Refined

by Tracie Breaux

Tracie was fifteen when she ran away from an abusive father. At the end of her first day of freedom, she was running from two men with a rope. Blazing through the forest, she felt the papers in her shoes she had spent years scribbling her hopes and dreams on. Since the age of eight, she had written down her dreams, trusting the words would rewrite her future. Every day after school she sprinted-shoes full of hope-to the local oil refinery, gawking through fence fabric at the flickering lights, as though they were beacons of promise. Her father was distrustful of other men, so public life was limited for Tracie. The windows inside the home were tacked with trash bags to block out any view of her mother. Violence permeated inside the home. Accusations were made daily. When Tracie was old enough, she grabbed a bag and left. That night two men watched her make camp in a forest and tried to capture her, but she escaped. The two men chasing her frightened her so much, she scrambled into a school the next morning for help. Tracie was placed in foster care with a loving family. The words in her shoes were coming to life. As an adult, she questioned her father's violent nature, so she sent off a tube of bubbling saliva to a DNA test site, hoping for answers. She was connected to dozens of relatives she never knew existed, grilling them for answers. She ended up going down a hole as deep and winding as a rabbit's warren. She discovered many twists, including the murder of her great-grandfather. Violence was handed down to each generation of males like an Olympic torch. Refined is a testament to the strength of young women, a heartbreaking coming-of-age story, and a surprising twist of DNA patterns handed down systematically from generation to generation. With words that are rich with life, Breaux has crafted a story that reminds us that we are forever shaped by our ancestors, and each of us has the power to refine our future into something beautiful.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Ebooks, Abuse, Biography Memoir

269 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 2, 2022

About the author

Tracie Breaux is an American author. Born in Louisiana to a father who raged against other men, she found herself a foot soldier in his bizarre world of jealousy. She spent her days walking and hoping for a way out of the oppression he forced on his family. She was fifteen when she ran away from home, and after her first taste of freedom, spent the next decade pushing herself forward.

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Reviews

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

My thanks to the author, Tracie Breaux, and the publisher, Deacon & Roth, for my ecopy of this memoir. This book was received through a Goodreads Giveaway.
This book is the chronicle of the young and tortured life at the hands of a dysfunctional and uncaring family. She survived terrible abuse, spent time on a mental ward and missed formative time in high school. Her story of success despite this inauspicious beginning is inspiring and hopeful for the many others in similar situations. This can be a tough read for those triggered by such stories but well worth the time.

[Brandi Gauthier · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was captivated and moved by this powerful memoir. The author, born to teenagers, grew up in an abusive family in Arkansas and Louisiana, the oldest child. She was forced to keep watch on her mother, due to her father's mistrust of other men. Her dad tacked trash bags on their windows so other people couldn't see in. He "saw men everywhere." Her childhood is affected over and over by her father's violent and erratic behavior. She often hid near the oil refinery near her home.

As Tracie gets into her preteen and teen years, her father becomes fixated on her. In response to this, she runs away at the age of fifteen. Her first night, two men chase her with a rope. She is so frightened by this, she walks into a school in another town and asks for help. She becomes a ward of the state. The memoir becomes a story of her becoming strong---to believe she can push past the bullies in her life.

I've struggled with my past, of people not believing me, and I well know the feeling that the author has. One line, "the greatest gift I gave myself was forgiving those who wronged me", resonated with me. When you allow others to define you who are and don't forgive them, you allow them to still control you---Tracie Breaux is able to write about this so powerfully I was crying at points.

I hope this book gets wide readership. It's an amazing glimpse into a way of life that most of us will never know, and an inspiring story of one woman's ability to be refined into a strong, vibrant woman who wants to change the world.

This book was given to me as an ARC by NetGalley for my honest opinion.

[Amy Hayes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an absolutely riveting book that I couldn’t put down until finally I had finished it late into the night. The author grew up in an abusive home, while secretly putting slips of paper in her shoes with her hopes and dreams on them, as an effort to walk in faith and believe she could get out of her situation. As I read the book, I cheered her on.

This book reminded me of Educated. The author has beautiful prose, and even though she writes about the abuse, the inspirational ending is well worth the read.

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

started out great, but got preachy at the end.

I enjoyed the first 2/3 of this, but the end left me flat. The end was about how the main character pulled herself out of Poverty, but it was a completely different writing style and was too preachy for me.

[Eunice R · Rating 4 out of 5]

If one has grown up in a home with even a modicum of love and good care, it will be very difficult to conceive of a home where gross lack of loving care, and severe abuse is the order of each and every single day and night. Tracie tells her story in this memoir where she literally walked on papers of hope and longing to help her live from day to day. Hers is rather a horror story, made more horror-filled because it is true; it was her surreal reality.

Towards the end of her memoir, after she had become an adult and sifted through her nightmare of childhood events, Tracie says that the "single greatest gift she could give herself was to forgive" all those who had harmed her, especially her Dad. This really blew me away. Such a strength of mind, will and character to come forth and say and act so. It is a wonder. I need to learn from this.

As you can imagine, this was not an easy book to read. If it had been fiction we could easily overlook it but, no, it's real, true-life happenings. Those who have been traumatized by family violence will most likely be able to relate and may even be helped and encouraged by Tracie's story, and have courage to overcome. I hope so. Those of us who would be foreigners to such hate-filled living may gain some insight and hopefully some compassion and empathy for those we may know who have been, or who still are, being so wickedly mistreated. May all such victims of evil be able to find their way of escape and refinement.

~Eunice C., Reviewer/Blogger~

February 2022

Disclaimer: This is my honest opinion based on the complimentary review copy sent by NetGalley and the publisher.

[Patsy Simon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book about a girl whose childhood was near an oil refinery, living in a narrow, hostile world created by her paranoid father. A riveting account of growing up in a world where violence is part of every day life, and the emotional toll that takes on a child, to the incredible potent power of planning your own escape . If you grew up in a dysfunctional family or been gaslighted you will find in Tracie Breaux a true kindred spirit.

It's about the unimaginable toll of a lifetime of mental and physical abuse, of being denied not just childhood, but a sense of self; of how the people we love can try to destroy us by taking away our sense of identity, and how hard it is, but vital, to fight back.

Brilliant book. Wouldn't be surprised if it's the best thing I read this year.

This book was given to me as an ARC by the publisher in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Therese Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A broken family. A broken system. Strong dreams written on a slip of paper and secreted in a young girl’s shoe to keep her moving forward.

This was a recent Goodreads win and a very heartbreaking and inspirational memoir. If you’re fascinated by The Glass Castle and Educated, this is another tale of a young woman who succeeded despite all the odds of having a batshit crazy family and a dangerously abusive (emotionally, physically, and sexually) father.

It’s harrowing. It’s depressing. But ultimately so heartening and uplifting to read about this kind of resilience, growth, insight, and spirit.

This is a goodreads giveaway win.

[Maribeth Thornton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow!

What a story. The trauma and abuse Tracie, her mother and siblings endured was so heartbreaking Tracie, you are an amazing woman who is strong and resilient and have committed to help others. Bravo: badass woman

[Paige · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this e-book as a part of a Goodreads giveaway. My rating for memoirs is based solely on my enjoyment of the book - the experience, the writing, the flow, etc. I don’t think it’s right for me to provide feedback, negative or positive, on the documentation of someone’s real life story.

[Nicole Franchino · Rating 4 out of 5]

efined || Tracie Breaux || 4 ⭐️

Refined is a captivating memoir about a young woman’s escape from her abusive family. Tracie Breaux had me hooked from the beginning and her journey was both heartbreaking and inspirational.

As someone who works in education, this was a great reminder to remember that things may not always be as they appear with students and to educate with trauma based instruction in mind.

This was a phenomenal memoir over all, but there were some points in the story where she flashed forward which made it a little difficult for me to track initially but once I figured out her flow it was much easier. Highly recommend!


I received this book in a GoodReads giveaway in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Michelle Kidwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Refined
by Tracie Breaux
Pub Date 02 May 2022 | Archive Date 14 May 2022
Deacon & Roth, Independent Book Publishers Association (IBPA), Members' Titles
Biographies & Memoirs | Christian | Nonfiction (Adult)



I am reviewing a copy of Refined through Deacon &Roth, Independent Book Publishers Association and Netgalley:




At fifteen Tracie ran away from her abusive father. By the end of her first day of freedom she was running away from two men with a rope. Racing through the Forest, she felt the papers in her shoes she had spent years scribbling her hopes and dreams on. Since the age of eight, she had written down her dreams, trusting the words would rewrite her future.


Every day after school she sprinted-shoes full of hope-to the local oil refinery, gawking through fence fabric at the flickering lights, as though they were beacons of promise.Her father was distrustful of other men, so public life was limited for Tracie. The windows inside the home were tacked with trash bags to block out any view of her mother. Violence permeated inside the home. Accusations were made daily.


When Tracie was old enough she grabbed a bag and left. That night two men watched her make camp in a forest and tried to capture her, but she escaped. The two men chasing her frightened her so much, she scrambled into a school the next morning for help. Tracie was placed in foster care with a loving family. The words in her shoes were coming to life.


When Tracie was an adult she grabbed a bag and left. That night two men watched her make camp in a forest and tried to capture her, but she escaped. The two men chasing her frightened her so much, she scrambled into a school the next morning for help. Tracie was placed in foster care with a loving family. The words in her shoes were coming to life.



Refined is a testament to the strength of young women, a heartbreaking coming-of-age story, and a surprising twist of DNA patterns handed down systematically from generation to generation. With words that are rich with life.



I give Refined five out of five stars!



Happy Reading!

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 - incredible story of family trauma, a little lower rating due to the writing.

[Rosanne Randall · Rating 5 out of 5]

For those who have ever been touched by abuse or lived with a parent who has Borderline Personality Disorder, or experienced a parent who refused to acknowledge or protect you (or both simultaneously as a family unit) this book is a shocking jolt of reality. The feelings are difficult to describe when you are living the reality, and almost paralyzing as a reader to understand that someone else felt every feeling you did, and experienced the same things you did... and knows the creeping and indescribable loneliness of not fitting anywhere and not knowing why. Of not knowing what love is, because no one showed you, and not realizing your experiences and reactions to the world weren't "normal;" you just didn't have anything else to compare it to, so fear, paranoia, overwhelming feelings of worthlessness, and watching other family members, more poignantly siblings, treat your parents like trash but garner all the love and attention you crave and not being able to sort out the equation for why.

This book/author delves into the chaos that unfolds as a result of this kind of up brings, and the lifetime and lingering impacts it has on people. One of the things that hit home the most for me was how the parent pitted siblings against each other to always control the situation. The second thing that really hit home for me is how the younger sibling had a completely different experience with their parent(s) because the older sibling both shielded them from so much of the abuse and because they bore so much of the abuse themselves and acted as the protector for the younger ones, so when it came time for their upbringing (the younger sibling) they were literally raised by a different parent/standard. So while the children could come from the exact same parents, their experiences could not have been more different!
I have tried to explain this so much, but it never resonates with those around me. I am the crazy one too (so was this author).
While this book was a difficult read, from the perspective of someone who has endured trauma, it was also incredibly comforting to know that, even though we've never met, we are not alone.
Much like Ms. Tracie, I too, do as much as I can for others so they do not suffer like I did.

[C.C. Brody · Rating 4 out of 5]

Refined definitely grabbed my attention. Tracie’s story is so compelling that I stayed up into the night to read it in one sitting and to bear witness to her testimony.

The tone of the book changes quite a bit at the end. It’s as if her teenage self wrote the story itself, and her adult self wrote the reflection at the end. Both were interesting and worth the read, just different to the point of being a bit disjointed.

I’m so grateful to have gotten this as a Goodreads Giveaway and am glad I got to know Tracie’s story.

[Kasia Hubbard · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's always hard to rate a book that is filled with violence and human ugliness, and yet, the thread of hope, courage, endurance, resilience, and promise that spurned the author on also ignites within you as you keep turning the pages to see their journey come to a point where they've escaped. What a story. What an incredibly brave woman. Even after all this has happened to her, she continues to try to find answers, no matter how hard and incredibly hurtful they have become, she moves on with hopes and dreams written on shreds of paper stuffed in her shoes. Bravo Brave One. The human spirit will not be crushed nor destroyed.

*I received a copy of this book from NetGalley. This review is my own opinion*

[Barbara Berry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tracie Breaux’s harrowing story of her upbringing by an abusive father and mother is compelling. She describes a mentally, physically and sexually abusive father and a moth3r that would not protect her. She eventually runs away only to be put into numerous foster care homes that were not much better. She survives to find love and searches to figure out why her father and mother treated her so horribly. By researching her father’s background, she realizes abuse and violence goes back generations in his family. Tracie rises above it all and heals as an adult. I wish she had been able to mend her relationship with her brother. Quite a life.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tracie Breaux, your memoir spoke to me. Your bravery, strength, and love jumped out to me. My favorite pasaage, "Flawed people have paths to forge. They are brave. Decisions have to be made. The earth has to rumble beneath their feet. The girl in me had a path to blaze, and she jumped over every obstacle, ran like the wind, and fought like the Devil to get to where she needed to be."

Growing up in a loving, and supportive family I never considered my parents love as a luxury. It's simply was my life. My parents fostered children, and adopted my brother. There was plenty of love, and care for anyone who came into our home. I am not naive, I am aware of the system many foster children suffer through. However, I am proud my parents provided a safe haven.

Refined, is defined as the removal of impurities through a process. Additionally, as developed, and improved. This is a beautiful sentiment describing Tracie, and her personal life journey.

Thank you for sharing your story Tracie and Goodreads for the ARC.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gripping

I’m not sure how anyone with a past like the author’s, is able to thrive. Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse make up the majority of her memories growing up. Running away and being placed in foster care, was only a tad better. How can we, as a society, let this happen to children? Because, while this happened to the author in the 70s, some children are living this nightmare today. I don’t know what the answer is.

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting story

In the beginning I couldn’t put it down. Tracie’s story is so sad, but inspiring in so many ways. As the story goes on and follows Tracie from childhood to adulthood, the read becomes very repetitive. Making the same statements over and over in different ways. It is a great story but very hard to keep reading toward the end. Congrats to Tracie for surviving and thriving.

[Mtzlplk · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had a tough time reading this book because of personal experiences. I have a dear friend that was put into foster care around the age of 3 and was in 15 different foster homes until she ran away at 17 and was never caught. A lot of this resonated strongly with me. Oddly enough I didn't realize it was a true story until the end! I kept thinking it was very realistic, personal stories but just thought the author did a great job of telling the story well. I'm not surprised at all that it was a memoir, it almost had to be from someone that was caught in the system.
Everything about the book is gritty and tough. I'm delighted that the author became her own success story although it annoys me that she continued to bemoan the lack of family love throughout. There are a couple of paragraphs that look almost like a cut and paste job. The same complaint, the same longing for something she never had in the first place.
It's a good read, but definitely not something you will take lightly. Even for someone like me that had zero interaction with the foster care system, other than the stories told by my friend, it made me want to jump up and do something. Not sure what, just something to try and make things better. Tracie Breaux, if you are reading this I say Bravo to you. You had a tough time in the early years but you now have a loving husband and a child you can slather all that love upon. Well done ma'am. Very well done indeed.

[Dalia Kane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m not crying, you’re crying 🥹

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

A tough life, well told

In this memoir, Tracie Breaux tells of her abusive childhood and teen years dispassionately but not without emotion. The oldest of three children born into a poor Louisiana family, she was often the target of her father’s abuse as he used her to spy on her mother because his paranoid fantasies led him to believe that “other men” were always with her or after her. She witnessed her father beating her mother and her younger brother. Her father also sexually abused her. Yet when her baby sister came along unexpectedly several years after Tracie and her brother, she was petted and spoiled, given everything, and never so much as spanked. At 15, Tracie ran away and ended up in foster care. That started out to be better but soon deteriorated, although she did eventually find a family that cared about her. Although her spirit remained unbroken, it wasn’t until she aged out of foster care that she began to find herself and decide who she really was going to be.

Parts of this book made me shudder. Her descriptions of the physical and emotional abuse she was subjected to are horrifying. She doesn’t go into detail about the sexual abuse, fortunately. And it’s a pretty damning indictment of the foster care system, which seems to be much the same everywhere from what I have been told. She doesn’t hold herself unaccountable either for her own mistakes. It’s a hard read but a good one.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

May contain spoilers.

Oh man, what a book. My heart broke for Tracie over and over. Raised by a seeming paranoid schizophrenic child molester father and an uncaring narcissist mother. Regarding her experience with her foster mother Kate: the onus was on Kate, the adult, to make her intentions clear. Instead, she expected a teen girl to both befriend and supervise another troubled teen girl. As a result, Tracie ended up being shunned. I was angered at her social worker for putting her into an adult mental Institution for no real reason. I was struck by her thoughts of moving closer to her parents, her sexual predator father, with her child. I guess it's a trauma bond but thankfully, it didn't work out. I wish she had ended ALL contact with her parents as an adult as that would have been best for her, in my opinion. People like her parents never change.

While my childhood was nothing like this, I do know what it's like to be a child who is loved less.

Excellent read. I would love to know how her brother is faring.

[Kayleigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this book from a giveaway and was unsure what I was in for when I started to read it. This journey was amazing and scary. It made me so mad, yet hopeful at the same time. I went through a lot of emotions during this story. I did not feel like the prologue was necessary, but overall I enjoyed the flow of the story. Overall, tt was an empowering story.

[Candace Kinard · Rating 5 out of 5]

In her memoir, Refined, Tracie Breaux chronicles her childhood with unconventional, detached, nonconforming, and neglectful parents. It would be hard to imagine a more dysfunctional family, more difficult circumstances for growing up, or two parents more ill-suited for parenting. The family is led by father Frankie, a jealous man who creates their home into a dark sanctuary where he is king. He also follows his wife to her jobs, trailing her in case she gives any men attention. Her mother, Linda , turns her back on the abuse of Tracie and her brother, choosing to spend her time reading frontier books than spending time with her abused children. Her ability to turn a blind eye to the abuse of her two oldest children, forces them to fend for themselves, emotionally and physically.

Tracie Breaux has a wonderful knack for storytelling. Her account is candid, yet at the same time she writes without judgment and with affection for the family she know longer speaks to. Amazingly, she finds explanation through deep research for her father's odd, dangerous behavior. Equally amazing, she forgives her parents for their obvious failings. Truly an astounding story.

[Lori Fomenko · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was captivated by this book from the first page. Abuse of children is heartbreaking. It should be discussed more frequently. We should all be looking for the signs of any kind of child abuse. Maybe this book will bring more awareness to the suffering some children experience.

[Michelle Kaufman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a wonderful, well-written book. I chose to read it because I was interested primarily in the author’s experience of being an entrepreneur, with no exposure of generational wealth. There was some exploration of this. However, the primary focus of the book was the author’s difficult and courageous struggle to deal with the abuse she suffered in childhood, and to rise above it. As a mental health professional who has treated trauma for many years, I can appreciate the clarity and honesty that the author used to describe her experiences of, and reactions to, her abuse. However, the descriptions of her emotional reactions and her traumatic experiences were so specific and accurate that it may be triggering to some who have experienced similar trauma in their family of origin. Bravo, Tracie, for writing this book and communicating so honestly about a topic that is not discussed enough. Readers with trauma histories, be cautious as you approach the material, but she approaches the subject with such beautiful prose, it's tones the effects. Overall, I loved the book.

[Shannon Darby · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author of this compelling memoir has survived an almost unimaginably harrowing childhood with a narcissistic father — seemingly suffering from untreated childhood trauma with overtones of borderline personality disorder — who was dangerously possessive of his wife and obsessed with his oldest daughter. The author, Tracie, was also burdened with his sexual advances. Moreover, her mother turned a blind eye to the abuse, and allowed Tracie to enter into foster care. Once there, she was helped by different families to further her life in a positive direction. Her personal triumphs, despite the debilitating circumstances of her upbringing, are nothing short of truly inspiring. The author’s wonderfully vivid writing puts the reader right in the middle of the harrowing action. Quite simply, I could not put down this out while I was reading it and I will not forget it now that I’ve finished it.

[Jessie hastings · Rating 5 out of 5]

Compelling! Excellent work by Mrs. Breaux

I could not put this down. The memoirs, to word it in a refined term, are so engrossing I had to read it to its end way too soon. It is forlorn but it made me want to keep reading to its triumphant end. Highly recommend!

[Kathy Maloney · Rating 5 out of 5]

what a story

I read this memoir and I was pulled in from the beginning The story is compelling and the writing is wonderfully descriptive. It’s amazing to see the resilience of people who have come through trauma. The only part where I felt a dip was when the author rehashed old toxic relationships and even though she was ‘helping’ someone, it didn’t feel good to be pulled back in. I was rooting for her all along to free herself and give herself the worth she was looking for from outside or from others. She really reinvented herself and her story shows the real journey from surviving to thriving. Bravo! I would read more from this author.