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Miss Me With That: Hot Takes, Helpful Tidbits and a Few Hard Truths
ABOUT MISS ME WITH THAT
A candid, witty, and inspiring collection of essays from The Bachelor’s first Black Bachelorette, exploring everything from relationships and love to politics and race.
Extra correspondent and Higher Learning co-host Rachel Lindsay originally rose to prominence as the first Black Bachelorette and has since become one of the franchise’s most well-known figures.
For the first time, Rachel opens up about what it meant to be the first Black lead on ABC’s hit show and reveals everything about her life off-camera, from her childhood growing up in Dallas, Texas, as the daughter of a U.S. District Judge to her disastrous dating life prior to going on The Bachelor, to her career in law, her evolving female friendships, and her decision to become a reality TV contestant. She also brings her sharp wit and keen intellect to weigh in on issues such as the lack of diversity in reality television and the importance of political engagement, protest, voting, and the Black Lives Matter movement.
Told in the down-to-earth, no-nonsense voice she’s become known for, Lindsay’s collection will provide an intimate look at the life of one of reality TV’s most beloved and outspoken stars, as well as advice and inspiration that will make her a role model for anyone who has ever tried to make sense of love and life and lost their way trying to do so.
A candid, witty, and inspiring collection of essays from The Bachelor’s first Black Bachelorette, exploring everything from relationships and love to politics and race.
Extra correspondent and Higher Learning co-host Rachel Lindsay originally rose to prominence as the first Black Bachelorette and has since become one of the franchise’s most well-known figures.
For the first time, Rachel opens up about what it meant to be the first Black lead on ABC’s hit show and reveals everything about her life off-camera, from her childhood growing up in Dallas, Texas, as the daughter of a U.S. District Judge to her disastrous dating life prior to going on The Bachelor, to her career in law, her evolving female friendships, and her decision to become a reality TV contestant. She also brings her sharp wit and keen intellect to weigh in on issues such as the lack of diversity in reality television and the importance of political engagement, protest, voting, and the Black Lives Matter movement.
Told in the down-to-earth, no-nonsense voice she’s become known for, Lindsay’s collection will provide an intimate look at the life of one of reality TV’s most beloved and outspoken stars, as well as advice and inspiration that will make her a role model for anyone who has ever tried to make sense of love and life and lost their way trying to do so.
Audiobook
First published January 25, 2022
144 people are currently reading
6919 people want to read
About the author
Rachel Lindsay
66 books64 followersRachel Lindsay is the pen name of an author who also published as Roberta Leigh, Janey Scott, and Rozella Lake. See the "Roberta Leigh" entry for full biographical information.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 338 reviews
December 24, 2021
Super impressed with this memoir. Lindsay gets into *almost* all the drama. I’m a big fan and really got a sense of her in a new way. The writing is solid. My biggest complaint is the book is too long and gets a little redundant.
February 1, 2022
A very good version of a celebrity memoir! Miss Me With That is by the first Black woman to be The Bachelorette and it follows her life and messy relationships prior to the show, things she learned, and her experiences on Bachelor and Bachelorette. She talks a lot about the experience of being a Black woman in that space, about advocacy she has done, about being in an interracial marriage with a Latinx man, and much more. She's vulnerable about her past relationship mistakes, is clear about why she chose her now husband Brian (for good reasons!) and explains some things you might not know. She also talks about her experience with faith and Christianity, and the way that has evolved for her with time while still remaining important.
She says a lot of things that often go unsaid, from the existence of a racist segment of the show fanbase to how the producers will create problems intentionally. Preferring people don't have access to therapy while on the show, casting a guy who was clearly racist and then forcing her to keep him on for weeks, and more. It's well worth a read, especially if you're a fan of the show. At the end she talks about the impact the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and George Floyd have had on her and on the choices she has made. And she reads the audiobook herself, which makes it a great way to consume it. I received an audio review copy of this book from the publisher. All opinions are my own.
She says a lot of things that often go unsaid, from the existence of a racist segment of the show fanbase to how the producers will create problems intentionally. Preferring people don't have access to therapy while on the show, casting a guy who was clearly racist and then forcing her to keep him on for weeks, and more. It's well worth a read, especially if you're a fan of the show. At the end she talks about the impact the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and George Floyd have had on her and on the choices she has made. And she reads the audiobook herself, which makes it a great way to consume it. I received an audio review copy of this book from the publisher. All opinions are my own.
February 18, 2022
Rachel Lindsay is a real one.
This entire book was an A+ for effort, an A+ for keeping it 100, an A+ for speaking her truths, and an A+ for skewering these Bachelor Nation weirdoes from the producers, to the weirdo male contestants, down to the weirdo viewers at home who can never let a bitch live!
I really enjoyed it. I felt her honesty and transparency radiate off of every page, from the moments with her family where she navigates her thoughts around embarrasing her family by participating in this experience, to her layered thoughts on therapy and healing for yourself first. It fully engaged me. I set this as my Valentine's Day read and I don't regret it.
She's charming and had so many valid points about the state of Bachelor Nation, the real world as it pertains to racism, feminism, sports, feeling the butterflies of a new relationship, and all the work that she had to put in with her husband, the one she chose in her season, Bryan. She spills on the tea on Peter, a handsome but lost Bachelor fan favourite, who due to editing I was rooting for, but whose personality never really sat right in my spirit.
Rachel Lindsay's season of The Bachelorette was the first and last one I've ever watched from beginning to end, tuning in each week completely enthralled. Her poise and grace came through in every episode and came through in this book, even where she was talking about her mistakes and sisssssss there were a lot of mistakes, my girl! Like mistakes where I felt that sometimes she was blurring the lines in her relationships bordering in side chick territory, etc. No shade ever tho, because everyone makes mistakes so I'm not even going to hold you. Let she who is without sin cast the first stone, love.
Anyway, I highly recommend Miss Me With That. Especially for anyone who is in love with Bachelor Nation but needs a reality check on what's going on behind the scenes. Let Rachel Lindsay get you all the way caught up.
Lastly, I want to say how much I love the title. “Miss Me With That” is a typical Black womanism and I'm always saying that, so just seeing the cover of this book and its title warmed my heart.
More of my thoughts on the book here.
This entire book was an A+ for effort, an A+ for keeping it 100, an A+ for speaking her truths, and an A+ for skewering these Bachelor Nation weirdoes from the producers, to the weirdo male contestants, down to the weirdo viewers at home who can never let a bitch live!
I really enjoyed it. I felt her honesty and transparency radiate off of every page, from the moments with her family where she navigates her thoughts around embarrasing her family by participating in this experience, to her layered thoughts on therapy and healing for yourself first. It fully engaged me. I set this as my Valentine's Day read and I don't regret it.
She's charming and had so many valid points about the state of Bachelor Nation, the real world as it pertains to racism, feminism, sports, feeling the butterflies of a new relationship, and all the work that she had to put in with her husband, the one she chose in her season, Bryan. She spills on the tea on Peter, a handsome but lost Bachelor fan favourite, who due to editing I was rooting for, but whose personality never really sat right in my spirit.
Rachel Lindsay's season of The Bachelorette was the first and last one I've ever watched from beginning to end, tuning in each week completely enthralled. Her poise and grace came through in every episode and came through in this book, even where she was talking about her mistakes and sisssssss there were a lot of mistakes, my girl! Like mistakes where I felt that sometimes she was blurring the lines in her relationships bordering in side chick territory, etc. No shade ever tho, because everyone makes mistakes so I'm not even going to hold you. Let she who is without sin cast the first stone, love.
Anyway, I highly recommend Miss Me With That. Especially for anyone who is in love with Bachelor Nation but needs a reality check on what's going on behind the scenes. Let Rachel Lindsay get you all the way caught up.
Lastly, I want to say how much I love the title. “Miss Me With That” is a typical Black womanism and I'm always saying that, so just seeing the cover of this book and its title warmed my heart.
More of my thoughts on the book here.
January 16, 2022
Whew, I'd expect nothing less from Rachel Lindsay, but she covered a lot of ground in Miss Me With That. From her relationship foibles and winding career path to her experience with The Bachelor franchise and her work combatting racism, she really unpacks allllll of it.
I appreciated how much Rachel put on the line here to be vulnerable. Hindsight really is 20/20, and things look a lot different at 36 than when you're 16. I'll also say it: Rachel doesn't owe anyone an explanation of why she chose her husband Bryan on The Bachelorette, but it was great to see her provide so much context that producers didn't allow her during her season.
On the editing side of things (as always, I never put this on strictly the author), I think this memoir was a biiiit too long and fell into redundant territory at times, which are two common problems for celebrity/public figure memoirs. Additionally, there's quite a bit in here about Christianity and religiosity, which I know can be a turn-off to some people. Just know what you're getting when you go into it!
Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to finish this week's episode of Higher Learning...
CW: Discussions of racism (specifically anti-Blackness) and classism, infidelity, mental illness, mentions of alcoholism
I appreciated how much Rachel put on the line here to be vulnerable. Hindsight really is 20/20, and things look a lot different at 36 than when you're 16. I'll also say it: Rachel doesn't owe anyone an explanation of why she chose her husband Bryan on The Bachelorette, but it was great to see her provide so much context that producers didn't allow her during her season.
On the editing side of things (as always, I never put this on strictly the author), I think this memoir was a biiiit too long and fell into redundant territory at times, which are two common problems for celebrity/public figure memoirs. Additionally, there's quite a bit in here about Christianity and religiosity, which I know can be a turn-off to some people. Just know what you're getting when you go into it!
Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to finish this week's episode of Higher Learning...
CW: Discussions of racism (specifically anti-Blackness) and classism, infidelity, mental illness, mentions of alcoholism
February 2, 2022
“For those of you who might be hate-skimming this book in the bookstore: I dare you to read this chapter in its entirety. Don’t expect any attempts to win you over. If you’re set on disliking me, it might as well be the real me and not some angry Black bitch stereotype you’ve subconsciously and overtly ascribed to.” 🔥🔥🔥
Rachel. Lynn. Lindsay. Everybody.
I love Rachel so much and have loved her since she was first on Nick Viall’s season of the Bachelor. She is a beautiful woman, brilliant lawyer, a great sport and entertainment journalist, a kind human with a warm heart, and she is dang funny. In her memoir, she not only tells it like it is on a lot of issues with Bachelor Nation, she also shows her softer side that was often excluded from the narrative that this problematic show created. It was so nice getting a glimpse of young Rach, and what shaped her into the woman she is today. Also, it was so nice to hear more about her and Bryan’s relationship… at one point moving me to tears because it was so genuinely beautiful.
If you like Rachel, you’ll love this book. If you’re reading it just to hate on her? In the words of Big Rach: “Miss me with that!”
Rachel. Lynn. Lindsay. Everybody.
I love Rachel so much and have loved her since she was first on Nick Viall’s season of the Bachelor. She is a beautiful woman, brilliant lawyer, a great sport and entertainment journalist, a kind human with a warm heart, and she is dang funny. In her memoir, she not only tells it like it is on a lot of issues with Bachelor Nation, she also shows her softer side that was often excluded from the narrative that this problematic show created. It was so nice getting a glimpse of young Rach, and what shaped her into the woman she is today. Also, it was so nice to hear more about her and Bryan’s relationship… at one point moving me to tears because it was so genuinely beautiful.
If you like Rachel, you’ll love this book. If you’re reading it just to hate on her? In the words of Big Rach: “Miss me with that!”
February 19, 2022
Let me start with the positives: Miss Me With That passed all of my “Requirements for a Decent Memoir Test”: This book was multi-dimensional; I believed her and didn’t perceive any sensationalizing whatsoever, and the book was DEFINITELY in her own voice. I especially loved the parts talking about growing up as the only black in white spaces and eloquently portraying and detailing her time on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette (Oh, the gaslighting).
I have three major issues, hence the 3-star rating.
1) Firstly, The beginning was slow. I didn’t even get into the book until 120 pages in. Again, it wasn’t that it was terrible. It was good but, there were some heavy topics in the beginning (and coupled with point 3), it was a little trying to get through.
Note: The middle and ending were better and not just for the messy Bachelor Nation bits.
2) Next, and y’all no shade because I love my girl, and I don’t want to invalidate the role that relationships play in people’s lives. Still, I thought it was a bit trying that RL was The Bachelorette, trying to find love in a sea of men, and one of the main focal points for this book was her relationships pre-The Bachelor. Maybe it’s just me, but we spent TOO MUCH time on this. I was annoyed that this was the frame of reference chosen for a good portion of the book, maybe even further contributing to Point 1.
3) Lastly, and most importantly, book organization. You have to be careful when your memoir is a collection of essays. People think it is much easier than doing the traditional, chronological, chapter way, but it’s not. Sometimes, with essays, things such as critical events or important lessons learned can get lost in translation if the text isn’t organized well. You almost have to organize the book by topic, theme, or lesson learned for it to work (i.e., Amanda Seales’ Small Doses).
In the case of Miss Me With That, RL started with her childhood, and then afterward would sometimes be in chronological order and sometimes wouldn’t be. Time was a mystery sometimes, which I guess to some doesn’t matter, but I feel that being able to glean where the subject is in time is essential when reading a memoir as it provides further context, especially when the memoir is focusing on lessons learned over time.
Now that I think about it, maybe she did this intentionally and didn’t go in a clear chronological order so people wouldn’t just skip to the Bachelor/Bachelorette parts and not read the rest of the book.
Overall, I liked it but didn’t love it. Let me know what you think!
I have three major issues, hence the 3-star rating.
1) Firstly, The beginning was slow. I didn’t even get into the book until 120 pages in. Again, it wasn’t that it was terrible. It was good but, there were some heavy topics in the beginning (and coupled with point 3), it was a little trying to get through.
Note: The middle and ending were better and not just for the messy Bachelor Nation bits.
2) Next, and y’all no shade because I love my girl, and I don’t want to invalidate the role that relationships play in people’s lives. Still, I thought it was a bit trying that RL was The Bachelorette, trying to find love in a sea of men, and one of the main focal points for this book was her relationships pre-The Bachelor. Maybe it’s just me, but we spent TOO MUCH time on this. I was annoyed that this was the frame of reference chosen for a good portion of the book, maybe even further contributing to Point 1.
3) Lastly, and most importantly, book organization. You have to be careful when your memoir is a collection of essays. People think it is much easier than doing the traditional, chronological, chapter way, but it’s not. Sometimes, with essays, things such as critical events or important lessons learned can get lost in translation if the text isn’t organized well. You almost have to organize the book by topic, theme, or lesson learned for it to work (i.e., Amanda Seales’ Small Doses).
In the case of Miss Me With That, RL started with her childhood, and then afterward would sometimes be in chronological order and sometimes wouldn’t be. Time was a mystery sometimes, which I guess to some doesn’t matter, but I feel that being able to glean where the subject is in time is essential when reading a memoir as it provides further context, especially when the memoir is focusing on lessons learned over time.
Now that I think about it, maybe she did this intentionally and didn’t go in a clear chronological order so people wouldn’t just skip to the Bachelor/Bachelorette parts and not read the rest of the book.
Overall, I liked it but didn’t love it. Let me know what you think!
February 1, 2022
The first season of The Bachelor I watched was Nick Viall's, where Rachel Lindsay got her start and I've watched every season of The Bachelor, Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise since. I liked Lindsay from the jump; she was smart, straightforward but also seemed genuinely interested in finding a connection. So it's been cool to watch her journey for love and her career grow.
Despite my rating here, I did like portions of this book. There was some real justifiable rage here, towards the Bachelor franchise and it's fanbase, which I was very into. I thought focusing on her upbringing helped me understand who she is better. The behind the scenes Bachelor tea was juicy and I was here for it.
But I'm not exactly sure what this book is trying to be. It appears mostly memoir but there are these self-helpy moments that didn't really work. I would have preferred her to just stick with the narrative of her life vs. trying to teach me something. And there were definitely some "teach White people about race" moments in this book that were very much not for me as a fellow Black lady but I understand why she included them. It was the more "reach for the stars" bland self-empowerment schtick I could have done without. Also, Lindsay needed a better editor. Like a MUCH better editor. At times this text was so repetitive I wanted to scream. She repeated the same sentiments over and over, sometimes within the same paragraph. I wanted to be like, "we get it girl! Let's move on". The deep dives on some of her past relationships felt unnecessary (except for Ed-- Ed needed to be explored because that relationship was very clearly tied to her experiences on the Bachelor/Bachelorette).
Overall, if you're deep in the pit (GOR style), then this book is for you. But if you're just a casual viewer of The Bachelor and only kind of care about Lindsay and her life? I would say keep it moving and read some of the articles she's put out in the past couple of years. That'll give you all the info you need. Oh and she doesn't go into her friendship breakup with Raven so if you're looking for that-- this ain't it.
Despite my rating here, I did like portions of this book. There was some real justifiable rage here, towards the Bachelor franchise and it's fanbase, which I was very into. I thought focusing on her upbringing helped me understand who she is better. The behind the scenes Bachelor tea was juicy and I was here for it.
But I'm not exactly sure what this book is trying to be. It appears mostly memoir but there are these self-helpy moments that didn't really work. I would have preferred her to just stick with the narrative of her life vs. trying to teach me something. And there were definitely some "teach White people about race" moments in this book that were very much not for me as a fellow Black lady but I understand why she included them. It was the more "reach for the stars" bland self-empowerment schtick I could have done without. Also, Lindsay needed a better editor. Like a MUCH better editor. At times this text was so repetitive I wanted to scream. She repeated the same sentiments over and over, sometimes within the same paragraph. I wanted to be like, "we get it girl! Let's move on". The deep dives on some of her past relationships felt unnecessary (except for Ed-- Ed needed to be explored because that relationship was very clearly tied to her experiences on the Bachelor/Bachelorette).
Overall, if you're deep in the pit (GOR style), then this book is for you. But if you're just a casual viewer of The Bachelor and only kind of care about Lindsay and her life? I would say keep it moving and read some of the articles she's put out in the past couple of years. That'll give you all the info you need. Oh and she doesn't go into her friendship breakup with Raven so if you're looking for that-- this ain't it.
November 2, 2023
thanks to @randomhouse for this one! (ps— i have an extra copy to send to someone, just like and comment on this post and i’ll pick a winner this weekend!)
i wanted way more #bachelornation tea from this one (listen, i’m here for the drama and behind the scenes secrets always!!!), but still really enjoyed and appreciated rachel’s insights, stories, and essays. she doesn’t hold back in this one and speaks her truth and shines light on some hard and ugly things, and i appreciate her willingness to do so despite the pushback she’s sure to get. she’s been a favorite of mine for a while for how she’s stood strong in her convictions, been outspoken about issues of race and held others accountable when at fault, and really just blazed her own trail and left her mark in a reality tv world that hasn’t been kind or inclusive to people of color. and listen, i support her decision to distance herself from the Bachelor world (she owes them nothing and has given SO MUCH of herself) — there’s much that needs to change in the ABC/BN world and i hope others to come will follow in her lead to fight for it.
i wanted way more #bachelornation tea from this one (listen, i’m here for the drama and behind the scenes secrets always!!!), but still really enjoyed and appreciated rachel’s insights, stories, and essays. she doesn’t hold back in this one and speaks her truth and shines light on some hard and ugly things, and i appreciate her willingness to do so despite the pushback she’s sure to get. she’s been a favorite of mine for a while for how she’s stood strong in her convictions, been outspoken about issues of race and held others accountable when at fault, and really just blazed her own trail and left her mark in a reality tv world that hasn’t been kind or inclusive to people of color. and listen, i support her decision to distance herself from the Bachelor world (she owes them nothing and has given SO MUCH of herself) — there’s much that needs to change in the ABC/BN world and i hope others to come will follow in her lead to fight for it.
April 16, 2023
→ 3 ☆
the cover's cute and i liked rachel's voice (i'm assuming it's hers). it was fun to listen about her upbringing throughout my day, but i did have to speed it up to like 1.75x. just too slow for me. i liked it enough. i don't remember much, but it was a good read. just not great.
mwah,
alayla. 📖
“one of the hardest yet most powerful things we can do for ourselves is overcome the assumption that everything worth having in life requires a struggle. instead find the courage to ask yourself if what you previously thought to be plan a, with all its friction and angst, should ever have been an option at all.”
the cover's cute and i liked rachel's voice (i'm assuming it's hers). it was fun to listen about her upbringing throughout my day, but i did have to speed it up to like 1.75x. just too slow for me. i liked it enough. i don't remember much, but it was a good read. just not great.
mwah,
alayla. 📖
March 26, 2022
She said she wasn’t gonna spill the tea but she dragged Bachelor Nation for filth. AS SHE SHOULD !
Also I can’t believe I read a Bachelor memoir with real substance. Rachel you have achieved the impossible
Also I can’t believe I read a Bachelor memoir with real substance. Rachel you have achieved the impossible
July 4, 2022
the Bachelorette sets the record straight
Looks like Rachel is done with the franchise. This memoir was a "I'm about to set the record straight" for the those who religiously follow the drama known as the Bachelor and Bachelorette.
While I didn't watch her show, this show always felt contrived so I wasn't interested. But there was enough tv coverage that I knew some of the issues Rachel Lindsay had with her portrayal. I also saw some of the vitriol spewed her way after Rachel had the exchange with Chris Harrison following Matt James ridiculous season. I was glad to read Rachel's story from her own point of view but she also presented as haughty to me. I am glad she is living her best life and she got to set the record straight about her time on the bachelor and bachelorette, but I can't say she has lived an interesting enough life to make this book inspirational or even entertaining.
Looks like Rachel is done with the franchise. This memoir was a "I'm about to set the record straight" for the those who religiously follow the drama known as the Bachelor and Bachelorette.
While I didn't watch her show, this show always felt contrived so I wasn't interested. But there was enough tv coverage that I knew some of the issues Rachel Lindsay had with her portrayal. I also saw some of the vitriol spewed her way after Rachel had the exchange with Chris Harrison following Matt James ridiculous season. I was glad to read Rachel's story from her own point of view but she also presented as haughty to me. I am glad she is living her best life and she got to set the record straight about her time on the bachelor and bachelorette, but I can't say she has lived an interesting enough life to make this book inspirational or even entertaining.
February 28, 2022
Really enjoyed this.
I was not and am not a Bachelor or Bachelorette girl, however, I DID watch the Black Bachelorette season because I was curious about why someone who seemed similar to girls I knew: Black middle to upper class, from Texas/the Big XII, well-adjusted, not desperate would go on a show just to find someone to marry. I obviously wanted her to win (however she defined winning) and found myself confounded and enthralled as she navigated trying to find love in the hopeless place of reality TV and I tried to understand the conceit of the show.
As a casual Rachel Lindsay fan, this memoir was good!
It complicated the person I imagined her to be based on…tv editing and totally revealed a funny, messy, human who fought and did the work to become the woman she is today.
So many of the scenes from her life rhymed with experiences I had growing up whether that was navigating purity culture in the Bible Belt, finding your people at a Big XII PWI, dating guys you shouldn’t, and so much more.
Her dissection of the Bachelor/ette franchise in an analytical way helped me think about the series as not just junk food, but a really important cultural business that can perpetuate or disrupt societal narratives about love, desirability, attraction, amongst other things.
I was not and am not a Bachelor or Bachelorette girl, however, I DID watch the Black Bachelorette season because I was curious about why someone who seemed similar to girls I knew: Black middle to upper class, from Texas/the Big XII, well-adjusted, not desperate would go on a show just to find someone to marry. I obviously wanted her to win (however she defined winning) and found myself confounded and enthralled as she navigated trying to find love in the hopeless place of reality TV and I tried to understand the conceit of the show.
As a casual Rachel Lindsay fan, this memoir was good!
It complicated the person I imagined her to be based on…tv editing and totally revealed a funny, messy, human who fought and did the work to become the woman she is today.
So many of the scenes from her life rhymed with experiences I had growing up whether that was navigating purity culture in the Bible Belt, finding your people at a Big XII PWI, dating guys you shouldn’t, and so much more.
Her dissection of the Bachelor/ette franchise in an analytical way helped me think about the series as not just junk food, but a really important cultural business that can perpetuate or disrupt societal narratives about love, desirability, attraction, amongst other things.
November 26, 2022
If you’ve watched the Bachelor or Bachelorette before, run - don’t walk - to your nearest bookstore for this book!
Miss Me With That by Rachel Lindsay (who is many things, including the first Black Bachelorette) was an honest, open, and fun read!
Lindsay touches on her life experiences throughout the book and gives advice based on what she’s learned. She didn’t hold back in sharing the mistakes that she made, and it made me feel like I was talking to a friend rather than reading a book.
The most poignant parts of the book for me were how she talked about finding her true self as a black woman after going to a predominantly white school growing up and how the Bachelor franchise treated her as a result of her race in both seasons she was on. I know that the Bachelor franchise has not been good at showing diversity or diverse love stories, but a lot of her BTS tidbits really made me question their motives in “helping” people find their true love.
