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Behind Closed Doors: Why We Break Up Families – and How to Mend Them
'Brilliant . . . I love this book' LEMN SISSAY
'A must-read book' JACQUELINE WILSON
'Extraordinary' OLIVER BULLOUGH
'Everyone should read this book' HILARY COTTAM
'Important' IAN BIRRELL
'Vital' HANNAH JANE PARKINSON
Meet the mother whose children were taken away, and the father who fought for his son. Listen to the radical social worker, the judge, the lawyer. See inside the homes of foster carers, adoptive parents and children in care. Because behind closed doors, a scandal is ongoing.
We now remove more children from their parents than ever before. Children's Care is a system where fathers are ignored, and mothers are punished for experiencing abuse. Rife with prejudices about race, ableism and class, determined by a postcode lottery. Blind to poverty and its effects on family life. And, at its very worst, an exercise in social engineering that can never replace parental love.
From North to South, rich and poor, Black and white, these are the people who know, first-hand, what is going wrong - and how we can fix it.
'A must-read book' JACQUELINE WILSON
'Extraordinary' OLIVER BULLOUGH
'Everyone should read this book' HILARY COTTAM
'Important' IAN BIRRELL
'Vital' HANNAH JANE PARKINSON
Meet the mother whose children were taken away, and the father who fought for his son. Listen to the radical social worker, the judge, the lawyer. See inside the homes of foster carers, adoptive parents and children in care. Because behind closed doors, a scandal is ongoing.
We now remove more children from their parents than ever before. Children's Care is a system where fathers are ignored, and mothers are punished for experiencing abuse. Rife with prejudices about race, ableism and class, determined by a postcode lottery. Blind to poverty and its effects on family life. And, at its very worst, an exercise in social engineering that can never replace parental love.
From North to South, rich and poor, Black and white, these are the people who know, first-hand, what is going wrong - and how we can fix it.
286 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 3, 2022
15 people are currently reading
324 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
May 3, 2022
The UK puts an increasing number of children into “care”, meaning that social workers take the kids from their parents, or more usually, from their single mother, and give them to a foster family, or put them in a state care home. This book analyses why the number of kids has skyrocketed in recent years.
The main reasons these parents fail is because they are suffering from one or more of the “toxic three” afflictions : alcohol/drug addiction, mental health problems, and domestic violence. The almost total absence of middleclass kids in care tells the author that the “toxic three” are intimately connected to poverty, but it’s hard to see what causes which.
Mothers catch it every which way, of course – for example, having been beaten by their partner, the mother will be judged by social workers to have psychologically abused her children in turn if she failed to prevent them seeing or hearing her being beaten.
This is a painfully genuine attempt to diagnose and prescribe for a whole area of social misery. Unfortunately, for me, there was a whole lot too much vague language. People say stuff like
Things could be done so much better if people had the time and space to invest in people
Or suggesting that it would be better if we started “putting parents’ voices at the head of the policy-making process”.
In the end, a very brave attempt to look honestly at a difficult subject, but for me the picture of life at the bottom needed to be much more detailed and the suggested ways out of this morass much more radical.
The main reasons these parents fail is because they are suffering from one or more of the “toxic three” afflictions : alcohol/drug addiction, mental health problems, and domestic violence. The almost total absence of middleclass kids in care tells the author that the “toxic three” are intimately connected to poverty, but it’s hard to see what causes which.
Mothers catch it every which way, of course – for example, having been beaten by their partner, the mother will be judged by social workers to have psychologically abused her children in turn if she failed to prevent them seeing or hearing her being beaten.
This is a painfully genuine attempt to diagnose and prescribe for a whole area of social misery. Unfortunately, for me, there was a whole lot too much vague language. People say stuff like
Things could be done so much better if people had the time and space to invest in people
Or suggesting that it would be better if we started “putting parents’ voices at the head of the policy-making process”.
In the end, a very brave attempt to look honestly at a difficult subject, but for me the picture of life at the bottom needed to be much more detailed and the suggested ways out of this morass much more radical.
April 27, 2023
(audiobook) probably a bit biased as this book essentially sets out my job, and some of the people interviewed are people i literally work with BUT it’s so good and it so smartly - and devastatingly - sets out the challenges of a failing social care system
next time someone asks what my job is i’m just gonna tell them to read this
next time someone asks what my job is i’m just gonna tell them to read this
July 5, 2023
a brilliant, narrative driven account of social services and child protection in the UK. you become acquainted with the vast system by hearing from all sorts of people affected by and working in it. at times incredibly upsetting and dumbfounding, but balanced well by stories of hope and suggestions for a way forward. the nuances are handled well, and Curtis isn’t afraid of explicating the intersections that make everything more complicated. it is a complicated system because people are complicated, and basically nothing about supporting families is straightforward. nonetheless, the path forward of “relational activism” and “radical tenderness” feel intuitive and good. has stirred a lot of thinking for me around what can i actually do to support families and children in need. would recommend to everyone because this is an issue which reflects our deepest values and indicts our society on a number of levels.
March 6, 2022
It is a secret to no one that the care system in the U.K. leaves a lot to be desired but I must admit to being shamefully ignorant of the full extent of the mess the system was in prior to reading this book. Behind Closed Doors begins with the startling fact that in the U.K. we are currently removing more children from their families than ever before and that our rates of family separation are much higher than other similar nations. Why is it that this is happening? As you might expect, there is no easy answer but Curtis interviews a range of individuals who have contact with the care system, from parents who have had their children removed, parents who have narrowly escaped having their children removed, social workers and family court judges and lawyers. All of these individual stories paint a picture of a system struggling to do its best in the face of insurmountable societal issues, lack of funding and lack of support available for families to enable them to do their best for their children. This is a must read for anyone looking to develop their understanding of the problems that currently plague British society, as basically all of them have a role to play in why more and more families are finding themselves unable to stay together.
August 31, 2023
Very well written piece of investigative journalism. Nothing but the truth is spoken. I also wrote a book about the system, although I was less polite and neutral about it. Professionals wouldn’t talk to me, I’m the type of person they target, so we need more people like polly out here showing society what’s really going on. The problem is, only those of us who seek this info will find it. It’s a shame coz a lot gets exposed in this astoundingly accurate and heartbreaking book.
February 26, 2024
A brilliant book on the current state of the social work sector, and wider society, in the UK. With a wide array of voices, Curtis ensures that those affected can share their stories in the book. The book encourages a lot of reflection on the state of the social work sector and it’s future.
July 23, 2022
This book brilliantly weaves personal stories together with national politics and trends to paint a realistic and damning view of social work.
December 5, 2022
Brilliant and thought provoking book. And system that ignores fathers’ role in their children’s lives, and punish mothers for the poverty and abuse they experience
April 1, 2023
A thought-provoking examination of the social care and child protection system in this country.
November 28, 2024
The best nonfiction book I've ever read. So engaging, complex, empathetic and fascinating. A great blend of anecdotes, data and theory. This coming from someone who almost never reads nonfiction.
August 29, 2025
No 'care' in social care!
September 10, 2025
Good non fiction!
May 5, 2023
I'm always keen to read books about the areas that I work in, and I find that children's social care is an area that we just don't talk enough about as a country, so a book written by a national journalist about the system was a must-read for me.
Curtis dips into the system in a way that I think is accessible to those who haven't worked within this space before - covering everything from social work decision making to the legal system that wraps around it. She speaks to both families impacted by these decisions, social workers who make them, solicitors & judges within the family courts and those working for other partners - to understand how our system (doesn't) work and the impact it has on people.
One of the things that really stood out for me as a blind spot that Curtis highlights is the way the system places significant burdens on women and that fathers of children are entirely absent - and are seen as threats, even when they may be able to provide a child stability. I was also interested by the highlighting of the differences in experiences between those who are middle class and those who are working class - with one example of a woman being able to mobilise what seemed to be her entire community to prove that she was a competent mother, in a way that may be inaccessible for other parents.
As others have said there's not a lot of solutions in here - whilst Camden is highlighted as an area of good practice a number of times, there didn't seem to be a lot of other examples of good practice highlighted (which does exist outside of the capital too!). However, as an overview of our current system, I'd really recommend this.
Curtis dips into the system in a way that I think is accessible to those who haven't worked within this space before - covering everything from social work decision making to the legal system that wraps around it. She speaks to both families impacted by these decisions, social workers who make them, solicitors & judges within the family courts and those working for other partners - to understand how our system (doesn't) work and the impact it has on people.
One of the things that really stood out for me as a blind spot that Curtis highlights is the way the system places significant burdens on women and that fathers of children are entirely absent - and are seen as threats, even when they may be able to provide a child stability. I was also interested by the highlighting of the differences in experiences between those who are middle class and those who are working class - with one example of a woman being able to mobilise what seemed to be her entire community to prove that she was a competent mother, in a way that may be inaccessible for other parents.
As others have said there's not a lot of solutions in here - whilst Camden is highlighted as an area of good practice a number of times, there didn't seem to be a lot of other examples of good practice highlighted (which does exist outside of the capital too!). However, as an overview of our current system, I'd really recommend this.
July 24, 2022
*4.25*
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews