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Good and Beautiful and Kind: Becoming Whole in a Fractured World
ECPA BESTSELLER • An invitation to love like Jesus and step beyond distraction and division into the joy we long to experience—from the author of The Deeply Formed Life, winner of the Christianity Today Book Award “A stunning book with power to reshape our world . . . if we let it.”—Glenn Packiam, pastor and author of Blessed Broken GivenWe long for a good life, a beautiful life, a kind life. But clearly that’s not the world we live in. We carry the stress of our fractured world in our bodies and relationships. Families that once gathered around tables have converted those tables into walls. Hostility, rage, and offense is the language of our culture. How did we lose goodness, kindness, and beauty? And more important, how do we get them back into our lives? These are the two questions crying out in our streets, homes, churches, and from deep within our souls. Pastor and author Rich Villodas is convinced that only Jesus offers a way of being human that is both strong and tender enough to tear down the walls of hostility we experience daily. In Good and Beautiful and Kind, he reveals how… • These three essentials are stolen by sin, powers and principalities, and trauma. • We can get goodness, beauty, and kindness back through contemplative prayer, humility, and the cultivation of calm presence. • The traits of healthy conflict, forgiveness, and justice lead to wholeness, healing, and a new collective future—when rooted in the ancient way of Jesus. Filled with fresh energy, classic truth, and practical solutions, this is your road map for stepping beyond distraction and division to love like Jesus. Doing so will change the atmosphere within you…and around you!
241 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 12, 2022
283 people are currently reading
2405 people want to read
About the author
Rich Villodas
12 books185 followersRich Villodas is the Brooklyn-born lead pastor of New Life Fellowship, a large, multiracial church with more than seventy-three countries represented in Elmhurst, Queens. Prior to becoming lead pastor, he gave oversight to New Life's small group ministry and served as preaching pastor. Rich graduated with a BA in pastoral ministry and theology from Nyack College. He went on to complete his master's of divinity from Alliance Theological Seminary. He enjoys reading widely, and preaching and writing on contemplative spirituality, justice-related issues, and the art of preaching. He's been married to Rosie since 2006 and they have two beautiful children, Karis and Nathan.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 134 reviews
August 19, 2022
I need to take some time to reflect on Good and Beautiful and Kind: Becoming Whole in a Fractured World. Quite honestly, I found myself burned out before a vacation and bought GBK as a healing + restful read—I was tired of reading theology books that were always trying to "challenge" the church from a "radical" perspective.
Enter GBK. Good and Beautiful and Kind is a call to a type of life that is quiet, contemplative, rested, and assured of its belovedness. More than anything, I found myself yearning for life that is more deeply planted with enough space for quiet contemplation. In my own experience, contemplative prayer has served to stir up wonder at the world in me: seeing God in all things and people. I feel challenged to contemplate more, to become more humble and less reactive, and to learn how to become a wounded healer. I'm also thinking through the forces curving me inward: what are the cultural liturgies that deform me into a less humane and merciful person?
This book is a great entrance into understanding contemplative life.
I also loved the mix of authors he quotes from: Fleming Rutledge, Pete Scazzero, Miroslav Wolf, the Desert Fathers, Langston Hughes, Thomas Merton, James Cone, Howard Thurman...truly an eclectic mix!
Enter GBK. Good and Beautiful and Kind is a call to a type of life that is quiet, contemplative, rested, and assured of its belovedness. More than anything, I found myself yearning for life that is more deeply planted with enough space for quiet contemplation. In my own experience, contemplative prayer has served to stir up wonder at the world in me: seeing God in all things and people. I feel challenged to contemplate more, to become more humble and less reactive, and to learn how to become a wounded healer. I'm also thinking through the forces curving me inward: what are the cultural liturgies that deform me into a less humane and merciful person?
This book is a great entrance into understanding contemplative life.
I also loved the mix of authors he quotes from: Fleming Rutledge, Pete Scazzero, Miroslav Wolf, the Desert Fathers, Langston Hughes, Thomas Merton, James Cone, Howard Thurman...truly an eclectic mix!
August 9, 2022
It's possible to have a life that doesn't appear fruitful to the world but is faithful to God.
In “Good and Beautiful and Kind” Rich Villodas shows that his first book was no fluke. Returning to the style of “The Deeply Formed Life” this second book does similar work. In an easy to read way Villodas pulls no punches.
But this is no aimless punching, GBK is precise and articulate. It identifies the “things behind the thing” as it were, but always with grace. I honestly wish more writers and pastors (self included) had the skill to say what needs to be said but in such a graceful way.
The book is in three parts. Part 1 speaks to our brokenness, largely rooted in the fallout from our failure to love well (Villodas’ beautiful way of articulating sin). In part 2 he considers how we might “walk in a better way”. Here there’s plenty of timely and practical advice on avoiding the reactivity that’s dividing society right now. Part 3, possibly my favourite part of the book, turns an eye towards “wholeness” and the challenges of reaching that individually and collectively. Again filled with helpful and practical tips for anyone on how to build bridges with others, navigate the complexities and difficulties of forgiveness. The final chapter turns to the question of Justice, a “Rorschach” word for our time, but ultimately a question of how to do love publicly. An appropriate end to a book that started off observing how failing to love us at the root of the worlds problems. As you might imagine and hope, Rich roots all of this guidance in the way of Jesus and scripture.
GBK is an easy to read difficult read in the way that good books should be. Read it quickly, ponder it long. If you read his first book, you’ll enjoy this further unpacking of his thinking, but it isn’t a sequel, so read it first too!
In short, I enjoyed this book and you will too. And I think that would be true regardless of your faith or religious background. We need more books like this these days.
In “Good and Beautiful and Kind” Rich Villodas shows that his first book was no fluke. Returning to the style of “The Deeply Formed Life” this second book does similar work. In an easy to read way Villodas pulls no punches.
But this is no aimless punching, GBK is precise and articulate. It identifies the “things behind the thing” as it were, but always with grace. I honestly wish more writers and pastors (self included) had the skill to say what needs to be said but in such a graceful way.
The book is in three parts. Part 1 speaks to our brokenness, largely rooted in the fallout from our failure to love well (Villodas’ beautiful way of articulating sin). In part 2 he considers how we might “walk in a better way”. Here there’s plenty of timely and practical advice on avoiding the reactivity that’s dividing society right now. Part 3, possibly my favourite part of the book, turns an eye towards “wholeness” and the challenges of reaching that individually and collectively. Again filled with helpful and practical tips for anyone on how to build bridges with others, navigate the complexities and difficulties of forgiveness. The final chapter turns to the question of Justice, a “Rorschach” word for our time, but ultimately a question of how to do love publicly. An appropriate end to a book that started off observing how failing to love us at the root of the worlds problems. As you might imagine and hope, Rich roots all of this guidance in the way of Jesus and scripture.
GBK is an easy to read difficult read in the way that good books should be. Read it quickly, ponder it long. If you read his first book, you’ll enjoy this further unpacking of his thinking, but it isn’t a sequel, so read it first too!
In short, I enjoyed this book and you will too. And I think that would be true regardless of your faith or religious background. We need more books like this these days.
January 2, 2025
Are you worn out by the ugliness and fractures around us, not just in society, but also in the church? Maybe feeling a little helpless and hopeless when you look around you? Good and Beautiful and Kind (GBK) offers us hope for a better way forward that is rooted in the way of Jesus. Straight from a pastor’s heart, it doesn’t deal in shallow niceties or easy quick fixes. Rich doesn’t shy away from naming the ugly and complex realities that we are facing today, yet at the same time, he doesn’t stop there, but offers us a way forward—the way of love. Rich’s call for us to walk in the way of love is not abstract or idealistic. Instead, he draws from a rich and varied tradition of Christian thinkers and pulls them into deeply practical and relatable day-to-day application.
The healing of the world doesn't begin by fixing the problems "out there," but by doing our own deep, inner work toward wholeness—internal examination and contemplative prayer, cultivating calm presence and humility—and then living and embodying that wholeness as we make our way in the world in love. When I get despondent about what’s happening "out there," GBK reminds me to reflect on where I need healing and repentance, so that I can offer a presence to the world that reflects the God who made me: one that is good, beautiful, and kind.
This is a book to be read slowly, accompanied with deep reflection, an ear to listen to how God’s Spirit might be challenging us, and a willingness to act. Definitely a must-read for the Church today!
The healing of the world doesn't begin by fixing the problems "out there," but by doing our own deep, inner work toward wholeness—internal examination and contemplative prayer, cultivating calm presence and humility—and then living and embodying that wholeness as we make our way in the world in love. When I get despondent about what’s happening "out there," GBK reminds me to reflect on where I need healing and repentance, so that I can offer a presence to the world that reflects the God who made me: one that is good, beautiful, and kind.
This is a book to be read slowly, accompanied with deep reflection, an ear to listen to how God’s Spirit might be challenging us, and a willingness to act. Definitely a must-read for the Church today!
June 17, 2022
I can't give this book any less than 5 stars. Before I even requested this ARC from NetGalley and WaterBrook & Multnomah, I had pre-ordered it and bought it to arrive on my Kindle the minute it comes out; however, I wanted to read it as soon as possible! I have to say here at the beginning that book includes a subject I was looking for last year and could not find: how to be an unanxious presence in a very anxious world. Villodas brings much to the table with Good and Beautiful and Kind, but this learning to be an unanxious or non-anxious presence has to be one of the major reasons for buying this book.
I own and read The Deeply-Formed Life by Villodas so I knew I would appreciate his take on the good and beautiful and kind life. The word "kind" threw me at first because I've grown accustomed to seeing good, and beautiful, and true linked together. The title might also throw other readers who are expecting something different, maybe something light with inspirational tales of wonder. This book is not about feeling good about other people's stories of how they were good, beautiful, and kind. This book is about learning to BE good, beautiful, and kind. Ourselves doing the work, not how to get others to be good, beautiful, and kind. This is for people who want to be transformed from the inside. Villodas is transparent in his examples from his own life. I appreciate the integrity in his writing. Even at the beginning, he gives an example where theologically his church holds to a particular historical view (cue half the crowd happy and the other half upset) followed by how the church followed the command to love in action as Jesus commands (cue first half of crowd now unhappy and the second half happy). Don't miss the wisdom in this book and the chance to grow more like Jesus: good, beautiful, and kind just because you don't agree with every word in the book. I follow an old saying when it comes to reading; Eat the meat but spit out the bones. As for me, I only mildly disagreed with one thing in the entire book.
I am eager for my pre-ordered copy to come through on July 12 so I can actually highlight passages as I re-read it. I read this ARC from June 3 to June 16 and now I know that I also want to purchase the physical book; I'm sure I'll be re-reading this book again and again. Thanks to NetGalley and WaterBook & Multnomah for this ARC.
I own and read The Deeply-Formed Life by Villodas so I knew I would appreciate his take on the good and beautiful and kind life. The word "kind" threw me at first because I've grown accustomed to seeing good, and beautiful, and true linked together. The title might also throw other readers who are expecting something different, maybe something light with inspirational tales of wonder. This book is not about feeling good about other people's stories of how they were good, beautiful, and kind. This book is about learning to BE good, beautiful, and kind. Ourselves doing the work, not how to get others to be good, beautiful, and kind. This is for people who want to be transformed from the inside. Villodas is transparent in his examples from his own life. I appreciate the integrity in his writing. Even at the beginning, he gives an example where theologically his church holds to a particular historical view (cue half the crowd happy and the other half upset) followed by how the church followed the command to love in action as Jesus commands (cue first half of crowd now unhappy and the second half happy). Don't miss the wisdom in this book and the chance to grow more like Jesus: good, beautiful, and kind just because you don't agree with every word in the book. I follow an old saying when it comes to reading; Eat the meat but spit out the bones. As for me, I only mildly disagreed with one thing in the entire book.
I am eager for my pre-ordered copy to come through on July 12 so I can actually highlight passages as I re-read it. I read this ARC from June 3 to June 16 and now I know that I also want to purchase the physical book; I'm sure I'll be re-reading this book again and again. Thanks to NetGalley and WaterBook & Multnomah for this ARC.
February 15, 2023
It took me about 6 months to work through this book. It is excellent, but challenging. Also hopeful and insightful. For instance, in the section on forgiveness, he addresses how we can forgive, and still experience feelings of grief or betrayal, etc. So helpful and clarifying. After everything that was covered and all the challenges set forth, the afterward was truly just perfect. Abiding in the love of God, in which we already exist, as our life’s core work. Definitely a worthwhile read.
February 18, 2024
I needed to read this. I’ve been in a “deconstruction” phase in my faith journey and I’ve been questioning Christianity more often than not. This book has helped me breathe new life into my faith and I highly recommend it to those who are struggling to see the goodness, beauty, and kindness in their spirituality.
October 15, 2022
A good blend of contemplative practice and pastoral application. Rich Villodas is a faithful guide. I've appreciated both of his books.
July 12, 2022
I have been so deeply challenged that I will need to roll back through my physical copy with several highlighters! I got an advanced reader copy and wanted to highlight a bit of the chapter that challenged me the most!
Chapter 9 was a perfect ending to this book. I know I’m guilty of “pointing out” the injustice and putting no action to it. So while I may need to re-read and highlight, if I don’t put into action the things I’m challenged by, what’s the point?
Growing up in white evangelical spaces, we tend to skip over justice in the way Rich describes in this chapter (this is a broad brush of course, but this has been true in the community I grew up in).
“But being rooted in love is not to be lived out in our private lives; it’s to be demonstrated in the larger, public world we inhabit.”
“This multilayered love is the theological basis for Christian justice. Justice is not something we do after we have “loved God.” Justice is one of the primary ways to love him.”
Justice is easy to talk about when a person kills another. But when it’s systemic: that’s a whole other thing. And while I have certainly been awakened to the systemic nature of the oppression, I haven’t done enough to help counter this with real action. I’ve keyboard warriored some, but without putting feet behind my words, I fear it’s all in vain.
The book was worth it for the last chapter, but there is so much more to it! Rich thoughtfully examines the things in our culture and the Church that needs, if it wants to continue to impact the community and culture at large.
From the amazing foreword by Ann Voskamp, to the lovingly worded chapters that teach us how to be more Good, more Beautfiul, and more Kind, this book will be one you go back and reference as a great reminder. Can’t recommend this book enough!
Chapter 9 was a perfect ending to this book. I know I’m guilty of “pointing out” the injustice and putting no action to it. So while I may need to re-read and highlight, if I don’t put into action the things I’m challenged by, what’s the point?
Growing up in white evangelical spaces, we tend to skip over justice in the way Rich describes in this chapter (this is a broad brush of course, but this has been true in the community I grew up in).
“But being rooted in love is not to be lived out in our private lives; it’s to be demonstrated in the larger, public world we inhabit.”
“This multilayered love is the theological basis for Christian justice. Justice is not something we do after we have “loved God.” Justice is one of the primary ways to love him.”
Justice is easy to talk about when a person kills another. But when it’s systemic: that’s a whole other thing. And while I have certainly been awakened to the systemic nature of the oppression, I haven’t done enough to help counter this with real action. I’ve keyboard warriored some, but without putting feet behind my words, I fear it’s all in vain.
The book was worth it for the last chapter, but there is so much more to it! Rich thoughtfully examines the things in our culture and the Church that needs, if it wants to continue to impact the community and culture at large.
From the amazing foreword by Ann Voskamp, to the lovingly worded chapters that teach us how to be more Good, more Beautfiul, and more Kind, this book will be one you go back and reference as a great reminder. Can’t recommend this book enough!
August 12, 2022
I read this as part of a book launch group, but what a privilege to read it! Book launch team or not, it's a great and practical book to read and apply; how to abide in God's love without being sappy or inward looking. How Christianity can be loving, beautiful and kind, not the ugly MAGA hat bearing or sniffly inward looking argumentative and rather harsh examples that seem to shout loudest. We need to abide in God and His Word to do this - how do we do this and make a difference? Through life examples and the Bible, Rich Villodas takes us through slowing down, God focusing, reflective prayer; being present (with an awareness of ourselves and others); that justice is so much more than labels or calling out and getting angry about - instead active, practical, local (and regional/national) and again, listening to those who are experiencing the issue to support them in implementing their solutions and strategies. It's also about seeking forgiveness and allowing ourselves to be changed, knowing that "God will use our wounds and healing to become sources of healing, for ourselves and others". Our lives (and wounds) can be redemptively reconfigured.
Truly a Psalm 119:18 book, thoughtfully and tenderly written (and funny) - now off to learn more about the prayers of the Desert Fathers and 'being' in prayer, losing the checklist model.
Truly a Psalm 119:18 book, thoughtfully and tenderly written (and funny) - now off to learn more about the prayers of the Desert Fathers and 'being' in prayer, losing the checklist model.
February 21, 2025
It's hard for me to read nonfiction because I often love reading to escape thinking, so this book took me a long time, but it also took me a long time because I kept re-listening to certain chapters over and over again (I love this book so much that I actually own all 3 versions: hard copy, audiobook, and ebook). This book is life-changing and world-altering. I understand God and the world and myself better because of it and I feel less alone because of people like Villodas. (I was also deeply affected by a pastor quoting and analyzing literature - like the brilliant Langston Hughes poem referenced in the title; quoting and respecting women writers and thinkers; and focusing on social justice.) I'm going to be re-reading this one for years to come.
March 12, 2024
This book spoke to my soul. A much needed, thought provoking, encouraging and energetic read for those trying to show up better in today’s broken world. Pastor Rich delivers practical solutions to showing kindness and love to all people (like Jesus) in a clear and helpful manner. It’s for those actively seeking to “do justice, show mercy and walk humbly”. You end the book feeling a sense of hope that so many of us are longing for. I finished it in two days. I’ll probably read this again later this year. Can’t wait for his next release!
October 21, 2022
A good kicking off point to learn how love helps us face trauma and commit to justice as transformational disciplines. Not the most in depth but is and will be a beautiful resource to start the journey for many. Great read.
August 11, 2022
A great follow up to The Deeply Formed Life! Rich writes in a way that is simple and clear yet profound. I really enjoyed the middle section on prayer, humility, and calmness.
December 21, 2022
4.5/5. The only thing missing was a study guide/ reflection questions. Planning to reread in ‘23 and annotate.
January 23, 2023
Thought provoking
Rich writes with the heart of a pastor. Challenging readers to think deeper while transparently admiting the hurdles we face to do so.
Rich writes with the heart of a pastor. Challenging readers to think deeper while transparently admiting the hurdles we face to do so.
September 30, 2024
This is what our Christianity is supposed to look like. Anyone who has beef with people should read this book. It's real, humble and challenging. There is hope for us.
March 28, 2025
Enjoyed the way Villodas talked about modern issues/ problems & used both Scripture & psychology to address them. He clearly lives out the Scriptures he preaches.
July 9, 2025
Easy read with excellent, practical, theologically sound reflections and advice
December 21, 2025
Should be mandatory reading for anyone who seeks to follow Jesus. Absolutely important and relevant read.
April 8, 2023
This book has a ton of great content; content that is important and not talked about enough. The only real knock I have against it is that it covers so MUCH material in a relatively short space that it can't go too deep on any of it. A solid conversation-starting book, though.
"it is a small step from a narrow understanding of sin straight into the depths of it. In other words, it's easy to think, well, I'm not doing that, so I must be okay. But sin is not just about 'not doing that.' Sin is the negation of love...When spiritual vitality is measured by sin-avoidance, we deceive ourselves into thinking that we are following Jesus faithfully. But following Jesus is to be measured by love--love for God expressed in love for neighbor" (8).
"by becoming solely focused on abstaining from sin (defined very narrowly), we live by a crushing moralism that robs us from enjoying God and self-righteously places us above others" (9).
"sin is not just something we do but a power we are under, a power turning us inward, but inward in the wrong way" (19).
"Confession uncurves us. To confess our sins doesn't mean obsessing over our mistakes. To confess our sins--especially together in a community--is an act of solidarity. It's a practice reminding us that we are all on equal footing, all in need of grace" (20-1).
"We can't understand the fragmentation we experience without expanding our language for the forces that fill the world and influence us" (26). E.g. powers and principalities
"Powers and principalities are spiritual forces that become hostile, taking root in individuals, ideologies, and institutions, with the goal of deception, division, and depersonalization" (28).
"The Evil One's great scheme is to convince us that the root problem is not with the Evil One but exclusively with ourselves, our circumstances, or our neighbors" (31).
Core strategies of the powers and principalities: deception (b/c love must be grounded in reality), division (b/c love must be nurtured in unity), depersonalization (b/c love must be protected through the compassionate valuing of a person's worth and dignity)
"the way the powers seek to have us live deceptive lives is not through explicit training in falsness but in convincing us to orient our lives around certain values (often good values, at least in the beginning) until they dominate us to such a degree that we can achieve them only through deceit" (33).
"Much of our society holds the conviction that if two people disagree on important issues, they must be enemies" (35).
"If the powers can have us relate to (and even hate, mock, or dismiss) categories of people instead of individuals...it makes it easier to forget the humanity of those different from or disagreeing with us" (35-6).
Individually and as churches we must ask ourselves, "Who or what am I really serving with my time, belief, money, passion, and opinion? Am I being used by 'the powers'?" (39).
"in the Kingdom of God, the powers are not conquered by our mirroring them but by our resisting them. Jesus doesn't resort to the tactics of the powers" (47). I.e. just like Black Panther's vibranium suit that absorbs the blows of his enemies and then uses it against them, so Jesus took violence and sin onto himself and used this sacrificial love to disarm the powers
Peter Storey (South African professor and bishop): "American preachers have a task more difficult, perhaps, than those faced by us under South Africa's apartheid, or Christians under communism. We had obvious evils to engage. You have to help good people see how they have let their institutions do their sinning for them."
Parker Palmer: "The more we know about another story, the harder it is to hate or harm that person."
Resmaa Menakem: trauma is both a wound and the "wordless story our body tells itself about what is safe and what is a threat" that arises from that wound.
"The first thing most of us must confess when trying to navigate our trauma is, 'It's not my fault'" (59).
Brene Brown: "Vulnerability is the greatest causality of trauma."
"Whatever we cannot name reveals the insidious bondage we still exist in" (63).
"Facing the truth about ourselves and opening that part of our lives to God are imperative because God dwells only in reality" (64).
"According to psychoanalyst Robert Stolorow, often trauma endures because 'severe emotional pain cannot find a relational home'" (64).
"In his wounds, Jesus shows himself to be one who identifies--even in a resurrected state--with humanity" (68).
"We are called to be wounded healers, but the first part of our healing requires us to be present to the wounds we have carried" (68).
"Our world is fractured not because there's no state-approved affirmation of Christian prayer but because many followers of Christ have not learned to pray in a way that opens us up to God's healing" (73).
"As a culture, 'prayer' has become code for a sentimentalism that is mildly sympathetic to tragedy but is helpless or even apathetic to producing real transformation" (74).
"our prayers have not done in us what we want to see done in the world" (74).
"Prayer is not about throwing holy words at God; it is about embracing a new way of seeing" (74).
"Contemplative prayer is the unhurried opening of oneself to God through silence, Scripture, and self-examination...To contemplate something is to fix your attention on it in a curious and deliberate manner...The person contemplating is not just a subject observing an object but a subject being encountered by another Subject (God)...Contemplative prayer is our yes to God's yes to us" (76-7, 80).
