Everything I Never Dreamed: My Life Surviving and Standing Up to Domestic Violence

by Ruth M. Glenn

The raw, uplifting, and unforgettable memoir from the CEO and president of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence chronicling her personal battle against abuse, violence, and even a murder attempt.

Ruth M. Glenn wasn’t surprised the first time her husband beat her. She was hurt and disappointed but after a childhood in a broken and violent home, she was not surprised. After all, this was just the way things were, right?

It was only after she lay bleeding in a carwash parking lot, after being shot three times by him, that Glenn resolved—if she managed to survive—to spend the rest of her life standing up to domestic violence.

Now, she brings her full story to the forefront with this survivor’s tale crossed with a rousing call to action. She reveals her difficult but ultimately rewarding journey from that parking lot to sacrificing everything to obtain her advanced degrees. With her evocative and thoughtful voice, Glenn explores the dynamics of domestic violence, why women and children are seen as lesser in our society, how to stop victim-blaming, and how to demystify domestic violence to stop it once and for all.

A memoir of resilience and courage, Everything I Never Dreamed is a necessary book that proves that abuse does not have to define a survivor’s entire life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography Memoir, Abuse, Biography

277 pages, Hardcover

First published October 4, 2022

Reviews

[Penny Adrian · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book deserves 5 stars, but I did have some problems with the focus on adult victims of domestic violence rather than on the children caught in the middle. When it comes to domestic violence, childre are too often treated as collateral damage.
I was a child in a domestic violence situation, and I have far less sympathy for mothers who remain with their batterers than society says I "should".
A woman who is trapped with a batterer is never a fit mother.
If a woman cannot protect herself, she cannot protect her children - and protecting one's children is a mother's primary responsibility.
The author herself, a brave, loving, and brilliant woman, was able to recover from the affects of her batterer's abuse - but her son was not. Decades later he is still struggling with the effects of that trauma, despite her obvious love for him.
Children's Lives Matter.
When a woman chooses to return to an abuser, she is choosing to subject her children to trauma.
Because I do not believe that children are property, I do not think any mother has a right to make that choice.
Many battered women worship their abusers, and will turn a blind eye when the abuser verbally, sexually, and physically abuses her kids.
The news is tragically filled with stories of children murdered by a mother's husband or boyfriend; too often, the mother assists in covering up for the abuser when he harms her children - just as she covered up for him when he abused her.
My main concern is not for adult victims of domestic violence; my main concern is for the children.
It is tragic that some women are so mentally wounded by abuse that they refuse to leave their abusers But we need to stop spreading the lie that most battered women "want" to leave their abusers; usually they don't want to leave, and will often beg their abusers to come back if their abusers do the leaving. Most battered women do not stay with their abusers out of fear, but out of a perverted kind of "love" that not only endangers them, but endangers the children they are supposed to protect.
I was one of those children.
As an adult, I have never been abused by anyone, and certainly not the men I've been romantically involved with.
I simply would not tolerate it. And I sure as hell would not tolerate anyone abusing my own precious child.
Women are Adults. Not children.
If a woman is not capable of leaving a man to protect her child, then her child/children must be put under the care of responsible adults who can protect her children from the trauma of domestic violence.
I know this sounds harsh, but I have seen too many women have the choice to safely leave their abusers, but instead chose to continuing endangering themselves and their children.
A woman has a right to return to her abuser, but she has no right to subject her children to that abuse.

[Rachael Willihnganz]

I had the privilege of hearing Ruth Glenn speak for Domestic Violence Awareness day and I’m so glad I read her book. Her story as a survivor and an advocate reinvigorated me as a teammate in the quest to end violence against women and children. Going to encourage all of my coworkers to read!

[Sheila · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an ARC of, Everything I Never Dreamed, by Ruth M. Glenn. This is Ruth's story about abuse, what happened to her, information on abusers and victims, and how she survived.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
This is Ruth's story of surviving domestic violence and helping make a positive difference in other survivors' lives. Important book with a lot of good information.

[Johnnysbookreviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a solid book. I would suggest anybody read this book. The beginning talks about her story then it goes over ways to help. The misconception is that people feel like they are safer leaving, but this could make it worse. In Ruth's case, she left and was shot 3 times by her ex.

[Leanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I met Ruth in our undergrad days at TWC. She is an extraordinary human with an extraordinary story.

[Annie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Originally posted on my blog Nonstop Reader.

Everything I Never Dreamed is an emotionally raw and vulnerable memoir written by Ruth M. Glenn. Released 4th Oct 2022 by Simon & Schuster on their Atria imprint, it's 288 pages and is available in hardcover, audio, and ebook formats. It's worth noting that the ebook format has a handy interactive table of contents as well as interactive links and references throughout. I've really become enamored of ebooks with interactive formats lately.

This is a simply, honestly, and compassionately written memoir. It certainly is the story of one woman's childhood and experiences with domestic instability and generational poverty and violence, but it is also (and possibly more importantly), the story of societal and structural inequity and a wider tapestry of the millions of children and adults who are living with trauma and instability from domestic violence.

She is an important voice for the voiceless and has used her intelligence and articulation to both illuminate and map out some potential solutions for the myriad complex problems which DV causes and perpetuates.

It's *not* an easy read. It is unquestionably and important one. This would make a good selection for public or post-secondary library acquisition, personal reading, or more formal academic/classroom reading and discussion. It would also be a great choice for book club or buddy read.

Five stars.

Disclosure: I received an ARC at no cost from the author/publisher for review purposes.

[Debra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did not learn about this book until I saw it in the new nonfiction section at the library. Why not? I checked it out and learned who Ruth M. Glenn is CEO and President of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Ruth M. Glenn survived domestic violence and devoted her professional life creating awareness about domestic violence. The book is well paced with her exposure to violence as a child and marrying the father of her child. This husband would almost kill her. Ms. Glenn gives credit to the women that supported her in her escape and understanding of what she experienced. Her understanding continues as she unravels her family's interaction and roles around her. This is a well researched book with answers on how communities can address domestic violence. Anyone working in the field of domestic violence needs to read this account.

[Rebecca Zimmerman · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a domestic violence researcher, advocate, and survivor, I’ve long admired Glenn’s transformational leadership style at NCADV. So it’s saying something that this book was even better than I expected.

This is Glenn's true story of being subjected to domestic violence by her spouse and the life of advocacy she built afterwards, and in that regard alone it is powerful. It is also a synthesis of the root causes, manifestations, and horrific impacts of domestic violence, and strategies for addressing it. It is so packed with pithy gems of wisdom, I highlighted almost the whole policy section!

A must-read for survivors, advocates, policymakers, journalists, and everyone who care about a public health crisis affecting us all--whether we realize it or not!

[Lhay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Solid
I liked how the book wasn't just a memoir of one's life but discussed the topic of domestic violence in general also. The topic itself is sad and horrific but somehow the mood of the book is hopeful and resilient.

This stat took me by surprise:
"1 out of every three black boys and 1 out of 6 latino boys can expect to go to prison in his lifetime. For white boys the figure is 1 in 17."
[in the USA]

Another interesting tidbit was how the media reports about DV cases. The perpetrator might not be mentioned or there's even victim blaming. i had never thought about it but will do now whenever I see news articles about DV.

The audiobook was narrated by the author and she had a pleasant voice. So listening experience was pleasent in that sense.

[J.J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a hard but needed book, as it discusses why the abused stay, the systems in place which prevent leaving abuse, and women in the criminal justice system. It talks about breaking cycles and educating against domestic violence, and it offers advice on if you're trying to help someone who is being abused. It presents the national legislation changes in the United States and discusses the trauma and mental health of both the abuser, the abused and many times the extended family. And it presents some successful programs. Overall if you read in feminist studies, criminal justice, or sociology, you'll find this difficult but informative.

[Kate Nack · Rating 5 out of 5]

This heartbreaking and heartfelt memoir is a must read. As part of my job, I support my company’s programs to support domestic violence survivors. Despite more than six years working on this directly and more than 12 years indirectly, I learned so much about this issue from this book. It maintains the right balance of storytelling and education, inspiration and information and frustration and hope. Although this touches on a difficult topic (activation warnings: domestic violence, sexual assault, suicide), it does so in a way that leaves you better educated on the topic and ready to engage. There is much work to be done!

[Jane Song · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this book was on everyone's shelf. I was reading this book from the perspective of a DV survivor, and there were so many sticky notes in this book by the time I finished, from passages I could relate to, to things that I wish more people knew and understood about DV. I really have come to admire Ruth and the work she's done in her life.

[Helen Geng]

NYPL book

[James McGlynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fascinating story of a woman shot by her husband and her involvement in preventing domestic violence. Her story was interesting but the second part of the book was too texty for me.

[Kay Muñoz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a difficult read. Even though I work within the DV/IPV space the stories are never easy. So please give yourself the space to reflect, and time to proceed with the reading.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must-read for anyone who knows or works with domestic violence survivors.

[Allison Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this for a women and gender studies class. It really shows how violence is more than just the physical harm.