A Tale Etched in Blood and Hard Black Pencil

by Christopher Brookmyre

Of all writers practising what might loosely be called crime fiction today, Christopher Brookmyre is the one who lends himself least easily to categorisation. There are those eccentric titles, for a start: such as the latest one: A Tale Etched in Blood and Hard Black Pencil. This unwieldy title (as often before) gives an indication of the sardonic quality of his writing, and in that, Brookmyre is reminiscent of his great American colleague, Carl Hiaasen. Like Hiaasen, too, Brookmyre favours eccentric and outrageous plots, but there is always a strong grounding in reality, which gives the humour a decidedly bitter edge.

Internet contact between ex-school friends these days leads to some disturbing encounters, and Brookmyre's version of the scenario is typically murderous. Brookmyre is interested in whether or not the index to future of violent behaviour might be discerned in the school playground. DS Karen Gillespie is bemused by a cack-handed attempt at burning a pair of bodies; this takes place outside Glasgow (in fact, in the area in which she grew up). And in a nearby lodge, strange attempts have been made to clean up what appears to be the same crime, but (as a pathologist points out), everything here is handled as maladroitly as the murder. Two suspects appear, but when Karen discovers that they were at primary school together (along with one of the murder victims), things begin to look like a grisly version of Friends Reunited.

Brookmyre readers will know exactly what to expect from this scenario, and they won't be disappointed. If the level of invention is not as delirious as in previous books, Karen Gillespie is as quirkily characterised as ever.

--Barry Forshaw

Genres: Crime, Fiction, Humor, Mystery, Scotland, Thriller, Audiobook

408 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2006

About the author

Christopher Brookmyre is a Scottish novelist whose novels mix politics, social comment and action with a strong narrative. He has been referred to as a Tartan Noir author. His debut novel was Quite Ugly One Morning, and subsequent works have included One Fine Day in the Middle of the Night, which he said "was just the sort of book he needed to write before he turned 30", and All Fun and Games until Somebody Loses an Eye (2005). Brookmyre also writes historical fiction with Marisa Haetzman, under the pseudonym "Ambrose Parry."

Reviews

[Apu · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book on a whim in a charity shop, seduced by the bizarre title. One page in, no, make that a couple of paragraphs in and I'm seriously thinking I've wasted £1, I'm never going to finish this book. The problem? Scottish accents! They're bad enough coming out of people's mouths, but at least you can infer much from body-language and tone and if that fails, ask the speaker to repeat themselves. You don't understand them the second time either, but at least the exasperated look on their faces is worth it!

Anyway, heavy Scottish accents, on paper?

I have now given it five, yes FIVE stars! I grew to enjoy the accent as my brain and inner voice started to work in conjunction. The story is interestingly told. In the present day, there are about six characters all related to a couple of murders, be it investigating, being accused of or friends or relatives of them. As the tale unfolds, you get multi-character flashbacks that take you through the school journey of around twenty different people! Don't worry, its not confusing and it can be followed.

Its these flashbacks that have led me to give the book a five. I can relate to those flashbacks. I was one of those kids (Martin). I can see in all the other characters similarities to many people that I went to school and if truth be told, I'd forgotten about. I recognised the angst. The politics. The fear of being bullied. The fear of being different and the conflicting struggle to be an individual. The school is shit and it is in a shit area, just like my school. Whilst I would never want to relive it, it was hugely enjoyable following all these characters.

In the end, it's all brought together neatly and elegantly.

This book is a great read. And it'll teach you Scottish.

[Maria Lyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have most of Christopher Brookmyre’s novels and really rate him. This is one of my very favourites. Maybe it’s 5 stars because I grew up at the same time as this novel is set , attending a primary school less than 15-20 miles away from this fictional one.....but it must be more than that, looking at the positive reviews from those who have never set foot in Scotland! He enters the mind of school age children so effectively and captures the world. And the mystery element is great. Hugely recommended.

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

great slang, great swearing, tight plot - a splendid holiday read.

very sharp on the short lifetime of the vernacular in schools - I'm old enough to remember the arrival and departure of "is it chook" as an expression of disbelief, and smiled fondly on seeing it in print.

and I have absolutely avoided spoilers - just read and go with the flow!

[Neil · Rating 4 out of 5]

All the adult victims, suspects, and investigators went to school together. This story goes back and forth, covering 1st to 13th grade, and the present where 2 of them are dead.

[The Cats’ Mother · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't enjoy this as much as most of the others of his that I've read, plot not as interesting, too much time on the flashbacks with overly detailed play by play descriptions of school football games and discos, and no characters you can like. It wasn't very funny and the murder mystery not that clever. I like sarcastic black humour but the viciousness of the kids behaviour and casual sadism shown by and towards the kids by both teachers and some of the parents just left a really bad taste in my mouth. It certainly makes me wonder whether my school years were just really lucky, or did Brookmyre have a terrible time of it. There's a lot of 80s scene setting especially with the musical and fashion references, which was amusing since I'm about the same age as his characters, and I do recognise the obsessions and motivations of many of the kids, although I grew up in London not Glasgow (thankfully.)
You have to bear with or understand a lot of the Scottish slang - it would've been good to know about the glossary at the back to avoid the time wasted trying to google terms like Boat House!

Summary: Martin, sleazy media lawyer, is called back to his Glasgow roots by an old school friend to help defend him from a murder charge as he's been caught disposing of two bodies. One of the victims and the investigating police officer were also all at school together. As more is revealed about each character and their history, your sympathies shift, which is the clever bit, and the reason it still gets 3 stars, and the truth behind the killings is revealed.

[Lilly Wood · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would have been happy if this was at least twice as long hehe

[ML Downie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Made me laugh out loud a few times and even talk with a Scottish accent.

[Zoya · Rating 3 out of 5]

dnf at 50%
great fun and 80s-90s nostalgy
original plot
just couldn't concentrate and lost interest
no idea what happened

[David Nelson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Recommended by Emma and Jim - Emma I may need your help on clearing up a point or two...

So in general I enjoyed this, but it was flawed, and I think I missed a few things.

The school-years sections were definitely my favourite parts. I recognised quite a lot of general childhood tropes in there, as well as some typically Scottish ones. The writing was often really funny - seeing a Primary One kid's thoughtful, very rational inner-monologue and reasoning versus what actually happened or was said was a fantastic juxtaposition. There was a lot to relate to, and I found the school yard politics really interesting, and enjoyed seeing the characters develop.

The present day murder mystery stuff was less strong. My big complaint is that it took a really long time for me to match up the various characters involved in the present day to their school equivalents. This was partly because there were so many characters and it all jumped about a lot, but also it was massively obfuscated by all the nicknames and stuff. I'd say for probably the first half of the book at least I didn't have some of the important characters matched up in my head, so I think I missed a lot of both nuance in the character development, as well as some outright important plot points. I reckon some of that's on me, but some of it is down to poor writing. When I did make these connections though I did enjoy seeing how the characters changed, and thought it was clever how Brookmyre made you change your opinion of them as they grow up, and more is revealed about their personal lives - how and why they behave the way they do.

Possibly as a consequence of this I am not sure I have fully understood the ending. Spoilers ahead... I do not understand Eleanor's role in what happened - she was obviously involved from what is covered in the last exchange, but I am not sure how. And I am also not sure WHY Robbie and James are even trying to hide these bodies in the first place. The whole crux of the story is that these guys are clearly guilty, except that it turns out they're not. Why did they bother putting themselves in SERIOUS shit and making themselves look guilty of murder when they could've just called it in? And if it was actually Eleanor who was the one who witnessed this, why didn't SHE just call it in? As far as I can gather none of the two/three of them did anything illegal, or had anything to protect. I don't get the motive at all.

The ending left me feeling a bit annoyed and unfulfilled, but overall I did enjoy the writing and black sense of humour, and think I will check out more of his work.

[eggophilia · Rating 5 out of 5]

You know the feeling that you get when you pick a book randomly out of the bookshelf in a book store or a library, hoping it would be at least not a total sh*t, and it turns out to be a great book? That was how I feel about this book.

It was not totally random, actually. Thanks to Nick Hornby, lately I'm a sucker for anything British. Nope. 90s-to date novels by British male writer, to be precise. This book had a quote from Guardian's review on the cover 'Looks back with a painfully accurate eye... One of the funniest writers in Britain' British and funny. Plus I like the cover. I was so buying it.

It turned out that it's actually Scot instead of British. Same difference? English is already not my first language (third, if you count Sundanese). But after I survived the Scottish dialect, I really enjoyed the book. It IS funny. Cleverly written. Twists that keep you from putting it down. A long journey for the characters, and you seek longingly for the connection. Which kid grew up to be which adult. How they are so different, yet so similar. And the funny thing is, I spent my childhood thousands of miles apart, totally different culture, yet I can totally relate to them (I think I was Helen, if not the girl version of Marty).

After 200 pages or so and I'd already figured out at least 75% of the Scottish, I just realized that there was a glossary on the back. A bit late but still came in handy, not only for reading this book but also for general purpose especially if you plan to go to Scotland. Such as this one

ginger Generic term for carbonated minerals. Despite billions of dollars spent on brand recognition and advertising, in Glasgow, Coke, Pepsi, Seven-Up and Sprite are all referred to as 'ginger'.

or this one

fitba Popular team sport known in some quarters as 'soccer', invented and given to the world by the Scots. English claims to have invented it rest on their having the first Football Association, which proves only that they invented football bureaucracy. Thanks a pantload, guys. You form yet another bloody committee and a hundred years later, we had to put up with Jim Farry.

Shite. Now I have to look for another Christopher Brookmyre's book.

[Wendle · Rating 5 out of 5]

((School kids + growing up) x murder) ^ so many Scottish colloquialisms there was a glossary.

This book has such a simple premise, and that's just the kind of Brookmyre set-up that i love. It allows the flow and the details to really stand out and i get much more easily lost in the book. The only thing i struggled with was keeping track of all the characters (I mistook Martin and Colin for the same character for far too long; regardless of, you know, their names).

Brookmyre also starts this book with a chapter that is entirely dialogue. He's done a few chapters like this before and i really love it. Though it's quite a shock to get the the second chapter and discover the book is written in present tense, which is something Brookmyre has not done before. Once i got into a session of reading, i didn't notice the present tense at all, but every time i picked the book up to start reading some more, i'd have the same 'Woah, that's weird' reaction for a minute.

The book swaps between school days, going from primary all the way through until the end of secondary, and 'present day'. It's a swap that flows easily, with names and nicknames evolving and keeping the divide easy to spot.

Brookmyre books usually leave me thinking in a Scottish accent for a day or two, but this one was packed SO full of Scottish slang, i don't know how long it will last. Just today i've used the phrase 'fucking yes', and the word 'greet' out loud.

I stated myself that the premise of the book is a simple one, and that i liked that, which i do. But i also think i was expecting a little more from the ending. I don't know whether to blame myself for having that expectation, or Brookmyre for having previously given me that expectation. But whatever, it's still five stars.

[Scurra · Rating 4 out of 5]

A psychological thriller in which we get to go inside the minds of a whole cast of characters; but rather than explore the complexities of adult life, this book uses the far more traumatic and scarring experience of going to school when personalities are shaped in ways that we never quite understand in later life.

From the first day at primary (when the children learn a lot more than just their names) to the last day at high school (when some long buried truths suddenly come to light) this is clever, funny, sad, everything you want really. The characters voices are crisp and clear, even if you have to remember to pay attention as the nicknames by which they are known continually change, and the various paths that lead them to the tangled and inexplicable crime all feel right - there's even a bit of redemption and closure for many of them which is terrific.

One of the real highlights of the story is the way it allow him to explore the evolving use of language cleverly (the dizzying way in which slang arrives from thin air and then departs; how swearing is used as a grammatical tool, the different levels of maturity and immaturity of the characters etc.) Sure, the glossary is a bit of a cheat, to make it look more convincing, but that's a small nit-pick.

As a crime novel, this is OK. A plausible range of suspects are introduced and means, motive and opportunity are all present and correct even if the critical piece of evidence is withheld until the dénouement. But that's all secondary to the school story - and how wonderfully real it is.

[Charlie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A murder has been committed. But, who done it?
In a small rural community, most of the adults have known each other since they were children at school together.
The book travels back and forth between the adults, their reactions to the murder and attempts to find out what happened, and their former selves as children at school where they got to know each other and grew up together. The sneekiness of the plot hinges on the fact that the children sometimes knew each other by nicknames and by surnames, whereas adults they tend to refer to each other more by christian names. This means that you spend a lot of the book trying to work out which child is which adult.

It is a lighthearted book a quick read and a real page turner. There really is nothing very deep abuot it, but it is a lot of fun and keeps you guessing until almost the last minute.

[Lila · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Brookmyre's language, but this is not his best effort. This mystery had so many Scottish schoolyard neologisms that the author provided a glossary at the end of the book to help the reader. School memories at a Catholic school over the passage of many years as experienced by one group of kids is interlaced with the experiences of two now adult figures, a police woman and a media-connected lawyer, trying to sort out a murder. Those who know Brookmyre's take on Catholic schools should not be surprised that school officials do not come off well. This is another Brookmyre that will not be easily found in the US.

[Dave Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolute joy

I thought I'd read every Brookmyre , the sheer joy of coming across this hitherto undiscovered treasure. I absolutely loved this , though if not from the west of Scotland read the glossary first, in fact take an O level in it. I burst out laughing umpteen times, ok the murder plot is paper thin , but the banter transported me back decades. Paisley buddies look away now , having worked in Paisley over the last few years they really are a cult unto themselves. Brookmyre the lapsed Catholic with the downer on Celtic typifies my experience. Great book, great fun, there is No Old Firm.

[Stuart · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really not sure about this one. Firstly the language is really crude. Secondly I am not sure if I put as much thought into my classmates as these characters do. Above all, however, I am hopeless with names and this novel had not only numerous characters in two different eras but also nicknames. But it was a smart story line with some clever and funny insights into the minds and actions of developing adolescents. Maybe this should be required reading at teacher training colleges. And I did not work out 'who dunnit'.

[Eleanor · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't usually read mystery books so I'm not sure if my opinion counts for much, however this story fell flat for me. It was an interesting concept but i found myself skim reading the school story sections. I also found the slang language hard to read and digest even though I'm Glaswegian myself.

[Kirsty Marie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've liked every Brookmyre book I've read but I didn't enjoy this so much.

[Sue Corbett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this. Some hilarious episodes, great fun, good plot, a few twists. Not totally hanging together. Although I guessed about halfway through, still thoroughly enjoyed it.

[Mindy McAdams · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, wow! What a satisfying, funny, intriguing read this was! I saw Brookmyre recommended as a Scottish crime novelist and then came across this book in a used-book store, the only Brookmyre they had, so it was a random choice and my good fortune. I appreciated the structure of it, starting with a crime in the present and then promptly going back to the primary-school years of the two dead men, two suspects, and a police detective. Most of the story is about these five kids and a few select others, all of them together for all their school years in a neighborhood of Glasgow in the 1970s and '80s. The present-day adult matters slide in regularly, for brief intervals. It's hard to see the connections at first, but they begin to appear, and you'll see signs of the adults in the children.

The many horrors of schooldays are played out with pitch-perfect accuracy. There are horrible teachers, humiliations, bullies, "sooks" (suck-ups), playground dramas, and all the angst you don't want to remember—usually described with fantastic humor. I began to think the schooldays were the whole point and the (adult) crime was just an afterthought, but it's all much more clever than that.

There was a point late in the book where I still didn't know key details about the crime, and I was feeling a bit doubtful — was this really going to pay off? Would these two timelines ever come together in a meaningful way? Ha, don't doubt this author. I liked the ending enormously.

.

[Kim Perkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was obsessed with the writing of when they were younger, never felt so engrossed in a story of children/teens the writing reminded me so much of school, but it was that good the mystery behind it all fell a bit flat for me, I was almost disappointed when we went back to adult life, but great read!

[Lynn Glencorse · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not one of Brookmyre's better novels, in my opinion.

Normally I very much enjoy Brookmyre's books and would go as far as to say that some of them have made me laugh the most I've ever laughed while reading. I admire his work but this one missed the mark for me.

First off I found there were far, far too many characters. Throw into this the fact that a lot of them have nicknames or are referred to simply by their last name and I'm totally lost. And then those self same characters are spanning two time periods! It was too confusing for me.

I enjoyed the sections that were set during the school days from primary to high school. Having been born and bred in Scotland and therefore having been through the Scottish school system, I found the description of the school years very relatable. I appreciated the typically Scottish childhood tropes which Brookmyre described perfectly.

The present day scenes, however, and the police investigation (which would normally be right up my street) didn't quite work for me. The storyline was very tenuous and confusing and at the end I wasn't entirely sure what I, as a reader, was even waiting to be revealed. Who dunnit? Done what was my question.

This novel won't put me off reading those of Brookmyre's books still on my to read list mind you. An author can rarely get it spot on with ever single book.

[Ian Mapp · Rating 2 out of 5]

You do know what you are getting and I suppose that this doesn't disappoint too much but its like Hiaasen - too much of the same thing.

This starts with a present day multiple murder and then spends most of the rest of the book on the backstory. Its all very relevant if you grew up at the same time as brookmyre and the references to school days in the 80s brought a wry smile.

However, nostalgia is all a bit obvious really and in some ways smacks of laziness on the authors part. All cheap laughs.

The story is nonsense and the use of nicknames between the kids at school and the adults that have grown up and involved in the murder investigation makes the plot utterly confusing and too be honest, you dont care at all.

The most exciting thing concerning the story is the inner sleeve, where the concept of a murder mystery who-dun-it sounds appealing - but the reality is that you dont know who the characters are really.

No more than 2 stars for an average pageturner that makes no new ground.

[Rachael Hewison · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know what is going on between me and Brookmyre. We started off so well; he was on the verge of becoming one of my favourite authors but I have really struggled with the last couple of books of his.
Although I enjoyed this marginally better than Pandaemonium, it still wasn't a great book. It's split into two, one half follows the journey of a class of children from Reception up until Year 11 whilst the other half concentrates on some of those children grown up and trying to discover the identify of a murderer. I just couldn't link the two halves together and got lost as to who the children were and what was going on.
For the school half of the book I just couldn't see realistic children, they didn't talk or act like I remember kids doing when I was that age. I also got very confused as to who was who, especially as they kept changing nick names. For the present day half I found I didn't really care who was murdered by who.
It was a race to get to the end just so it was finished.

[Jayne Charles · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is nominally a crime novel, but with an interesting twist, in that the roots of the crime lay in the childhoods of the characters involved, all of which means we could go on a hilarious tour through their primary/secondary school years. This author has a firm handle on what makes children tick, and the shifting nature of friendships, as well as how incredibly cruel they can be to one another. I always wondered what rules governed the apparent free-for-all football sessions that went on during every break and lunch time at school, and now it has all been explained for me. There were some tremendous comedy set-pieces here too: the Betamax chapter was a particular highlight. I didn't fully understand the present-day crime sections: it was all a bit too complicated for my little brain, but with a back-story this good, who cares.

[Sharondblk · Rating 3 out of 5]

I kept on waiting for this to get better ... and it did not.
It tells the story of a number of people who went to school together, from their first day of school to the end of Form 5. It moved between this timeline, and and adult one where they are in their early to mid 30s and some have been accused of murder, and others are investigating it. There is a message in there, about class and pre-judging and expectations, but it was very heavy handed and boring. There is a description of a pick up soccer (oh sorry, "fitba") game that goes on for 3 pages. There are endless, nasty, boring classroom scenes and pranks. The adult relationships are interesting, but only form about 30 percent of the book.
I will say, the last page is touching and sweet. Was it worth wading through 500 pages of pretentious, class based ranting to get there? Probably not.

[Purple · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book, well written with the caustic tongue I've come to expect from Christopher Brookmyre. It switches nicely between now and then, and there are some great moments and situations. However, the main plot you kind of feel is being disguised a bit by the back and forth of the narrative.

The crime is not quite as clever and disturbing as usual, and the writing perhaps a little less turgid. Brookmyre never really gets into his stride with any of the rants that he is famed for.

So all in all, I'd say that this is the worst of his books. That by no means makes it bad, it is still considerably better than most of what the competition has to offer, but from Mr. Brookmyre I have come to expect just a little bit more.

[Steven Day · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having grown up in Glasgow I recognise a lot of the school chat from my younger days, it brought back some good, along with some not so good, memories along the way. The dialogue was good and the antics stuff that you could imagine your school friends and foes getting up to.

The murder story was a bit of a sideshow and didn't take up too much of the story but still decently written and enjoyable.

Brookmyre does show some of his contempt for certain Glasgow football clubs, it's his book, fair enough, I'd rather he kept this stuff out personally but I am biased, supporting one.

Enjoyable enough, humourous in parts and laugh out loud funny in others, particularly recommended if you went to school in the west of Scotland.

[Mark Cowen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Working my way through Christopher Brookmyre's back catalogue, and have enjoyed them all up until this one. A story in two time frames - an up to date murder investigation where all the protagonists (the police, the investigators, the witnesses and the victim) all went to school together. There's a back-and-forth describing school days which we all can recognise, and is well written, but is harshly interrupted by the present day murder. Of course, the two timelines come together in the end, but until that point, it was like you were reading two different books about two different sets of characters.

Not one of my favourites.....

[Alison Evans · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the story of murder set in Scotland, with the twist that most of the characters have known each other all through both primary and secondary school. Martin is now a show biz lawyer in London, but is summoned back to Scotland by Noodsy, now accused of murder. Karen is the investigating officer, who was the one who wet her knickers on the first day of primary school. The story proceeds with jumps between the current day and the ongoing relationships between the children as they grew up. I enjoyed it, but it isn't as funny as some of his other books.