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Because I Remember You
Monte has always been able to live up to the never-ending demands of his pastor father and the Church, but on the last day of his senior year, he runs into trouble: Amias, an adorable boy with a glowing smile and cologne that would make angels sing.
Monte’s encounters with Amias begin with harmless glances, but they quickly morph into something more dangerous when Amias selflessly inserts himself into Monte’s life on the last day of high school. Suddenly, Monte can’t focus on his religious commitments, and the problem only gets worse when the Church learns of his dark secrets, ruining his last summer at home.
With the Church behind him and college just beginning, Monte finds himself unraveling as his inexplicably consuming feelings for Amias help him discover a world of love he’s never known.
Monte’s encounters with Amias begin with harmless glances, but they quickly morph into something more dangerous when Amias selflessly inserts himself into Monte’s life on the last day of high school. Suddenly, Monte can’t focus on his religious commitments, and the problem only gets worse when the Church learns of his dark secrets, ruining his last summer at home.
With the Church behind him and college just beginning, Monte finds himself unraveling as his inexplicably consuming feelings for Amias help him discover a world of love he’s never known.
- GenresReligionM M RomanceQueer
291 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 25, 2022
18 people are currently reading
62 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
April 7, 2022
The only way out is through
Figuring out who you are and what you need in life is a time of challenge but facing that through the distorted lens of growing up indoctrinated in fundamentalist religion comes with a whole host of added baggage and trauma. Too many struggle far into adulthood trying to find their footing as they try to decipher the lies of hatred and fear from the truth of love and acceptance.
In this regard, Monte meeting Amias (albeit angst filled) acting as a beacon and his connection with Imani acting as a sounding board and course correction within her complete support/encouragement helped him come to acceptance of himself.
Initially the lead up and introduction portions felt a bit wordy but as the story unfolded the style of writing began to feel much more apropos for the wandering within the lost/uncertain feeling of Monte’s journey out of the religious oppression.
Figuring out who you are and what you need in life is a time of challenge but facing that through the distorted lens of growing up indoctrinated in fundamentalist religion comes with a whole host of added baggage and trauma. Too many struggle far into adulthood trying to find their footing as they try to decipher the lies of hatred and fear from the truth of love and acceptance.
In this regard, Monte meeting Amias (albeit angst filled) acting as a beacon and his connection with Imani acting as a sounding board and course correction within her complete support/encouragement helped him come to acceptance of himself.
Initially the lead up and introduction portions felt a bit wordy but as the story unfolded the style of writing began to feel much more apropos for the wandering within the lost/uncertain feeling of Monte’s journey out of the religious oppression.
April 11, 2022
Wow!
This book. I don't know where to start. What a journey. Montes character resonated so deeply with me, it was frightening. The honesty with which this book was written can be felt on every single page. The writing is immaculate. The story telling is gripping and real. I hope this author writes more books.
This book. I don't know where to start. What a journey. Montes character resonated so deeply with me, it was frightening. The honesty with which this book was written can be felt on every single page. The writing is immaculate. The story telling is gripping and real. I hope this author writes more books.
March 29, 2022
Authentic coming of age romance
Raised in a religious household in Appalachia with a pastor for a father, Monte has spent his teen years trying to avoid his feelings about boys. But when he meets new boy Amias on the last day of high school, Monte can’t deny that he’s attracted to him. Monte’s decision to confide in a friend from church ends in betrayal, ruining Monte’s summer and his relationship with his family. He keeps his head down until he can leave the church behind and go away to college, where he can come to terms with his sexuality and finally live his life the way he wants.
Most of the book follows Monte’s first year at college, where he makes some liberal new friends, experiences freedom for the first time, makes a lot of questionable decisions, and eventually reconnects with Amias. The first half of the book is more like a coming of age story, with the romance element happening in the second half. I know a lot of this book was based on the author’s own experiences growing up, and that really made it feel authentic and real. There are parts of this book that are painful and horrifying–Monte’s experiences are not idealized or glossed over. But the book is not all serious all the time, there is plenty of humor, swoony romance, and moments of queer joy on Monte’s path to self-discovery.
My only criticism would be that some of the writing seemed a bit wordy and rambling at times, and there was a bit too much of step by step descriptions of events, but this could be minimized with the help of a good editor or beta reader. This also just might be a personal preference of mine for a simpler and more straightforward writing style.
