Born to Lose: Memoirs of a Compulsive Gambler

by Bill Lee

Born to Lose "My history of gambling really began before I was born." So opens Bill Lee's self-told story of gambling addiction, which is set in San Francisco's Chinatown and steeped in a culture where it is not unheard of for gamblers to lose their children to a bet. Full description

Genres: Psychology, Memoir, Addiction

304 pages, Paperback

First published March 3, 2005

About the author

Bill Lee is a second-generation Chinese American who grew up in the underworld of San Francisco Chinatown. He witnessed his first shooting at age eight, and became involved in numerous street gangs, including the gang responsible for the Golden Dragon Massacre. Bill graduated with honors in Psychology from San Francisco State University and spent most of his career as a consultant retained by top executives in Silicon Valley. He was employed at ESL, a TRW subsidiary, when a gunman massacred seven of his coworkers. Bill was a key member of the crisis response team, who worked with police and counselors to assist trapped employees, victims, and their respective families. His personal account of the Chinatown gang wars as well as the Golden Dragon and ESL massacres are detailed in "Chinese Playground," which is available in digital format, including Kindle.

Lee's latest book, "Born-Again Buddhist: My Path to Living Mindfully and Compassionately with Mood Disorders" (April 2014) has just been released on Amazon.com. In it, he shares with readers how, as a practicing Buddhist, he integrated mindfulness meditation and other Buddhist practices with psychotherapy to effectively treat his mood disorders, including manic depression, post-traumatic stress, rage, and addiction.

Lee is also the author of "Born to Lose: Memoirs of a Compulsive Gambler," which describes his 40-year gambling addiction and recovery. The book's publisher is Hazelden and it is available in both paperback and digital format.

Additional Information:

• Have written for the San Francisco Chronicle, AsianWeek, and professional journals. Have been featured on the History Channel, A&E Television, FOX network, Spike TV, PBS, Radio Television Hong Kong, and national public radio.
• 30+ years of experience in corporate employment, executive/technical search consulting, corporate intelligence; assisting with re-organizations as well as mergers/acquisitions. Have successfully supported top executives, including Steve Jobs and Eric Schmidt.
• Operated Career Insights, assisting clients in composing effective résumés and developing successful job search strategies
• Have counseled serious offenders at the San Francisco Juvenile Justice Center (formerly the Youth Guidance Center)

Reviews

[Taveri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Got this book from the library because i thought it was by Bill Lee, the baseball player (as "Have Glove Will Travel" was not available). It is well written but after sixty pages of the author losing and losing i didn't want to read another 200 pages of such stories and skipped ahead to the last two chapters.

I'm not a gambler myself but i like to play cards. I lost eighty cents at the nickle and dime mactines in Las Vegas, while passing through on a one week road trip to Mexico (from Canada) and back. I don't buy lottery tickets and when i contribute to a raffle i write my name as "Draw Again."

So this story I found depressing and am thankful I never got hooked. The prologue contains some interesting gambling stats:
· annually costs American businesses $40 billion in lost wages and insurance claims
· 40% of white collar crime is committed by compulsive gamblers (CG)
· 2 out of 3 CGs say would commit a crime to cover a gambling debt
· a third of all inmates are considered CGs
· one of every 5 CG attempts suicide
· one in four CG are involved in a traffic accident on the way to gambling
· the dropout rate from Gamblers Annonymous is 90%
· those who have had multiple addictions say quitting heroine or cocaine addictions is easier than quitting gambling

[Luanne Castle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maybe you don’t know a gambler whose destructive addiction has taken its toll and still think of gambling as an amusement of a sophisticated man like Nicky Arnstein in the movie Funny Girl or Jim Sturgess’ character Ben Campbell in 21. The reality is that a gambling addiction often leads to financial and emotional losses, even prison and suicide. I call it the Other Addiction because we hear so much about drug and alcohol addiction, but gambling can be just as deadly.

To find out what it’s like to live your life as a person with this terrible disease, read Bill Lee’s memoir Born to Lose. Lee is a 2nd generation Chinese-American, born in 1954. The origins of his addiction have their roots in his genetic history (father, grandfather) and in his upbringing (struggle between traditional Chinese home disturbed by mental illness and dysfunction and life on the tough streets of San Francisco amid gang life).

Lee’s book is written in a straightforward, no-nonsense journalistic style, very different from the lyrical style of The Kiss or Another Bullshit Night in Suck City. There is a simplicity to how he tells his tale that belies the hard work he put into (I’m sure) structuring his mainly chronological story. I say “mainly” because the story begins with a framework that allows him to share his story as he might “therapy” in a 12 step meeting. It begins with Bill hosting a GA (Gambler’s Anonymous) meeting and when he’s asked to share for the sake of a new member, the story begins:

My mother was convinced that the men in our family were cursed by a gambling demon.

I love how this opening focuses on how bad and longstanding the problem of gambling was for Lee’s family, as well as how it shows his mother as a traditional Chinese woman who believes there can be such a thing as a “gambling demon.” Also, when I noted the structure, I thought “of course” because the structure seems to fit the idea of a recovery story so well. Because that is what happens and the reader knows it from the beginning. Lee’s story is one of addiction and recovery.

Lee also writes much of his life as a Type-A businessman in the Silicon Valley and how he juggled the demands of his job and the demands of being a single father with the more intense demands of his addiction. Addictions are soul-deadening, and that is what Lee shows the reader by allowing us into his private world.

One little warning: before you go over to Amazon, know that there is a spoiler in Lee’s bio. It doesn’t ruin the book, but something horrific occurs in the book that reminds me of another memoir I’ve reviewed here. If you want to experience it as a shock, as I did, don’t read the bio or reviews on Amazon, just order the book!

OK, now a little postscript: Lee does a great job of showing his contradictory reaction to GA meetings and depicting that the meetings and people involved are not all a positive experience. It’s a sign to stop looking for perfection. By reading this book, an addict who comes up with excuses for not going to 12 step meetings can learn that it works to take what one needs and leave the rest. I really like his whole philosophy about rehab. Let me leave you with this portion.

Many Twelve Steppers believe people can only begin their recovery after they hit rock bottom. That’s probably true for the most part, but we need to be mindful that as addicts, there is no guarantee that we have hit rock bottom. All addicts are a slip away from relapse and a potentially deeper bottom. That’s why as addicts, it’s important to accept our addictions as lifelong diseases–we’re never cured. [Then Lee gives an example of a man named Robert who was left alone, while other gamblers waited for him to hit bottom before they helped him more actively. Unfortunately, Robert died during his next relapse.] But what Robert taught me is that we need to reach out and carry the GA message to other compulsive gamblers before they hit their bottom, which in many cases is prison, insanity, or death.

Brilliant. And good advice to those who love addicts, as well.

[Tina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have read this book before so it was interesting to see how I felt the second time around.

Memoirs on gambling addiction are not prevalent, in my experience, so it was eye opening to read about this addiction. The author does an excellent job of detailing his downward spiral and while, as a rule, I don't really enjoy reading the "when I was younger" part of memoirs, this one was fascinating and ties in very clearly to his addiction.

At times, I found Lee's stories to be a little too easy. He never seems to have to worry about finding a job. He rarely seems to worry about finding a place to stay and every time he stops gambling, he seems to be able to accumulate high sums of cash extremely easily. For me, there wasn't enough exploration of how truly destructive this addiction can be. It would have helped a lot for him to focus on what gambling does to his family (including his two ex wives), what it does to your friends, etc. While Lee does dance around these topics, he really does not go into much detail.

As a whole the recovery part was pretty much the same as many other memoirs, but I do appreciate the author being brave enough to spill out his life secrets for us.

[Darla Ebert · Rating 3 out of 5]

This life story is instructive for anyone suffering from an addiction. Though the author did not come out and admit to being a Christian he does emphasize God's help with his problem gambling. For those who have never experienced gambling one (we/I) can be blown away by Lee's disclosure that gambling can even become physically addicting. There are ways too, to apply just the idea of "addiction" to any area one is struggling with. Even good, healthy past times can become addictive and thus destructive. This is a cautionary tale.

[Debbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as interesting as I’d anticipated. I’d hoped for a bit more detail about the psychology of gambling addiction, and didn’t enjoy reading about the author’s various jobs which seemed to take up a lot of the book.

[Dominick McGee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty brutal read/listen. Only grievance was I did the audio book and it was narrated by the AI TikTok voice…which only made it more painful

[April Lark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book, should be required reading for anyone who struggles with gambling addiction or knows someone who does. The author shows deep vulnerability in sharing his journey

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd forgotten about having read this one until I saw it at the library earlier today -- should have recommended it earlier!

[Maria Vailakis-Wippick · Rating 3 out of 5]

Confirms my belief that you must "recover or repeat" the dysfunction from previous generations. Great introduction to Twelve Step Programs (specifically Gamblers Anonymous).

[Jimmy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Boring book.