What is Home, Mum?

by Sabba Khan

'Where is home, Mum?' From the foothills of the Himalayas in the Kashmiri valleys to bustling Green Street in East London, Sabba Khan researches her identity from the global to the local, covering partition, displacement, and assimilation with humour and courage.

Two-thirds of today's British Pakistani diaspora trace their origins back to Mirpur in Azad Kashmir, a district that saw mass displacement and migration when it was submerged by the waters of a dam built after Partition. Sabba Khan's debut graphic memoir explores what identity, belonging and memory mean for her and her family against the backdrop of this history.

As a second generation Azad Kashmiri migrant in East London, Khan paints a vivid snapshot of contemporary British Asian life and investigates the complex shifts experienced by different generations within migrant communities, creating an uplifting and universal story that crosses borders and decades.

Race, gender and class are brought to the forefront in a simple and personal narrative, illuminated by an eloquent minimal style and architectural page design. Khan asks how religion and secularism, tradition and trend, heritage and progression can move toward a common space of love and understanding?

Genres: Graphic Novels, Nonfiction, Memoir, Comics, Religion, Biography Memoir, Biography

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2021

Reviews

[Swati · Rating 4 out of 5]

Where is home?

I’m sure most reviews for Sabba Khan’s scintillating graphic memoir “The Roles We Play” will begin with that. I’m following suit because that is the overwhelming question the book asks. The story traces Khan’s childhood through adulthood, moving back and forth between timelines, the way memories go.

She talks about how her parents were compelled to move from Mirpur (now in Pakistan) to the UK in the 1960s, the difficulties of building a life for themselves, and their struggle to preserve their culture and family bonds as immigrants. She talks about relationships within her family and how each of them shaped her thoughts. At each juncture, she continuously questions the narrative around her and her own place in the world.

It’s a great blend of the emotional and the cerebral, the subjective and the objective. I love how the book begins with collectivism and moves towards individualism. She begins by talking about her heritage, ancestors, and her native land. Here, we get an idea about their values and beliefs as a people and as a family. As she grows up, some threads that bind become loose as Khan strives to break out of the patriarchal notions surrounding her and carves out her individuality. She does this with her, by now, characteristic raw candour and vulnerability.

Khan conveys all of this through her genre-bending illustrations, which I found more impactful than her words many times.

It’s difficult for me to attribute any one word to describe Khan’s work, which contains multitudes. Nor can I sum it up in the meagre space here. Is it moving? Yes. Is it funny? Yes. Is it thought-provoking? Absolutely. In a way, it mirrors Khan’s questions about herself, her community, her identity, her past and her present. They cannot be subsumed or made into a portmanteau. They are all there and each one deserves its unique corner.

This is a book to return to time and again.

[Sofia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a copy of The Roles We Play by the lovely Sabba back in June and had the pleasure of reading it over the summer but have only just got around to reviewing it. The delay is partly because of life and partly because I just don’t know if I can do this gorgeous graphic novel justice.

Sabba sets the scene with a number of questions how to do this? Where to start? What does it feel like to belong? What does it mean to belong? What’s home? And with that she’s sets off with the reader on this richly illustrated odyssey exploring the British Pakistani diaspora experience. A journey of truth finding, meaning making, brave curiosity, courageous self exploration and expression. It feels trite to talk about “seeing myself”, and I did but I saw so much more, I saw Sabba and her honesty. I could tell you that she talks about religion, Islam, feminism, colonialism, racism, culture, family but it’s so much more, it’s so much more! It’s also poetry and philosophy, psychology and history, it is art.

So here it is, my 💯 inadequate review. I want to buy separate pages as artwork to adorn my walls and I want to urge all of you to buy copies for yourselves, your friends, your families.

If you’re not usually a nonfiction reader but want to take part in #nonfictionnovember perhaps try this stunning debut graphic memoir by Sabba Khan.

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably I have mentioned this many times on the blog but immigration stories fascinate me, mainly because I can relate to them in some way or another (you can read my ‘about’ section for my story). Just the whole concept of being in another country, not really knowing what your homeland is , or trying to adapt to one’s homeland – as in my case is a topic I never tire of.

Sabba Khan’s graphic novel is all about this topic: Sabba is born in the UK of Pakistani parents and the comic details her conflicts in trying to please her parents and yet attempt to belong to a white skinned society. This is pulled off in many poignant scenes: Sabba Khan rebelling against the headscarf, enrolling in art school, her conflicts with the patriarchal society, even after an encounter with Pakistan immigrants leave her debating her authenticity.

The drawings are heavy with symbolism pertaining to the themes in the book. my personal favourite one describes the difference between fitting in and belonging while the author is trying to fit into a box. It’s worth noting the art style changes according to the situation, beautiful two page spreads also share space with blurred lines.

The Roles we Play won the Jhalak Prize , which is a book award for people of colour, this year, also the first time a graphic novel has done so. Roles is a rich , mind expanding piece of work that just has to be read. Whether one is an immigrant or not, this book focuses on identity , and in one poignant bit towards the end, it does state that gender, race, colour etc are all social constructs and that it is our individuality which counts – something I agree with wholly.

[Varsha Ravi]

The Roles We Play by Sabba Khan is easily one of the best graphic memoirs that I’ve read in recent years. It’s an intimate and deeply thought provoking memoir of the author’s journey to better understand herself, her cultural identity and heritage and trying to find a sense of belonging in a place that always sees her as other. It moves seamlessly between her childhood, the story of her ancestry and how they came to migrate to the UK leaving behind all that was familiar for her family. Being brought up in a traditional and religious Muslim household, as an adult she later begins to question (in order to better understand) the principles of her faith, the inherent patriarchal beliefs and structure. On the one side feeling the pull of western ideas of individualism and assimilation and on the other, more deeply rooted ideologies of conservatism, sense of duty and subserviance towards family and elders of her faith. The sense of dichotomy and self actualization is portrayed in a stunningly metaphorical way in her art. The illustrations are gorgeous, I loved the simplicity of her style but also appreciated how she illustrates and visualizes these complex ideas and questions. It’s book of many layers, and as a longer graphic memoir, the author does full justice to the themes she sought to unpack. I can’t recommend it highly enough and it’s firmly placed itself as one of my favourite graphic memoirs.

[Rod Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are interesting ideas and experiences in here, but I'm a stickler for structure and this flits about hither and yon, leaving me lagging behind and unwilling to catch up as it asks more questions than it answers. Also, it's the second book this week to tell me what music to listen to as I read it, and I'm not liking that trend.

[Keshav · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sabba Khan trained to be an architect (to her Asian parents this was hardly impressive: going into a man's world and yet not to a field 'prestigious' enough, such as medicine) and this is obvious to see in her unsettling use of space - transparent and hyperreal drawings of her homes, the font size used throughout so tiny that it could only be used for labelling floor plans, multiple panels of Escher-like impossible constructions, vast pages left entirely untouched except for pencil thin lines. And yet, even such empty spaces bear her mark, courtesy her fantastic use of a sombre white+salmon colour palette for backgrounds, with deeper shades of salmon for the foreground, and all of it rendered on paper that resembles cardboard or pulp with artificial blemishes.

If the style by itself wasn't remarkable enough (it was, I bought a copy in amazement and without looking further!), the story - despite being a familiar one: a 2nd generation immigrant finding her identity split between proud, segregated/marginalised parents and she having to shape her own: between choosing either of those or assimilating/integrating - a tale relatable for every person who undergoes such dramatic change in their environment - is rendered in rich detail, with insights that I'm convinced can only be achieved by the subset of comic book authors who frequent shrinks.

Sabba's father is depicted as an upright and stalwart public figure but one who nonetheless abused his wife, her mother in turn assumed the role of 'the narcissist' to her obedient, compliant, 'co-dependant' young(er) daughter. As a child Sabba was the anti-thesis to her older sister and felt compelled to comply with (among other things) the strict set of religious standards in Islam, with its unmistakable public markers for women. Later in life Sabba is able to assess this relationship with perspective, stops sharing her room with her mother (at the ripe young age of ... 23!), question religious dogmas, and (alarmingly vindictive and possibly indicative of unconscious/residual Islamophobia for woke-types(?)) eventually decides to give up on the hijab, to initial chagrin but eventual acceptance (even of her 2 piece bikini swimsuit at a public beach (but they chose a secluded spot)) of her mother. Her illustration of this internal struggle and rationalisation of past and future decisions makes for an educative and absorbing read, while she finding love in later life is heart-warming.

The other illuminating bit for me was that about 2/3rds of Pakistani immigrants to the UK trace their journey to a single monumental decision - that of the building of the Mangla dam on the Indus (which, incidentally, is close to the border with India). More than 28k hectares - an area comparable to 7 boroughs of present day London - were inundated in this project. The displaced people, high on the commonwealth dream, found themselves unmoored in an alien land, struggled to find meaningful work outside of their predominantly agrarian and related skills, and were relegated to jobs deemed unfit to all but the most desperate white men. That the members of this displaced community, yanked out from their flooded homes brutally and abruptly, finding themselves (e.g.) navigating the dark underbelly of London as tube drivers and coming back to a home culture which was no champion of the rights of women created less than ideal environments for holistic growth of their immigrant and racially different kids is hardly surprising. And yet Khan has synthesized all this with her indomitable creative spirit, obsessive precision that is doubtless the product of her training as an architect, glorious smatterings of pan-Indian culture (bollywood VHS rental stores and Mohammad Rafi songs), and a heart which has matured to kindness. A thoroughly fulfilling read and definitely recommended!

[Elise · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't really write reviews anymore, but this book is too good not to say a few words about it.

Per Sabba Khan's author's note in the back of the book, this graphic novel explores the "complexities of life" in such a way that I've really never read before. She explores the concept of "home" in all of its safety and danger, how we enter into it, leave it, and have to build a home somewhere else when our original home is threatened. For some, it's a literal threat: war, societal upheaval, abuse, etc. For others, it's more metaphysical: losing your religion or paradigm, alienation & othering, etc. Khan explores these concepts both literally and figuratively through her experiences living in the Pakistani diaspora in the UK. What I loved about this book was its honesty; the internal, and cultural struggles she experiences within her own family unit, as well as never feeling as though she belongs in her external cultural unit.

Khan starts with the macro: culture, society, race, gender, class division, etc., and breaks it down into the micro, the issues of the heart. She reflects on the changing relationship with her mother, often fraught with difficulty, misunderstanding, and disappointment, and how to find her way back to her "first home," her mother's heart. It was a beautiful beautiful ending, full of honesty but also hope.

Sabba Khan's debut graphic novel can't help but cause you to reflect on your own complexities and areas of hurt, pain, growth, and what brings you joy. A very emotional read.

[Greg S · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wanted to read something that might help me make sense of the recent white race riots in England. This is a graphic memoir of a British Pakistani woman tracing her parents' journey from their homeland in Pakistan to settling in England. It details the confusion that can come when you are told to leave the only place you have even known as home by people who think you don't belong there.

The Roles We Play is consistently breathtaking with its stunning mix of architectural drawings, portraiture, classic comic, and almost textbook-like diagrams and charts. Pages of black and white turn into washes of greys before you turn the page to a shout of gorgeous colour.

You can really sense Sabba Khan having fun with the form. Nothing is linear. And so we get a life story/stories that is also non-linear. It jumps around as she tries to make sense of herself, her culture, her religion; her essence refracted through her family members' journeys.

[Natalie Park · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a memoir told in a graphic novel format about home, family, identity and belonging. The author contemplates the impact that our parents/their histories, religion, country and culture have on how we see ourselves and how others see us. She goes most deeply into her relationship with her mother that formed many of her beliefs in childhood and still working through as an adult, to the relationship with her partner which gave her a different view of belonging and acceptance. I loved the stories told through the drawings themselves which only added to the story’s text. She also references a certain song at the beginning of each chapter. I enjoyed playing that song while reading the chapter — a soundtrack to this story of her life.

[acorn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Creative, powerful, interesting

This graphic novel delves into themes of belonging, privilege, and the experience of being a second generation immigrant in England. I loved the unique formatting of the story and gorgeous illustrated representation of the topics. I feel very glad to have read this because I learned a lot.

[Lu · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Give me an archaic knowledge, an old knowledge, a knowledge that holds all bodies and minds. One that serves inside and out. Tangible and intangible. Individual and collective.”

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's much to admire in this important, Jhalak-Prize-winning memoir about the experience of being a second-generation Kashmiri Muslim migrant in London. Sabba Khan poignantly captures her own pain as she struggles between being a 'good girl' carrying on her family's legacy and her own wish to stop wearing a head covering and, eventually, to question her religion. She writes beautifully about her relationship with her mother, with whom she shared a bed until she was twenty-three, and who is the source of both deep love and resentment. My hesitation is that I'm not sure this really worked as a graphic memoir, even though there are some brilliant panels (pp. 54-55, where Khan stares down into an empty gulf that spans two pages after being unable to speak about her experience of racist abuse, is devastating). It's very wordy and a bit too didactic for my tastes. Some of the more text-based sections are vital: for example, when Khan tells us about her family's displacement after the building of the Mangla Dam in the 1960s, which drowned their village and surrounding cities. Other, overwritten passages tell us things we already know from the more emotional sections of the book: 'our friendship was left quivering and fractured under the weight of sacrosanct religious beliefs and violent events' or 'the only way to dismantle this centuries old stronghold is for all genders to work together.' I'm glad I read this, but I was left wondering if it would have worked better in a different form. 3.5 stars.

[Carly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really excited to read this book as I like reading memoirs by authors that come from different backgrounds and talk about their culture. The book is informative, sharing with readers how it felt being raised by a muslim family. It has got nice drawings and colour palette. I had high hopes but ended up disappointed.

Why? The book doesn’t do a great job in storytelling. For me, humour and critiques are essential in storytelling, especially in autobiography. Like when the author can mock or laugh at themselves, it creates an engaging storytelling. Despite all the qualities that would make this a great book, the narrative falls flat to me.

The narrative comes across as monotonous, at times whiny (without resolve or injecting dark humour). It feels like the narrative hasn’t accepted their identity and complexity, hence is not able to laugh at themselves and show vulnerability. What the book did is showing that she was hurt, and it was probably good for her to get those feelings out, but it isn’t enough to warrant a good storytelling to me.

[Salma · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first book I’ve seen authored by another pothwari-speaking British (Azad) Kashmiri and it was written and illustrated so beautifully! I feel heard. The representation so many young kashmiri gals have always craved 🥺🥺 thank you for a beautiful piece of work thag touches upon so many of the struggles we face from meddling two cultures to moral doubt. Love !!!!

[Steph van Stokkom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book I’ve read since Yolk

[Frida · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m not sure why but the main character annoyed me.

[Elena L. · Rating 4 out of 5]

"We are living reminders of the empire's history."

This is a graphic memoir about Sabba Khan, a Pakistani Muslim living in East London. As a second-generation immigrant, she grapples with familial expectations while trying to fit in contemporary spaces.

This book covers her parents' trauma being children of Partition, devastated by political/cultural/religious conflicts between India and Pakistan and afterwards, displaced. Stripped of belonging, Khan is eager to connect with her heritage even though she fights her traditions during the process of assimilation. Beyond 'depressing', Khan's perseverance to fight back and break the cycle (of societal expectations about women) inspires us. I appreciate reading about Kashmir, part of history I know very little.

Khan offers an intense examination of racism, colonialism, gender, religion, culture and class. This graphic novel makes us reflect on the complexity of identity, which one dives together with the author into the essence. Ultimately, WHAT IS HOME, MUM? is an intimate narrative that conveys the power of vulnerability, able to heal souls. Dense, touching and thought-provoking, readers will need to take their time to savor it.

(note: the afterword is beautiful)

[ I received a complimentary copy from the publisher - Street Noise . All opinions are my own ]

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deep respect for the author, in sharing her experience of life as a Pakistani Muslim woman. From a dip into the British colonisation of her country, Partition, she moves onto her life in the UK from age 7, stifled by sexism in the home and racism outside it. As she grows up she finds her own expression of faith, somewhat in order to escape the prejudice towards women who cover their faces. Another religion that is male gender biased, and another strong woman finding her way, despite that.

[Jeev · Rating 4 out of 5]

A different reading experience (graphic novel), not sure the how to assign a rating to a book which is essentially a different medium

It was wholesome and not too heavy, despite the topics mentioned. I felt Like I didn’t appreciate the illustration as much as I should have, but there were some pages where the illustrations provided the text with more impact.

Great recommendation Omaira.

[Lucia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in one sitting and challenge anyone to try and get up from their chair before finishing. Conversations about religion, immigration, identity, home, family, colonization, imperialism, gender- all accompanied by a personalized soundtrack made by Khan for each chapter. My favorite book of 2023.

[Haley Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really really good. Some of the most beautiful writing I have ever read. Plus, amazing illustration. I think I can’t give it the full 5 stars though because things felt a little all over the place and I never felt fully immersed in the read. Maybe that’s the point. Idk. Love it though

[Steph Medlock · Rating 5 out of 5]

introspective!!!! gorgeous art + thoughts about belonging

[Tara Mickela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Graphic novels are the perfect receivers and transmitters of human emotional conflict, and never have I seen this better communicated than in this beautiful literary architecture of Sabba Khan.

[Jess Maughan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quite Possible is the most beautiful book I've ever experienced. Have read it twice already, and as an avid hater of graphic novels, this transforms reading into something unexplainable with beautiful graphics, a musical accompaniment, and gorgeous imagery of tackling Identity divisions.

[BiblioBeruthiel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a mixed bag for me. I wanted to like it a lot more than I actually honestly did. It did a number of things that I don't really like in graphic novels or books in general (large sections of text in a gn, small and less readable font, jumping through time and topic, a lot of philosophical sections and philosophy references). However, I think it's stunningly gorgeous at times and has some really important things to say about really important topics so I rated it more based off of its positives than its negatives.

[fatma]

this sounds so good!!!!

(it's published in the UK under the title, The Roles We Play)

[Solveig Kleese · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful book. Really immersive reading experience with the drawings and associated playlist. Beautiful drawings. Informative and very readable. Highly recommend.

[Keen Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

We see some interesting tensions and ruptures emerge between Individualism v Collectivism Religion v Consumerism and Tradition v Modern in this reflective memoir. How displacement and disorientation echoes out and resonates down the generations in so many confusing and frustrating ways, often surfacing at highly inopportune moments as she tries to discover her true self and form her own identity and understand what is meant by freedom.

There’s a lot going on here with this graphic novel, and it sometimes appears to lose its way, struggling to make its point, in the earlier stages but there’s always enough to make it worthwhile and it comes together better the longer it builds. I found it both amusing and ironic the story of someone from South Asia goes from being in one of the elite in a caste system to one of the lowest in the country of their adoption and all through nothing more than the accident of birth.

As she begins to pose some huge and important questions about the religion which has been forced upon her, she starts to pick away at the fabric of it and as the threads begin to come apart revealing the many ludicrous contradictions and other puzzling aspects to it, which no one can seem to provide straight or clear answers to. And it soon appears that a culture of faith, piety and tradition is actually closer to one of control, intolerance and ignorance.

This seemed a little slow to get going but it grew more coherent with each chapter and you could see what the author was building towards, the art work is strong and isn't afraid to branch out in some memorable and playful ways, and overall I ended up really enjoying this.

[Fitra Rahmamuliani · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this incredible book and I'm still in awe of its impact. The author shares their experiences as an Islamic family living abroad, tackling topics like cultural differences, religious beliefs, and the questioning of hijab and its connection to spirituality. Each chapter is a thought-provoking journey into the author's mind and experiences, making the reader reflect on their own life and beliefs.

One of the most powerful aspects of the book is the author's personal story about breaking cultural norms by drawing humans/animals. This highlights the cultural differences they face and the acceptance/rejection they encounter, and it's a testament to the power of individual action and the importance of embracing one's own beliefs and values.

The illustrations in the book, while different from what I'm used to, perfectly complement the author's words and add to the impact of the story. They bring the author's experiences and reflections to life and make the book even more engaging.

In addition to its thought-provoking content, "The Roles We Play" is also filled with valuable religious knowledge. The author shares their own beliefs and experiences, as well as historical and cultural insights, providing a comprehensive look at the role of religion in everyday life.

Overall, I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking thought-provoking, reflective content. The author's personal experiences, cultural insights, and religious knowledge make "The Roles We Play" an invaluable resource for anyone looking to gain a deeper understanding of Islam and its role in modern society. The ending of the book is fantastic and will leave you with a new perspective on the world. This is a must-read for anyone looking for a meaningful and engaging read!

[Marko8 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! What an amazing graphic novel.

Here are the points of my review:

1) Duration: This book definitely took me many days (while working full-time and living life in London) as I summoned the courage, energy and being in the right mindset, as well as having the appropriate space to receive this. Reading about people's journeys, pains and healing are topics I for sure don't find the easiest to tackle, as I am certain a lot of people can relate with, but that I find myself craving and wanting to read. There is no shame at all in this and I find it beautiful to be part as an observer and reader of individual and collective healing and at the same time relate to parts and feel part myself of this collective healing and thus progress with my individual healing. It's all a beautiful circle.

2) art: I love the art style. I can feel the sorrow, the hurt and sadness, as well the exploration through how Sabba Khan's drawings, especially the faces and bodies. Beautiful, smart and feel-inducing art. I also loved the use of color and I found the creativity in portraying certain concepts brilliant.

3) content: I love the structure of different phases and topics. I feel honored to be a reader and shown of Sabba Khan's journey, the pains, the questioning and the lack of answers from the previous generation, the seeking and paving of new paths and independence, the taught behaviour of obedience and eventually the acceptance and healing. I can very much relate to these experiences. Even though of not the same religion and ethnicity I found so many points I could connect with and in those moments I felt seen, understood, soothed, connected and healed to some part.

I think this is such an important book to read and I would undeniably recommend. Thank you for creating this and sharing it with the world Sabba Khan.