I really enjoyed this book and recommend it to anyone looking for something more gritty and realistic than your typical romance novel. It’s a great debut and I’m interested to see what Trey Burwell writes next!
CW: Religious trauma, outing, homophobia, underage drinking and drug use, domestic abuse, cheating, dubcon, sexual harassment/attempted sexual assault
Raised in a religious household in Appalachia with a pastor for a father, Monte has spent his teen years trying to avoid his feelings about boys. But when he meets new boy Amias on the last day of high school, Monte can’t deny that he’s attracted to him. Monte’s decision to confide in a friend from church ends in betrayal, ruining Monte’s summer and his relationship with his family. He keeps his head down until he can leave the church behind and go away to college, where he can come to terms with his sexuality and finally live his life the way he wants.
Most of the book follows Monte’s first year at college, where he makes some liberal new friends, experiences freedom for the first time, makes a lot of questionable decisions, and eventually reconnects with Amias. The first half of the book is more like a coming of age story, with the romance element happening in the second half. I know a lot of this book was based on the author’s own experiences growing up, and that really made it feel authentic and real. There are parts of this book that are painful and horrifying–Monte’s experiences are not idealized or glossed over. But the book is not all serious all the time, there is plenty of humor, swoony romance, and moments of queer joy on Monte’s path to self-discovery.
My only criticism would be that some of the writing seemed a bit wordy and rambling at times, and there was a bit too much of step by step descriptions of events, but this could be minimized with the help of a good editor or beta reader. This also just might be a personal preference of mine for a simpler and more straightforward writing style.
I really enjoyed this book and recommend it to anyone looking for something more gritty and realistic than your typical romance novel. It’s a great debut and I’m interested to see what Trey Burwell writes next!
CW: Religious trauma, outing, homophobia, underage drinking and drug use, domestic abuse, cheating, dubcon, sexual harassment/attempted sexual assault
January 30, 2022
This is a fantastic read! It really sheds some light on the atrocities committed by certain religious organizations against members of the LGBTQ+ community. The storyline is deep and backed with emotional steel. The characters are so intricate, you would swear you know them from somewhere else. I will be reading this again!
January 12, 2025
MONTE HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO LIVE UP TO THE NEVER-ENDING DEMANDS OF HIS PASTOR FATHER AND THE CHURCH his family belongs too. He’s always tried to push down his feelings, desires, and aspirations, simply existing to meet his family and the church’s expectations of what he needs to be in this life.
However, everything changes ON THE LAST DAY OF SENIOR YEAR, when being harassed by a bully for being considered “gay”, someone saves him, a new boy called Amias comes to his rescue and Monte can’t stop thinking about his smile, his kindness that no one before showed him, and his beautiful cologne scent that could make angels sing.
Between stolen glances and a seemingly innocent friendship to start, Monte figures it’s fine to invite Amias into his world but when he’s feelings for Amias clearly go beyond just wanting to be friends; when fantasies of them together keep repeating on Monte’s mind and he can’t suppress his feelings and live “selflessly” only dedicated to the church that frowns on these desires, Monte finds himself lost and at a crossroads in his life.
When he’s feelings are exposed at church and to his family, his last summer is spent being shamed and prayed over to “cure” him of his “demons,” Monte sinks into the lowest place he’s ever been and even runs away from a chance to be with Amias one night when he needed comfort and he was the only one he could turn too.
With college ahead of him and Monte able to be in a new city and finally independent from his family and the judgmental and watchful community he grew up in, Monte begins his own journey of self discovery; meeting new friends who don’t judge him, learning new things that don’t comply with all he learned before in his past life, and most freeing of all, learning to let go of the guilt and shame that are away at him for years and slowly becoming the man he truly wants to be.
As Monte grows, though, one thing on his past always remains on his mind, the boy who made his world turn upside down in the best possible way and awoken him. And when Amias comes back in his life, can the two boys reconnect and grow from their traumas and forge a new future together and find the love they both have been searching for all this time?
A beautiful coming out and coming age story that covers a wide range of topics that many LGBTQ people face; religious trauma, families not accepting anything out of the “norm”, feeling isolated and lonely growing up seeing other peers have relationships where your ideal relationships are marked as “unnatural” and ultimately facing all that and growing past the hate and embracing living your true authentic self and allowing a love that was denied into your heart. ❤️ 🌈
However, everything changes ON THE LAST DAY OF SENIOR YEAR, when being harassed by a bully for being considered “gay”, someone saves him, a new boy called Amias comes to his rescue and Monte can’t stop thinking about his smile, his kindness that no one before showed him, and his beautiful cologne scent that could make angels sing.
Between stolen glances and a seemingly innocent friendship to start, Monte figures it’s fine to invite Amias into his world but when he’s feelings for Amias clearly go beyond just wanting to be friends; when fantasies of them together keep repeating on Monte’s mind and he can’t suppress his feelings and live “selflessly” only dedicated to the church that frowns on these desires, Monte finds himself lost and at a crossroads in his life.
When he’s feelings are exposed at church and to his family, his last summer is spent being shamed and prayed over to “cure” him of his “demons,” Monte sinks into the lowest place he’s ever been and even runs away from a chance to be with Amias one night when he needed comfort and he was the only one he could turn too.
With college ahead of him and Monte able to be in a new city and finally independent from his family and the judgmental and watchful community he grew up in, Monte begins his own journey of self discovery; meeting new friends who don’t judge him, learning new things that don’t comply with all he learned before in his past life, and most freeing of all, learning to let go of the guilt and shame that are away at him for years and slowly becoming the man he truly wants to be.
As Monte grows, though, one thing on his past always remains on his mind, the boy who made his world turn upside down in the best possible way and awoken him. And when Amias comes back in his life, can the two boys reconnect and grow from their traumas and forge a new future together and find the love they both have been searching for all this time?
A beautiful coming out and coming age story that covers a wide range of topics that many LGBTQ people face; religious trauma, families not accepting anything out of the “norm”, feeling isolated and lonely growing up seeing other peers have relationships where your ideal relationships are marked as “unnatural” and ultimately facing all that and growing past the hate and embracing living your true authentic self and allowing a love that was denied into your heart. ❤️ 🌈
May 24, 2022
This is a single POV of a gay young man and coming of age in WV, with a family that is very religious. The beginning is breaking my heart. I hate that there’s so much truth to what is written. It’s so well written - it’s like you’re transported into this book. The description is amazing. As the book progresses Monte just keeps going through more bullsh!t. I was getting annoyed. These people suck - his friends, his family. They are so miserable. When he finally frees himself and gets to college, I love the new acceptance he finds. He needs to get away from his so called friends form home. I love that he is experiencing life in college, and that he is trying to figure out who he is. So I get why he is in a hurry to experience all things. I just hated his first time. I know he wanted it - agreed to it, but man it could have been so much better and should have been. And spoiler - he was robbed of the minor joy he has when he discovers Chris is married. I cried through some, and most of this book I just wanted to wrap Monte up and protect him from all the horribleness. This was a roller coaster of emotion. From the closed mindedness of Monte’s friends and family just broke my heart (I will say they do come around). His road to HEA was not easy. This book is emotional and sheds light on the suffering many go through.
“Psalms 139:13 to 16—When you read it, think of me, and think of you. If you remember one thing I’ve ever told you, please let it be this: I love you the way you are—exactly the way you were born.” – Monte’s mom wants to accept him but even she is confined by the followings of the church.
“When Matt asked me to marry him, I said no because I remembered you, because I remembered what we did at the hotel. I remembered the way being with you in that bed made me feel. I remembered the way seeing the smile on your face made me feel. I remembered the way I felt the night you walked away from me in City Park. I won’t bullshit you—there were plenty of reasons Matt and I weren’t going to work out, but you were the reason on my mind when I turned him down.” – and then he gets his guy, Amias, who loves him just the way Monte is. He doesn’t want to change him or hurt him. He just wants to love him.
“Psalms 139:13 to 16—When you read it, think of me, and think of you. If you remember one thing I’ve ever told you, please let it be this: I love you the way you are—exactly the way you were born.” – Monte’s mom wants to accept him but even she is confined by the followings of the church.
“When Matt asked me to marry him, I said no because I remembered you, because I remembered what we did at the hotel. I remembered the way being with you in that bed made me feel. I remembered the way seeing the smile on your face made me feel. I remembered the way I felt the night you walked away from me in City Park. I won’t bullshit you—there were plenty of reasons Matt and I weren’t going to work out, but you were the reason on my mind when I turned him down.” – and then he gets his guy, Amias, who loves him just the way Monte is. He doesn’t want to change him or hurt him. He just wants to love him.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 15, 2025
Monte's journey of self discovery was a bumpy one, from his humble religious upbringing till he takes the step to show the world who he is.
We go through most of the book not knowing who Amias is other than Monte's obsession with him, for being the first to show him interest and being the sign that there is more than his current life.
Even at the end of the book I don't think we truly know Amias as their interactions is mainly done through re-telling from Monte.
This book is for someone who loves slow paced journey to a happy ending, there is little drama, there are bad hook ups and finding which friends will stand with you at the end.
But it is also missing the collection of some loose threads when it comes to Monte's old life, we see little of his day to day college life other than parties and smoking with the new friends.
He glued himself to the first group that showed him any kindness, and adopted their way of life.
It was a good read but it also lacked the deep dive in to struggling with religion and sexuality along with struggling to find the way after being indoctrinated for so long.
I'm not sure if it was me or not but I felt the way the characters were talking and reacting had little to do with eighteen year olds that just moved away from home.
I don't want to put it down too much, it just took longer than normal for me to get through the last twenty percent.
We go through most of the book not knowing who Amias is other than Monte's obsession with him, for being the first to show him interest and being the sign that there is more than his current life.
Even at the end of the book I don't think we truly know Amias as their interactions is mainly done through re-telling from Monte.
This book is for someone who loves slow paced journey to a happy ending, there is little drama, there are bad hook ups and finding which friends will stand with you at the end.
But it is also missing the collection of some loose threads when it comes to Monte's old life, we see little of his day to day college life other than parties and smoking with the new friends.
He glued himself to the first group that showed him any kindness, and adopted their way of life.
It was a good read but it also lacked the deep dive in to struggling with religion and sexuality along with struggling to find the way after being indoctrinated for so long.
I'm not sure if it was me or not but I felt the way the characters were talking and reacting had little to do with eighteen year olds that just moved away from home.
I don't want to put it down too much, it just took longer than normal for me to get through the last twenty percent.
April 21, 2022
This coming of age book was amazing to read. Following Monte as he learns to step away from a family he loves but doesn't understand him or let him be who he needs to be to move to college and learn who that person is, is a great adventure.
The book was well written, if not in need of a bit of trimming. The raw emotion and interactions were a lovely insight into the main character. I spent so much of the book rooting for him to speak up for who and what he was, and learn to become the man he wanted to be. I wanted to cheer as the book progressed, in its own version of HEA.
The book was well written, if not in need of a bit of trimming. The raw emotion and interactions were a lovely insight into the main character. I spent so much of the book rooting for him to speak up for who and what he was, and learn to become the man he wanted to be. I wanted to cheer as the book progressed, in its own version of HEA.
May 15, 2022
What a ride.
This was a roller coaster of emotion. The closed mindedness of Monte’s friends and family just broke my heart. I wanted to hold him and tell him that everything would be ok. His road to HEA was not easy. This book is emotion and sheds light on the suffering many go through. This is a coming of age, heartfelt, emotional story.
This was a roller coaster of emotion. The closed mindedness of Monte’s friends and family just broke my heart. I wanted to hold him and tell him that everything would be ok. His road to HEA was not easy. This book is emotion and sheds light on the suffering many go through. This is a coming of age, heartfelt, emotional story.
May 11, 2022
This book was good but heavy. Growing up in a very conservative, Christian area with church and Christian school I found parts of this story very relatable. So much of this story was disheartening and depressing but I was pleased with how it ended. Overall, a good read.
May 6, 2023
Amazing
This true story is so well written that it's hard to put down. You just want to keep reading and reading. The descriptions and people are written as poetic prose. This is an stunningly amazing novel. You feel everything as though you are there with them.
This true story is so well written that it's hard to put down. You just want to keep reading and reading. The descriptions and people are written as poetic prose. This is an stunningly amazing novel. You feel everything as though you are there with them.
April 22, 2022
Serious TW for: sexual assault and intimate partner violence.
June 27, 2022
An amazing and deep story of self discovery!
December 8, 2022
I absolutely loved this book! Engaging story and characters and just a delight to read. Was rooting for Monte the whole way through.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews