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Hello, Goodbye: 75 Rituals for Times of Loss, Celebration, and Change

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Embrace the power of ritual with simple yet “powerful” (Kim Chestney, author of Radical Intuition and founder of IntuitionLab) practices that slow us down to honor and mark the real moments in our lives—from the loss of a parent to the birth of a child, from grieving a pet to celebrating coming out of the closet.

Life has many A baby is born. A child leaves for college. A marriage. A divorce. A death. We all experience moments of profound change, but what do we do to mark those moments? How do we become mindful of these events and imbue them with purpose and meaning? Could our lives be better, richer, and more resilient if we had more practical resources and rituals to honor, sanctify, and make sense of these transitions?

Day Schildkret, artist and author behind the international Morning Altars movement, believes that what we need is ritual. Rituals are the rhythms and traditions that give us a sense of stability in the face of uncertainty by reminding us that there’s always something we can do, say or make that conjures awe, contentment, and gratitude. They give us a way to acknowledge through our actions that, as life changes, we too must change.

Offering ways to make these moments special and sacred, Hello, Goodbye teaches you to not fear uncertainty, but instead participate fully and creatively in life’s inevitable changes,
-Birth of a child
-Moving and new homes
-Divorce
-Empty nesting
-Retirement
-Death anniversary
-Health crises

Containing over 75 hands-on ritual instructions, informed by hundreds of interviews, and filled with beautiful illustrations, inspirational story-telling, potent questions, and experienced wisdom, Hello, Goodbye is “certain to become a forever reference and treasured, faithful companion” (Kimbery Ann Johnson, author of Call of the Wild and The Fourth Trimester) for life’s many milestones, perfect for those looking to find meaning in change and embrace the transformative thresholds of our lives.

Hello, Goodbye is a “direct and moving” (Rabbi Jill Jammer, PhD, author of The Jewish Book of A Companion for All Seasons) guide we all need to navigate life’s uncertainties with grace, meaning, and intention, perfect for fans of Krista Tippet, Priya Parker, and Elena Brower.

459 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 25, 2022

67 people are currently reading
2759 people want to read

About the author

Day Schildkret

4 books31 followers
Day Schildkret is an earth artist, educator, and public speaker who teaches workshops internationally for communities, festivals, and corporations, as well as mentoring individuals in their creative life purpose. His work, which focuses on why creative living, beauty making, and impermanence are needed now more than ever, has been featured in Vice, Buzzfeed, Well + Good, Spirituality & Health, and elsewhere. He lives in California’s Bay Area.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
Profile Image for Meghan.
106 reviews
January 21, 2022
This is the book I wish I had during impactful situations in my life that, while personally significant, I glossed over them to move onto the next thing. So often we want to see change or motion as progress, and in doing so we forget about the importance of the thing we're leaving. I wish I had this book when I weaned my child, and when we left the house my husband and I lived in for a decade. I feel so happy and fortunate to have it now to help create our own rituals moving forward!
Profile Image for Lela.
4 reviews
January 21, 2022
What a well timed masterpiece of life and loss during the era of Covid when life is so precarious and unpredictable.

This book is an essential part of a life journey, covering the most important life transitions from birth to death. The author invites us to create our own rituals through making earth altars from nature. These beautiful mandala like creations bring us into partnership with our natural surroundings and teach us the truth of impermanence. As an elder, I was moved by the urgency of marking my own impermanence- aging, loss of friends, illness and coming to peace with death when it arrives.

I recommend it to humans of all ages to enrich and honor their everyday experiences .
Profile Image for Anne.
Author 15 books286 followers
November 4, 2021
I simply cannot recommend this book highly enough! If you are in any way inclined toward the spiritual, or introspection, or gatherings and community, you will enjoy it as much as I did. I am a fan of the authors natural mandalas work and this book is rich in cultural lore as related to our personal lives. There is much background here as to rituals in different parts of the world, as well as the importance of rituals to invoke meaning in our lives.

For me, the best part of the book was the biggest part of the book… The actual rituals themselves! The author has included a treasure trove of rituals that anyone can use in their lives. There are morning rituals, evening rituals, rituals to welcome and release the seasons. There are also rituals for letting go- from something as small as a child losing a tooth… To some thing as big as letting go of a job or a person. Has included rituals for many kinds of new beginnings, and many kinds of loss/grief. Finally, rituals to use in times of crisis, plus a good section of resources.

Thanks to NetGalley, the author and publisher for an advanced reading copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
2 reviews1 follower
January 25, 2022
Like a long drink of spring water after a drought, that's what this wonderful book feels like, in these difficult times. Like a favorite cookery book, it will sit on my bedside table, with thumbed pages, reminding me of all the ways- poignant, practical, beautiful- that I can turn the 'messy-middle' transitions of my life into a feast. Day's writing is soulful and real. He brings the stories, heartbreak and humor of his own life forward as ingredients for sharing how to fully enter into the changes life brings to each of us. He invites us to 'turn sorrow into beauty' in the way that ritual does. But the rituals he shares (and shows us how to create our own) are not all about loss and sorrow, they are also about welcoming the new, being with our children in very present ways, dancing with the great mystery of being alive. This is a book to purchase and treasure (and its very beautifully presented with delightful illustrations and deckled edge pages) and I am also glad that I bought the audiobook also, as it is read by Day himself, in a way that adds another layer of depth. Thank you Day!
1 review
January 25, 2022
Day is a true master of his craft and a heart centred human being. Hello Goodbye is an engaging and relatable book for every aspect of life. Day has the ability to open senses and feelings and to guide you to the way to deeply connect within yourself and the greater mysteries. Like his first book, Morning Altars, this will be permanently on my bedside table so I can pick it up often and be immersed in the words and images contained within. If you don't know how to navigate and make sense of your life right now, Hello Goodbye will surely have something simple and subtle for you. The art of ritual and bringing a touch of sacred into your life will Bring all kinds of magic you never knew existed. Day Schildkret is a blessing to the world.
1 review6 followers
January 25, 2022
I have been waiting for this book for 30 years. It touches my heart in so many ways. It is a cookbook of ritual recipes that invites each of us to recognize the importance of consciously stepping through the thresholds of our lives. These thresholds can be simple from day to day, season to season, year to year. As our lives change we need rituals to celebrate new beginnings and to grieve when it is time to let go. "Hello, Goodbye" shows us how to use rituals to look back with gratitude, then turn, and step forward with hope. I highly recommend this book to all of us who are living with loss.
Kitty Edwards, Executive Director, The Living & Dying Consciously Project
Profile Image for Renee.
88 reviews6 followers
April 12, 2022
One thing that’s curious is that I marked it as want to read and that night my mother died unexpectedly. So, I got the book and used it in the liminal first few weeks after her death while I was holding vigil you might say. It was helpful to see something like a recipe book of rituals and meditations for many kinds of moments where these things are needed. This book can help you remember and honor the benchmarks and touchstones that accompany changes, loss and celebration. If you are inclined to pick this up, also get A Book of Blessings by John O’Donahue. Next thing you know, you might experience your life as something to behold regularly as much as is to be lived.
Profile Image for Jo.
2 reviews
January 25, 2022
Day's latest book was worth the wait--and it couldn't have come at a better time. It provides a sort of cookbook for practices that will help scaffold our souls during these uncertain times. While his ritual practices are simple and very approachable, it's his writing between the "recipes" that is truly inspiring, honest and humbling. Even if you pick up the book never having the intention to ever light a candle outside of a birthday party, by the end you will look at the ways you mark all sorts of life events with reverence.
2 reviews2 followers
January 26, 2022
Day has done it again - a book that speaks to my heart and is written from his heart. I’m looking forward to turning to this book over and over again to explore new ways of marking time, remembering and deepening my connect to past, present and courage for the future. Everyone should try this book!!
1 review
Want to read
December 21, 2021
I haven't yet read Days latest book but his previous book 'Morning Alters' blew me away. It's a beautiful meditation on being present on this big blue planet we call home. I can't wait to read Hello Goodbye!
Profile Image for Adam.
18 reviews6 followers
May 4, 2022
Day Schildkret has expertly written (and spoken) a rich, wise, and beautiful book that offers touching ways to honor and be present to moments deeply sad, joyous, and normal in our lives. The tools in these rituals, or practices, (adapted however the reader sees fit) can help shape, guide, and mentor our process in remembering, or healing, honoring, or celebrating, in ways that are perhaps cathartic, necessary, and unfortunately forgotten for too many of us. "Hello, Goodbye" is unlike any book I've read; feeling like a tome to meet this chaotic moment in the world and simultaneously ageless. Day is a fount from another time and place springing forth a wisdom we would do well to remember and implement. Thanks for writing, Day.
1 review
January 28, 2022
“Hello, Goodbye” is a powerful and practical compendium of beautiful stories and rituals for enriching life and sanctifying deeper meaning in life’s transitions. Thank you Day for creating this poetic resource for us all!
Profile Image for Brad Wolfe.
1 review7 followers
January 28, 2022
Doesn't get better than this. Soulful, helpful, joyful. It's a guide to life, and I now see it as the perfect holiday gift.
Profile Image for Jennifer Sacasa-wright.
60 reviews7 followers
May 14, 2022
Events shape our lives, stirring up emotions, bringing transitions, and forcing changes. These moments — a birth, health crisis, marriage, job transfer, the loss of a pet, leaving for college — tend to get lost amid routinely busy days with their unending demands.

Day Schildkret, artist and author behind the Morning Altars movement, believes we need ritual to observe, sanctify, and make sense of these transitions. Being mindful of them, being willing to honor these times with purpose and meaning, provides a sense of stability and reminds us there is always something we can do, say, make, or thank to acknowledge these life events.

Drawing from his Jewish heritage, wisdom, experiences, and hundreds interviews, Schildkret offers instructions for seventy-five rituals to mark thirty-six of life’s thresholds. Often introduced with a story or other information, the second part offers a customizable ritual, ending with a list of questions for introspection.

“Hello, Goodbye” offers ways to stop and mark each of these moments special and sacred. There are morning and evening rituals, seasonal rituals, rituals for times of crisis and for stages of life, and rituals that are celebrations and expressions of grief. They can be done by anyone, alone or with others, for they are not religious or difficult, and they can be modified as needed.

For instance, a ritual for a miscarriage calls for gathering together objects that symbolize what was loved and lost from the pregnancy, and burying the bundle; a divorce ritual acts to “undo” the ancient Celtic hand-fasting by unbinding the couple — both before witnesses. After receiving a diagnosis, one ritual suggests spreading a blanket outside, lying down, looking up at the sky and repeating affirmations while another works with three bouquets of roses to draw out the anger and grief.

From morning to night, from spring to winter, and from birth to death, there are rituals that will help denote events that are not routine.

I highly recommend this book. It will help elevate the moments society tends to ignore, giving them meaning and significance, and urging readers to slow down, process what has happened, and tend to its memory. Big or small, an ending or a beginning, we are more grounded when we remember to remember.

Day Schildkret describes himself as “a queer, Jewish cis man.” In addition to speaking from his experience, he held hour-long conversations with two hundred people willing to share a moment in their life that forever changed them. He is the author of “Morning Altars: A 7-Step Practice to Nourish Your Spirit through Nature, Art and Ritual.”

Reviewed by Lynn Woike (The Witch on Wheels) of PaganPages dot Org
Profile Image for mad mags.
1,276 reviews91 followers
March 27, 2022
(Full disclosure: I received a free copy of this book for review through Goodreads giveaways.)

"When something is ending, it also needs witnessing. To witness is to testify that something happened here. It is to look directly at the evidence of change and not turn away. What may come are tears or thanks, which is proper when saying goodbye.
Sometimes, it's not enough to witness an ending all by ourselves. Even the etymology of the word 'testify' tells us it comes from the Proto-Indo-European word tris, meaning 'three.' In other words, sometimes we need others to help us witness big changes because we can too easily get caught up inside of them. Sometimes we need the eyes of our family or friends to wonder with us 'how could this be' or 'what will become.' In that way, they help us look at the transitional times of our lives with tenderness, care, and humility. Bearing witness is one of the greatest gifts we can give and receive in moments of change."

When I spotted HELLO, GOODBYE in a Goodreads giveaway, I immediately looked up the table of contents - and was pleasantly surprised to find not one, but two rituals to help the bereaved mourn the loss of a companion animal. Having said goodbye to eight of my own (in addition to a husband), I was sold.

While I'll likely never participate in "The Cutting the Collar Ritual" (I save them! And displayed them, when I had an appropriate place.), Schildkret outlines meaningful rituals for a whole host of life-changing events - some of them obvious, others less so: birth and death; leaving a job and retirement; the changing of the seasons; coming out; and moving out of/into a home, to name a few.

He also encourages readers to come up with their own unique variations. Along these lines, may I suggest discussing your salary honestly with coworkers, so that they may be better self-advocates, as part of the "Leaving a Job / Leaving Generously Ritual."

HELLO, GOODBYE is the kind of book you don't realize you need until you have it. It's gentle and life-affirming and a little spiritual, but not in a way that will alienate the non-religious (myself included).

Partaking in rituals was one way my late husband and I were able to weather the loss of our furry family members, whose lives (and deaths) were literally in our hands. One of my fondest memories from Peedee's final few months (when we knew he was dying of cancer) was when, on his last night, we sat around telling our favorite Peedee stories. My only regret is that neither of us thought to record it.
Profile Image for Nicholas Whitaker.
1 review1 follower
December 16, 2023
"Hello, Goodbye Hello, Goodbye: 75 Rituals for Times of Loss, Celebration, and Change" is a book that shines as a beacon of understanding and empathy in our ever-changing lives. It masterfully acknowledges the intricate nuance of human experiences, ranging from the poignant moments of loss to the jubilant peaks of celebration. The book offers a collection of 75 rituals, thoughtfully designed to guide readers through these significant life events with grace and intentionality.

What stands out in this book is its holistic approach. It doesn't just offer rituals; it provides a compassionate framework for understanding and embracing life's transitions. Each ritual is more than a set of actions; it's a journey through emotions, memories, and hopes, helping readers find meaning and solace or joy and celebration in their experiences.

The author's profound understanding of the human psyche is evident in each page. The rituals are crafted with a balance of sensitivity and practicality, making them accessible to everyone, regardless of their background or beliefs. This universality is the book's strength, as it reaches out to a wide audience, offering support and guidance.

What makes this book particularly impactful is its relevance in today's world. We live in times of rapid change and uncertainty, and this book acts as a steady companion, helping readers navigate through the complexities of life with a sense of purpose and clarity.

Overall, "Hello, Goodbye Hello, Goodbye" is a treasure trove of wisdom, comfort, and inspiration. It's a book that doesn't just sit on a shelf; it lives in the heart of its readers, offering guidance and light whenever needed. It's a must-read for anyone seeking to understand and celebrate the ebb and flow of life with depth and authenticity.
Profile Image for Wren.
15 reviews5 followers
dnf
March 1, 2022
I had an issue with my e-reader getting wet which resulted in my not finishing this book as quickly as I had hoped, but I absolutely plan to purchase it at my earliest convenience.

The rituals outlined in this fabulous book, while influenced by the author's own faith, are secular and fully syncretic to anyone's personal practice. The author encourages group involvement in addition to solitary work, and calls the book itself a sort of "cookbook for ritual: to drop what doesn't work, to adapt and change as needed, but more importantly not to read it cover to cover like a novel." Sound and beautiful advice.

Many of us have lost the cultural traditions and rituals needed to observe, sanctify, and make sense of the transitions of life. This loss has left many of us seeking ways from other cultures, oftentimes overstepping boundaries in doing so. While the author may borrow lovingly from the ideas of open cultures, overall he helps invent new ways of being mindful to all events in one's life. We are reminded to be willing to honor these times with purpose and meaning, and the author offers a sense of stability in doing so, reminding us there is always something we can do, say, make, or thank to acknowledge these life events.

I received a copy of this book from Tiller Press, S&S/Simon Element care of NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. #HelloGoodbyeRituals #Netgalley

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Profile Image for Bridgitte Rodguez.
451 reviews7 followers
February 20, 2025
I first discovered Dey Schildkret and his Morning Altars practice through the United Palace Theater in Upper Manhattan. He had done a video series they were highlighting on the Morning Altars practice. His approach resonated with me, so when I saw this book, I decided to check it out. The volume is approachable providing an overview of what ritual is, how to implement it into our lives and the benefits of ritual. The majority of the book is an encyclopedia of sorts giving ideas for performing your own rituals to mark significant life events or changes. I really appreciate Dey’s approach to make ritual your own and do what works best for you. These are not hard and fast but jumping off points to commemorate the good, the bad, the sad, the happy.
Profile Image for Laurie  Scherer.
63 reviews1 follower
January 10, 2023
This book was suggested in a course I completed through INELDA designed to offer skills for end of life care. The book has suggestions for legacy work that can be helpful when supporting someone who is very ill or elderly. The book also has celebration rituals and ideas for celebration and changes. The book is very supportive of non-traditional rituals and is not religious based. I enjoyed the suggestions for recognizing and celebrating new identities.

No one like experiencing loss or unexpected changes but it's a nice shift to look at how to navigate the changes with intentional ritual.
Profile Image for Kimberly Johnson.
Author 10 books99 followers
January 28, 2022
This book is a treasure. A chapter in, and I was already ordering one for everyone I know. The writing is rich and touches deep, and then there is just so much practical wisdom for those of us who are secular orphans, who know we want to mark passages but don't always know where to start. This book is going to be underlined, dogeared, filled with post-its and it will be passed to my daughter. There is just so much soul-enriching wisdom. It's a start towards the kind of repair we need so that we feel we are in a culture we want to belong to. A perfect gift for the ages.
Profile Image for Stephanie.
432 reviews8 followers
February 21, 2023
I made my way through this book slowly, reading the rituals that piqued my curiosity and scanning others that didn’t feel particularly resonant in this moment. It’s a beautiful and thoughtful offering, providing the reader with meaningful rituals to mark moments of significant transition. I plan to refer back to it often for inspiration on how to ritualize threshold moments in my own life. A great reminder to slow down and make time to process and honor what is happening in our lives, so needed in this fast-paced world.
1 review2 followers
January 28, 2022
Moving. Timely. Needed. Hello, Goodbye is not simply a book, it is an experience that calls on us to connect with the moments we are in - whether they are challenging, celebratory, or seemingly mundane. Day Schildkret's ability to story-tell and simultaneously direct readers to tap into rituals reminds us that life is always happening, but it is up to us to honor it. So thankful for this book's creativity and meaning - will share it with everyone I know!
Profile Image for Britt.
171 reviews
March 11, 2022
This book is so unique in that you could read it at different times in your life and each time another part of the book will be relevant to you. I love the idea of the rituals and I look forward to doing some of them. I can’t wait to go back to this book and re read certain parts when they are more relevant to me.
Profile Image for Morris.
964 reviews174 followers
April 14, 2022
This is a beautiful book that helped me deal with a loss I was still trying to process. I tend to try to bury feelings and there are encouraging ideas that I will use next time to confront grief and turmoil head on. It would make a nice gift for anyone experiencing loss or unexpected change. Highly recommended.

This unbiased review is based on a copy won through Goodreads giveaways.
Profile Image for Danielle Shroyer.
Author 4 books33 followers
February 1, 2023
I’ve been combing through a stack of books on ritual and this one by far, so far, is the most grounded. I think it’s because the author is so well-steeped in his own religious tradition, and he moves so naturally as a ritual person through the world. Lovely collection of rituals but also a real invitation to consider how we as readers might also be ritual people in our own way.
Profile Image for Betsy Hover.
187 reviews10 followers
February 13, 2022
Rituals we're ingrained onto our ancestors. We have lost this part of our life due to hustle and bustle of our very busy life's. I have always tried to stop and be very present in special moments of my personal life. This is a must read.
97 reviews
May 11, 2022
A great tool to have around for almost any major event in your life. Also I love the fact that there are daily and seasonal rituals included as well. Thoughtfully written and well explained. I love the open ended questions at the end and the flexibility of most of the rituals.
Profile Image for Danuta Janiszewski.
114 reviews3 followers
November 27, 2024
Rituals on: birthday, leaving a job, new name, coming out, loss of a pet, moving from a home, death anniversary, seasons, survival anniversary, a new home, losing a friendship, aging childless, death and dying, a global or national crisis
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews

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