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Tales Of Courtly Valour #1
Emerald Helm
Trouble in Paradise
When Launcelot and Guinevere fled from Camelot in their younger days, away from a vengeful Arthur intent on punishing the pair for their infidelity, neither expected life on the run to be easy. But they did not expect it to be boring, grey, and sameish, a repetitive hell that sees the couple at each others throats, when they care enough to address each other. When the promise of change arrives in their lives after two decades of isolation and despair, are they ready to-
*brap*
Who did that!? Who farted in the middle of the blurb!? Pee Wee, was it you? Damn it, Pee Wee!
Look, we've got fifteen tales for you, set in the Norse/Celtic/Arthurian world of the bawdy Avalon Cycle. From the aforementioned star-crossed lovers to a faery detective with a taste for a strange brew (milked from male unicorns), a very different retelling of the Grail Legend (including elder gods and a sex-fiend rusalka) and the weird theological goings-on in Asgard, Emerald Helm is the first installment in Tales Of Courtly Valour I, a misnomer of a title if there ever was one. Ain't nothing chivalrous about these knights, but this collection of short stories should make you laugh, or Bob's your uncle. No, that's not right.
And Bob's your uncle.
Get your copy of Andrew Marc Rowe's strange mix of fantasy, depravity, comedy, and existential thought today!
★★★★★
Warning: this is a series of bawdy tales – think a bunch of limerick jokes. In the pages that follow, you will find all manner of unexpected utterances, cursing, swearing, vulgarity, depravity, shagging, onanism, lewd acts, questionable table etiquette, and many of the other kinds of things that some human beings tend to find funny. If you do not count yourself a part of such sophisticated company, perhaps this is not your book. But if your funny bone be tickled by such material, have I got some stories for you…
When Launcelot and Guinevere fled from Camelot in their younger days, away from a vengeful Arthur intent on punishing the pair for their infidelity, neither expected life on the run to be easy. But they did not expect it to be boring, grey, and sameish, a repetitive hell that sees the couple at each others throats, when they care enough to address each other. When the promise of change arrives in their lives after two decades of isolation and despair, are they ready to-
*brap*
Who did that!? Who farted in the middle of the blurb!? Pee Wee, was it you? Damn it, Pee Wee!
Look, we've got fifteen tales for you, set in the Norse/Celtic/Arthurian world of the bawdy Avalon Cycle. From the aforementioned star-crossed lovers to a faery detective with a taste for a strange brew (milked from male unicorns), a very different retelling of the Grail Legend (including elder gods and a sex-fiend rusalka) and the weird theological goings-on in Asgard, Emerald Helm is the first installment in Tales Of Courtly Valour I, a misnomer of a title if there ever was one. Ain't nothing chivalrous about these knights, but this collection of short stories should make you laugh, or Bob's your uncle. No, that's not right.
And Bob's your uncle.
Get your copy of Andrew Marc Rowe's strange mix of fantasy, depravity, comedy, and existential thought today!
★★★★★
Warning: this is a series of bawdy tales – think a bunch of limerick jokes. In the pages that follow, you will find all manner of unexpected utterances, cursing, swearing, vulgarity, depravity, shagging, onanism, lewd acts, questionable table etiquette, and many of the other kinds of things that some human beings tend to find funny. If you do not count yourself a part of such sophisticated company, perhaps this is not your book. But if your funny bone be tickled by such material, have I got some stories for you…
- GenresFiction
230 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 1, 2022
3 people are currently reading
24 people want to read
About the author
Andrew Marc Rowe
22 books48 followersFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/andrewmarcrowe
Twitter: https://twitter.com/YeOldeBawdyBard
Born and raised in St. John's, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada, Andrew Marc Rowe had no idea that the human psyche and the nature of reality were going to end up as his prime fascinations in life. Perhaps he had more than an inkling that he would wake up one morning as a jock doing sports things, given his penchant for nerdiness like mythology and fantasy and science fiction, but matters of the spirit and philosophy were the furthest things from his mind as an adolescent. More his speed were the most puerile and juvenile expressions of toilet and sexual humour offered up on silver platters by stand-up comedians and nascent Internet peeps.
People grow up, though, or so Andrew has been told. His interests expanded, limited world views were shattered, horizons increased in scope. Mental health problems became intractable, psychedelic medicines and following one’s dreams were recognized for their curative powers. Atheism became raving pantheism became ‘wrong question, dude’ as Andrew found himself no longer young enough to know everything or believe anything. Instead, he finds himself writing characters who think they know everything.
If you really want to stroke Andrew’s ego, tell him you’ve never read anything like his work before. It makes his writing nearly impossible to market but at least I’ve got chicken, as young Leroy Jenkins once proclaimed to a bunch of nerds in the mid-aughts.
What’s that? You want bog-standard biographical info? Lawyer, father of one, man nearing middle age who gets his jollies pushing and bending and licking the literary envelope.
Happy?
Twitter: https://twitter.com/YeOldeBawdyBard
Born and raised in St. John's, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada, Andrew Marc Rowe had no idea that the human psyche and the nature of reality were going to end up as his prime fascinations in life. Perhaps he had more than an inkling that he would wake up one morning as a jock doing sports things, given his penchant for nerdiness like mythology and fantasy and science fiction, but matters of the spirit and philosophy were the furthest things from his mind as an adolescent. More his speed were the most puerile and juvenile expressions of toilet and sexual humour offered up on silver platters by stand-up comedians and nascent Internet peeps.
People grow up, though, or so Andrew has been told. His interests expanded, limited world views were shattered, horizons increased in scope. Mental health problems became intractable, psychedelic medicines and following one’s dreams were recognized for their curative powers. Atheism became raving pantheism became ‘wrong question, dude’ as Andrew found himself no longer young enough to know everything or believe anything. Instead, he finds himself writing characters who think they know everything.
If you really want to stroke Andrew’s ego, tell him you’ve never read anything like his work before. It makes his writing nearly impossible to market but at least I’ve got chicken, as young Leroy Jenkins once proclaimed to a bunch of nerds in the mid-aughts.
What’s that? You want bog-standard biographical info? Lawyer, father of one, man nearing middle age who gets his jollies pushing and bending and licking the literary envelope.
Happy?
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
October 25, 2020
Emerald Helm is quite the romp! From here to there, it snatches a little mythology from here and mixes it with stories and legends from there, with a huge handful of misbehaving thrown in for good measure. Not suggested for younger ears, but definitely very fun to read!
Thor has a spot here and King Arthur over there, and yet it, it melds together despite the origins. It has an overarching theme, pulled together with clever little pop culture points thrown in for good measure.
If you want something scandalously funny to read, I would start here!!
I received a free copy from the author and am volunteering an honest review for the benefit of others.
Thor has a spot here and King Arthur over there, and yet it, it melds together despite the origins. It has an overarching theme, pulled together with clever little pop culture points thrown in for good measure.
If you want something scandalously funny to read, I would start here!!
I received a free copy from the author and am volunteering an honest review for the benefit of others.
December 27, 2025
DNF at 42%; I just don't understand the point of it.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews