I have never been so crushed about disliking a book.
I was SO excited to read this. It sounded incredibly promising. A queer romance against the backdrop of a NASA mission? Space + gays= exactly what I want. But oh how easily hopes can be squashed.
There were plenty of reasons I disliked this. Most of them have to do with our main character Cal. But I will get into HIS character later. For now, let’s talk about everything else that I wasn’t a fan of.
Firstly, the social media aspect of this book. I think I’ve realized this is something I just generally dislike in most cases (Radio Silence excluded). I hated it in Infinity Son. I hated it in What If It’s Us. I hate it here. It just felt really out of touch if I’m being honest. I’m willing to suspend disbelief when I’m reading a story, but I have limits. Those limits were met with this.
This kid, Cal, does a livestream and gets 300,000 live viewers. THREE. HUNDRED. THOUSAND. And I’m betting at the moment in the story, he hasn’t even hit 1 million followers. Even if he HAD a million, this is simply not going to happen.
The next aspect of this book I did not enjoy was a lot of the dialogue. It felt inauthentic and forced. It was clunky. And sometimes it felt like it was trying so hard to be relatable. Using the word “stan” does not instantly make your book relatable, news flash.
Then, in other relatability issues, let’s talk music. So Cal listens to cassettes, which is cool and all. But he mentions that he would NEVER have found artists like Nirvana and Dolly Parton had he not browsed through cassette stores. Pardon me? Now, I have not listened to either artist, or know much about them, but I know OF them. How could you be so detached to not know such big names? And to say that you wouldn’t have found the, without cassettes...lies. Truthfully, this felt like the author was trying to be relatable like “oh, teens nowadays don’t know OLDER music!” False.
(Also, when Leon is talking about his favourite music and says he listens to Calvin Harris...like not to judge if anyone does but...I cannot think of a single time I have ever seen or heard anyone ACTIVELY go out of their way to listen to his music...just saying.)
The romance in this, what I was most looking forward too, was ALSO a huge let down. It was the DEFINITION of instalove. There was next to no build up. One moment they had just met, the next they were making out. Like??? Perhaps some tension?? Some reason for me to CARE about this relationship happening? No? Gotcha. It felt like there were chapters missing, that’s how fast things happened.
Now let’s finally talk about Cal. Cal, the man, the myth, the legend. The internet sensation! Now one of my least favourite protagonists to ever exist!
Warning: there may be minor spoilers for the book beyond this point, but they are without context.
Here’s all the reasons Cal sucks.
He makes everything about himself. When his “best friend” calls him and tells him her family has been evicted and barely has any money at all, you know what he thinks? Instead of feeling bad for his friend, his first thought is that this ruins his plan for when he returns to Brooklyn! No, “oh I’m so sorry that firstly I haven’t been paying any attention to you whatsoever and not answering your calls and secondly that you are going through all that.” Nope.
He hardly seems to care about his mother’s anxiety.
When he and Leon kiss at one part, Leon seems worried after, and Cal storms off. Then he tells Leon that he has to either be all in or else this won’t work, because last time he was with a guy, the other guy wasn’t all in and it hurt him real bad. Not once does he ask about WHY Leon is so hesitant. Honestly, I kind of felt like this was emotionally manipulative as well? He uses his pain to make Leon feel bad about his own feelings and then they end up together.
Then, later, when Leon is talking about how he isn’t sure what he wants to do in the future, Cal kind of goes off. He is all like how can you not know at this point? And then he keeps pressuring Leon to do things, sends him quizzes and college forms and things. Leon is obviously uncomfortable with this, not responding to Cal’s messages with these, but Cal does it anyways. Because it worries HIM that Leon doesn’t have a plan. Firstly, Leon is dealing with depression, something you KNOW and aren’t acknowledging. Secondly, they are SEVENTEEN. It’s not like they have to choose their whole future right then and there!
He is so self-absorbed. Back to the social media stuff...Cal seems so obsessed with the NUMBERS and not his FANS. I don’t like this, honestly. He was just so stuck up about his fame too, in my opinion.
At one part, Cal sees that the cameras for the reality show are rolling and takes Leon’s hand so that they see. He does this without Leon’s consent, lets the whole world know about them being together without making sure Leon is fine with it.
The last part that made me so mad was when there was an accident involving Cal’s father and Leon’s mother. They end up in the hospital, and another astronaut ends up dead. Cal goes to Leon’s house to make sure he’s okay, and they both worry about their parents but then immediately start kissing and talking about how much they like each other. Like, sorry, WHAT. YOUR PARENTS ARE IN THE HOSPITAL AFTER A JET CRASH AND Y’ALL ARE SUCKING FACE?? Unbelievable.
This book was a whole mess and I wish it wasn’t, but alas, here we are. I guess the lesson here is that even if something sounds like everything you could ever want, don’t get your hopes up because it could let you down. Sigh.