"What our world is desperately searching for our people who are living from a depth of life saturated with God's presence of love" (82).
"Contemplative prayer forms us to love well because love requires calm presence over reactivity. In contemplation, our brains are rewired, giving our bodies the expanded capacity to be present with ourselves and others" (87-8).
"The challenge about contemplative prayer is that you rarely see fruit in the moment...As the Quaker Douglas Steere has said, 'Stopping too soon is the commonest dead-end street in prayer'" (92).
"humility is not just doing a lowly task; it's a life committed to the hard task of lowering one's defenses" (94).
"The true self is the place within us where we are found securely wrapped in God's love and have no need to project or protect it. The true self finds its identity in something much deeper than human words of approval or criticism...Humility, then, is the ongoing commitment to live from the true self" (95-6).
"Our fragility is one of the most important signs that the false self is running the show" (96).
"Poverty of spirit is living detached from the incessant need to cling to things that prop up our false self [i.e., there's nothing to protect, nothing to possess, nothing to prove]" (97).
"One of the greatest gifts we give the people we lead (and generally the people we are in relationship with) is a lack of defensiveness...To lower our defenses is to make space for others and the gifts they carry" (101).
"The way of humility essentially says, 'I don't take myself too seriously; I have no need to project myself as something I'm not; I don't need to be in control; I'm open to things that are beyond my experience or understanding'" (103).
"[Naaman's] body was healed on the seventh dip, but his heart was being transformed on the first dip, when he set aside his entitled ways and humbly said yes to Elisha's instructions" (104).
"The humble person is one who repeatedly chooses the counter-instinctual way of vulnerability, honesty and self-confrontation" (104).
"Becoming someone who can remain present to oneself and to another, especially in times of disagreement or distress, is one of the most important things we can do to become whole...The cultivation of calm presence is the conscious and courageous decision to remain close and curious to ourselves and others in times of high anxiety...In other words, the person growing and cultivating presence is curious, courageous, and compassionate" (115-6, 120).
"Anger, control, manipulation, avoidance, sarcasm, and distraction can all be expressions of anxiety" (123).
"For some of us, we live our lives avoiding the potential of conflict do to debilitating fear. A person living this way often has a hard time finding their voice, refuses to disagree, or painfully becomes a chameleon to limit the possibility of conflict. For others, we avoid the reality of conflict..." (138).
"Let's normalize this. Conflict is not a sign of unhealth. It's unhealthy to never have conflict...dealing with conflict is not a sign of immaturity; it's a reflection of the depth of our maturity in Christ" (139).
Dietrich Bonhoeffer: "Those who love their dream of a Christian community more than they love the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community even though their personal intentions may be ever so honest, earnest, and sacrificial."
"Healthy conflict requires confrontation...By confrontation, I simply mean that conflict requires face time" (145).
"I clearly recognize the angst that many attempt to avoid through 'electronic talk.' The problem, however, is that an entire generation is being taught to move further away from each other in the name of peace. There's just too much of ourselves that goes missing through texting and emails" (146).
Kurt Thompson: One reason we avoid confrontation: we internalize the script, "I do not have what it takes to tolerate this moment," which is a lie.
"Triangulation, in many instances, is talking to everyone about the problem except the person we need to speak to" (149).
"When we are attempting to explore hurt, disappointment, or frustration, we don't need an expansive trove of multisyllabic words; we need plainness of heart and clarity of speech" (151-2).
"the hallmark of someone who is growing in love is one who can listen non-defensively" (155).
"Listening well is a refusal to allow self-righteousness to distort our interactions. It's a willingness to open ourselves up to blind spots, knowing that we stand in need of grace every single day. Defensiveness is often a subtle but blatant rejection of our humanity and, consequently, a rejection of God's grace. Experiencing grace requires our walls to come down" (156).
"Our conflicts are normal. Our disagreements are real. But so is the grace of God" (158).
Forgiveness is primarily interpersonal: "To forgive is to cancel the debt owed, to forego retribution, to say no to revenge. It's the clear recognition of wrongdoing but the refusal to continue the cycle of offense" (163). But it has a profound interior component as well: "Forgiveness is inner freedom from allowing the wound inflicted from another to be the primary and permanent point of reference from which we relate to the world" (163).
"you can be forgiven but still be in prison... true freedom is not just in receiving forgiveness but in allowing that grace to flow through us to others" (166).
"to say that God forgets our sins is metaphorical language to help us understand that God doesn't hold our sins against us...By remembering, you create necessary boundaries to avoid repeat offenses. But by forgiving, you extricate yourself from the cycle of revenge" (167-8).
"Forgiveness and justice are not mutually exclusive" (168).
"If you’re feeling the pain of what someone has done, that doesn't mean you haven't forgiven that person; it means that wound was deep" (168).
"Forgiveness is often a painful, redemptive act, but when done in haste and without careful reflection, it can intensify the rift and resentment we have toward others...Mindless, reactionary acts of forgiveness do not lead to the freedom we long for...The only option is to figure out how to extend forgiveness in ways that honor our dignity, attend to our wounds, and reflect the gracious God revealed in his Son" (171). I.e., it's possible to forgive too quickly
"Justice is not something we do after we have 'loved God.' Justice is one of the primary ways to love him. It is essential, not extra" (182).
"Jesus clearly wanted his followers to be more concerned with God's kingdom coming on earth as it is in heaven than with us getting out of earth into heaven" (184).
"Throughout the Old Testament, we learn that God's love is not neutral. God takes sides. Yes, it is true that God loves everyone. It is also true that he has a track record of paying particular attention to those whom society ostracizes or overlooks" (185).
"We work for justice because it's central to who God is. This truth means that justice, biblically speaking, is definitively more relational than individual...the Western emphasis on our individual rights, albeit important, is not what is stressed in the Bible...Justice is the right ordering of relationships. It's an act of organizing life through mutuality and not coercion, humility and not dominance, generosity and not greed, compassion rather than indifference" (188-9).
"biblical justice is relational but it is to be carried out systematically...It's carried out by addressing the way power is misused. Mercy means bandaging up people bloodied in life. Justice refers to systemically stopping those who are bloodying up people in the first place, and creating an environment for everyone's flourishing" (189).
"To prioritize the poor and powerless is not to agree with every theological conviction that purports to represent them; it means to join our voices to theirs, especially when they are on the receiving end of mistreatment, whether spiritually, physically, emotionally, or economically" (189-90).
"Diagnosis is not justice. Naming the problems is not justice. It might be the start of justice, but it can never be the end" (193).
"We are not called to fix the world but to fsithfully respond with the resources, strength, and love we have...the call to justice is not about fruitfulness but faithfulness" (195).
"Justice requires us to attend to people, to see them, to truly recognize their presence. It's the refusal to depersonalize people into mirages" (198).
Stanley Hauerwas: "The task of the church is to serve as the best example of what God can do with human community."
"it is a small step from a narrow understanding of sin straight into the depths of it. In other words, it's easy to think, well, I'm not doing that, so I must be okay. But sin is not just about 'not doing that.' Sin is the negation of love...When spiritual vitality is measured by sin-avoidance, we deceive ourselves into thinking that we are following Jesus faithfully. But following Jesus is to be measured by love--love for God expressed in love for neighbor" (8).
"by becoming solely focused on abstaining from sin (defined very narrowly), we live by a crushing moralism that robs us from enjoying God and self-righteously places us above others" (9).
"sin is not just something we do but a power we are under, a power turning us inward, but inward in the wrong way" (19).
"Confession uncurves us. To confess our sins doesn't mean obsessing over our mistakes. To confess our sins--especially together in a community--is an act of solidarity. It's a practice reminding us that we are all on equal footing, all in need of grace" (20-1).
"We can't understand the fragmentation we experience without expanding our language for the forces that fill the world and influence us" (26). E.g. powers and principalities
"Powers and principalities are spiritual forces that become hostile, taking root in individuals, ideologies, and institutions, with the goal of deception, division, and depersonalization" (28).
"The Evil One's great scheme is to convince us that the root problem is not with the Evil One but exclusively with ourselves, our circumstances, or our neighbors" (31).
Core strategies of the powers and principalities: deception (b/c love must be grounded in reality), division (b/c love must be nurtured in unity), depersonalization (b/c love must be protected through the compassionate valuing of a person's worth and dignity)
"the way the powers seek to have us live deceptive lives is not through explicit training in falsness but in convincing us to orient our lives around certain values (often good values, at least in the beginning) until they dominate us to such a degree that we can achieve them only through deceit" (33).
"Much of our society holds the conviction that if two people disagree on important issues, they must be enemies" (35).
"If the powers can have us relate to (and even hate, mock, or dismiss) categories of people instead of individuals...it makes it easier to forget the humanity of those different from or disagreeing with us" (35-6).
Individually and as churches we must ask ourselves, "Who or what am I really serving with my time, belief, money, passion, and opinion? Am I being used by 'the powers'?" (39).
"in the Kingdom of God, the powers are not conquered by our mirroring them but by our resisting them. Jesus doesn't resort to the tactics of the powers" (47). I.e. just like Black Panther's vibranium suit that absorbs the blows of his enemies and then uses it against them, so Jesus took violence and sin onto himself and used this sacrificial love to disarm the powers
Peter Storey (South African professor and bishop): "American preachers have a task more difficult, perhaps, than those faced by us under South Africa's apartheid, or Christians under communism. We had obvious evils to engage. You have to help good people see how they have let their institutions do their sinning for them."
Parker Palmer: "The more we know about another story, the harder it is to hate or harm that person."
Resmaa Menakem: trauma is both a wound and the "wordless story our body tells itself about what is safe and what is a threat" that arises from that wound.
"The first thing most of us must confess when trying to navigate our trauma is, 'It's not my fault'" (59).
Brene Brown: "Vulnerability is the greatest causality of trauma."
"Whatever we cannot name reveals the insidious bondage we still exist in" (63).
"Facing the truth about ourselves and opening that part of our lives to God are imperative because God dwells only in reality" (64).
"According to psychoanalyst Robert Stolorow, often trauma endures because 'severe emotional pain cannot find a relational home'" (64).
"In his wounds, Jesus shows himself to be one who identifies--even in a resurrected state--with humanity" (68).
"We are called to be wounded healers, but the first part of our healing requires us to be present to the wounds we have carried" (68).
"Our world is fractured not because there's no state-approved affirmation of Christian prayer but because many followers of Christ have not learned to pray in a way that opens us up to God's healing" (73).
"As a culture, 'prayer' has become code for a sentimentalism that is mildly sympathetic to tragedy but is helpless or even apathetic to producing real transformation" (74).
"our prayers have not done in us what we want to see done in the world" (74).
"Prayer is not about throwing holy words at God; it is about embracing a new way of seeing" (74).
"Contemplative prayer is the unhurried opening of oneself to God through silence, Scripture, and self-examination...To contemplate something is to fix your attention on it in a curious and deliberate manner...The person contemplating is not just a subject observing an object but a subject being encountered by another Subject (God)...Contemplative prayer is our yes to God's yes to us" (76-7, 80).
"What our world is desperately searching for our people who are living from a depth of life saturated with God's presence of love" (82).
"Contemplative prayer forms us to love well because love requires calm presence over reactivity. In contemplation, our brains are rewired, giving our bodies the expanded capacity to be present with ourselves and others" (87-8).
"The challenge about contemplative prayer is that you rarely see fruit in the moment...As the Quaker Douglas Steere has said, 'Stopping too soon is the commonest dead-end street in prayer'" (92).
"humility is not just doing a lowly task; it's a life committed to the hard task of lowering one's defenses" (94).
