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It's Not What You Think: An American Woman in Saudi Arabia
From the author of Threading My Prayer Rug , an eye-opening view of life in Saudi Arabia.
It’s Not What You Think is a wry, incisive account of working in Saudi Arabia that offers insight into that insular patriarchal society, what is so attractive to expatriates living there, and what was contradictory or confining about it for a naturalized American who is a woman and a Muslim. A hospital executive in New Jersey, Sabeeha relocated with her oncologist husband to Riyadh, the most conservative city in the country, intending to remain two years. They ended up staying for six. Her book takes the reader on a journey of discovery that mirrors her own.
Offered an influential position at Riyadh’s most prestigious hospital, she first has to obtain her husband’s permission to work. In public spaces, she quickly encounters the morality police but also learns the freedom of the abaya. Sales men staff the lingerie department. Women in Riyadh do not work in public places, yet they hold positions of authority within corporate culture; and outside Riyadh, she discovers that women-owned-and-operated businesses flourish, and Bedouin women could drive in the desert decades before Riyadh’s ban was relaxed. Through Sabeeha’s eyes, we see how Saudi and Western expat cultures coexist within the boundaries of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” how traditions define the identity of the Saudi nation, and how to discern what is “culturally appropriate” versus what is required legally. As she dons pilgrim’s garb, we join her on the hajj, to discover the intensity and spiritual high of the devout.
It’s Not What You Think is a wry, incisive account of working in Saudi Arabia that offers insight into that insular patriarchal society, what is so attractive to expatriates living there, and what was contradictory or confining about it for a naturalized American who is a woman and a Muslim. A hospital executive in New Jersey, Sabeeha relocated with her oncologist husband to Riyadh, the most conservative city in the country, intending to remain two years. They ended up staying for six. Her book takes the reader on a journey of discovery that mirrors her own.
Offered an influential position at Riyadh’s most prestigious hospital, she first has to obtain her husband’s permission to work. In public spaces, she quickly encounters the morality police but also learns the freedom of the abaya. Sales men staff the lingerie department. Women in Riyadh do not work in public places, yet they hold positions of authority within corporate culture; and outside Riyadh, she discovers that women-owned-and-operated businesses flourish, and Bedouin women could drive in the desert decades before Riyadh’s ban was relaxed. Through Sabeeha’s eyes, we see how Saudi and Western expat cultures coexist within the boundaries of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” how traditions define the identity of the Saudi nation, and how to discern what is “culturally appropriate” versus what is required legally. As she dons pilgrim’s garb, we join her on the hajj, to discover the intensity and spiritual high of the devout.
320 pages, Hardcover
Published October 11, 2022
81 people are currently reading
435 people want to read
About the author
Sabeeha Rehman
3 books76 followersSabeeha Rehman, an author, blogger and speaker on the American Muslim experience. Her new book is titled, 'It's Not What You Think. An American Woman in Saudi Arabia,' published in 2022.
She has co-authored with Walter Ruby of the book: We Refuse to be Enemies. How Muslims and Jews Can Make Peace, One Friendship at a Time. It was published in April 2021.
She is the author of the memoir 'Threading My Prayer Rug', an account of growing up in Pakistan, her rushed arranged marriage to a Pakistani doctor and their lives together raising a Muslim family in New York City.
Short-listed for the 2018 William Saroyan International Prize for Writing, Threading My Prayer Rug also won Booklist and San Francisco Book Festival honors. Readers Digest mentioned it as one of '35 Memoirs Everyone Should Read.'
She has co-authored with Walter Ruby of the book: We Refuse to be Enemies. How Muslims and Jews Can Make Peace, One Friendship at a Time. It was published in April 2021.
She is the author of the memoir 'Threading My Prayer Rug', an account of growing up in Pakistan, her rushed arranged marriage to a Pakistani doctor and their lives together raising a Muslim family in New York City.
Short-listed for the 2018 William Saroyan International Prize for Writing, Threading My Prayer Rug also won Booklist and San Francisco Book Festival honors. Readers Digest mentioned it as one of '35 Memoirs Everyone Should Read.'
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August 19, 2022
Its Not What You Think: An American Woman in Saudi Arabia is indeed not what you might think a book written by a visiting American about life in Saudi Arabia would be about.
This book, by American Muslim author Sabeeha Rehman is neither a simplistic paint by numbers indictment of Saudi society as authoritarian and misogynist; nor conversely, a glorification thereof. Rather Sabeeha Rehman’s fascinating account of the six years she and her husband Khalid spent from 2001-2007 living in the Saudi capital of Riyadh as expats and working at the nation’s premiere hospital—Khalid as an oncologist and herself as a high-level hospital executive—is a nuanced, highly informative look into Saudi society through the insights of an American Muslim woman who takes the reader with her on a fascinating voyage of discovery.
It’s Not What You Think, the third book by Rehman, author of Threading My Prayer Rug: One Woman’s Journey from Pakistani Muslim to Muslim American and We Refuse to Be Enemies: How Muslims and Jews Can Make Peace One Friendship at a Time co-written with the writer of this review (one with an Advanced Reading Copy), will be published on October 11. (I read an Advanced Reading Copy). The book Is based on a diary Rehman kept during her years in Saudi Arabia. As a veteran reporter, myself, mainly for American Jewish and Israeli publications, I stand in awe of Rehman’s reportorial acumen in Its Not What You Think as she meticulously documents her encounter with a society which as she notes is “grounded in a culture that is tribal, patriarchal, family oriented, hospitable, private, insular and nationalistic; a culture that dates to the pre-Islamic era…”
If that assessment sounds forbidding—and Rehman acknowledges at the beginning of the book that she had serious doubts about moving there-- consider that although she and Khalid arrived in Riyadh with the intention of staying for two years, they happily extended their contract and ended up staying for six years. It turns out there was plenty for an emancipated American Muslim woman to like about Saudi Arabia; including living in an expatriate bubble free from the dress and social constraints imposed on Saudis beyond the walls of the compound with excellent pay and benefits, working in hospital administration at a higher level than had been possible in New York. On the other hand, Rehman also relished the experience of putting on an abaya and hijab (prescribed Muslim dress for all women beyond the walls of the compound) when she would go shopping at the mall outside the compound, where even simply covering her hair but not her face like many Saudi women, she found herself assuming and even enjoying an anonymity that she never experienced living in the West.
Rehman makes clear in this determinedly non-judgmental, and often humorous book that she relished living in a majority Muslim society where even malls have mosques; the lure of visiting Bedouin tribes in the surrounding desert and finding out that their women often had far more freedom than those in the capital, and most of all experiencing, together with her husband, the wonders of the hajj, the pilgrimage to Mecca and Medina that all Muslims are enjoined to make, and which she had Khalid experienced together with two million or more fellow pilgrims from virtually every country around the world. Rehman meticulously reports on the entire hajj experience including the intense heat and overwhelming crowds at the Kaaba, spring of Zamzam and other locales pilgrims are enjoined to visit, with concerns about stampeding a constant concern. Yet for Rehman, making the pilgrimage together with Muslims of all colors and ethnicities, and therefore feeling at one with the larger Muslim ummah, the global Muslim community was central to what made the hajj experience so spiritually powerful and transcendental for her.
Ultimately, it seemed to this reader that Sabeeha Rehman felt at home in Saudi Arabia because for her it truly is home—the very heart of the Muslim world. For Rehman, experiencing that sense of electric connection outweighed the very real societal negatives that she readily acknowledges—the violation of Saudi women’s’ autonomy by compelling them to cover their faces, the absolute power of the monarchy and strict limitations on the freedom to openly criticize the monarch and royal family. Rehman points out that much has changed since she left the country in 2007—for example, women are now allowed to drive—and yet, as she writes, “laws may have changed (but) the tradition and culture that define the identity of that nation remain intact. Beliefs and traditional ways observed by families prevail.” Yet even with the impetuous Crown Prince Mohamed bin Salman now in control—with his urgent desire to modernize the country even as he deepens totalitarian rule—the basic rhythms of Saudi society go on pretty much as they did during Rehman’s time there, and, indeed, as they have for hundreds of years.
What Rehman achieves in Its Not What You Think is to humanize Saudi Arabia and render it recognizable and even appealing to the non-Muslim reader. This is an honest, illuminating book that enlightens us about a place many Westerners see as the dark side of the moon. But, as Rehman points out, it’s not quite what we think. Riyadh is full of McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken, You Tube and Instagram, and a burgeoning upwardly mobile middle class. Saudi Arabia may be firmly grounded in religious and societal rhythms quite distant from our own, and yet in terms of day-to-day life, it may not be so different after all.
This book, by American Muslim author Sabeeha Rehman is neither a simplistic paint by numbers indictment of Saudi society as authoritarian and misogynist; nor conversely, a glorification thereof. Rather Sabeeha Rehman’s fascinating account of the six years she and her husband Khalid spent from 2001-2007 living in the Saudi capital of Riyadh as expats and working at the nation’s premiere hospital—Khalid as an oncologist and herself as a high-level hospital executive—is a nuanced, highly informative look into Saudi society through the insights of an American Muslim woman who takes the reader with her on a fascinating voyage of discovery.
It’s Not What You Think, the third book by Rehman, author of Threading My Prayer Rug: One Woman’s Journey from Pakistani Muslim to Muslim American and We Refuse to Be Enemies: How Muslims and Jews Can Make Peace One Friendship at a Time co-written with the writer of this review (one with an Advanced Reading Copy), will be published on October 11. (I read an Advanced Reading Copy). The book Is based on a diary Rehman kept during her years in Saudi Arabia. As a veteran reporter, myself, mainly for American Jewish and Israeli publications, I stand in awe of Rehman’s reportorial acumen in Its Not What You Think as she meticulously documents her encounter with a society which as she notes is “grounded in a culture that is tribal, patriarchal, family oriented, hospitable, private, insular and nationalistic; a culture that dates to the pre-Islamic era…”
If that assessment sounds forbidding—and Rehman acknowledges at the beginning of the book that she had serious doubts about moving there-- consider that although she and Khalid arrived in Riyadh with the intention of staying for two years, they happily extended their contract and ended up staying for six years. It turns out there was plenty for an emancipated American Muslim woman to like about Saudi Arabia; including living in an expatriate bubble free from the dress and social constraints imposed on Saudis beyond the walls of the compound with excellent pay and benefits, working in hospital administration at a higher level than had been possible in New York. On the other hand, Rehman also relished the experience of putting on an abaya and hijab (prescribed Muslim dress for all women beyond the walls of the compound) when she would go shopping at the mall outside the compound, where even simply covering her hair but not her face like many Saudi women, she found herself assuming and even enjoying an anonymity that she never experienced living in the West.
Rehman makes clear in this determinedly non-judgmental, and often humorous book that she relished living in a majority Muslim society where even malls have mosques; the lure of visiting Bedouin tribes in the surrounding desert and finding out that their women often had far more freedom than those in the capital, and most of all experiencing, together with her husband, the wonders of the hajj, the pilgrimage to Mecca and Medina that all Muslims are enjoined to make, and which she had Khalid experienced together with two million or more fellow pilgrims from virtually every country around the world. Rehman meticulously reports on the entire hajj experience including the intense heat and overwhelming crowds at the Kaaba, spring of Zamzam and other locales pilgrims are enjoined to visit, with concerns about stampeding a constant concern. Yet for Rehman, making the pilgrimage together with Muslims of all colors and ethnicities, and therefore feeling at one with the larger Muslim ummah, the global Muslim community was central to what made the hajj experience so spiritually powerful and transcendental for her.
Ultimately, it seemed to this reader that Sabeeha Rehman felt at home in Saudi Arabia because for her it truly is home—the very heart of the Muslim world. For Rehman, experiencing that sense of electric connection outweighed the very real societal negatives that she readily acknowledges—the violation of Saudi women’s’ autonomy by compelling them to cover their faces, the absolute power of the monarchy and strict limitations on the freedom to openly criticize the monarch and royal family. Rehman points out that much has changed since she left the country in 2007—for example, women are now allowed to drive—and yet, as she writes, “laws may have changed (but) the tradition and culture that define the identity of that nation remain intact. Beliefs and traditional ways observed by families prevail.” Yet even with the impetuous Crown Prince Mohamed bin Salman now in control—with his urgent desire to modernize the country even as he deepens totalitarian rule—the basic rhythms of Saudi society go on pretty much as they did during Rehman’s time there, and, indeed, as they have for hundreds of years.
What Rehman achieves in Its Not What You Think is to humanize Saudi Arabia and render it recognizable and even appealing to the non-Muslim reader. This is an honest, illuminating book that enlightens us about a place many Westerners see as the dark side of the moon. But, as Rehman points out, it’s not quite what we think. Riyadh is full of McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken, You Tube and Instagram, and a burgeoning upwardly mobile middle class. Saudi Arabia may be firmly grounded in religious and societal rhythms quite distant from our own, and yet in terms of day-to-day life, it may not be so different after all.
December 14, 2022
I had the pleasure of meeting Sabeeha in New York a few months ago. It wasn’t until the end of our conversation that I learned she was an author.
I have now read all three of her books and can’t wait to meet her again. She is a very good writer and anticipates what the reader might want to know in situations foreign to many of us.
I enjoyed her perspective on living and working in Saudi Arabia. I think she does a superb job of describing cross-cultural clashes and adaptation.
I recommend this book highly.
I have now read all three of her books and can’t wait to meet her again. She is a very good writer and anticipates what the reader might want to know in situations foreign to many of us.
I enjoyed her perspective on living and working in Saudi Arabia. I think she does a superb job of describing cross-cultural clashes and adaptation.
I recommend this book highly.
October 8, 2022
I love Sabeeha Rehman’s intimate and often witty account, written as emails to family and friends, of her six years of working in Saudi Arabia. Even though she is a devout Muslim, she still encountered instances of culture shock. Some of that was eased by living in a compound that was free of the restraints upon dress and social interactions. While she was often frustrated by the insular patriarchal society, the friendliness and helpfulness of the people enabled her to enjoy her time there.
I loved her explanations of how their religion shapes their day-to-day lives. I enjoyed reading about the culture of Saudi Arabia and the lifestyles of the people. She writes of her experience of participating in the hajj. During her six years there, two significant historical events happened – 9/11 and the death of King Fahd. (Did you know that beekeepers go to each beehive to tell them the king has died and announces the new king? They recently did that with the death of Queen Elizabeth.)
Rehman provides a refreshing glimpse into the lives of the women living in Saudi Arabia. While Saudi women are often portrayed as being oppressed, Sabeeha tells of the importance of women in the workforce there. She also tells of her experiences with the morality police – how frightening! And you may be surprised to hear that some women find the wearing of the abaya to be freeing.
This is the third of Rehman’s books I have read. Her beautiful writing is.
I highly recommend this book. It will shatter the impressions you may have of the country, negative impressions drilled into us by our media.
I received an advance copy of the book. The opinions expressed here are entirely my own.
I loved her explanations of how their religion shapes their day-to-day lives. I enjoyed reading about the culture of Saudi Arabia and the lifestyles of the people. She writes of her experience of participating in the hajj. During her six years there, two significant historical events happened – 9/11 and the death of King Fahd. (Did you know that beekeepers go to each beehive to tell them the king has died and announces the new king? They recently did that with the death of Queen Elizabeth.)
Rehman provides a refreshing glimpse into the lives of the women living in Saudi Arabia. While Saudi women are often portrayed as being oppressed, Sabeeha tells of the importance of women in the workforce there. She also tells of her experiences with the morality police – how frightening! And you may be surprised to hear that some women find the wearing of the abaya to be freeing.
This is the third of Rehman’s books I have read. Her beautiful writing is.
I highly recommend this book. It will shatter the impressions you may have of the country, negative impressions drilled into us by our media.
I received an advance copy of the book. The opinions expressed here are entirely my own.
November 24, 2022
I find other cultures, especially one's so distinctly different from my own, so fascinating and I've always been curious about the experience of expats in Saudi Arabia. And Rehman gives us just that - a very matter of fact, interesting recounting of her 6 years living in Saudi Arabia as an American and a Muslim. But the majority of the book is told by her old emails sent to family and friends almost daily during her life there and I hate to say I found them a bit cringey to read. It just felt very bubbly and over the top. But again, still interesting. She did lose me when she wrote about their pilgrimage to Meca and Medina - it was very long winded, impossible to keep the facts straight, and felt repetitive. The last part of the book was my favourite, writing wise. This is where Rehman actually writes that part of the book instead of using her emails to recount her experience. She really is a good writer! I do think, as a non Muslim myself, it would be even more interesting to read about how a non Muslim expat experiences living and working in Saudi Arabia since so much of the day is centered around prayer. I was hoping for an account on this from a friend or acquaintance even.
Thank you to Netgalley for the digital ARC. All opinions are my own.
Thank you to Netgalley for the digital ARC. All opinions are my own.
February 25, 2023
I read this to get an insight into a country I know little about...and from an American woman's perspective. However, the author was born and raised in Pakistan, and is a devout Muslim. So it wasn't quite a typical American woman.
Written as a series of emails to her friends in America during a six-year stay as an expatriate in Jeddah, the best part of the book is the spontaneity of her impressions as she experiences them. The worst part is how she seems to be star-struck when in the presence of VIPs and seems to think them closer to God than the rest of us. She is very status-conscious. But her observation of daily Saudi life--granted, quite privileged daily Saudi life- is valuable and interesting. Her writing got a little wooden and repetitious during her description of the hajj, but her description of the way it stirred her soul was quite vivid and uplifting.
Written as a series of emails to her friends in America during a six-year stay as an expatriate in Jeddah, the best part of the book is the spontaneity of her impressions as she experiences them. The worst part is how she seems to be star-struck when in the presence of VIPs and seems to think them closer to God than the rest of us. She is very status-conscious. But her observation of daily Saudi life--granted, quite privileged daily Saudi life- is valuable and interesting. Her writing got a little wooden and repetitious during her description of the hajj, but her description of the way it stirred her soul was quite vivid and uplifting.
March 23, 2023
2023 bk 101 - The book takes place approximately 20 years ago, but is still helpful in providing insight into the culture and mindset of one of the leaders of the Muslim world, the country of Saudi Arabia. As a Muslim-American and a Pakistan-American, she was able to look at the culture with insights and thoughtfulness that other westerners might not have. But, she still found cultural struggle points (when and how to show her hair, when to go to the mall around prayer times) and I was interested that some of the struggles were from her Pakistani youth and others from her American adulthood. A well defined book that does include somewhat of an update on friends, places, and events from her time there.
February 9, 2023
An interesting insight with some great moments and good pacing. I enjoyed the story overall. I felt some things were anachronistic but it didn't take away from the whole story.
I received a complimentary copy of this book through NetGalley. The opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.
I received a complimentary copy of this book through NetGalley. The opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.
July 31, 2023
It's like getting emails from your mom or favorite aunt. Toodle-oo for now! and because it's frank about issues like using birth control to control your menses (yes, ironic to run get birth control for a trip during which sex is forbidden), and going through menopause on the job. But full of good information, because Rehman is a compliance officer, attuned to rules, respectful of others, and deep in faith without pushing your nose in it. She notes the several ways the Kingdom was changing even during the six years she lived there. Other interesting turns to her narrative are that she was living in Saudi during 9/11, the U.S. invasion of Iraq, and the death of King Fahd (for me, memories of living in Beirut during the death of King Faisal - also a smooth transition). I did find it ironic that she took a job apparently doing the very thing her husband was trying to escape in the US: paraprofessionals examining doctors' choice of tests and treatments. Her experience in Saudi was the opposite of that related in Addonia's book Consequences of Love (she does acknowledge the difficulties faced by foreign workers who are not professionals). It was disappointing that she didn't learn Arabic, but I can certainly relate, having failed to learn much of it in Beirut. My favorite parts are how easy it is to be Muslim there - a qibla painted on the wall, copious amounts of vacation, the conduct of the Hajj. "My stress level had dropped to zero...There was a feeling of peace, calm, contentment, quiet, and all that good stuff. I was relaxed. I wasn't hurried...Some inexplicable force that permeates the air instilling quiet and peace." I would also like to thank Jyothi Pamidimukkala!
December 4, 2022
An Enjoyable and Illuminating Read:
For anyone interested in modern-day Saudi Arabia, as experienced by an expat from New York, this book is A Must. Sabeeha was a senior level hospital administrator, (of Pakistani heritage) who lived and worked (with her husband, Khalid, an oncologist), in Saudi Arabia for six years in the early 2000's.
The author engages the reader with her adaptation to cultural norms, her experience as a respected professional, and her enviable travel diary. Perhaps most memorable for me were her detailed accounts of Hajj, the annual pilgrimage to Mecca which every Muslim is required to perform once in a lifetime; her mesmerizing account of the desert (stars at night, walk at sunrise, riding up and down the sand dunes), of a safari spotting various animals including gazelles and Arabian horses, and her everyday life working in a Riyadh's most prestigious hospital. She offers us a glimpse into her social life, how she felt being enveloped in a black cloak - the abaya, restrictions on women driving (and the benefits of being driven), limited freedoms and her decision to stay in Saudi Arabia after the towers fell on 9/11.
She sums it up upon leaving in Spring 2007 as: "We left feeling that every moment of our life there had been a gift: the friends we made, the sense of fulfillment in our work, how welcome we felt, and the warmth of the people who touched us." What more could one want, in a book, in life.
For anyone interested in modern-day Saudi Arabia, as experienced by an expat from New York, this book is A Must. Sabeeha was a senior level hospital administrator, (of Pakistani heritage) who lived and worked (with her husband, Khalid, an oncologist), in Saudi Arabia for six years in the early 2000's.
The author engages the reader with her adaptation to cultural norms, her experience as a respected professional, and her enviable travel diary. Perhaps most memorable for me were her detailed accounts of Hajj, the annual pilgrimage to Mecca which every Muslim is required to perform once in a lifetime; her mesmerizing account of the desert (stars at night, walk at sunrise, riding up and down the sand dunes), of a safari spotting various animals including gazelles and Arabian horses, and her everyday life working in a Riyadh's most prestigious hospital. She offers us a glimpse into her social life, how she felt being enveloped in a black cloak - the abaya, restrictions on women driving (and the benefits of being driven), limited freedoms and her decision to stay in Saudi Arabia after the towers fell on 9/11.
She sums it up upon leaving in Spring 2007 as: "We left feeling that every moment of our life there had been a gift: the friends we made, the sense of fulfillment in our work, how welcome we felt, and the warmth of the people who touched us." What more could one want, in a book, in life.
October 8, 2023
So many mixed feelings about this. I read this as part of the Read around the world challenge and I’m glad I read it because I really knew nothing about Saudi Arabia. The format was kind of odd as it was mainly actual emails that the author sent to her friends and family while living for 6 years in Saudi Arabia. The emails were very casual and unpolished writing for a book in my opinion. I did feel like I learned a bit about the culture but it really a limited view as the author was working in a hospital with many other expats. And in this hospital the rules were much different from what it was like on the outside for real Saudi’s. A few things I did learn is that the Saudi’s in general are good peaceful god-loving people that want the same as everyone else. To raise their families and wish for the best for their kids. I also learned a bit about the Muslim faith which I basically knew nothing about. However it is very uncomfortable to read about how the culture views and treats women. I thought it was so interesting how she described some of the Saudi people when they arrived in America, how they disrobed from the cultural clothes revealing underneath the outfits Americans wear. The other thing to keep in mind is that her account was from 20 years ago and some things have really changed since then. I still have reservations however with the royal family and the political side of it all. It was an uncomfortable read but glad I read it.
January 17, 2023
This was a very good look into Saudi and Muslim culture and traditions. It’s an interesting insight into an Arab culture many westerns wouldn’t necessarily understand, especially given the bias of western media coverage. I found the details about the Hajj especially good since non-Muslims cannot experience this epic tradition.
It’s very important to note, however, the date of the author’s time in Saudi Arabia—early 2000s. She tries to weave into the narrative references to how culture is now, but notes more in the Epilogue that there have been many drastic changes in the last couple of years that make her own experience outdated. The author references an article from the April 2022 issue of The Atlantic that offers more details on the big cultural changes dictated by the Crown Prince . That article is a good companion piece to this memoir.
Overall, the book was well written, engaging, and fascinating for me.
It’s very important to note, however, the date of the author’s time in Saudi Arabia—early 2000s. She tries to weave into the narrative references to how culture is now, but notes more in the Epilogue that there have been many drastic changes in the last couple of years that make her own experience outdated. The author references an article from the April 2022 issue of The Atlantic that offers more details on the big cultural changes dictated by the Crown Prince . That article is a good companion piece to this memoir.
Overall, the book was well written, engaging, and fascinating for me.
September 30, 2022
It's always fascinating to read about the lives of ex-pats and Rehman has written of her life in Saudi Arabia with her husband. They have a very insular life there as employees of a hospital. Rehman is able to experience things differently from other expats due to her own ethnic background and religion. All in all, she has a very positive view of life in Saudi Arabia and she was able to overcome some challenges when it came to her career. I enjoyed the format of the book which includes letters and/or emails that she sent home; this keeps the experience very fresh.
Thank you to NetGalley for an advance copy of this book.
Thank you to NetGalley for an advance copy of this book.
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February 18, 2023Really interesting memoir of the six years a woman spent in Saudi Arabia. While she is an American, she was born in Pakistan and is a practicing Muslim so many of the things that might be startling to a non-Muslim unfamiliar with the culture, she observes as a normal part of the day. She details the Haj, which is fascinating, though there's so much that goes on it became a little confusing. Overall it's a fascinating anthropological exploration of a place I'm curious about but will never get to see in person.
February 24, 2023
Lacking
Unfortunately, It’s not what you think…. Or hoped. I really wanted to like this book. I kept wanting it to take off and be interesting, but each chapter was more boring than the one before it. I found myself skimming through more and more, hoping the author would write something memorable or heartfelt or endearing… or beautiful or dark or shocking…It never happened. It was emotionally flat.
I gave it 1 star for being informational and 1 for being useful for helping me fall asleep at night.
Unfortunately, It’s not what you think…. Or hoped. I really wanted to like this book. I kept wanting it to take off and be interesting, but each chapter was more boring than the one before it. I found myself skimming through more and more, hoping the author would write something memorable or heartfelt or endearing… or beautiful or dark or shocking…It never happened. It was emotionally flat.
I gave it 1 star for being informational and 1 for being useful for helping me fall asleep at night.
March 18, 2023
2.5 stars. Interesting "inside" look at life in Saudi Arabia in the early 2000s. Too much detail of her role as a hospital executive IMO.
April 25, 2023
For most Americans Saudi Arabia is only known through extreme stereotypes. Looking through that distorted lens, it's virtually impossible for most of us to understand what daily working and leisure life would be like in this country which has been so tightly connected to the United States for decades. Although the time period in which Sabeeha Rehman's account of the 6 years she and her husband spent in Saudi Arabia is not recent, the cultural norms she describes are not subject to significant change; thus, we can be sure that most of what she describes with a knowledgeable but light touch remains essentially the same. Because the time span of the book includes the 9/11 terrorist attack carried out primarily by Saudi citizens, it is of particular interest to experience this event through Sabeeha’s eyes.
Both by her conversational tone -- the book was developed from emails she wrote to her family and friends during this period -- and by her unique perspective as a Muslim born in Pakistan but fully integrated into American life, she is the perfect guide. If the author had been a stranger both to Saudi Arabia and to Islam, it would have been difficult to attain the authenticity that is the hallmark of Sabeeha’s writing. Her understanding of the narrow window through which most Americans’ view Islam gives her the perspective to write about the all-encompassing role of religion in Saudi life in language accessible to the American reader through explanation as well as description of personal practices and events. At the same time, she has the keen eye of an experienced, always curious, and never biased traveler to report on everyday as well as extraordinary elements of life in Saudi Arabia. In the frequent instances when Sabeeha applies a touch of irony to tell a tale of the ridiculous, she is always fair-minded and never malicious.
The demands of Sabeeha's significant work as an administrator in a prominent hospital in the capital, Riyadh, for most of the 6 years spent in Saudi Arabia serves to elevate her perspective to a virtual insider’s point of view. When she describes the working culture of the hospital, we see a great deal of the “It’s Not What You Think” of the title. This applies in many ways but none more so than the role of women who, contrary to our western attitude of dismay over social practices we often conceive of as relegating women to second-class status, can occupy important positions in the workplace including supervisory responsibilities over males.
Reading this book, you will not only gain a great deal of knowledge about Saudi Arabia and Islam, but you will have the privilege of getting to know Sabeeha Rehman, a citizen of the world and ambassador of peace and understanding.
Both by her conversational tone -- the book was developed from emails she wrote to her family and friends during this period -- and by her unique perspective as a Muslim born in Pakistan but fully integrated into American life, she is the perfect guide. If the author had been a stranger both to Saudi Arabia and to Islam, it would have been difficult to attain the authenticity that is the hallmark of Sabeeha’s writing. Her understanding of the narrow window through which most Americans’ view Islam gives her the perspective to write about the all-encompassing role of religion in Saudi life in language accessible to the American reader through explanation as well as description of personal practices and events. At the same time, she has the keen eye of an experienced, always curious, and never biased traveler to report on everyday as well as extraordinary elements of life in Saudi Arabia. In the frequent instances when Sabeeha applies a touch of irony to tell a tale of the ridiculous, she is always fair-minded and never malicious.
The demands of Sabeeha's significant work as an administrator in a prominent hospital in the capital, Riyadh, for most of the 6 years spent in Saudi Arabia serves to elevate her perspective to a virtual insider’s point of view. When she describes the working culture of the hospital, we see a great deal of the “It’s Not What You Think” of the title. This applies in many ways but none more so than the role of women who, contrary to our western attitude of dismay over social practices we often conceive of as relegating women to second-class status, can occupy important positions in the workplace including supervisory responsibilities over males.
Reading this book, you will not only gain a great deal of knowledge about Saudi Arabia and Islam, but you will have the privilege of getting to know Sabeeha Rehman, a citizen of the world and ambassador of peace and understanding.
March 27, 2023
"It is not what you think: An American Woman in Saudi Arabia" is about Saudi Arabia as it was 20 years ago. The book, part daily diary and part observation of the insular culture and workplace, is a fascinating look at what the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia was around the turn of 21st century.
Ms. Rehman brings you up close, moment by moment and narrates what she expected and what she found when she arrived there as a hospital executive in the year 2001. Planning to stay only two, she ended up being there for six years (including the time when the hijackers attacked America on 9/11/2001.
With her unique writing style (first person, in the moment, sweet and yet funny), she takes you on the daily rounds in the hospital's executive corridors and a society that has been hitherto insular and closed. If you want to experience the spiritual journey of the Hajj (annual pilgrimage to Mecca), walk along her, from page to page in the two chapters devoted just to this experience. How the country prepared to welcome over two million pilgrims from all over the world that year, as it does every year, and how she prepared herself to be one of those two million, is worth reading.
The contradictions, expectations, and realities are jarring but understandable, as the nation tries to manage the old tribal traditions, social customs, patriarchy and at the same time, modernity.
For those who have recently visited the Kingdom and / or are familiar with the rapid social changes being brought about by the young prince Mohammad Bin Salman, this book will serve as comparator of what was then and what is now.
I enjoyed reading the beautiful memoire while also learning a lot about the Saudi Culture, role and place of women and the workplace.
Ms. Rehman brings you up close, moment by moment and narrates what she expected and what she found when she arrived there as a hospital executive in the year 2001. Planning to stay only two, she ended up being there for six years (including the time when the hijackers attacked America on 9/11/2001.
With her unique writing style (first person, in the moment, sweet and yet funny), she takes you on the daily rounds in the hospital's executive corridors and a society that has been hitherto insular and closed. If you want to experience the spiritual journey of the Hajj (annual pilgrimage to Mecca), walk along her, from page to page in the two chapters devoted just to this experience. How the country prepared to welcome over two million pilgrims from all over the world that year, as it does every year, and how she prepared herself to be one of those two million, is worth reading.
The contradictions, expectations, and realities are jarring but understandable, as the nation tries to manage the old tribal traditions, social customs, patriarchy and at the same time, modernity.
For those who have recently visited the Kingdom and / or are familiar with the rapid social changes being brought about by the young prince Mohammad Bin Salman, this book will serve as comparator of what was then and what is now.
I enjoyed reading the beautiful memoire while also learning a lot about the Saudi Culture, role and place of women and the workplace.
April 15, 2023
Among the subjects that intrigue me the most in my readings, the customs and habits of a people stand out, regardless of any value judgment.
In this regard, the book opens a wide window of knowledge into the closed society of Saudi Arabia.
The author portrays, without prejudice, the day-to-day life in a country that is completely driven by religion and tribal relations, even in a fully connected and globalized world.
With an easy and flowing writing style, the author describes the events as if in a diary, without judgment or criticism, just a "black and white" portrayal. However, she does not hide her strong religious devotion, and as a result, there is an excessive focus on the chapters about the pilgrimage to Mecca.
Some interesting and picturesque habits described by her include:
* The Arabic language does not admit new words because it must remain faithful to the Quran.
* Heavy labor is done by other nationalities and is often undervalued by Saudis (for example, the Saudi boy who cut in line at the cafeteria and when reprimanded by the attendant, the attendant received a scolding from the Saudi father).
* Family and tribal ties are very strong, resulting in situations such as never firing an incompetent employee, but rather moving them to a harmless position.
* Recommendations carry more weight than qualifications.
* Marriages are arranged.
* Women need permission from their husband or male family member to undergo surgery, open a bank account, or even drive (while a 12-year-old boy can drive instead of any woman).
* Breasts are not considered erotic elements for Bedouins.
* Even in matters of religion, the royal family has privileges in terms of access and pilgrimage.
* The author reflects on how the use of the burqa is also a way for women to remain incognito.
* She is impressed by the focus of Saudi women who seem to have fewer distractions and are highly efficient in bureaucratic work.
* The religion (a sect of Sunni Islam called Wahhabism) is followed extremely strictly, with mandatory Muslim prayer times reinforced by moral guards.
Finally, the author's firsthand experience of the pilgrimage to Medina and Mecca and the devotion of the people in their daily faith is interesting. In fact, the unbiased narrative helps us to better understand this faith that is often judged with prejudice.
In this regard, the book opens a wide window of knowledge into the closed society of Saudi Arabia.
The author portrays, without prejudice, the day-to-day life in a country that is completely driven by religion and tribal relations, even in a fully connected and globalized world.
With an easy and flowing writing style, the author describes the events as if in a diary, without judgment or criticism, just a "black and white" portrayal. However, she does not hide her strong religious devotion, and as a result, there is an excessive focus on the chapters about the pilgrimage to Mecca.
Some interesting and picturesque habits described by her include:
* The Arabic language does not admit new words because it must remain faithful to the Quran.
* Heavy labor is done by other nationalities and is often undervalued by Saudis (for example, the Saudi boy who cut in line at the cafeteria and when reprimanded by the attendant, the attendant received a scolding from the Saudi father).
* Family and tribal ties are very strong, resulting in situations such as never firing an incompetent employee, but rather moving them to a harmless position.
* Recommendations carry more weight than qualifications.
* Marriages are arranged.
* Women need permission from their husband or male family member to undergo surgery, open a bank account, or even drive (while a 12-year-old boy can drive instead of any woman).
* Breasts are not considered erotic elements for Bedouins.
* Even in matters of religion, the royal family has privileges in terms of access and pilgrimage.
* The author reflects on how the use of the burqa is also a way for women to remain incognito.
* She is impressed by the focus of Saudi women who seem to have fewer distractions and are highly efficient in bureaucratic work.
* The religion (a sect of Sunni Islam called Wahhabism) is followed extremely strictly, with mandatory Muslim prayer times reinforced by moral guards.
Finally, the author's firsthand experience of the pilgrimage to Medina and Mecca and the devotion of the people in their daily faith is interesting. In fact, the unbiased narrative helps us to better understand this faith that is often judged with prejudice.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 18, 2024
Generally interesting, but sometimes wearying. Rehman is a Pakistani-born American Muslim who moved with her husband to Saudi Arabia shortly before 9/11 and stayed for six years. 15 years later, she wrote this book about her experiences. (Quick note: there's a downside in this as she notes at the end how the nation has changed since her time there, making many of her observations a little out of date).
Some observations are interesting, such as noting how efficient so many Saudi women were in the workplace, and how there was some power in wearing the veil in public (as she didn't have to worry as much about how she was treated, and could so easily blend in with the crowd). Experiences with Bedouin people were very different than experiences in Riyadh. Many forms she had to fill out required her husband's permission.
That said, this book is a weird mixture of observtaions of life in Saudi Arabia and memories of times she spent with co-workers and friends there - and I was less interested in that. There's a substantial chunk of the book discussing her pilgrimage to Mecca, and while that absolutely belongs in the book, it went a little long. Also, I kept checking the glossary in the back to find terms she used in that chapter - and half the time the term I searched for wasn't there.
Much of this book consists of emails she initially wrote her friends and family when she was there. These emails point out the difference between well-written emails and a well-written book.
Some observations are interesting, such as noting how efficient so many Saudi women were in the workplace, and how there was some power in wearing the veil in public (as she didn't have to worry as much about how she was treated, and could so easily blend in with the crowd). Experiences with Bedouin people were very different than experiences in Riyadh. Many forms she had to fill out required her husband's permission.
That said, this book is a weird mixture of observtaions of life in Saudi Arabia and memories of times she spent with co-workers and friends there - and I was less interested in that. There's a substantial chunk of the book discussing her pilgrimage to Mecca, and while that absolutely belongs in the book, it went a little long. Also, I kept checking the glossary in the back to find terms she used in that chapter - and half the time the term I searched for wasn't there.
Much of this book consists of emails she initially wrote her friends and family when she was there. These emails point out the difference between well-written emails and a well-written book.
June 9, 2023
For all armchair travellers! If you have ever wanted to know what life was like for Americans working as expatriates in Saudi Arabia from their very first days and months of residence, then this is the book for you. Urged by her friends to document her impressions from the very beginning of her stay, Sabeeha makes you feel as if you are making the journey with her in real-time as she and her husband temporarily pull up roots from the US to reside overseas. You are able to experience the full range of her reactions and often unexpected feelings of surprise as if you were by her side, as she begins to navigate the social mores of Saudi culture and work environment at the premier hospital in Riyadh. Sabeeha writes with humor and reflection upon her day-to-day life as well as upon her travels within the country. Since her stay in Saudi encompassed the tragic events of 9/11, she is also able to give you a sense of the shock and disbelief experienced by both expatriates as well as the Saudis they were working with. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, learned many new things and would highly recommend it to others.
May 6, 2025
This was an interesting read. I rounded up to 4 stars because of review bias towards BIPOC writers. It was intersesting to see an American Muslim immigrant's perspective on being an expat in KSA, and the detailed descriptions were interesting. The Hajj bit was especially illuminating, and I have a much better understanding of what that pilgrimage is about now. Also her account of being in KSA during 9/11 was a whole thing. I do think that the author was a bit excessively rhapsodic about KSA, but given how much negative press it gets, I see why she would do that. But at the same time, there are serious and valid critiques that she ignores but which are relevant (I would apply this take to a similarly gushing account of someone spending 6 years living in the US, if it didn't also grapple with some of the issues with the US). But if you want to hear a lot of positives about a misunderstood and oft-maligned country, this is a strong option.
February 28, 2023
I felt this was an interesting look at life in Saudi Arabia, from the viewpoint of an American (Pakistani-American) Muslim woman. Sabeeha Rehman moved to Riyadh with her husband as he was an oncologist at King Faisal Hospital. It’s mostly told through daily emails that she wrote to family/friends back home in NYC. She has a sense of humor, which I enjoyed. It was interesting for me to read about her religion and the observances (prayers, hajj). There were parts that got a little long, their hajj trip to Mecca/Medina, although it was still interesting. I appreciated the feelings of peace and strength that she felt there.
I will have to see if there is another book written by expatriate living in Saudi Arabia, who is a Christian, as I wonder if there might be more culture shock.
This was a clean read.
I will have to see if there is another book written by expatriate living in Saudi Arabia, who is a Christian, as I wonder if there might be more culture shock.
This was a clean read.
March 18, 2025
It was interesting to learn of Saudi's culture and laws, and how they changed over the years. The author also wrote about her Hajj experience, which made me see how devoted Muslims can be despite all the challenges. Personally, I felt suffocated just from reading about it, from the throngs of people to the confusion created by having too many people at one place to the heat. I doubt anyone could go through all that without a strong faith. There were parts that were draggy and repetitive, so I took the liberty to skip some parts. The author's first encounter with the morality police irked me a little, because it seemed to be implied that she wished they spoke English. She really, really wanted to know what they were talking about. My only response to that? You're in Saudi, go learn their language. I was glad she did try to learn Arabic eventually, even though it didn't stick.
June 2, 2023
I read this book upon personal recommendation and found it informative and insightful. Few Westerners have been to Saudi Arabia, let alone worked there, so it was good to have an insider's view of ex-pat life from a Muslim perspective. I could not help thinking how interesting it would be to have the point of view of a non-Muslim visiting Saudi or of any visitor with more exposure to life there outside the ex-pat community, but that's for another book. Still, this first-hand account offered a wealth of detail concerning the compound and hospital complex lifestyle along with an in-depth relaying of the haj experience and how it is managed. It was eye-opening and I would recommend it.
June 4, 2023
This memoir is a fascinating and informative look at life in Saudi Arabia. The author is an American Muslim from New Jersey. When her husband accepts an oncologist job in Riyadh, she becomes a hospital administrator. They remain for 6 years, taking advantage of travel and religious opportunities. September 11 occurs while they on their way to a religious pilgrimage. That horror reverberates for a long time. The description of the pilgrimage to Mecca with 2 million other pilgrims is fascinating. The author spends much time and energy trying to figure out what is culturally appropriate as opposed to legally required behaviour especially for women.
August 28, 2022
Highly recommend this fascinating read!
Sabeeha and her husband, American Muslims, move to Riyadh, the most conservative city in Saudi Arabia, to work in the top hospital. Her account is not a sociological look at Saudi life, rather the life of an expat, which is very different, and she's clear on this. She writes of what she saw and experienced honestly and without judgement, totally observational and accepting of the local culture. She writes this as a series of emails which keeps it conversational and fast to read.
Sabeeha and her husband, American Muslims, move to Riyadh, the most conservative city in Saudi Arabia, to work in the top hospital. Her account is not a sociological look at Saudi life, rather the life of an expat, which is very different, and she's clear on this. She writes of what she saw and experienced honestly and without judgement, totally observational and accepting of the local culture. She writes this as a series of emails which keeps it conversational and fast to read.
January 3, 2023
How often does one get to walk in the shoes of an adventurer? No, not to the crest of Everest, but to a culture that is often vilified and, at the very least, grossly misunderstood and unappreciated. In "It's Not What You Think: An American Woman in Saudi Arabia," Sabeeha Rehman leads us, step by careful step, into a surprisingly rich and revelatory journey. Written with wit and candor and not a small dose of humility, this book is a fine point of entry into both Saudi culture and a brave and curious woman's soul. Highly recommended.
February 7, 2023
In her most recent book, once again Sabeeha Rehman has enlightened us to a culture whose lifestyle remains puzzling, mysterious, and largely unfamiliar to us. She throws the doors wide open in her sometimes serious, sometimes alarming, and many times humorous
look at the culture of Saudi Arabia.
Once again, as Ms. Rehman takes
this journey, she underscores the need for understanding cultural differences and the necessity of closing the gaps -- and remembering that we are all people, living on one planet, in one vast universe.
look at the culture of Saudi Arabia.
Once again, as Ms. Rehman takes
this journey, she underscores the need for understanding cultural differences and the necessity of closing the gaps -- and remembering that we are all people, living on one planet, in one vast universe.
August 22, 2023
Really interesting. Prose isn’t particularly riveting, but it gave me a new perspective on the thought of living abroad, especially in a country as controversial as Saudi Arabia.
Reviewed by a 2023 Summer Read-A-Palooza patron
Find it at the library here.
Reviewed by a 2023 Summer Read-A-Palooza patron
Find it at the library here.
November 16, 2023
This is the memoir of an American Muslim woman who takes a job as a hospital administrator (her oncologist husband also takes a job at the same medical complex) in a very conservative Saudi city. It's just a fascinating read, covering the many paradoxes of life in Saudi Arabia; very much in keeping with the title of the book. In the workplace, women can weld much power, but so many customs are paradoxical with this in their extreme contrast. The couple planned to spend 2 years but ended up spending 6, and their stay overlapped the 9-11 incident; how that changed their experience (both in Saudi Arabia and when they returned to NYC) is quite interesting.
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