Loved and Lost: A Relationship Trilogy

by Jeffrey Brown

A pioneer of 21st-century graphic memoir, Jeffrey Brown captures timeless insights into love, intimacy, and vulnerability in three unforgettable relationship portraits. Twenty years ago, young painter Jeffrey Brown grew frustrated with the expectations of the art world and wanted desperately to make something real. In a single sketchbook, working directly in ink, he began recording his memories of a recent long-distance relationship, matching the emotional frailty of the young lovers with painfully honest writing and art. As that book, Clumsy, struck a chord with readers and spawned the follow-ups Unlikely and Any Easy Intimacy, Brown’s work proved a watershed for the emerging form of the graphic memoir. Chronicling the awkward mess of romantic relationships in unsparing and unflinching detail, these works also reflect the fragmentary nature of memory, the risk of opening ourselves to pain, and the giggly rush of falling in love. Now collected into one volume for the first time, this Relationship Trilogy is a bittersweet reminder of the everyday joy, heartbreak, and humor that—despite everything—keep us coming back for more.

Genres: Graphic Novels, Comics, Fiction

598 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 15, 2022

About the author

Jeffrey Brown was born in 1975 in Grand Rapids, Michigan and grew up reading comic books with dreams of someday drawing them, only to abandon them and focus on becoming a 'fine artist.' While earning his MFA from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, Brown abandoned painting and began drawing comics with his first autobiographical book 'Clumsy' in 2001. Since then he's drawn a dozen books for publishers including TopShelf, Fantagraphics, Drawn & Quarterly, McSweeney's and Chronicle Books. Simon & Schuster published his latest graphic memoir 'Funny Misshapen Body.' In addition to directing an animated video for the band Death Cab For Cutie, Brown has had his work featured on NPR's 'This American Life' His art has been shown at galleries in New York, San Francisco, San Diego, Los Angeles and Paris. Jeffrey's work has also appeared in the Best American Comics series and received the Ignatz Award in 2003 for 'Outstanding Minicomic.'
He currently lives in Chicago with his wife Jennifer and their son Oscar.

Reviews

[Salty Swift · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you enjoy rehashing someone's feeble attempts at losing their virginity to three different girls with next to no plot, here's a perfect graphic novel. If you feel reading 600 pages of amateurish drawings with barely legible captions is a little overkill, keep far away.

[Lara Martini · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was constantly finding myself getting angry at the incredibly controlling male character, and seeing how emotionally manipulative he was. The women weren't much better, and each had something I didn't approve of- like tolerating their boyfriend's behavior.

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

My thanks to both NetGalley and Top Shelf Productions for an advanced copy of this graphic novel memoir.

First love, lost love, love gone wrong, love gone weird, all make great stories or graphic novels. Plus the audience is familiar with the subject matter and what is being written about. If you are lucky to have had love, you will understand the feelings, if you have been unlucky in love, agin you will understand the feelings. If you have never loved at all, well that is why we have writers, artists, poets and lyricists to rub salt on those wounds. Though after reading about the love life of Jeffrey Brown, writer and illustrator for Loved and Lost: A Relationship Trilogy, one might considered themselves lucky to have lived the celibate life.

The book is a collection of three previous books, Clumsy, Unlikely, and Any Easy Intimacy. Each book details a separate relationship, a long distance one, a first one in many ways, and the final one details his loves with a co-worker from a video store. There is a lot of painful truths and uncomfortable moments, words that you immediately wish you could take back, actions, thoughts, awkwardness in different ways. Love, especially young love seems so permanent, that when it is gone, people seem even more lost. That is shown here in some details. There is a lot in here that I am sure that many will relate to.

The art seems is a tad crude in the beginning, as is the hand lettering, but it does have an attraction. By the third book, Mr. Brown seems more comfortable in his art and style, and it shows. The stories are one sided, but it is Mr. Brown's memoir so that makes, sense, I would love to know what is going on in the other person's head, but I say that enough a day as it is. Also the reader does want to grab the people in this comic a few times just to tell them to stop doing what they are doing. That I guess is a sign of you caring about the characters, on the other hand it could be because they are driving the reader crazy. Again amour fou.

There have been a lot of memoirs in graphic novel form recently. This was one of the first, and it shows, as it does seem dated, in a way. Well working in a video store might show that. Being one of the first might not make it as groundbreaking as it was originally, but it is still very good, very interesting, and if read together as a couple, could start a good conversation, or a great argument. I'd like to know where the others in the stories are now, but that is the romantic in me. I wish the young Jeffrey Brown knew how his Star Wars cartoons would change his life, and I hope he is happier than he sometimes appeared in this comic.

[Jacqueline Nyathi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and to IDW Publishing for this eARC.
I’m not a huge reader of graphic novels — probably because the digital form is always so difficult to consume, and I’m a digital first reader. I also didn’t know at all what to expect, going into this one — but what happened was that I stayed up late reading it, and finished it early the next morning.

So, this is 3 love stories, apparently true: the ups and downs of relationships, sex, drugs, break-ups, young love, first love, and so on. The graphic style is really scrappy, especially at first, but I really grew to like its raw honesty. The content is sometimes funny, and often really, really sad: I started to feel really good about my own love stories. (You know how you think your own path is uniquely bad, until you hear about someone else’s).

There’s also a whole lot of sex depicted in here, but it isn’t gratuitous. Just a reminder that this is about young adults, and is aimed at adults, presumably, if you’re monitoring what your kids read, etc. So, cw for explicit content.

So, in all, an unexpectedly good read, really heartfelt. I hope Mr Brown found a good thing in the end.

Rated: 8/10. Read if this is your genre, and if you like things like the NYT’s Modern Love podcast/blog.

[Koen Claeys · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jeffrey Brown will never be famous for his dazzlingly beautiful illustrations, that much is certain. This is immediately noticeable in this collection of his first 3 autobiographical graphic novels, the so-called 'girlfriend trilogy'. For some reason I never bought these books when they originally released, some 20 years ago, even when greats like Chris Ware and Daniel Clowes were praising his work.
While reading these stories, I often had to think back to the relationships I experienced during my student life in Ghent. Some situations were very recognizable. Jeffrey Brown lets us experience very intimate moments, he presents himself as the insecure, sometimes clingy man with all his mistakes, clumsiness, weaknesses... He does not spare himself nor his girlfriends.
Concerning the artwork : you notice the visible improvement the further you get in this collection. Despite the art style, Jeffrey Brown knows how to efficiently convey the atmosphere, dialogues, emotions, ..., probably due to the fact that it all feels so honest and sincere.
It certainly doesn't effect me as much as the very best in autobiographical graphic novels (Adrian Tomine, Joe Matt, Chester Brown,...) but it's better than you might expect at first glance.

[Matt Graupman · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a difference therapy makes! I initially read the three books collected in this volume - "Clumsy," "Unlikely," and "Any Easy Intimacy" - many years ago and I honestly don't remember Jeffrey Brown being so needy and co-dependent and emotionally immature. Having addressed some of my own mental health issues, it's both infuriating and awe-inspiring how honest, vulnerable, and raw Brown is with these comics. I know a lot of his behavior in these books rub people the wrong way (and they're pretty vocal about it in this app) but I see "Loved And Lost: A Relationship Trilogy" as a form of artistic therapy. Brown frequently mentions how prodigiously he fills up sketchbooks so I have no problem believing that these comics are his way of processing and learning from his self-destructive past. I also realize that Brown's rough, scribbly style turns off a lot of readers but I find his lines to be bold, immediate, and confidently imperfect. Jeffrey Brown may be better know nowadays for his YA comics but this is the kind of stuff I'm always associate with him.

[Gillian Puma · Rating 2 out of 5]

I give this a 2.5. I have to say I was honestly disappointed in this book. I picked this book up at The Strand with no knowledge of Jeffrey Brown’s artwork or other works. I was just feeling like a 24-year-old hopeless romantic and felt this book would help that (I was wrong). If anyone picks this book up, I recommend reading “Unlikely” first, “Any Easy Intimacy” second, and “Clumsy” third. Clumsy I found to be the hardest one to read because it’s told non-linearly about a long distance relationship, and it’s only revealed in an illustration in the end how much they had traveled. That’s the other thing, there’s a lot of lack in detail so I don’t even know how long these relationships lasted or how old he was because all of that gets lost in the non-linear story telling. Jeffrey has never been known for his artwork from what I’ve heard from others, but I just can’t take a lot of it seriously especially when the sex scenes are very VERY poorly drawn in this story in particular. I feel it’s 85% sex and the other percent is just random relationship stuff with no development between the two and then they break up on the phone. Just very anti-climatic.

I felt very nostalgic about Unlikely, as it tells the classic story of a man losing his virginity and the unexpected love that comes with it. I definitely think audiences will find this relatable, but not in a positive way. Don’t get me wrong I know the classic curse of the “manic pixie dream” girlfriend, but I don’t think Jeffrey portrays himself in the best light with this story and the ending is very abrupt in a way. However I wasn’t the perfect girlfriend in my late teens/early 20’s either and was probably just as cringey as both of the main characters in this story so I can let it pass.

Any Easy Intimacy is very short and honestly I feel it was just added to have at least one dating story with a happy ending, and even then it CONTINUES to make Jeff look obsessive and insecure, more so than the other two. I think this would be a better book for others, romance has never been my thing to begin with. But some might find comfort in a cringingly relatable romance graphic novel.

[Erik · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brown's stories are simple but effective, same with the art. Many of the situations here are relatable and the characters and situations feel real despite often being incredibly brief. Unlikely is the best of the three since it gives each chapter the most breathing space, allowing us to get to know the characters a bit more. Any Easy Intimacy has the least panel space per chapter and, while Clumsy has a bit more, it's also told in a broken up timeline. In both cases the story's impact is lessened, though I still found them engaging and enjoyable.

[Eric · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read about this in some indie email newsletter I get and thought it would a nice, light diversion between novels, but I wish I had left this one alone. I agree with a lot of the reviews I read on this one. Brown has a lot of guts to put this out; I'll give him that, but the subject matter is super awkward and the drawings are very, very subpar. I guess I'm not sure why he'd put out a book like this? It's a relationship book that makes him seem very manipulative and that's probably the nicest thing I can say about it.

[kt m · Rating 1 out of 5]

1.5
Not sure why I read all 600 pages. I liked the beginning as I liked reading about the whole young love storyline and then the relationships evolved into guilt tripping one another, repetition, and problematic sex. I resonated with a few parts and therefore sympathized but most of it was just a lotttt, especially when the main characters would always try to have sex when the other love interest wasn’t in the mood. I did however like the tiny illustrations in between sections like the soundtrack and the random items.

[John Watts · Rating 2 out of 5]

Took for ever to finish this book. Centred on three relationships in the author’s life. I don’t mind stories that don’t really go anywhere, that are just a re-telling of a time in someone’s life. But I found to writing to be rather dull, repetitive. Jeff is needy, too quick to get overly attached, subtly controlling. It was meh

[Kate Wold · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very angsty

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a compilation of three of Brown's books.

[Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

This took me a little bit to get into as I had to figure out his writing style a bit. After that, I think I enjoyed this look back into the dating life through his experience.

[Quinn B · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was such an easy read and I can’t say it was for good reasons.

[Nick Van · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written, well drawn, with an instinctive touch for finding the poignant moments to present.

[Terrence · Rating 2 out of 5]

What's the point? I hope that these stories were more fictional than Brown has shared. I doubt that I will read anything else that he has published.

[Julie Grace Immink · Rating 3 out of 5]

"My favorite part of your body, is your heart"

[Jessica Keeler · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't hate the art; I think the simplicity was a style choice. I did, however, strongly dislike Jeff's neediness and manipulation. Trying to give grace since I'm sure he was young but what a controlling douche dressed up as sensitivity.