that Sarner is really interested in – is the idea that adulthood is an individual attitude of mind, something that we may lose and regain throughout our lives, that isn’t better than other orientations towards the world, but just different. As psychoanalyst Josh Cohen suggests in conversation with Sarner, who is herself a psychodynamic psychotherapist, childhood and adulthood can be seen as different psychic states rather than developmental stages, and hence not positioned as part of a hierarchy. I love this idea, and very much resonate with the sense of being more and less ‘adult’ at different times of life.
However, as Sarner’s book unconsciously demonstrates, it’s difficult to use the idea of ‘adulthood’ in this way when it is so embedded in modern society as a way of dividing the deserving from the undeserving; the non-citizens from the citizens; the immature from the mature. Adulthood is hierarchical, by nature, because for there to be adults there have to be non-adults, who don’t possess the same rights, capabilities and competencies as adults. As Sarner says herself, adulthood is associated with independence from others, ‘mastery and competence’, care and thoughtfulness’, ‘responsibility’ and mature moral understanding. Sarner contests this definition later in the book, emphasising that, for example, dependence isn’t necessarily a bad thing – but fails to understand that the idea of the ‘dependent subject’ is encoded in the very idea of adulthood, as historians like Holly Brewer, Satadru Sen, Corinne Field, Nicholas Syrett and Ishita Pande have shown. The most obvious victims of hierarchical adulthood are children and young people, but it also targets disabled people, who may be seen as not fully grown-up because they may not be able to live independently, and other groups who don’t fit into white heterosexual middle-class male norms. I, personally, would prefer to challenge the idea that ‘being an adult’ is meaningful rather than just trying to change what ‘being an adult’ means.
Nevertheless, the later chapters of Sarner’s book, where she more fully acknowledges that adulthood should not be a fixed goal to be achieved, contain much that is valuable. I loved the story she tells about a nursery manager who does not praise or criticise the paintings the children in her care produce but instead simply asks ‘Is it finished?’ and ‘Are you happy with it?’ Sarner suggests that this gives the picture back to the child – allowing the picture to stay in a child’s world of creation rather than in an adult world of aspiration and achievement. But as she implies, this attitude to one’s artistic work is also deeply mature – and, in my opinion, disconnected from chronological age. I was more able to occupy this headspace at 18 than I am now, at 35. Why not discard the idea of a set sequence of life stages altogether? This is kind of where Sarner gets to by the end of this book – but by not signalling this from the start, and by structuring her chapters around this familiar sequence, she undermines her own argument. Why insist that children must be protected from the world, that adolescents have to party and take risks, that adults should be ambitious, that middle-aged people should settle down, that the old are wise but obsolete? Why not let us all be people, some of whom need more or less help with their lives than other people? [3.5 stars.]
RANDOM POSTSCRIPT FOR THOSE AGED 30-40: We are used to being told that the frontal lobes of our brain, which are responsible for executive functioning, don’t fully develop until 25 or even 30. HOWEVER, Sarner reveals that they then start declining after age 40! So, fellow 30-40 year olds, this is actually the only decade we get to be adults! Make the most of it!!!
I received a free proof copy of this book from the publisher for review.
March 31, 2024
As a grown-up who still doesn't quite feel like one, I was immediately intrigued by this book when I first laid eyes on its title. To say I had high hopes would be an understatement; I yearned to delve into the lives of adults who, like me, feel adrift in this world.
The book, I must say, largely lived up to my expectations. There were countless moments when I wished I had a pencil handy to underline the myriad profound quotes that resonated with me, quotes I could revisit time and again throughout the year to bolster myself during those moments when adulthood feels overwhelming.
A word of advice: if you're seeking a definitive guide on how to embrace adulthood or a list of actionable steps to take, this may not be the book for you. It's more of a reflection on the complexities of adulthood, delving into the stories and struggles of various individuals.
The book, I must say, largely lived up to my expectations. There were countless moments when I wished I had a pencil handy to underline the myriad profound quotes that resonated with me, quotes I could revisit time and again throughout the year to bolster myself during those moments when adulthood feels overwhelming.
A word of advice: if you're seeking a definitive guide on how to embrace adulthood or a list of actionable steps to take, this may not be the book for you. It's more of a reflection on the complexities of adulthood, delving into the stories and struggles of various individuals.
January 23, 2024
I found this book really insightful and comforting. It includes such a broad range of interviewees and their journey to defining their adulthood, whilst urging you to redefine your own. The last chapter made me SOB, highly recommend if you’re fighting the process / terrified of being an adult!! (Was a little repetitive at times hence the 4 stars!)
April 11, 2024
4/5 for the interviewees’ stories (i.e. the bits where the author isn't offering her own hot take).
0/5 for the psychobabble. It’s 2024; Freud is an embarrassment even to psychologists, at this point (and god knows they’re hard to embarrass). As the author lets us know approx 10 billion times, she is a TRAINEE psychodynamic psychotherapist; some humility, and maybe learning how to discern scientific evidence from the rabid fantasies of a famed cokehead, might be an idea.
She seems particularly enamoured with famed Freudian analyst Melanie Klein, who thought that babies who bite when breastfeeding are "paranoid-schizoid", and that their biting symbolises an attempt to bite away faeces, other babies, and their dad's penis - all of which exist within the mother's breast, apparently (I wish I was making this up).
For those reasons, I wouldn’t have finished this if I was actually reading it; but I audiobooked it, so I was able to tune out a fair amount of the Freudian BS. Top tip: hoovering helps (which probably means I want to fuck my dad, I guess?).
0/5 for the psychobabble. It’s 2024; Freud is an embarrassment even to psychologists, at this point (and god knows they’re hard to embarrass). As the author lets us know approx 10 billion times, she is a TRAINEE psychodynamic psychotherapist; some humility, and maybe learning how to discern scientific evidence from the rabid fantasies of a famed cokehead, might be an idea.
“So, I gave my lecture yesterday. Despite the lack of preparation, I spoke quite well and without hesitation, which I ascribe to the cocaine I had taken before hand. I told about my discoveries in brain anatomy, all very difficult things that the audience certainly did not understand, but all that matters is that they get the impression that I understand it.”
- Freud, letter to his fiancee, 1884
She seems particularly enamoured with famed Freudian analyst Melanie Klein, who thought that babies who bite when breastfeeding are "paranoid-schizoid", and that their biting symbolises an attempt to bite away faeces, other babies, and their dad's penis - all of which exist within the mother's breast, apparently (I wish I was making this up).
For those reasons, I wouldn’t have finished this if I was actually reading it; but I audiobooked it, so I was able to tune out a fair amount of the Freudian BS. Top tip: hoovering helps (which probably means I want to fuck my dad, I guess?).
September 18, 2022
When I Grow Up was profoundly moving and tender, and listening to the author narrate the book through the audiobook was a lovely, intimate experience of a book which was often intimate, as Sarner generously shares her own thoughts and feelings about growing up herself.
This book enabled me to reflect on the serious pressure I put on myself to behave in an 'adult' way, similar to Sarner's own 'tortoise shell' of adultness, and helped me realise that my thoughts and behaviours which are driven by a desire to age 'well', while being seemingly good decisions for my physical health, might be doing harm to both my present and future self's mental health.
I had never considered that behaving in ways that are anti-ageing in mentality could be horribly disrespectful to my older self, who will inevitably come into existence, and when she does, I want to care for her, not wish her away. Being given the space to reflect on this through the book has been a wonderful gift, and I hope that more young adults read this book and are able to have a similarly liberating experience.
The stories and interviews with people from all walks of life and ages, and the conversations sparked by the simple question of 'do you feel like an adult' were so humane, touching, and deeply insightful, that this book gets 5 stars from me. This book was a fabulous 'grow up' experience :)
This book enabled me to reflect on the serious pressure I put on myself to behave in an 'adult' way, similar to Sarner's own 'tortoise shell' of adultness, and helped me realise that my thoughts and behaviours which are driven by a desire to age 'well', while being seemingly good decisions for my physical health, might be doing harm to both my present and future self's mental health.
I had never considered that behaving in ways that are anti-ageing in mentality could be horribly disrespectful to my older self, who will inevitably come into existence, and when she does, I want to care for her, not wish her away. Being given the space to reflect on this through the book has been a wonderful gift, and I hope that more young adults read this book and are able to have a similarly liberating experience.
The stories and interviews with people from all walks of life and ages, and the conversations sparked by the simple question of 'do you feel like an adult' were so humane, touching, and deeply insightful, that this book gets 5 stars from me. This book was a fabulous 'grow up' experience :)
February 25, 2025
It took me a while to read this as I had a break in the middle, but that’s not a reflection of the book at all. In fact there are so many ideas, moments that really made me stop and reconsider some things about the human condition and psychology, that I’m glad I took my time as I feel I could absorb Sarner’s ideas better.
This is the first book I have read that explores psychoanalytical ideas, and I loved it! Mixing memoir, interviews and academic research, Sarner explores the topic of adulthood in a very accesible way. The latter chapters on aging and dementia were so moving, and i would recommend everyone reads at least them, as they really expanded my thinking about old age.
This is the first book I have read that explores psychoanalytical ideas, and I loved it! Mixing memoir, interviews and academic research, Sarner explores the topic of adulthood in a very accesible way. The latter chapters on aging and dementia were so moving, and i would recommend everyone reads at least them, as they really expanded my thinking about old age.
August 26, 2022
This was v good but hardly any of the cases referenced people that feel like they're ahead rather than behind which is a shame
February 3, 2025
Röviden: gatya.
In more details: This book, given its topic has provided me with good insights on life, how we handle growing up, the understanding that our time here is limited.
The concept of this novel is great, the execution not so much.
Due its repetitiveness i have felt i was struck, not progressing and that i am unable to focus.
The author is a great yapper for sure, and while i am sure she meant the best with writing this book, it was not quite smooth in the end.
Some stories i have found quite touching, and unique like Boru’s, im glad she included a nearly 2-years later update on their life, giving a frame structure to the novel as well.
Overall i am glad i finally finished this book as i kept guilttripping myself to read it all the time.
In more details: This book, given its topic has provided me with good insights on life, how we handle growing up, the understanding that our time here is limited.
The concept of this novel is great, the execution not so much.
Due its repetitiveness i have felt i was struck, not progressing and that i am unable to focus.
The author is a great yapper for sure, and while i am sure she meant the best with writing this book, it was not quite smooth in the end.
Some stories i have found quite touching, and unique like Boru’s, im glad she included a nearly 2-years later update on their life, giving a frame structure to the novel as well.
Overall i am glad i finally finished this book as i kept guilttripping myself to read it all the time.
January 5, 2025
I really enjoyed this book, and I wrote down several quotes from it, which I always use as a judge as to how much I enjoy a book. It seems no one ever really feels that grown up, and it’s a forever ongoing process to learn about yourself, and that is quite alright
January 22, 2025
Well written and structured, with interesting interviewees and ideas about the different stages of our lives.
Parts were a slog to get through, I kept putting off picking it up again. Particularly the bits about getting older. Guess I’m not ready to face that grow-up yet.
Parts were a slog to get through, I kept putting off picking it up again. Particularly the bits about getting older. Guess I’m not ready to face that grow-up yet.
February 16, 2025
Solid 4 stars. Very thoughtful. Fascinating thinking about the aging process.
January 1, 2023
Maybe when I grow up, I'll have more patience for books that wander and meander through ideas with somewhat unnecessary, repetitive, almost compulsive angst. I am also struggling with being or becoming a Real Adult, so thought this book would be a good read, but it felt under-edited and circular, with each chapter following the same formula.
April 4, 2024
Journey Through Life
Author tells story about herself, and through this story folds out how life evolves from childhood to death. The book is kind of a travelogue of her own journey to the realization that being grown up is not a final state, but a process that goes on and on. The book has many interviews and citations that are helpful for my own journey through life. Warmly recommended.
Author tells story about herself, and through this story folds out how life evolves from childhood to death. The book is kind of a travelogue of her own journey to the realization that being grown up is not a final state, but a process that goes on and on. The book has many interviews and citations that are helpful for my own journey through life. Warmly recommended.
August 1, 2024
This book really helped change my mindset! A bit different to my usual fiction read but definitely an empowering book with lots of ear marked pages that I will come back to for reference. Just the type of book I needed at this point in my life when I am feeling a little lost and confused.
August 17, 2024
I enjoyed this so much! As somebody who is always thinking about ageing, growing up and what it means to be an adult - this really scratched an itch and has given me lots to consider. It’s also heightened my excitement for further training in psychotherapy. 5 stars.
June 3, 2025
The real life stories, interviewing people from all walks of life, are really great.
Any reference to Freud though, stands out as a red flag of pseudoscience.
Any reference to Freud though, stands out as a red flag of pseudoscience.
June 11, 2025
perfect for an existential crisis in your early 20's
November 14, 2025
Had a hard time finishing this one. The conversations went in a lot of directions, some that felt too broad for the subject and question at hand which made the result feel less meaningful to me.
August 9, 2023
4.5
One of those books I'm thankful I came across and got to read! One of my top reads for 2023. The book was beautifully written with touching and inspiring stories of growth from infancy, growing into and beyond 'adulthood into old age.
A few things that I want to keep with me is that growing involves pain and also being more able to accept and live with pain, facing oneself instead of hiding, and to become comfortable with not knowing things.
And to not forget to play, no matter what age you are.
One of those books I'm thankful I came across and got to read! One of my top reads for 2023. The book was beautifully written with touching and inspiring stories of growth from infancy, growing into and beyond 'adulthood into old age.
A few things that I want to keep with me is that growing involves pain and also being more able to accept and live with pain, facing oneself instead of hiding, and to become comfortable with not knowing things.
And to not forget to play, no matter what age you are.
June 7, 2024
Man ļoti patika un uzrunāja dažādie pieredzes stāsti. Būtu gribējies redzēt vairāk pieaugšanas stāstus no cilvēkiem, kuru dzīves gājums nav tikai tradicionāli sagaidāmais-izglītība, karjera, bērni. Un mazāk autores vāvuļošana pašai par sevi un gatavību/negatavību dzemdēt bērnu. Bet cik var noprast šis jautājums lielā mērā arī noteica to, kāpēc šī grāmata vispār tika uzrakstīta.
September 3, 2024
An anthology of peoples' lives. Sarner is sensitive in her portrayal of her profiles, who were vulnerable and relatable.
Always good to have a reminder that no one has anything figured out, and the book mirrors several of my personal thoughts on growing up. I found myself pausing to reflect on myself, my family, my upbringing and environment throughout my reading.
Always good to have a reminder that no one has anything figured out, and the book mirrors several of my personal thoughts on growing up. I found myself pausing to reflect on myself, my family, my upbringing and environment throughout my reading.
October 11, 2024
As an adult in my early 30s, I like this book! It gives great insights for readers in search of meaningful adulthood. I’ve written an review for my column. Please have a look and you can use machine translation.
https://www.thenewslens.com/article/2...
https://www.thenewslens.com/article/2...
April 20, 2024
I found this book profoundly moving and insightful. What a privilege to be taken on such a personal journey of discovery and learning. I enjoyed this as a combination of e-book and audiobook and now feel i need a paperback copy to make notes in and keep forever.
May 29, 2024
First chapter is good. Other wise not worth the read
April 22, 2025
Beautiful, informative and at some points confronting but well worth the read.
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