I learned a lot from Lindsay’s perspective on those experiences and really all of her stories, and I think this book is great for anyone who wants to learn more about her life; but it’s especially good for anyone in Bachelor nation because it peels back some of the “fairytale” aura around the show.
(I was a big Peter Kraus fan when her season aired, but now I’m team #Rachel&Bryan all the way!)
Miss Me With That by Rachel Lindsay (who is many things, including the first Black Bachelorette) was an honest, open, and fun read!
Lindsay touches on her life experiences throughout the book and gives advice based on what she’s learned. She didn’t hold back in sharing the mistakes that she made, and it made me feel like I was talking to a friend rather than reading a book.
The most poignant parts of the book for me were how she talked about finding her true self as a black woman after going to a predominantly white school growing up and how the Bachelor franchise treated her as a result of her race in both seasons she was on. I know that the Bachelor franchise has not been good at showing diversity or diverse love stories, but a lot of her BTS tidbits really made me question their motives in “helping” people find their true love.
I learned a lot from Lindsay’s perspective on those experiences and really all of her stories, and I think this book is great for anyone who wants to learn more about her life; but it’s especially good for anyone in Bachelor nation because it peels back some of the “fairytale” aura around the show.
(I was a big Peter Kraus fan when her season aired, but now I’m team #Rachel&Bryan all the way!)
February 21, 2022
Rachel ran so that Tayshia and Michelle could fly!! And if you have no idea who these ladies are, I kind of think you should. I admire Rachel’s bravery and this book gave me perspective about her choices and experiences that I wasn’t expecting. I only started watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette during her season and I feel like her book is necessary for anyone who wants to watch a season or two. I saw so much of myself in this book, but I also found it to be enlightening and full of sass. I loved it and I’m rooting for her in all that she does!
February 3, 2022
Huge fan of Rachel and her podcast Higher Learning. Loved learning about her life pre-Bachelor, something we only get glimpses of on the podcast. Fascinating to hear about her season from her perspective, especially the details about what production controls. Favorite essay of the book was “A Nation of double standards.”
March 31, 2023
Granted, I don’t watch this franchise. But I was bored out of my mind. Also kind of confused on how someone grows up in the Oak Cliff area and comes away with the ideas of race and identity that she did.
January 15, 2023
As an avid fan of the Bachelor who has struggled with the lack of diversity and respect for their BIPOC contestants, I loved hearing Big Rach’s perspective. Thank you for this book 🫶🏻
March 1, 2022
BIG Rachel Lindsay fan over here! She is a skilled writer and weaved through her life and accomplishments in addition to her messes expertly. She is an incredible person with an incredible story and I’m glad she wrote this book.
February 28, 2022
Admittedly, I am not a memoir girl or even a bachelor nation girl, but I’ve always liked Rachel. We have a similar career, and I love her energy. I wanted to check out her book, and I was pleased that she seemed to have a lot to say on many relatable topics, and some topics I needed a new perspective on. I enjoyed reading this and hearing the things she’s learned through her varied experiences on abs off the show. She does tackle some quite important topics in here, including racism and sexism.
August 24, 2022
I liked the chapters that talked about her time on the Bachelor and the Bachelorette, but those felt like only about 10% of the book. Everything up until then was some of the most heteronormative bullshit I’ve ever heard. Maybe if you’re a straight woman with “traditional” values looking for dating advice this is a good book for you. If you’re anybody else, it’s not worth it.
March 22, 2025
Rachel Lindsay has a powerful voice, and she uses it well. She calls out the blatant racism of the Bachelor series (which it's shocking that it actually has taken this long for someone to point out so publicly just how white-washed the contestants always are). The backstory she provides on the casting and filming of the series is also quite interesting; I imagine it's mostly Bachelor fans that pick up this memoir in the first place, but I do think it would be quite a trudge to read if I weren't a fan of the show, since so much of the book focuses on that part of it.
That being said, I was captivated the whole time. Lindsay says what needs to be said about white fragility and the burden often placed on her to solve the racial problems of the show. It was wild—in a bad way—to realize just how impertinent and racist the producers were, especially in purposely casting someone with a questionable racist history to be on Rachel's season. Seriously - setting up a racist situation just to draw in viewers and get some dramatic content is a low that even I wouldn't have expected from the producers.
Lindsay is smart and honest, and I really enjoyed her writing style. Her voice shines in the writing, and that's one of the most essential elements that makes a memoir genuine. I'm not sure if she meant for it to be labeled as feminist or not but for me this came across as a hugely important intersectional feminist memoir that draws attention to the dating experience of a Black woman who often faces both prejudice and fetishization, all for the color of her skin. It opens new perspectives that need to be discussed more and I felt that I learned a lot, reading her experience.
That being said, I was captivated the whole time. Lindsay says what needs to be said about white fragility and the burden often placed on her to solve the racial problems of the show. It was wild—in a bad way—to realize just how impertinent and racist the producers were, especially in purposely casting someone with a questionable racist history to be on Rachel's season. Seriously - setting up a racist situation just to draw in viewers and get some dramatic content is a low that even I wouldn't have expected from the producers.
Lindsay is smart and honest, and I really enjoyed her writing style. Her voice shines in the writing, and that's one of the most essential elements that makes a memoir genuine. I'm not sure if she meant for it to be labeled as feminist or not but for me this came across as a hugely important intersectional feminist memoir that draws attention to the dating experience of a Black woman who often faces both prejudice and fetishization, all for the color of her skin. It opens new perspectives that need to be discussed more and I felt that I learned a lot, reading her experience.
January 25, 2026
It was so nice revisiting one of my favorite people from Bachelor nation and hearing about her story. Rachel’s was the first season of the bachelor/bachelorette I had ever watched which launched me into an obsession in my 20’s. I was a listener of her podcast, Higher Learning, for a long time until my obsession switched to audiobooks. However, current events paired with revisiting Rachel and what she has to say have both inspired me to tune in again.
Her memoir delivers what is promised: Rachel’s dating history, her time on both shows with behind the scenes information, and a call to action on the social justice matters that are important to her and close to her heart. It should be no surprise that her audiobook narration was 10/10 given her media presence. But she also included so much personality and heart which made the entire listening experience very enjoyable.
Her memoir delivers what is promised: Rachel’s dating history, her time on both shows with behind the scenes information, and a call to action on the social justice matters that are important to her and close to her heart. It should be no surprise that her audiobook narration was 10/10 given her media presence. But she also included so much personality and heart which made the entire listening experience very enjoyable.
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April 14, 2022This book isn’t amazingly written or anything, it’s truly just a straightforward sharing of the timeline of her life and relationships/love, some behind the scenes intel on her bachelor/bachelorette experience and feelings about the show, and her career evolution. I didn’t LOVE it, but I like Rachel and enjoyed it well enough. Hers is one of 2 seasons of this franchise I’ve ever watched - I couldn’t bring myself to keep watching others partly because I don’t usually enjoy love-based reality tv and partly because of so many problems with the franchise - I appreciate she names/calls out many of those problems!
September 28, 2022
4.5 ⭐️ If you know me, you know I love Rachel Lindsay! I loved her openness in telling her story and admitting her mistakes. I really love her ability to reflect on those experiences and how she applied the lessons she learned to create the life she wants. The book gave a super interesting recap of her life, some insight on bachelor stuff I was curious about, and wisdom on relationships that I will definitely pocket :)
February 2, 2022
This was fabulous and exactly what I wanted - a Rachel Lindsay perspective on life while sharing dating history and time with the Bachelor franchise. I have been a Rachel Lindsay fangirl ever since she appeared on Nick's season and I requested her book immediately as soon as it appeared on my library's Overdrive app. I was not disappointed.
I'm sure most people will read her book just to find the juicy gossip from the Bachelor franchise. Sure, I'm interested in that too, but I knew Rachel would have so much more to say than mere gossip and her take on various things - from her role in past relationships to Becca Kufrin being the exception, not the rule to exposing the racist fandom of Bachelor Nation - was refreshing. She presented herself as the person I've come to listen to and respect over the past few years and she reminded me of my own privilege by simply being a white member of Bachelor Nation and having the ability to ignore some of the microaggressions that have presented themselves in various seasons. Actually, forget microaggressions - the producers cast a flat out racist as a prospective suitor for her and also cast some men (both Black and white) who didn't date Black women. I understand wanting to cast people who will cause drama for a reality TV show, but that's over the line. It's no wonder she didn't feel safe in an environment that intentionally put her with men that didn't see her.
I digress.
I loved this book because it was both entertaining and educational. I know that I'm going to continue watching The Bachelor. I enjoy the show and always have. However, it's up to the people who make up its fanbase to call out problematic behavior and support the work of the people who do.
A Rachel Lindsay fangirl I remain.
I'm sure most people will read her book just to find the juicy gossip from the Bachelor franchise. Sure, I'm interested in that too, but I knew Rachel would have so much more to say than mere gossip and her take on various things - from her role in past relationships to Becca Kufrin being the exception, not the rule to exposing the racist fandom of Bachelor Nation - was refreshing. She presented herself as the person I've come to listen to and respect over the past few years and she reminded me of my own privilege by simply being a white member of Bachelor Nation and having the ability to ignore some of the microaggressions that have presented themselves in various seasons. Actually, forget microaggressions - the producers cast a flat out racist as a prospective suitor for her and also cast some men (both Black and white) who didn't date Black women. I understand wanting to cast people who will cause drama for a reality TV show, but that's over the line. It's no wonder she didn't feel safe in an environment that intentionally put her with men that didn't see her.
I digress.
I loved this book because it was both entertaining and educational. I know that I'm going to continue watching The Bachelor. I enjoy the show and always have. However, it's up to the people who make up its fanbase to call out problematic behavior and support the work of the people who do.
A Rachel Lindsay fangirl I remain.
April 12, 2022
Highly recommend listening to this via audiobook! She narrates it herself and it’s really great. Loved this memoir. Definitely one of my favorite reads this year!
February 24, 2022
I liked this book so much. I did not even plan on reading this book but received it as a gift, and it's one of my favourites that I've read this year.
I, like everyone, first was introduced to Rachel Lindsay when she was on The Bachelor and subsequently The Bachelorette. So it was nice to go back and learn more about her and her past that ultimately led her to where she is today.
The chapter "Clarity and Closure" in particular was very illuminating, confirming things that many of us have already suspected about reality TV. The first is that we have to remember that 90% of the show is fake and that producers do a lot for the sake of "entertainment." Lindsay dug into all of that here and how they used her being the first black bachelorette to their benefit, completely disregarding her wants and needs in her journey to find love.
The chapter "From Charity to Change" as well where Lindsay speaks on the events of 2020 and the killings of innocent black people and how seemingly, many white people "woke up" to racism in 2020… 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 amazing. She also used the chapter to call out members of Bachelor Nation who blame her for messing up with the show with her calls for diversity. I also like how the chapter ended: "Turn the page because I have time today."
Also, in the next chapter following, "For those of you who might be hate-skimming this book in the bookstore: I dare you to read this chapter in its entirety. Don't expect any attempts to win you over. If you're set on disliking me, it might as well be the real me and not some angry Black bitch stereotype you've subconsciously and overtly ascribed to." Yes, Rachel. YES.
Overall, this book has that good quality where you want to keep turning the pages and reading long into the night—filled with wit, realism, and laughs. If you're a fan of the Bachelor shows or not, you should read this book.
I, like everyone, first was introduced to Rachel Lindsay when she was on The Bachelor and subsequently The Bachelorette. So it was nice to go back and learn more about her and her past that ultimately led her to where she is today.
The chapter "Clarity and Closure" in particular was very illuminating, confirming things that many of us have already suspected about reality TV. The first is that we have to remember that 90% of the show is fake and that producers do a lot for the sake of "entertainment." Lindsay dug into all of that here and how they used her being the first black bachelorette to their benefit, completely disregarding her wants and needs in her journey to find love.
The chapter "From Charity to Change" as well where Lindsay speaks on the events of 2020 and the killings of innocent black people and how seemingly, many white people "woke up" to racism in 2020… 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 amazing. She also used the chapter to call out members of Bachelor Nation who blame her for messing up with the show with her calls for diversity. I also like how the chapter ended: "Turn the page because I have time today."
Also, in the next chapter following, "For those of you who might be hate-skimming this book in the bookstore: I dare you to read this chapter in its entirety. Don't expect any attempts to win you over. If you're set on disliking me, it might as well be the real me and not some angry Black bitch stereotype you've subconsciously and overtly ascribed to." Yes, Rachel. YES.
Overall, this book has that good quality where you want to keep turning the pages and reading long into the night—filled with wit, realism, and laughs. If you're a fan of the Bachelor shows or not, you should read this book.
March 12, 2022
I didn’t have high expectations for Miss Me with That. I’ve been been burned by celebrity memoirs before and figured I should just expect to get some good Bachelor Nation tea. Rachel Lindsay gave sooo much more!
First of all, it’s incredibly well-written. Lindsay writes like a woman who understood the assignment. Every story told us relevant and her insights were often thought provoking.
Content wise, I wasn’t expecting her to get into detail about her past relationships with men, race, and career, but I’m so glad she did. The book winds up being a safe space for other Black marginalized genders who are also navigating the intersection of race + love + society.
By the time she gets to her tenure with Bachelor nation I was already hooked on the direction her life was taking. There wasn’t a lot of surprises in the experiences she shared with ABC, but it was definitely disappointing to read about the challenges she was forced to navigate with a white institution that had no care about what it meant to be The First in a franchise that coddles racism.
Overall it’s an amazing read that kept me intrigued.
First of all, it’s incredibly well-written. Lindsay writes like a woman who understood the assignment. Every story told us relevant and her insights were often thought provoking.
Content wise, I wasn’t expecting her to get into detail about her past relationships with men, race, and career, but I’m so glad she did. The book winds up being a safe space for other Black marginalized genders who are also navigating the intersection of race + love + society.
By the time she gets to her tenure with Bachelor nation I was already hooked on the direction her life was taking. There wasn’t a lot of surprises in the experiences she shared with ABC, but it was definitely disappointing to read about the challenges she was forced to navigate with a white institution that had no care about what it meant to be The First in a franchise that coddles racism.
Overall it’s an amazing read that kept me intrigued.
June 5, 2022
“one of the hardest yet most powerful things we can do for ourselves is overcome the assumption that everything worth having in life requires a struggle.”
i’ve been eagerly anticipating miss me with that since rachel lindsay’s essay for new york magazine last year, and it did not disappoint. this was an honest, vulnerable memoir that covered a lot of ground, from rachel’s childhood to her relationships and career before the bachelor to her time with the franchise and life afterward.
you don’t need to be a bachelor viewer to appreciate rachel’s insight and humor, but as a longtime fan i loved how frank she was about the issues within the franchise and its fanbase. while i think certain parts could have been trimmed down, the entire book was characteristically candid and well-written.
thank you to netgalley for the arc!
rating: 4.0/5.0 stars
February 15, 2023
Absolutely loved this book (especially the audiobook and listening to Rachel read it) She talks a lot about her past and how it shaped her and it was very insightful!
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