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White Women: Everything You Already Know About Your Own Racism and How to Do Better
A no-holds-barred guidebook aimed at white women who want to stop being nice and start dismantling white supremacy.
It's no secret that white women are conditioned to be nice, but did you know that the desire to be perfect and to avoid conflict at all costs are characteristics of white supremacy culture?
As the founders of Race2Dinner, an organization which facilitates conversations between white women about racism and white supremacy, Regina Jackson and Saira Rao have noticed white women's tendency to maintain a veneer of niceness, and strive for perfection, even at the expense of anti-racism work.
In this book, Jackson and Rao pose these urgent questions: how has being nice helped Black women, Indigenous women and other women of color? How has being nice helped you in your quest to end sexism? Has being nice earned you economic parity with white men? Beginning with freeing white women from this oppressive need to be nice, they deconstruct and analyze nine aspects of traditional white woman behavior--from tone-policing to weaponizing tears--that uphold white supremacy society, and hurt all of us who are trying to live a freer, more equitable life.
White Women is a call to action to those of you who are looking to take the next steps in dismantling white supremacy. Your white supremacy. If you are in fact doing real anti-racism work, you will find few reasons to be nice, as other white people want to limit your membership in the club. If you are not ticking white people off on a regular basis, you are not doing it right.
It's no secret that white women are conditioned to be nice, but did you know that the desire to be perfect and to avoid conflict at all costs are characteristics of white supremacy culture?
As the founders of Race2Dinner, an organization which facilitates conversations between white women about racism and white supremacy, Regina Jackson and Saira Rao have noticed white women's tendency to maintain a veneer of niceness, and strive for perfection, even at the expense of anti-racism work.
In this book, Jackson and Rao pose these urgent questions: how has being nice helped Black women, Indigenous women and other women of color? How has being nice helped you in your quest to end sexism? Has being nice earned you economic parity with white men? Beginning with freeing white women from this oppressive need to be nice, they deconstruct and analyze nine aspects of traditional white woman behavior--from tone-policing to weaponizing tears--that uphold white supremacy society, and hurt all of us who are trying to live a freer, more equitable life.
White Women is a call to action to those of you who are looking to take the next steps in dismantling white supremacy. Your white supremacy. If you are in fact doing real anti-racism work, you will find few reasons to be nice, as other white people want to limit your membership in the club. If you are not ticking white people off on a regular basis, you are not doing it right.
224 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 2022
623 people are currently reading
12039 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 742 reviews
November 4, 2022
this is an essential read for every white woman. if you’re rating this book anything less than 5 stars because you’re uncomfortable, you missed the entire point of the book.
February 1, 2023
This is bad. Like really really bad. Like the authors have clear anger, and I don’t fault them for that at all. But they should have written a letter and burned or whatever first. I feel the same way about this book as I feel about David Goggins. You cannot bully, chastise, and use your own inner hatred to better others. It simply doesn’t work. But that wasn’t the point of this book. The point is clear- to have an outlet for their anger, and this just happens to be a time when that will get published because it goes along with the political climate in a lucrative way.
But this book offers no real insight. Using anecdotes to promote racism, like the dumbest littlest things are worth losing your shit and hating large swaths of people over. There was a naughty kid on a plane who was white, therefore white women are terrible, entitled mothers. This book is enormously sexist as well, but again, self hatred is the what this book is about.
I’m honestly shocked. I thought it was a joke at some points because it is so terribly written, so delusional, so victimized, so sexist, and so racist. The authors act like all seeing correct thinkers and all white women are terrible people. Like legit they say a “Karen” is every single white woman. Like.. I mean, idk if that was the only thing I probably wouldn’t even point it out, but that’s what this book is. A nit picky, hate fueled letter to every instance that the authors have interacted with white women.
Those saying that every white women needs to read this and “If you’re uncomfortable then you’re part of the problem,” are delusional. This is just classic racism and sexism that fits with todays political climate.
I wish nothing but the best for the authors, I hope this was at least cathartic for them so they can heal.
But this book offers no real insight. Using anecdotes to promote racism, like the dumbest littlest things are worth losing your shit and hating large swaths of people over. There was a naughty kid on a plane who was white, therefore white women are terrible, entitled mothers. This book is enormously sexist as well, but again, self hatred is the what this book is about.
I’m honestly shocked. I thought it was a joke at some points because it is so terribly written, so delusional, so victimized, so sexist, and so racist. The authors act like all seeing correct thinkers and all white women are terrible people. Like legit they say a “Karen” is every single white woman. Like.. I mean, idk if that was the only thing I probably wouldn’t even point it out, but that’s what this book is. A nit picky, hate fueled letter to every instance that the authors have interacted with white women.
Those saying that every white women needs to read this and “If you’re uncomfortable then you’re part of the problem,” are delusional. This is just classic racism and sexism that fits with todays political climate.
I wish nothing but the best for the authors, I hope this was at least cathartic for them so they can heal.
May 27, 2022
I finished it a month ago and I still haven't found a way to discuss it without launching into an arms-failing, full-body diatribe about it all!~
You may say, "I already have a strong social justice collection- how is this different?"
They step in where Dr. Kendi and Isabella Wilkerson left off- offering a vital call to action for white women, who want to be the change to take action; we're still blind to all we do.
They call out inequality in a viscerally effective, contemporary way- fully illustrating all that needs to change for a better humanity.
As the founders of Race2Dinner, an organization that facilitates conversations between white women about racism and white supremacy, Regina Jackson and Saira Rao have noticed white women's tendency to maintain a veneer of niceness, and strive for perfection, even at the expense of anti-racist work.
You may say, "I already have a strong social justice collection- how is this different?"
They step in where Dr. Kendi and Isabella Wilkerson left off- offering a vital call to action for white women, who want to be the change to take action; we're still blind to all we do.
They call out inequality in a viscerally effective, contemporary way- fully illustrating all that needs to change for a better humanity.
As the founders of Race2Dinner, an organization that facilitates conversations between white women about racism and white supremacy, Regina Jackson and Saira Rao have noticed white women's tendency to maintain a veneer of niceness, and strive for perfection, even at the expense of anti-racist work.
December 7, 2022
In my view, their work does nothing to advance anti-racism work, is a one sided argument and uses bullying tactics. I watched the documentary “Deconstructing Karen”, followed the authors on social media, promoted and bought multiple copies of the book and started to read it but will not finish.
First, it’s premise seems to be that we can judge women by their skin colour (lumping everyone who appears white into the same group) which is a false assumption. Many women who appear white are of mixed race.
Second, it seems to assert that all women who appear white by virtue of their skin colour uphold racism and white supremacy. Jewish women are perceived as white so I take exception to that. Many white women have spent their lives trying to dismantle racism, white supremacy and patriarchy.
Third, I don’t think the authors are interested in open dialogue, having difficult conversations or taking any feedback under consideration. How can any cause be advanced when female voices are scolded and silenced?
First, it’s premise seems to be that we can judge women by their skin colour (lumping everyone who appears white into the same group) which is a false assumption. Many women who appear white are of mixed race.
Second, it seems to assert that all women who appear white by virtue of their skin colour uphold racism and white supremacy. Jewish women are perceived as white so I take exception to that. Many white women have spent their lives trying to dismantle racism, white supremacy and patriarchy.
Third, I don’t think the authors are interested in open dialogue, having difficult conversations or taking any feedback under consideration. How can any cause be advanced when female voices are scolded and silenced?
October 14, 2022
So based on the title alone we surmise that the author has the superhuman, omniscient ability to know the thoughts of every white woman.
That's amazing.
If I had that kind of power, I would do something a lot more lucrative than write a book lecturing them about it.
That's amazing.
If I had that kind of power, I would do something a lot more lucrative than write a book lecturing them about it.
February 26, 2023
This book is simply awful, and I was going to give it one star, but its (probably unintended) comic value from the outlandish caricatures of Rich Liberal White Women reminded me of the satire found in Crazy Rich Asians, and that was an enjoyable book.
BLUF: Rich Liberal White Women, you will never be good enough. You will never give enough or make powerful enough concessions to women of color. You will constantly make mistakes and live in the shadow of your moral betters (BIWOC). For a donation of several thousand dollars, the authors will come to your house for two hours and upbraid you for promoting white supremacy and engaging in performative activism. As far as actionable steps for dismantling white supremacy and promoting racial equity, well, you'll need to find a different book, because there is nothing here.
This book seems to be like White Fragility, where the authors attempt to trip the guilt reflex of Rich Liberal White Women, because they are lower-hanging fruit than white men, white conservatives, or poor whites. From the preface, I had to wonder if the authors actually know any white women, because they dramatically oversimplify the supposed thought processes of white women. A vivid example was asserting that the only reason white women voted for Trump was because of racial supremacy, as opposed to any policy pronouncements or because they were totally fucking sick of the Clintons (who, by the way, are also white). Like, did you speak to *any* female Trump supporters and ask their reasons for supporting him? Or are you overgeneralizing white women as a monolith, in the same manner you accuse them of doing to nonwhite racial groups?
Something else I found really interesting is that Black and Indigenous are capitalized, but brown is not. Neither is white, but that shouldn't be surprising by now.
I don't think I'm the target audience of this book. I am a [medium beige with a cool undertone] woman, recognize and acknowledge my own racial and cultural biases, and don't believe they can be "fixed" by paying indulgences to guilt mongers. I don't think it's rational for any privileged member of a society to cede their privilege to a general Other, and that's reflected in power structures everywhere, not just within the US, and not just among white society.
So these two authors charge Rich Liberal White Women thousands of dollars to host dinner parties and tell them how racist they are with specific examples ("would you rather be one of us?" "would you rather be the Indian woman or the Black woman?"), then when the women get upset/offended/start yelling in indignation, they peace out. Maybe this creates better allies, but honestly, I'd think that the more likely outcome would be to turn the women from supporting the cause of dismantling white supremacy. (In fairness, it's entirely possible that the dramatization in the preface never actually happened as described.)
Much of the book describes vignettes involving race and the authors or their dinner dates experience racial situations, and their responses, some of which would *obviously* have been counterproductive. In one example, the black author was in a supermarket, and a brown woman was trying to walk past a white woman at a checkstand. The black woman ordered the white woman to move her cart, the white woman told her to mind her own business, the black woman responded, "you can take your white privileged ass and go straight to hell," and then was surprised that security got involved. Then she referred to her involvement in the situation as "human kindness."
One of the authors was involved with PAC, but decided to stop working with them because they hadn't actively recruited enough nonwhite members, explaining that she "didn't feel like it was a safe space for a woman of color." Several months later she decided to run for Congress and asked members of the PAC for their support and endorsement in the primary, but they politely declined and backed the incumbent, who won handily. Per the author, it was due to their racism, but she was the one who burned the bridge. Who can blame them for their reluctance to get involved with her again?
Some of the situations have nothing to do with race. One author was angry because her child had a white friend over for a playdate. The child's flaky mom asked if the author could drive him to lacrosse practice. She agreed, drove the kid across town, and then discovered that the practice time was incorrect. She dropped the kid off with a teammate who took him to the practice, kept the mom apprised the whole time, and the mom never said thanks or apologized. Author assumed it was because she's nonwhite. Lady, I can tell you with 100% certainty that this woman never thanks or apologizes to her white friends either (assuming she has any). That incident had nothing to do with race and everything to do with the fact that some people are just shitty. In another instance, a director of a non-profit thought that when potential large donors would ask detailed questions about the non-profit's mission and future plans, the donors was being racist and suspicious, rather than doing basic due diligence. There are a lot of charities, and when a person or organization wants to heavily support one at the expense of others, responsible stewardship means that they'll make sure that the group's mission aligns with their own goals and values.
The authors also complain about the lack of follow-through on behalf of white women in purchasing their expensive shame-dinners. At some point a few years ago, their organization (Race2Dinner) had gotten some press, and ~300 people reached out to them. After learning more, only 3 of those 300 ended up scheduling dinners. Obviously it was due to incorrigible racism and not wanting to hear two hours of Truth Bombs, not because $5000+ dollars for a two-hour event is extravagant, even if the cost is split up among a group. The authors make clear that their organization is an LLC, meaning that their work (whether that's sowing the seeds of further racial division or equity education) is a for-profit enterprise. They complained about one instance where it took the better part of a month to nail down a date and time for a dinner, because some group member or other would always be unavailable, and how that was an example of White Entitlement. Being fluent in White Woman myself (upper middle-class dialect), these ladies clearly had reservations about spending three weeks' worth of grocery money on an event that was designed to make them feel bad.
The authors state that all white people are racist because they are white. They also state that all Asian people are racist against Blacks, including the Asian author of this book. The Black author, well, she never admits to anything, other than that she didn't think it was her job to make sure her son treated his white school teachers with respect. And of course the incident where she cussed out a total (white) stranger for a perceived transgression against a third party. Surely that doesn't make her racist, though. There are other assertions, such as the idea that all white women are responsible for white men maintaining white supremacy because they birth them, raise them, and [mate with] them. Imagine if an author asserted that all black females should be responsible for the actions of black males for the same reasons.
I do feel hopeful in finishing this book. Hopeful that most people, regardless of race, are less bellicose and angry as these two women. Most people are *not* Mad Black Women or Histrionic Sobbing Karens. Most people are capable of looking at the world through something other than a strictly racial lens and can ascribe multiple motives to other people's actions, and can judge them based on merits besides their skin color. I'm sure I would be accused of "tone policing" or gaslighting, but I think many people would be far more diplomatic than these authors in addressing matters of race. This book is important because the authors reveal far more about themselves than somebody writing an exposé on them could, and through their own stories.
BLUF: Rich Liberal White Women, you will never be good enough. You will never give enough or make powerful enough concessions to women of color. You will constantly make mistakes and live in the shadow of your moral betters (BIWOC). For a donation of several thousand dollars, the authors will come to your house for two hours and upbraid you for promoting white supremacy and engaging in performative activism. As far as actionable steps for dismantling white supremacy and promoting racial equity, well, you'll need to find a different book, because there is nothing here.
This book seems to be like White Fragility, where the authors attempt to trip the guilt reflex of Rich Liberal White Women, because they are lower-hanging fruit than white men, white conservatives, or poor whites. From the preface, I had to wonder if the authors actually know any white women, because they dramatically oversimplify the supposed thought processes of white women. A vivid example was asserting that the only reason white women voted for Trump was because of racial supremacy, as opposed to any policy pronouncements or because they were totally fucking sick of the Clintons (who, by the way, are also white). Like, did you speak to *any* female Trump supporters and ask their reasons for supporting him? Or are you overgeneralizing white women as a monolith, in the same manner you accuse them of doing to nonwhite racial groups?
Something else I found really interesting is that Black and Indigenous are capitalized, but brown is not. Neither is white, but that shouldn't be surprising by now.
I don't think I'm the target audience of this book. I am a [medium beige with a cool undertone] woman, recognize and acknowledge my own racial and cultural biases, and don't believe they can be "fixed" by paying indulgences to guilt mongers. I don't think it's rational for any privileged member of a society to cede their privilege to a general Other, and that's reflected in power structures everywhere, not just within the US, and not just among white society.
So these two authors charge Rich Liberal White Women thousands of dollars to host dinner parties and tell them how racist they are with specific examples ("would you rather be one of us?" "would you rather be the Indian woman or the Black woman?"), then when the women get upset/offended/start yelling in indignation, they peace out. Maybe this creates better allies, but honestly, I'd think that the more likely outcome would be to turn the women from supporting the cause of dismantling white supremacy. (In fairness, it's entirely possible that the dramatization in the preface never actually happened as described.)
Much of the book describes vignettes involving race and the authors or their dinner dates experience racial situations, and their responses, some of which would *obviously* have been counterproductive. In one example, the black author was in a supermarket, and a brown woman was trying to walk past a white woman at a checkstand. The black woman ordered the white woman to move her cart, the white woman told her to mind her own business, the black woman responded, "you can take your white privileged ass and go straight to hell," and then was surprised that security got involved. Then she referred to her involvement in the situation as "human kindness."
One of the authors was involved with PAC, but decided to stop working with them because they hadn't actively recruited enough nonwhite members, explaining that she "didn't feel like it was a safe space for a woman of color." Several months later she decided to run for Congress and asked members of the PAC for their support and endorsement in the primary, but they politely declined and backed the incumbent, who won handily. Per the author, it was due to their racism, but she was the one who burned the bridge. Who can blame them for their reluctance to get involved with her again?
Some of the situations have nothing to do with race. One author was angry because her child had a white friend over for a playdate. The child's flaky mom asked if the author could drive him to lacrosse practice. She agreed, drove the kid across town, and then discovered that the practice time was incorrect. She dropped the kid off with a teammate who took him to the practice, kept the mom apprised the whole time, and the mom never said thanks or apologized. Author assumed it was because she's nonwhite. Lady, I can tell you with 100% certainty that this woman never thanks or apologizes to her white friends either (assuming she has any). That incident had nothing to do with race and everything to do with the fact that some people are just shitty. In another instance, a director of a non-profit thought that when potential large donors would ask detailed questions about the non-profit's mission and future plans, the donors was being racist and suspicious, rather than doing basic due diligence. There are a lot of charities, and when a person or organization wants to heavily support one at the expense of others, responsible stewardship means that they'll make sure that the group's mission aligns with their own goals and values.
The authors also complain about the lack of follow-through on behalf of white women in purchasing their expensive shame-dinners. At some point a few years ago, their organization (Race2Dinner) had gotten some press, and ~300 people reached out to them. After learning more, only 3 of those 300 ended up scheduling dinners. Obviously it was due to incorrigible racism and not wanting to hear two hours of Truth Bombs, not because $5000+ dollars for a two-hour event is extravagant, even if the cost is split up among a group. The authors make clear that their organization is an LLC, meaning that their work (whether that's sowing the seeds of further racial division or equity education) is a for-profit enterprise. They complained about one instance where it took the better part of a month to nail down a date and time for a dinner, because some group member or other would always be unavailable, and how that was an example of White Entitlement. Being fluent in White Woman myself (upper middle-class dialect), these ladies clearly had reservations about spending three weeks' worth of grocery money on an event that was designed to make them feel bad.
The authors state that all white people are racist because they are white. They also state that all Asian people are racist against Blacks, including the Asian author of this book. The Black author, well, she never admits to anything, other than that she didn't think it was her job to make sure her son treated his white school teachers with respect. And of course the incident where she cussed out a total (white) stranger for a perceived transgression against a third party. Surely that doesn't make her racist, though. There are other assertions, such as the idea that all white women are responsible for white men maintaining white supremacy because they birth them, raise them, and [mate with] them. Imagine if an author asserted that all black females should be responsible for the actions of black males for the same reasons.
I do feel hopeful in finishing this book. Hopeful that most people, regardless of race, are less bellicose and angry as these two women. Most people are *not* Mad Black Women or Histrionic Sobbing Karens. Most people are capable of looking at the world through something other than a strictly racial lens and can ascribe multiple motives to other people's actions, and can judge them based on merits besides their skin color. I'm sure I would be accused of "tone policing" or gaslighting, but I think many people would be far more diplomatic than these authors in addressing matters of race. This book is important because the authors reveal far more about themselves than somebody writing an exposé on them could, and through their own stories.
November 5, 2022
The number of one star reviews by those who probably did not read anything but the title of the book speaks volumes to why we SHOULD read this book. I read it cover to cover and deservedly give it five stars. I am an indigenous person who has benefited from white privilege, inherently. My darker skinned cousins, I’ll just say I’ve seen and felt the ugliness while with them and from afar. This book was certainly for me.
September 6, 2022
An absolutely essential read for white women (like me) who want to be true allies to Black, Indigenous, and brown people. The authors are upfront about the racism that bleeds through every aspect of our society and about how white women propagate it. Jackson and Rao speak to white women through their for-profit organization, Race2Dinner. A host invites guests to a dinner party for a frank and honest discussion. White women, be prepared for a reality check and true action items - not to "help" BIPOC, but to dismantle white supremacy. One takeaway I had was about white women aspiring to be be perfect and how that supports the white male gaze. It helped me understand why it's okay to be a sloppy mess and why it's okay to shift my focus from that endeavor to more important ones.
November 8, 2022
White Women is one of those books that you think is for someone else, but it's really for you. And when I say you, I mean every single white woman out there. From the white woman who just wants to be nice, to the white woman who doesn't see color, to the white feminist, the white ally, the white school teacher, and the white woman who believes that only love will save us. This book calls it out, and shuts it down. All the excuses. All the denial. All the “but I’m different.” All the silence, the toxic positivity, and tone policing. Everything I’ve ever thought and felt as a white woman is identified somewhere in this book. It might feel extreme. It will be a hard read. But it will be worth it. I was called out and I felt embarrassed. I felt uncomfortable, and I felt mad. And now I can move forward. And now I can be a better white woman. You know someone truly cares when a book like this is written. Saira and Regina are bold and they are begging for us to do better. If white women can get past the discomfort, this book can really change lives, and really create change. It makes me excited, and it makes me hopeful. And I cling to this hope.
February 9, 2023
As a white woman, it would seem difficult to write a review that goes beyond total and unconditional approval, partly because there is no room to manouvre in my opinion.
Fortunately, however, I am not only a white woman, but I am a white Italian woman living in Berlin, so this allows me to have my feet in two shoes, IMHO of course.
As much as I feel that this book has given me a lot to think about, I have to admit that I don't feel able to accept all the reproaches that are levelled at me as a white woman in an absolutely unconditional way, but surely that is my problem.
I think the method used by the authors: "you are like this and if you don't admit it is because, just as I said, you are racist" leaves one to doubt and not only from the point of view of logical argumentation-understood from a philosophical point of view. But even this doubt of mine can be read from the standing point of view of the authors as a confermation of my "white woman supremacy," as well as any other notes I feel like making to this essay/biography, and, that said, what is the point of discussing something, if the very fact of disagreeing with some of the statements proves without a shadow of a doubt that I am racist?
Come donna bianca, sembrerebbe difficile scrivere una recensione che vada oltre l'approvazione totale e incondizionata, anche perché non c'é spazio di manovra secondo me.
Per fortuna peró non sono solo una donna bianca, ma sono una donna italiana bianca che vive a Berlino e quindi questo mi permette di avere i piedi in due scarpe, ovviamente secondo me.
Per quanto ritengo che questo libro mi abbia dato moltissimo su cui riflettere, devo ammettere che non mi sento in grado di accettare tutti i rimproveri che mi vengono mossi in quanto donna bianca e in modo assolutamente incondizionata, ma sicuramente questo é un mio problema.
Ritengo che il metodo utilizzato dalle autrici: "tu sei cosí e se non lo ammetti é perché, proprio come dicevo, sei razzista", lascia a desiderare e non solo dal punto di vista della logica argomentazione intesa dal punto di vista filosofico. Ma anche questo mio dubbio puó essere letto dal punto di vista della "supremazia della donna bianca", cosí come qualsiasi altro appunto io mi senta di muovere a questo saggio/biografia e quindi, che senso ha discuterne se il fatto stesso di non essere d'accordo con alcune affermazione, dimostra senza ombra di dubbio che io sono razzista?
Fortunately, however, I am not only a white woman, but I am a white Italian woman living in Berlin, so this allows me to have my feet in two shoes, IMHO of course.
As much as I feel that this book has given me a lot to think about, I have to admit that I don't feel able to accept all the reproaches that are levelled at me as a white woman in an absolutely unconditional way, but surely that is my problem.
I think the method used by the authors: "you are like this and if you don't admit it is because, just as I said, you are racist" leaves one to doubt and not only from the point of view of logical argumentation-understood from a philosophical point of view. But even this doubt of mine can be read from the standing point of view of the authors as a confermation of my "white woman supremacy," as well as any other notes I feel like making to this essay/biography, and, that said, what is the point of discussing something, if the very fact of disagreeing with some of the statements proves without a shadow of a doubt that I am racist?
Come donna bianca, sembrerebbe difficile scrivere una recensione che vada oltre l'approvazione totale e incondizionata, anche perché non c'é spazio di manovra secondo me.
Per fortuna peró non sono solo una donna bianca, ma sono una donna italiana bianca che vive a Berlino e quindi questo mi permette di avere i piedi in due scarpe, ovviamente secondo me.
Per quanto ritengo che questo libro mi abbia dato moltissimo su cui riflettere, devo ammettere che non mi sento in grado di accettare tutti i rimproveri che mi vengono mossi in quanto donna bianca e in modo assolutamente incondizionata, ma sicuramente questo é un mio problema.
Ritengo che il metodo utilizzato dalle autrici: "tu sei cosí e se non lo ammetti é perché, proprio come dicevo, sei razzista", lascia a desiderare e non solo dal punto di vista della logica argomentazione intesa dal punto di vista filosofico. Ma anche questo mio dubbio puó essere letto dal punto di vista della "supremazia della donna bianca", cosí come qualsiasi altro appunto io mi senta di muovere a questo saggio/biografia e quindi, che senso ha discuterne se il fatto stesso di non essere d'accordo con alcune affermazione, dimostra senza ombra di dubbio che io sono razzista?
December 18, 2024
a very blunt analysis, call out, and call in to action for white women re: racism.
i found this to be a good companion read to white tears/brown scars.
i found this to be a good companion read to white tears/brown scars.
March 8, 2023
I am white and racist. I am a strong believer that everyone is racist. Racism exists on a spectrum. We all need to work daily and have a constant awareness of our racism.
I encourage everyone looking to read this book to first research the authors and their business Race to Dinner. It deceivingly appears to be a charitable business but is a for-profit business. They target only the wealthiest women. They do not work with lower income individuals. The authors themselves are millionaires and live among the wealthy. They have made tons of money doing these dinner parties. After reading this book, I am afraid that these women are simply using the topic of racism to make money. At the very beginning of the book, the author extensively describes that she is underpaid while charging $5,000 for 2 hours of work.
Their tactics are very aggressive and they very clearly overgeneralize an entire group of people in every point. They set up scenarios where they call white women racist regardless of whether they do or don’t do said action. If you disagree with them on any point, they state that you are the problem and you are racist. They purposely instigate anger and instill guilt to their advantage. If their goal were truly to improve racism, their method is definitely not the successful way to do it. We need to question why they only target wealthy women for dinner parties. Involving all people including the lower income is crucial to the cause. Also, most of the book addresses racism in personal interactions using anecdotes. They rarely mentioned systemic racism and they do not offer any specific ways to do better as promised in the title.
I agree with many of the points they state in the book. I also disagree with some points. Regardless of their potential financial motivations, I think we need to remember that the authors are human and are not all knowing. They should be questioned as we all should be questioned. Questioning them does not simply make you more racist.
January 27, 2023
False advertising. This book has nothing to do with being a better racist
March 12, 2023
When the authors say they use “radical honesty,” they aren’t kidding. When they say “all white women are racist,” at first I bristled. I, a white woman, did exactly as the authors predicted: I tone policed, and I exceptionalized. Holy cow, I did not expect such a wide mirror reflecting back on me. 😑 This book gives me much to think about, reflect on, take action from. Self-examination is never easy, but it’s never too late to learn and do better. For example, my default is to say, don’t stereotype, but now I wonder how the rules of “logic” and public speaking I’ve internalized and taught have worked to support white supremacy. Read the description/summary. Read the book, white people, and don’t quit because you’re angry and your white feelings are hurt. Mine, too, and yet I survived reading and am determined to do better. You can, too.
November 16, 2022
beyond the radical woke left
March 18, 2024
What it is:
- A convicting call out
- A bold example of speaking truth
- Unapologetically accusatory
What it isn’t:
- Going to hold your hand
- A gentle or diplomatic call in
- Here to help you process your feelings
I almost decided not to read this when I first started it, but then by the end I kind of love it. I’ve never read a book so directed at the reader. I think the word “you” is the most common in the book and I’m guessing 50% or more of the sentences contain the word you. You think this, you feel this, you are this, you know this. They are very insistent that they are talking to you specifically not white women in general. It can feel very abrasive and I was aware I was feeling defensive as several points.
Ex. Your relationships are competitive and toxic… umm excuse me?
As a therapist I teach assertive communication a lot and you statements are generally discourage for effective communication but then that got me thinking- effective for what? They aren’t recommended because they put people on edge, often trigger defensiveness, and generally in healthy mutual relationships it is our responsibility/more helpful to talk about ourselves. But this isn’t a healthy mutual relationship. It’s an abusive systemic power dynamic that flourishes with silence and denial. I had two thoughts on the approach 1) one of their key points of the book is the niceness is actually detrimental and the book itself is a powerful example of not being nice 2) the confrontational approach may be an intentional way to help people grapple with and face a reality we often chose to avoid. They mention at one point that change doesn’t happen until people are uncomfortable so they seem to intentionally make you uncomfortable.
It’s not my favorite approach personally, but who am I to tell a Black woman and an Asian woman how they should fight for their liberation and liberation for us all.
If you are looking for a first book about anti racism this isn’t what I would recommend first. I would recommend starting with How To Be Antiracist, So You Want To Talk About Race, or White Fragility. If you are going to read this I would recommend starting with the afterward titled “A Guide To Unlearning” first (does a good job explaining what your work is and what they are trying to do here), then reading the chapters, and then the prologue.
The content is really important. It got me thinking a lot about how we are socialized as white women: niceness, perfectionism, silence, entitlement, competition, individualism, exceptionalism. The same way we talk about toxic masculine and what a healthy masculinity looks like. What would healthy white womanhood look like? A shift toward systemic and community mindset instead of trying to be the best and doing it all ourselves. Authenticity with gentleness towards ourselves and others about our flaws to build supportive and transformational relationships. Accountability about our part and activation of our power to collectively work towards a society that values and works for everyone.
Finally, there is one part of this book I strongly disagree with. They say “your feelings don’t matter” several times which I think is both psychologically inaccurate and unhelpful. I prefer the saying “your feelings of discomfort aren’t as important as someone else’s safety”. Feeling DO really matter and are key in theories of healthy racial development. Repressing is never helpful for true lasting change. There are times when we as white women need to set aside and not center our emotions, but they still matter. Guilt, shame, embarrassment, defensiveness, anger, grief, self pity… they need to be seen and acknowledged, they need gentleness and care, they need to be understood. And THEN we need to move through them to deeper values and meaning to guide our life and actions. Anti-racism. Courage. Justice. Truth. Community. Healing.
- A convicting call out
- A bold example of speaking truth
- Unapologetically accusatory
What it isn’t:
- Going to hold your hand
- A gentle or diplomatic call in
- Here to help you process your feelings
I almost decided not to read this when I first started it, but then by the end I kind of love it. I’ve never read a book so directed at the reader. I think the word “you” is the most common in the book and I’m guessing 50% or more of the sentences contain the word you. You think this, you feel this, you are this, you know this. They are very insistent that they are talking to you specifically not white women in general. It can feel very abrasive and I was aware I was feeling defensive as several points.
Ex. Your relationships are competitive and toxic… umm excuse me?
As a therapist I teach assertive communication a lot and you statements are generally discourage for effective communication but then that got me thinking- effective for what? They aren’t recommended because they put people on edge, often trigger defensiveness, and generally in healthy mutual relationships it is our responsibility/more helpful to talk about ourselves. But this isn’t a healthy mutual relationship. It’s an abusive systemic power dynamic that flourishes with silence and denial. I had two thoughts on the approach 1) one of their key points of the book is the niceness is actually detrimental and the book itself is a powerful example of not being nice 2) the confrontational approach may be an intentional way to help people grapple with and face a reality we often chose to avoid. They mention at one point that change doesn’t happen until people are uncomfortable so they seem to intentionally make you uncomfortable.
It’s not my favorite approach personally, but who am I to tell a Black woman and an Asian woman how they should fight for their liberation and liberation for us all.
If you are looking for a first book about anti racism this isn’t what I would recommend first. I would recommend starting with How To Be Antiracist, So You Want To Talk About Race, or White Fragility. If you are going to read this I would recommend starting with the afterward titled “A Guide To Unlearning” first (does a good job explaining what your work is and what they are trying to do here), then reading the chapters, and then the prologue.
The content is really important. It got me thinking a lot about how we are socialized as white women: niceness, perfectionism, silence, entitlement, competition, individualism, exceptionalism. The same way we talk about toxic masculine and what a healthy masculinity looks like. What would healthy white womanhood look like? A shift toward systemic and community mindset instead of trying to be the best and doing it all ourselves. Authenticity with gentleness towards ourselves and others about our flaws to build supportive and transformational relationships. Accountability about our part and activation of our power to collectively work towards a society that values and works for everyone.
Finally, there is one part of this book I strongly disagree with. They say “your feelings don’t matter” several times which I think is both psychologically inaccurate and unhelpful. I prefer the saying “your feelings of discomfort aren’t as important as someone else’s safety”. Feeling DO really matter and are key in theories of healthy racial development. Repressing is never helpful for true lasting change. There are times when we as white women need to set aside and not center our emotions, but they still matter. Guilt, shame, embarrassment, defensiveness, anger, grief, self pity… they need to be seen and acknowledged, they need gentleness and care, they need to be understood. And THEN we need to move through them to deeper values and meaning to guide our life and actions. Anti-racism. Courage. Justice. Truth. Community. Healing.
December 25, 2022
I happened across this book on my library's new releases shelf and started it with an open heart and an open mind -- not knowing anything about the authors or the business they promote heavily throughout the book. Although it was a fast read, it was difficult to read all the way to the end, particularly because it was so repetitive. At the beginning of the book, the authors say that they will stir up the pond, and the reader should wade into the muck and wait for the dirt to settle and the water to clear. But the promise was unfulfilled. There was no clear water in the end: just lots and lots of wallowing and flinging muck.
November 2, 2023
یکی از دستاوردهای درخشان فمینیسم این است که در دههی 2020 قشر بزرگی از زنان جامعه باید کلفت و گنده بشنوند و جیکشان هم درنیاید. زن سفید کارگری که نان بازویش را میخورد متعصب و نژادپرست و برخوردار از امتیازات موروثی است، ولی نویسندگان شارلاتان کتاب که از راه کلاهبرداری صاحب مال و منال شدهاند لابد قربانیان جامعهاند
April 7, 2023
This book is HARD and UNCOMFORTABLE. Toward the end, I was thinking, “When are you going to tell me what to do?” And then I realized that was my white supremacy talking. Damn.
November 22, 2022
This really is a book about everything I already know about my own racism and how I can do better.
There's a reason it's called antiracism WORK. While we (white women) can take up the mantle whenever we feel like it, BIWOC don't get a choice. White women have to hold themselves and their peers accountable. Always. Everyday. To everyone. Especially when it's uncomfortable. Because that's the work.
I'm not perfect. I certainly still have unlearning to do. And so do you. So read the book.
There's a reason it's called antiracism WORK. While we (white women) can take up the mantle whenever we feel like it, BIWOC don't get a choice. White women have to hold themselves and their peers accountable. Always. Everyday. To everyone. Especially when it's uncomfortable. Because that's the work.
I'm not perfect. I certainly still have unlearning to do. And so do you. So read the book.
March 16, 2023
In this non-fiction read, Regina Jackson and Saira Rao discuss racism and what white women need to do in order to take steps towards dismantling white supremacy. Jackson and Rao are founders of Race2Dinner, an organization that facilitates conversations about racism with white women. They touch on important topics in this book, including white women privilege, white feminism, white women entitlement, and white saviors.
I enjoyed the format of this book - the authors interspersed personal stories about racism from other people with their important messages about fighting racism. Learning about those stories reminded me that although I have the privilege of not being the target of racism in my everyday life, this is happening to people every single day.
This book was tough and honest in a necessary way. Regina Jackson and Saira Rao don't beat around the bush here and I appreciated the vulnerability I felt in reflecting on my own shortfalls in regards to fighting racism.
The most important take away from this book for me was to acknowledge my racism. Although not everyone is intentionally racist, there are racist things that each of us think or do that were programmed into us from birth by our families and society. It's important to acknowledge this so that I can check those thoughts and also call others out for their racist thinking.
Another important message for me from this book is that we have to start somewhere. Dismantling white supremacy will not happen overnight. We have to decide to start taking those steps, no matter how little, because we will not make progress until we do.
I received a complimentary audiobook from Penguin Random House Audio.
I enjoyed the format of this book - the authors interspersed personal stories about racism from other people with their important messages about fighting racism. Learning about those stories reminded me that although I have the privilege of not being the target of racism in my everyday life, this is happening to people every single day.
This book was tough and honest in a necessary way. Regina Jackson and Saira Rao don't beat around the bush here and I appreciated the vulnerability I felt in reflecting on my own shortfalls in regards to fighting racism.
The most important take away from this book for me was to acknowledge my racism. Although not everyone is intentionally racist, there are racist things that each of us think or do that were programmed into us from birth by our families and society. It's important to acknowledge this so that I can check those thoughts and also call others out for their racist thinking.
Another important message for me from this book is that we have to start somewhere. Dismantling white supremacy will not happen overnight. We have to decide to start taking those steps, no matter how little, because we will not make progress until we do.
I received a complimentary audiobook from Penguin Random House Audio.
March 7, 2023
I’m not a special white person. I’m not exceptional. Some really good ideas on how white supremacy and perfectionism hurts all of us, especially white woman. I did take offense being lumped together with the terrorists that stormed the Capitol, but it’s not about my feelings. The author asked if you find yourself upset to be considered the same as the MAGA crowd, ask yourself why? Fine, I’ll own my own racism. But I will not own being the same as a Trumper. It’s not about wanting to feel superior either. We’re different, not better, different, and this lady makes me want to say fuck it, I guess all white people are assholes who want to commit treason. I still love To Kill A Mockingbird, white savior or not. After reading I wasn’t inspired or hopeful, read at your own risk.
February 20, 2023
This book is meant to be confronting and it succeeds. I took away greater awareness of intersectionality and the role it plays in racism.
May 9, 2023
Luckily, I got this book out of the library as I would have been very annoyed at myself if I had spent any money whatsoever on a copy of my own. The authors have taken full advantage of Critical Race Theory (CRT) and the effect that it has had on upper middle-class liberals in North America, namely the shame and guilt that we are now being conditioned to feel over the past. CRT will also maintain that only white people can be racist.
The premise of the book is that all white women have benefited from white supremacy. This book, in my opinion, is exceedingly racist in that it lumps all white women together and declares them all racist solely based on skin colour. (I knew that before I even opened it.) It does not take into consideration that being white is not homogeneous (indeed being any colour is not homogeneous) and that social and economic class play a big role in determining a person’s privilege and “lived experience”.
The book illustrates its points by providing “lived experiences” of the authors. Some of the examples, however, did not convince me that race was a factor in the altercation described, for example when Jackson encountered a HOA board member who told her she couldn’t put up signs, she took it personally and felt the woman was racist towards her because she was white. Just because someone tells you “no” does not mean it is because of you personally. If they’re nasty, well maybe they’re just nasty people. Maybe they are on a power trip. I don’t see why race has to come into play.
The book did describe some situations which I would agree were racist (mostly from other women the authors talked to) and in these situations I would agree we all have to do better.
I did agree with what it said about perfectionism (impossible to obtain), niceness and virtue signaling, however I am not entirely convinced these are solely issues of just white women, but more a product of humanity and/or women in general. I have known for a while that women need to be more supportive of each other and stop with the backstabbing and bitchiness behind the façade of niceness. Regarding virtue signaling, the authors are right, putting up a black square as your profile pic on Facebook in support of Black Lives Matter really does nothing to counter racism.
Overall, this book was an exhausting, aggressive and hate filled read of woke nonsense. I didn’t come away from it with any respect for the authors – I am certainly not booking a dinner with them anytime soon (if I could even afford it). Mostly importantly it did not give me anything tangible to help me deal with my own racism. This book has reinforced the feeling that I have to walk on eggshells for fear of being branded a racist, but then this is what CRT seems to do. I don’t think this book and CRT in general help dismantle racism at all.
The premise of the book is that all white women have benefited from white supremacy. This book, in my opinion, is exceedingly racist in that it lumps all white women together and declares them all racist solely based on skin colour. (I knew that before I even opened it.) It does not take into consideration that being white is not homogeneous (indeed being any colour is not homogeneous) and that social and economic class play a big role in determining a person’s privilege and “lived experience”.
The book illustrates its points by providing “lived experiences” of the authors. Some of the examples, however, did not convince me that race was a factor in the altercation described, for example when Jackson encountered a HOA board member who told her she couldn’t put up signs, she took it personally and felt the woman was racist towards her because she was white. Just because someone tells you “no” does not mean it is because of you personally. If they’re nasty, well maybe they’re just nasty people. Maybe they are on a power trip. I don’t see why race has to come into play.
The book did describe some situations which I would agree were racist (mostly from other women the authors talked to) and in these situations I would agree we all have to do better.
I did agree with what it said about perfectionism (impossible to obtain), niceness and virtue signaling, however I am not entirely convinced these are solely issues of just white women, but more a product of humanity and/or women in general. I have known for a while that women need to be more supportive of each other and stop with the backstabbing and bitchiness behind the façade of niceness. Regarding virtue signaling, the authors are right, putting up a black square as your profile pic on Facebook in support of Black Lives Matter really does nothing to counter racism.
Overall, this book was an exhausting, aggressive and hate filled read of woke nonsense. I didn’t come away from it with any respect for the authors – I am certainly not booking a dinner with them anytime soon (if I could even afford it). Mostly importantly it did not give me anything tangible to help me deal with my own racism. This book has reinforced the feeling that I have to walk on eggshells for fear of being branded a racist, but then this is what CRT seems to do. I don’t think this book and CRT in general help dismantle racism at all.
September 21, 2022
Patience is not one of my virtues, but persistence... I've got that! Passion too!
Anti-rascism WORK is an ongoing priority for me. I want to have real conversations.
Some of my fellow white friends welcome these conversations, others avoid these conversations.
This book is for ALL of us!
If you are someone that engages in DEI work, be sure to check the remnants of your white fragility at the door and read it.
If you are someone who wishes they had more black & brown friends to help you understand and learn more, read it.
If you are someone that likes the sound of a dinner with the sole purpose of discussing race, here is your invitation.
If you are someone that, over the course of the last few years, good naturedly shrugged off my anger & frustration about the rampant rascism in this country, by suggesting that I won't have time to worry about this "STUFF" when I go back to a "REAL" job- yes, this book is for you.
Finally, for all my wonderful black and brown friends, who have PATIENTLY spent countless, exhausting hours explaining rascism to your white friends (me) and family (me) members while also sparing our white feelings, enjoy this book.
Written by my friends Saira Rao and Regina Jackson this book is a gift.
With forthright honesty, transparent vulnerability, thought provoking examples, and compelling stories Regina and Saira led me through a personal journey of reliving my many experiences with rascism. Some of those experiences had been buried and needed to be resurrected from my subconscious.
This book also reiterated the IMPERATIVE need for us white women to move beyond "learning and listening" and taking that scary leap into action.
I read it in two late night sittings, then re-read it a second time to give myself a chance to absorb it all- there is so much in here.
I believe that this book can change the trajectory of our rascist thinking.
Anti-rascism WORK is an ongoing priority for me. I want to have real conversations.
Some of my fellow white friends welcome these conversations, others avoid these conversations.
This book is for ALL of us!
If you are someone that engages in DEI work, be sure to check the remnants of your white fragility at the door and read it.
If you are someone who wishes they had more black & brown friends to help you understand and learn more, read it.
If you are someone that likes the sound of a dinner with the sole purpose of discussing race, here is your invitation.
If you are someone that, over the course of the last few years, good naturedly shrugged off my anger & frustration about the rampant rascism in this country, by suggesting that I won't have time to worry about this "STUFF" when I go back to a "REAL" job- yes, this book is for you.
Finally, for all my wonderful black and brown friends, who have PATIENTLY spent countless, exhausting hours explaining rascism to your white friends (me) and family (me) members while also sparing our white feelings, enjoy this book.
Written by my friends Saira Rao and Regina Jackson this book is a gift.
With forthright honesty, transparent vulnerability, thought provoking examples, and compelling stories Regina and Saira led me through a personal journey of reliving my many experiences with rascism. Some of those experiences had been buried and needed to be resurrected from my subconscious.
This book also reiterated the IMPERATIVE need for us white women to move beyond "learning and listening" and taking that scary leap into action.
I read it in two late night sittings, then re-read it a second time to give myself a chance to absorb it all- there is so much in here.
I believe that this book can change the trajectory of our rascist thinking.
January 16, 2024
Edited to add: After reading White Tears/Brown Scars, I am able to put my finger on why this book was hard to digest: it points a finger of accusation without giving enough explanation to how and why white women ended up in positions of oppressor. A lot of this material was news to me. It was shocking and uncomfortable, and while I could see that I was guilty as charged, I didn’t know why or how. This book’s approach is, This is how you’re messing up, do better. I didn’t even know I was messing up. Finding that out was devastating, and as I reflected on how to change, I didn’t have information about why or how I ended up here. I need not just a voice demanding better, but someone to explain my own context (sadly). I think now that I have a better historical context from reading White Tears/Brown Scars, I could get a lot more out of this book.
This book hurt my feelings, but my feelings needed to be hurt and dismantled. My mind has been blown, and it will take me a long time to process all that I’ve learned. I will need to read it again. That said, the tone of the book is straightforward and confrontational. A lot of white women I know would not be able to get past that; I think reading some other books first, such as White Fragility, could be helpful.
This book hurt my feelings, but my feelings needed to be hurt and dismantled. My mind has been blown, and it will take me a long time to process all that I’ve learned. I will need to read it again. That said, the tone of the book is straightforward and confrontational. A lot of white women I know would not be able to get past that; I think reading some other books first, such as White Fragility, could be helpful.
May 1, 2023
This is a pulls-no-punches book that really made me take a look at the inner monologue I've been telling myself in regards to my role in antiracist work. The very direct writing style will most likely make you uncomfortable if you are a white woman, but that is the point. I really resonated with the authors' points on how harmful silence is in the face of racism, as well as how the preoccupation with perfection ultimately leads to overall life dissatisfaction and a hesitancy to join in the antiracism discussion.
I would recommend this in conjunction with Koa Beck's "White Feminism" and Kyla Schuller's "The Trouble with White Women."
I would recommend this in conjunction with Koa Beck's "White Feminism" and Kyla Schuller's "The Trouble with White Women."
February 3, 2023
Yes, we white women need to realize we are racist due to the culture that raised us. Yes, we all need to work to dismantle white supremacy. This book is incendiary and at times difficult to read. It also doesn’t provide a clear path to help us wade out of the muck.
The part about schools is where I don’t think the authors are up to date. A white teacher can’t discipline/motivate/understand/instruct/inspire a black boy? How do we get past this?
Another view:
https://freebeacon.com/culture/dinner...
The part about schools is where I don’t think the authors are up to date. A white teacher can’t discipline/motivate/understand/instruct/inspire a black boy? How do we get past this?
Another view:
https://freebeacon.com/culture/dinner...
June 29, 2023
I hesitate to even review this book because the book itself has me painted into a lose/lose corner. If I say I didn't like it, it's further proof of my racism and entitlement. I will say this, I went into this book with an eager and open mind, curiosity, and humility. I walked away feeling defeated and frustrated. There is a sentence in the book about how the goal is not to shame people but to spur them to action. This book does only the former for me and while I dug deep for instructions on how to do and be better, I didn't find them. Bummer all around.
March 14, 2023
I couldn’t even finish this book. It lumps all white women into one category which is pretty racist, in my humble opinion.
I normally don’t read social justice books because I find them to be more mind-fucking you than anything else in the world. The real problem isn’t race it’s a class/money thing. If more people opened up their eyes and minds they’d probably see why there’s so much anger in our country. Everyone is broke and our government does not give a fuck.
I normally don’t read social justice books because I find them to be more mind-fucking you than anything else in the world. The real problem isn’t race it’s a class/money thing. If more people opened up their eyes and minds they’d probably see why there’s so much anger in our country. Everyone is broke and our government does not give a fuck.
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