"The true self is the place within us where we are found securely wrapped in God's love and have no need to project or protect it. The true self finds its identity in something much deeper than human words of approval or criticism...Humility, then, is the ongoing commitment to live from the true self" (95-6).
"Our fragility is one of the most important signs that the false self is running the show" (96).
"Poverty of spirit is living detached from the incessant need to cling to things that prop up our false self [i.e., there's nothing to protect, nothing to possess, nothing to prove]" (97).
"One of the greatest gifts we give the people we lead (and generally the people we are in relationship with) is a lack of defensiveness...To lower our defenses is to make space for others and the gifts they carry" (101).
"The way of humility essentially says, 'I don't take myself too seriously; I have no need to project myself as something I'm not; I don't need to be in control; I'm open to things that are beyond my experience or understanding'" (103).
"[Naaman's] body was healed on the seventh dip, but his heart was being transformed on the first dip, when he set aside his entitled ways and humbly said yes to Elisha's instructions" (104).
"The humble person is one who repeatedly chooses the counter-instinctual way of vulnerability, honesty and self-confrontation" (104).
"Becoming someone who can remain present to oneself and to another, especially in times of disagreement or distress, is one of the most important things we can do to become whole...The cultivation of calm presence is the conscious and courageous decision to remain close and curious to ourselves and others in times of high anxiety...In other words, the person growing and cultivating presence is curious, courageous, and compassionate" (115-6, 120).
"Anger, control, manipulation, avoidance, sarcasm, and distraction can all be expressions of anxiety" (123).
"For some of us, we live our lives avoiding the potential of conflict do to debilitating fear. A person living this way often has a hard time finding their voice, refuses to disagree, or painfully becomes a chameleon to limit the possibility of conflict. For others, we avoid the reality of conflict..." (138).
"Let's normalize this. Conflict is not a sign of unhealth. It's unhealthy to never have conflict...dealing with conflict is not a sign of immaturity; it's a reflection of the depth of our maturity in Christ" (139).
Dietrich Bonhoeffer: "Those who love their dream of a Christian community more than they love the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community even though their personal intentions may be ever so honest, earnest, and sacrificial."
"Healthy conflict requires confrontation...By confrontation, I simply mean that conflict requires face time" (145).
"I clearly recognize the angst that many attempt to avoid through 'electronic talk.' The problem, however, is that an entire generation is being taught to move further away from each other in the name of peace. There's just too much of ourselves that goes missing through texting and emails" (146).
Kurt Thompson: One reason we avoid confrontation: we internalize the script, "I do not have what it takes to tolerate this moment," which is a lie.
"Triangulation, in many instances, is talking to everyone about the problem except the person we need to speak to" (149).
"When we are attempting to explore hurt, disappointment, or frustration, we don't need an expansive trove of multisyllabic words; we need plainness of heart and clarity of speech" (151-2).
"the hallmark of someone who is growing in love is one who can listen non-defensively" (155).
"Listening well is a refusal to allow self-righteousness to distort our interactions. It's a willingness to open ourselves up to blind spots, knowing that we stand in need of grace every single day. Defensiveness is often a subtle but blatant rejection of our humanity and, consequently, a rejection of God's grace. Experiencing grace requires our walls to come down" (156).
"Our conflicts are normal. Our disagreements are real. But so is the grace of God" (158).
Forgiveness is primarily interpersonal: "To forgive is to cancel the debt owed, to forego retribution, to say no to revenge. It's the clear recognition of wrongdoing but the refusal to continue the cycle of offense" (163). But it has a profound interior component as well: "Forgiveness is inner freedom from allowing the wound inflicted from another to be the primary and permanent point of reference from which we relate to the world" (163).
"you can be forgiven but still be in prison... true freedom is not just in receiving forgiveness but in allowing that grace to flow through us to others" (166).
"to say that God forgets our sins is metaphorical language to help us understand that God doesn't hold our sins against us...By remembering, you create necessary boundaries to avoid repeat offenses. But by forgiving, you extricate yourself from the cycle of revenge" (167-8).
"Forgiveness and justice are not mutually exclusive" (168).
"If you’re feeling the pain of what someone has done, that doesn't mean you haven't forgiven that person; it means that wound was deep" (168).
"Forgiveness is often a painful, redemptive act, but when done in haste and without careful reflection, it can intensify the rift and resentment we have toward others...Mindless, reactionary acts of forgiveness do not lead to the freedom we long for...The only option is to figure out how to extend forgiveness in ways that honor our dignity, attend to our wounds, and reflect the gracious God revealed in his Son" (171). I.e., it's possible to forgive too quickly
"Justice is not something we do after we have 'loved God.' Justice is one of the primary ways to love him. It is essential, not extra" (182).
"Jesus clearly wanted his followers to be more concerned with God's kingdom coming on earth as it is in heaven than with us getting out of earth into heaven" (184).
"Throughout the Old Testament, we learn that God's love is not neutral. God takes sides. Yes, it is true that God loves everyone. It is also true that he has a track record of paying particular attention to those whom society ostracizes or overlooks" (185).
"We work for justice because it's central to who God is. This truth means that justice, biblically speaking, is definitively more relational than individual...the Western emphasis on our individual rights, albeit important, is not what is stressed in the Bible...Justice is the right ordering of relationships. It's an act of organizing life through mutuality and not coercion, humility and not dominance, generosity and not greed, compassion rather than indifference" (188-9).
"biblical justice is relational but it is to be carried out systematically...It's carried out by addressing the way power is misused. Mercy means bandaging up people bloodied in life. Justice refers to systemically stopping those who are bloodying up people in the first place, and creating an environment for everyone's flourishing" (189).
"To prioritize the poor and powerless is not to agree with every theological conviction that purports to represent them; it means to join our voices to theirs, especially when they are on the receiving end of mistreatment, whether spiritually, physically, emotionally, or economically" (189-90).
"Diagnosis is not justice. Naming the problems is not justice. It might be the start of justice, but it can never be the end" (193).
"We are not called to fix the world but to fsithfully respond with the resources, strength, and love we have...the call to justice is not about fruitfulness but faithfulness" (195).
"Justice requires us to attend to people, to see them, to truly recognize their presence. It's the refusal to depersonalize people into mirages" (198).
Stanley Hauerwas: "The task of the church is to serve as the best example of what God can do with human community."
August 31, 2022
4.5 rounded up to 5. I was savouring this book. But then I told my pastor about it and that he could borrow it so I quickly finished. 🤣
I love Rich’s perspective on so many things and the timing of this book is so poignant. Now is the time that Christian’s learn how to love and love well.
I love Rich’s perspective on so many things and the timing of this book is so poignant. Now is the time that Christian’s learn how to love and love well.
February 4, 2023
Villodas tackles heavy topics with brevity and grace. Not a deep-dive into anything in particular, but wonderful introduction to often neglected aspects of our faith (dealing with trauma, contemplative prayer, navigating conflict).
December 19, 2023
This book eloquently articulates many of the thoughts and challenges I've been grappling with over the past few years.
I would highly recommend this book.
I would highly recommend this book.
April 13, 2023
This was great! A lot of great take aways. Definitely worth coming back to
July 5, 2022
I am so grateful for the author of this book and how he continues to open himself up to be used for higher good. I thoroughly enjoyed his freshman debut “The Deeply Formed Life”. Sophomore releases can be hit or miss, but Rich does it again with “Good and Beautiful and Kind” — I was transformed by the messages in this book. The outline really laid out an template for me to reflect on where the fractures and wounds come from in my personal life and how I can overcome them for the betterment of my community and the gritty world around me.
If you are looking for a guide to help you wrestle with your faith when faced with the atrocities of the world all around you, this is the book for you 🙏🏽
If you are looking for a guide to help you wrestle with your faith when faced with the atrocities of the world all around you, this is the book for you 🙏🏽
December 27, 2023
Rich doesn’t miss.
July 30, 2025
Villodas has much to say about becoming whole and loving our neighbors. I suspect that many will find his words helpful. I know I would have if he had not included the story on page 37. He says, "New Life Fellowship has held the historic, traditional view of human sexuality as it related to marriage." I don't know how anyone can profess love for their neighbors when they doubt that some of those neighbors are living the life G!d gave them. I kept hoping that something wonderful would be said in this book about loving ALL G!d's children. I never got the message I was hoping for.
I recommend that you read Love Without Limits: Jesus' Radical Vision for Love with No Exceptions by Jacqueline A. Bussie. She is willing to love her neighbors as G!d created them.
I recommend that you read Love Without Limits: Jesus' Radical Vision for Love with No Exceptions by Jacqueline A. Bussie. She is willing to love her neighbors as G!d created them.
June 3, 2022
I really appreciate Rich's honest, thoughtful perspective here. He has so much wisdom to offer in matters of unity despite differences, love in suffering, and an outward focused life. He presents the idea that the root of our sin is essentially that we are bent inward, not outward or upward. And he's not wrong. It's when we're self-obsessed and overly self-focused that we fail to love God and others as we ought.
I especially appreciated the chapter on healthy disagreements. Rich points out that when we fully rest and are secure in God's love, we're free to engage honestly and receive constructive criticism which in turn enables us to love those around us better. Sometimes it's not a deliberate inward curve. Sometimes it's a defense mechanism, a subconscious self-protection. But we can't grow past it or love others fully if we don't deal with the curve.
While I had a bit of a hard time getting off the ground with this book, there's a lot of good meat here for those who are willing to stick with it and dig deep!
I especially appreciated the chapter on healthy disagreements. Rich points out that when we fully rest and are secure in God's love, we're free to engage honestly and receive constructive criticism which in turn enables us to love those around us better. Sometimes it's not a deliberate inward curve. Sometimes it's a defense mechanism, a subconscious self-protection. But we can't grow past it or love others fully if we don't deal with the curve.
While I had a bit of a hard time getting off the ground with this book, there's a lot of good meat here for those who are willing to stick with it and dig deep!
August 15, 2022
Rich Villodas is a man who speaks with both truth and love. He masterfully navigates challenging and potentially polarizing topics and embraces the nuance required to do so. It's also evident that he deeply believes and has applied many of the principles he writes and speaks about to his own life and that his ministry is an outpouring of a private life rooted in pursuit of God.
This book is both timeless and perfectly suited for our 2022 world. It is both theologically rich and yet profoundly practical to everyday life. I had to stop highlighting because I found myself doing so for pages at a time!
It took me a while to work through it merely because there is so much to digest. Honestly, it's one of those books that you could read every year and still walk away with new takeaways each time which, for a book about spiritual formation, is a huge commendation.
I would recommend this book to any faith-based person and am looking forward to what Rich will write next!
This book is both timeless and perfectly suited for our 2022 world. It is both theologically rich and yet profoundly practical to everyday life. I had to stop highlighting because I found myself doing so for pages at a time!
It took me a while to work through it merely because there is so much to digest. Honestly, it's one of those books that you could read every year and still walk away with new takeaways each time which, for a book about spiritual formation, is a huge commendation.
I would recommend this book to any faith-based person and am looking forward to what Rich will write next!
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September 2, 2022There are so many things to think about and are requiring an active response from me in this book. I appreciate Rich’s tone throughout-it’s apparent that he loves and cares for people and has a pastor’s heart. I appreciate that he is very descriptive in certain processes he follows-the details are helpful, but always with the intent of drawing us closer to the love of Christ and out of that, love for others. What he points to aren’t just checklists for what we should do in order to accomplish this work, but a continual explanation of why, and the benefits…and none of it is easy! The foundation is humility, for the good of the body, but not at the sacrifice of who God made us to be, or at the expense of over swinging one way or another. The vision he casts here is one of restful confidence in walking the way of Christ in obedience in our full humanity. Highly recommend.
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