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Brave Boundaries: Strategies to Say No, Stand Strong, and Take Control of Your Time: The Key to Living Empowered
An essential guide for women on how to set strong, workable boundaries to safeguard their health, happiness, and wellbeing.
No matter how educated they are or how far they have climbed up the ladder, women are taught one thing over and over at every stage of their when someone asks you for help, you say yes . Women are supposed to agree to take on whatever is asked of them, regardless of how busy they are. No matter how much a woman deeply desires to say no, the societal expectation is that women are helpers—taught to fix problems, show up at all times, and not let people down. They are instructed to never say no to tasks or duties asked of them, even when they are drowning in work and barely hanging on by a thread. Rather than say no, they often become avoiders and lose opportunities for personal growth. This leads to feelings of immense failure, inauthenticity, and burnout.
Dr. Sasha Shillcutt has known this feeling, too, but now she understands and shows women there is another way. Having coached thousands of professional women and business leaders in her classes and conferences, she knows that setting boundaries is the essential lesson that they need to learn in order to avoid burnout and a loss of themselves in their incessant drive to please and say yes. In her special down-to-earth way, Sasha will show readers how to erect fences that protect their physical and mental health while providing opportunities for joy and growth. Readers will learn that boundaries are kind, not restrictive, and being a person with boundaries is the most empowering and peaceful way to live. They will learn to say no to others and say yes to themselves.
No matter how educated they are or how far they have climbed up the ladder, women are taught one thing over and over at every stage of their when someone asks you for help, you say yes . Women are supposed to agree to take on whatever is asked of them, regardless of how busy they are. No matter how much a woman deeply desires to say no, the societal expectation is that women are helpers—taught to fix problems, show up at all times, and not let people down. They are instructed to never say no to tasks or duties asked of them, even when they are drowning in work and barely hanging on by a thread. Rather than say no, they often become avoiders and lose opportunities for personal growth. This leads to feelings of immense failure, inauthenticity, and burnout.
Dr. Sasha Shillcutt has known this feeling, too, but now she understands and shows women there is another way. Having coached thousands of professional women and business leaders in her classes and conferences, she knows that setting boundaries is the essential lesson that they need to learn in order to avoid burnout and a loss of themselves in their incessant drive to please and say yes. In her special down-to-earth way, Sasha will show readers how to erect fences that protect their physical and mental health while providing opportunities for joy and growth. Readers will learn that boundaries are kind, not restrictive, and being a person with boundaries is the most empowering and peaceful way to live. They will learn to say no to others and say yes to themselves.
224 pages, Paperback
Published September 6, 2022
35 people are currently reading
1850 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
June 12, 2024
HIGHLIGHTS:
1. BOUNDARIES REQUIRE COMMUNICATION:
- boundary is not a wish.
- A boundary that only lives in your head is NOT a boundary.
- communicate boundary with people who will be impacted.
- Time is costly and precious.
- People who show up and do what they say they’re gonna do are in desperate need of implementing boundaries.
2. DON’T SEE IT:
- We do not recognize that a boundary has been crossed.
- We are angry at others for not seeing our invisible boundaries.
3. PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE:
- Avoiding the backlash is easier than having uncomfortable conversations.
- The world runs on the backs of women who have no boundaries.
- Working for less is working for free.
- No boundaries means you are being taken advantage of.
- The world expects women to give away their time, attention, and talent for free. Men expect to be paid.
- Women are expected to say yes, especially by other women.
- Your anger is on YOU.
4. BOUNDARY AVOIDER:
- Saying yes to things we hate drains us.
- People who say yes all the time is the easiest first ask.
- Saying “no” today is less painful than saying “no” tomorrow.
5. WOMEN NEED FIERCE BOUNDARIES:
- Men have built-in boundaries.
Women are trying to measure up to a standard we didn’t agree to.
- Set boundaries to get clarity and freedom. Peace.
- Not having boundaries allows something beautiful to be oppressive (eg 24 hour notifications of social media DMs).
- Purpose over pleasing.
- Boundaries are love.
6. BOUNDARY INVENTORY:
- being needed feeds your ego.
- pleasing people feeds your ego.
- I’m not interested in negative feedback about me that is not FOR me.
- Q: what do I know to be TRUE? What can I actually CONTROL? How can I set a boundary? WHO do I need to share a boundary with?
7. CRITICISM BOUNDARY:
- I’m interested in criticism from a trusted ally who cares about me and who is sharing a blind spot where the feedback will make me better.
- Listen for intent with a TRUSTED source.
- I’m not available to be people who want to fling their own insecurity on me.
- I will no longer allow myself to engage in empty emotional drama that distracts me from what is most important.
- Share the boundary with myself, over and over.
8. DIGGING FENCES:
- I don’t control how someone will respond to my boundaries.
- Female Boundary advocates face pushback of being “unlikeable”.
- society resists women saying no to others asks.
9. BOUNDARY REBEL:
I decide who I allow in and how they treat me.
- I’m going to have to disappoint loved ones and nice people.
- Boundaries keep the good in.
- I control my accessibility.
- Show up and keep promises to themselves.
10. BACKLASH RESPONSE:
- “Thank you for your input.”
- I’m not responsible for people’s response to my healthy boundaries.
- Take a vacation day for yourself for see rest. No errands. Not available to anyone.
- YOU are leading YOU.
1. BOUNDARIES REQUIRE COMMUNICATION:
- boundary is not a wish.
- A boundary that only lives in your head is NOT a boundary.
- communicate boundary with people who will be impacted.
- Time is costly and precious.
- People who show up and do what they say they’re gonna do are in desperate need of implementing boundaries.
2. DON’T SEE IT:
- We do not recognize that a boundary has been crossed.
- We are angry at others for not seeing our invisible boundaries.
3. PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE:
- Avoiding the backlash is easier than having uncomfortable conversations.
- The world runs on the backs of women who have no boundaries.
- Working for less is working for free.
- No boundaries means you are being taken advantage of.
- The world expects women to give away their time, attention, and talent for free. Men expect to be paid.
- Women are expected to say yes, especially by other women.
- Your anger is on YOU.
4. BOUNDARY AVOIDER:
- Saying yes to things we hate drains us.
- People who say yes all the time is the easiest first ask.
- Saying “no” today is less painful than saying “no” tomorrow.
5. WOMEN NEED FIERCE BOUNDARIES:
- Men have built-in boundaries.
Women are trying to measure up to a standard we didn’t agree to.
- Set boundaries to get clarity and freedom. Peace.
- Not having boundaries allows something beautiful to be oppressive (eg 24 hour notifications of social media DMs).
- Purpose over pleasing.
- Boundaries are love.
6. BOUNDARY INVENTORY:
- being needed feeds your ego.
- pleasing people feeds your ego.
- I’m not interested in negative feedback about me that is not FOR me.
- Q: what do I know to be TRUE? What can I actually CONTROL? How can I set a boundary? WHO do I need to share a boundary with?
7. CRITICISM BOUNDARY:
- I’m interested in criticism from a trusted ally who cares about me and who is sharing a blind spot where the feedback will make me better.
- Listen for intent with a TRUSTED source.
- I’m not available to be people who want to fling their own insecurity on me.
- I will no longer allow myself to engage in empty emotional drama that distracts me from what is most important.
- Share the boundary with myself, over and over.
8. DIGGING FENCES:
- I don’t control how someone will respond to my boundaries.
- Female Boundary advocates face pushback of being “unlikeable”.
- society resists women saying no to others asks.
9. BOUNDARY REBEL:
I decide who I allow in and how they treat me.
- I’m going to have to disappoint loved ones and nice people.
- Boundaries keep the good in.
- I control my accessibility.
- Show up and keep promises to themselves.
10. BACKLASH RESPONSE:
- “Thank you for your input.”
- I’m not responsible for people’s response to my healthy boundaries.
- Take a vacation day for yourself for see rest. No errands. Not available to anyone.
- YOU are leading YOU.
May 31, 2024
I wanted to like this book more than I did. While it had some helpful tips, this book is for a very specific kind of person, and I wish it had specified that in the subtitle.
This is for religious women in their 40s with children living at home, a husband, and high paying jobs. The author clearly lives an incredibly privileged lifestyle and seems to assume this privilege is attainable for all. The author frequently advised readers to do things like “take a vacation” or other money-based self care, and seemed to make a lot of other assumptions about their readers’ lifestyles that made me cringe. The comment about putting sunscreen on her children to make sure they wouldn’t look like midwestern kids was completely unnecessary and made me feel uncomfortable. This strange generalization and similar commentary made the author seem judgmental and should have been omitted, especially for a self help/personal growth book.
It also became very repetitive and used the same stories and anecdotes in different chapters. I’ll try different books on the same topic.
This is for religious women in their 40s with children living at home, a husband, and high paying jobs. The author clearly lives an incredibly privileged lifestyle and seems to assume this privilege is attainable for all. The author frequently advised readers to do things like “take a vacation” or other money-based self care, and seemed to make a lot of other assumptions about their readers’ lifestyles that made me cringe. The comment about putting sunscreen on her children to make sure they wouldn’t look like midwestern kids was completely unnecessary and made me feel uncomfortable. This strange generalization and similar commentary made the author seem judgmental and should have been omitted, especially for a self help/personal growth book.
It also became very repetitive and used the same stories and anecdotes in different chapters. I’ll try different books on the same topic.
February 3, 2023
Overall, I liked this book.
First, I'd like to get the "but"s out of the way -- as in, I liked this book, buttttt:
-At times it girlbossed a little too close to the sun in some of the elder millennial language used, but not to the detriment of the message of the book.
-At times the author does bring their religion into it, but this is not a religious book.
-I'm always apprehensive of self-help books, especially self-help books trying to sell you membership or event tickets or whatever it is.
That being said:
This addresses a lot of important issues! Women being expected to take on unpaid labour in the workforce and in the home much more than their male colleagues, how women are conditioned to do everything and be "superwoman" and blame themselves when things fall apart rather than the overwhelmed and overworked circumstances they are in, how all of this unfairly impacts WOC even more than white women, and some strategies that are realistic to go about setting healthy boundaries, save time, and take time to take care of yourself.
I enjoyed listening to the audiobook version, and think that this pairs nicely with Fairplay by Eve Rodsky.
First, I'd like to get the "but"s out of the way -- as in, I liked this book, buttttt:
-At times it girlbossed a little too close to the sun in some of the elder millennial language used, but not to the detriment of the message of the book.
-At times the author does bring their religion into it, but this is not a religious book.
-I'm always apprehensive of self-help books, especially self-help books trying to sell you membership or event tickets or whatever it is.
That being said:
This addresses a lot of important issues! Women being expected to take on unpaid labour in the workforce and in the home much more than their male colleagues, how women are conditioned to do everything and be "superwoman" and blame themselves when things fall apart rather than the overwhelmed and overworked circumstances they are in, how all of this unfairly impacts WOC even more than white women, and some strategies that are realistic to go about setting healthy boundaries, save time, and take time to take care of yourself.
I enjoyed listening to the audiobook version, and think that this pairs nicely with Fairplay by Eve Rodsky.
March 15, 2023
I enjoyed this book so much! Who doesn't like a self-help book, especially one for women?
As a woman in the medical profession, I AM always asked to work extra, do more, and help more, and this book has helped me establish healthy boundaries without feeling guilty.
In the introduction, she discusses how society has not reached women and how to set boundaries. Even if we learn how to lead, save lives, and teach others, there are no classes for women to be/become a BOSS LADY who puts herself first in any situation.
I can't wait to own a physical copy of this, def. I will be annotating many things in this book.
As a woman in the medical profession, I AM always asked to work extra, do more, and help more, and this book has helped me establish healthy boundaries without feeling guilty.
In the introduction, she discusses how society has not reached women and how to set boundaries. Even if we learn how to lead, save lives, and teach others, there are no classes for women to be/become a BOSS LADY who puts herself first in any situation.
I can't wait to own a physical copy of this, def. I will be annotating many things in this book.
November 16, 2022
This book provides a helpful guide to setting and maintaining boundaries. Shillcutt obviously has personal experience with setting -- and not setting -- boundaries, and those experiences plus the experiences of countless others in her community inform the lessons in this book. I've already found myself setting better boundaries, communicating about them more clearly, and more.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 8, 2022
I feel like she wrote this book about me
Dr. Shillcutt has a beautiful way with words while also teaching an amazing lesson. Easy read with great information. I enjoyed this one even more than her last book.
Dr. Shillcutt has a beautiful way with words while also teaching an amazing lesson. Easy read with great information. I enjoyed this one even more than her last book.
September 29, 2024
Very important book for me and my work life right now. The only reason I didn’t give five stars is I could have used more examples of how to set a boundary in different situations. The one about the mentor and her mentee was really informative.
December 31, 2025
I LOVED this book! Quick and easy reader but packs such a punch. I would recommend it for anyone of any gender. One I will refer back to again and again. Made me feel incredibly seen and validated and deserving of creating the life I want with boundaries.
March 21, 2023
Easy read and enjoyable. I would recommend to all females trying to find their voice and setting boundaries in all realms of life
March 29, 2023
Radical, repetitive rebelling.
August 15, 2024
Excellent read that taught me a LOT. Best book on boundaries I’ve ever read.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews