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I Was Never Here: My True Canadian Spy Story of Coffees, Code Names and Covert Operations in the Age of Terrorism
An ex-spy lifts the lid on life in the secret service
A Globe and Mail and Toronto Star bestseller!
Andrew Kirsch didn’t grow up watching spy movies, or dreaming about being a real-life James Bond. He was hardly aware that Canada even had its own intelligence service—let alone knew what its officers did. But when a terrorist attack occurred near the office of his financial services job, all of a sudden fighting terrorism meant a lot more to him than the markets. Within 18 months he had landed a job with the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS)—where he spent the next decade of his life.
In I Was Never Here, Kirsch (now an in-demand security consultant) spills the secrets of what life as an intelligence officer is really like, and dispels a few myths along the way. With humour, honesty, and candour, Kirsch shares his on-the-ground experience (or as much of it as he’s allowed to) of becoming a member of CSIS: from his vetting and training, to his initial desk job as a policy analyst, to his rise up the ranks to leading covert special operations missions. If you’ve ever wondered whether spies can have real dating lives, how they handle family responsibilities, or how they come up with cover stories or aliases, you’re in luck.
From the time he tried to get the code names “Burgundy” and “Anchorman” assigned to human sources (with no luck), to the night a covert operation was almost thwarted by a flyer delivery man, Kirsch takes you behind the scenes with an authentic view of Canada’s spy agency, and the intricate intelligence-sharing apparatus that works day and night to keep us safe. I Was Never Here is also a testament to one man’s drive to serve his country, and the sacrifices, big and small, that he made along the way.
A Globe and Mail and Toronto Star bestseller!
Andrew Kirsch didn’t grow up watching spy movies, or dreaming about being a real-life James Bond. He was hardly aware that Canada even had its own intelligence service—let alone knew what its officers did. But when a terrorist attack occurred near the office of his financial services job, all of a sudden fighting terrorism meant a lot more to him than the markets. Within 18 months he had landed a job with the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS)—where he spent the next decade of his life.
In I Was Never Here, Kirsch (now an in-demand security consultant) spills the secrets of what life as an intelligence officer is really like, and dispels a few myths along the way. With humour, honesty, and candour, Kirsch shares his on-the-ground experience (or as much of it as he’s allowed to) of becoming a member of CSIS: from his vetting and training, to his initial desk job as a policy analyst, to his rise up the ranks to leading covert special operations missions. If you’ve ever wondered whether spies can have real dating lives, how they handle family responsibilities, or how they come up with cover stories or aliases, you’re in luck.
From the time he tried to get the code names “Burgundy” and “Anchorman” assigned to human sources (with no luck), to the night a covert operation was almost thwarted by a flyer delivery man, Kirsch takes you behind the scenes with an authentic view of Canada’s spy agency, and the intricate intelligence-sharing apparatus that works day and night to keep us safe. I Was Never Here is also a testament to one man’s drive to serve his country, and the sacrifices, big and small, that he made along the way.
241 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 1, 2022
33 people are currently reading
290 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
October 6, 2022
3.5 stars
This was the most wholesome spy story I have ever read. It was interesting to read about the Canadian Spy agency, but also a little boring… because nothing really happens. The author provides some quaint stories about the organization but honestly he made it sound really haphazard.
This was the most wholesome spy story I have ever read. It was interesting to read about the Canadian Spy agency, but also a little boring… because nothing really happens. The author provides some quaint stories about the organization but honestly he made it sound really haphazard.
February 22, 2022
Normally when you go into reading a book written by a former spy, you expect a lot of intrigue, danger, suspense, and shenanigans but this book is different because Andrew was a spy… in Canada. Yeah. Bet you didn’t know they had spies! (And they didn’t until fairly recently.)
Andrew did have several different jobs in the CSIS from checking to be sure other spies were following policy (not his most interesting job) to handling human contacts, to running a team that set surveillance electronics in place, usually at night by breaking in to houses or cars. So you do get a very good overview of what it’s like. Also, because he was around 30 when he joined, close to 10 years older than a lot of his peers in his training class, we readers get a more measured and more settled view of the job, not of the chaotic life of a twenty-something (not that there’s anything wrong with that but it might be harder to pull apart where the chaos was originating from and how much lack of maturity was a factor in the excitement.)
One of the most interesting things that he points out is that he only really has to lie to his family and friends. Because his first name is so ordinary, his cover name was also Andrew with a different last name. Therefore, at work, he was always introducing himself to potential insiders and terrorists as “Andrew from CSIS” but at home, he had to make up a job (ideally the more boring the better to stave off follow-up questions.) But this book is so endearingly Canadian. People ask him a lot how he got into the service–was he recruited by higher-ups or something like that? He says no, he just went to the website and filled out an application. And for me the big takeaway was that for the most part, if you ask people nicely (and assertively but nicely is key) for information or a favor, mostly they’ll do it. (This may not apply in the United States!) It is a fun, if slightly less dangerous, insider’s look into a government spy service.
Andrew did have several different jobs in the CSIS from checking to be sure other spies were following policy (not his most interesting job) to handling human contacts, to running a team that set surveillance electronics in place, usually at night by breaking in to houses or cars. So you do get a very good overview of what it’s like. Also, because he was around 30 when he joined, close to 10 years older than a lot of his peers in his training class, we readers get a more measured and more settled view of the job, not of the chaotic life of a twenty-something (not that there’s anything wrong with that but it might be harder to pull apart where the chaos was originating from and how much lack of maturity was a factor in the excitement.)
One of the most interesting things that he points out is that he only really has to lie to his family and friends. Because his first name is so ordinary, his cover name was also Andrew with a different last name. Therefore, at work, he was always introducing himself to potential insiders and terrorists as “Andrew from CSIS” but at home, he had to make up a job (ideally the more boring the better to stave off follow-up questions.) But this book is so endearingly Canadian. People ask him a lot how he got into the service–was he recruited by higher-ups or something like that? He says no, he just went to the website and filled out an application. And for me the big takeaway was that for the most part, if you ask people nicely (and assertively but nicely is key) for information or a favor, mostly they’ll do it. (This may not apply in the United States!) It is a fun, if slightly less dangerous, insider’s look into a government spy service.
December 7, 2022
DNF @ 50%. I could power through but I have too many other books calling my name.
Not much happens - recruiting is a somewhat standard process, except it's strung out to 15 months - I guess to weed out those who aren't that interested? 'Spying' means lots of coffees and cold calling - not very interesting to read about. And at 50% that's all I can say about the book. Kind of boring, to be honest.
Not much happens - recruiting is a somewhat standard process, except it's strung out to 15 months - I guess to weed out those who aren't that interested? 'Spying' means lots of coffees and cold calling - not very interesting to read about. And at 50% that's all I can say about the book. Kind of boring, to be honest.
October 24, 2023
Trumpa, lengvai paskaitoma ir informatyvi tarnybos Kanados saugumo žvalgybos tarnyboje (CSIS) apžvalga. Panašiai kaip Lietuvoje, Kanadoje veikia viena civilinė tarnyba, vykdanti tiek žvalgybą, tiek kontržvalgybos ir vidaus saugumo funkcijas. Ji mažai pažįstama Lietuvos skaitytojams, bet turėtų mus dominti dėl sisteminių panašumų. Autorius rašo asmeniškai ir puikiai moka duoti pavyzdžių, kurie tarsi ir nieko neatskleidžia, bet puikiai padeda įsivaizduoti žvalgybos virtuvę. Rekomenduoju šią knygą visiems, kas galvoja apie žvalgybą kaip profesinį kelią. O ir visiems kitiems, kam ši egzotiška veikla atrodo įdomi.
June 1, 2023
The book was good. It was cool to see the inner workings of the Canadian Security Intelligence a bit since it’s not really that talked about or well known. Was an insightful and informative read. The author is a good writer and made it pretty easy to follow and digest the content. I liked the aspect of wittiness he was also able to apply to the material a bit. Altogether it’s not a long or tough read and I enjoyed learning about it!
January 12, 2023
Fascinating and informative at the same time. A very balanced and honest style of writing. Enjoyed this book!
November 2, 2022
Not a spy thriller but a quite interesting description of some exciting, and many mundane, aspects of the job. Also about teamwork and ever present organizational dysfunction
March 26, 2022
Simply put, an amazing book. I have consumed many a spy memoir, and the vast majority of them have been American, with a smattering of British. Never before have I read one from a Canadian spook - because this is the first! That alone is a good reason to read the book, as it gives a look into the world of Canadian intelligence that the general public has never had before. But on top of that, Kirsch tells fascinating stories detailing operations that include covert entry, planting bugs, and meeting with suspected terrorists - and all of it going on right here in Toronto. He writes in a very readable, conversational way, and the book is humourous and relatable. I would highly, highly recommend.
March 19, 2022
A fresh look at the real world of homeland security.
Worth reading, especially if you want to add depth to your knowledge of the spy world.
Personally I find non-fiction spy books intriguing. Real events, real people.
Worth reading, especially if you want to add depth to your knowledge of the spy world.
Personally I find non-fiction spy books intriguing. Real events, real people.
April 10, 2022
Interesting memoir. Engaging and relatable, especially to public servants.
June 6, 2022
Good story! Provided a little more insight into what csis does. Well written too.
July 31, 2022
Definitely not a scandalous tell-all, but instead an informative, reflective, witty book about a decade in Canadian intelligence.
A warning: it is tough going from something like le Carré's "Delicate Truth," (or any Bond film) in which there are firefights, scandal, political intrigue, and explosions, to this book, where Kirsch writes excitedly about driving to Windsor, Ontario, to break into a target's car.
Kirsch is a clear, conversational writer, though, and the first 150 pages of the book have a great pace: going from student to banker to CSIS applicant to training to bureaucratic fiddling to field investigator. But the final 60 or so pages are just vignettes of operations (his final gig at CSIS) gone right or wrong. One or two of these would be great, but it does get repetitive after a while.
He sort of salvages the book near the end, talking about why he left the Service, his family, his "new" life. A thoughtful end to a unique memoir.
Hope Kirsch becomes a commentator/expert in Canadian media.
A warning: it is tough going from something like le Carré's "Delicate Truth," (or any Bond film) in which there are firefights, scandal, political intrigue, and explosions, to this book, where Kirsch writes excitedly about driving to Windsor, Ontario, to break into a target's car.
Kirsch is a clear, conversational writer, though, and the first 150 pages of the book have a great pace: going from student to banker to CSIS applicant to training to bureaucratic fiddling to field investigator. But the final 60 or so pages are just vignettes of operations (his final gig at CSIS) gone right or wrong. One or two of these would be great, but it does get repetitive after a while.
He sort of salvages the book near the end, talking about why he left the Service, his family, his "new" life. A thoughtful end to a unique memoir.
Hope Kirsch becomes a commentator/expert in Canadian media.
November 27, 2022
I always wondered what the mandate for CSIS was vs that of the RCMP. This book explains it. CSIS really has a first look at any possible threat to Canada, including foreign espionage, theft of secrets and, of course most prominently, terrorism.
Even though Kirsch could not go into great detail, it was interesting reading, hearing the day to day operations he was a part of. No dirt. No inside scandal, just he job they did. There were some funny tales of some jobs which had issues, interesting midnight jobs and how his life with CSIS affected his life outside of it.
It's a book, I quite enjoyed.
Even though Kirsch could not go into great detail, it was interesting reading, hearing the day to day operations he was a part of. No dirt. No inside scandal, just he job they did. There were some funny tales of some jobs which had issues, interesting midnight jobs and how his life with CSIS affected his life outside of it.
It's a book, I quite enjoyed.
December 3, 2022
This was a fascinating read that was very well written, with appropriate discretion and some humour. The author is the first to tell what it is like to be a "spy" (aka civilian investigator) with CSIS, a Canadian federal government organization cloaked in secrecy and largely unknown by the public, that is somewhat akin to the USA's CIA. From the application process to his decision for a career change approximately a decade later, the author shares what he can about his CSIS jobs... the good, bad and ugly. Many thanks for his service and that of his colleagues!! 🇨🇦 My only criticism is the long subtitle. It could be shortened to "My Canadian Spy Story".
July 12, 2023
A rare account of the insider perspective of CSIS. From the policy desk in Ottawa to team leader on special ops for covert operations in Toronto.
This is the story of agents operating in the shadows to protect Canadian National Security.
“…but I still have a role to play in keeping Canada safe and prosperous. We all do - because we are only as strong as our weakest link…it’s an ongoing battle. And while the threats may change, whatever we face, we are stronger and safer when we work together. I know Canadians are always willing to help if asked. So consider this my knock on your door.”
This is the story of agents operating in the shadows to protect Canadian National Security.
“…but I still have a role to play in keeping Canada safe and prosperous. We all do - because we are only as strong as our weakest link…it’s an ongoing battle. And while the threats may change, whatever we face, we are stronger and safer when we work together. I know Canadians are always willing to help if asked. So consider this my knock on your door.”
March 20, 2024
This book was great! I asked for this book for Christmas because it was one of the only books that I could find that discussed a career in CSIS, which is something I’m seriously considering. Kirsch went into surprising detail about his life as an intelligence officer and what to expect with a clandestine career. This gave me important insight into Canada’s spy organization and made me want to join CSIS even more! I would recommend this book for anyone interested in a career in intelligence or someone who doesn’t know a lot about how our spy agency operates.
April 7, 2024
There’s a reason you haven’t heard of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service the way you have the CIA, MI6, KGB, or the Mossad. This book illustrates why- apparently their work just isn’t all that interesting or engaging. No daring exploits, clandestine meetings, or double crossings happening here. Just a lot of sitting in parking lots and waiting. Heck, the big event in this book describes sitting in a van waiting for a flyer guy to leave so they can bug a car. Riveting.
December 30, 2024
Andrew Kirsch shares his journey from being an investment advisor to becoming an intelligence officer with the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS). His career transformation was spurred by a terrorist attack near his workplace, which led him to seek a more direct role in combating terrorism. The book dispels the myths about spy work while providing an authentic view of Canadian intelligence community
April 29, 2023
fun and insightful read
Understanding the ins-and-outs of life at CSIS, with both the glory-filled anecdotes and the mundane, is the biggest takeaway from this book. It’s a unique skill set that requires dedication to slog through and makes me more appreciative of those who do it on our behalf.
Understanding the ins-and-outs of life at CSIS, with both the glory-filled anecdotes and the mundane, is the biggest takeaway from this book. It’s a unique skill set that requires dedication to slog through and makes me more appreciative of those who do it on our behalf.
July 1, 2023
This bio sheds some light on an otherwise secretive organization. I was inspired to read it after a discussion with a friend where I suggested Canada didn't do enough covert intelligence collection. Obviously that's still a debatable point but at least the author gives us a framework of what we actually do.
April 12, 2022
Kirsch is a really interesting and entertaining storyteller, who spent a decade working a very interesting life and collecting great stories. There's not a lot more here than that, but it was a fun read.
February 5, 2023
An interesting book which sheds a lot of light on what a career with CSIS might be like. As you might expect from a Canadian spy story, it's not very exciting. I recommend this book for anyone considering a career in the intelligence service, but otherwise I would stick to fictional spy stories.
July 3, 2022
A quick-paced and entertaining read about the day-to-day working life of one Canadian intelligence officer!
July 24, 2022
Andrew provides an accurate glimpse on how one becomes a spy; then he takes the reader on an adventure as he and his team break into vehicles in suburban Toronto!
July 31, 2023
This book was boring AF. Nothing happened. I came for the tea and the tea was not spilt. I’m supremely surprised I finished this one. 1/5 stars
May 15, 2024
Great laughs and interesting stories
If you learn one important new thing per book, … that’s good. I’ve learned a ton with this book. Nice guy!
If you learn one important new thing per book, … that’s good. I’ve learned a ton with this book. Nice guy!
June 6, 2024
Great read, interesting insights into what it’s like to work for CSIS. Loved the Canadian perspective!
June 5, 2025
Absolutely loved this. Incredibly insightful!
August 19, 2025
I was expecting more suspense, cases, action, and spy stories.
June 5, 2025
An enjoyable read. Going in I expected more guns blazing James bond esque (that's on me idk why I thought that). That clashed with the slow build up talking about training and being a desk jockey. Later on when he was doing actyally spying it was quite engaging. He had some funny anecdotes and some good bits. One of the things I found enjoyable was him name dropping Canadian terrorist plots and then reading about those.
Book Bingo 2025: Debut Novel
Book Bingo 2025: Debut Novel
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews