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Joined: a memoir of marriage
Falling in love is easy.
Creating a life together is another story. . .
Joined is a real-life read, a true confession, a compelling story of life's many challenges and its few choices.
This is the fifth in Barbara Carter's memoir series, Barbara by the Bay (Mahone Bay, Nova Scotia).
It stands well on its own, not requiring the reader to have read any of the earlier books, although certainly knowing about her earlier life will enhance the experience of travelling with her into marriage and motherhood.
This is a story of the perseverance a woman needs while trying to make marriage work through a surprising barrage of adversity.
A 5-star Readers' Favorite:
A hard-hitting memoir. Provides an unbridled telling of the daily struggles of a difficult marriage.
The book takes the reader through emotional highs and lows, all the while holding out for her to find happiness and for Mike to face his demons head-on.
Recommended to anyone involved in a relationship where conflict is the norm rather than the exception
Creating a life together is another story. . .
Joined is a real-life read, a true confession, a compelling story of life's many challenges and its few choices.
This is the fifth in Barbara Carter's memoir series, Barbara by the Bay (Mahone Bay, Nova Scotia).
It stands well on its own, not requiring the reader to have read any of the earlier books, although certainly knowing about her earlier life will enhance the experience of travelling with her into marriage and motherhood.
This is a story of the perseverance a woman needs while trying to make marriage work through a surprising barrage of adversity.
A 5-star Readers' Favorite:
A hard-hitting memoir. Provides an unbridled telling of the daily struggles of a difficult marriage.
The book takes the reader through emotional highs and lows, all the while holding out for her to find happiness and for Mike to face his demons head-on.
Recommended to anyone involved in a relationship where conflict is the norm rather than the exception
203 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 15, 2022
4 people are currently reading
476 people want to read
About the author
Barbara Carter
9 books59 followersBARBARA CARTER
Visual Artist. Author. Instructor.
Barbara Carter writes real life stories that reads like good fiction.
Raw and real. Telling it like it is.
Dealing with issues we often do not want to talk about.
How we relate and how we fail to relate to one another.
Each book can be read as a stand alone, or in series order.
Though the first three books work best if read in order.
Carter's focus is to go back in order to heal and move forward.
Each memoir can be read as a stand alone, or in order.
Barbara Carter regularly published on Medium.com
https://medium.com/@barbaracarter_631...
Visual Artist. Author. Instructor.
Barbara Carter writes real life stories that reads like good fiction.
Raw and real. Telling it like it is.
Dealing with issues we often do not want to talk about.
How we relate and how we fail to relate to one another.
Each book can be read as a stand alone, or in series order.
Though the first three books work best if read in order.
Carter's focus is to go back in order to heal and move forward.
Each memoir can be read as a stand alone, or in order.
Barbara Carter regularly published on Medium.com
https://medium.com/@barbaracarter_631...
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
February 9, 2022
I set aside some time so I could read Barbara Carter's latest memoir in one sitting. I knew I'd get sucked into her writing as I always do and today was no exception.
In her previous installment, BC describes an aimless time of her life with longer sentences and rambling anecdotes. It truly depicted that time of youth when nothing seemed certain and there was no hint as to what was going to be important - or not. All that changes in this installment when the author meets her future husband and soon finds out she's pregnant.
From a private marriage ceremony after a snowstorm and a very traumatic delivery, this young couple has to cope with his days away at sea, money issues and isolation. A second pregnancy, then a third, and ongoing drinking problems add even more stress.
The narration marches on -inexorably - like life. Not waiting for the reader to take a breath - or be reassured.
The Job-like tale continues until BC begins to exert control, rather than letting events control her. She makes toys for the kids. She sews curtains. She quits smoking. She gets her GED. She makes art. She shows her art to others. She goes to Al Anon. She makes more art and puts herself out there.
The turn around doesn't happen in one day or even one year, the slight change in perspective, the small successes make all the difference.
And through it all the Carters stay together- joined - as the title says.
I really enjoyed the addition of photos to this memoir. Her artwork is stunning. The kids are gorgeous. And the photos show a time long since past - but very present to the reader through Barbara's words.
What a gift for her children and all of us!
In her previous installment, BC describes an aimless time of her life with longer sentences and rambling anecdotes. It truly depicted that time of youth when nothing seemed certain and there was no hint as to what was going to be important - or not. All that changes in this installment when the author meets her future husband and soon finds out she's pregnant.
From a private marriage ceremony after a snowstorm and a very traumatic delivery, this young couple has to cope with his days away at sea, money issues and isolation. A second pregnancy, then a third, and ongoing drinking problems add even more stress.
The narration marches on -inexorably - like life. Not waiting for the reader to take a breath - or be reassured.
The Job-like tale continues until BC begins to exert control, rather than letting events control her. She makes toys for the kids. She sews curtains. She quits smoking. She gets her GED. She makes art. She shows her art to others. She goes to Al Anon. She makes more art and puts herself out there.
The turn around doesn't happen in one day or even one year, the slight change in perspective, the small successes make all the difference.
And through it all the Carters stay together- joined - as the title says.
I really enjoyed the addition of photos to this memoir. Her artwork is stunning. The kids are gorgeous. And the photos show a time long since past - but very present to the reader through Barbara's words.
What a gift for her children and all of us!
February 12, 2022
Fifth Memoir in a Series
Fans of Barbara Carter’s previous four memoirs will want to read Joined the fifth in the series. Those who have read the previous memoirs will also understand why Barbara’s life is such a mess. In her first memoir, Floating in Salt Water, we meet Barbara as a child. Her family takes in boarders and foster children ranging from infants to senior citizens. Barbara vies for attention from a mother who hovers between being neglectful and over-protective.
By the time Barbara reaches her teens, it is little wonder she has a nervous breakdown as revealed in her second memoir Balancing Act. Her mother continues to keep a firm grip on her daughter’s life, even going so far as to destroy a relationship she has with an American boy who is visiting the area.
By the time Barbara turns sixteen, she is on Loose Gravel as her third memoir is apply named. She drops out of school, spends her nights in a haze of drugs and alcohol and even dabbles in criminal behavior. A gifted artist, she has inspirations of going to an art school but doesn’t know how to make this dream a reality.
Ain’t Easy is Carter’s fourth memoir in the series. Barbara continues her pattern of addiction and self destruction. Her drug of choice, however, is relationships. She goes from one man to another trying to find the love that is missing from her life.
In her latest memoir, Carter writes about meeting Mike, a fisherman, and the man who will later become her husband. They meet on a blind date set up by Barbara’s friend. After five days together, Barbara decides he’s the one for her. Mike goes to sea, and because of her low self-esteem, Barbara wonders if he will come back to her. Her only guarantee is that he leaves behind a stash of drugs.
While she waits for Mike to return, Barbara discovers she is pregnant by another man. Her friends suggest either an abortion or letting Mike believe the baby is his. “The timing is so close he won’t know the difference,” one friend tells her. However, abortion is out of the question, and Barbara has no intention of lying to Mike. She tells him about the pregnancy and to her surprise, Mike offers to marry her and raise the child as his own. They have known each other for a total of seventeen days.
They marry when Barbara is nearly seven months pregnant. However, the marriage is not one of bliss (at least, in the early days). Although Mike is a good, decent man who loves Barbara and loves her child as his own, he is addicted to drugs and alcohol. Like any alcoholic, he often puts his addiction before his family. When he comes home after weeks at sea he prefers to spend his time with his drinking buddies than with his family. To add to her misery, Barbara’s nagging mother lives across the road from her, trying to control her life as she had done since Barbara was a teenager.
Barbara soon finds herself with two children under the age of two. Because she is alone and lonely, she engages in some of the same destructive behaviours and bad choices she did as a teen. One of those choices leads to serious consequences that nearly destroy her marriage.
An added bonus in the book, are photographs at the end of each chapter. One of the more poignant pictures is taken just after Barbara’s wedding. She is seven months pregnant, standing with her new husband in the snow outside a church.
Joined deals with addictions, infidelity, parenthood, and relationships. What makes the story so effective is that it is told with unflinching honesty. Those who enjoyed Carter’s earlier book will find her latest memoir just as compelling.
Fans of Barbara Carter’s previous four memoirs will want to read Joined the fifth in the series. Those who have read the previous memoirs will also understand why Barbara’s life is such a mess. In her first memoir, Floating in Salt Water, we meet Barbara as a child. Her family takes in boarders and foster children ranging from infants to senior citizens. Barbara vies for attention from a mother who hovers between being neglectful and over-protective.
By the time Barbara reaches her teens, it is little wonder she has a nervous breakdown as revealed in her second memoir Balancing Act. Her mother continues to keep a firm grip on her daughter’s life, even going so far as to destroy a relationship she has with an American boy who is visiting the area.
By the time Barbara turns sixteen, she is on Loose Gravel as her third memoir is apply named. She drops out of school, spends her nights in a haze of drugs and alcohol and even dabbles in criminal behavior. A gifted artist, she has inspirations of going to an art school but doesn’t know how to make this dream a reality.
Ain’t Easy is Carter’s fourth memoir in the series. Barbara continues her pattern of addiction and self destruction. Her drug of choice, however, is relationships. She goes from one man to another trying to find the love that is missing from her life.
In her latest memoir, Carter writes about meeting Mike, a fisherman, and the man who will later become her husband. They meet on a blind date set up by Barbara’s friend. After five days together, Barbara decides he’s the one for her. Mike goes to sea, and because of her low self-esteem, Barbara wonders if he will come back to her. Her only guarantee is that he leaves behind a stash of drugs.
While she waits for Mike to return, Barbara discovers she is pregnant by another man. Her friends suggest either an abortion or letting Mike believe the baby is his. “The timing is so close he won’t know the difference,” one friend tells her. However, abortion is out of the question, and Barbara has no intention of lying to Mike. She tells him about the pregnancy and to her surprise, Mike offers to marry her and raise the child as his own. They have known each other for a total of seventeen days.
They marry when Barbara is nearly seven months pregnant. However, the marriage is not one of bliss (at least, in the early days). Although Mike is a good, decent man who loves Barbara and loves her child as his own, he is addicted to drugs and alcohol. Like any alcoholic, he often puts his addiction before his family. When he comes home after weeks at sea he prefers to spend his time with his drinking buddies than with his family. To add to her misery, Barbara’s nagging mother lives across the road from her, trying to control her life as she had done since Barbara was a teenager.
Barbara soon finds herself with two children under the age of two. Because she is alone and lonely, she engages in some of the same destructive behaviours and bad choices she did as a teen. One of those choices leads to serious consequences that nearly destroy her marriage.
An added bonus in the book, are photographs at the end of each chapter. One of the more poignant pictures is taken just after Barbara’s wedding. She is seven months pregnant, standing with her new husband in the snow outside a church.
Joined deals with addictions, infidelity, parenthood, and relationships. What makes the story so effective is that it is told with unflinching honesty. Those who enjoyed Carter’s earlier book will find her latest memoir just as compelling.
March 26, 2022
We all make mistakes in life. Some of us are addicted to making mistakes. Yet we can’t let past mistakes define who we are today. I’ve lived long enough to know the past is the past and if we dwell on it, we limit our future.
This philosophy I’ve developed over the years kept coming to mind while reading "Joined – a memoir of marriage". I also kept reminding myself the early 80s was a different era. What we understood as normal and what we tolerated was different than today. I knew people who were living similar life styles as those in this memoir. Today, I don’t.
Joined is the story of young Barbara, who endured many ups and downs in life, some brought on by her own actions and some by others in her life, including the man she marries in this chapter of the memoir saga.
Readers will be met with thoughts like, “I remember doing that,” “I knew someone who did that,” and “I’d never put up with that.” Though I really can’t speak for the person I was in my 20s, so I may have tolerated it.
As Barbara navigates married life with a husband who drinks way too much, she’s faced with complicated pregnancies, health issues, financial woes and the continued conflicting philosophy of her mother. One night, looking to relive a little freedom she had in her pre-marriage, pre-mother days, she makes a huge mistake. Yet, she endures. Isn’t this what warriors do?
Learning through experience is how we get through life. Learning through the experiences of others, gives us a boost we wouldn’t otherwise have to get ahead.
This memoir will appeal to readers who enjoy reading the raw human experience, one in which a turbulent childhood, turned into troubled teen years delivers a woman into marriage, motherhood and deciding if her future will be that like many other women with alcoholic husbands in rural Nova Scotia or something different, exciting and one that will satisfy her soul.
This philosophy I’ve developed over the years kept coming to mind while reading "Joined – a memoir of marriage". I also kept reminding myself the early 80s was a different era. What we understood as normal and what we tolerated was different than today. I knew people who were living similar life styles as those in this memoir. Today, I don’t.
Joined is the story of young Barbara, who endured many ups and downs in life, some brought on by her own actions and some by others in her life, including the man she marries in this chapter of the memoir saga.
Readers will be met with thoughts like, “I remember doing that,” “I knew someone who did that,” and “I’d never put up with that.” Though I really can’t speak for the person I was in my 20s, so I may have tolerated it.
As Barbara navigates married life with a husband who drinks way too much, she’s faced with complicated pregnancies, health issues, financial woes and the continued conflicting philosophy of her mother. One night, looking to relive a little freedom she had in her pre-marriage, pre-mother days, she makes a huge mistake. Yet, she endures. Isn’t this what warriors do?
Learning through experience is how we get through life. Learning through the experiences of others, gives us a boost we wouldn’t otherwise have to get ahead.
This memoir will appeal to readers who enjoy reading the raw human experience, one in which a turbulent childhood, turned into troubled teen years delivers a woman into marriage, motherhood and deciding if her future will be that like many other women with alcoholic husbands in rural Nova Scotia or something different, exciting and one that will satisfy her soul.
February 2, 2022
"Joined" is the fifth in Barbara Carter's memoir series, Barbara by the Bay (Mahone Bay, in Nova Scotia). It stands well on its own, not requiring the reader to have read any of the earlier books, although certainly knowing about her earlier life will enhance the experience of travelling with her into marriage and motherhood. I loved reading this book, looking forward to every chance I had to sit down with it.
It is a real-life read, a true confession, a compelling story of life's many challenges and its few choices. How brave Carter is to tell her own tale in such full detail, making it like watching a movie: her writing enables the reader to visualize every scene as it unfolds, every step and misstep. She draws us into her very soul and we don't want to let go, reading her story of everyday life as if it were a whodunit, giving us a need to know what happens next. It is a roller-coaster of a tale, taking us on all the ups, downs, and arounds that intimacy and hardship can bring.
This is a story of the perseverance a woman needs while trying to make marriage work through a surprising barrage of adversity. Perhaps the best of the book is the discovery that through it all, Carter somehow finds the means to find herself, to take charge of her own destiny through her talents as a promising textile artist.
Photographs enhance the book, bringing the characters and setting to full life, and allowing the reader the pleasure of seeing Carter's unique talent come to life too.
Reading this stunning story, I kept finding unexpected parallels in our very different lives, leading me to feel many readers will recognize themselves, their own experiences, and their pain, in this book. Highly recommended!
It is a real-life read, a true confession, a compelling story of life's many challenges and its few choices. How brave Carter is to tell her own tale in such full detail, making it like watching a movie: her writing enables the reader to visualize every scene as it unfolds, every step and misstep. She draws us into her very soul and we don't want to let go, reading her story of everyday life as if it were a whodunit, giving us a need to know what happens next. It is a roller-coaster of a tale, taking us on all the ups, downs, and arounds that intimacy and hardship can bring.
This is a story of the perseverance a woman needs while trying to make marriage work through a surprising barrage of adversity. Perhaps the best of the book is the discovery that through it all, Carter somehow finds the means to find herself, to take charge of her own destiny through her talents as a promising textile artist.
Photographs enhance the book, bringing the characters and setting to full life, and allowing the reader the pleasure of seeing Carter's unique talent come to life too.
Reading this stunning story, I kept finding unexpected parallels in our very different lives, leading me to feel many readers will recognize themselves, their own experiences, and their pain, in this book. Highly recommended!
March 4, 2022
From the dedication: to those who understand, you know, as a reader, you will relate to this memoir, to this journey, in so many ways.
Memoir is not my favoured genre, I normally dive into fictional escapism, but Joined is not, by any stretch of the imagination, a normal memoir, not a run-of-the-mill tale of hearts-n-roses and riding into the sunset. Neither is it a story off been-there-done-that. No, Joined is real. Down and dirty real. It is made of the stuff that demonstrates the courage and determination of women over and over.
The author’s honesty shines thorough in every chapter almost to a point where the reader wonders if they are intruding. But Carter’s willingness to share her story of never giving up is more than outstanding.
Written in the present tense, packed with dialogue, the book carries the reader on with an immediacy not always found in a memoir. It is not hard to read between the lines too and find the threads of love and support that keep a family together.
This is no fancy book. There are no fancy words, just plain English not letting the words get in the way of the story, a story that launches the reader headlong in from the very first word and carries through leaving you breathless at the end.
The inclusion of authentic photographs adds to the genuine nature of the memoir. What a bonus.
This is not a book I will forget any time soon.
Memoir is not my favoured genre, I normally dive into fictional escapism, but Joined is not, by any stretch of the imagination, a normal memoir, not a run-of-the-mill tale of hearts-n-roses and riding into the sunset. Neither is it a story off been-there-done-that. No, Joined is real. Down and dirty real. It is made of the stuff that demonstrates the courage and determination of women over and over.
The author’s honesty shines thorough in every chapter almost to a point where the reader wonders if they are intruding. But Carter’s willingness to share her story of never giving up is more than outstanding.
Written in the present tense, packed with dialogue, the book carries the reader on with an immediacy not always found in a memoir. It is not hard to read between the lines too and find the threads of love and support that keep a family together.
This is no fancy book. There are no fancy words, just plain English not letting the words get in the way of the story, a story that launches the reader headlong in from the very first word and carries through leaving you breathless at the end.
The inclusion of authentic photographs adds to the genuine nature of the memoir. What a bonus.
This is not a book I will forget any time soon.
February 7, 2022
Barbara has, thus far, written five memoirs, JOINED being the fifth. I’ve read and enjoyed all of them, and I feel this one is the best one yet. Maybe because it's the most inspiring read. As with her other books, it’s well-written, with amazing dialogue. The reader feels as if she/he is right there, sharing each experience with her. At times, the book made me laugh (could be my warped humour); other times, I shared her heartbreak and frustration, along with her joy. Though the books are published in chronological order, this one could be read without having read the previous ones. If a reader plans to read them all, however, I’d suggest starting with the first and progressing from there. I could say more about the story, but I don’t want to give anything away. Suffice to say, we’ve all made mistakes; we’ve all suffered heartbreak yet persevered, and loved. Barb is no different, and you’ll be rooting for her all the way. You must read this book to see if love conquers all! Five Stars for this book.
August 30, 2022
This was a goodreads giveaway. It was okay but it turns out it wasn't my cup of tea.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews